iCarly s02e19 Episode Script

Look at it.
Cute little choo-choo.
Go little choo-choo train.
Woo-woo.
Woo-woo.
And here comes the big rock.
And that proves once again That big rock beats choo-choo train.
Hard to beat the big rock.
It really is.
Okay.
Next on iCarly We're gonna show you a fun little video that we shot at school yesterday.
Oh, great.
I call this video, gullible Freddie.
Check this out.
Hey.
Why aren't you guys dressed like clowns? What do you mean? I got an email from school saying that today was clown day.
Didn't you guys get You guys sent me that email.
She made me.
Wait, is this on camera? Gibby, come here.
No.
Get away from me.
No.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
So funny.
Freddie Benson, people-- the most gullible boy in America.
I'm usually not gullible.
Dude, you're the easiest person to trick, ever.
Untrue.
All right.
I just wanna say, I feel really bad about tricking Freddie, which is why I'm giving him this $100 gift certificate to the cheesecake warehouse.
Seriously? Nope.
It's just lettuce.
Gotcha.
She made me do it.
Uh-huh.
In 5, 4, 3, 2 * I know, you see * * somehow the world * * will change for me * * and be so wonderful * * live life, breathe air * * I know somehow * * we're gonna get there * * and feel so wonderful * * it's all for real * * I'm telling you * * just how I feel * * so wake up the members * * of my nation * * it's your time to be * * there's no chance * * unless you take one * * and it's time to see * * the brighter side * * of every situation * * some things are meant to be * * so give your best * * and leave the rest to me * * leave it all to me * * (Leave it all to me) * * leave it all to me * * just leave it all to me * You're making too big a deal outta this.
You don't understand.
I totally understand.
Can I come stay at your house? Sam, it's not that big of a deal.
What were you guys talking about? UhNothin'Just The middle east.
Lot of tension there.
Tough situation.
Come on, what were you guys talking about? Can't you just tell him? No.
He's gonna find out some time.
Okay, fine, whatever.
My sister's comin' home for a few days and I'm peeved off about it, okay? It's just three days.
You can deal with it.
Okay, wait a minute.
Sam's sister? Yeah, Melanie.
You don't have a sister.
Yes, she does.
Well, then how come I've never heard of her? 'Cause Sam hates to talk about her.
She goes to a fancy boarding school, on a scholarship, she gets perfect grades, never gets in trouble, always has clean hair.
She makes me sick.
Oh, come on, she's sweet.
Oh, will you guys just stop it? What? What do you mean? I'm not that gullible.
I know Sam doesn't have a sister.
Yeah I do.
I've been to your house.
How come I've never seen a picture of this sister? You have.
You just didn't know it was Melanie 'cause we look identical.
They're twins.
Oh, twins.
Twins.
Right.
You know, I have an uncle who's an avocado.
Yeah, we call him uncle green mush.
We're telling you the truth.
I ain't fallin' for it.
Who cares what he thinks? Let's go.
People care what I think.
No, they don't.
Yes, sir.
Look who's back, me.
How was the market? Cool.
Your pork roast.
Um, I asked for an orange.
You didn't say pork roast? No.
Who was I talking to? What kinda homework you doin'? I'm not.
I'm tutoring a kid who lives in our building.
Oh, that's so nice of you.
Well, his dad is paying me.
Good, 'cause you owe me 24 bucks for the pork roast.
Stop.
Stop it.
Hey.
The soap in your bathroom smells awesome.
Him? You're tutoring him? Yeah, that's Chuck.
I know that's Chuck.
Chuck is evil.
Spencer.
He's my arch-nemesis.
Once, he tried to hit me with a racquetball racquet, and then he tried to smack me around, and then another time he locked me in the basement and squirted me with a suspicious liquid.
Suspicious liquid? I never did that stuff.
Just back up.
What's the matter with you? You've let my enemy penetrate my inner sanctum.
He's a nice kid.
No.
He's gonna do bad things to me.
You need to go take a hot bath or something.
Bath? Sorry, Chuck.
Where were we? Nine hundred divided by 12.
Right, and the answer is Seventy-five? Perfect.
Yay, I'm learning.
Okay, let's check out your homework assignment for tomorrow.
Carly.
What? The male elephant offers the female elephant a peanut.
What are we watching? Elephant love.
Hey.
Can I borrow a scissors? Don't you have a scissors? No.
My mom says they're too dangerous to keep around the house.
We've got a scissors in the kitchen drawer.
Can you handle 'em? I think I can.
Come with me.
Yeah? Carly, it's Melanie.
Oh hey, Melanie, come on up.
That Sam's sister? Oh come on.
They got you in on it, too? In on what? Guys, I'm not fallin' for it.
I know Sam doesn't have a twin sister.
She does too.
No, she-- is that a new necklace? Yeah, you like it? Can you return it? No.
It's nice.
Hi.
Hey, Melanie.
Oh, gimme a break.
Wow, I don't think I've seen you since the seventh grade.
I know.
Hi, Spencer.
Hey kid.
Okay, this is the stupidest thing ever.
Oh my gosh, you're Freddie.
I recognize you from iCarly.
Oh, shut up.
Huh? I'm confused.
Really? Sam? He thinks Sam's messin' with him about having a twin sister.
Oh.
I don't blame you.
It is the kinda thing Sam would do.
You know, one time she tried to convince me I was adopted? Uh-huh.
And isn't it convenient that Sam isn't here right now? She should be here.
It's almost eight.
Well, let's just go.
I'll text Sam and have her meet us at the movie.
Perfect.
Wonderful.
Bravo.
Very believable performance, Carly and Sam.
Freddie, I'm really Melanie.
Duh-huh.
Later.
Nice meeting you.
Uh, okay.
How can they think I'm that gullible? Clown day? That email looked really real.
Don't feel bad.
When I was a kid at sleep-away camp, my friends tricked me into thinking it was naked day.
You ever play dodgeball naked? No.
Don't ever do it.
I won't 'Cause-- I get it.
Yeah.
Hey, dish rag.
Impressive.
What, you changed your clothes and hair in the lobby, then took the main elevator back up here? What are you yappin' on about now? Wait.
Ah, I gotta go meet Carly and Melanie at the Omniplex.
Okay.
Well, you better hurry.
You don't wanna keep yourself waiting.
Oh.
Freddie.
They're just scissors.
Chuck.
Hello.
Ah! All right, you little gremlin.
You are in major trouble for this.
Carly! Oh, why did I taste it? Hey.
Oh, hi.
Fred-a-cheenie.
So, are you Sam right now or Melanie? I don't know, does this hurt? Yeah, it hurt.
Then I'm Sam.
I thought you had detention today.
I do.
She snuck out.
Won't miss Briggs know you ditched? Nah, she only comes for the first five minutes, then she leaves to go make out with mister Howard in the teachers' lounge.
Oh, people over 30 really should not make out.
No.
That's wrong.
Whose smoothie? Melanie's.
Oh.
So this is Melanie's smoothie? Then where is mythical Melanie? In the bathroom.
Even twins have to go sometimes.
Yeah, what's up? Well, then maybe I'll just wait here till Melanie comes out of the bathroom.
Aw, man.
What's wrong? Briggs came back to detention and saw I ditched.
Uh, just tell her I had to puke.
I'll be back there in five minutes.
Don't you have to wait for Melanie? Tell her I'll meet her later at home.
Wait, you didn't pay for your smoothie.
I didn't finish it.
She did finish it.
Would the gentleman care for a pickle? Uh, no, I don't want a pickle.
Why? You afraid of pickles? Scared to take a walk on the pickle side of town? No.
I just think that pickles and smoothies don't really go together.
Oh.
Well, pardon me for thinkin' that all foods and beverages could get along.
Hey, Freddie.
Where's Sam? Oh, she had to go back to detention.
Yes.
And isn't it interesting how Sam had to leave right before you showed up here? Is he still on this? Uh-huh.
I will say it's impressive that you changed your clothes and hair so fast.
Freddie, I'm really Melanie.
I'm really Sam's sister.
Oh, are you? I am.
Anyway, I gotta go meet my mom at the clinic.
Wait.
Since you're Melanie, how would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday night? Oh.
Well, that'd be really cool.
I'd love to.
Oh, you--really? Sure.
Okay then.
Okay.
Bye.
Wow, that came out of nowhere.
Yep.
'Cause I'm a genius.
Huh? Sam would rather chew broken glass than go on a date with me for a whole Saturday night.
No way she's going through with this.
You asked Melanie.
Okay.
You can pretend I'm goin' on a date with Melanie, but I know I've got a date with Sam.
What? I've got a date with Sam.
You wanna buy a pickle? No! Next, I Subtract 26 from 700.
Hey.
Tutoring.
This will just take a sec.
Which sweater do you think Sam would hate the most? The stripes.
Why? Then I'm wearin' the stripes on my date with her.
You're going out with Melanie not Sam.
Hey, when I get older, maybe I could go on a date with you.
Oh, Chuck.
Don't waste your time, kid.
I've been barkin' up that tree since sixth grade.
Oh! What happened? You wanna know what happened? That little pimple filled my motorcycle helmet with chunky red goo.
Eww! What is that? I wish I knew.
Don't taste it.
Right.
It's so gross.
Want me to get you a paper towel? Aw.
Don't go "aw!" He did this! I did not.
Stop picking on him.
Just use your other helmet.
You and Sam took my other helmet to use for some iCarly thing.
Then I'll go get it.
You need to calm down and take a bubble bath or something.
You know bathing isn't the answer to everything.
All right, Chuck.
Now you listen to me.
I know what you are.
You may have Carly fooled, but I know exactly what you-- here's your other helm-- why are you on the floor? Maybe he had a stroke.
Come with me.
I'm not finished tutoring Chuck.
This will just take a second.
Spencer.
Don't protest.
Spencer! Just come on! I have to finish my tutoring session with Chuck.
Shh.
Look at this.
Whose laptop is that? Socko's.
He lent it to me with some special software and a couple of teeny little secret video cameras.
Okay, I really don't have time to-- watch this.
Take a look at what happened downstairs two minutes ago.
I don't want to.
Just watch it! Okay.
That hurts.
That lying little beast.
You see? He grabbed me, pulled me over the couch and then wailed on me.
I know.
You gotta start working out.
That's not the point.
Now you know I was right.
He's evil and I want revenge.
No.
I know how to get him back.
Trust me.
Okay.
You do have to start working out.
Stop squishing it.
Hey, Chuck, sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh, it's okay.
I Drew you a flower.
Aw.
You are so sweet.
Anyway, since you've got your big test on Monday, we should go over the new international math laws that were just passed by the u.
N.
International math laws? Uh-huh.
They made some changes, so we gotta make sure you understand all the new rules.
Now, the biggest news is, they've created a new number.
A new number? Yep, between five and six.
It's called derf.
Derf.
Right.
And it looks like this.
Huh.
That's a derf.
See? Oh.
So, now, it goes: I think so.
Good.
And so then it goes: Derfteen? Wow.
You catch on fast.
Thanks.
So, if we take 12, and multiply that by 81, and then divide it by two, we get Four hundred and derfty-seven? Awesome.
Hey.
All right.
Excuse me.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh.
Okay.
Okay, I'm gonna--okay.
Okay.
Here we go.
You get thirsty on the way here? Sorta.
So, Melanie, you look pretty hot tonight.
Thanks.
I love your shirt.
No, you don't.
Carly said you hate stripes.
Sam hates stripes.
How long are you gonna keep this up? Just admit you're Sam and we can leave.
I would.
Ow.
But I'm not Sam.
Okay.
If you're not Sam, then I guess you wouldn't mind if I held your hand.
I don't mind at all.
I think you're really cute.
How can you say that without vomiting? What? All right.
If you're not Sam, I suppose you wouldn't mind dancing with me.
I'd love to.
This is a slow dance, you know.
I know.
We'll have to dance together, pressed against each other.
Yeah, let's go.
* I think I don't exist * I can't believe you're doing this.
Why? I like you.
You hate me, you always have.
Maybe Sam hates you.
You are Sam.
Really? Would Sam do this? You swore we'd never do that again.
I didn't swear anything.
Freddie.
You know what's a stupid letter? Q? Yeah.
Why do I hate q so much? 'Cause it's so obviously just an o, tryin' to be all fancy with its pointless little tail.
Q's pathetic.
Hey, could one of you guys get that? I'm sculpturing.
Sure.
Oh.
Hi, Mr.
chambers.
Chuck.
Uggh.
Stripes.
Carly, I just wanna let you know that we're not gonna continue with the tutoring.
Chuck failed his math test.
Oh, no.
It's not your fault.
He made up some fake number called derf.
Derf? I learned it from you.
Okay, that does it, Chuck.
If you're gonna blame Carly for your failure, I'm gonna ground you for three weeks.
Dad! Mr.
chambers, you know, I also had trouble with math when I was a boy.
So my dad sent me to math camp for the whole summer.
Math camp? Math camp? Yes.
Here's a brochure.
Ooh, camp Addemup.
This looks perfect.
Enjoy your summer, Chuck.
Yeah.
Chuck.
Let's go, son.
That was fun.
I'm gonna go take a victory bath.
Shave your toes.
No.
Where were we? Hittin' a balloon, hatin' q.
Right.
Hey.
Here's your--oh.
You're here.
Yeah, like seein' your face freshens up my day.
You sure seemed to like my face last night, when you had your lips all over it.
That wasn't me, dipthong.
You and Melanie kissed? Man, how long are you two gonna keep tryin' to trick me with the whole Melanie thing? I told you, I'm not that gullible.
I know there's no Melanie.
Yes there-- whoa.
Let's just stop.
It didn't work.
It didn't? Okay.
You won.
We tried to trick you, but we couldn't pull it off.
Ha.
Then admit there's no Melanie, and that I'm not gullible, and that I'm too smart for you.
There's no Melanie, you're not gullible, and you're too smart for me.
That's right.
In your face, Puckett! Bye, ladies.
He loves to be right.
All boys do.
Totally.
Hey.
We go to the mall? Let's hit it.
Yep.
How could you make out with Freddie? He's adorable.
I can't believe you two are sisters.
Me either.
Hi, I'm Sierra.
And I'm gonna make my brother, Jack, disappear.
Tada.
All right, all right.
I'll bring him back.
I hate you when you do that.