The War at Home s02e18 Episode Script
Take This Job and Bleep It
Look at them.
Theyre in the exact same position we left them in two hours ago.
Its like you and I in college, except for we had an excuse.
We were baked.
- Did you guys hear us honking? - Yeah, we heard you.
Well, we needed help with the bags, why didnt you come? That question sort of answers itself, doesnt it? Larry, did you study your DMV booklet so you can finally get your learners permit? Cause Im sick and tired of driving your ass around anywhere.
For your information, I did study it.
- Did you? - Yes, I did.
- Did you? - No, I did not.
I have never seen a kid less excited about getting a drivers license! What is wrong with you? This is party training all over again.
Yeah, Larry, what do you wanna be, 30 years old and driving around on that stupid bike with the tassels? "Hey! Hey there! Nice Lexus 3! Yeah, nice banana seat, Larry! What about you? Did you clean that pigsty of a room yet? Eh, morning kinda got away from me.
What about the afternoon? I thought we had an agreement.
Is it my fault theres a marathon of celebrity fancamp on? Can you believe these kids? I say, your sperm and my eggs, its a powerful combination.
It certainly defeated every form of birth control we tried.
And finally, in light of diminishing profits and increased overhead, well be reducing the commission schedule by 3 percent.
Oh, wait a minute, what are you saying, Im gonna be making less money? Not if you bring in more clients.
Oh my God! Im gonna be making less money! Oh, God.
I cant believe this.
Can you believe that guy? God, the way they treat us at this company, like were rats running through a maze, looking for a piece of cheese.
Hey, wheres the bagels? Mr.
Park said it was an unneccesary expense.
I dont know about you two, but Im sick and tired of working for that douchebag.
Man, whens it gonna be my turn to be the boss, and then people call me the douchebag? Apparently a lot of people around here already think youre the boss.
We should start our own insurance agency.
Well, cant you picture it? Gold, Miller and - your last name, right, Donna? - Shleibweiler! "Gold and associates" it is! Come on! Cant you see it? The three of us building our own dream and making our own rules, drinking at lunch and not having to hide it? Come on, we can do this, what do you think? Wow, our own business, it does sound good.
And it would be nice to bring my cats to work.
One question, will there be bagels? Absolutely not, its a frivolous expense! - Douchebag.
- Thanks, Joe.
I Just got my 7th rejection letter from Shorthills College.
I cant believe it! When I asked my guidance council what Id need to get in, he said postage.
- Im pathetic.
- Hillary, youre overreacting.
Do you know anyone who got rejected from Shorthills College? God, no.
Well, you know that song: Everyone on the Shortbutts can always go to Shorthills.
Kids can be so cruel.
Im a total loser.
No wonder nobody wants me.
You know, college isnt your only option.
Im a loser too! Vicky, I got big news! So do I.
Do you know where the gravy boat was? In your sons room, which by the way he still has not cleaned.
Sweetie, I dont care about the gravy boat! Forget the gravy boat! Ill get you a new gravy boat! In fact, Ill get you an actual boat which we could fill with gravy.
And Ill buy you a mansion, and if you want, we could put gravy in that.
In fact, Ill buy you whatever you want, and Ill buy you whatever-ever-ever you need, Ill buy Ill buy whatever floats your boat! - Have you been doing blow? - No.
No, for your information, sweetie, youre looking at the new president of Gold and associates insurance.
Thats right.
Thats right, Im starting my own company.
Thats great, Im so proud of you! - So who are the associates? - Joe and Donna, but Im the visionary.
Theyre just my flying monkeys.
Thats why I was late, sweetie, we were going over the Gold and associates business plan.
We even came up with our own slogan.
You ready? Gold and associates.
We make accidents fun.
- Thats pretty snazzy, huh? - This is great.
This is all I ever wanted for you to see you happy and fullfilled.
Yeah, thats all I ever wanted for myself too, sweetie, but the extra money doesnt hurt either, right? No-no-no-no, this is about you living up to your potential.
Hey, come on, Dave, its my turn to steer! Sorry, muffin! I dont care about the money.
So, how did Mr.
Park take the news? Well, were not telling him yet, were waiting to finalize our business plans.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
- Yeah, and besides we, uh, havent filled out an application for a second mortgage yet.
Yeah, of course, wh- a second what now? Look, look, I now its risky, sweetie, okay, but Joe and Donna are making investments too.
Look, look, if were gonna do this right, you know, were gonna need seed money to get the company started you know, for office leases, computers, printing, that sort of thing.
Oh.
Seed money.
OK, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
What? Nothing, no, Im thrilled and very excited.
Its funny cause youre saying support of things but the, uh, look in your eyes and the wine dribbling down your chin makes me think otherwise.
Honey, dont be ridiculous, I support you 1000 percent, Im just seeing a whole new future for us.
Hey, Dave, its my turn to steer.
- Hey, did you study for your permit test yet? - Yes.
Good, so you wont mind if I quiz you, right? Uh, you dont have to do that, youre busy.
Oh, now Im definetely quizzing you.
Wheres that booklet thing? Here we go.
All right.
When, uh driving in heavy fog, do you keep your headlights on, headlights off, or headlights on low-beam? Well, obviously I wouldnt be driving in heavy fog because thats when werewolves are most likely to be out and about.
What the hell are you talking ab what are you what no! weirdo low-b whats the matter with you, man? You didnt study, did you? Dont you have a company to start? Yes, I do, and hopefully it will be more succesful than the family I started.
Take your test today, okay? - Morning! - Hey, youre in good mood! Yah, well, thats because I finally figured out what Im doing with my life.
- OK, you ready? - Yeah, what are you gonna do? I am joining the Army! - Well good luck with that! - Dave! Oh! Am I supposed to take this seriously? Huh? Honey, I forbid you to join the Army.
Do not do that.
Your mother and I want you to be an astronaut.
You know this just makes so much more sense to me than going to college right now! Did you know that I have five signs of a classic late bloomer? Whats that? Season every subject? Yes! Plus, you know, I am a drifter and a dreamer who just needs structure and discipline! Oh, where is this coming from? Have you been talking to a recruiter? OK, first off, Cal is more like a friend.
And he said that the Army could really help me turn my life around, plus theyll help pay for college! And theyll teach me new skills! Yeah, well, is Cal aware of the fact that you dont have any old skills? Whats your problem? What is so wrong about giving back to my country? God, you traitors! Hey, why dont you go shave your head, G.
I.
Jane? Look who finally showed up for work! At least you beat the UPS afternoon delivery guy.
Im sorry, you know, things got a little crazy at the house, you know how things are with kids.
I do not.
God did not bless Mrs.
Park with a fruitful womb.
Well, I have three of them at home, youre not missing anything.
Hey, look, I promise I wont take a long lunch today, okay? Thatll be your first.
Heh, hey, why dont I just reconsider the bagels and get rid of you, Dave? They cost less money and at least theyre here first thing in the morning.
OK, okay, hes a jerk, alright, but its just not worth it.
You now, for once, Im taking the high road.
Alright, thats it! You know what? Why dont you just kiss my ass, you miserable uptight douchebag! I quit! OK? Im sick and tired of taking your crap! You walk around here like you own the place! Yeah, maybe you do own the place, but thats not the point! OK, the point is, there is a thing called respect, courtesy, and providing a decent free breakfast! Oh, and by the way, your barren wife asked me to give you something oh, where is it oh, here it is! F**k you! Well thanks, Dave, and good luck to you! - Dave? - What, did you hear all that? Not all of it.
What was that thing his barren wife asked you to give him? Never mind that.
God, that felt good.
That felt really good! You know, you guys should go there and quit right now, we could just move up the timetable.
Yeah, about that, - Im sorry, but Im out! - What? What happened, Donna? My astrologer has a bad feeling about this! Look, if I were a forego, we woudnt even be having this conversation! Good luck with everything! Fine! Fine! I say, good riddance to bad news! Man, who needs her? Shes so chipper, and happy, and supportive.
Man, who wants that in a brand new company? You know, now we just have to change the name, we just change the name, we change it to Gold and associate.
Yeah, Im sorry, but Im out too.
I spoke to my wife.
What? What, did she say its a pipe dream and its never gonna work, is that what shes saying? No-no, she was very supportive.
Until I told her you were involved.
- Im sorry, buddy.
- Oh, dont buddy me, okay? You know what, youre just doing me a favor! Fine! If youll excuse me, I have to go to my office, steal my files, and Im outta here! Or maybe Im outta here right now.
If he struggles, use the tazer.
Hell! Use it anyway.
- So, how was work? - Fantastic! Great day for the new company.
In fact, sweetie, I figured out the way to triple my profit margin.
- Thats great, how? - I fired Joe and Donna.
Wait, wait, how does that triple you profit margin? I dont know, I dont know, Im not an accountant, okay, Im an idea man, some might even say a visionary.
Some might also say youre full of crap.
- They bailed on you, didnt they? - No, its called spin, Vicky.
Anyway, starting tomorrow, Im gonna be working right out of the house to keep cost down during the startup phase.
The Gold company.
How can we take care of all your insurance needs today? Please hold.
Hillary! Wait, wait, wait, wait, starting tomorrow? - I mean, whats the rush? - Sweetie, this is crazy, I actually forgot to tell you the funniest part of the whole story Oh, let me guess.
You quit your job? No, I voluntarily terminated my employment.
OK, yes, I quit my job.
- Well go get it back.
- Thats not gonna happen, okay, and when youll see the tazer scar on my shoulder youll understand why.
And besides, sweetie, I dont wanna go backwards, you know, I wanna go forwards, you know? Come on, I thought you supported me 1000 percent! I did, back when the flying monkeys were with you, - but now - What? What, sweetie? I dont get it.
You know, I thought you were just afraid, you know, afraid of the unknown, afraid of possibly losing the house, afraid of making the investment, but thats not the problem, is it? You dont believe in me! What the hell are you doing in here? Youre supposed to follow me in there and tell me how much you believe in me! Oh my God, you you really dont believe in me? Oh my God, you really, really dont believe in me! You know, when I said that I thought you didnt believe in me I thought you really did believe in me, but now I see that you really, you really dont believe in me! Yes I do.
Oh, please, dont bother, okay, I dont need your pity belief, okay, because I believe in me, alright, I believe in me enough for both of us.
And let me tell you something: there is no I in team, even if the team is just I.
And remember, okay, without any risk theres no reward! Yeah, sure, things just got riskier, but that just means theyre gonna be rewardier.
And by the way, youre no longer invited to the company picnic! Oh, you came to visit your Dad at work? Thats nice, sweetie, what are you doing? Im just filling out my application to drop off at the recruiting center.
- Oh, sweetie, youre still on that? - Yes.
Look, I understand whats going on here, youre just feeling bad about yourself because you got rejected by Shorthills.
Heh, you know, when I was in high school, we used to sing a song about that place, everyone on the Shortbutts can always go to Shorthills Yes, Im familiar with this song.
Look, I just think this is the right thing for me to do right now.
Hillary, Im not letting you join the Army, you understand? Well guess what! I am almost you wont be able to order me around anymore, no one will! Not you, not Mom, not anybody! You seem to have a firm grasp of what army life is gonna be like! - Hey, uh, how did you do in your permit test? - I got an A minus.
What? They dont give you letter grades! What is your problem, Larry? I dont understand this! Every kid in the world wants to drive, what is the problem? - Im scared, okay? - Sca Please dont tell me this is about werewolves again? No, no, its just I dont know, you know, first Im gonna get my permit and then my license, and then next thing you know Im gonna be graduating from high school and going to some college! I dont even know how to use a washing machine! Its just happening so fast! Im still getting used to having hair down there.
OK, look, Larry, I get it.
Step into my office.
Have a seat.
Look, I know what its like to be scared okay, you know, I was terrified when I first started my own business, but now look at me! Didnt you just start, like, an hour ago? Well , technically, it was 45 minutes ago, I was a little late, but thats not the point.
The point is, Larry, you cannot be scared of life, okay, because its gonna happen anyway! Alright? And these things that youre scared of now, Im telling you, one day youre gonna look back on them and Im telling you, youre gonna smile about it! You mean like when you were in college and you heard that Mom was pregnant? Yeah Yeah that was a good memory.
But come on man, what are you saying, you could do this driving thing, just step up to the plate! Well, okay, I guess Ill get my driving permit, - thanks, Dad.
- Not a problem.
Hey, maybe this weekend you can take me practice driving? No way.
I aint getting in the car with you behind the wheel.
And get outta here, okay, I dont wanna get no trouble with my new boss.
I heard hes a real hardass.
Yeah, thats right, Norm.
Yep, Im not with Lateful Insurance anymore.
Yep.
Started my own company.
Technically its just me.
Yeah, Im working right outta the house.
Hello? Norm? Hello? Yeah, well, hey, youre never too young to think about life insurance.
OK, then just put you mommy on the phone.
De de insuranco de lifo.
Squits.
Im just saying, you never know when something bad can happen.
I mean, I could come over there and kill you.
Look, you dont understand, I quit my job, I burned all my bridges, my wife does not believe in me, nobody believes in me Look, I just have to sell one policy today, just one, okay? Please, Im begging you.
Can you just call me back when you get the message, thanks.
What are you doing? Im just recovering from a massive panic attack.
And youre panicking because youve sold so many insurance policies, you dont know what are you gonna do with all the money you made? Yeah, thats right.
Vicky, it was one of those success panic attacks.
Oh Oh my God, its its starting up again, its falling inside my own body things.
OK, alright, okay, breathe, Dave, breathe.
No, I cant I can't I can't do this I can't I cant do this by myself.
You were right.
You were right, my father was right, every teacher who said I wasnt living up to my potential, they were all right.
OK, so what Im hearing is it wasnt a good first day? I think Im smelling toast.
Please, it was just one day, and thats not enough to decide if youre a success or a failure and dont listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, including me.
OK OK.
- OK, I feel better.
- Good, Im gonna get you some water.
Please, dont leave me! Oh my God, oh my God, I got into Bennington, I got into Bennington! I got into Bennington! Oh my God, you got into Bennington! You got into Bennington! Wait a minute, where the hells Bennington? It doesnt matter, you got into Bennington! Thats great, sweetie, Im so proud of you! Hey, I knew! I knew you could do it! So does this mean youre gonna give up your plan of joining the Army? Oh,please, that was the stupidest idea Ive ever had.
I dont know why you guys didnt try to talk me out of it.
Anyway, Im gonna need to check for 8 grand to send a deposit before they change their mind I gotta go call Brenda! I got into Bennington! I got into Bennington! Thats great! 8 thousand dollars wow.
Thats just the deposit, what are we gonna do? Its starting again, sweetie, its like that acid trip we took in college, except theres no pretty colors and theres no feeling groovy part.
Sir, we really need to talk Whoa! Hello, Mr.
Park.
And hello, Not-Mrs.
Park.
Wow, it must be super-casual Friday.
Hello, Dave, Hey, I hear you started your own company.
Hows that going? Actually, you know, Ive been thinking it over and, you know, I decided I wanna come back to work here.
And Im assuming youre not gonna have a problem with that, right, Mr.
Park? And you will neither, Not-Mrs.
Park? Good to have you back, Dave.
Hey, you seen my new cellphone? Check it out, it has all new features.
Smile.
Theyre in the exact same position we left them in two hours ago.
Its like you and I in college, except for we had an excuse.
We were baked.
- Did you guys hear us honking? - Yeah, we heard you.
Well, we needed help with the bags, why didnt you come? That question sort of answers itself, doesnt it? Larry, did you study your DMV booklet so you can finally get your learners permit? Cause Im sick and tired of driving your ass around anywhere.
For your information, I did study it.
- Did you? - Yes, I did.
- Did you? - No, I did not.
I have never seen a kid less excited about getting a drivers license! What is wrong with you? This is party training all over again.
Yeah, Larry, what do you wanna be, 30 years old and driving around on that stupid bike with the tassels? "Hey! Hey there! Nice Lexus 3! Yeah, nice banana seat, Larry! What about you? Did you clean that pigsty of a room yet? Eh, morning kinda got away from me.
What about the afternoon? I thought we had an agreement.
Is it my fault theres a marathon of celebrity fancamp on? Can you believe these kids? I say, your sperm and my eggs, its a powerful combination.
It certainly defeated every form of birth control we tried.
And finally, in light of diminishing profits and increased overhead, well be reducing the commission schedule by 3 percent.
Oh, wait a minute, what are you saying, Im gonna be making less money? Not if you bring in more clients.
Oh my God! Im gonna be making less money! Oh, God.
I cant believe this.
Can you believe that guy? God, the way they treat us at this company, like were rats running through a maze, looking for a piece of cheese.
Hey, wheres the bagels? Mr.
Park said it was an unneccesary expense.
I dont know about you two, but Im sick and tired of working for that douchebag.
Man, whens it gonna be my turn to be the boss, and then people call me the douchebag? Apparently a lot of people around here already think youre the boss.
We should start our own insurance agency.
Well, cant you picture it? Gold, Miller and - your last name, right, Donna? - Shleibweiler! "Gold and associates" it is! Come on! Cant you see it? The three of us building our own dream and making our own rules, drinking at lunch and not having to hide it? Come on, we can do this, what do you think? Wow, our own business, it does sound good.
And it would be nice to bring my cats to work.
One question, will there be bagels? Absolutely not, its a frivolous expense! - Douchebag.
- Thanks, Joe.
I Just got my 7th rejection letter from Shorthills College.
I cant believe it! When I asked my guidance council what Id need to get in, he said postage.
- Im pathetic.
- Hillary, youre overreacting.
Do you know anyone who got rejected from Shorthills College? God, no.
Well, you know that song: Everyone on the Shortbutts can always go to Shorthills.
Kids can be so cruel.
Im a total loser.
No wonder nobody wants me.
You know, college isnt your only option.
Im a loser too! Vicky, I got big news! So do I.
Do you know where the gravy boat was? In your sons room, which by the way he still has not cleaned.
Sweetie, I dont care about the gravy boat! Forget the gravy boat! Ill get you a new gravy boat! In fact, Ill get you an actual boat which we could fill with gravy.
And Ill buy you a mansion, and if you want, we could put gravy in that.
In fact, Ill buy you whatever you want, and Ill buy you whatever-ever-ever you need, Ill buy Ill buy whatever floats your boat! - Have you been doing blow? - No.
No, for your information, sweetie, youre looking at the new president of Gold and associates insurance.
Thats right.
Thats right, Im starting my own company.
Thats great, Im so proud of you! - So who are the associates? - Joe and Donna, but Im the visionary.
Theyre just my flying monkeys.
Thats why I was late, sweetie, we were going over the Gold and associates business plan.
We even came up with our own slogan.
You ready? Gold and associates.
We make accidents fun.
- Thats pretty snazzy, huh? - This is great.
This is all I ever wanted for you to see you happy and fullfilled.
Yeah, thats all I ever wanted for myself too, sweetie, but the extra money doesnt hurt either, right? No-no-no-no, this is about you living up to your potential.
Hey, come on, Dave, its my turn to steer! Sorry, muffin! I dont care about the money.
So, how did Mr.
Park take the news? Well, were not telling him yet, were waiting to finalize our business plans.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
- Yeah, and besides we, uh, havent filled out an application for a second mortgage yet.
Yeah, of course, wh- a second what now? Look, look, I now its risky, sweetie, okay, but Joe and Donna are making investments too.
Look, look, if were gonna do this right, you know, were gonna need seed money to get the company started you know, for office leases, computers, printing, that sort of thing.
Oh.
Seed money.
OK, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
What? Nothing, no, Im thrilled and very excited.
Its funny cause youre saying support of things but the, uh, look in your eyes and the wine dribbling down your chin makes me think otherwise.
Honey, dont be ridiculous, I support you 1000 percent, Im just seeing a whole new future for us.
Hey, Dave, its my turn to steer.
- Hey, did you study for your permit test yet? - Yes.
Good, so you wont mind if I quiz you, right? Uh, you dont have to do that, youre busy.
Oh, now Im definetely quizzing you.
Wheres that booklet thing? Here we go.
All right.
When, uh driving in heavy fog, do you keep your headlights on, headlights off, or headlights on low-beam? Well, obviously I wouldnt be driving in heavy fog because thats when werewolves are most likely to be out and about.
What the hell are you talking ab what are you what no! weirdo low-b whats the matter with you, man? You didnt study, did you? Dont you have a company to start? Yes, I do, and hopefully it will be more succesful than the family I started.
Take your test today, okay? - Morning! - Hey, youre in good mood! Yah, well, thats because I finally figured out what Im doing with my life.
- OK, you ready? - Yeah, what are you gonna do? I am joining the Army! - Well good luck with that! - Dave! Oh! Am I supposed to take this seriously? Huh? Honey, I forbid you to join the Army.
Do not do that.
Your mother and I want you to be an astronaut.
You know this just makes so much more sense to me than going to college right now! Did you know that I have five signs of a classic late bloomer? Whats that? Season every subject? Yes! Plus, you know, I am a drifter and a dreamer who just needs structure and discipline! Oh, where is this coming from? Have you been talking to a recruiter? OK, first off, Cal is more like a friend.
And he said that the Army could really help me turn my life around, plus theyll help pay for college! And theyll teach me new skills! Yeah, well, is Cal aware of the fact that you dont have any old skills? Whats your problem? What is so wrong about giving back to my country? God, you traitors! Hey, why dont you go shave your head, G.
I.
Jane? Look who finally showed up for work! At least you beat the UPS afternoon delivery guy.
Im sorry, you know, things got a little crazy at the house, you know how things are with kids.
I do not.
God did not bless Mrs.
Park with a fruitful womb.
Well, I have three of them at home, youre not missing anything.
Hey, look, I promise I wont take a long lunch today, okay? Thatll be your first.
Heh, hey, why dont I just reconsider the bagels and get rid of you, Dave? They cost less money and at least theyre here first thing in the morning.
OK, okay, hes a jerk, alright, but its just not worth it.
You now, for once, Im taking the high road.
Alright, thats it! You know what? Why dont you just kiss my ass, you miserable uptight douchebag! I quit! OK? Im sick and tired of taking your crap! You walk around here like you own the place! Yeah, maybe you do own the place, but thats not the point! OK, the point is, there is a thing called respect, courtesy, and providing a decent free breakfast! Oh, and by the way, your barren wife asked me to give you something oh, where is it oh, here it is! F**k you! Well thanks, Dave, and good luck to you! - Dave? - What, did you hear all that? Not all of it.
What was that thing his barren wife asked you to give him? Never mind that.
God, that felt good.
That felt really good! You know, you guys should go there and quit right now, we could just move up the timetable.
Yeah, about that, - Im sorry, but Im out! - What? What happened, Donna? My astrologer has a bad feeling about this! Look, if I were a forego, we woudnt even be having this conversation! Good luck with everything! Fine! Fine! I say, good riddance to bad news! Man, who needs her? Shes so chipper, and happy, and supportive.
Man, who wants that in a brand new company? You know, now we just have to change the name, we just change the name, we change it to Gold and associate.
Yeah, Im sorry, but Im out too.
I spoke to my wife.
What? What, did she say its a pipe dream and its never gonna work, is that what shes saying? No-no, she was very supportive.
Until I told her you were involved.
- Im sorry, buddy.
- Oh, dont buddy me, okay? You know what, youre just doing me a favor! Fine! If youll excuse me, I have to go to my office, steal my files, and Im outta here! Or maybe Im outta here right now.
If he struggles, use the tazer.
Hell! Use it anyway.
- So, how was work? - Fantastic! Great day for the new company.
In fact, sweetie, I figured out the way to triple my profit margin.
- Thats great, how? - I fired Joe and Donna.
Wait, wait, how does that triple you profit margin? I dont know, I dont know, Im not an accountant, okay, Im an idea man, some might even say a visionary.
Some might also say youre full of crap.
- They bailed on you, didnt they? - No, its called spin, Vicky.
Anyway, starting tomorrow, Im gonna be working right out of the house to keep cost down during the startup phase.
The Gold company.
How can we take care of all your insurance needs today? Please hold.
Hillary! Wait, wait, wait, wait, starting tomorrow? - I mean, whats the rush? - Sweetie, this is crazy, I actually forgot to tell you the funniest part of the whole story Oh, let me guess.
You quit your job? No, I voluntarily terminated my employment.
OK, yes, I quit my job.
- Well go get it back.
- Thats not gonna happen, okay, and when youll see the tazer scar on my shoulder youll understand why.
And besides, sweetie, I dont wanna go backwards, you know, I wanna go forwards, you know? Come on, I thought you supported me 1000 percent! I did, back when the flying monkeys were with you, - but now - What? What, sweetie? I dont get it.
You know, I thought you were just afraid, you know, afraid of the unknown, afraid of possibly losing the house, afraid of making the investment, but thats not the problem, is it? You dont believe in me! What the hell are you doing in here? Youre supposed to follow me in there and tell me how much you believe in me! Oh my God, you you really dont believe in me? Oh my God, you really, really dont believe in me! You know, when I said that I thought you didnt believe in me I thought you really did believe in me, but now I see that you really, you really dont believe in me! Yes I do.
Oh, please, dont bother, okay, I dont need your pity belief, okay, because I believe in me, alright, I believe in me enough for both of us.
And let me tell you something: there is no I in team, even if the team is just I.
And remember, okay, without any risk theres no reward! Yeah, sure, things just got riskier, but that just means theyre gonna be rewardier.
And by the way, youre no longer invited to the company picnic! Oh, you came to visit your Dad at work? Thats nice, sweetie, what are you doing? Im just filling out my application to drop off at the recruiting center.
- Oh, sweetie, youre still on that? - Yes.
Look, I understand whats going on here, youre just feeling bad about yourself because you got rejected by Shorthills.
Heh, you know, when I was in high school, we used to sing a song about that place, everyone on the Shortbutts can always go to Shorthills Yes, Im familiar with this song.
Look, I just think this is the right thing for me to do right now.
Hillary, Im not letting you join the Army, you understand? Well guess what! I am almost you wont be able to order me around anymore, no one will! Not you, not Mom, not anybody! You seem to have a firm grasp of what army life is gonna be like! - Hey, uh, how did you do in your permit test? - I got an A minus.
What? They dont give you letter grades! What is your problem, Larry? I dont understand this! Every kid in the world wants to drive, what is the problem? - Im scared, okay? - Sca Please dont tell me this is about werewolves again? No, no, its just I dont know, you know, first Im gonna get my permit and then my license, and then next thing you know Im gonna be graduating from high school and going to some college! I dont even know how to use a washing machine! Its just happening so fast! Im still getting used to having hair down there.
OK, look, Larry, I get it.
Step into my office.
Have a seat.
Look, I know what its like to be scared okay, you know, I was terrified when I first started my own business, but now look at me! Didnt you just start, like, an hour ago? Well , technically, it was 45 minutes ago, I was a little late, but thats not the point.
The point is, Larry, you cannot be scared of life, okay, because its gonna happen anyway! Alright? And these things that youre scared of now, Im telling you, one day youre gonna look back on them and Im telling you, youre gonna smile about it! You mean like when you were in college and you heard that Mom was pregnant? Yeah Yeah that was a good memory.
But come on man, what are you saying, you could do this driving thing, just step up to the plate! Well, okay, I guess Ill get my driving permit, - thanks, Dad.
- Not a problem.
Hey, maybe this weekend you can take me practice driving? No way.
I aint getting in the car with you behind the wheel.
And get outta here, okay, I dont wanna get no trouble with my new boss.
I heard hes a real hardass.
Yeah, thats right, Norm.
Yep, Im not with Lateful Insurance anymore.
Yep.
Started my own company.
Technically its just me.
Yeah, Im working right outta the house.
Hello? Norm? Hello? Yeah, well, hey, youre never too young to think about life insurance.
OK, then just put you mommy on the phone.
De de insuranco de lifo.
Squits.
Im just saying, you never know when something bad can happen.
I mean, I could come over there and kill you.
Look, you dont understand, I quit my job, I burned all my bridges, my wife does not believe in me, nobody believes in me Look, I just have to sell one policy today, just one, okay? Please, Im begging you.
Can you just call me back when you get the message, thanks.
What are you doing? Im just recovering from a massive panic attack.
And youre panicking because youve sold so many insurance policies, you dont know what are you gonna do with all the money you made? Yeah, thats right.
Vicky, it was one of those success panic attacks.
Oh Oh my God, its its starting up again, its falling inside my own body things.
OK, alright, okay, breathe, Dave, breathe.
No, I cant I can't I can't do this I can't I cant do this by myself.
You were right.
You were right, my father was right, every teacher who said I wasnt living up to my potential, they were all right.
OK, so what Im hearing is it wasnt a good first day? I think Im smelling toast.
Please, it was just one day, and thats not enough to decide if youre a success or a failure and dont listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, including me.
OK OK.
- OK, I feel better.
- Good, Im gonna get you some water.
Please, dont leave me! Oh my God, oh my God, I got into Bennington, I got into Bennington! I got into Bennington! Oh my God, you got into Bennington! You got into Bennington! Wait a minute, where the hells Bennington? It doesnt matter, you got into Bennington! Thats great, sweetie, Im so proud of you! Hey, I knew! I knew you could do it! So does this mean youre gonna give up your plan of joining the Army? Oh,please, that was the stupidest idea Ive ever had.
I dont know why you guys didnt try to talk me out of it.
Anyway, Im gonna need to check for 8 grand to send a deposit before they change their mind I gotta go call Brenda! I got into Bennington! I got into Bennington! Thats great! 8 thousand dollars wow.
Thats just the deposit, what are we gonna do? Its starting again, sweetie, its like that acid trip we took in college, except theres no pretty colors and theres no feeling groovy part.
Sir, we really need to talk Whoa! Hello, Mr.
Park.
And hello, Not-Mrs.
Park.
Wow, it must be super-casual Friday.
Hello, Dave, Hey, I hear you started your own company.
Hows that going? Actually, you know, Ive been thinking it over and, you know, I decided I wanna come back to work here.
And Im assuming youre not gonna have a problem with that, right, Mr.
Park? And you will neither, Not-Mrs.
Park? Good to have you back, Dave.
Hey, you seen my new cellphone? Check it out, it has all new features.
Smile.