What I Like About You (2002) s02e18 Episode Script
The Interview
"So if I am fortunate enough "to be accepted to Columbia University, "those are the contributions I feel I would bring to your fine institution.
" That, little sister, was gold.
Go Lions! Boo-yah! Okay, now, when I answered this question during my interview, not only did I get into Columbia, but my interviewer and I both got a chill.
Mm.
Okay, ready? Ahem.
"When they look back on your life, how do you want your friends and family to remember you?" - Well - What I said was, "I want people to say that honesty was my compass and truth my true north.
" Okay, I've got everything up to the compass.
Who's Trudy North? No, you have to come up with your own answer.
Oh, okay, no problem.
How do I want people to remember me? Um, well if my friends think about me and smile, then I think I've had a good life.
I just got another chill.
You know, you really surprise me sometimes.
I mean, you don't show people that deep, thoughtful side of yourself very often.
That was pretty awesome.
Thanks.
Before my interview, I'm just going to run up and catch a rerun of "Jackass.
" - Hi.
- Hey.
[ Val .]
: Hi.
Sorry I'm late, but you know the life of a doctor's girlfriend.
No problem.
I was just helping Holly with her Columbia interview.
Oh, Holly, don't sweat it.
As long as you have good S.
A.
T.
scores, they don't even care about the interview.
So Columbia, huh? Mm-hmm.
I tried to get into med school there.
They turned me down.
Yeah, well, you've got to be pretty special to get in there.
I ended up going to Harvard.
Well, at least you got in somewhere.
[ pager beeps .]
Oh, no, do you have to go back to the hospital? He's a doctor.
Oh, this is great.
My conference was canceled.
You know what that means -- I have the whole afternoon off, and that gives us eight hours to be together.
Can you get the afternoon off? Absolutely.
I'll meet you back at your apartment in 10 minutes.
Don't start without me.
Uh, did you not see me do this? I have been dating the doctor for three months, and we haven't done it.
What? You have held out for three months? It's not me.
It's him.
Yeah, well, that's normal for a guy not to want to have sex for three months.
Oh, he wants to.
Hello.
You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about Hey Uh-huh Uh-huh That's what I like about you Why don't you take a year off with me? Everybody's doing it now.
No, I really want to go to Columbia.
You can still go.
Just go a year later.
Okay, you be me, and I'll be Val.
Tell me you're taking a year off.
Okay, I'm taking a year off.
I'm sorry.
I would answer you, but I just had a stroke.
Man, have y'all thought about what's going to happen to us? I mean, I'll be at NYU, you'll be at Columbia, Henry will be at Princeton, you'll be out doing your thing, and it just won't be like this much longer -- us here together.
Gary, we're all going to school in New York.
Tina's living in New York.
We're still going to see each other all the time.
Yeah, but it'll be complicated trying to coordinate our schedules.
No, not really.
I guess what I'm trying to say is when I get to college and the girls discover Gary, you guys won't be seeing much of me, so soak me in, soak me in.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay, check this out -- Coney Island opens next week, right? This guy I work with -- his dad's one of the operators over there, and he told me I could bring a bunch of friends today to test out the rides -- for free.
Everything's free.
- What's the catch? - We could die.
- Free food, too? - Everything's free.
Ha ha.
Hey, I'm going to go cancel our orders.
What a bummer.
You can't go.
What are you talking about? Of course I'm going.
What about your Columbia interview? Oh, that's not until 4:00.
I'll go to Coney Island with you guys, have some free fun, and I'll be back in time for my interview.
My God, you are so frustrating.
Last week when you made Vince that romantic dinner and he blew you off, you were like, "That is it.
I am not putting myself through this anymore.
" And now all of a sudden, he wants you to go to Coney Island, and you're like, "Ha ha.
Okay, Vince.
" No, I love Coney Island.
You know that.
How would I know that when the entire time we've been friends, you never even mentioned it? Okay, well, you didn't know me during my Coney Island period.
Back then, everybody was like, "Where's Holly?" "Coney Island.
" Let's go, let's go.
Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were taking the afternoon off.
There's a problem with me and doctor.
Can it wait? I'm going to surprise Holly at her interview.
I thought maybe I'd take her out to dinner.
We did the hippity-dippity.
Okay, I'm really happy for you, but, um I don't have time to hear about it.
Okay, well, I'll just come with you.
Even if I did have the time, I so very much -- so very much -- don't want to hear about it, okay? Okay, just go.
[ sighs .]
All right, I'll give you one minute, but don't be gross.
Okay.
Everything was perfect -- chilled champagne, scented candles, and an awesome foot massage.
Thank God I just shaved the tops of my toes.
Anyway, so we were just about to finish making some beautiful love, when all of a sudden, he started to giggle.
Giggle? Giggle.
During? Just before the dippity.
Took me right out of it.
Okay, I have heard enough.
I have to go.
Is it possible it wasn't a giggle? Maybe it was the bed creaking.
No, the bed wasn't moving enough.
Issue number two.
Hey, Gary, check this out.
Shark! Shark! Help! Aah! That is a good one.
Oh, wait.
Gary, seriously, help me.
I can't get out.
I think I'm stuck.
Are you serious? You -- you can't get out? You can't move? No.
I think my hair's caught in his teeth.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Thank you.
Hey! Stop it! Stop -- ow! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I think some ketchup accidentally got on your dog.
No, I put it there.
How can you eat that? Like this.
These are free, too? Yeah, they want to make sure the ones from last year are still good.
I'm just Okay, now that you're full of food, let's go hit the Cyclone again.
Gary, Tina, Cyclone! Ooh, I get the front! I get the front! I get the front! Go ahead and take it.
When I was a kid, I always threw up in the front.
I get the back! I get the back! I get the back! It was really the back I threw up.
Come on, let's go.
No way can I do the Cyclone again.
I just ate.
You have to.
You're my Cyclone buddy.
Okay! Wait, help! Yeah, it's me -- Tina.
Ow, ow, ow.
All right, I'll meet you there.
I got to get Tina's head out of the shark.
Hey, what are you doing in there? I thought it would be funny.
It's hilarious.
Come on.
Vince is waiting for the Cyclone.
Ow, ow.
Okay.
All right, now, what are you doing? You know, your interview is in, like, 45 minutes.
You have to go now.
Yeah, I'm going to have to reschedule.
Okay, so you're going to just reschedule your college interview? Come on, I'm having so much fun.
- With Vince! - Yeah, with everyone.
How often do you get to come to amusement parks for free? You know what I think? You're being really stupid right now.
[ humming .]
Hi.
I'm sorry.
Um, I was looking for Holly Tyler.
Can you tell me if she's already gone in there? No, actually, I just got a call.
There was some kind of emergency, and she had to cancel.
E-emergency? What kind of an emergency? What did she say? Oh, I didn't talk to her.
I talked to her sister Val.
Oh -- Val.
Really.
What exactly did Val say? Just that Holly was detained, and she couldn't make it today.
[ angrily .]
Oh, my God.
Oh, don't worry.
It didn't sound serious.
I'm sure she'll be okay.
Ha ha ha ha.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How was your interview? Oh, the admissions office called and canceled on me.
Apparently, they had some sort of emergency.
An emergency, huh? Yeah, some "scholastic disaster.
" I don't know, but they said that they'll just reschedule.
Would you stop it? I know what you did.
What? You canceled your college interview.
I went there to surprise you.
I know everything.
Okay, okay, yes, I did.
Calm down.
I did cancel my interview, but it was for a perfectly good reason.
Oh, good, good.
I can't wait to hear this one.
Go ahead, tell me, tell me, tell me.
I went to Coney Island! Coney Island? Yeah, Vince got us in for free.
Vince? Yeah.
Oh, my God, it was so much fun.
We were, like, the only ones there.
Can you believe that? No.
I can't believe any of this.
You went to Coney Island instead of your college interview? Do you understand what you have done? Why are you being so dramatic? I'll just call and reschedule.
Reschedule? Yeah.
I have been on the phone for the past two hours trying to get you another interview.
Do you have any idea when the next slot is open? Tuesday -- Great.
I'll be there.
Mnh-mnh, no.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005.
What? That's, like, next year.
Hmm.
It's not like next year.
It is next year.
Okay, well, I'm sure there's something -- No, there isn't.
You blew it.
Okay, well, maybe I can -- No, you can't.
Do you have any idea how many people want to get into Columbia? Did you think they were just going to stop and fit you in whenever it was convenient for you? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
Just stop being sorry and just take control of your life.
Stop letting some boy who doesn't even -- What? Doesn't even what? I just don't want to see you let some boy ruin your future.
He's not.
It was my decision to go to Coney Island, and it wasn't for some boy who doesn't even.
What was that? That's 'cause you can't hear my door slam from upstairs.
Interview [ muttering .]
What? I'm a little hurt.
About what? That you would choose to confide in the eggs instead of me.
Lauren, I just didn't want to burden you -- Oh, burden me? I'm your friend, okay? Look, who knows you better than I do? I'm just so worried about her.
Who? Holly.
Ah.
Go on.
Yes.
II -- this is a very critical time for her.
I don't think she realizes she is at a crossroads right now, and every decision she makes from here on out affects the rest of her life.
Oh, come here.
Come here.
What do I do about the giggler? I don't know.
You said yourself this relationship with Brad isn't working out, so just end it.
God, I was so much more sensitive to your problem.
Okay, do you love him? Who, giggles? Hell no.
Okay, why don't you write a list of the pros and cons? Ooh, I did it.
Let's start with the cons.
Okay -- ahem.
He's tactless.
Tells disgusting stories.
Often smells like sick people.
When he talks, sometimes he gets that white dot of spit that goes up and down.
Okay, okay.
Oh, and twice, I saw earwax -- once 'cause he showed me.
How about the pros? Ooh, I got a whole page.
That's it? That's the only reason you're staying in this relationship? Because he's a doctor, and he buys you fancy things and takes you to expensive dinners? I am appalled.
You think I'm with doctor for his money? Why else would you be so obsessed with dating a doctor? Okay, can you please come here and sit down? Okay? I'm just going to come clean with you here.
All right, total honesty.
Now, I have never told you this before, but I have a serious illness.
Oh, my God.
What? I don't know yet.
But it is just lurking inside of me waiting to come out at some moment when I least expect it.
And if that moment should happen at some odd hour or in a foreign country like Mexico, I want to make sure there's a doctor by my side at all times.
Now, doesn't someone feel silly? Val said I wrecked my whole future.
I just think that saying that I wrecked my whole future is kind of an overreaction.
Well, what are you going to do? You're obviously not going to go to Columbia.
I don't know.
Well, maybe I'll just take a year off and hang out with Tina.
I'm not hanging out.
For the first six months, I am going to work in an animal shelter, and then I have a job at a vet's office in Tribeca.
Wait a minute.
So all these times that we say goodbye and I go home and listen to music, you guys are actually doing stuff? All right, all right.
What is your backup plan? Oh, my God.
You have backup plans, too?! You don't have a backup plan? No, but I never thought I'd need it.
It was always Columbia, Columbia, Columbia.
And the worst part is Val so had her heart set on me going there.
Yeah, well, my brother's the same way.
He was all excited about me going to his school.
He even made me go on a tour.
My mom did that, too.
God, what is it with people and their colleges? I guess it's like you're keeping their past alive.
Now, I don't want his old sad-ass memories.
I want my own sad-ass memories.
So is that why you're going to NYU instead of your brother's school? Well, that and he went to beauty school.
Oh, hi.
You must be, uh, Perdita Jasay.
Jasai.
Yes, I am Perdita Jasai.
You're early.
I like that.
Why don't you, uh, just close the door, and we'll get started? Okay.
Well, why don't you tell me something about yourself, uh, Perdita? That's a pretty name.
What does it mean? Holly Tyler.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm actually not Perdita Jasai.
I don't understand.
Dr.
Thompkins, my interview was supposed to be yesterday, and I missed it, so I've been trying to reschedule -- Yeah, you're going to have to call the admissions office.
I already tried.
I can't get anything until next year.
Well, that's probably because there are 15,000 other people trying to get in this school, too.
I mean, these are the applicants I have to see just today.
Well, Perdita's not due for another seven minutes.
Can we just get to know each other real fast? I'm sorry.
Look, maybe next year.
No, I can't talk about next year.
It has to be this year.
This is too important.
Look, I really don't think that -- Dr.
Thompkins, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life.
I mean, if I walk out that door, you may never see me again, and look at all the people that went to this school -- Teddy and Franklin D.
Roosevelt, Caroline Kennedy, Amelia Earhart, Brian Dennehy, not to mention Grammy Award winners Alicia Keys and Lauryn Hill.
What if they had missed their college interviews, huh? I don't think you want to take that chance, sir.
I don't think you do.
All right.
You've got five minutes to win me over.
Okay.
Thank you.
My sister Val graduated from this school, and she and I have talked about me going here since I was 7.
I've never even considered another school, and as far as I'm concerned, there are no other schools.
Look, I don't have your S.
A.
T.
scores in front of me.
How did you do? Oh, I think I got, uh a 1600.
You know, I can get them.
About those scores -- there's a reason that they won't blow you away, because the day of the test, something really horrible happened -- totally unexpected.
Oh, no.
What? The questions were really hard.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
So am I in? Hey, what are you doing? Thinking.
Come on, really.
I've made a decision.
I have to break up with Brad.
I took a long, hard look at the pro and con list, and I realized there was only one pro.
The only reason it looked like a lot was because I wrote the word "doctor" really huge with a big fat marks-a-lot.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to tell him.
Oh, God, I just can't.
No, you can do it.
It'll be okay.
Just let him down easy.
No, it's not that.
I don't want to see that white spit dot again.
Ew.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay, don't get all excited, but guess where I've just been for the last hour.
Well, you've got finals coming up, so I'm guessing Funland? No, I went to my Columbia interview.
I decided that if they won't reschedule me, I'll reschedule them.
So I marched in there, no appointment, and had a great conversation with that Dr.
Thompkins guy.
He is so cool.
Wait, you just barged in there? Oh, I did it up Perdita style.
Per-who? Dita.
It doesn't matter.
I can't believe you did that.
I know.
I did it, and it went great.
It went better than I even imagined.
[ gasps .]
Ooh, tell me.
Tell me everything.
- It was so fun, and you know why, I think? - Why? Because we spent the whole time talking about me.
This is so exciting.
I know.
We talked about my future and stuff, and it kind of made me feel like, I don't know, all grown up.
Ooh, good, good.
And then we just talked about how I'm moving into that period of my life where I have to be responsible for myself, making my own decisions, because, you know, it's my future.
It is.
It is your future.
- So I made my first big decision.
- What? I'm not going to Columbia.
Heh? Val, I know how much you wanted me to go there, and it's a great school, but it's your school and your memories, and I want my own memories and my own experiences.
Okay, you have been dreaming about going there ever since I was a little girl.
All right, please listen.
When Dr.
Thompkins asked me why I wanted to go to Columbia, do you know what I said? "I don't know.
" Aw, we rehearsed that.
Val, it's just that Gary is so excited about going to NYU, and Tina's so excited about taking time off, and I want to be excited about what I want to do.
Okay, what do you want to do? I don't know, but isn't that exciting? No, unh-unh.
Okay, what I'm hearing here is, uh, you don't want to go to Columbia, and you're very excited about your future, although you have no idea what it is.
Yes.
And you don't want to go to Columbia.
No.
Brian Dennehy went there.
Hey.
Oh, so I heard -- did you break up with the, uh, doctor? Well, not so much break up as I'm engaged! Ha ha ha!
" That, little sister, was gold.
Go Lions! Boo-yah! Okay, now, when I answered this question during my interview, not only did I get into Columbia, but my interviewer and I both got a chill.
Mm.
Okay, ready? Ahem.
"When they look back on your life, how do you want your friends and family to remember you?" - Well - What I said was, "I want people to say that honesty was my compass and truth my true north.
" Okay, I've got everything up to the compass.
Who's Trudy North? No, you have to come up with your own answer.
Oh, okay, no problem.
How do I want people to remember me? Um, well if my friends think about me and smile, then I think I've had a good life.
I just got another chill.
You know, you really surprise me sometimes.
I mean, you don't show people that deep, thoughtful side of yourself very often.
That was pretty awesome.
Thanks.
Before my interview, I'm just going to run up and catch a rerun of "Jackass.
" - Hi.
- Hey.
[ Val .]
: Hi.
Sorry I'm late, but you know the life of a doctor's girlfriend.
No problem.
I was just helping Holly with her Columbia interview.
Oh, Holly, don't sweat it.
As long as you have good S.
A.
T.
scores, they don't even care about the interview.
So Columbia, huh? Mm-hmm.
I tried to get into med school there.
They turned me down.
Yeah, well, you've got to be pretty special to get in there.
I ended up going to Harvard.
Well, at least you got in somewhere.
[ pager beeps .]
Oh, no, do you have to go back to the hospital? He's a doctor.
Oh, this is great.
My conference was canceled.
You know what that means -- I have the whole afternoon off, and that gives us eight hours to be together.
Can you get the afternoon off? Absolutely.
I'll meet you back at your apartment in 10 minutes.
Don't start without me.
Uh, did you not see me do this? I have been dating the doctor for three months, and we haven't done it.
What? You have held out for three months? It's not me.
It's him.
Yeah, well, that's normal for a guy not to want to have sex for three months.
Oh, he wants to.
Hello.
You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about Hey Uh-huh Uh-huh That's what I like about you Why don't you take a year off with me? Everybody's doing it now.
No, I really want to go to Columbia.
You can still go.
Just go a year later.
Okay, you be me, and I'll be Val.
Tell me you're taking a year off.
Okay, I'm taking a year off.
I'm sorry.
I would answer you, but I just had a stroke.
Man, have y'all thought about what's going to happen to us? I mean, I'll be at NYU, you'll be at Columbia, Henry will be at Princeton, you'll be out doing your thing, and it just won't be like this much longer -- us here together.
Gary, we're all going to school in New York.
Tina's living in New York.
We're still going to see each other all the time.
Yeah, but it'll be complicated trying to coordinate our schedules.
No, not really.
I guess what I'm trying to say is when I get to college and the girls discover Gary, you guys won't be seeing much of me, so soak me in, soak me in.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay, check this out -- Coney Island opens next week, right? This guy I work with -- his dad's one of the operators over there, and he told me I could bring a bunch of friends today to test out the rides -- for free.
Everything's free.
- What's the catch? - We could die.
- Free food, too? - Everything's free.
Ha ha.
Hey, I'm going to go cancel our orders.
What a bummer.
You can't go.
What are you talking about? Of course I'm going.
What about your Columbia interview? Oh, that's not until 4:00.
I'll go to Coney Island with you guys, have some free fun, and I'll be back in time for my interview.
My God, you are so frustrating.
Last week when you made Vince that romantic dinner and he blew you off, you were like, "That is it.
I am not putting myself through this anymore.
" And now all of a sudden, he wants you to go to Coney Island, and you're like, "Ha ha.
Okay, Vince.
" No, I love Coney Island.
You know that.
How would I know that when the entire time we've been friends, you never even mentioned it? Okay, well, you didn't know me during my Coney Island period.
Back then, everybody was like, "Where's Holly?" "Coney Island.
" Let's go, let's go.
Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were taking the afternoon off.
There's a problem with me and doctor.
Can it wait? I'm going to surprise Holly at her interview.
I thought maybe I'd take her out to dinner.
We did the hippity-dippity.
Okay, I'm really happy for you, but, um I don't have time to hear about it.
Okay, well, I'll just come with you.
Even if I did have the time, I so very much -- so very much -- don't want to hear about it, okay? Okay, just go.
[ sighs .]
All right, I'll give you one minute, but don't be gross.
Okay.
Everything was perfect -- chilled champagne, scented candles, and an awesome foot massage.
Thank God I just shaved the tops of my toes.
Anyway, so we were just about to finish making some beautiful love, when all of a sudden, he started to giggle.
Giggle? Giggle.
During? Just before the dippity.
Took me right out of it.
Okay, I have heard enough.
I have to go.
Is it possible it wasn't a giggle? Maybe it was the bed creaking.
No, the bed wasn't moving enough.
Issue number two.
Hey, Gary, check this out.
Shark! Shark! Help! Aah! That is a good one.
Oh, wait.
Gary, seriously, help me.
I can't get out.
I think I'm stuck.
Are you serious? You -- you can't get out? You can't move? No.
I think my hair's caught in his teeth.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Thank you.
Hey! Stop it! Stop -- ow! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I think some ketchup accidentally got on your dog.
No, I put it there.
How can you eat that? Like this.
These are free, too? Yeah, they want to make sure the ones from last year are still good.
I'm just Okay, now that you're full of food, let's go hit the Cyclone again.
Gary, Tina, Cyclone! Ooh, I get the front! I get the front! I get the front! Go ahead and take it.
When I was a kid, I always threw up in the front.
I get the back! I get the back! I get the back! It was really the back I threw up.
Come on, let's go.
No way can I do the Cyclone again.
I just ate.
You have to.
You're my Cyclone buddy.
Okay! Wait, help! Yeah, it's me -- Tina.
Ow, ow, ow.
All right, I'll meet you there.
I got to get Tina's head out of the shark.
Hey, what are you doing in there? I thought it would be funny.
It's hilarious.
Come on.
Vince is waiting for the Cyclone.
Ow, ow.
Okay.
All right, now, what are you doing? You know, your interview is in, like, 45 minutes.
You have to go now.
Yeah, I'm going to have to reschedule.
Okay, so you're going to just reschedule your college interview? Come on, I'm having so much fun.
- With Vince! - Yeah, with everyone.
How often do you get to come to amusement parks for free? You know what I think? You're being really stupid right now.
[ humming .]
Hi.
I'm sorry.
Um, I was looking for Holly Tyler.
Can you tell me if she's already gone in there? No, actually, I just got a call.
There was some kind of emergency, and she had to cancel.
E-emergency? What kind of an emergency? What did she say? Oh, I didn't talk to her.
I talked to her sister Val.
Oh -- Val.
Really.
What exactly did Val say? Just that Holly was detained, and she couldn't make it today.
[ angrily .]
Oh, my God.
Oh, don't worry.
It didn't sound serious.
I'm sure she'll be okay.
Ha ha ha ha.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How was your interview? Oh, the admissions office called and canceled on me.
Apparently, they had some sort of emergency.
An emergency, huh? Yeah, some "scholastic disaster.
" I don't know, but they said that they'll just reschedule.
Would you stop it? I know what you did.
What? You canceled your college interview.
I went there to surprise you.
I know everything.
Okay, okay, yes, I did.
Calm down.
I did cancel my interview, but it was for a perfectly good reason.
Oh, good, good.
I can't wait to hear this one.
Go ahead, tell me, tell me, tell me.
I went to Coney Island! Coney Island? Yeah, Vince got us in for free.
Vince? Yeah.
Oh, my God, it was so much fun.
We were, like, the only ones there.
Can you believe that? No.
I can't believe any of this.
You went to Coney Island instead of your college interview? Do you understand what you have done? Why are you being so dramatic? I'll just call and reschedule.
Reschedule? Yeah.
I have been on the phone for the past two hours trying to get you another interview.
Do you have any idea when the next slot is open? Tuesday -- Great.
I'll be there.
Mnh-mnh, no.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005.
What? That's, like, next year.
Hmm.
It's not like next year.
It is next year.
Okay, well, I'm sure there's something -- No, there isn't.
You blew it.
Okay, well, maybe I can -- No, you can't.
Do you have any idea how many people want to get into Columbia? Did you think they were just going to stop and fit you in whenever it was convenient for you? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
Just stop being sorry and just take control of your life.
Stop letting some boy who doesn't even -- What? Doesn't even what? I just don't want to see you let some boy ruin your future.
He's not.
It was my decision to go to Coney Island, and it wasn't for some boy who doesn't even.
What was that? That's 'cause you can't hear my door slam from upstairs.
Interview [ muttering .]
What? I'm a little hurt.
About what? That you would choose to confide in the eggs instead of me.
Lauren, I just didn't want to burden you -- Oh, burden me? I'm your friend, okay? Look, who knows you better than I do? I'm just so worried about her.
Who? Holly.
Ah.
Go on.
Yes.
II -- this is a very critical time for her.
I don't think she realizes she is at a crossroads right now, and every decision she makes from here on out affects the rest of her life.
Oh, come here.
Come here.
What do I do about the giggler? I don't know.
You said yourself this relationship with Brad isn't working out, so just end it.
God, I was so much more sensitive to your problem.
Okay, do you love him? Who, giggles? Hell no.
Okay, why don't you write a list of the pros and cons? Ooh, I did it.
Let's start with the cons.
Okay -- ahem.
He's tactless.
Tells disgusting stories.
Often smells like sick people.
When he talks, sometimes he gets that white dot of spit that goes up and down.
Okay, okay.
Oh, and twice, I saw earwax -- once 'cause he showed me.
How about the pros? Ooh, I got a whole page.
That's it? That's the only reason you're staying in this relationship? Because he's a doctor, and he buys you fancy things and takes you to expensive dinners? I am appalled.
You think I'm with doctor for his money? Why else would you be so obsessed with dating a doctor? Okay, can you please come here and sit down? Okay? I'm just going to come clean with you here.
All right, total honesty.
Now, I have never told you this before, but I have a serious illness.
Oh, my God.
What? I don't know yet.
But it is just lurking inside of me waiting to come out at some moment when I least expect it.
And if that moment should happen at some odd hour or in a foreign country like Mexico, I want to make sure there's a doctor by my side at all times.
Now, doesn't someone feel silly? Val said I wrecked my whole future.
I just think that saying that I wrecked my whole future is kind of an overreaction.
Well, what are you going to do? You're obviously not going to go to Columbia.
I don't know.
Well, maybe I'll just take a year off and hang out with Tina.
I'm not hanging out.
For the first six months, I am going to work in an animal shelter, and then I have a job at a vet's office in Tribeca.
Wait a minute.
So all these times that we say goodbye and I go home and listen to music, you guys are actually doing stuff? All right, all right.
What is your backup plan? Oh, my God.
You have backup plans, too?! You don't have a backup plan? No, but I never thought I'd need it.
It was always Columbia, Columbia, Columbia.
And the worst part is Val so had her heart set on me going there.
Yeah, well, my brother's the same way.
He was all excited about me going to his school.
He even made me go on a tour.
My mom did that, too.
God, what is it with people and their colleges? I guess it's like you're keeping their past alive.
Now, I don't want his old sad-ass memories.
I want my own sad-ass memories.
So is that why you're going to NYU instead of your brother's school? Well, that and he went to beauty school.
Oh, hi.
You must be, uh, Perdita Jasay.
Jasai.
Yes, I am Perdita Jasai.
You're early.
I like that.
Why don't you, uh, just close the door, and we'll get started? Okay.
Well, why don't you tell me something about yourself, uh, Perdita? That's a pretty name.
What does it mean? Holly Tyler.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm actually not Perdita Jasai.
I don't understand.
Dr.
Thompkins, my interview was supposed to be yesterday, and I missed it, so I've been trying to reschedule -- Yeah, you're going to have to call the admissions office.
I already tried.
I can't get anything until next year.
Well, that's probably because there are 15,000 other people trying to get in this school, too.
I mean, these are the applicants I have to see just today.
Well, Perdita's not due for another seven minutes.
Can we just get to know each other real fast? I'm sorry.
Look, maybe next year.
No, I can't talk about next year.
It has to be this year.
This is too important.
Look, I really don't think that -- Dr.
Thompkins, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life.
I mean, if I walk out that door, you may never see me again, and look at all the people that went to this school -- Teddy and Franklin D.
Roosevelt, Caroline Kennedy, Amelia Earhart, Brian Dennehy, not to mention Grammy Award winners Alicia Keys and Lauryn Hill.
What if they had missed their college interviews, huh? I don't think you want to take that chance, sir.
I don't think you do.
All right.
You've got five minutes to win me over.
Okay.
Thank you.
My sister Val graduated from this school, and she and I have talked about me going here since I was 7.
I've never even considered another school, and as far as I'm concerned, there are no other schools.
Look, I don't have your S.
A.
T.
scores in front of me.
How did you do? Oh, I think I got, uh a 1600.
You know, I can get them.
About those scores -- there's a reason that they won't blow you away, because the day of the test, something really horrible happened -- totally unexpected.
Oh, no.
What? The questions were really hard.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
So am I in? Hey, what are you doing? Thinking.
Come on, really.
I've made a decision.
I have to break up with Brad.
I took a long, hard look at the pro and con list, and I realized there was only one pro.
The only reason it looked like a lot was because I wrote the word "doctor" really huge with a big fat marks-a-lot.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to tell him.
Oh, God, I just can't.
No, you can do it.
It'll be okay.
Just let him down easy.
No, it's not that.
I don't want to see that white spit dot again.
Ew.
Hey.
Hey.
Okay, don't get all excited, but guess where I've just been for the last hour.
Well, you've got finals coming up, so I'm guessing Funland? No, I went to my Columbia interview.
I decided that if they won't reschedule me, I'll reschedule them.
So I marched in there, no appointment, and had a great conversation with that Dr.
Thompkins guy.
He is so cool.
Wait, you just barged in there? Oh, I did it up Perdita style.
Per-who? Dita.
It doesn't matter.
I can't believe you did that.
I know.
I did it, and it went great.
It went better than I even imagined.
[ gasps .]
Ooh, tell me.
Tell me everything.
- It was so fun, and you know why, I think? - Why? Because we spent the whole time talking about me.
This is so exciting.
I know.
We talked about my future and stuff, and it kind of made me feel like, I don't know, all grown up.
Ooh, good, good.
And then we just talked about how I'm moving into that period of my life where I have to be responsible for myself, making my own decisions, because, you know, it's my future.
It is.
It is your future.
- So I made my first big decision.
- What? I'm not going to Columbia.
Heh? Val, I know how much you wanted me to go there, and it's a great school, but it's your school and your memories, and I want my own memories and my own experiences.
Okay, you have been dreaming about going there ever since I was a little girl.
All right, please listen.
When Dr.
Thompkins asked me why I wanted to go to Columbia, do you know what I said? "I don't know.
" Aw, we rehearsed that.
Val, it's just that Gary is so excited about going to NYU, and Tina's so excited about taking time off, and I want to be excited about what I want to do.
Okay, what do you want to do? I don't know, but isn't that exciting? No, unh-unh.
Okay, what I'm hearing here is, uh, you don't want to go to Columbia, and you're very excited about your future, although you have no idea what it is.
Yes.
And you don't want to go to Columbia.
No.
Brian Dennehy went there.
Hey.
Oh, so I heard -- did you break up with the, uh, doctor? Well, not so much break up as I'm engaged! Ha ha ha!