Gintama (2005) s02e19 Episode Script

Like a Haunted House, Life is Filled with Horrors

Manso lazy It's so hot, it feels like my brain's gonna melt Oh yeah, now that I think about it, weren't we supposed to be somewhere right now? Right, like we can walk in this blazing heat! My character is from the Yato clan so I have a weakness to sunlight.
Well, that's what they say.
Stop talking about the writer's back-story.
You're right.
I don't feel like doing anything when it's hot like this.
So what do you say? Cancel today's show, too? It often happens in JUMP.
They take a break because the author is out collecting material for the story.
Okay, in that case, GinTama will be taking a break today.
Please look forward to our next show! Manso lazy [Actually, it's not a day off.
So let's get this done.
Get to work!.]
[Remember, Ochi-san from the neighborhood association, told you to come to the temple.
.]
Yakitori Yakisoba Takoyaki Goldfish scooping Oh, the sound of festival music How nice.
Everyone but me gets to enjoy the festival.
I want to eat dried-up fried noodles too.
Stop whining.
We've got no choice.
This event takes place every year in Kabukicho.
We all have to take turns doing this job each year.
It's kind of like our civic duty as residents of Kabukicho.
But let's not forget Ochi, the ol' man who runs it every year is a real pain in the butt.
Sakata-san, I told you multiple times to be here at noon for the rehearsal.
What are you going to do if there's an accident or someone gets injured because we didn't rehearse first?! [The Kabukicho Haunted House.]
Forget it! If you don't feel like doing it, then go home.
I'll do it all by myself this year! Sorry about that.
See ya.
Good! That's all I wanted to hear from you.
I forgive you, so get back here.
Huh? Hey? Sakata-san?! Um I've got lots of watermelon and other stuff for you!! Sakata-san!! I'm sorry, Sakata-san! I was out of line.
Sakata-san!! ["Like a Haunted House, Life is Filled with Horrors".]
Come on, gimme a break.
At this hour, we don't even have time to do a rehearsal.
Well, I'm really sorry.
You keep saying you're sorry, but you don't sound apologetic at all.
Sorry! You know, I've been around a long time, and that's the most offensive apology I've ever heard.
What are we going to do? What if we start the haunted house without a rehearsal and someone gets hurt? It's my job to make sure this event runs smoothly and safely every year.
We can't let anyone get hurt during this festival's haunted house.
It's hard to take someone with an arrow sticking out of his head seriously.
It's for the role I'm playing.
It's from a battle.
I'm a battle casualty.
That's the setting.
So battle injuries are acceptable? Yes, battle injuries are acceptable.
But if you think about it, battles were instigated by the rulers of the time for their own purposes so for commoners like us, a battle would feel a lot like an accident.
Oh my god! What is wrong with you people! You want me to take this arrow out? Don't you like my arrows? Anyway, customers who come to the haunted house are adrenaline junkies.
They're high on the adrenaline rush, so who knows what they'll do? That's why we have to be ready for any unexpected accident that might occur.
Don't worry about it.
Our adrenaline is always running low.
Before you know it, we'll have drained all their excess energy.
I don't want a lethargic haunted house! It has to be spine-tingling! No problem.
We don't need a rehearsal.
All we have to do is say, "wah" and "kyah" and the scared customers will say "wah" and "kyah" with us.
Just leave it to us.
All right, let's do this! Hey! We want "wah" and "kyah" to be shrieks of fear, not death cries! What do you guys think you're here for? We're trying to test people's courage.
Not rip their hearts out! You gotta be this extreme to get a reaction out of all the jaded kids these days.
No! Didn't you hear what I said? I said I don't want any accidents or injuries! So what's with that getup? Didn't I ask you to bring ghost costumes? Not dress like bloodthirsty killers!! You know what's really scary? Let me tell you It's the human heart.
Do I look like I'm interested in your muddled insights? I'm a ghost, just like you asked.
My character, Kaguriina is a doll that is possessed by the ghost of a serial killer.
I've never even heard of such a character! All I see is a hillbilly sushi chef.
As for you, god knows what the hell you're supposed to be.
Huh? You know, the ghost of a yakuza.
What an idiotic idea! Combining two scary things doesn't equal greater scariness! Only a total idiot would think of that! Go change your costumes! Change them!! We still have the ones left over from last year, so put those on for now.
Sorry about that, Ochi-san.
Okay, forget the yakuza ghost.
I'll be the ghost of a security guard.
That'll work, right? Like hell it would! What? Why are you looking at me like you solved the problem?! Well, at least it's better than before.
So there's a vampire at the temple now? Yeah, where's the logic in that? We don't really mesh here.
Let's at least have a coherent view of the world, you no-good geezer.
This isn't going to work, uh-huh.
Did the costumes you were wearing before mesh? Where was the logic in that? Gimme a break.
In what universe is there a house that's haunted by Jason and a dead samurai?! Ochi-san.
It wasn't Jason.
I was Jackson.
He's an original character I created.
Who the hell cares?! I don't give a damn about your wretched creations! Ochi-san! We've got customers!! A party of two is on its way up.
Already? But it's not even dark yet.
Oh, whatever.
We'll just have to wing it! You guys head over to the temple gardens.
That's where we'll set up the haunted house.
You won't need those!! Do you guys really want to be a part of this or not? Daddy, I'm scared.
Don't worry.
Daddy's right here with you.
But it feels like something could jump out at any moment.
Hey you, stop making so much noise with those dishes.
I told you to leave them behind, didn't I? Yeah, but look how many there are.
What is this? What are they used for? It's just like in that Bancho Sarayashiki story, Kagura-chan.
[Note: A famous Japanese ghost story about a maid who is falsely accused of breaking a ceramic plate and subsequently dropped in a well.
.]
She counts all the dishes one by one and after the ninth one she says, [Note: Her ghost comes out of the well every night counting dishes but is always short one dish.
.]
"There's one missing.
I curse you!" and then pounces on you.
Onetwo Huh? You're right.
There is one missing.
Hm? Huh? Hey, it's right over there.
Ah! I'll go get it.
Just chill! Or you'll spoil our hiding place.
I've already heard everything But if we're short one dish to start out with and we're missing one, then that means we're actually short two.
Kagura-chan, don't worry about it.
Just say, "There's two missing.
I curse you.
" No, I don't want to.
That's not how the story goes.
No, don't! Kagura-chan! ThThe dishes That was nice of you.
Well, I felt sorry for her.
Mmm I got candy! What do you mean, "I got candy"? Why is a vengeful ghost receiving pity from people?! Come on! Pull yourselves together! That was pathetic! It was lamer than my karaoke performance at my friend's wedding.
Yeah, but it's hard to move around with all these dishes clattering about.
Can't we change them to Frisbees or something? So you're gonna count one Frisbee, two What the hell kind of vengeful grudge are you gonna have? If you break any more dishes, you'll exhaust the community budget! I have no choice! I'll show you how it's done.
Now, watch carefully.
Gotcha.
While you do that, we'll go kill time at a coffee shop or something.
Are you even listening? And, no! Don't leave! Huh? Why are you putting so much effort into this? Please don't leave! Well He's doing it for money.
Or maybe a woman.
So, Ochi-san! What do you want us to do? OOh, yeah.
I haven't been participating in this year after year for nothing, you know.
Like last year I can't even remember how many girls I made cry in fear.
Ochi-san, the next customer is here.
Please stand by.
So they've come Our next victims You guys go hide over there.
Now watch me carefully and try to mimic my technique.
Okay then, I'm off.
Welcome.
Oh Two, please.
Ochi-san You're in trouble now.
I told you, I hate these things.
Oh come on, what's the harm of getting scared once in a while? Hey! Don't cling to me so tightly, Otae.
It's difficult to walk.
Seriously, I'm really bad with stuff like this.
Oryo, don't leave me.
There you go again.
You're not scared of anything I'm telling you, I can't take it! I'm serious.
Dead serious.
I'm scared.
I'm too scared! You're way scarier Don't leave my side, okay? Don't leave my side, okay? That was easy.
Stop it.
Seriously, stop it.
Seriously I said I'm bad at this!! No, I've had enough! Let's go home, okay? Let's go! Hold on a second.
Just calm down, Otae! What's up with that girl? What's going on? Damn, in that case Phase Two.
HinTama! [Note: HinTama is slang for Hitodama, the "spirits of the dead that are in the form of firefoxes".
It is also a play on GinTama.
.]
Hintama! They're Hintama!! Hey, stop! You're killing her! She'll die! What're you doing? Come on! Even freaking out has its limits Gross! Good job.
You really look like a fallen samurai now.
You've fallen too far though You're almost half-buried into the ground.
Yeah, like a bungee jumping accident.
Your fall was as dangerous as bungee jumping naked.
I've had it! This is the worst year ever! I can't take it! Both the staff and customers are just totally unreasonable! Hey, come on.
That's no way to talk during O-bon Festival.
[Note: O-bon is a Buddhist tradition of honoring the spirits of the dead.
.]
The year isn't over yet.
You can say that on New Year's Eve after you've done everything you can do.
Sure, that's easy for you to say.
I bet everyone's heard how lame this is.
No one's gonna come now.
It's over.
They'll kick me out of the neighborhood association now! And after all my struggles to reach a position where I could lord it over everyone! The neighborhood association was the only place left for me.
Isn't this haunted house just a sideshow in the festival anyway? You sound pitiful, just like the piece of fat that's been forgotten in the corner of the sukiyaki pot.
No, the sukiyaki fat is better off than me.
I get no respect at home or even at work.
I'm scorned at the office as dead wood.
My desk is by the window.
[Note: In Japan, often useless, unneeded employees are seated by the window.
.]
I was nicknamed "Ochimusha.
" [Note: Ochimusha means defeated samurai.
.]
Every day, my boss scolded me and my subordinates laughed at me.
I was laid off.
And my wife She left me But even someone like me was able to find a place where I can shine.
And that was here.
People got scared and ran away when they saw me.
It made me feel big and important.
I even devised my own clever schemes to scare the customers.
That's whyI have to make this haunted house a success, no matter what! I don't expect you to understand how I feel Besides, I didn't really want to tell you since it's so embarrassing Ochi-san Embarrassing? Who cares? This is the place you decided to live, right? What's being embarrassed going to do? If you're really serious about accomplishing something, then stop grumbling and throw your heart and soul into it.
If you give it your all, then everyone will be able to feel it.
Whether it be this haunted house or anything else Leave the setup to us.
We'll reel them in and set 'em up for you to close in for the kill.
Sakata-san I'll make this event a success if it kills me! Let's do this! Gin-san If I didn't say that to him, there's no telling how far he would have fallen.
Well, his name, "Ochi" does mean, "to fall.
" Excuse me.
I'm by myself, but may I go in? Oh gosh, I'm so nervous.
I'm such a scaredy-cat, but I can't resist stuff like this.
Pretty silly of me, huh? Oh no, no, no.
Not at all! Oh? Why are you crying? Yeow One customer on his way! Crap Ochi-san's in trouble He's about to live up to his name.
You just wait and see I'll make this next one perfect.
I'll show you what I'm made of! Oh, here he comes.
What the hell is that? What's a monster doing at a haunted house? He's so much scarier than me.
There's no need for him to even be here! Damnit I'm outta here! Hang on there.
You can't run away.
Weren't you going to throw your heart and soul into this? Yeah but, he's way too scary.
One dish Two dishes, three dishes, a bunch of dishes.
What's this? There's one missing.
A curse upon you! Watch out! Little girl, be careful.
He's gonna eat you! Huh? Does that monsterlook scared? One Frisbee, two Frisbees, a bunch of Frisbees.
What's this? There's one missing.
"I curse youwoof!" He's just making stuff up as he goes!! One garlic, two garlic, a bunch of garlic Garlic?! That's wrong! That's your weakness! You're counting your weak point! What's this? There's one missing "I dracu-curse you!!" That doesn't even go together! And one to rule them all "Fallen samurai," here, a snack.
Snack, snack.
Snack? What? What are they talking about? Snack, snack.
What's this?! My pockets are full of snacks Snack, snack.
Don't tell me they want me to count them So they want me to count these snacks that have absolutely nothing to do with me? Snack, snack All right.
I'll do it.
One snack.
Two snacks.
A bunch of snacks.
What's this? There's one missing [Note: "-degozaru" is a stereotypical samurai way of ending one's sentences.
.]
"I curse you -degozaru!!" Well, I really enjoyed that demonstration.
It certainly was a great haunted house game, wasn't it? But It's wrong to take a life.
You almost stepped on this bug.
Well, "Ochi" does mean "To Fall.
" Yes, it does.
Ochi-san Welcome.
Oh, another customer.
Never mind already.
I've finally lost the only sanctuary I had.
I'll leave the rest up to you.
So what are you going to do now? Are you just going to give up? There's nothing to give up on.
This is the kind of life I was meant to live after all.
Hang on!! You're running away again? All you do is run away.
You just said the haunted house was the only place you had.
But that's wrong.
What? You always ran away without a fight and that's how you ended up here.
How's about taking a real stab at life, now? A real stab at life? Yeah, it's time for you to test your courage.
Ochi-san For a man, every day is like a haunted house.
If we never tested our courage, we'd just rot away.
Our heart and soul would just die.
If you really want to protect the place you call your own, then throw that heart and soul into it with all your might.
Come on, hurry.
The customer will be here any minute now.
Okay.
Here she comes A loser like me The one who kept running away from everything I can't do this after all But I don't ever want to feel that way again! To the "Ochimusha" I was yesterday I'm saying goodbye!! "I curse y" OOka OwOuch OkaOkaru OOkaru.
C-Come ba-ba-ba-back to me! Ouch, I bit my tongue You always bungle things Umwell You're such a fool.
That's why I came here.
Huh O-Okaru You Don't say anything.
Just let me come home with you.
So it looks like Ochi-san was the one who brought up the separation, but his wife never agreed to it.
Yeah, both of them were scared to be honest with each other.
Yeah, it looks that way.
Good for them.
Gin-chan, I want to go to the festival too.
What are you talking about? We still have this haunted house job to finish.
What? We still have to do that? Oh, now that I think about it, Ochi-san didn't scare anyone.
Whatever! We're trying to make this sound like a good story at the end, but don't you have a punch line or something to end with? [Note: "Punch line" is "Ochi" in Japanese.
.]
No, this is the punch line: because his name is Ochi.
[A woman.]
[Comes.]
[Holding a garbage bag.]
[And then.]
[She watched.
.]
[An Unusual Episode of GinTama.
.]
[Note: "Yo ni mo kimyo na GinTama" a parody of the popular mystery show "Yo ni mo kimyo na monogatari" -Tales of the Unusual.
.]
[Always.]
[Help by Separating Your Trash.
.]
[Gintoki makes the mistake of throwing away his JUMP on non-combustible trash day.
.]
[While there, Gintoki sees Starting next episode, the Fuyo Story!!.]

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