American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e19 Episode Script

1
Cock-a-doodle doo,
Jake-a-roo.
A paper dragon
could make Jake
scream like
a little girl?
Ok, me.
But who else?
Grandpa: Gung hay
fat choy, everyone.
All: Gung hay fat choy!
Gung--who,
what, where?
Happy Chinese
new year.
I say it to
you every year,
but you
never listen.
But I bet you
listen to these.
Hah! Oh, yeah,
'cause money talks.
What's that
little red envelope
of cheddar?
Andrew Jackson's
inside,
and he brought
his twin brother.
Thank you,
grandpa!
I'm not greedy,
like some people.
'Cause money's
the root of all evil,
I was hoping for
a little more evil
than this.
I'm sorry it's not
as much as last year.
Business has been slow
since Chuck boomgarden
opened his new
electronics superstore
right next to my own.
Boomgarden!
It's all right,
dad.
The kids
understand
that the red
envelopes
are not about
the money.
Mother: They're an
ancient tradition
to wish you
happiness and luck.
G-pa's red envelopes
are always funtastic,
but, hey, don't forget
dear old dad's gift
to his Chinese clan, huh?
[Growling]
Ha ha ha!
What, dad's gift
is to wreck my room?
He signed you
all up to perform
in the Chinatown parade
this afternoon.
I told you this
last week!
The dragon dance
wards off
so it would be
a great honor
for you and--
[electronic music playing]
Nah,
I'm pretty sure
you didn't
mention it.
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast ♪
He's the chosen one ♪
People, we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burning dragon fire ♪
A real livewire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills
are getting faster ♪
With grandpa the master ♪
His destiny
walks up streets ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
It's my destiny ♪
I'm the magical
protector from the NYC ♪
You heard? ♪
Hey ♪
American dragon ♪
Yow ♪
I have to see
how these scales go.
I'm trying to,
but either I'm
too excited
about the parade,
or I drank way too much
juice this morning.
Dad: You know,
familia, I hate to
toot my own horn--
Dragon down!
But--honk honk!
I have outdone myself
on this little
dazzle of a dragon.
Yep. I put all
Of my Chinese know-how
into this one.
Dad does know he's
not Chinese, right?
Of course he does,
honey.
Dad: Jake-a-roo!
We've got
rehearsing to do.
Right after
breakfast, dad.
Prance around
Chinatown like a fool.
Hey, fu, how about
you and I spend the day
down at the park bagging
on dogs and sweaters?
Forget it, kid.
Fake quality time
ain't gonna get you
out of this one.
Even gramps thinks
it's a good idea
he wants you to
get in touch with
your Chinese heritage.
I always get sweet
and sour dipping sauce,
and watch me work
some magic
with these chopsticks.
Yah!
I'm not fetching that.
Point is,
I got Chinese culture
coming out of
my ears.
Good to hear,
young one.
Then surely
you know why
I'm closing
the shop today.
Pssh,
of course I do.
Uh
You know
Parading and making
fireworks--pshaw!
And
Things.
Parades and fireworks
are fun, but there are
other traditions more
important to me--like
visiting friends, burning
incense to honor ancestors,
and preparing a traditional
new year's meal.
Ok, so maybe
I'm not as up on
the Chinese stuff
as I could be,
but it's not like
I'll ever need it.
I'm the
American dragon.
Yes, you've grown up
in America, Jake,
but your roots
are in China.
If you forget
where you are from,
you will never know
where you are going.
Enjoy your
dragon dance!
What if I keep the shop
open for you today?
Think about it.
I can soak up
Chinese culture anytime.
But can you really
afford to give up
a whole day of business
to boomgarden?
Boomgarden!
You are more
transparent than
fu dog visiting
a sick friend
but perhaps having
you watch the shop
today
is a good idea.
I brought my
assistant managers.
You brought
2 friends
you bribed
with big chunk
freezy slurps.
[Slurping]
Gah!
Too cold!
Uh, but it
hurts so good!
You're sure you'll be
ok by yourselves?
Look, I even bought
snazzy new uniforms.
These
are nurse's
uniforms.
Hey, check out
the orthopedic clogs.
And with
today's rubber
sole technology,
they're
whisper quiet!
[Speaking Chinese]
Don't worry, gramps.
No clogs.
And if I have
any questions,
I'll give fu a shout.
My own Chinese
new year traditions.
Got a few of last year's
debts left to settle.
I just hope big Ernie
will take a salad spinner
for the 5 large
I'm into him for.
5 large!
Well, young dragon.
I should get my
new year's traditions
started as well.
Gung hay
fat choy!
Yeah, gramps.
Gung hay chow--yuk.
Huh? You just wished
me stir fried meat.
[Speaking Chinese]
The old man
has left
the building.
My favorite story,
"all my shorties."
Not today, trix.
Don't you get it?
This is my big chance!
If I do a good job
running the shop,
gramps will let
me do it again.
And by again,
I mean anytime
I've got stuff
I don't want to do.
Like that Chinese
parade today.
But Chinese stuff
is so cool!
You got the food,
the history,
not to mention
the many varieties
of exotic
martial arts.
I call mine spung fu.
Ai-i-yah!
Wee-yow!
Whoa! Orthopedic
clogs--
How could you
betray me?!
Aah!
[Crash]
Spud!
Careful, man!
You're making
a mess!
With all of gramps'
cluttered junk around here?
Dude's got a chair
with 3 1/2 legs,
a clock with 1 hand,
and a um with no brella.
Yo, trix!
That's it.
Enough to watch
the shop whenever
he needs it.
And more
importantly,
whenever I need it.
[Coughing]
Jake: There you go.
It's all yours.
Whoopedy-doo.
Junk even junk
would call junk.
Just dump it in
the Hudson like
everybody else.
But if we dump it,
you don't make any money.
What? I--
I should've
never quit school.
Do-do-do
do-do-do Dee do ♪
Ah--d--it--
Wha--whaa--
Hey, fu.
So what you think?
Made it real jazzy
up in here, huh?
There's nothing--
[stammering]
Grandpa's gonna
be speechless, too.
He might even give me
the keys to the place.
You can't clean on
Chinese new year!
Why not?
It's against
tradition!
You're not just
sweeping out
the trash,
you're sweeping out
all the good luck,
leaving only
bad luck--
Is the worst kind of
bad luck there is!
Oh, ho, ho!
You don't
really believe
those Chinese
superstitions, do you?
Kid, they're not
just superstitions,
they're 4,000 years
of culture!
Just because it's old
doesn't mean it's true.
A message from
big Ernie to fu dog.
"Thanks for
the salad spinner.
My arugula has never
been crisper."
Fu: Oh, no, there goes
the mousetrap
with the toaster--
Ooh, and the ceiling fan!
Not the old man's
priceless ming vase!
[Sighs]
Wow, of all
the luck.
[Gasp]
[Drum music continues]
Ok, uh,
one more time.
Haley doesn't
quite have it.
Ok, um,
sweetie bunches,
just try to imagine
what it's like
to be a dragon.
I'll try.
Honey,
don't you think
we've practiced
this enough?
As confucius said,
he that would
perfect his work
must first sharpen
his tools.
Besides, I'm just
trying to help
Haley-hoo dig deep
into her Chinese
soul like me.
Like you?
Ok, I think
we need to talk.
We can talk,
but, uh--
I just think our
little girl
could be a bit
more dragony.
All right,
that is it!
I am--
[muffled talking]
I think I got it!
Ok, turn it
off slow--
--ly.
Ooh, that
was close.
Nothing worse
than soggy kibble.
I don't know,
jakey.
I'm starting
to think
opened the door to
a whole mess of trouble.
What are you
talking about?
The old plumbing
in this place
has always
been messed up.
It's just
a coincidence.
Yeah, a vase that
lasted 600 years
a drain that gushes
like old faithful,
and that cricket
on the windowsill?
Coincidence?
Hah, I don't think so.
What? Now
you're buggin'
yeah, I thought a cricket
meant good luck.
Yes, a cricket
means good luck,
but one cricket!
All: Crickets!
They're in my hair!
They're in
my mouth!
Aah, they're up
my shorts!
[Yelling]
Dragon, up!
Trixie: Yeah,
that's right, jakey!
We gonna have ourselves
a cricket roast!
Ok maybe we
the place on
Chinese new year's.
And you would've
known that
if you'd
listened when
the old man
mentioned it
just tell me
how to fix this, fu!
If it was me?
I don't know,
I'd try to retrieve
all the stuff
you threw out.
Reverse the curse.
Ok! Then let's
get on it!
In case the old man
swings by.
Got you, jakey baby.
Spud and I got it
covered here.
You think
Trixie and spud
fu: Eh, I figure we've
seen the worst of it.
Trixie: Aah!
Magical earthquake! Aah!
Jake: Where's
the rest of it?
You kids
taught me
a valuable
lesson
in junkman
economics.
So I sold most
of your stuff
elsewhere
for cash money
profit.
But I gotta get
that stuff back.
Well, here's
my buyers.
Check with
them first.
Then try
the dumpster
on third.
Shouldn't be
too hard.
All this is
in Chinatown.
Good, 'cause we
only got a couple hours
before the old man
gets back.
I just hope Trixie
and potato boy
are keeping
the shop together.
[Screaming]
Excuse me!
But--actually
that radio
belongs to
my grandpa.
Can I--just--
[speaking Chinese]
Uh, fu?
You wanna
jump in here?
Mm, fine.
Of cute puppy dog
whimpering.
[Whimpers]
Will you look
at this?
Ah, bah, dah.
Spud: Well, after
the earthquake and the vortex,
rain seems actually
refreshing.
[Thunder]
Jake: "Dance
the Hong Kong hustle."
Man, I'm glad
I wasn't born
when gramps was
shaking his Booty.
What's that?
It's an offering.
Now that's
customer service.
An offering for
his ancestors!
You dishonor
my family!
Sorry. Run!
Hello,
brainstorm!
Familia,
get ready for
the ahh's
and applause
of a loud crowd.
When I hit
this button,
you will witness
50,000 btus of
propane powered
dragon breath.
Maybe we should dial
the 9 and the 1 now,
just to get
a head start.
This is
gonna make
my Chinese ancestors
so proud.
Honey,
there's really
no way to
put this gently.
You're not Chinese!
Ooh, whoopsy Daisy,
I beg to differ
there with you,
honey-hoo.
As you may recall,
uh, one of my many
endearing qualities
is that I am
and we all know that
the ancestors of
native Americans
arrived here via
the Bering strait
from where?
Asia!
And what's in Asia?
China!
Whoo!
Sorry for crackling
your corn, ma'am!
Just eat towards
the light!
Spud! Another slime
hole by your head!
Uh--I'm out
of plugs!
Oh, no, wait!
I got it!
Ahh.
It's working!
Jake's behind me with
the last of the junk.
You know, it looks
limey, but it's
actually more of
a curry flavor.
[Panting]
Grandpa: Jake?
Hey, gramps!
Wh--what's up?
What are you doing
with my magazines?
Yeah--wh--what
are you doing
with his
magazines?
I hope you're
not cleaning.
[Laughing]
Of course not!
Don't you know
that cleaning is
a mega no-no on
Chinese new year?
Someone has been
listening to
the traditions of
our culture.
Hey,
I'm all about
traditions
and culture.
And--whatnot.
Good,
then I won't
have to remind you
about the vault.
The vault?
I know about
the vault.
I could
teach classes
on the vault.
Now, you go do
your Chinese
new year thingies,
and don't
worry your
little gray head
about the vault.
Go as far as
10 bucks'll take him.
Aw, man!
Just keep
walking, grandpa!
Everything's cool!
You don't remember
him telling you
about the vault,
do you?
Of course I do.
That is
the vault of demons,
which we must
never open
on Chinese new year,
or--
[music playing]
I might've missed
a couple of details.
Oh, no! You
geniuses probably
threw the vault
out, too!
Aah!
Oh, phew.
You worried about
a rusty old box?
Doesn't hold your
run of the mill demons.
It holds demons
so gnarly
they couldn't
be destroyed,
only imprisoned.
We'll just leave
the thing alone.
You mind if I take
a break over here
on the--
No, don't!
Whoa!
Uh!
Gah!
Who's got his
luck back on?
Uh-huh.
Phew.
Phew.
Huh?
[Gasping]
[Roars]
[Screeches]
Whoa!
[Screeching]
Aw, man.
Why are we still
having bad luck?
Because not
everything's back.
The broken vase!
Uh-oh. I kind of
swept it up
and threw it in
the trash can out back.
Yes! It's still here.
I am so not loving
this Chinese bad luck.
Actually, I don't
think that's bad luck,
it's just trash day.
[Sighs]
Dragon, up!
I gotta get
those creatures
back in the box.
What about
trix and me?
It looks
like you two
have a truck
to catch.
Fu: Whoa, up, up,
and away, woo-hoo!
Did I ask to be
volunteered,
Mr. Johnny
helper scout?
[Music playing]
Oh!
Ah!
Hey!
[Screeches]
[Screaming]
[Grunts]
[Screeches]
[Thud]
Hey, buddy, you're
stopping the show.
Or should I say,
draggin' down the dragon.
[Growls]
[Screeching]
Hi-ya!
Who did that?
What's he wearing?
Look at that!
Uh!
[Cries]
[Grunting]
[Roars]
[Screeches]
[Screech]
Dad!
Yum!
That sure is
a fancy dragon
costume right there.
Darn tootin'!
Ha ha! Aren't
you guys glad
we worked hard
on our dragon?
That one looked
so fakey-mcfakerson.
Was that--
Jake?
Man,
you dudes aren't
bag-head ugly,
you're box-head
ugly. Aah!
Uh!
[Faint scream]
[Screeching]
Aah!
Crowd: Woo!
Special effects!
[Screech]
Whoa!
[Moaning]
I think being
stuck in a box
made them a
little cranky.
Come on, all you
have to do
is get them
back in the box.
One at a time!
Just pitch me
one right here,
I'll catch it.
Hi-yah!
[Screech]
[Growls]
Fu: That's it,
buddy!
Bring the heat!
Bring it!
Pull up!
Pull up!
Aah--yah!
Ohh.
Stee--rike!
Dude, how did they do
the talking dog?
[Panting]
Uh.
There it is!
Stop!
Stop!
[Panting]
We can't
catch him.
No, but
ortho-cloggy can.
Yi-yi-yi-yah!
Lightweight,
yet sturdy.
Hah, I knew they'd
come in handy.
Or footy.
Aah!
The costumes
aren't that bad,
but I can totally
see the wires.
Honey, I don't know
how your brother
but I think he
needs your help.
Finally!
Being a fake dragon
is so less fun
than the real thing.
See, Haley, now that
is a convincing dragon.
You got--
Where'd she go?
Uh, potty break.
Haley!
Who's side
are you on?
You're free,
aren't you?
We gotta get ugly
and uglier
into that box
that fu's holding.
Haley, remember
that noodle fight
we had last
Chinese new year's?
Maybe snarly brown
over there
would like one of
your noodle wigs.
[Screeching]
Happy noodle year,
creep!
Oh!
Going back,
back, back--
Fu: Uh! He makes
the catch!
[Cheering]
Uh!
[Grunts]
[Screeching]
[Grunting]
Uh--come on!
Get in there!
Crowd:
[Chanting "dragons!"]
Ok! Because you all
demanded it,
uh, grand finale
time!
Uh!
Huh?
[Screeches]
Jake: Whoa!
Got 'em all, kid.
Ah, good thing, too,
'cause there
ain't that much
fluff left in
my cushion.
Haley, where
have you been?!
You could've
picked up a few
I heard the crowd cheering
from the bathroom.
You must've been
one awesome dragon,
huh, dad?
Oh, well, I--
You know,
I'm just trying
to do justice
to my heritage.
Spud: Carefully--
Got these monkeys
back in the cage.
And we got
this baby
back together
in one piece.
More like 477 pieces.
Nice try, though.
Ah--where's 478?
[Gasp]
Ooh!
[Gasp]
Looking
for this?
I found it outside.
Any problems
minding the shop?
Nah! Easy-peasy,
lemon squeezy.
Yeah--yeah, nothing
going on here.
Snoozefest.
[Sighs]
Actually,
gramps,
we did
have problems.
Big problems.
Hmm. By problems,
do you perhaps mean
accidentally
sweeping
trash out
of the shop,
resulting in
catastrophic
bad luck
until everything
was returned?
Hold up.
You knew what
was happening
this whole time,
and you didn't help?
Some lessons are
more fun to watch
so I dug
through trash--
And I licked slime--
And I had my
crippling fear
just so Jake could learn
a lesson about his culture?
I only said it
was fun for grandpa.
But come, now.
It is time for
the best part of
the new year celebration.
Sorry for
not listening
to you, gramps.
I understand.
I must admit,
there are times
when I don't listen
as well, either.
You should've
seen it, g!
It was kind of
a backflip into
a 180 Ollie
with a--
[music playing]
On Chinese new year
you're supposed to put out
leach nuts to help
the family get along?
I don't know what
leach nuts are,
but I think we should
definitely
oh, and did you know washing
your hair is bad luck, too
[Music playing]