The O.C. (2003) s02e18 Episode Script
The Risky Business
Previously on The O.
C.
: Wow, so that's Carter Buckley?|I thought he'd look more like Jerry Garcia.
You and me and Summer working on a comic book together, it's probably not the best idea in the first place.
Little brother.
Good to see you, man.
- Trey's going to be staying with us.
|- Just until I can find my own place.
- You're Ry's girlfriend.
- Oh, well, no,|well, not anymore.
- Yeah, we're just friends.
Friends.
What are you making?|Mom's hangover special? What do you mean, a pack of smokes and fresh cocktail? Nope.
Just, something picked up in prison.
Ah, yeah, the old scallion and shiv omelet.
I've seen Lockup, Stallone's finest work since Over the Top.
Stallone? Nah, I'm more of a Van Damme fan.
- Are you kidding me? Seagal, man.
|- Yeah, a divided house cannot eat.
Now, we all gotta get together behind a single action hero.
- Steve McQueen.
|- Steve Ma-who? - My own son doesn't know Steve McQueen.
|- You know, a lot of people like Great Escape.
I gotta go with Bullitt.
He cooks breakfast and a McQueen fan.
|I knew I liked you.
- How was surfing?|- Unbelievable.
- You surf?|- He surfs, he sings, he technically fights crime.
- Maybe Sandy Cohen should be our action hero.
|- Just say the word, my son.
- Think you can give me a surf lesson sometime?|- Oh, better you than me.
- He's been trying to get me out there for years|- I have tried, I have tried, I have failed, I have failed.
Julie Cooper.
This can't be good.
- Julie is Marissa's mom.
|- Oh, so, Ryan's mother-in-law.
What, Ryan and Marissa? - It's on.
|- Really?! I am always the last to know - There is nothing to know.
|- Oh, really? 'Cause that's not what it looked like the other night.
You coming to Marissa's rescue and all.
Well, he's very chivalrous, not unlike a young Steve McQueen.
- Yeah, some people say chivalry is dead.
I don't believe it.
|- There's nothing going on with me and Marissa.
- Nothing? -|Really? - Ryan - We're taking it slow.
|- Takin' it slow.
All right! - Well, it's a good thing she's no longer your neighbor.
|- That's right.
It's hard to take it slow if they're next door.
So, Caleb and Julie are off on their cruise.
Well, what are we gonna do without them? Well, for starters, their housekeeper got deported, and so there's no one to stay in the house with Marissa.
So, I told Julie that Marissa could stay here for the week.
That'll keep things at a snail's pace.
- I can't believe you're moving in with the Cohens.
|- It's just for the week.
- Besides, this way, I can keep an eye on your boyfriend|- And yours.
- What? I'm not dating Seth.
|- Coop, we know who I mean.
No, I don't, 'cause I don't have a boyfriend Oh, right.
Yeah, you and Ryan staying under the same tent drove Alex out of town.
Can't imagine what's gonna happen with you two under the same roof.
- Nothing will happen.
|- Yeah, and nothing will happen in this.
- What? It's cute.
|- Yeah, well, if you think it's cute wearing something that screams, "Take me now!" Look, it's the middle of spring.
|It's too hot to wear flannel PJs.
What's gonna be too hot is you wearing this, - and Ryan seeing you wearing this.
|- He's not gonna see me wearing it.
But just in case.
I know.
Don't worry.
I'll handle it.
|I'll find a replacement.
Okay, thanks.
Oh, hey, honey.
What are you doing? I'm heading in to the office; starting work on the low-income housing initiative.
- So you're free, then?|- No.
What's up? Well, you know, the O.
C.
charity yard sale that I was supposed to chair but can't because I'm working.
- The O.
C.
has a charity yard sale?|- Well, the donors get to keep half the money, so it's not just for charity.
- I thought all the yards around here were gated.
|- It's in a ballroom.
Of a country club.
So a charity event where the donors keep half the profits and a yard sale with no yard.
- So that's how they do it in the O.
C.
|- Sandy I was just wondering if you could do me a tiny little favor.
No.
No way.
Sandy, it's an honorary chair, a figurehead position.
You'd be the master of ceremonies, like an auctioneer, and you know what an MC has An unfair advantage, you know the opponent's weakness.
That's right.
A microphone, onstage,|with an audience, a captive audience.
- And a few show tunes, perhaps?|- No - you just have to go by the club today and say hello.
|- Just a figurehead.
With a mike.
Hey, men! I'm chairing|the O.
C.
Psuedo-Charity Non-Yard Sale.
- Gee, Dad, that's fantastic.
|- Good luck with that.
I need your help.
- What are you doing?|- Well, I never thought I'd be so happy to say this, but Ryan and I have school.
That's your excuse today.
Tomorrow, you you're mine.
What are you doing today? - Looking for a job.
|- I got one for you: Me, you and the Newpsies.
What's a Newpsie? They're like vultures, except the Newpsies like to paint their talons.
Actually, they'd rather have somebody else paint their talons.
|Oh, here comes a flock right now.
- Sandy Cohen, right on time.
|- We just stopped by to say hello and test the mike.
- Oh, and you brought a friend?|- Yes, indeed.
Trey, meet Newport's finest.
Trey came along just in case we needed a little help, but I see you don't.
|My goodness, you guys are pros.
- We're gonna get out of your hair.
|- Actually, it's great that you're here.
The moving company we hired got a flat tire, and now we have no one to do the heavy lifting.
Heavy lifting I guess I could do that Oh, thank God.
Follow me.
I'll be back to pick you up in a|couple of hours.
- I'm glad he could help out.
|- Um, Sandy, the job of the chair is to choose|table linens, flatware, centerpieces All right, I'll help Trey with the lifting.
We need you, Sandy.
You're the honorary chair.
It's not just a figurehead position.
It's not? Let me just paint a picture of what could maybe happen.
Now, it's late at night and you're thirsty.
|So is she.
So you meet up at the fridge.
|"Hey.
" - "Hey.
"|- "You who?" "Maybe just you.
|Let's kiss on the mouth, okay?" - Oh, let's French hard.
|- What are you doing? Hey, I gotta get going to class.
|I'm gonna be late.
Was Seth talking about me, and how awkward it's gonna be when I move in? - What, you moving in? I had no idea.
|- Really? 'Cause my mom said she called Kirsten and ran it by you guys.
- No, but you're moving in, that's great.
|- It won't be awkward, right? Is this awkward? - No, not at all.
|- Great.
See you then.
Don't blame me for your sexual tension.
Hey, Cohen.
You know what's coming out on DVD this weekend? Yeah, I sure do, Elektra and there's a reason I didn't see that crap in the theaters.
Come on.
Ever since the whole comic book debacle,|I kind of promised Summer I'd dial it down a bit.
I'm in the same boat.
My mom is making me donate ten of these for the charity yard sale.
Dude, you're a martyr.
It sucks.
- Anyway, I'll see you around.
|- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, Zach.
I got an idea.
Why don't I donate five of mine, spare you five of yours.
|We'll go in on it together.
- You'd do that?|- Yeah.
Look, we really should be putting comic books behind us, anyways.
- And it's for charity.
|- That's right.
So we'll split the profits, right? - Absolutely.
|- All right.
Good stuff.
Easy with that.
|That's worth thousands of dollars.
Then why wouldn't they want it?|Seems like a perfectly good stool.
It's an antique ottoman and it's hideous.
|Now, on to the bas-relief.
- What's this?|- Oh, David Pastor's father-in-law's brother ran the prop house at Warner Brothers.
|It's from some Tom Cruise movie.
This is the crystal egg from|Risky Business? Well, it's not the F-14 from Top Gun.
That is so cool.
This thing must be worth a fortune.
See, it's appraised at $10,000.
That's a fortune.
I guess.
Come, Trey.
Come.
Welcome to casa de Cohen.
We're almost at capacity, but there's always room for one more.
Well, thanks for letting me stay here.
Well, I couldn't let you stay in a mansion all by yourself.
- So, where do you want me?|- Good question.
- So what are you doing with these things?|- Making a grand sacrifice for charity, Ryan It's all in a day's work.
|When does Marissa get here? - I don't know.
You want another dead-arm?|- No, thank you.
We'll see if Trey's back I wonder how it went.
Well, I didn't hear about Newpsie knifings on the news, so - Hey, you want to go a little living room rematch?|- Yeah, yeah.
Let's make it a three-way.
What?! Came out weird.
|I'll meet you downstairs.
Hi.
- You're not Trey.
|- Kirsten moved him.
- I'm going to go find him, then.
|- Okay.
Right.
Sorry.
You know, if anyone should know about knocking before entering the poolhouse, that'd be me.
Nothing you haven't seen before, right? Right.
That didn't take long.
|Come on, Trey's inside, wearing a shirt.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
- Couldn't sleep.
|- Me either.
- Hungry?|- Sure.
Nice PJ's.
Aren't you hot? I get cold.
- How's the pool house?|- Weird.
You know, the only time I've ever slept in that bed I was with you.
Whoa.
You guys are up early.
Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
- No, it's cool.
|- No, it's fine.
Just got to get a jump on the day.
|Apartment hunting.
- Hey, you know, I know a place that's available.
It was my friend Alex's.
|- Want to check it out, man? Not now, I can't.
I got to help Sandy with the yard sale.
Don't mess with those Newpsies.
|But, hey, I did my time yesterday.
Well, I'm free.
I could go with you.
- There you go.
|- Thanks.
All right, just so you know, it's cool;|you don't have to find a place.
Love you like a brother, brother, but we're too old to be sleeping in the same room.
Besides I think I'm getting in the way.
All right, buddy, it's catch-up time.
Since the pool house has been occupied, there hasn't really been any privacy,|so this'll have to do.
There been any, midnight run-ins involving, - say, Yoo-hoo and under-thingies?|- There's nothing going on, Seth.
Okay, you be that way.
All right, ottoman, work with me.
|You're sexy, get nasty.
Work with me, you ottoman, you little|That's it, you're a cougar.
You're a panther and you're in the woods.
- Seth!|- What? What? Oh Hey, good save.
Thing's probably worth a million dollars.
$10,000.
- Says it's from Risky Business.
|- Really? Hey, dude, turn it the other way.
|It's got a crack in it.
Hello.
Whoa, ow, ladies.
I hate to say I told you so, but these centerpieces and those tablecloths, they clash.
Taryn, I told you,|get those linens with the hem stitch.
- I know, Sandy, I know.
|- I'm sorry, but you have no one else to blame but yourself.
Who are you, and what did you do|with my husband? - Well, if it isn't our proud sponsor.
|- I brought the banner and Carter.
- Carter.
|- Sandy, I had no idea you were so multifaceted.
Joan.
Tell me you didn't order those|napkin rings.
- This is not a mob wedding.
|- Gosh, Sandy, I thought they were kind of fun - No.
|- Who wants to help me hang the banner? Ask Taryn, please.
She screwed up the tablecloths.
Get her off the tablecloths.
Okay.
- Thirsty?|- Yes.
So, you and Kirsten have been spending a lot of time working together.
Long hours, late nights.
Sandy, you have a great wife.
|Sorry to keep her from you.
And from everything she says,|we should be friends.
Well, here's to being friends.
You, me|and Kirsten.
So this chick just split? Moved back to her parents', yeah.
And didn't get her damage deposit back, either.
So, we got a decision? I got a tenant in 6A whose pipes burst.
|I got to get down there before they drown.
- I'll take it.
|- Great.
I'll need first and last month's rent, plus security.
- That's $3,000 I|- Hey, you know, what if we make you a better offer? I mean, you know those busted pipes?|Trey here's quite handy.
Him with a sledgehammer, amazing.
I think she means hammer, but but, yeah.
What if I, uh, became your guy?|Anything breaks down, I'll fix it.
I'll call you tonight with an answer.
|Just leave you number.
Cohen.
I hear you're the guy to see about the inventory.
Hey, will you help me? I've got to take pictures of all of this crap.
- Yeah.
|- Okay, thanks.
Hold it up.
More.
More, more.
You're naughty.
- Just take the picture.
|- You're an animal in the woods.
Excuse me, you're Seth? - Carter Buckley.
I'm working with|- Oh, yeah, my mom.
Your mom, Newport Living.
|She said you were quite the comics fan.
Oh, was, was.
Zach and I here are actually moving on.
- Yeah, we're auctioning off our comics.
|- Your mom said you had your own comic.
Oh, we did.
We almost sold it to Wildstorm, - save for a meltdown during the pitch.
|- Yeah, but we're putting that behind us now Must be hard to walk away from your own comic You weren't at the meeting.
|I don't think Cohen's picked up a pencil since that fateful Valentine's Day.
- Well, you know, I've actually been sort of|- You went on without me? - How many issues do you have?|- Uh probably have enough for, like, 12 or 13 stories.
That's, like, the perfect amount for a graphic novel.
Oh, I always wanted to write the great American graphic novel, but we cannot.
- Yes, we can.
Come on.
This is awesome.
|- I know, but it's not even up to me.
- You know who it's up to?|- Who's it up to? Start with an "S.
" Hello, Summer, my dearest.
Okay, what do you want, Cohen? - I thought you were working at the yard sale|- Can't a guy just show his lady a little bit of love? Okay, I was at the yard sale - and Zach and I got to talking.
|- Zach was there? Glad to hear that you two are putting the past behind you.
Well, about the past.
So Zach and I got to talking,|and we're sort of chatting about, - our passions and our dreams and|- Aw, that make you think of me? That is so sweet.
- No, actually.
|- Really? Because the only other passions you have besides me are Captain Oats, whiny music and, well, I know it can't be comic books, because if you bring up you and Zach and Atomic County.
I'll kill you both while you sleep.
I hope you approve of the tablecloth that|I have selected for dinner.
I really don't care about tablecloths, honey.
I just enjoy watching those Newpsies squirm.
Have I mentioned how much I like Carter? A few times, yes.
After Jimmy left, I thought I'd said good-bye to my last friend, but Carter - I think he's a keeper.
|- Really? Well, that's great.
- We're talking about hanging out next week, maybe get some drinks.
|- Well, I know he likes drinks.
You are looking at a proud new renter.
- Wow, congrats, man.
|- Thanks.
Thanks.
- I'll get it.
- Oh, thank|you.
- We are playing Cohen residence.
Oh, hi.
Yeah, hang on.
- Trey, it's for you.
It's the landlord.
|- You can grab it right there.
- Hello.
|- Hey, so bad news.
*Your background didn't check out.
I just can't risk making you the manager.
* But you seem like a good guy, so I'll hold the place for 24 hours.
I'll come up with the money.
- Thanks.
|- You bet.
- Everything all right?|- Yeah, just wanted to know when I'm moving in.
- You sure you can cover it, the money?|- It's handled, little brother.
I'm just going to do some work around the place until I can pay him back.
Told you, I'm getting it together.
- I'm proud of you, man.
|- Well, thank Marissa.
It was her idea.
Where you been? Don't worry about me, Mommy.
I was over at the new place.
Landlord wanted me to tape down some drywall.
- Do a little plastering.
|- At 6:00 in the morning? Plaster's got to dry before you paint, bro.
Okay.
Come in! - Hey.
|- Hi.
I was making breakfast and I made too much.
Thought you might be hungry.
- Oh No thanks.
|- Yeah? Hey, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me out.
With the apartment.
But you're probably busy, so - I'll come back later.
|- Look.
I overheard your call.
I know he didn't take the offer.
- So when you going to tell Ryan?|- I'm not.
- You know, he really wants to believe in you.
|- And why shouldn't he? - Because you lied to him.
|- It's not a lie.
I got friends.
I'm going to come up with the money.
I can help you.
You've done enough.
And I don't need anyone else here worrying about me.
|I've got it.
All right.
But you should know, if you do anything stupid, it's really going to hurt Ryan.
- So what do you got?|- Our new hobby.
- Baseball cards.
|- They're really cool.
They come with gum, and they're worth|like all sorts of different amounts.
But, each month, they go up and down in value, like the stock market.
- And they come with gum.
|- You talked to Summer, didn't you? I dipped a toe in the comic book pool.
|It was icy, Zach; it was subzero.
So that's it? All that work, you're never going to show anyone else - because of a girl?|- She threatened to kill us both.
While we sleep.
Give me one of those pieces of gum.
- Who's Kurt Schilling, anyway?|- I don't know.
Dude, I like his uniform, though.
|Can I have this one? Hey.
My mom already left for|the Pseudo-Charity Non - Yard Sale.
|- Actually, I came to see you guys.
My old assistant is the VP of development at a graphic novel company.
|I arranged a meeting.
No.
I'm sorry.
Now let's go.
Zach, you're dri|Thank you so much, though.
- Seth, do you realize what he's saying?|- Yes, he's offering to kill my relationship with Summer.
- He's offering us a second chance.
|- I promised.
Dude, technically, you're not doing anything wrong.
You said you only floated the comic book by her, not a graphic novel.
They have nicer paper.
So, technically - Coop!|- I'm in the basement! No torture chamber down here.
|Lost that bet.
- So, what are we looking for, anyway?|- It's for the auction.
I need I need money for Trey's security deposit.
Interesting stuff, huh? Yeah, see that mark right there?|That leopard's head, with a "W.
E.
"? Wow, it means made in London|by William Eaton, circa 1876, I think.
- Could be worth a couple grand.
|- All that Antique Roadshow really paid off All right.
Come on.
All right.
I've become quite the expert, since I've got to put one on every week.
- It's okay, man.
I don't need your help.
|- Yeah, you do.
You're going to hang yourself with this thing.
Let's see You know, these formal things, they seem|like they're going to be pretty boring, but usually something crazy happens.
|Keeps it exciting.
- Oh, yeah?|- Yeah.
All right.
There you go.
I am impressed.
Nice.
Ready to rip off some Newpsies? - Kirsten?|- Hello, Chanda.
- We never see you anymore.
|- I know.
I've been really busy with work.
- Marissa, where'd you get that?|- I found this in the basement with all this other old junk my mom's getting rid of - I better get in there.
- You|look beautiful.
- Oh, thank you.
- When you think about it,|- our own graphic novel it's like ten times cooler than a comic book ever was.
- You guys bringing back the comic book? -|No.
Absolutely not.
- Goodness gracious, no.
It's a graphic novel; it's totally different.
So there's no Kid Chino or no Cosmo Girl? No the|two of you working together, ruining our friendships? I guess it isn't that different.
- Look, I promise it won't be like before.
|- And we already kind of said yes.
- Yeah, but just to a meeting.
|- Okay Any trouble no more graphic novel, no more comics, no more me.
- Pinkie swear.
|- Okay.
- Hey, last minute addition?|- Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
I'll just take it in the back and tag it.
Thanks again for helping out my brother.
|I appreciate it.
Seems like things are going pretty good, right? Yeah.
Well, I'm going to go see if they need help inside.
I'll see you in there.
Trey.
I'll see you in a bit.
|What's up? There's this glass egg from Risky Business.
It's probably the most valuable thing here, and now it's gone.
- Trey didn't?|- Yeah.
Yeah.
I think he did.
Why would Trey steal anything|everything's going great, right? No.
No, he lied.
He didn't clear the background check on the apartment.
- Why didn't you tell me?|- Because I told her not to.
- So you stole it.
- I didn't|steal it.
- Don't lie to me, Trey.
What does it matter?|These people think this stuff is junk.
How could you do this, man? After everything the Cohens|have done for you, everything Marissa's done for you? - Can't you think of anyone but yourself for five minutes?|- I wasn't thinking about myself.
I was thinking about you.
That's why I wanted to get|the money, so I could just get out of everybody's way.
- Well, now you're going to be, 'cause you're going back to jail.
|- Wait.
Stop.
I could still get it back.
I've got the money.
Come on.
Please.
You've done enough.
I'll go.
Good afternoon, Newport Beach, and welcome|to the O.
C.
Pseudo-Charity Non-Yard Sale.
Yes, exactly.
You get it.
I'm Sandy Cohen.
I'll be your host and your auctioneer for this grand event, brought to you by Newport Living and the fabulous team of Carter Buckley and the lovely and alluring Kirsten Cohen.
Let's give it up for them! - What are you going to do?|- I'm going to go find the egg before anyone notices it's gone.
Last year, we raised $100,000|only 50,000 which actually went to charity.
- Psst.
Summer.
Come on.
|- What? But the auction.
- we're stalling until Ryan gets back with egg, okay?|- What egg? Our first item - Hey.
|- Hi.
- Can I help you?|- Oh, well we're your assistants.
Every honorary chair gets assistants|to assist.
Let's welcome our lovely assistants,|ladies and gentlemen.
- Hey.
Where are you going?|- I'll tell you later.
- Tell me now.
Marissa gets to be part of the plan.
|- There's no plan.
I just got to do something.
Ok, well, you're going to need a wingman,|and Marissa and my dad are busy.
- Come on.
I never get to go.
|- Yeah, there's a reason.
Yeah, but if I go with you, no one's going to suspect anything, 'cause we all know that if you were doing anything dangerous,|I wouldn't get to go.
I'm the perfect cover.
- No more comments about me and Marissa?|- You and who? I didn't know you were going to throw it.
I'll|catch it next time.
I just need a heads up.
- You going to be wingman, you're going to have to catch the keys.
|- I'll catch the keys next time.
Okay, folks, here's a beautiful Erte-esque statue.
Yes, indeed, very fetching.
|Why don't we start the bidding at $75.
I guess it's very "esque.
"|More "esque" than Erte.
Sold to the lovely young lady.
The ram's head is going for $300.
|Do we hear $300? $300 over here!|$400 over here! $550! Over here! Going once! Going twice! Sold for $550.
Imagine what the whole beast would've cost you.
Do I hear $2,000 for the tea set? $2,000! Do I hear $2,500?|$2,500! Well, okay.
$3,000? $3,000!|$3,000! $3,500? $3,500! Do I hear $4,000? - Come on, folks, reach into those deep pockets.
|- $5,000.
- Fi Five thousand dollars!|- $5,000.
Do I hear $5,500? $5,500, anyone?|$5,500.
All right.
Going once.
Going twice.
Sold! For $5,000 to my lovely bride, who,|apparently, is just crazy for tea.
- All right, this is it.
Must be in the back.
You stay here.
|- What are you gonna do? - I don't know.
|- Okay, I got a plan it's the kind of plan that made me All-Camp Capture the Flag, Camp Taco, and it is extremely stealth.
This next one is a very exciting one.
|Folks, who here is a Tom Cruise fan? - Do something.
|- What? Why? - This is what Trey stole; Ryan went to go get it back.
|- What do you want me to do about it? Ladies, if you could, please bring,|straight out of 1983 My shoes! Yeah! Which are vintage! - Your shoes?|- How about we auction these off? - What are you doing? - Everything's been|auctioned off.
- Other than you know.
Yeah, I do know, and it's up next.
So you better think of|something else to auction, or Summer's gonna be selling herself.
- $30! $30 anyone?|- Sixty! - Sixty dollars? - Ew!|Foot fetish much? - Sold! - Hello.
Pleased to meet you.
|- Who the hell are you? Well, I am Pippens McGee, and I'm from the Film Preservation Society.
Now, what we are doing is, we're putting on a Tom Cruise retrospective.
Now, I understand that you are in possession of the crystal egg from|Risky Business? Hi.
How are you? Now, what we're doing is, we're collecting Mr.
Cruise's props from his most memorable films and putting them on display.
We've got the rum bottle from Cocktail.
|We've got the ceramic mask from Vanilla Sky We've got the little kid with the big head from Jerry Maguire.
- He's actually in the car.
I don't know if you're interested in meeting him|- Come on, man, get lost.
- Wait.
How does he know about the egg?|- How does he know about the egg? How do you know? How do I know? How|does he know? How do you? How do I? - How do you know about the egg? -|How do I know about the egg? - Yes.
Okay, but Mr.
Cruise had it outfitted|with a trans mitro pneumonic|transmitter device tronic.
It's sort of a homing device.
Must be a Scientology|thing.
Mr.
Cruise does it to all his favorite props.
- Let's kill this guy, man.
|- Hey! Hi.
What the hell is going on? - Seth! Go deep!|- This never worked in P.
E.
All right This is unexpected.
But in a good way.
|We have a new addition to the auction.
They clean, they mow the lawn,|they look good in suits.
Folks, we're talking about two of Newport's most strapping young men, Zach and Trey! - Where do we begin the bidding?|- Eight hundred! - Ryan, I caught it.
|- That's great.
Run! And now the item you've all been waiting for.
Since there is no thing and no one left to be auctioned, that's right, folks, finally, the crystal egg from Risky Business.
Ladies.
- Ladies.
|- Yeah.
So, you've all heard of a silent auction, but for this item, we thought it might be fun to do a blind auction.
Yeah, since you can't actually see the egg,|we thought we would describe it to you.
So, it's egg-shaped, and|it's made of crystal.
And Tom Cruise touched it.
So that's hot.
That's hot.
Let's start the bidding at $5,000 $10,000! Going once! Come on, folks, we're talking about a major piece of motion picture history here.
$10,000 going twice! Reach into those deep pockets of yours!|Come on, folks! $10,000 going three times! Going going Yes! Going and sold! To the beautiful young lady right here at the front.
Gentlemen, please present the egg to the very proud owner.
Ladies and gentlemen! That's it for today's auction.
|The bar is open! Looks like the Ironist and Kid Chino, with a little help from Cosmo Girl and|Little Miss Vixen, saved the day.
- It's like an issue of Atomic County.
|- No, just life with Trey.
Thank you for your help.
I don't know what you kids were up to, but|I'm betting it had something to do with Trey He sings, he surfs, and he reads minds.
And it's still not enough to get you to talk to me.
The next time something comes up,|come to me.
So I earned $400 auctioning myself off.
I figure that's a start, right? I got you the money you need.
|I sold something of my basement.
I said I'd help you.
|I just wish you'd heard me.
I screwed up.
I know.
I- I just - wanted to do it on my own.
|- You don't have to do this on your own.
Yeah, I do.
'Cause there's no way Ryan's ever gonna forgive me, and I don't blame him.
I'll talk to him.
Thank you.
And I'm gonna pay you back.
You know, if you told me you wanted that tea set, I would have just given it to you.
Well my mom would've been proud to have her tea set auctioned for charity.
It's okay.
I thought it was lost.
|My dad's not a big fan of tea.
What are you gonna say to them? Nothing.
In the morning, he's gone.
|I don't care where he goes.
Well, he's going to Alex's old apartment.
|I got him the money.
Legally.
Thanks.
You cold? You know, always.
I do wear flannel pajamas.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Hang on.
It's my mom.
Hey.
Oh.
Well, is everything okay? Okay.
All right.
Bye.
I guess my mom came home early.
She wants to pick me up in half an hour.
So So.
I better go pack my stuff.
C.
: Wow, so that's Carter Buckley?|I thought he'd look more like Jerry Garcia.
You and me and Summer working on a comic book together, it's probably not the best idea in the first place.
Little brother.
Good to see you, man.
- Trey's going to be staying with us.
|- Just until I can find my own place.
- You're Ry's girlfriend.
- Oh, well, no,|well, not anymore.
- Yeah, we're just friends.
Friends.
What are you making?|Mom's hangover special? What do you mean, a pack of smokes and fresh cocktail? Nope.
Just, something picked up in prison.
Ah, yeah, the old scallion and shiv omelet.
I've seen Lockup, Stallone's finest work since Over the Top.
Stallone? Nah, I'm more of a Van Damme fan.
- Are you kidding me? Seagal, man.
|- Yeah, a divided house cannot eat.
Now, we all gotta get together behind a single action hero.
- Steve McQueen.
|- Steve Ma-who? - My own son doesn't know Steve McQueen.
|- You know, a lot of people like Great Escape.
I gotta go with Bullitt.
He cooks breakfast and a McQueen fan.
|I knew I liked you.
- How was surfing?|- Unbelievable.
- You surf?|- He surfs, he sings, he technically fights crime.
- Maybe Sandy Cohen should be our action hero.
|- Just say the word, my son.
- Think you can give me a surf lesson sometime?|- Oh, better you than me.
- He's been trying to get me out there for years|- I have tried, I have tried, I have failed, I have failed.
Julie Cooper.
This can't be good.
- Julie is Marissa's mom.
|- Oh, so, Ryan's mother-in-law.
What, Ryan and Marissa? - It's on.
|- Really?! I am always the last to know - There is nothing to know.
|- Oh, really? 'Cause that's not what it looked like the other night.
You coming to Marissa's rescue and all.
Well, he's very chivalrous, not unlike a young Steve McQueen.
- Yeah, some people say chivalry is dead.
I don't believe it.
|- There's nothing going on with me and Marissa.
- Nothing? -|Really? - Ryan - We're taking it slow.
|- Takin' it slow.
All right! - Well, it's a good thing she's no longer your neighbor.
|- That's right.
It's hard to take it slow if they're next door.
So, Caleb and Julie are off on their cruise.
Well, what are we gonna do without them? Well, for starters, their housekeeper got deported, and so there's no one to stay in the house with Marissa.
So, I told Julie that Marissa could stay here for the week.
That'll keep things at a snail's pace.
- I can't believe you're moving in with the Cohens.
|- It's just for the week.
- Besides, this way, I can keep an eye on your boyfriend|- And yours.
- What? I'm not dating Seth.
|- Coop, we know who I mean.
No, I don't, 'cause I don't have a boyfriend Oh, right.
Yeah, you and Ryan staying under the same tent drove Alex out of town.
Can't imagine what's gonna happen with you two under the same roof.
- Nothing will happen.
|- Yeah, and nothing will happen in this.
- What? It's cute.
|- Yeah, well, if you think it's cute wearing something that screams, "Take me now!" Look, it's the middle of spring.
|It's too hot to wear flannel PJs.
What's gonna be too hot is you wearing this, - and Ryan seeing you wearing this.
|- He's not gonna see me wearing it.
But just in case.
I know.
Don't worry.
I'll handle it.
|I'll find a replacement.
Okay, thanks.
Oh, hey, honey.
What are you doing? I'm heading in to the office; starting work on the low-income housing initiative.
- So you're free, then?|- No.
What's up? Well, you know, the O.
C.
charity yard sale that I was supposed to chair but can't because I'm working.
- The O.
C.
has a charity yard sale?|- Well, the donors get to keep half the money, so it's not just for charity.
- I thought all the yards around here were gated.
|- It's in a ballroom.
Of a country club.
So a charity event where the donors keep half the profits and a yard sale with no yard.
- So that's how they do it in the O.
C.
|- Sandy I was just wondering if you could do me a tiny little favor.
No.
No way.
Sandy, it's an honorary chair, a figurehead position.
You'd be the master of ceremonies, like an auctioneer, and you know what an MC has An unfair advantage, you know the opponent's weakness.
That's right.
A microphone, onstage,|with an audience, a captive audience.
- And a few show tunes, perhaps?|- No - you just have to go by the club today and say hello.
|- Just a figurehead.
With a mike.
Hey, men! I'm chairing|the O.
C.
Psuedo-Charity Non-Yard Sale.
- Gee, Dad, that's fantastic.
|- Good luck with that.
I need your help.
- What are you doing?|- Well, I never thought I'd be so happy to say this, but Ryan and I have school.
That's your excuse today.
Tomorrow, you you're mine.
What are you doing today? - Looking for a job.
|- I got one for you: Me, you and the Newpsies.
What's a Newpsie? They're like vultures, except the Newpsies like to paint their talons.
Actually, they'd rather have somebody else paint their talons.
|Oh, here comes a flock right now.
- Sandy Cohen, right on time.
|- We just stopped by to say hello and test the mike.
- Oh, and you brought a friend?|- Yes, indeed.
Trey, meet Newport's finest.
Trey came along just in case we needed a little help, but I see you don't.
|My goodness, you guys are pros.
- We're gonna get out of your hair.
|- Actually, it's great that you're here.
The moving company we hired got a flat tire, and now we have no one to do the heavy lifting.
Heavy lifting I guess I could do that Oh, thank God.
Follow me.
I'll be back to pick you up in a|couple of hours.
- I'm glad he could help out.
|- Um, Sandy, the job of the chair is to choose|table linens, flatware, centerpieces All right, I'll help Trey with the lifting.
We need you, Sandy.
You're the honorary chair.
It's not just a figurehead position.
It's not? Let me just paint a picture of what could maybe happen.
Now, it's late at night and you're thirsty.
|So is she.
So you meet up at the fridge.
|"Hey.
" - "Hey.
"|- "You who?" "Maybe just you.
|Let's kiss on the mouth, okay?" - Oh, let's French hard.
|- What are you doing? Hey, I gotta get going to class.
|I'm gonna be late.
Was Seth talking about me, and how awkward it's gonna be when I move in? - What, you moving in? I had no idea.
|- Really? 'Cause my mom said she called Kirsten and ran it by you guys.
- No, but you're moving in, that's great.
|- It won't be awkward, right? Is this awkward? - No, not at all.
|- Great.
See you then.
Don't blame me for your sexual tension.
Hey, Cohen.
You know what's coming out on DVD this weekend? Yeah, I sure do, Elektra and there's a reason I didn't see that crap in the theaters.
Come on.
Ever since the whole comic book debacle,|I kind of promised Summer I'd dial it down a bit.
I'm in the same boat.
My mom is making me donate ten of these for the charity yard sale.
Dude, you're a martyr.
It sucks.
- Anyway, I'll see you around.
|- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, Zach.
I got an idea.
Why don't I donate five of mine, spare you five of yours.
|We'll go in on it together.
- You'd do that?|- Yeah.
Look, we really should be putting comic books behind us, anyways.
- And it's for charity.
|- That's right.
So we'll split the profits, right? - Absolutely.
|- All right.
Good stuff.
Easy with that.
|That's worth thousands of dollars.
Then why wouldn't they want it?|Seems like a perfectly good stool.
It's an antique ottoman and it's hideous.
|Now, on to the bas-relief.
- What's this?|- Oh, David Pastor's father-in-law's brother ran the prop house at Warner Brothers.
|It's from some Tom Cruise movie.
This is the crystal egg from|Risky Business? Well, it's not the F-14 from Top Gun.
That is so cool.
This thing must be worth a fortune.
See, it's appraised at $10,000.
That's a fortune.
I guess.
Come, Trey.
Come.
Welcome to casa de Cohen.
We're almost at capacity, but there's always room for one more.
Well, thanks for letting me stay here.
Well, I couldn't let you stay in a mansion all by yourself.
- So, where do you want me?|- Good question.
- So what are you doing with these things?|- Making a grand sacrifice for charity, Ryan It's all in a day's work.
|When does Marissa get here? - I don't know.
You want another dead-arm?|- No, thank you.
We'll see if Trey's back I wonder how it went.
Well, I didn't hear about Newpsie knifings on the news, so - Hey, you want to go a little living room rematch?|- Yeah, yeah.
Let's make it a three-way.
What?! Came out weird.
|I'll meet you downstairs.
Hi.
- You're not Trey.
|- Kirsten moved him.
- I'm going to go find him, then.
|- Okay.
Right.
Sorry.
You know, if anyone should know about knocking before entering the poolhouse, that'd be me.
Nothing you haven't seen before, right? Right.
That didn't take long.
|Come on, Trey's inside, wearing a shirt.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
- Couldn't sleep.
|- Me either.
- Hungry?|- Sure.
Nice PJ's.
Aren't you hot? I get cold.
- How's the pool house?|- Weird.
You know, the only time I've ever slept in that bed I was with you.
Whoa.
You guys are up early.
Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
- No, it's cool.
|- No, it's fine.
Just got to get a jump on the day.
|Apartment hunting.
- Hey, you know, I know a place that's available.
It was my friend Alex's.
|- Want to check it out, man? Not now, I can't.
I got to help Sandy with the yard sale.
Don't mess with those Newpsies.
|But, hey, I did my time yesterday.
Well, I'm free.
I could go with you.
- There you go.
|- Thanks.
All right, just so you know, it's cool;|you don't have to find a place.
Love you like a brother, brother, but we're too old to be sleeping in the same room.
Besides I think I'm getting in the way.
All right, buddy, it's catch-up time.
Since the pool house has been occupied, there hasn't really been any privacy,|so this'll have to do.
There been any, midnight run-ins involving, - say, Yoo-hoo and under-thingies?|- There's nothing going on, Seth.
Okay, you be that way.
All right, ottoman, work with me.
|You're sexy, get nasty.
Work with me, you ottoman, you little|That's it, you're a cougar.
You're a panther and you're in the woods.
- Seth!|- What? What? Oh Hey, good save.
Thing's probably worth a million dollars.
$10,000.
- Says it's from Risky Business.
|- Really? Hey, dude, turn it the other way.
|It's got a crack in it.
Hello.
Whoa, ow, ladies.
I hate to say I told you so, but these centerpieces and those tablecloths, they clash.
Taryn, I told you,|get those linens with the hem stitch.
- I know, Sandy, I know.
|- I'm sorry, but you have no one else to blame but yourself.
Who are you, and what did you do|with my husband? - Well, if it isn't our proud sponsor.
|- I brought the banner and Carter.
- Carter.
|- Sandy, I had no idea you were so multifaceted.
Joan.
Tell me you didn't order those|napkin rings.
- This is not a mob wedding.
|- Gosh, Sandy, I thought they were kind of fun - No.
|- Who wants to help me hang the banner? Ask Taryn, please.
She screwed up the tablecloths.
Get her off the tablecloths.
Okay.
- Thirsty?|- Yes.
So, you and Kirsten have been spending a lot of time working together.
Long hours, late nights.
Sandy, you have a great wife.
|Sorry to keep her from you.
And from everything she says,|we should be friends.
Well, here's to being friends.
You, me|and Kirsten.
So this chick just split? Moved back to her parents', yeah.
And didn't get her damage deposit back, either.
So, we got a decision? I got a tenant in 6A whose pipes burst.
|I got to get down there before they drown.
- I'll take it.
|- Great.
I'll need first and last month's rent, plus security.
- That's $3,000 I|- Hey, you know, what if we make you a better offer? I mean, you know those busted pipes?|Trey here's quite handy.
Him with a sledgehammer, amazing.
I think she means hammer, but but, yeah.
What if I, uh, became your guy?|Anything breaks down, I'll fix it.
I'll call you tonight with an answer.
|Just leave you number.
Cohen.
I hear you're the guy to see about the inventory.
Hey, will you help me? I've got to take pictures of all of this crap.
- Yeah.
|- Okay, thanks.
Hold it up.
More.
More, more.
You're naughty.
- Just take the picture.
|- You're an animal in the woods.
Excuse me, you're Seth? - Carter Buckley.
I'm working with|- Oh, yeah, my mom.
Your mom, Newport Living.
|She said you were quite the comics fan.
Oh, was, was.
Zach and I here are actually moving on.
- Yeah, we're auctioning off our comics.
|- Your mom said you had your own comic.
Oh, we did.
We almost sold it to Wildstorm, - save for a meltdown during the pitch.
|- Yeah, but we're putting that behind us now Must be hard to walk away from your own comic You weren't at the meeting.
|I don't think Cohen's picked up a pencil since that fateful Valentine's Day.
- Well, you know, I've actually been sort of|- You went on without me? - How many issues do you have?|- Uh probably have enough for, like, 12 or 13 stories.
That's, like, the perfect amount for a graphic novel.
Oh, I always wanted to write the great American graphic novel, but we cannot.
- Yes, we can.
Come on.
This is awesome.
|- I know, but it's not even up to me.
- You know who it's up to?|- Who's it up to? Start with an "S.
" Hello, Summer, my dearest.
Okay, what do you want, Cohen? - I thought you were working at the yard sale|- Can't a guy just show his lady a little bit of love? Okay, I was at the yard sale - and Zach and I got to talking.
|- Zach was there? Glad to hear that you two are putting the past behind you.
Well, about the past.
So Zach and I got to talking,|and we're sort of chatting about, - our passions and our dreams and|- Aw, that make you think of me? That is so sweet.
- No, actually.
|- Really? Because the only other passions you have besides me are Captain Oats, whiny music and, well, I know it can't be comic books, because if you bring up you and Zach and Atomic County.
I'll kill you both while you sleep.
I hope you approve of the tablecloth that|I have selected for dinner.
I really don't care about tablecloths, honey.
I just enjoy watching those Newpsies squirm.
Have I mentioned how much I like Carter? A few times, yes.
After Jimmy left, I thought I'd said good-bye to my last friend, but Carter - I think he's a keeper.
|- Really? Well, that's great.
- We're talking about hanging out next week, maybe get some drinks.
|- Well, I know he likes drinks.
You are looking at a proud new renter.
- Wow, congrats, man.
|- Thanks.
Thanks.
- I'll get it.
- Oh, thank|you.
- We are playing Cohen residence.
Oh, hi.
Yeah, hang on.
- Trey, it's for you.
It's the landlord.
|- You can grab it right there.
- Hello.
|- Hey, so bad news.
*Your background didn't check out.
I just can't risk making you the manager.
* But you seem like a good guy, so I'll hold the place for 24 hours.
I'll come up with the money.
- Thanks.
|- You bet.
- Everything all right?|- Yeah, just wanted to know when I'm moving in.
- You sure you can cover it, the money?|- It's handled, little brother.
I'm just going to do some work around the place until I can pay him back.
Told you, I'm getting it together.
- I'm proud of you, man.
|- Well, thank Marissa.
It was her idea.
Where you been? Don't worry about me, Mommy.
I was over at the new place.
Landlord wanted me to tape down some drywall.
- Do a little plastering.
|- At 6:00 in the morning? Plaster's got to dry before you paint, bro.
Okay.
Come in! - Hey.
|- Hi.
I was making breakfast and I made too much.
Thought you might be hungry.
- Oh No thanks.
|- Yeah? Hey, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me out.
With the apartment.
But you're probably busy, so - I'll come back later.
|- Look.
I overheard your call.
I know he didn't take the offer.
- So when you going to tell Ryan?|- I'm not.
- You know, he really wants to believe in you.
|- And why shouldn't he? - Because you lied to him.
|- It's not a lie.
I got friends.
I'm going to come up with the money.
I can help you.
You've done enough.
And I don't need anyone else here worrying about me.
|I've got it.
All right.
But you should know, if you do anything stupid, it's really going to hurt Ryan.
- So what do you got?|- Our new hobby.
- Baseball cards.
|- They're really cool.
They come with gum, and they're worth|like all sorts of different amounts.
But, each month, they go up and down in value, like the stock market.
- And they come with gum.
|- You talked to Summer, didn't you? I dipped a toe in the comic book pool.
|It was icy, Zach; it was subzero.
So that's it? All that work, you're never going to show anyone else - because of a girl?|- She threatened to kill us both.
While we sleep.
Give me one of those pieces of gum.
- Who's Kurt Schilling, anyway?|- I don't know.
Dude, I like his uniform, though.
|Can I have this one? Hey.
My mom already left for|the Pseudo-Charity Non - Yard Sale.
|- Actually, I came to see you guys.
My old assistant is the VP of development at a graphic novel company.
|I arranged a meeting.
No.
I'm sorry.
Now let's go.
Zach, you're dri|Thank you so much, though.
- Seth, do you realize what he's saying?|- Yes, he's offering to kill my relationship with Summer.
- He's offering us a second chance.
|- I promised.
Dude, technically, you're not doing anything wrong.
You said you only floated the comic book by her, not a graphic novel.
They have nicer paper.
So, technically - Coop!|- I'm in the basement! No torture chamber down here.
|Lost that bet.
- So, what are we looking for, anyway?|- It's for the auction.
I need I need money for Trey's security deposit.
Interesting stuff, huh? Yeah, see that mark right there?|That leopard's head, with a "W.
E.
"? Wow, it means made in London|by William Eaton, circa 1876, I think.
- Could be worth a couple grand.
|- All that Antique Roadshow really paid off All right.
Come on.
All right.
I've become quite the expert, since I've got to put one on every week.
- It's okay, man.
I don't need your help.
|- Yeah, you do.
You're going to hang yourself with this thing.
Let's see You know, these formal things, they seem|like they're going to be pretty boring, but usually something crazy happens.
|Keeps it exciting.
- Oh, yeah?|- Yeah.
All right.
There you go.
I am impressed.
Nice.
Ready to rip off some Newpsies? - Kirsten?|- Hello, Chanda.
- We never see you anymore.
|- I know.
I've been really busy with work.
- Marissa, where'd you get that?|- I found this in the basement with all this other old junk my mom's getting rid of - I better get in there.
- You|look beautiful.
- Oh, thank you.
- When you think about it,|- our own graphic novel it's like ten times cooler than a comic book ever was.
- You guys bringing back the comic book? -|No.
Absolutely not.
- Goodness gracious, no.
It's a graphic novel; it's totally different.
So there's no Kid Chino or no Cosmo Girl? No the|two of you working together, ruining our friendships? I guess it isn't that different.
- Look, I promise it won't be like before.
|- And we already kind of said yes.
- Yeah, but just to a meeting.
|- Okay Any trouble no more graphic novel, no more comics, no more me.
- Pinkie swear.
|- Okay.
- Hey, last minute addition?|- Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
I'll just take it in the back and tag it.
Thanks again for helping out my brother.
|I appreciate it.
Seems like things are going pretty good, right? Yeah.
Well, I'm going to go see if they need help inside.
I'll see you in there.
Trey.
I'll see you in a bit.
|What's up? There's this glass egg from Risky Business.
It's probably the most valuable thing here, and now it's gone.
- Trey didn't?|- Yeah.
Yeah.
I think he did.
Why would Trey steal anything|everything's going great, right? No.
No, he lied.
He didn't clear the background check on the apartment.
- Why didn't you tell me?|- Because I told her not to.
- So you stole it.
- I didn't|steal it.
- Don't lie to me, Trey.
What does it matter?|These people think this stuff is junk.
How could you do this, man? After everything the Cohens|have done for you, everything Marissa's done for you? - Can't you think of anyone but yourself for five minutes?|- I wasn't thinking about myself.
I was thinking about you.
That's why I wanted to get|the money, so I could just get out of everybody's way.
- Well, now you're going to be, 'cause you're going back to jail.
|- Wait.
Stop.
I could still get it back.
I've got the money.
Come on.
Please.
You've done enough.
I'll go.
Good afternoon, Newport Beach, and welcome|to the O.
C.
Pseudo-Charity Non-Yard Sale.
Yes, exactly.
You get it.
I'm Sandy Cohen.
I'll be your host and your auctioneer for this grand event, brought to you by Newport Living and the fabulous team of Carter Buckley and the lovely and alluring Kirsten Cohen.
Let's give it up for them! - What are you going to do?|- I'm going to go find the egg before anyone notices it's gone.
Last year, we raised $100,000|only 50,000 which actually went to charity.
- Psst.
Summer.
Come on.
|- What? But the auction.
- we're stalling until Ryan gets back with egg, okay?|- What egg? Our first item - Hey.
|- Hi.
- Can I help you?|- Oh, well we're your assistants.
Every honorary chair gets assistants|to assist.
Let's welcome our lovely assistants,|ladies and gentlemen.
- Hey.
Where are you going?|- I'll tell you later.
- Tell me now.
Marissa gets to be part of the plan.
|- There's no plan.
I just got to do something.
Ok, well, you're going to need a wingman,|and Marissa and my dad are busy.
- Come on.
I never get to go.
|- Yeah, there's a reason.
Yeah, but if I go with you, no one's going to suspect anything, 'cause we all know that if you were doing anything dangerous,|I wouldn't get to go.
I'm the perfect cover.
- No more comments about me and Marissa?|- You and who? I didn't know you were going to throw it.
I'll|catch it next time.
I just need a heads up.
- You going to be wingman, you're going to have to catch the keys.
|- I'll catch the keys next time.
Okay, folks, here's a beautiful Erte-esque statue.
Yes, indeed, very fetching.
|Why don't we start the bidding at $75.
I guess it's very "esque.
"|More "esque" than Erte.
Sold to the lovely young lady.
The ram's head is going for $300.
|Do we hear $300? $300 over here!|$400 over here! $550! Over here! Going once! Going twice! Sold for $550.
Imagine what the whole beast would've cost you.
Do I hear $2,000 for the tea set? $2,000! Do I hear $2,500?|$2,500! Well, okay.
$3,000? $3,000!|$3,000! $3,500? $3,500! Do I hear $4,000? - Come on, folks, reach into those deep pockets.
|- $5,000.
- Fi Five thousand dollars!|- $5,000.
Do I hear $5,500? $5,500, anyone?|$5,500.
All right.
Going once.
Going twice.
Sold! For $5,000 to my lovely bride, who,|apparently, is just crazy for tea.
- All right, this is it.
Must be in the back.
You stay here.
|- What are you gonna do? - I don't know.
|- Okay, I got a plan it's the kind of plan that made me All-Camp Capture the Flag, Camp Taco, and it is extremely stealth.
This next one is a very exciting one.
|Folks, who here is a Tom Cruise fan? - Do something.
|- What? Why? - This is what Trey stole; Ryan went to go get it back.
|- What do you want me to do about it? Ladies, if you could, please bring,|straight out of 1983 My shoes! Yeah! Which are vintage! - Your shoes?|- How about we auction these off? - What are you doing? - Everything's been|auctioned off.
- Other than you know.
Yeah, I do know, and it's up next.
So you better think of|something else to auction, or Summer's gonna be selling herself.
- $30! $30 anyone?|- Sixty! - Sixty dollars? - Ew!|Foot fetish much? - Sold! - Hello.
Pleased to meet you.
|- Who the hell are you? Well, I am Pippens McGee, and I'm from the Film Preservation Society.
Now, what we are doing is, we're putting on a Tom Cruise retrospective.
Now, I understand that you are in possession of the crystal egg from|Risky Business? Hi.
How are you? Now, what we're doing is, we're collecting Mr.
Cruise's props from his most memorable films and putting them on display.
We've got the rum bottle from Cocktail.
|We've got the ceramic mask from Vanilla Sky We've got the little kid with the big head from Jerry Maguire.
- He's actually in the car.
I don't know if you're interested in meeting him|- Come on, man, get lost.
- Wait.
How does he know about the egg?|- How does he know about the egg? How do you know? How do I know? How|does he know? How do you? How do I? - How do you know about the egg? -|How do I know about the egg? - Yes.
Okay, but Mr.
Cruise had it outfitted|with a trans mitro pneumonic|transmitter device tronic.
It's sort of a homing device.
Must be a Scientology|thing.
Mr.
Cruise does it to all his favorite props.
- Let's kill this guy, man.
|- Hey! Hi.
What the hell is going on? - Seth! Go deep!|- This never worked in P.
E.
All right This is unexpected.
But in a good way.
|We have a new addition to the auction.
They clean, they mow the lawn,|they look good in suits.
Folks, we're talking about two of Newport's most strapping young men, Zach and Trey! - Where do we begin the bidding?|- Eight hundred! - Ryan, I caught it.
|- That's great.
Run! And now the item you've all been waiting for.
Since there is no thing and no one left to be auctioned, that's right, folks, finally, the crystal egg from Risky Business.
Ladies.
- Ladies.
|- Yeah.
So, you've all heard of a silent auction, but for this item, we thought it might be fun to do a blind auction.
Yeah, since you can't actually see the egg,|we thought we would describe it to you.
So, it's egg-shaped, and|it's made of crystal.
And Tom Cruise touched it.
So that's hot.
That's hot.
Let's start the bidding at $5,000 $10,000! Going once! Come on, folks, we're talking about a major piece of motion picture history here.
$10,000 going twice! Reach into those deep pockets of yours!|Come on, folks! $10,000 going three times! Going going Yes! Going and sold! To the beautiful young lady right here at the front.
Gentlemen, please present the egg to the very proud owner.
Ladies and gentlemen! That's it for today's auction.
|The bar is open! Looks like the Ironist and Kid Chino, with a little help from Cosmo Girl and|Little Miss Vixen, saved the day.
- It's like an issue of Atomic County.
|- No, just life with Trey.
Thank you for your help.
I don't know what you kids were up to, but|I'm betting it had something to do with Trey He sings, he surfs, and he reads minds.
And it's still not enough to get you to talk to me.
The next time something comes up,|come to me.
So I earned $400 auctioning myself off.
I figure that's a start, right? I got you the money you need.
|I sold something of my basement.
I said I'd help you.
|I just wish you'd heard me.
I screwed up.
I know.
I- I just - wanted to do it on my own.
|- You don't have to do this on your own.
Yeah, I do.
'Cause there's no way Ryan's ever gonna forgive me, and I don't blame him.
I'll talk to him.
Thank you.
And I'm gonna pay you back.
You know, if you told me you wanted that tea set, I would have just given it to you.
Well my mom would've been proud to have her tea set auctioned for charity.
It's okay.
I thought it was lost.
|My dad's not a big fan of tea.
What are you gonna say to them? Nothing.
In the morning, he's gone.
|I don't care where he goes.
Well, he's going to Alex's old apartment.
|I got him the money.
Legally.
Thanks.
You cold? You know, always.
I do wear flannel pajamas.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Hang on.
It's my mom.
Hey.
Oh.
Well, is everything okay? Okay.
All right.
Bye.
I guess my mom came home early.
She wants to pick me up in half an hour.
So So.
I better go pack my stuff.