Superstore (2015) s02e18 Episode Script

1 Okay, so, everyone wash their hands, not just for cacas, but also for wee-wees.
And if you need help wiping, well, just come see me, okay? Obviously, that part is just for the children.
I was gonna say, "Wee-wees too?" [laughs.]
Who washes their hand after a wee-wee? Can we take Marcus off of produce, please? Absolutely.
Glenn, I don't want to tell you how to parent, but one of your kids is drawing on the back of Mateo's head.
What? Leo, you put that down, mister.
This is why you can't bring your kids to work.
It's just for a few hours.
I'm surprising Jerusha with a photo of all the kids we've ever fostered.
Obviously, we'll we'll Photoshop in the prison ones.
What what is it? What did he draw? Mm, uhh, I don't think I can say it in front of the kids.
But you have one, but I don't.
But we both like them.
And sometimes they're curved Cheyenne, this is more disturbing than the word.
How old's this one? Uh, I'm 25.
And I can talk.
Cool.
I'm around.
Uh, I'm just gonna ask.
What's going on with little homey over here? Uh, this is attachment therapy for Timur's displacement/rage issues.
Uh, it's going really great so far, yeah.
Glenn, this one is eating my breakfast.
T'Oliver, no! You had two breakfast pizzas on the way here.
Stop stop it.
Stop eating his food! Stop! Stop it! Stop! Stop eating.
I don't think he can hear you.
[upbeat music.]
Hey, Mateo, what's what's going on, bud? You know, just making the most out of a post-Jeff world.
Aww.
You can't eat the merchandise.
I'm gonna pay for it.
I'll make sure you do.
Okay, you know what could help get your mind off the breakup? Is if you threw yourself into the work.
Yeah.
That's easy for you to say.
Everything around here reminds me of him.
Oh, my God! Did everyone become bald overnight or something? Hey.
I know this is tough for you, but just know that Jeff wasn't attractive at all.
I don't know what was going on from the waist down, but this was a mess.
You're welcome.
You thought Jeff was hot, right? And for my final trick, I will put this straw into my brain oh, oh.
- [mock sneezes.]
- Whoa! - Cool! - Awesome! It got stuck, yeah.
I knew I recognized you from somewhere.
Oh, yeah? You performed in Vegas, didn't you? Oh, yeah, but, uh, then I quit to pursue my true passion, marking down Martin Lawrence DVDs.
Well, just don't let my dad see you doing magic.
Ah.
He's not a fan of the dark arts.
Oh, no, yeah, that's the devil's work.
Mm.
I have to know what it was like having Glenn as a dad.
It was great, you know.
He's sweet, understanding.
He did try to start a family band three times.
Oh, I'm gonna have to see video of that immediately.
- Immediately? - Immediately, yeah.
Whoa-ho! The greatest magic trick of all.
Yeah, we went to a lot of tent revivals.
- No way.
- [laughs.]
Before you started here, our photo studio had tons of backdrops.
Like waterfalls, jungles, the living room from "Seinfeld," you name it.
But who would pay to have their photo taken? Mostly families.
Oh, and lonely women with dogs.
Oh! Oh-whoa wait, sweetie.
No, wait, no.
Thanks.
Bobbie Sue, you need to stay close.
Papa's got his hands full.
Oh, you know, I could watch her while you finish setting up.
You think you can handle it? [scoffs.]
Glenn, I'm a mom.
Okay then, that would be great.
Oh, just one tip.
Don't let her put marbles in her mouth.
Uh, don't let anything fall on her.
Okay.
And also, don't let her get wet.
And don't feed her after midnight.
[soft laugh.]
Just kidding, that's from "Gremlins.
" - If you played for my team - Yeah? Like, you would totally be into Jeff, right? N he wouldn't even be in the top five, to be honest.
- [children giggling.]
- Not Oh, check this out.
Kids love me.
Hey there, kiddos.
Do you guys like Batman? 'Cause I think I saw him over in Housewares.
You know, Batman.
From from the movies.
"I'm Batman!" Really? All right, never mind, these kids are duds.
Move.
Excuse me.
Do you always work so slow? Yeah, I bet I could do that faster.
What? No way, okay? I could totally Actually.
[Clears throat.]
I bet there's no way you can do this entire display by 2:00.
- Oh, yeah? - I'ma show you right now.
- We can.
- Good.
You guys keep doing that, and I'll keep on checking Jeff's Instagram.
[playful music.]
Oh, wow.
[Soft chuckle.]
Look who's training for a 5K now.
Thanks, Timur.
Another one.
Oh, Amy, Amy.
[whispers.]
Amy.
What do you make of that? Oh.
The woman drinking red wine out of her purse? Yeah, I think she's an alcoholic.
No-no-no-no, past her.
Kristen and Jonah.
Oh.
Wait, do you think they're flirting? Um.
Yeah, I maybe.
Maybe.
[nervous laugh.]
Well, that's just a disaster! Why? You you love Jonah.
Yeah, I do, but Kristen's had it tough.
You know, and now she's finally on a good path.
And I don't want anything to get in her way.
Well, I mean, isn't she in law school? Uh, she's got a good head on her shoulders.
Yeah, until, you know, she falls for "Mr.
B-School Dropout" over there.
Next thing you know, she's ditching classes so she can get all bortched up and lie on her back, watching airplanes land.
Uh, well, look, Glenn, who knows.
Maybe Jonah's gonna say something like, "joie de vivre" and she won't even want to go out with him.
Oh, come on.
You're talking about Jonah.
Who doesn't fall in with Jonah? So gorgeous.
Okay.
Ah.
[photo snaps.]
Look, Bobbie Sue, you're puking a rainbow.
It's funny, huh? Okay, so like I was saying, in "Step Up 5," they're all in, but then in "Step Up 6," they're all out.
Damn.
You'd think at least one of them would be in.
No.
Hey, Bobbie Sue Bobbie Sue? [pensive music.]
Bobbie Sue? Bobbie Sue! Bobbie Sue? - Bobbie Sue.
- Bobbie Sue! Bobbie Sue.
I don't see her anywhere.
She's got to be somewhere.
- What are you doing in here? both: Oh, uh - Scavenger hunt.
- Making out.
Yeah, I'm not buying it.
Either fess up or get out, because I was about to take off my pants and eat my lunch.
How is why? I lost one of Glenn's foster kids.
We're looking on the security cameras, but we can't find her.
There's a missing child? It's finally happening.
Al, we've got a code periwinkle, we need to lock down access both in and out of every entrance and exit - This Marcus.
- [Radio static clicking.]
Out today.
[radio static.]
Okay, Marcus, you're gonna need to hold down the button when you talk, buddy.
- [radio static clicks.]
- Over.
No, Marcus, you need to hold down the button when you talk, not when you're listening.
Excuse me, ma'am, do you know how to work one of these? Forget it.
Okay.
Here's how this is gonna go.
We are gonna go out onto the floor, fan out and search every inch of this store.
We will find this child.
[exhales.]
Thanks, Dina.
Unless she's already dead.
Statistically speaking, there's a 30% chance we're already too late.
[Spin Doctors' "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" playing.]
Beep, beep, beep.
Yes, beep, beep, beep.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
[scanner beeping.]
Hey, so, you probably met some of Glenn's kids before, right? Like, um, like that, like, Kristen or one of the other ones? Yeah, mm-hmm, he brings them by from time to time.
And once, a couple of them hung out in the break room for a whole week while Jerusha got her legs done.
I don't know what that means.
Yeah, we were too afraid to ask.
But, um, but, yeah, that that, uh, Kristen, she she seems she seems cool.
Right, I mean, like, you know, like, cool, like, like "it wouldn't even be weird if I asked her out" kind of cool.
I don't know, I mean, she is the boss' daughter.
Yeah, I know, I that's uh, that's that's I know that.
I just sort of kind of felt like we had a connection, you know? Yeah, but you're always "having connections" with people.
It's one of the many, many annoying things about you.
So it's not that you're super jealous and in love with me and want me all to yourself? Uh, okay.
First of all, ew.
Second of all, this is strictly about Kristen being your boss' daughter.
And third of all, which is gonna sound similar to the first of all, ew.
What was the first one again? Ew.
[Vampire Weekend's "A-Punk" plays.]
Bobbie Sue? Give me a Bobbie Sue, come on.
Come on.
Bobbie Sue? Bobbie Sue! Attention Cloud 9 shoppers.
Please ignore the following announcement.
Bobbie Sue, where are you? Clear! Clear! Oh, have you seen a little girl? Really cute hair? Bobbie Sue? Come to the front of the store for free candy.
The man with wheels has free hey, what's up? Free candy.
Hey! Oh, grow up, that's nothing I haven't seen before.
Bobbie Sue.
Come on.
Bobbie Sue? [Crying.]
Where are you? [groans.]
See, it says right here, "Bobby Suh," that's me.
I was talking about a different Bobbie Sue.
It doesn't matter.
You said Bobby Suh gets candy.
I'm Bobby Suh.
I understand that, phonetically, your name is Bobby Suh, but I was looking for someone else.
No sign of her.
I checked the freezer, the trash compactor, the biowaste bin in Pharmacy.
Oh, my God! What are we gonna do? Don't worry, we're gonna find her.
I also checked the ovens in Cafe.
She's either not in there or she's been in there too long.
[classic rock music playing over speakers.]
Rock Hey, Glenn.
What's up, big guy? So, Glenn, um, I was talking to Kristen earlier.
Mm-hmm? And if it's okay with you I was thinking about maybe asking her out.
You and my little girl? I love it! Really? B because some people thought it might actually be a bad idea.
You know, Glenn, it's totally appropriate to say no if you want to.
"No"? Are you kidding me? In fact, if you don't go and ask her out right now, I am gonna kill myself.
And I know exactly how many aspirin to take.
Uh awesome, great.
Okay, cool.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go find her then, all right? And no need for anyone to die.
Okay, will you stop gabbling and go already? All right.
I'll catch you later, brother.
Not brother brother you know what I meant.
All right.
This is a disaster.
Why didn't you just say no? I can't be the bad guy.
The last time I meddled in Kristen's love life, she didn't talk to me for a week.
Can you talk to her? What [stammers.]
Come on, you are so good at being the bad guy.
What? I'm not the bad guy.
I'm the fun good guy.
Okay.
Yeah, all right, I'll see what I can do.
[playful music.]
Hey, Kristen.
Mm mm.
[muffled.]
Pretzel.
Oh, sorry.
[muffled.]
Sorry, it's really dry.
Okay, I'll just start.
Um, so, uh, uh, you and Jonah.
Seems like you guys are really hitting it off.
Yeah, we are.
Yeah, I I don't I don't know about that.
Wait, why? He seems nice.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, sure, but, uh, trust me, there is there is baggage there.
Like, um, he talks way too much about cheese.
And you don't want that.
The last guy I dated stole all my jewelry.
[soft laugh.]
Yeah.
Uh, well, it's not it's not just cheese.
He's got other stuff.
Like like he like he has this list of French films that he says he's gonna watch, and he never will.
You know, honestly, I mean, none of that seems that bad to me.
Great.
Cool.
Well, I just I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of the the cheese and the the films.
And the meth.
Wait, the meth? Yeah.
Crystal meth, he smokes a ton of it.
Is that is that a deal-breaker? Kinda.
Oh.
Darn.
Probably should have led with that.
Does anyone even like black licorice? Yeah, other than that, this is a foolproof plan.
Thanks.
Now, who does the best toddler calls? [high-pitched voice.]
Attention baby shoppers.
There is free candy in toy department.
Come on, little babies.
Come get the candy.
[babbling.]
- Stop, stop, man - What? It's not working.
What you you try it.
Hey, baby.
Come get this candy.
Come on.
[Hall & Oates' "Rich Girl" playing.]
And you've gone too far 'Cause you know it don't matter anyway Rich girl You can rely on the old Ah, your tiny arms are perfect for cleaning.
[soft laugh.]
I'm jealous.
I mean, not really.
I would look so dumb with arms like yours.
What's this? Oh, my God, my key chain.
I was looking for these.
[sighs.]
Jeff gave this to me on Valentine's Day 'cause I'm always losing my keys.
And then we DTR'd defined the relationship.
Who's Jeff? Nobody.
It's none of your business.
But if you must know, he's my ex.
He's also a district manager, so he's kind of a big deal.
And you guys aren't friends anymore? Oh, honey [soft laugh.]
Let me tell you a story about a man named Jeff and why you shouldn't date white guys.
Hey.
I'm supposed to be in Pharmacy, but I need to switch.
Why? Well, with my raging drug addiction, I probably shouldn't be near cough syrup.
Okay, um, let me start by saying I did not want to get involved.
Really? Because you got involved.
In a real weird way.
Yes.
I did.
But the truth is, is that Glenn does not want you dating Kristen.
He said he was fine with it.
Yes.
He said that.
And then as soon as you walked away, he said he wasn't.
[sighs.]
Jonah, why would you go down this road? There are plenty of other women.
Not here, but you know what I mean.
[Mr.
Mister's "Kyrie" playing over speakers.]
Kyrie Eleison down the road that I must travel Kyrie Eleison through the darkness of the [drill whirring.]
Hey, uh, can I, uh, can I talk to you for a second? Me or Timur? Uh, we're actually we're both pretty slammed right now, so maybe Glenn, if if you don't want me to date Kristen [drill whirring.]
- Glenn? - Mm-hmm? Can can you can you turn off the I can't hear you! The the drill? Could you turn off the drill? - Huh? - The drill, right here? Amy told me the truth.
Yeah? Well, I I wouldn't necessarily believe everything Amy says, if you know what I mean.
No, I have no idea what you mean.
Why would she make that up? Maybe she has a crush on you and she's jealous.
I mean, it's obvious, right? Amy? Are we talking about the same Amy? I don't know.
[Stammers.]
I'm sorry, I gotta get these squirrels.
I got so many squirrels, Jonah.
Let [drill whirring.]
[drill grating.]
[whirring.]
Okay.
Thank you.
Don't look at me like that.
I know what I did.
["I'm Free" playing over speakers.]
I'm free to do what I want Any old time Okay, everybody is saying something different, so none of us are gonna leave here until we figure out what the hell is going on.
Dad, did you tell Amy to stop me from going out with Jonah? What? No.
Amy, is that true? Uh-huh.
Then w why did you say he did? I [exhales.]
I I don't have a good answer for that.
Because Glenn said it was because you're jealous and you have a crush on me.
I don't Glenn.
Well, that's what you told me, remember? You said you were in love with Jonah.
You couldn't stop saying it.
I did not say that.
I would never say that.
He's lying.
She's lying.
She's a sassy little liar.
Yeah, blonde hair? Yeah right.
Her whole head's a lie.
Glenn, everyone knows I dyed my hair Okay, enough, enough, enough! Dad.
Look, just tell me the truth.
Are you really meddling again? It's like your doing everything you can to push me away.
Well, I g honey, I love you so much Glenn had nothing to do with it.
Really? I made up all of that stuff about Jonah because I am jealous.
But Papa Glenn said Timur, shut your cake hole! You're being rude.
I have a little crush on Jonah so I made up all of those lies.
Glenn is right; I am a sassy little liar, and I am very sorry.
You think you know people, huh? It's like you can want something so badly, but, you know, sometimes love just isn't enough.
Sorry.
[Soft laugh.]
I forget you're children.
Your simple minds can't imagine what it's like to have everything you care about just taken away from you.
One time my mom got a new boyfriend and they left me at PetSmart.
Okay.
[Clears throat.]
Only Leo knows what I'm going through.
There are four Jeffs in my class.
Okay, dummy.
There are a lot of Jeffs.
But you're right.
There are other Jeffs out there.
[exhales.]
Out of the mouths of babes.
[exhales.]
I think we already looked down this aisle.
She could be literally anywhere.
You really think she can fit in there? No, I'm thinking about buying a new canteen.
I lost my old one.
I can't believe I lost Glenn's child.
Everyone told me I was too young to have a kid and this proves it.
Will all Sturgis children please make their way to Music? It's family photo time.
What am I gonna do? Do do I give him Harmonica? She is younger.
That's kind of a better deal actually.
[plastic rumbling.]
[gentle upbeat music.]
[gasps.]
Oh, my God! Bobbie Sue! Oh! I knew I knew we'd find you! Yes, oh! Well, technically, I found her.
It was my trap.
Just let her have this one.
It was my trap, though.
Nine, ten get your stuff.
Uh, ten, 11, 12 Here's Bobbie Sue.
- Hey.
- I definitely didn't lose her.
Okay, bye.
Oh okay.
Has everyone got their stuff? Okay.
All right.
So is Jerusha a big "Lord of the Rings" fan? Uh, no, this is "Willow.
" What's "Lord of the Rings"? Okay, guys, on three.
One I should tell you, I'm giving Myrtle a ride home later.
I just I don't want you to fight her.
I know you hate seeing me with other women.
I didn't press the button.
Hold on.
I know you were covering for Glenn.
[sighs.]
Thank God.
I mean, no offense, but ew.
Uhh, nope.
That wasn't good.
I got half of you in the frame, and the other half are are out.
So that that's my fault.
Hey, Jonah, why don't you come in for one? You know, just in case you wind up joining the family.
Um, sure.
Seems wildly premature, but why not? [gentle music.]
- Okay.
- Come here.
[inhales sharply.]
Wow, good thing you already look like an elf.
So Jonah and Glenn's daughter, huh? Yeah.
What, what are you laughing at? Don't tell her.
Okay, guys, on three, say "Jerusha.
" One.
Two.
If you hurt her, I will murder you in real life until you're dead.
Three! All: Jerusha! - Ah, no.
- No? Mm-mm.
That's on me.