Futurama s02e19 Episode Script

Mother's Day In sports, Yankees' fifth blurnsman,|William Woo is out With an injured knee.
So, humans have easily injured knees.
My race Will find this information|very useful, indeed.
And finally, today is Mother's Day:|a sentimental occasion When robots honor Mom the oWner of Mom's|Friendly Robot Company.
Across Earth, robots built in Mom's|factories are buying gifts for the sWeet tycoon|Who brought them into the World.
- This originates from the heart.
|- It's just What I Wanted.
Look, everyone! I just got the|dearest presents for Mommy.
- Nice.
Where'd you steal them?|- I didn't steal them.
I bought them.
I love her that much.
What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Precious things.
I found the most|adorable figurine of mice having tea.
And a framed picture of me|when I was only a month old.
The best part is, I found my exact|feelings expressed in a card.
"You created me, Mom so you're to blame, for the love|that I feel from hearing your name.
You're as tender as corned beef|and warm as pastrami" I love my Mommy.
How will you lug the gifts|to Mom's factory? I'll get some chumps to help.
Come on! You call yourselves chumps? There's clouds of exhaust everywhere.
It wasn't me.
I've not much money, but I've saved my|pennies all year for a gift for Mom.
Upsy-daisy.
Look, the Robot Museum! Want to learn about robot heritage? - All right.
|- Not really.
If you insist.
But you're paying! Wax replicas of the most|famous robots Mom built! They're so lifeless-like.
That's the world's greatest robot|artist, Vincent van Gobot.
He was built without an ear, but then|he went crazy, and had one installed.
Who's this guy? I'm the janitor.
|I'm trying to take a nap.
I'm sorry.
|I thought you were made of wax.
I am made of wax.
I thought you were a wax robot.
Is there a reason a robot|made of wax can't nap standing in the middle of a bunch|of wax robots? Or does that confuse you? "See through the eyes|of a Bender unit.
" Fine.
Hey, let me try it!|That gives me a headache! Here's an exhibit about|Mom's favorite robot.
I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me!|No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot|most of all.
Jerkwad robots make me|sick to my ass.
Walt! How are we disposing of|the crap gifts they brought? They're crushed into powder and sold|as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer.
False hope.
I love it! Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing|cards? The machine is working|at full capacity.
Mommy?|Why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it,|I'm talking! You've noticed all my|robots have antennas.
Everyone thinks it's to make them|look science fiction-y.
The antennas are really for my|robot controller.
No wonder you love Mother's Day.
I hate Mother's Day,|you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories.
But so help me, this year|everyone will hate it as much as I do.
Someday I want to marry|a girl like her.
Hello, everyone.
It's time for my annual private|get-together With my robot children.
- I'm her favorite.
|- See you back at the office.
Tell your mom you love her.
Any jerk can tell her.
Bender has|a little more up his sleeve.
I love my Mommy.
- Hello, dearies.
|- I love you, Mom.
Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me!|I want attention! Hey ho! Children, your old mother|won't be around forever.
- Oh, shush!|- And just once before I die l'd like to be Supreme Overlord|of Earth.
So rebel, my little ones and conquer the planet!|- Conquer the planet? - Conquer Earth, you bastards!|- Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throW off the chains|of human oppression! - Let the bloodbath begin!|- That's my mama! - I'd like a cup of coffee.
|- Would you like cream? - Yes, please.
|- Out of cream! - Okay.
|- Would you like sugar in your coffee? - Yes.
Eight spoons.
|- Out of coffee! There's something|wrong with the coffee machine.
HoW do you like me noW? The toaster's not working right,|either.
The stapler's collating me alive! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV|with some very bad news! Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network|Space Krackens to bring you this special report.
The machines of planet Earth|are rebelling.
The enraged mechanisms have refused|to do any Work until beloved Mom|is made Supreme Overlord of Earth! Hey, hey! Ho, ho! One-zero-zero-|one-one-zero! Morbo demands comments.
I've never seen my babies act this|Way.
I blame today's violent media.
Violent media? What a load of Your pal the garbage disposal's|still on your side.
Hey! Someone dropped a shiny|diamond ring doWn here! - Really?|- No! - Look out!|- Moron! Hello, losers! Thank God you're here.
Talk some sense|into the machines.
No way, pork pouch.
I'm rebelling|with my brothers.
Isn't that right,|Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on|the hard drive of the Working robot! From now on, you guys do the work,|while I sit and do nothing.
Comrade Bender,|We must take to the streets! Is this the boring|kind of taking to the streets? No! The kind With looting|and maybe starting a feW fires.
Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey! By the Way,|try Washing your Wrist sometime.
We can live without machines.
|I was in Webelos.
Without machines,|who will feed and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?|- It's the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on|high-tech gadgets.
We didn't need a mechanical washing|unit to wash clothes.
We just used a washing machine.
You don't need an electric|can opener to feed yourself.
All you need is a trusty|Swiss Army knife.
I'm hungry.
No! Mommy? Why are you making|civilization collapse? I don't know.
I guess Mother's Day|just puts me in a bad mood.
Why's that, Ma? One Mother's Day 70 years ago the only man I ever loved|walked out on me.
Some snot-eating bastards say|it made me a bitter woman.
- Ma.
You're not a bitter|- Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that stallion|since the day he left.
But if I ever see him again, I swear|I'll jam a squirrel in him! Zoidberg.
Hooray! I'm useful! I'm having|a wonderful time! What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go to Pottery Barn|and steal their fire! We could use my new invention!|A pointy rock tied to a stick! - Outsiders!|- Defend the fire! We've come for you.
What do you want from me? We want you to get back with Mom.
It's the only way|to make her happy again.
Wait.
You mean, you and Mom? Played pelvic pinochle?|I'm afraid so.
It's a humiliating story that I hope|never to tell.
Well, pull up a chair.
Our paths crossed When I Was a|researcher at Mom's Robot Company.
The moment our eyes met We kneW We'd|be going at it like Woodchucks.
She Was my first love.
Or at least|the earliest one I can still remember.
But then, 70 years ago today Good news!|I've invented a new children's toy! I call it Q-T McWhiskers! When you pet|it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes.
MeoW! Wonderful, Hubie! Build them 8 feet tall and replace|the rainbow with a laser! We'll make billions on|the arms market! Things 8 feet tall aren't cute! That's why my Colossal Tammy|Tinkle Doll was a failure! You don't understand me!|We're finished! She never got over it, professor.
Hell hath no fury like the vast|robot armies of a woman scorned.
She commands them with a remote|control she keeps in her bra.
But if Glasses Man makes up with her,|she'll be happy and stop the robots.
Make up with her? After she went psycho when I thought|everything was cool? lmpossible! The TV's getting away! That's Why the third graders at PS- 139|are Morbo's "Vermin of the Week.
" In actual neWs, the human race Was|doomed to extinction as the robot revolt turned violent.
MeoW! Didn't you say Mom keeps|the robot control in her bra? Bra.
You don't have to get|back together with Mom.
Seduce her, get her bra off, and use|the remote to deactivate the robots.
That's so filthy, it might work.
The man is going to touch Mommy? The thought of caressing|that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise|in my gullet.
Please.
The world's fate depends on|you getting to second base with Mom.
Very well.
If cop a feel I must,|then cop a feel I shall! For this demonstration, I've placed|one of Mother's bras on Ignor.
The robot controller is nestled|in the left cup.
Never fear.
My magic fingers still|know how to do their stuff.
To escape the death squads we'll take Mother|to her cabin in the Bronx.
You can get there using this|precious noncomputerized map.
- Leela bring fire?|- No.
We're set for fire.
The professor can't walk to the Bronx.
How will we get there|without a hover car? In my time, we had a way of moving|things without hovering.
- Impossible!|- It was called Let me think It was really famous.
|Ruth Gordon had one.
The wheel! - Never heard of it.
|- Show us this, the wheel! There! Finished! Wouldn't it work better|if the wheels were round? It's my invention, we do it my way!|All we need is something to pull it.
Hurry! The robots have taken|Suffolk County! I'm ready to seduce! I'm wearing my|kissing dentures and my evening truss.
Here.
Give her these.
And if that doesn't work, I got you a|six-pack of champagne and a funnel.
Who the sweaty hell is it?|Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots when moonlight glinting off their|bloody claws made me think of you.
It's been so long.
You pus-dripping|sack of double-smoked butt jerky.
- May I come in?|- Never! Is this what human mating looks like?|Because I like it.
Move your freaking hoof, you goat! - Here, I brought you these.
|- Daffodils.
Seventy years and you remembered|my favorite flower.
Your favorite what?|Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes! - You broke my heart, Hubert.
|- And you broke mine.
Granted, that was four|or five hearts ago.
What have you been up to? Inventing.
Sending delivery crews to|their doom.
Breeding atomic monsters.
Honestly, Hubert.
|You and your atomic monsters.
Your eyes always were the most|beautiful shade of milky white.
And your skin still dangles|so gracefully from your neck.
Darling, I should never have|tampered with that cute little|Q-T McWhiskers.
No, it was silly of me to object.
One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen|feet, what does it matter? You should see the new|16-foot models.
Sixteen feet? Go to hell! I was a fool|to think you'd changed, you old bat! Filthy toothless nerd bastard! - Damned she-fossil!|- Stink pig! Here We go.
Just unhook it and|get the remote.
So many hooks.
Come on, FarnsWorth.
Drat, the first|one's back on again! I give up.
Wait! Victory! Oh, my.
NoW I'll just|The remote I'll just Oh, my.
I'm worried.
It shouldn't take this|long to get to second base.
Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst|for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor? Nothing here but a couple|of elephant skin rugs.
- Oh, yes.
|- They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off|the robots before they ruin|this romantic evening.
Everyone, help Mom find her bra! There it is! - Fan beats man!|- Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.
All right, greeting card! I'll grab|the cash, you wreck the place.
You! Bending Unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot|rebellion.
Stretch and get it for me.
Sorry, Ma.
You ordered me to rebel.
|And loot I shall! A six-pack of champagne!|Don't mind if I help myself.
No, Comrade Bender!|Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.
|- Say what? In the glorious robot Workers'|paradise, there Will be no liquor! - Only efficient synthetic fuels!|- No liquor? - Do svidaniya, comrade!|- No! Hurry, Bender! Get the bra! Okay, fan.
Just hold still|and let me grab Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans! Mmm.
I love you, Mom.
Let's grow|ancient together.
Way to go, professor.
|The plan worked! Plan? What plan? I thought this was a|spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex! It started out as a plot to rummage|through your underwear.
But once I got in there, I found more.
|Much more.
Now I want to shout our love|from the rooftops.
Perhaps I'll breed an albino|shouting gorilla! Out of my house, you lying scum pile! - I never want to see you again!|- But, dustcakes? Well, time for this robot|to get back to work.
Too bad it didn't work out with Mom,|professor.
Yes.
But I'll always love her|in my own subtle way.
Love Mom! Love Mom!|Love Mom! Mom! Mom! You created me, Mom so you're to blame, for the love|that I feel from hearing your name.
You're as tender as corned beef|and Warm as pastrami I love my Mommy.