Robot Chicken s02e18 Episode Script
Lust for Puppets
It's alive! Come on, team, you really rock! Check it out, I have a My revenge shall be eternal! Montezuma, there shall be no revenge.
Revenge! - Happy birthday, Calvin.
- A real tiger! I can't believe you got me a real live tiger.
OK.
Native Americans would be more plentiful if they hadn't traded their land for casinos.
Well, cowboys never even existed.
They're just a masculine image campaign purported by Marlboro.
I think something's wrong with our son.
- This is some bullshit! - Yeah.
- Who are you talking to? - To Hobbes, my pet tiger.
- Can't you see him? - That's just a stuffed animal.
No, it's not.
He's real.
Get him, Hobbes.
Blood is everywhere! The vicious tiger shows no mercy.
I see.
This is for the best.
Give him these pills every two hours.
Hobbes? Hobbes? - Calvin.
- Hobbes! Calvin, your parents don't believe.
We have to kill them.
- Son, did you do this? - Me? No.
My tiger did.
He's a bloodthirsty monster.
OK, you're coming with us.
Fasten your seatbelt, Hobbes.
We're going to Mars! Mars is amazing! Mars is amazing.
Mars is amazing.
¤ Look around ¤ ¤ No one's ever gonna knock you down ¤ So this is your two weeks, then? I see.
Hello? Grandma! I'm sorry! No.
I must have misdialed! Revenge! Yes, yes.
- Cameron! - Damn it! Not a moment of peace.
You would be justified in passing me the bread.
It's old, honey.
I just wish that they Babe? I'm afraid it's very serious.
In your career, have you ever had contact with a brand of movie makeup called Prolactin? I don't know.
What is it? It's used to make fake semen.
- Crap! - Well, at any rate your body is now 99% cancer.
You have less than a day to live.
Don't worry, baby.
I'll find love again.
Thanks.
Is there anything special you want to do before you, you know, kick it? As a matter of fact, there is! That's all right.
OK.
You know, I thought maybe we'd cuddle.
Yes? That's for making Lucy Liu cry on the set of Charlie's Angels, Bill Murray! Yes? That's for giving me cancer with your fake semen, Ben Stiller! I was just an actor.
That stuff gave me cancer, too! Well That's for having cancer! - Yes? - Where's John Rutter? I'll hit him in the nuts for blackmailing me over those topless photos! You'll have to go visit him in prison! Yeah.
I won that case.
- When does he get out? - Four years from now! You win this rounds, John Rutter's nuts.
Come on, plenty of Cameron for everybody! That's right, people.
Closer.
You're gonna want a really good photo of this.
Burn in hell, you dickless ass clowns! Didn't the dead paparazzi get a memorial, too? Yeah.
It's right over there.
OK, Mrs.
Milano, just one more big push.
Dinner's ready, boys.
Chili time! - Straight from New York City.
- New York City?! Actually, it's pretty good.
Are you guys excited to meet my fiancé Frank? I can't wait, sweetie.
I'm not ready to see my baby get married.
Frankie! Lord, it's a monster! Dad, don't shoot! That's my fiancé.
Sorry about that.
Nice to meet you, Frank.
So, Frank, what's your line of work? - What the hell does that mean? - Honey, be nice.
Honey, watch out! Dad, he was just trying to go to the bathroom.
Right.
Sorry, Frank.
Toss the ball around? He's going crazy! Dad, a beehive fell in his pants.
He's already in pain.
Oh, man! Sorry again there, Frank.
That's my bad.
You know, I am really taking a liking to this Frankie guy.
What the hell is that? You monster! What are you doing to my daughter? Dad, we were having sex! Oh, man, so sorry about that.
Terrible misunderstanding.
I feel awful.
Apologies all around.
Carry on.
Honey, I'm so proud of you finally coming to terms with our daughter marrying Frankenstein.
Franken-stein? He's Jewish?! Ride My Ass.
Quite the bargain.
Good time for the Hey, get the kids! It's a family affair.
Sir, do right by your kids.
Revenge! - So what have you guys been up to? - Got a new bell yesterday.
- A new bell! - Loving it.
Really cool jingle.
No, Mario, the bridge, she's closed! Which way should we go? Look at that.
We got a flat tire.
Look, a repair garage.
I'll pull in there.
Mama mia! Luigi, we got a pimped out ride.
We need some coins, Mario.
We have no money.
Leave to me! Mario! Are you OK? Look, it's a turtle.
What are you doing?! You just killed my turtle! - Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! - Hey, what's going on here? Luigi, let's get out of here! Look, Luigi, it's the Princess.
Princess, you must come with us.
I'll suck your c for 50 bucks.
- Princess! - Do you accept coins? Come on, Princess, we got the gold.
No, that's my princess.
No.
I'm hit.
- What is this? - That's blood, baby.
Mario, we need to find you some mushrooms so you can heal.
I know just the guy.
This is some really good shit man.
I feel really good! Look at the pretty colors! Cheese it! It's the fuzz! I feel so funny.
Look, there's coins everywhere.
I'm rich! Mario, no! No, Mario, no! I think I should drive! Freeze! Put your hands in the air! He's got a wrench! Take him down! No! Mama mia! He's marinating in his own ragu! You killed my brother! You sons of a bitches! You'll never take me alive, you mother! Raccoon City sounds lovely.
What? What?
Revenge! - Happy birthday, Calvin.
- A real tiger! I can't believe you got me a real live tiger.
OK.
Native Americans would be more plentiful if they hadn't traded their land for casinos.
Well, cowboys never even existed.
They're just a masculine image campaign purported by Marlboro.
I think something's wrong with our son.
- This is some bullshit! - Yeah.
- Who are you talking to? - To Hobbes, my pet tiger.
- Can't you see him? - That's just a stuffed animal.
No, it's not.
He's real.
Get him, Hobbes.
Blood is everywhere! The vicious tiger shows no mercy.
I see.
This is for the best.
Give him these pills every two hours.
Hobbes? Hobbes? - Calvin.
- Hobbes! Calvin, your parents don't believe.
We have to kill them.
- Son, did you do this? - Me? No.
My tiger did.
He's a bloodthirsty monster.
OK, you're coming with us.
Fasten your seatbelt, Hobbes.
We're going to Mars! Mars is amazing! Mars is amazing.
Mars is amazing.
¤ Look around ¤ ¤ No one's ever gonna knock you down ¤ So this is your two weeks, then? I see.
Hello? Grandma! I'm sorry! No.
I must have misdialed! Revenge! Yes, yes.
- Cameron! - Damn it! Not a moment of peace.
You would be justified in passing me the bread.
It's old, honey.
I just wish that they Babe? I'm afraid it's very serious.
In your career, have you ever had contact with a brand of movie makeup called Prolactin? I don't know.
What is it? It's used to make fake semen.
- Crap! - Well, at any rate your body is now 99% cancer.
You have less than a day to live.
Don't worry, baby.
I'll find love again.
Thanks.
Is there anything special you want to do before you, you know, kick it? As a matter of fact, there is! That's all right.
OK.
You know, I thought maybe we'd cuddle.
Yes? That's for making Lucy Liu cry on the set of Charlie's Angels, Bill Murray! Yes? That's for giving me cancer with your fake semen, Ben Stiller! I was just an actor.
That stuff gave me cancer, too! Well That's for having cancer! - Yes? - Where's John Rutter? I'll hit him in the nuts for blackmailing me over those topless photos! You'll have to go visit him in prison! Yeah.
I won that case.
- When does he get out? - Four years from now! You win this rounds, John Rutter's nuts.
Come on, plenty of Cameron for everybody! That's right, people.
Closer.
You're gonna want a really good photo of this.
Burn in hell, you dickless ass clowns! Didn't the dead paparazzi get a memorial, too? Yeah.
It's right over there.
OK, Mrs.
Milano, just one more big push.
Dinner's ready, boys.
Chili time! - Straight from New York City.
- New York City?! Actually, it's pretty good.
Are you guys excited to meet my fiancé Frank? I can't wait, sweetie.
I'm not ready to see my baby get married.
Frankie! Lord, it's a monster! Dad, don't shoot! That's my fiancé.
Sorry about that.
Nice to meet you, Frank.
So, Frank, what's your line of work? - What the hell does that mean? - Honey, be nice.
Honey, watch out! Dad, he was just trying to go to the bathroom.
Right.
Sorry, Frank.
Toss the ball around? He's going crazy! Dad, a beehive fell in his pants.
He's already in pain.
Oh, man! Sorry again there, Frank.
That's my bad.
You know, I am really taking a liking to this Frankie guy.
What the hell is that? You monster! What are you doing to my daughter? Dad, we were having sex! Oh, man, so sorry about that.
Terrible misunderstanding.
I feel awful.
Apologies all around.
Carry on.
Honey, I'm so proud of you finally coming to terms with our daughter marrying Frankenstein.
Franken-stein? He's Jewish?! Ride My Ass.
Quite the bargain.
Good time for the Hey, get the kids! It's a family affair.
Sir, do right by your kids.
Revenge! - So what have you guys been up to? - Got a new bell yesterday.
- A new bell! - Loving it.
Really cool jingle.
No, Mario, the bridge, she's closed! Which way should we go? Look at that.
We got a flat tire.
Look, a repair garage.
I'll pull in there.
Mama mia! Luigi, we got a pimped out ride.
We need some coins, Mario.
We have no money.
Leave to me! Mario! Are you OK? Look, it's a turtle.
What are you doing?! You just killed my turtle! - Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! - Hey, what's going on here? Luigi, let's get out of here! Look, Luigi, it's the Princess.
Princess, you must come with us.
I'll suck your c for 50 bucks.
- Princess! - Do you accept coins? Come on, Princess, we got the gold.
No, that's my princess.
No.
I'm hit.
- What is this? - That's blood, baby.
Mario, we need to find you some mushrooms so you can heal.
I know just the guy.
This is some really good shit man.
I feel really good! Look at the pretty colors! Cheese it! It's the fuzz! I feel so funny.
Look, there's coins everywhere.
I'm rich! Mario, no! No, Mario, no! I think I should drive! Freeze! Put your hands in the air! He's got a wrench! Take him down! No! Mama mia! He's marinating in his own ragu! You killed my brother! You sons of a bitches! You'll never take me alive, you mother! Raccoon City sounds lovely.
What? What?