Big Nate (2022) s02e19 Episode Script

- They say the perfect quiche
doesn't exist,
yet here you are, you--
- Dad!
- Ahh!
- We have a situation.
[Spitsy yelps]
- Why does it always land
face down?
- Focus, Martin. Focus.
EEW Corp Land has
a brand new ride,
the Vertical Integrator.
Whoo-hoo!
- It's a hair-raising trip
through EEW Corp's history,
with insane
upside-down action,
union busting,
and toxic waste dumping.
Guys, it's so awesome!
- Sounds fun,
but one corn dog there
costs more than
I've ever made in an hour.
- Oh, Dad, come on.
- You don't need money
to have fun, Nate.
We could go
to the public library.
Books are like a roller coaster
for your mind.
- [groans]
- That's the spirit.
Now help me scrape the dog hair
off this quiche, and let's eat.
No!
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- Pay attention
to this video, children.
- Hello, tweens.
Like you, I too was once
a human boy or girl.
I loved playing sport games
and enjoying beverages
such as juice or sports drink.
- Something weird
about this guy.
- I think he's just rich.
- EEW Corp is sponsoring
a contest, Minds Over Matters,
to find the brightest
untapped minds in Rackleff,
not only from the good schools,
but P.S. 38 as well.
- Oh, let me guess.
The prize is some
dorky ice cream party.
No thanks, corporate stooge.
- The winning school will
receive a sizable donation
from EEW Corp and a trip
for the entire school
to EEW Corp Land.
- [gasps]
[kids clamoring]
This is the greatest
moment of my life!
- Wow, that could
really help the school.
Maybe we could even afford
filtered water again.
- Aah!
- Looks like Nate Wright is
going to EEW Corp Land.
- There's no doubt in my mind
that our students
are going to win the
Mind Over Matters competition.
all: What?
- But students can't go
on that big trip
to EEW Corp Land without
a chaperone, right?
[all chuckling]
- So I'll be selecting
one chaperone.
I encourage you to do whatever
it takes to convince me
how desperately you want
the job.
- Wesley, are you
suggesting bribery?
- Winning this contest
will be easy.
All we gotta do is come up
with an amazing,
world-changing,
contest-winning invention.
- Did somebody say
amazing and world-changing?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sorry, Gina.
We've already got a blond geek
with dubious social skills.
- Actually,
I'm more of a dirty blond.
- Look, Gina, I'm sorry.
It's not you; it's us.
But the opposite of that,
'cause it's definitely you.
- I swear on the grave
of Marie Curie
I will destroy your little team
with my own
brilliant invention.
Which of you losers want
to make an invention with me?
[kids screaming]
- Well, well, well.
Oh!
Fancy running into you here.
- We go to school here, bozo.
- Just wanted to let
you clowns know that
Jefferson Middle has
this contest in the bag.
- [laughs] I think we'll be
all right, Nolan.
We both know Francis is smarter
than every kid at Jefferson.
- [scoffs] Oh, but I figured
out Francis's Achilles heel,
or should I say
ex-chilles heel?
[chuckles]
- Hi, Francis.
- Sabina?
- I haven't seen you
in a while.
How have you been?
- [squawks]
- Condora and Sabina?
And Condora and Sabina?
And Condora and Sabina?
And Condora and Sabina?
And Condora?
[puffs on inhaler]
I gotta go!
[clattering]
[grunting]
[loud crash]
[Francis screams]
- Guess Francis can't handle
being around his exes.
- Um, why am I the last
one to know that
one of Francis' exes is
a bird?
- Bird, human--who cares?
She should be
a huge distraction
that will take Francis's
head out of the game.
- Oh, so you're admitting
that Francis is
too smart to beat
in a fair fight?
- If I cared about fairness,
I wouldn't have gotten
Sabina and Condora
internships at EEW Corp.
- EEW Corp is wonderful.
They pay us in snacks
and in free shipping.
- Francis doesn't
stand a chance.
- [squawks]
- And neither does P.S. 38!
[upbeat pop music]
- And I'd be like ♪
- All right, educators.
Wow me.
- Okay, whatever you say ♪
Okay okay ♪
Okay okay ♪
Okay, whatever you say ♪
- Oh.
- [screeches]
♪
- Hmm.
[gasps]
[horse whinnies]
- I am see-through
when I'm with you ♪
- [grunting]
- I don't know.
I just don't see
what the big deal is.
They both seem really nice.
I mean, one is clearly a bird
that you dated, but, um--
- That's the thing.
I never technically broke up
with either of them.
- Wait, you ghosted them both?
Cold, brah.
- It's complicated and awkward.
And I've hurt them
with my recklessness
and raw animal charisma.
They're living things
with real emotions, not robots.
[echoed] Robots.
- Hmm.
- Robots.
Robots.
- [gasps]
You're a genius, Francis.
That's our invention,
a lifelike robot
with real emotions
that can help you
with your relationship issues
and me with my "I want to go
to EEW Corp Land" issues.
Come on, guys.
Let's start inventing.
- Yay!
- Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]
[upbeat electronic music]
[beeping]
- Guys, we don't have time
for a weird science robot
creation montage.
Let's just get it done.
♪
[beeping]
- I present to you all
the most advanced,
fully functioning relationship
robot ever created,
Robo-Rita.
- So cool.
- Hello, Francis, my dear.
Would you and your friends
like a snow cone?
all: Yeah!
[cheering]
- Oh, my God.
- Wow.
- Yellow, my favorite.
- Francis, I'm a genius!
- [groans]
[cheerful music]
- Soufflé?
- Wow, if this trash-bot
can master French pastry,
what can't she do?
- Something smells great
in here.
Either I'm having a stroke
or there's a soufflé on.
[gasps]
[romantic music]
Hey, there.
Nate, who's your friend?
And is she single?
- Gross, Dad.
She's made out of garbage,
and only has eyes for Francis.
- Had to take my shot.
Well, time to go read a book.
[chuckles]
I'm kidding, obviously.
- Looks like Robo-Rita's
already got fans.
Gotta be happy
about that, right?
- Robo-Rita's perhaps
my greatest invention,
but I still feel awful
about Sabina and Condora.
- Francis, I've prepared
a picnic to clear your mind.
Shall we go?
♪
- [giggles]
I really hope
that was chocolate.
[fanfare playing]
- [clears throat]
Hello.
Hello, my loyal subjects--
uh, colleagues.
You're too kind.
- Have kitten.
My cat make extras
with angry neighbor cat.
- Why, thank you.
Put it with the others,
Mrs. Shipulski.
[cats meowing]
- Would you like
to hear specials?
- I will tell specials.
- [vocalizing]
- [grunting]
[yelping]
- I love a good
lunch lady fight
as much as any
red-blooded American,
but this is getting
out of hand.
- Hi-yah!
[grunting]
- You're telling me.
Look at Galvin.
He's on the floor,
licking sauce.
We need to put an end
to Principal Nichols'
reign of terror.
- 115092164201989.
- Wow, the first
1,000 decimal places of pi.
You speak my love language.
- Say ahh.
- Ahh.
Ahh. Ahh.
Mmm.
- Have I performed
my primary function
of mending your lovelorn heart,
Francis?
- You've done more than that.
You've given me
the confidence to have
that tough conversation
with Sabina and Condora.
Boop.
[crash]
Oof.
- Boop.
[triumphant music]
- Hmm?
- [whimpers]
- You are so strong, Francis.
And I'm right behind you.
- [squawks]
- Hi, Francis.
- I got this.
[sighs]
- What a pleasant surprise.
I can't wait to hear about
how your invention is going.
- Yeah, it's--uh, uh--
it's a--uh--
uh--
- [screams]
- You okay, brah?
- Don't look at my face!
- Is Francis okay?
- Uh, yeah. You know,
he's, um--
well, he's a genius.
Geniuses can be eccentric.
- Yeah, we can.
- Or maybe he just caught
a glimpse of his invention
and had to go throw up.
I know I want to.
- I do not take that
personally,
as I know that hurt people
hurt people.
Nolan, may I offer you the hugs
your father denies you?
- Ew. Stop psychoanalyzing me,
trash-bot.
Nate, your trash-bot doesn't
stand a chance.
How's it feel to be a loser
before the game even starts?
- Our invention is really cool.
It's a consumer-grade
water desalinating machine
that would provide
clean drinking water
to the whole world.
- Huh, I never
pictured you as a guy
who wanted to save the world.
- Oh, you simple
middle-class peasant.
I care about making
a lot of money
off rubes who care
about saving the world.
Good luck
with your garbage gal,
your dumpster dame,
your waste woman--
- Don't worry.
We got this.
[whirring]
Let's save the hugs
till after.
[school bell rings]
- Oh, that food-based fracas
was insanity.
I don't even want
to mention where
I just found tuna casserole--
my undercarriage.
- Anyone else find it
strange we're stuck
under Nichols' thumb
even though there's
more of us than him?
- You are talking
about making union.
- A union?
I didn't go overseas
and fight side by side
with a bunch of
like-minded individuals
towards a common goal
we couldn't have
achieved without cooperation
to be in some union.
- You just describe
what union is.
- Stuff a sock in it,
Sloppy Joe.
- Point is, if we tell
Nichols we all want
to chaperone
the EEW Corp World trip,
there's nothing
he can do about it.
We do it together.
- Like union.
- You're on my last nerve,
lunch lady!
- Even the saltiest seawater
comes out drinkable
after just 12 seconds.
[cheering]
- Holy guacamole.
Their inventions
look really good.
- Hey, don't worry.
These corporate keynotes
are all about showmanship
and emotions.
- And a whole lot of pyro.
- Pyro?
[chuckles menacingly]
[dramatic music]
[cat meows]
[cheers and applause]
- At NateCo, we believe
the future is the future.
- We are passionate
about creating
a satisfying
user-to-product interface
fully integrated
like never before--
vertically, metaphorically,
vegetarian-ly.
- Feed the beast.
Say it with me.
Feed the beast!
Crowd: Feed the beast!
- In business,
you're either the cure
or the zombie pathogen
eating your face off.
- So what do you say?
Are we ready to meet
the friend of the future?
[fireworks booming]
♪
- Hello.
[cheers and applause]
- I have seen enough.
Robot-Renee is the future.
P.S. 38 is going
to EEW Corp Land.
- I, uh--
this is unexpected.
[chuckles]
I guess I have to pick one
of you to chaperone now.
[cheering]
- Well done, human tweens.
- Ah, come on.
It was nothing.
Wait, who am I kidding?
We nailed that.
- We will take your
robot with us now.
- What?
- We simply plan
to cut her open
and study her
so she may be mass produced.
Robotic-Regina will soon be
in every home or battlefield.
We are still spitballing.
- Wait, where are
you taking me?
Francis.
[dramatic music]
- Robo-Rita!
[sobbing]
- She was the perfect woman.
Now I'll never see her again.
- True.
But we're going
to EEW Corp Land.
Up top, Fran Fran--oof.
- What if we made
a new Robo-Rita?
The right way this time,
with a weird science
robot creation montage
and everything.
- Yeah, and a lot less trash
and medical waste.
- There will never be
another Robo-Rita.
She was my person.
- Fine, I guess we can
steal Robo-Rita back.
It's either that, or we
put a wig on an air fryer
and hope for the best.
- [sobbing]
[romantic music]
♪
- I think you should
meet my parents.
- Wesley!
- [shrieks]
- We're here to talk about
our little chaperone situation.
So get your face out
of your food, Wesley.
- Oh, this?
Just a mid-morning
shawarma snack.
Want some?
- Um
I'm not crazy about eating
so close to your toilet.
- Oh, it's more than
a toilet, Mrs. Godfrey.
This is a high-tech bidet
I just ordered from Japan.
- [speaking Japanese]
- Wesley, we've decided
we all deserve
the trip to EEW Corp Land.
- Yeah, come on.
I never thought we were
actually going to win.
- [gasps]
- Whoops.
[menacing music]
- Howdy there, amigo.
Just dropping off
these supplies
for Thirsty Thursday
in the lab,
where they're building
that Robo-Rita.
- 'Scuse us, hyper-powerful
X-ray machine
randomly coming through.
- Hey, no worries, snow flurry.
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Almostthere.
All set.
- What about Chad?
- Hey, guys.
[elevator dings]
- Well, now I got
to get to janiting.
Good luck with that
corporate espionage.
[chuckles]
- You guys, doesn't this
seem kind of impossible?
- [gasps] Robo-Rita!
[all gasp]
- Robot dream girl ♪
Made of medical waste
and broken spare parts ♪
- I knew you would come for me.
- Francis?
What's going on here?
- [squawks]
- Security,
we have a situation.
- [squawking]
- Destruction loading complete.
Press any "butt-on"
for convenient escape.
[coughing]
- Freeze, y'all.
- Zeff, what are you doing?
You're supposed
to be on our side.
- Hey, what can I say,
little lady?
A gig's a gig.
- We gotta split up.
- Quick, in here.
[tense music]
♪
[buttons dinging]
- Francis, what are you doing?
You're going to make a--
[screaming]
- Oh. Hmm.
What's going on?
Is this another
hostage situation?
I really don't want to fill out
that paperwork again.
- [in English accent] It's
the end of the line, guv'nah.
Feast your peaky blinders
on this, would you?
- [gasps]
- Can someone turn
on the lights?
Suboptimal lighting
makes me sad.
- Oh, it stings.
- Ow.
- I can't see a thing.
- It's like the sun.
[clears throat]
We, the teachers of P.S. 38,
demand the following
for your bad behavior:
better parking spaces,
bagel Fridays,
on-site pet sitting.
- Sloppy wet foot massages.
- Okay, okay.
I get it.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
It was just nice to feel
like a big shot
who had everyone's respect
for once.
- Well, that ain't
happening again
because we got strength
in numbers.
- We are union.
- No, we're just a group
of co-workers joining forces
to improve our work lives
through strength in numbers.
- That is union.
- I'm done splitting hairs
with you, ladle jockey!
[suspenseful music]
- Close one.
I wonder where
everyone else is?
- Francis and Dee Dee
are together.
But I hope Chad's
okay on his own.
- Oh, baby hamsters
with human hands.
[gasping]
[crash]
- [sighs]
[both gasping]
[dramatic music]
[ding]
- Basement floor.
- [groans] Robo-Rita?
Where's Dee Dee?
- Francis, over here!
- Huh?
- Whoa.
Who knew all this
was down here?
- [squawks]
- Security, subject
Cowardly Ghost spotted.
Converge on location.
Warning, flight risk.
Subject is known to flee
at the slightest provocation,
no matter whose
feelings get hurt.
- Enough!
I can't keep running
just to avoid having
an awkward conversation.
Sabina, it wasn't clear
how we left things.
And then time passed,
and it got too awkward
to bring up again.
I'm sorry.
- I felt a little awkward, too.
I worried I had done
something wrong.
- No, you're great.
You're brilliant and creative.
And Condora, you're--
a bird.
- [squawks]
- I shouldn't have
ghosted you two.
But I've met someone,
and it feels real.
Could you just look
the other way and let us go?
- Security, false alarm.
Subject has escaped and also
demonstrated emotional growth.
Call off the search.
- No, Francis.
Our love can never properly
flourish in a world
where machines are
forced to serve humans.
- What?
- Fear not.
My memories have been
uploaded to the cloud.
And I will return someday.
If you somehow survive
the robot apocalypse,
you will be well
positioned for a job
as executive meat servant.
Boop.
- What are you doing?
No!
I can't wait that long!
I want to be your
meat servant now!
[sobbing]
- This is the only way.
- [sobbing]
[dramatic music]
♪
You doing anything later?
- Francis! Come on, man!
♪
- Ah, I have been found.
Time to show you
the true face of EEW Corp.
♪
both: Huh?
- [grunting]
- Hello, tweens.
- Come on.
- Oh, man.
- Really?
Hey, look, I'm sorry
to barge in,
but we made a mistake that
really bummed out our friends.
So we just want to get
our trash robot back.
- You probably don't
want to give it up
because the robot
is awesome, but--
- [robotic laughing]
I am laughing with sarcasm.
Your robot was not awesome.
It wasn't even the best
invention from P.S. 38.
- Hey, StreamTube.
We are moments away
from the beta test
of a renewable energy source
that will end global poverty.
Be sure to like and subscribe
for more.
[easy listening music]
- Gina's invention
is revolutionary.
It could provide humanity with
cleaner, greener war zones.
- Okay.
Well, silver lining,
we at least beat Nolan.
- [laughing] No.
Nolan's water purifier
is brilliant.
It could save so many lives.
We have bought it
and destroyed it.
- Wait. If it'll save lives,
why would you destroy it?
- For fun.
Plus, it would cut
into EEW Corp's
20 billion-per-year
bottled water empire.
Now that's refreshing.
I can't wait
to pee that out later.
[laughs]
- Well, you're not
getting away with this.
Me and Nate both have
pretty sizable
online fandom following, so--
- No, you don't.
But I am bored of this.
And you are very annoying.
I will give you anything to
get out of my office right now.
- Anything?
[whispering]
Negotiate hard, okay?
He seems like an idiot.
Okay.
Free passes to EEW Corp Land.
- For life.
- Is that all?
[whispering]
- We're good with this.
Okay.
[clears throat]
- Yes.
- We have a deal.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Ha! Sucker.
Told ya Nate Wright was
going to EEW Corp Land.
[exciting music]
♪
- Hey-o.
That'll be
63 "Ameri-can" dollars.
- 63 bucks?
That's more than the tuxedo
I got married in.
- [laughs]
Guess parking wasn't included
in your genius negotiation,
huh?
- Whoa, whoa. Dad, wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
Why are we turning around?
No, we have to ride the--
- [robotic laughter]
- Dad!
- [robotic laughter]
- Hajimemashite.
- Well, hajimemashite
to you too.
[chuckles]
Mind if I sit down?
[zipper swishes]
Ooh, invigorating.
- Robot dream girl ♪
Made of medical waste
and broken spare parts ♪
But don't call her trashy ♪
'Cause she'll tear
your face off ♪
Robot dream girl ♪
You will always be
my 10011001101 ♪