Kickin' It (2011) s02e19 Episode Script

Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Jack.
- Hey, Jack.
- How was your family reunion? - Good.
What's going on? Guys.
Stop.
Hey, stop! Talk to me, Lincoln.
Well It all started when Jerry got his new locker.
Dude, I can't believe you got locker 138.
This is where the prettiest girls in school have their lockers.
I know, dude.
Yo.
Hello, neighbor.
Care to step into club Jerry? I've never been rejected by a girl that pretty.
I have a feeling there's a lot more of that coming.
Our school President, Frank, kicked me off the bus today so I had to walk to school.
I got my first tardy.
Oh, awesome.
Tardy party after school.
I'll probably be a little late.
Huh? No, no, no! Frank just had his black dragon goons confiscate my locker.
Well, apparently as President you can do whatever you want.
If you don't like it, guys, the school election's in four days.
Run against him.
Gotta go.
I'll see you guys when I get back from my trip.
- All right, see you, Jack.
- Have fun, man.
Take it easy.
Man, can you believe this? Just came to check out my new address.
Best in school.
I don't know who that is, but there's some skinny dude dancing in my locker.
- Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
For too long we have lived in Frank's shadow of fear.
I say we need change.
That's why I'm running for President because I'm not afraid.
I'm also not afraid because Frank's at an orthodontist appointment.
I have some sweet number two pencils with my name on them.
Come and get 'em.
Oh, remain calm, people.
There's one for everybody.
- Nice.
Free pencil.
- Yeah.
You got my vote.
I'm Jerry.
Running for President.
Free pizza! Oh, whoa! Gah! Nice.
Free pizza.
You got my vote.
Jerry, you can't run for President.
I'm running for President.
Ooh.
This is awkward.
See? Well, dude, how do you expect to win if your pencil's not even number one.
Surely the good citizens of Seaford High will not let their vote be swayed by a mere slice of pizza.
Oh, no, no.
It's not just pizza.
I got fro-yo, too.
Whoa! Gah! Pencils, pizza Fro-yo? I love politics! You are looking at the man who's been asked to direct, "Romeo and Juliet" at the Seaford community theater.
Kim, would you like to be my assistant Director? Absolutely! I love the theater.
Excellent.
Your duties will be important and vast.
One day you might be picking up Brad Pitt from the airport.
The next, you will be washing my socks.
May I present the next President of Seaford High, Milton Krupnick! What's with the suit? As his campaign manager, I'm giving him a presidential makeover.
Julie loaned me her grandfather's suit.
Don't you think it makes me look like Abraham Lincoln? Yes, and smell like muscle rub and sardines.
Well, Milton, I didn't plan on running against you, but I don't start something without finishing it.
And I've got a campaign manager, too.
Kim.
I'm busy with the play.
- Milton.
- I'm running against you.
- Oh, Rudy.
- I'm 30 years old.
Eddie.
I did not see this coming.
I'm in! And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Is this where you're holding the auditions? Uh, I'm sorry, Ma'am.
I don't think you're right for the part.
Oh, no.
Then how about Me! I fooled you.
And do you know why? Because you're a rich, eccentric nutcase? Well, yes.
But also because I am a great actor! "What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun".
Well - I'm your boss.
- You're in! Huzzah! All we need now is a Juliet.
You parked your peacock in a loading zone.
Again.
- You ride a peacock? - It's giant.
Every time you show up, you make a scene, and I'm getting pretty sick of it.
Oh, good Lord.
So real, so honest.
So full of verve.
Oh.
I'm stupid with verve.
You must be my leading lady.
Whoa.
Excuse me.
I am the Director of this play and I will say who Juliet is.
I'm your boss.
We have found our Juliet! Huzzah! And in conclusion, this is what will happen if you don't vote for me.
Thank you.
Okay.
And now for the candidate who I am in no way partial to.
Milton, my cuddle bunny, Krupnick.
Friends! The last time you voted for Frank, you did it so you wouldn't get beaten up.
But he beat you up anyway.
I say the dark days of fear are over! And the dawn of change is upon us.
You think I can do this? Yeah, just read the speech I wrote for you.
Good job.
Uh, thank you.
Dude, this is your mother's shopping list.
Just make it work.
Oh okay.
Potatoes Orange juice, light bulbs, and eggs.
Uh Cream cheese, low fat and whipped.
Uh And in conclusion, I'd like to say Non-sheer pantyhose! Yeah! Woo! Good job! Yeah! Woo! Milton doesn't shower after gym class.
We've got big problems.
I read most of "Romeo and Juliet," and this Shakespeare guy is a hack.
But if I make some changes I can save this show.
Do you really want to change it? I mean, it's a classic.
A classic snooze fest.
Rudy, I was just at lunch and I heard that the theater critic from the Seaford Herald, Vic Deblaze, is coming to our play! Oh, no.
He hates everything.
Oh, Rudy, calm down.
You're just panicking.
No, I'm not.
His last review of the ballet said the lead stumbled around the stage like a dying pelican.
- Really? - Yeah! And that was his 8 year-old daughter.
We got work to do, people! How could this happen? There was nothing I could do once Jerry told everyone that you don't shower after gym class.
Don't Judge me.
That water is ice cold, and there are boys in there.
I can't believe Jerry's gonna win this thing.
That backstabbing blabbermouth.
You know how much trouble you're in if you win this thing? First of all, you're gonna need to Speak to my campaign manager.
Ewe! What's that smell? Showerless, not powerless.
Showerless, not powerless.
Showerless, not powerless.
Showerless, not powerless.
Milton, look! It's the other kids who don't shower after gym.
They're voting for you.
I don't believe it.
Milton, the polls are closed.
You won! Ah! Because of you, we have overcome locker room ridicule.
Come to me, you unwashed masses.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not so close.
Back up.
Kickin' it with you! Krupnick! When you step off the school grounds, you're gonna get it.
Uh You know really? The thing is that, uh This pen? It's a spy camera.
Yeah.
Jack's always watching.
Hey, Jack.
Just talking to Milton, our beloved new President.
I hate pens that watch me.
There he is.
El Presidente.
Saw you kicked the Black Dragons out of locker 138.
Come on, give me some.
You're not getting the locker, Jerry.
You betrayed me.
Took my secret and used it to embarrass me in front of the whole school.
We're done.
What? Who's gonna move into 138? I'll give you a hint.
You know, Rudy, do you really think you should have made all these changes to "Romeo and Juliet"? Trust me, if Shakespeare were alive today, these are exactly the kinds of changes he would have made.
All right! Lower the old woman into the Cannon and wait for my command.
And you.
Put those Lemurs next to the Cougar.
We're gonna need more Lemurs.
All right! From the top, people.
"Romeo, oh, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" I art saving the Universe, baby.
Die, alien slime! My space laser is jammed again.
I can't work like this, Rudy.
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Why is Romeo shooting me? Because you're an evil alien clone, duh.
We've been over this, people.
Fine.
By the way, did you know that Bobby's name is above mine on the marquee? About that, did you know her name is on the marquee? Hey! You guys, knock it off! This isn't about marquees, or aliens and special effects.
This is community theater.
It's about community.
I mean, we have to believe in each other and the material, Rudy.
Maybe she's right.
You know what I say? Forget Vic Deblaze.
We will do this play the way it was meant to be done.
We will use our raw talent to bring this show to life.
And we will set the theatrical world on fire.
On fire! Okay, people.
That's a five.
Oh, great.
You're stuck on cleaning detail, too? This is the worst form of detention.
What'd you do? Got caught trying to get to first base with the CPR doll in the health office.
Nice.
How about you? Got caught trying to get to first base with the statue of Amelia Earhart in the library.
Nice.
Yeah, Milton ratted me out.
Since he became President he thinks he's so much better than everyone else.
He's even got VIP seating at the Seaford community theater for Rudy's play tonight.
I saw "Man Of La Mancha" there.
It was to die for.
I guess if Milton's seeing it, Jack's seeing it, too.
Wait, what are you talking about? Milton's got this James Bond pen in his front pocket.
Jack's watching over him 24-7.
What? Dude, he's got no spy pen.
He just told you that so you'd think Jack's protecting him.
No, Jack's at his family reunion in Colorado.
So you're telling me Jack's five states away? And Milton's going to be off school grounds where I'm free to pummel him? Well, yeah.
That's exactly what I'm say Oh, really, Jerry? Really? Looks like I've got a play to catch.
Let me out! Somebody! Jerry? I was in the music room when I heard what sounded like a little girl crying.
It was probably because she was really, really scared.
And didn't know if she was ever gonna see her mommy again.
But she's all right now.
Come on, Eddie.
We got a President to save.
A night at the theater is exactly the flame that will kindle my spirits.
Uh-huh.
Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow.
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Oh, thanks a lot, Kim.
"Romeo doesn't need to be an alien hunter".
Deblaze is out there in a coma.
Well, he ain't the only one.
Juliet.
Juliet.
Juliet! Poke her with your sword.
There he is! Let's get him.
Ow.
Ow, stop poking me.
You can't act when you're asleep.
You can't act when you're awake.
Oh, that's it.
Juliet is also a security guard? I didn't see that coming.
You love him.
Stop trying to beat him senseless.
Get this maniac off my face! I'm trying! Come on, Bobby.
Let go of Joan! - What are you two doing here? - We gotta save Milton.
Frank's on his way down here to beat him up.
Oh, we might be too late! Holy Hannah! They're gonna get Lincoln! Oh! Ha ha! I probably shouldn't have done that.
Quick.
Get out of here.
Mary Todd, save yourself! Whoa! Milton! Aah! Mary Todd! Juliet, save thouself! I shan't leave you to die, Romeo.
I don't think I'd die.
Probably just pull a hammie, you know.
Whoa! Oh! Oh, no, you don't.
Bravo! Bravo! Rudy! I loved it.
In fact, I'm coming back to see it tomorrow.
Don't change a thing.
Ha ha! You got it, Vic.
Okay, so now all this makes sense Except for one thing.
Eddie, why are you dressed like a mattress? Oh, I've got to get going.
I've got a job handing out fliers for Ned's Beds.
Later.
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.
See you, Eddie.
Look, man.
I owe you an apology.
I shouldn't have used your locker room secret against you.
Well what matters is that you were there when I was about to be attacked.
Thanks.
- What's this? - It's a presidential decree.
Locker 138 will be yours till the day you graduate.
Dude, these next 10 years are gonna be awesome! Woo! Kickin' it with you! All right, come on out, Bobby.
Now, Bobby, I'm giving you a very big break by letting you be in this play.
And I'm not gonna let you down, pilgrim.
Now, don't think of yourself as a cowboy on a horse.
Think of yourself as a cowboy on a horse On a trampoline.
Now bounce, Bobby, bounce! You got it, Rudy.
Jump, Sapphire.
Jump! Higher.
Higher.
Higher! Too high.
Kim, could you get Bobby and the horse out of the ceiling? I have a lunch.