Hannah Montana s02e19 Episode Script

Y'all come back now, you hear? Thank you all for coming.
Great PTA meeting.
That vegetarian lasagne was delicious.
And those pork-free pork chops, that's some good eating.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Dang it, honey, doesn't anybody in California eat meat any more? That's a large pepperoni, sausage pizza and a big old bucket of bacon on the side.
I'm sorry.
Did you guys want something? Now, Lilly, that's what I love about your mom.
Looks like an angel, but eats like a truck driver.
Was that supposed to be a compliment? From him? Oh, yeah.
Finally, they're gone! Dad, the next time you host a PTA meeting, at least do it out in the hot tub, so I can see Lilly's mom in The kitchen! Hey, Miss T! Warn a guy! And he doesn't have a girlfriend.
Go figure! Heather, I appreciate you and Lilly staying over, but you all don't have to stick around and help us clean up.
You just want that pizza all to yourself.
That is not true, but I will wrestle you for that bucket of bacon.
Why isn't he laughing? The man don't joke about his bacon.
Jackson, you could help clean up, too, if you like.
I am helping.
Man, this chocolate pudding tastes awful.
That's because it's Mrs Devahl's fast-acting prune butter.
Why do they call it Excuse me.
Is it just me, or are they actually starting to like each other? You mean like, or like like? I'll tell you, the best steakhouse in LA, Jimmy's down on Third.
One time I heard a cow say, "When I go, just serve me up at Jimmy's.
" -Like like! -Like like! Man, I haven't seen my mom even look at a guy since the divorce.
It'd be so cool if they started dating.
It would be even cooler if they got married.
-So how about Saturday? -It's a date.
-We're gonna be sisters! -We're gonna be sisters! What are we eating? -Oh, boy.
-Oh, boy! come on! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe every colour Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds Make sure your dad wears his earring.
My mom says it makes him look like a pirate, and she loves her pirates.
Perfect! He's always looking for an excuse to wear his puffy shirt.
Lilly, tell your mom to wear that dress that she wore at my folks' Christmas party.
She looked so holidayish.
v ery festive.
I gotta go.
Okay, that was gross, but he's not wrong about the dress.
-True.
After you, sis.
-No, after you, sis.
Tell her not too much perfume.
And she's gonna have to keep laughing at his jokes, even when they stop being funny.
And trust me, that day will come.
Okay, perfume, jokes, Oliver's holiday dress.
You better write me a list, and I'll write one for you.
Cool.
Welcome to the wonderful world of international relations.
-Good one! -Well, thank you, Miss Truscott.
It's always nice to be appreciated.
Now, next week, all of you will be ambassadors of an imaginary country, as we try to resolve problems peacefully.
-This is gonna work great! -Aye.
And it certainly will if everyone shows that kind of enthusiasm.
Stewart, Truscott, the two of you are a great joy to have in class.
Right back at you! Why are we a great joy? I don't know.
Keep writing! Something doesn't look right, but what? What could it be? Maybe it's the annoying little twerp staring back at you.
No.
It's the sand around the shack.
It all just, I don't know, blends in.
That's because we're, I don't know, on a beach.
Watch and learn, Jackson.
Or in your case, just watch.
Bring it in, Charlie! Sand.
You actually bought sand.
This isn't just sand.
It's Costa Rican sand.
Finest in the world.
Feel it, smell it, unload it.
-Excuse me? -Remember to lift with your knees.
I'll lift with my knees, all right.
Now, this I'll be happy to unload.
Let me go! Jackson! Put me down! I'll put you down.
There.
Have fun hanging out.
Jackson, get back here! You're the worst employee in the world! That's because you're the worst boss in the world.
You wouldn't last a week working for a jerk like you.
And you wouldn't last a week managing a bonehead like you.
I bet you 50 bucks you couldn't even last the weekend.
Wait, you're willing to pay me 50 bucks to switch places? You are so on.
Fine.
For the rest of the weekend, I'm Jackson, you're Rico.
Now, get me down from here.
Sorry, Jackson.
Rico doesn't take orders from you.
Get yourself down.
Jackson! Whee, doggies, it sure feels good to be puffy again! Yeah, yeah, you're a regular puff daddy.
Okay, let's review, shall we? So she loves the Boston Red Sox, hates when people dress their dogs, -and her favourite ice-cream is -Chocolate crunchy.
Not chocolate crunchy, it's fudgy munchy! Sweet niblets.
How'd you get out of high school? By doing my homework, which is exactly what you should be doing.
Okay.
I'm sorry, Pops, but, I mean, it's you and Lilly's mom.
It would be so cool Mile, I appreciate the coaching.
I know what you're trying to do, but let's face it.
I already got the duds and the 'do, anything else would be just unfair.
Okay, remember, he loves Car racing, Lynyrd Skynyrd and those Japanese game shows where people fall off logs.
I've never been so proud of you.
Lipstick check.
How you doing? We're very close.
-Move your finger, honey.
-Oh, right.
-That is one beautiful dress.
-That is one puffy shirt.
-Drive safe! -Next stop, Sister-town.
-Bye! -Bye! Man, Lilly, this is harder than I thought.
If we just concentrate, I know we'll figure it out.
I've gone over these numbers 10 times.
Once you move in, there is no way all of our shoes are gonna fit.
Well, what are we gonna do? I guess I could give some away.
You would give away shoes for me? -You're the best sister ever! -I know! Hold on, I'm getting a video message.
People of Earth, people of Earth, people of Earth.
Don't be alarmed, it's Mr corelli! Just a gentle little reminder to all of you that International Relations Week starts on Monday, so be prepared.
Francis, do you want one fish stick or two? Not now, Ma! I'm on the computer! Mr Corelli, over and out.
Four! And don't hog the tartar sauce! This explains so much.
Once we get our parents together, we have got to get that man a date.
-They're back! -They're back! I can't wait to hear how the date went! Me neither.
Slow down, slow down, slow down.
Give them a little space.
They'll let us know how it went when they're ready.
Okay.
How'd it go? Great? Perfect? Awesome? Fantastic? Tell me.
Fine.
I had a wonderful time.
So did I.
Let's go.
-But -The woman wants to leave.
Let's not stop her.
-Thank you.
-My pleasure.
What goofy thing did your dad do this time? My dad? How do you know it was my dad's fault? Have you met your dad? Yeah, I have.
And I've also met your uptight mother.
My mother is not uptight.
Lillian, move it! Yeah, she's a real ray of sunshine.
-This is not her fault! -It's not my daddy's fault, either! I was gonna give up shoes for you.
-Well, now you don't have to.
-Fine.
-Good! -Goodbye.
She is not uptight! You know what? I don't need a sister.
I like being an only child.
Hey, Miles, I got a pimple on my back I can't reach.
Could you Let me go get my goggles.
Morning, Daddy! I made you breakfast.
Thanks, honey, but I'm still not gonna tell you.
What happened last night was between Lilly's mom and me.
And I respect that.
Really? So why did you write "please, please tell me" in little tiny pieces of bacon? 'Cause the full strips would've taken up all the room.
Sorry, honey, this just isn't your fight.
-You're gonna have to stay out of it.
-Get your own darn breakfast.
Fine.
Woman insists on paying half the cheque and won't take no for an answer.
-It's ridiculous.
-That's why you're mad? I said I'm not talking about it.
Man tries to be a gentleman, and suddenly he's a caveman.
That's what y'all were upset about? Just because both of you guys wanted to pay the cheque? This is so awesome! I've got to go tell Lilly! And, Daddy, you might want to get the shells out of there.
I like my eggs extra crunchy.
Caveman.
She's the one that slapped down that credit card so fast, it got meat juice all over my puffy shirt.
-Lilly, I found out everything! -I know! I can't believe they fought over something so stupid.
I know.
Now we can still be sisters.
Yeah.
All your dad has to do is apologise for not letting my mom pay.
Uptight momma's daughter say what? I said your dad just has to apologise.
For what? Being a gentleman? Your mother's the one that needs to apologise.
For what? Asserting her independence? Well, she asserted it all over my daddy's little puffy shirt.
-Well, he was being pigheaded! -He was being polite.
Haven't you ever heard of Southern hospitality? Now get off my land! There, Rico.
That's the last of the sand.
Happy? Something doesn't look right, Jackson.
But what? What could it be? -Oh, no.
-Oh, yes.
The new sand does not please me.
Put it all back.
But I just spent two hours Unless you're willing to admit that you can't take what you dish out! Never.
Hold up, Jackson.
Let me help you with that.
Wait, I don't help anybody because I'm Rico.
-So you're Rico? -Yeah.
-And I'm enjoying every minute of it.
-Yeah? Well, I'm gonna enjoy every minute of pounding your face in.
-What? -You picked on my little brother -for the last time.
-What little brother? You remember, don't you, Rico? The kid with the unibrow, very similar to this handsome gentleman.
I believe you called it an eye-eye-eye-brow.
-What did you do? -Me? I'm not the one who said "bring it on" when the kid told you his big brother was gonna beat you up Sunday at noon.
Well, look at that.
Right on time.
Wait a minute.
He set me up.
He's Rico.
You just love picking on little kids, don't you? It's true.
He's a bad man.
Look out! Move, move, move, move, move! Nobody does Rico like Rico.
And then she was like And then I was like, "What?" Chicks.
Hi, Oliver.
Ready for International Relations Week? Totally.
My country, Okenland, is ready to rock.
We've got We got gorgeous beaches, gorgeous girls, and our main export is love.
Good for you.
Want to hear about Sarahtopia? Not really.
Our national colour is green, we only use alternative fuels, and our chief export is mulch made from our own waste products.
-You have an army? -No.
Good luck.
You won't be so smug when your people get sick of paying $ 18 for a gallon of gas, revolt and hang you by your thumbs.
Bye! -You're blocking my locker.
-You're blocking my locker.
Why don't you show some Southern hospitality and move? Why don't you assert your independence and move me? Okay, what are you two arguing about this time? Did somebody forget their friendship weekiversary? We don't have weekiversaries any more because we are no longer friends.
And this would've been our 200th, and Lilly would've gotten that charm bracelet she's been wanting.
Oh, well.
Well, I don't need presents from someone who insults my family.
-I insulted your family? -Thanks for admitting it.
I wasn't finished! Your cheque-grabbing mother Your me-man-you-woman pappy.
You know what you two need? A vacation on the beautiful beaches of Okenland.
Wear a bikini, get a free churro.
-This isn't funny! -This isn't funny! I said it first.
I can sing.
I can sing.
Welcome to the first day of International Relations Week.
Today, four nations will demonstrate world trade.
Which will they be? Well, we have Okenland, Sarahtopia, Lillitania and Somebody else, somebody else, somebody else, somebody else.
Hello, Milantis! You know, today is a Milantian holiday.
Banks, post office, all closed.
Please respect our tradition.
Yeah, her old, backwards traditions.
Then again, Milantis is always ready to stand up for what it believes in.
And those beliefs will be tested in today's debate over a big pile of fish! Sorry, they're a little ripe.
I'm on a teacher's salary.
Now, you four nations border the Corellian Sea.
Milantis has had an excellent fishing season and, holy mackerel, owns all the fish.
What will you do to get what you need? Let's start trading.
Well, my country harnesses the power of wind.
We could trade you energy for fish.
Or I could just give you the fish, because in Milantis, that's the classy thing to do.
Well, in Lillitania, we don't take handouts.
We like to pay for our own fish and half the tip! It's not a handout.
It's a generous, loving gesture from the people of Milantis, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about that, since you are from Lilly-tiny-brainia.
Well, at least my country doesn't sound like a cure for diarrhoea.
I'll take the fish if it gets me an A.
At least Okenland isn't threatened when someone wants to buy them one little dinner.
We don't need you buying us anything.
Lillitania is an independent nation! Milantis is a country rich in tradition! Now take the dang fish! I don't want your stinking fish! This one's mine.
Great, then this one can be yours.
-Cold fish! Cold fish! -Yeah, just like your mother! This one's for Mom! -Well, this one is for Dad! -No! -Lilly, chill! -Guys, I was gonna return those! Don't be an idiot, just take the fish.
Hey, if she wants to pay, it's her right.
-Well, her right is stupid.
-You're stupid.
Well, that's pretty brave talk for somebody without an army.
Who needs an army when you've got an arm? Gross! All right, that's it.
I want the fish, and I want them now.
Next time, we're trading cookies.
Guys! Guys! Can't we all just get along? Come on.
Those are expensive.
-I smell like low tide.
-Me, too na.
-Don't make me laugh, I'm mad at you.
-I'm mad at you.
-Flying fish.
-Flying fish.
-What are we doing? -Exactly what they're doing in there.
Fighting someone else's stupid fight.
Well, I'm ready to stop if you are.
Well, I gotta be honest.
My dad can be a little bit old-fashioned.
Yeah, my mom can be a wee bit uptight.
A wee bit? She's a lovely woman that can fight her own battles, just like my daddy.
-Friends? -Practically sisters.
-Eat it, Oken! -Help! I'm being attacked by Sarahtopia! Life's what you make it So let's make it rock Let's make it rock Life's what you make it So come on, come on Everybody now Let's celebrate it Join in, everyone You decide 'cause life's what you make it Life is what you make it -Honey, you were on fire tonight.
-I was, wasn't I? I think it's because I was so happy Lilly and I made up.
I think it's really great that you and my mom worked everything out, too.
Yeah, I know.
You think she had a good time at the concert? Rock and roll! Yeah! A little bit.