Bizaardvark (2016) s02e19 Episode Script

1 - Yo! - Get ready, fools.
'Cause you're about to hear the greatest rap song of all time! That's right, you ain't never heard rhymes like this before.
Yo! Ready, Paige? Readier than ever, Frankie.
Let's go! - (PHONE BEEPING) - Oh, I'm getting an alert on my phone.
My aunt just posted pictures of food.
Pancakes, bacon, eggs.
- Pretty standard breakfast.
- Yeah! She didn't need to post that.
Now back to the rapping.
Listen up, y'all, 'cause we 'bout to make history with this song.
Show them how it's done, Frankie.
Yo! Hey, yo! Hey, yo! Hey Yo, my shoe's untied.
Can't stop the greatest rap song of all time with shoes that don't have as snug a fit as you need.
Great fix.
Ready? Yeah! Let's do this thing.
All right, suckas! I got one question for y'all: How's the air quality? What? Does it feel a little bit humid to you? No.
All right.
Good, great.
Uh, then no more distractions.
Phones are off.
Shoes are tied.
Air quality is - pretty good.
- FRANKIE: Yeah! Now, let's get everybody on your feet.
Let's get that energy back up.
The beat's about to drop! It's about to drop! - It's about to drop! - Here it comes! The greatest rap song of all time! FRANKIE: Ugh! Nevermind.
BOTH: You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
Can you believe my mom says I have wild emotional shifts? It makes me really sad.
Ooh! Volleyball tryouts.
I love volleyball.
Ooh! That sounds like so much fun.
(GASPS) We should all tryout together.
- Pass.
- Why? No, that's literally the only thing I know about spots.
Is "pass" not a volleyball term? Not really.
Shoot.
Is that something? Ahh, sports are dumb.
Oh, man.
Being on a volleyball team sounds amazing! I would finally feel like I'm apart of something at this school.
Well, it's gonna be tough to make the team.
They're probably gonna be a lot of girls trying out.
But with hard work, I know we can do it because - hard work is the - Nevermind, I'm out.
What do you mean? "Hard work" just sounds like a lot of work.
You can't just quit something because it seems hard.
And that's the magical sound of Paige getting involved.
Stay strong.
It's gonna be a mess.
Amelia, you do this.
You quit things when they get too hard.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
- (PHONE CHIRP) - Ugh! I forgot my password again! Uh, if you give up whenever something seems hard, you'll never live up to your full potential.
(GRUNTS) These are broken.
Amelia Duckworth, do you want to make this volleyball team? Yes, I do.
I really do.
Then I am going to personally train you and I give you the Paige Olvera guarantee that you will make the team.
Because with hard work, you can accomplish anything! Free pretzels! Sorry, Horse Face Guy.
I couldn't find your horse face in the Lost and Found.
But honestly, I can't even tell the difference.
"The Blade Factor" Bernie wrote a graphic novel? Oh, man, this is gonna be bad.
BERNIE: Chapter One (BERNIE NARRATES) BERNIE: "Find him in 24 hours or there will be galactic war.
" Wow, this is kind of good.
Mitch Blade found himself surrounded by an army of octopus-tiger monsters.
It was time to bust out his signature weapon The Cosmic Blade.
Do I have goosebumps? I have goosebumps.
BERNIE: Zortan, King of the Volcano Planet (BERNIE NARRATES) What is it? What's the option? There's no ending! Bernie, what happens at the end? Well, Grandma says if you live a good life, you get wings and meet the beautiful mermaid in the sky.
What? No, I'm talking about "The Blade Factor: An Alien Crime Odyssey".
You read it? I thought I lost it, but when I checked the Lost and Found, all I found was this horse face mask.
(BAG RUSTLES) Dah! I could have seen his face! Look, I need to know what happens at the end of your book, Bernie.
Does Mitch save the President of Earth? I don't know.
I never wrote the ending.
I decided to become a master juggler instead.
Oh.
Wanna see me do it with the apples on fire? No! Look, Bernie, you're a talented writer and an amazing artist.
This book is so good, it deserves an ending.
Wow, Frankie.
You've never complimented me before.
Thank you.
But I'm a juggler now.
Look, I'm dying to know how this story ends.
So here's a compromise: How is this a compromise? I didn't punch you.
Now finish.
Pfft, good luck 'cause there is nothing that you can do to make me stay in here.
(LOCK CLICKS) I was not anticipating a lock.
All right, Amelia, you've got this.
With hard work, you can accomplish anything.
Are you ready to train? Readier than a catfish at a cotillion! Don't know what that means, but let's play some volleyball! MAN: Paige is training Amelia And it's gonna take some time She's bumping the ball and she's slapping the ball And I hope those are the right terms Now she's trying to open pretzels 'Cause they're a metaphor for volleyball If she can open up that baggie Then I guess she's good at volleyball Now we see a little progress, and she Oh, no, she missed the ball I guess I'll wait for her to chase it down Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh duh-duh Okay, she's got the ball Now it seems she's getting better 'Cause she's looking a little more confident It's hard to tell 'cause I don't know volleyball I'm not really a sports guy But she's closer with the pretzels And she's quitting less and less Remember that's her problem from Paige's point of view - (MUSIC PAUSES) - (PHONE RINGS) Hey, Mom.
No, I can't talk right now.
I'm narrating a girl's life.
Yeah, it's mostly done.
I'll call you back.
Okay, let's get to the end 'Cause this song's really long And Amelia's still there so I guess she's good (BOTH GASP) Yep, they're jumping.
She definitely got good.
Man, I could go for some pretzels.
Yes! (SING-SONGY) I made the team! (SING-SONGY) I am so awesome! Sorry.
Uh, I need to be more aware of my surroundings.
Oh, no.
Amelia's not on here.
Paige! (PANTING) Did we make it? Did we make it? Where's the list? Uh Coach isn't posting one this year.
'Cause, you know, trying to save the trees.
Climate change is real.
But he told me to tell you that you made the team.
We both did! (BOTH SQUEALING) Oh, my gosh! We did it! Thank you for showing me how much potential I have.
Now I feel like I can do anything! MAN: What's Paige gonna do? She lied to Amelia Now she's gotta fix it or Amelia will think That hard work can't accomplish uh anything Sorry, can I do that again? No? Okay.
What's up, guys? Today we are doing the Fort Challenge.
Frankie and I are gonna go against Paige and Bernie to see who can build the best fort out of all this stuff.
Then we'll get in and the other team will test how strong it is.
You sure you don't want to test how strong this is? ALL GIRLS: Yes.
This is our humble abode.
Out here we have a nice little seating area.
There's enough pillows for you to take a little nap.
- So, you think it's this huge mansion - Yeah, uh-huh.
but actually, you lift up - the pizza box doors - Mm-hmm.
- Um - There's a nice little room in which you can lay Ow! - Lay down.
- (LAUGHS) All right, so they built a fort.
They think it's stable.
Let's put that to the test.
First stop Let's go.
(SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (BOTH SHOUTING) (BOTH CHEERING) Ahh! We are now going to do the same test to them.
Here are (BOTH SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (CHEERING) All right, guys, so in conclusion, - we won.
- We all won.
- We won, but they - We all won.
- We won, but they - We all won.
Let's come over.
Come on, sleep over! - We did it! - This is nice! - New home! - This is nice.
Coach Carlson, you have to let Amelia on the team.
She worked hard, and if you crush this dream, she'll never try hard at anything again.
Don't you want to help change a girl's life forever? Nah.
That's it? I said so many words and you just said one.
Yeah.
Coach.
Look, your friend's not bad, she's just not as good as the other girls.
Oh.
I'm one of the other girls.
Besides, I got my own problems.
Head of the P.
T.
A.
wants to get me fired.
She says I don't value my job and every time I talk to her, I say something stupid.
Like, "Go ahead, fire me then.
I don't care.
" Yeah, all those words are wrong.
Hey, how about this? Now, if you put Amelia on the team, I'll make a video starring you to convince the head of the P.
T.
A.
you're a good guy.
Yeah, that could trick her.
All right, you got a deal.
Yay! Hey, tell me if you think this is a good way to start the video.
Okay.
(SHOUTING) Hey, dumb dummy from the P.
T.
A.
I'll write the script.
Bernie, you call this an ending? Zortan and Mitch Blade hanging out at the beach? Flip the page.
They win a sand castle contest.
They're sworn enemies in the middle of a galactic war! And on this page, you just doodled "Mister Bernie Blade" 50 times times.
Well if I married Wait, no, he's not real.
Bernie, I don't care.
I need an ending.
Why does this mean so much to you? You remember when your Puppy Princess show was canceled before the finale? Worst day of my life.
We never found out what happened to Lady Barkington.
You see? That's how I feel.
Mitch Blade is my Lady Barkington.
Frankie, that's crazy! Mitch Blade is a fictional character.
Lady Barkington is inspired by a real dog princess! All right, this is going nowhere.
I'm gonna chain you to that chair until you come up with an ending.
Frankie, please, no! Look, I'll keep working.
I just really want to give you an ending 'cause we're good friends.
Thank you.
Ha, ha! Never trust a juggler! I'll get you, Schotz! Listen up, P.
T.
A.
I got a lot of things to say to you, and you're gonna hear all of them.
(SHOUTING): My volley (DIALOGUE CUTS OUT) PAIGE (DEEP VOICE): Hello, I am Coach Carlson.
And I love my job.
So much so that I stomp around in joy.
Thank you, P.
T.
A.
I will now yell warm feelings at this student.
Get out of my shot! I'm trying to save my job! Well, you obviously don't know how to do sound right, but the video worked.
They let me keep my job.
And your friend Frankie's on the team now.
Uh, it's it's Amelia.
Ah! I gotta do some paperwork.
(PHONE CHIRPS) (MURMURING) Hey, what's going on? Hey, everybody.
Amelia Duckworth, superstar volleyball player here.
And since I'm on the Sierra High team, that makes us the greatest team in the world.
Oh, no.
I am challenging state volleyball champions Eggermont Academy to play us.
Hey Eggermont, we're gonna rip you apart! Ah, no one's gonna get the pretzel thing.
Good news! Eggermont accepted my challenge! But Uh, Amelia, Eggermont is the best team in the state and not even in our division.
Why would you do that? It's all because of you.
You taught me that with hard work, I can accomplish anything.
So I know if we practice really hard, we're gonna win! (SQUEALS) Oh no.
I wonder if Coach Carlson knows about this yet.
(SCREAMING) So you saw Amelia's video? What video? Amelia challenged Eggermont and guaranteed we'd win.
At what? Volleyball.
Oh, that's bad.
It's really bad.
Amelia's gonna embarrass herself, and the team.
She's never gonna wanna try anything again.
Ugh! It's all my fault.
Yeah.
(SCREAMING) Hey, guys, I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.
- BOTH: And we're Bizaardvark.
Today, we are going to be playing All right, so we are going to take turns reading each other sentences and then we're gonna try and give the worst reaction we can.
- All right.
- I'm gonna go first, you ready? You failed your math test.
Yes! I love failing math tests! My favorite! I'm so happy! You are actually my sister.
(SHRIEKING): No! You'll never learn French.
(LAUGHS) I saw your dad fight a leprechaun.
You are everything I aspire to be.
Pfft.
That's weird, gosh.
I found a million dollars and you can have it if you want.
No! I cry myself to sleep.
Hey, me too! Cry together at night sisters! Oh! (CRYING) I am actually part rabbit.
Ahh! They're so menacing! Ahh! (BOTH LAUGHING) Paige.
I just spoke to the rest of the girls, morale is super high.
- Really? - Yeah.
Morale means fear, right? No, it it means their spirits.
Oh.
No, those are low.
Nobody thinks we can win this thing.
Come on! I know everybody's scared of Eggermont, but how tough can they be? (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) (GROWLS) (BONES CRACK) (GROWLS) We're dead.
Amelia there's something I have to tell you.
You didn't really make An inspirational speech, you're right! Hawks! Gather 'round and pop a squat! Today, - (INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS) - we are not who we were.
We're not even who we are.
For today, we can become who we want to be! So meaningless, but so moving.
Don't wait for your moment.
Make now your moment! And together, we'll prove that with hard work, we can accomplish anything! ALL: Yeah! Yeah! We worked hard, we can win this thing! - Ah! - (WHISTLE BLOWS) - (GROANS) - (WHISTLE BLOWS) (WHISTLE BLOWS) CROWD: Oh! (WHISTLE BLOWS) (WHISTLE BLOWS) Ugh! Why are they still playing? They won over an hour ago! - (WHISTLE BLOWS) - (CROWD GASPS) Hey! Hey! (GASPS) Martin R.
R.
George? That's right.
Creator of your favorite TV show, Princess Puppies.
"Bark! Who goes there?" (CHUCKLES) I wrote that.
Oh my gosh.
He is the only man on Earth who knows how Princess Puppies was supposed to end before it got canceled.
He agreed to come here and tell you, but first, you must save him from Zortan, the Volcano King! Like the last scene I wrote in The Blade Factor: An Alien Crime Odyssey by Bernard M.
Schotz! Exactly.
Give me an ending to your story and you'll find out what happened to the puppies.
The red carpet on the floor is hot lava and we are minutes away from galactic war.
Here, use your Cosmic Blade.
I am Mitch Blade! The blade turns lava into rock.
(ZAPPING) But Zortan would fire his lava gun.
(SHOOTING NOISES) Not so fast! Mitch Blade still has the invisibility cloak.
Of course! It was a gift from the Oracle of Invisia.
The Oracle of Invisia? (CHUCKLES) I'm gonna steal that.
Oh no! You lost your cloak! Now Zortan can destroy you! You forgot the first rule of The Volcano Planet.
A King cannot kill his own son.
(GASPS) Are you saying Zortan is Mitch Blade's father? Yes.
But a son can kill a king.
Ahh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS) Now that's an ending! I can finally move on with my life! Okay, the moment I've been waiting my entire life for.
How does Princess Puppies end? Are you ready? The puppy becomes a princess.
What? Are you What? That's crazy! I know.
I'm very, very talented.
(BOOING) How did we lose? We practiced so much! Hey, hey! Hey, don't throw your trash at her.
This was all my fault.
Throw what's left of your trash at me.
(CROWD BOOING) Wow, you guys really had a lot of trash left to throw.
What do you mean, it was all your fault? You never made the team.
- But you told me - I lied.
I'm so sorry, Amelia.
Why would you do that? Well, because I was wrong.
I guess sometimes you can work really, really hard at something but still not succeed.
(SIGHS) You know what? I'm glad you pushed me.
I made some new friends, and even though we didn't win, I think everybody had a lot of fun today.
And, hey, I got really good at volleyball.
Yeah.
So, maybe you can work your butt off and not get what you want but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
In fact, I'm gonna tryout again next year.
Maybe that's the lesson I was trying to teach you all along.
- Was it? - No.
Thanks, Paige.
MAN: Paige helped Amelia And everyone is happy Except for Coach Carlson It's been a rough year for him I'm going through some stuff.