ALF s02e19 Episode Script
We Gotta Get Out of This Place
[ Hums .]
I wouldn't do that if i were you.
Why not ? Because i might lose.
I'm sorry.
Check.
[ Telephone rings .]
Get that.
I want to plan my next move.
Hello.
The who-Meister ? Sure.
Hang on.
It's for you.
It must be jody.
Hello.
Hey, what's happening ? I saw that, willie.
Your building's going where ? Condo ? Where's condo ? Oh ! Hey, no problem.
You can stay here until you find a new place.
Why would anybody mind ? We have a slogan here -- "Welcome" -- It's on the mat outside.
Willie sends his love.
Okay, bye bye.
Hang that up, will you ? The door mat says "wipe your feet.
" Jody's blind.
She'll never know.
** It's not that we don't want jody to stay, It's just that we have a rule that says -- No dating boys with vans.
That rule doesn't apply.
It's a good one, though.
You shouldn't have invited a guest without asking us.
Would you rather i dated a boy with a van ? Why can't jody stay for a few days ? We put up with your mother staying here.
That's true.
Willie ! She does that nasal thing at night.
Yeah, that heeeeeeee.
Heeeeeeeeeee.
Heeeeeeeeeee.
All right ! We get the picture.
Doesn't jody have any other friends to stay with ? From this planet ? No, she's very shy.
Just like me.
You ? Shy ? You should have seen outgoing melmacians.
It was a planet of game-Show hosts.
I'm sorry.
We'd like her to stay, But it's just too risky.
How would you feel if you were blind and homeless ? With no one to turn to ? I think alf has a point.
You're darn right.
What is it ? We can't turn our back on someone who needs us.
Well, all right.
She can use the guest room until she finds a place of her own.
Great ! Thanks, lynn.
I owe you one.
One ? Well, one today.
Perfect.
[ Crash .]
Almost perfect.
What was that crash ? A lamp fell off the furniture.
That leads to my next 2 questions.
A -- What was the lamp doing on a pile of furniture ? And b -- Why is the furniture in a pile ? Aren't you forgetting "c" ? What's for lunch ? Who piled up all the furniture ? Alf, why did you pile up all the furniture ? I stacked it, to get it out of jody's way.
She'll be safe if she stays out of the "falling lamp" zone.
Alf, let's rethink this.
Jody lived in an apartment.
Jody had furniture.
Jody walked around the furniture.
See jody.
See jody run.
Run, jody, run.
See the furniture.
See the alien move the furniture back.
Move, alien, move.
See the alien throw out his back.
See the alien blame the tanners.
Lawsuit, tanners, lawsuit.
I think she's here.
Okay, everyone, stay calm.
We are calm.
Then, show some enthusiasm.
Excuse me, i'm not sure i have the right house.
I'm looking for -- Jod-Meister ! This is the place.
It's okay.
Thanks.
Come on in.
I'm willie.
The patriarch of the tanner clan.
Sounds good to me.
This is my wife, kate.
And this is lynn and brian.
Nice to meet you.
You, too.
Run around.
You won't bump into anything.
Oh.
I hope you didn't rearrange the furniture.
It was no trouble.
It was fun.
It will be even more fun putting it back.
Oh, well then you can do it.
Thanks for letting me stay here.
I hate to impose, but i didn't know what else to do.
You're not imposing.
We're glad you're here.
And stay as long as you like.
Yeah, alf did.
Time's up.
What's your guess ? Uh, swiss.
Close, but no cigar.
It's monterey jack, swiss' country cousin.
Are you sure ? There are holes in this.
I used a hole punch.
That's cheating.
All's fair in love and "guess the cheese.
" Let's play "guess the belch".
[ Burp .]
Alf.
You don't guess who belched.
You guess what they ate.
Oh, alf.
Why are there little cheese dots in the living room ? Well, i've never heard that term before, But i think those are your children.
Did you do this to the hole punch ? That explains the little cheese dots.
Why was today's newspaper thrown into the trash ? I don't know.
Ask kate.
I am kate.
I was hoping you'd be confused and forget the question.
Alf, You said the paper didn't come today.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When we don't want our guests to leave.
Kate, willie I'm sorry.
Can someone please read me the classifieds ? Sure.
You can't read those.
They're classified.
Ha !Ha ! Here's a good one -- Give me that.
I'll find something.
This looks good.
What ? Rib roast is $1.
59 a pound.
Let me look.
Here's one.
Cozy 1-Bedroom, furnished, wall-To-Wall carpet, view Pass.
Why ? It says "one month's security.
" After that, you'd be in danger.
I think i'll call anyway.
What's the number ? If you keep acting like this, jody will move out.
Jody wants to move out.
This is all news to me.
Jody is a grown woman.
She needs her independence.
That's easy for you to say.
You know nothing of the plight of blind people.
And you do ? Yes ! The other day, i locked myself in the closet.
Being blind is very dusty, and smells like boots.
Jody's survived for years without us.
She can do it again.
I think she wants to do it again.
Fine.
Think what thou wilst.
Wilst ? Jody's my pal.
If she goes, i go.
What are you saying ? If she goes, i go.
Not a lot of verbal clutter there.
Now you're just being ridiculous.
Jody could never take care of you like we have.
Take care of me ? Are you implying that i'm some sort of house-Bound dilettante ? No, no, no well, yes.
For your information, i'll be taking care of her.
Jody needs me like a hole in the head.
Isn't that good on your planet ? Well, the apartment's available.
What a coincidence.
So am i.
Hey, lucky, i'll be gone for awhile.
Gee, i've never seen a cat smile before.
[ Kissing noises .]
This book doesn't have any words.
It's got zits ! It must be one of those connect-The-Dot books.
Hi, groceries.
I mean, hi, jody.
Hi, alf.
What are you doing ? I'm playing with one of your connect-The-Dot books.
I drew the spaghetti.
You could draw the meatballs.
Or the red wine.
This is a braille book.
These dots represent letters.
You rub your fingers over them to read the book.
Wouldn't that rub the fur off your fingers ? What ? Well, if you had furry fingers.
You say some of the strangest things.
It's no big deal.
It doesn't mean that i'm weird.
I'm just a regular, average being from your planet.
I know that.
But there is something i wanted to talk about.
Shoot.
Well, uh I really don't understand you.
You don't have a job.
You never leave the house.
I guess i'd better tell you the truth.
Please.
I'm old.
I'm real old.
Older than the gabor sisters.
Well, maybe not zsa zsa.
Well, you're very spry.
That's because i've cut my fat intake to 90% of my diet.
That reminds me.
I'd better start dinner.
No, no, no.
I'll handle dinner.
I'm supposed to take care of you.
Hello, pizza barge ? Send over a large pepperoni.
Alf, we're on a budget.
Right.
Charge it to the tanners.
We've imposed on the tanners enough.
Again, you're right.
Charge it to donald trump.
Hello ?Hello ? Vegetables again ? That's not food.
That's the stuff food eats.
It's what i eat.
What about real food ? Like the stuff you hit with your car in texas ? I'd like you to try my spinach lasagna.
Meanwhile, make yourself useful and set the table.
No problem.
It's taken care of.
I'm here to make your life easier.
[ Crash .]
First, i'll sweep up that glass that spontaneously exploded.
Ow ! Why are there little hills in the hallway ? They're speed bumps, so you don't go too fast.
I tripped over one.
You must have been speeding.
What are you doing ? I'm making this house safe for the sightless.
Well, it was safe.
Now, it's an obstacle course.
We've really got to find a way to keep you occupied.
Well, i found one.
I'm putting curb feelers on your shoes.
I have never scraped my ankles against a curb.
Pure luck.
When you first moved in, You said you were only staying until i was settled.
I really think i'm settled.
No, no, no.
I'll tell you when you're settled.
Oh.
Of course, you would know best.
Listen, alf, Could you get my keys from the bedroom ? No problem, my little venetian blind.
[ Crash .]
ow, you stupid speed bump.
You're for her, not me.
Hello, willie.
It's jody.
Yes.
Yes ! That's the problem.
Exactly.
B Be Bee Beet.
Ha ! This braille stuff is easy.
Alf, i'm going down to the laundry room.
Okay.
Just follow the rope.
Ow !Kate, willie i hurt my finger.
What am i doing ? They're not here.
I'll have to kiss it myself.
It's not the same.
[ Door bell .]
Who is it ? [ Kate .]
it's us, alf.
Kate !And here i just kissed my own finger.
Come on in.
Hi, alf.
What brings you to this independent, carefree neck of the woods? We dropped by to see how things were going.
Come on in.
Get the full picture.
It looks great ! And very self-Explanatory.
What have you been doing ? Labeling vegetables.
I'd hate to be the guy Who had to pound out "war and peace" in braille.
Alf jody called us.
Why would she do that ? Jody wants to live her own life.
She thinks it's time for you to come home.
That doesn't sound like jody.
Maybe it was another blind person, who got a wrong number.
I don't think so.
Oh.
Well, if that's the way jody wants it.
I'm back, alf.
Don't take off your clothes.
We have company.
Alf ! Jody, it's us.
It's the tanners.
Enough of the yakety-Yak.
Kate and willie, can you give us a minute alone ? Sure.
Where should we yakety-Yak ? In the bedroom.
Just follow the signs.
And make yourself useful -- Label jody's socks.
Careful, honey, speed bump.
Jody, I've been thinking.
It's time for me to go back to the tanners.
Really ? You knew that this was only a temporary arrangement.
As soon as you were settled, i'd have to go.
Well, i'm settled.
Well, i guess i'm going.
Alf, before you go I want to thank you.
I couldn't have gotten through the past few weeks without you.
Hey, it was nothing.
Nothing ?Not everybody can label an egg.
It's easier when they're hard-Boiled.
It took a couple dozen to figure that out.
Before you go, I want you to have this.
Wow ! My very own braille book.
And you drew in the meatballs for me.
I want to show this to kate and willie.
Kate, willie Pizza ? [ Alf .]
where, where ? These speed bumps work great.
Kate, willie i hurt my knee.
Can you kiss it ? Lucky, i'm going to show you What it's like to be plunged into a world of darkness.
Alf ! Kate, just in time ! The cat almost got my tongue.
Give me this cat ! Bad, lucky, bad ! Now i know how wile e.
Coyote feels.
Closed-Captioned by by alien productions.
All rights reserved.
I wouldn't do that if i were you.
Why not ? Because i might lose.
I'm sorry.
Check.
[ Telephone rings .]
Get that.
I want to plan my next move.
Hello.
The who-Meister ? Sure.
Hang on.
It's for you.
It must be jody.
Hello.
Hey, what's happening ? I saw that, willie.
Your building's going where ? Condo ? Where's condo ? Oh ! Hey, no problem.
You can stay here until you find a new place.
Why would anybody mind ? We have a slogan here -- "Welcome" -- It's on the mat outside.
Willie sends his love.
Okay, bye bye.
Hang that up, will you ? The door mat says "wipe your feet.
" Jody's blind.
She'll never know.
** It's not that we don't want jody to stay, It's just that we have a rule that says -- No dating boys with vans.
That rule doesn't apply.
It's a good one, though.
You shouldn't have invited a guest without asking us.
Would you rather i dated a boy with a van ? Why can't jody stay for a few days ? We put up with your mother staying here.
That's true.
Willie ! She does that nasal thing at night.
Yeah, that heeeeeeee.
Heeeeeeeeeee.
Heeeeeeeeeee.
All right ! We get the picture.
Doesn't jody have any other friends to stay with ? From this planet ? No, she's very shy.
Just like me.
You ? Shy ? You should have seen outgoing melmacians.
It was a planet of game-Show hosts.
I'm sorry.
We'd like her to stay, But it's just too risky.
How would you feel if you were blind and homeless ? With no one to turn to ? I think alf has a point.
You're darn right.
What is it ? We can't turn our back on someone who needs us.
Well, all right.
She can use the guest room until she finds a place of her own.
Great ! Thanks, lynn.
I owe you one.
One ? Well, one today.
Perfect.
[ Crash .]
Almost perfect.
What was that crash ? A lamp fell off the furniture.
That leads to my next 2 questions.
A -- What was the lamp doing on a pile of furniture ? And b -- Why is the furniture in a pile ? Aren't you forgetting "c" ? What's for lunch ? Who piled up all the furniture ? Alf, why did you pile up all the furniture ? I stacked it, to get it out of jody's way.
She'll be safe if she stays out of the "falling lamp" zone.
Alf, let's rethink this.
Jody lived in an apartment.
Jody had furniture.
Jody walked around the furniture.
See jody.
See jody run.
Run, jody, run.
See the furniture.
See the alien move the furniture back.
Move, alien, move.
See the alien throw out his back.
See the alien blame the tanners.
Lawsuit, tanners, lawsuit.
I think she's here.
Okay, everyone, stay calm.
We are calm.
Then, show some enthusiasm.
Excuse me, i'm not sure i have the right house.
I'm looking for -- Jod-Meister ! This is the place.
It's okay.
Thanks.
Come on in.
I'm willie.
The patriarch of the tanner clan.
Sounds good to me.
This is my wife, kate.
And this is lynn and brian.
Nice to meet you.
You, too.
Run around.
You won't bump into anything.
Oh.
I hope you didn't rearrange the furniture.
It was no trouble.
It was fun.
It will be even more fun putting it back.
Oh, well then you can do it.
Thanks for letting me stay here.
I hate to impose, but i didn't know what else to do.
You're not imposing.
We're glad you're here.
And stay as long as you like.
Yeah, alf did.
Time's up.
What's your guess ? Uh, swiss.
Close, but no cigar.
It's monterey jack, swiss' country cousin.
Are you sure ? There are holes in this.
I used a hole punch.
That's cheating.
All's fair in love and "guess the cheese.
" Let's play "guess the belch".
[ Burp .]
Alf.
You don't guess who belched.
You guess what they ate.
Oh, alf.
Why are there little cheese dots in the living room ? Well, i've never heard that term before, But i think those are your children.
Did you do this to the hole punch ? That explains the little cheese dots.
Why was today's newspaper thrown into the trash ? I don't know.
Ask kate.
I am kate.
I was hoping you'd be confused and forget the question.
Alf, You said the paper didn't come today.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When we don't want our guests to leave.
Kate, willie I'm sorry.
Can someone please read me the classifieds ? Sure.
You can't read those.
They're classified.
Ha !Ha ! Here's a good one -- Give me that.
I'll find something.
This looks good.
What ? Rib roast is $1.
59 a pound.
Let me look.
Here's one.
Cozy 1-Bedroom, furnished, wall-To-Wall carpet, view Pass.
Why ? It says "one month's security.
" After that, you'd be in danger.
I think i'll call anyway.
What's the number ? If you keep acting like this, jody will move out.
Jody wants to move out.
This is all news to me.
Jody is a grown woman.
She needs her independence.
That's easy for you to say.
You know nothing of the plight of blind people.
And you do ? Yes ! The other day, i locked myself in the closet.
Being blind is very dusty, and smells like boots.
Jody's survived for years without us.
She can do it again.
I think she wants to do it again.
Fine.
Think what thou wilst.
Wilst ? Jody's my pal.
If she goes, i go.
What are you saying ? If she goes, i go.
Not a lot of verbal clutter there.
Now you're just being ridiculous.
Jody could never take care of you like we have.
Take care of me ? Are you implying that i'm some sort of house-Bound dilettante ? No, no, no well, yes.
For your information, i'll be taking care of her.
Jody needs me like a hole in the head.
Isn't that good on your planet ? Well, the apartment's available.
What a coincidence.
So am i.
Hey, lucky, i'll be gone for awhile.
Gee, i've never seen a cat smile before.
[ Kissing noises .]
This book doesn't have any words.
It's got zits ! It must be one of those connect-The-Dot books.
Hi, groceries.
I mean, hi, jody.
Hi, alf.
What are you doing ? I'm playing with one of your connect-The-Dot books.
I drew the spaghetti.
You could draw the meatballs.
Or the red wine.
This is a braille book.
These dots represent letters.
You rub your fingers over them to read the book.
Wouldn't that rub the fur off your fingers ? What ? Well, if you had furry fingers.
You say some of the strangest things.
It's no big deal.
It doesn't mean that i'm weird.
I'm just a regular, average being from your planet.
I know that.
But there is something i wanted to talk about.
Shoot.
Well, uh I really don't understand you.
You don't have a job.
You never leave the house.
I guess i'd better tell you the truth.
Please.
I'm old.
I'm real old.
Older than the gabor sisters.
Well, maybe not zsa zsa.
Well, you're very spry.
That's because i've cut my fat intake to 90% of my diet.
That reminds me.
I'd better start dinner.
No, no, no.
I'll handle dinner.
I'm supposed to take care of you.
Hello, pizza barge ? Send over a large pepperoni.
Alf, we're on a budget.
Right.
Charge it to the tanners.
We've imposed on the tanners enough.
Again, you're right.
Charge it to donald trump.
Hello ?Hello ? Vegetables again ? That's not food.
That's the stuff food eats.
It's what i eat.
What about real food ? Like the stuff you hit with your car in texas ? I'd like you to try my spinach lasagna.
Meanwhile, make yourself useful and set the table.
No problem.
It's taken care of.
I'm here to make your life easier.
[ Crash .]
First, i'll sweep up that glass that spontaneously exploded.
Ow ! Why are there little hills in the hallway ? They're speed bumps, so you don't go too fast.
I tripped over one.
You must have been speeding.
What are you doing ? I'm making this house safe for the sightless.
Well, it was safe.
Now, it's an obstacle course.
We've really got to find a way to keep you occupied.
Well, i found one.
I'm putting curb feelers on your shoes.
I have never scraped my ankles against a curb.
Pure luck.
When you first moved in, You said you were only staying until i was settled.
I really think i'm settled.
No, no, no.
I'll tell you when you're settled.
Oh.
Of course, you would know best.
Listen, alf, Could you get my keys from the bedroom ? No problem, my little venetian blind.
[ Crash .]
ow, you stupid speed bump.
You're for her, not me.
Hello, willie.
It's jody.
Yes.
Yes ! That's the problem.
Exactly.
B Be Bee Beet.
Ha ! This braille stuff is easy.
Alf, i'm going down to the laundry room.
Okay.
Just follow the rope.
Ow !Kate, willie i hurt my finger.
What am i doing ? They're not here.
I'll have to kiss it myself.
It's not the same.
[ Door bell .]
Who is it ? [ Kate .]
it's us, alf.
Kate !And here i just kissed my own finger.
Come on in.
Hi, alf.
What brings you to this independent, carefree neck of the woods? We dropped by to see how things were going.
Come on in.
Get the full picture.
It looks great ! And very self-Explanatory.
What have you been doing ? Labeling vegetables.
I'd hate to be the guy Who had to pound out "war and peace" in braille.
Alf jody called us.
Why would she do that ? Jody wants to live her own life.
She thinks it's time for you to come home.
That doesn't sound like jody.
Maybe it was another blind person, who got a wrong number.
I don't think so.
Oh.
Well, if that's the way jody wants it.
I'm back, alf.
Don't take off your clothes.
We have company.
Alf ! Jody, it's us.
It's the tanners.
Enough of the yakety-Yak.
Kate and willie, can you give us a minute alone ? Sure.
Where should we yakety-Yak ? In the bedroom.
Just follow the signs.
And make yourself useful -- Label jody's socks.
Careful, honey, speed bump.
Jody, I've been thinking.
It's time for me to go back to the tanners.
Really ? You knew that this was only a temporary arrangement.
As soon as you were settled, i'd have to go.
Well, i'm settled.
Well, i guess i'm going.
Alf, before you go I want to thank you.
I couldn't have gotten through the past few weeks without you.
Hey, it was nothing.
Nothing ?Not everybody can label an egg.
It's easier when they're hard-Boiled.
It took a couple dozen to figure that out.
Before you go, I want you to have this.
Wow ! My very own braille book.
And you drew in the meatballs for me.
I want to show this to kate and willie.
Kate, willie Pizza ? [ Alf .]
where, where ? These speed bumps work great.
Kate, willie i hurt my knee.
Can you kiss it ? Lucky, i'm going to show you What it's like to be plunged into a world of darkness.
Alf ! Kate, just in time ! The cat almost got my tongue.
Give me this cat ! Bad, lucky, bad ! Now i know how wile e.
Coyote feels.
Closed-Captioned by by alien productions.
All rights reserved.