Hey Arnold! (1996) s02e19 Episode Script

1
MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
(YOWLING)
(BARKING)
Hey, Arnold!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMS)
Hey, Arnold!
Arnold.
Arnold.
(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
Arnold.
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
Oh, that's the end
of that can.
Hey, I know.
Let's play catch.
Can't. My mitt's messed up.
I know!
Let's go rollerblading.
Can't. Broke a wheel.
Those things
aren't cheap, you know.
Man, I wish
there was some way
to get some money.
Yeah, but how?
Now, the petunias
get watered
every afternoon.
Three fingers of water,
no more.
The roses need water daily.
They get very thirsty.
Don't be stingy.
Mums like
a healthy drink, too.
The daisies also,
but they're delicate.
Be careful.
Just like the ferns.
Oh, have I mentioned
the ferns? And then,
there's the violets, irises,
lady fingers, and
Am I going too fast?
(GASPS)
Here you go, boys.
Your first payday.
Wow!
Thanks a lot, Miss V.
Don't thank me.
You boys deserve
every penny.
Well, see you Monday,
Mrs. Vitello.
(CAT MEOWS)
MRS. VITELLO: Ow!
My back!
Mrs. Vitello,
are you all right?
Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm
(BONES CRACKING)
(SCREAMS IN PAIN)
(GASPS)
Give me a hand, boys.
(BONES CRACKING)
(GROANING)
Don't worry!
By tomorrow morning,
I'll be good as new.
According to
Doctor Necropolis,
I have to rest my back
for at least a week.
That means I'm really
going to need you boys
to help me run the store.
You can depend
on us, Miss V.
I know I can.
Now, I've been
thinking, Arnold.
You're good with plants
and making arrangements,
so you'll take care
of the flowers.
Gerald, you're organized
and deal well
with the customers,
so I want you to be
in charge of the store.
We'll take care of
everything, Miss V.
You're still working
on that same one?
There's lots more
to do, Arnold.
I'll take care
of this, man.
You got your hands full.
Good afternoon, Sir,
how may I help you?
Well, that was fine,
if I do say so myself.
Yeah, I guess.
Come on, let's go home.
Not yet.
I want to get a head start
on everything I have
to do tomorrow.
Arnold, you have no idea
how huge a job it is
to be boss.
Yeah, that must be
really something.
Well, see you
in the morning.
Hey, Gerald.
You're late!
I have a ton of stuff
to get to do around here!
Still busy with
the calculator, huh?
Well, I'm just
getting started.
I bought a copy of
big business magazine
last night,
and it gave me
some great ideas!
See, the way
I figure it,
we can double
the productivity
in this shop.
I've taken the liberty
of drawing up
a business plan.
As you can see,
I'll handle
the most difficult tasks.
Interfacing with
the customers,
developing a better
advertising strategy,
designing more
colorful aprons.
I get to do
everything else?
Like sweeping up
and watering
all the plants
and delivering
all the orders?
Look, Arnold,
Miss Vitello put me
in charge, okay?
And all I'm trying to do
is make this place
run better.
Do you have a problem
with that?
Okay, good.
Let's get to work.
We got a flower shop
to run.
If we charge $2 a rose,
we make $24 a dozen.
And if we charge $6 a rose,
we'll make $72 a dozen.
If we charge $30 a rose,
we'd make $360!
Man, what a great plan.
(SIREN BLARING)
(SHOUTING ON PHONE)
Yes, sir, I understand.
Don't worry.
I'll get on that
right away.
Arnold!
I just got a call
from the DeMato family.
Yeah, I just delivered
their arrangement to them.
It said "Good luck"
written in carnations.
The DeMatos ordered
a sympathy wreath.
Oh. That explains
that guy chasing me.
Arnold, you've messed up
the entire customer-client
continuum.
If you delivered the DeMatos
the good luck wreath,
then who got
the flowers they ordered?
Honey, I swear
I didn't send this!
(BABIES WAILING)
You never loved me,
you bum! (SNIFFLING)
Hey, don't blame
everything on me!
You're the one who's
marching around here
giving orders like
like you're Napoleon
or something.
Well, if you had
your way,
you'd work on
one flower arrangement
a week!
So?
"So?"
Look at this, man!
This is art!
Arnold, you're
wasting flowers,
you're wasting time,
and most of all,
you're wasting money!
If you're so perfect,
Gerald,
why don't you just
run the store
by yourself?
What are you
talking about?
Listen, do you feel
that I'm out of line?
I do. And I quit!
(GRUNTS) You can't quit,
'cause you're fired!
Too late. I quit!
Ah, you just can't find
good help anymore.
I don't get this.
Do they know
they're not
eating together?
(KIDS CHATTERING)
Hey, Gerald, you gonna play
with the rest of these losers,
or aren't ya?
Gerald can't play
because Gerald is too busy
being the boss.
I don't know
what Arnold's
talking about.
He's probably just jealous,
'cause I'm the boss.
What's up with
you and Gerald?
Gerald? Gerald who?
I knew something was wrong!
I knew it!
(TOILET FLUSHING)
Hey there, short man!
Where's Gerald?
Isn't this
your checkers night?
Maybe. Can't remember.
You can't remember?
Friday night's been
you boys' checkers night
every week
since youse was
seven years old!
Oh, I get it.
Havin' a little tiff, eh?
As far as I'm concerned,
if I never talk
to Gerald again,
it'll be too soon.
Arnold, let me
tell you a story.
When I was a boy,
my best friend was a kid
named Jimmy Kafka.
Jimmy and I started
working for Bobby the Limp,
owner of this city's largest
pay-toilet business.
One day, our boss
was hauled off
in the great
Porta-Duty scandal
of 1926.
Jimmy Kafka,
you're in charge
of my business!
You have a head
for numbers!
GRANDPA: Jimmy and I tried
to work together
but I couldn't cotton
to him being boss!
We ended up having a fight
and then not talking
to each other.
First for a few days,
then for a few months,
and then for a few years!
And one day
you made up, right?
Nope, I never saw
Jimmy Kafka again.
But I think of him
every time I go
to the bathroom.
So my point is,
I lost the best friend
I ever had
'cause of a stupid
misunderstanding
and my stubbornness.
Well, that's not
a very happy ending.
What do you know,
it isn't!
Well, they hardly
ever are!
I'm getting sleepy.
My bones hurt.
Night night, short man!
Mmm, big deal.
So I won't be friends
with Gerald,
(YAWNING)
or Jimmy Kafka,
or Gerald Kafka,
or whatever.
(GRUMBLES)
Uh, this seat's
pretty crowded.
Tell me about it.
Sitting next to you
is my worst nightmare.
Just the thought of you
makes me so mad,
I could
Do you remember why
we stopped talking
to each other?
No, I don't.
Well, me neither.
It was something
about school.
No, it wasn't.
It was about some
stupid baseball game.
It was school!
Baseball!
You're an old stubborn fool,
and you're losing your mind.
You smell,
you hardly have
any of your own teeth,
and I never liked you.
Happiest day of my life
is was when
we stopped talking
to each other.
Well, what did I tell you,
short man?
(CACKLING)
(CRACKS)
Ahh! Whoa!
I can't let that happen
to Gerald and me!
I gotta go see him.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
The floral design
I ordered looks like
a sick dog,
not a happy
wedding couple.
This store
used to be known
for quality.
What's happened here,
young man?
I'm sorry!
I'm doing everything I can.
MAN: All my flowers
are wilted!
They're wilted!
Man, I don't know
what to do!
I need some help!
Need some help?
Arnold?
Sorry I was such
a jerk, Gerald.
You're not such a bad boss.
I just wanted
to be creative.
You know, have some fun.
I guess I was
sort of a jerk, too.
You know, we could've
not talked to each other
for years!
Forever!
That would have been
really stupid.
Can I get
some service today?
Let's get going.
Friends?
Friends to the very end.
(CROWD CLAMORING)
(BELL RINGS)
For our
science fair experiment,
Stinky and I determine
the effects
of a conditioned stimulus,
and an unconditioned stimulus
to get a conditioned response.
What that means is,
she rang a bell,
held a Mr. Nutty candy bar
up to my nose,
and measured my drool.
Yes, it was in honor
of my hero, I. P. Pavlov.
The Mr. Nutty part
was my favorite part.
Yes, Stinky.
Thank you!
Next, we're going to hear
from Arnold and Helga.
Arnold, Helga.
Well, I guess
we should move on.
(DOOR OPENS)
HELGA: Wait, we're here!
(ALL GASPING)
(GASPS)
What happened
to them?
Our science fair
hypothesis was:
What's the effect
of a controlled,
ecologically-balanced
environment
on two scientists working
and living together
for 24 hours?
I called it "Biosquare."
The point is, all we had to do
was get along for 24 hours
locked in a greenhouse.
Right. But little
did we know
that harmony would
so quickly turn
into treachery
Paranoia.
and disaster.
(WHISPERS)
Nice dramatic touch!
It all started
Sunday morning
at 8:00 a.m.
Well, good luck
in your glass bubble, kids.
Just think. 24 hours
without cable. Phew!
Don't worry.
All should be okay
'cause I'll be watching
your little monkey
science show. (CHUCKLES)
Got my lawn chair
and my spittoon.
I'm all set.
I'm really excited
about this, Grandpa.
24 hours of conducting
scientific experiments
in our Biosquare
using only natural
resources and products.
Just think.
Our own little Walden.
Think of what we'll learn.
Not too fast,
Madam Curie.
Enough with
the brainiac stuff.
I mean,
I feel like
I'm talking to Phoebe here.
I'm here to get an easy "A"
for the science fair thing.
You know, lie in a hammock,
eat junk food,
catch some rays.
watch some TV
Helga, what are you doing
with all this stuff?
I can't watch TV
without popcorn.
You can't bring
man-made products
into this natural
Don't worry your
football head
about me, Arnold.
You just worry
about yourself!
Hey, where are the outlets
in this bio-dump?
That's what
I've been trying
to tell you.
This is a natural environment.
There's no electricity.
What? No electricity?
No TV? No popcorn?
No deal!
I'm outta here.
Hey, if you can't
tough it out for 24 hours,
maybe you should leave!
Oh, so you don't think
I'm tough enough,
is that it, bio-boy?
Well, I'll show you.
I can stand being anywhere
for 24 hours,
even locked in
a controlled environment
with you!
Biosquare.
I'm really scared.
ARNOLD: Okay,
first experiment.
A potato with
cucumber seeds in it.
We'll see if
the seeds flower.
Phew! (CHUCKLES)
That Jughead sure gets
into some crazy mix-up!
(YAWNS)
So, how long has it been?
Must be almost time
to get out of here.
It's been 45 minutes.
What? That's impossible!
I've eaten all my food!
Well, you should have
thought ahead
and rationed your portions
like I did.
Hmm. That potato
looks good.
With a little sour cream
and chives, I could
Don't get any ideas
about that potato!
It's an important
experiment!
Look, I've got
some freeze-dried kelp,
powdered trail mix,
organic celery juice
You want some?
Ew, get it away
from me!
I only eat
human food!
I'm going out
for pizza!
Hey, old guys!
Let me out of here!
Oh, look,
the little girl is waving!
Hey! Hi, little girl!
Hi!
Hello, I'm waving
back at you!
Next, two different plants
growing in the same pot.
Most importantly,
two different species
of ants living
in the same ant-farm!
I've got my black ant
right here!
Did you bring
your red ant?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Found it this morning.
Here's your ant.
Okay, I'm done.
Wake me in 23 hours.
No, Helga. This is
the most exciting part.
It's their first encounter.
We've got to record
their reactions
in our Bioquare journals.
Look. The black ant
is observing its surroundings.
and inspecting the red ant.
How do you think
the red ant's reacting,
Helga?
I think the red ant
wants the black ant
to clam up
and quit bugging her.
No, look!
I think the black ant
is trying to get the red ant
to help it move
the blade of grass.
Well, if that black ant
knows what's good for him,
he'll go over to his corner
of the ant farm
and stay there,
because the red ant's getting
annoyed and hungry.
Helga, you have to see
what the black ant
just did.
Remember it moved
that grass before?
Now it's constructing
an entire
Arnold, get it through
your weird-shaped head,
I don't want to hear
about those stupid ants
or about the plants,
or any other
bio-nerd stuff.
Hey, the sun's going down.
Arnold, where are
the lights in this joint?
You know there
aren't any lights
in the Biosquare, Helga.
We've got the moon,
and the stars.
No lights?
I don't like that.
I do not like that
at all.
Stupid (GRUMBLING)
(LAUGHS)
Nice PJs, junior!
Get out of the way.
I gotta spit.
So do I.
Hey, watch it!
You know, Helga,
for a girl,
you're not very dainty.
Well, you're no
prince charming
yourself, bucko!
Stupid faucet!
Hey, fireman,
give me a hand here.
It'll be fine.
(SCOFFS) That's what
you're gonna sleep on?
That thin little
piece of nothing?
(SARCASTICALLY)
Ooh, looks really comfy!
At least I was
smart enough
to bring a huge,
luxurious, real bed.
(BED POPS, HISSES)
(GRUMBLES)
Good night, Helga.
(SNARLS)
(FAUCET DRIPPING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(YAWNS)
Morning. Want some?
Helga, no!
My potato!
My experiment!
What are you doing?
That's science, Helga!
No, it's breakfast,
Arnold.
I needed that potato.
I've been testing it
for weeks now.
(YAWNS)
I can't believe you.
And I can't believe
I'm stuck in a biozone
with the world's
biggest bio-nerd!
What are you doing?
I'm making a line
that you will not cross.
This is my side
and that is your side.
Helga, I'm the one
who should be mad.
You've wrecked my experiments,
you've eaten all the food
And stay on your own side.
I'll talk to you
in six hours. Maybe.
ARNOLD: Biosquare, hour 20.
Helga and I have been
uncomfortably silent
for the past two hours now.
I've been busy
making observations
Stop watching me
like I'm one of
your bone-headed experiments!
(GROWLS)
Oh, no!
The ants are gone!
Arnold, you're on my side.
We had an agreement.
Get out of here!
Hey, you already ate
one of the experiments!
I'm not letting
the ants get away!
Don't!
I'm sick of science.
And I'm sick of starving.
And that dripping,
dripping faucet.
(ANGRILY) And I'm sick
of being stuck
with you in this
bio-nerd bubble.
Hey, look, Arnold
and his friend are
dancing in the hothouse!
Oh, so that's what
they're doing!
Helga, get a hold
of yourself!
We have four more
hours to go!
(GROWLS)
I still want Biosquare
to be a success!
Face it, football head.
There's nothing either of us
can learn about cooperation
from being cooped up
in this bio-prison together.
And
I'm gonna stop
that annoying dripping
for the last time!
(GRUNTING)
Helga, no! Stop!
You're gonna break it!
(EXCLAIMS)
Now the kids are going
for a refreshing swim!
Those crazy kids.
(LAUGHS)
Turn it up?
Well, more water's just
gonna drown those plants.
Okay. It's your experiment.
(BLOWING HEAVILY)
No!
(GRUNTING)
(BOTH GASPING)
Are you all right?
I think so.
So, in conclusion,
I guess we did end up
learning something
from our science project.
The ants cooperated
and survived.
Yeah. Even though
the red ant thought
the black ant
was kind of a dweeb.
And even though the black ant
thought the red ant
had a bad attitude,
they helped each other
climb on the leaf
and float to safety.
Okay, kids.
Thanks for your report.
Next we'll hear, um
(BELL RINGS)
Oh, bell! Time's up.
The bell.
I heard the bell again.
Where's my Mister Nutty
candy bar?
Stinky,
the experiment's over.
No more Mr. Nutties.
This really bites!
I'm drooling for nothing.
Hey, anyone
got a candy bar?
I got a powerful hankering
for a candy bar.
(MUSIC PLAYING)