Mad About You s02e19 Episode Script

- What? - I was just thinking how much I love you.
Good.
- Hey, look at you.
Keep writing.
- It's okay, I was about to take a break.
- So it went better today? - Much, but it's still really rough.
"Graduate writing workshop sample submission by JS Buchman.
" - That's all I got.
- You know what? I like it.
I like what you've got.
The JS, that's cool.
It's very writerly.
JD Salinger, Pearl S.
Buck.
I mean, "Pearl" isn't exactly an initial, but Did you notice the bookshelves? I arranged them by color.
Good.
This will make it easier if we want to read something that's, say, orange.
You were wrong, by the way, everybody liked this sweater.
I missed you today.
Did you miss me? Yes.
You were definitely missed.
Excuse me.
You don't think I know what this is? I'm just another cheap excuse for you not to write.
Murray, I will kiss you in a minute.
Wait your turn.
His feet are all wet.
Look at all these doggy footprints.
It's like Grauman's Chinese Theater.
- What happened? - Either Timmy is in the well Oh, my God, there's a flood! - Honey, do something.
- What do you propose I do? - Lf I knew, I would do it.
- Why get snippy? I'm not snippy, I'm wet.
Will you get some towels? Wait, use the ones your mother gave us.
- Nice.
- Would you do something? You've got one of the old ones here.
It's been around since the beginning.
If this toilet could talk.
Let's all be thankful.
Did you two see Mrs.
Wicker on her Nyquil commercial? That was her! You owe me $5.
She gets stopped all the time.
She beat out Estelle Getty for that part.
We're distracting Mr.
Wicker.
- No, you're not.
- No, we're not.
- But you've got writing to write - What have you got stuck back here? - I wouldn't leave that here.
- That's not ours.
What is it? Can I use your phone? See what's happening? We're losing him now.
We're not losing him.
Oh, we have to throw these out.
Darn.
What do we do now? What? Honey, he's getting his toolbox.
- Where you going? - Emergency in 3B.
- What is this, a picnic? - Look - I'll be back soon.
- Soon? "Soon" is when? Soon! Now, suddenly, I have to pee.
Honey, use the sink.
- I'm not using the sink.
- Why not? Because I once had a very bad experience with that.
I don't really want to discuss it.
Oh, darn.
See, that's snippy.
That's not snippy.
These are letters he found behind the toilet.
To us? - Letters to us behind the toilet? - Yeah, it must be the other family.
I really gotta go in the worst way.
- I'm gonna use the toilet.
- No, don't use the toilet.
- Try beeping him.
- I beeped him.
The man is un-beepable.
- I'll go find him.
- Wait, I'm coming with you.
- You got writing to do.
- Now that's snippy.
- That's supportive.
- With a little snip in it.
- These are amazing.
- I can't believe you don't have to go.
From a couple who must have lived here like 50 years ago.
I tell you, you're like a camel.
June 12th, 1943.
This girl Millie is waiting in our apartment for her sweetheart overseas.
- Who is it? - 11 D, upstairs.
The Buchmans.
- Hi, we're looking for Mr.
Wicker.
- He was here.
- He's not here anymore? - Nope.
The story of my life.
I'm sorry.
It's just this guy.
- What are they all afraid of? - I don't know.
- I swear to God, it is not worth it.
- It is.
It really is.
You think? - You know anybody? - What about Ira? - Who's Ira? - He's in prison.
Is he funny? Did Mr.
Wicker say where he was going next? - Millie got a job at Schrafft's.
- I really gotta pee.
She's saving up to buy them a new Victrola.
It's a record player.
- I know.
- You didn't know "valise.
" I knew "valise.
" Just a minute! If Wicker is in there, I don't want to know about this.
- Yeah? - Hi.
We were told Mr.
Wicker was here.
Oh! He was.
He's gone.
- Could you tell us where Mr.
Wicker is? - Who? It's like talking to a gland.
Could I use? God, this is just so us! This guy is trying to sleep? I'm reading this and it's like we wrote them in another time.
So this would be a time, I guess, when you actually wrote.
That was snippy.
I see that now.
- Tell me, how is this like us? - In every way.
They love each other.
She has issues with his mother.
He is just you, in every way.
- In what way? - In tons of ways.
Except that he seems to accept what she says without question.
Let me see this.
"They're shipping us out tonight.
I can't tell you where I'm going.
It doesn't really matter.
All I can think about is what I'm leaving behind and what I pray I will come home to someday.
" It's like what you said to me when you went to Jersey for the weekend.
Exactly.
"Last night your mother had me for dinner, literally.
Over soup, she had me convinced I was responsible for the fall of Poland.
" "After three months, at last, civilization.
Some of the guys went out and got plowed.
Sgt.
Cope, the one I told you about, went shopping.
" "The new janitor started today.
His name is Bill Wicker.
He's very handy.
He started to fix the radiator but he had to leave.
" "They've been shelling us since dawn, but all I can think about is our last night when we danced until the neighbors complained and you fell asleep in my arms.
" How could anybody dance in this apartment? The floor's all slanty.
- It's not slanty.
- All right.
"I'm sitting in our apartment, counting the minutes until we can dance here again.
" "I'm sending you this dirt.
It is real honest-to-God ditch dirt.
If you stand on it, at least we'll know that we are on the same earth.
How about the next time we dance in that apartment, it's as man and wife? What do you say?" What did she say? That's it.
There aren't any more.
These Nazis are so obnoxious.
This is the fourth message I'm leaving.
Mr.
Wicker, it's the Buchmans.
I'm begging you.
He's here.
- Don't get snippy with him.
- I save all my snips for you.
- It's not him.
- Not who? - Our toilet is broken.
- Really? No, it's a big rumor I'm spreading.
All of a sudden I gotta go.
Use the sink.
He's not using the sink.
I don't use the sink, he ain't using the sink.
- We met a very nice girl in 3B.
- Does she have a toilet? - Probably.
- Forget about her.
- She's a little needy.
- How needy? All right, ready? Marcia-from-the-bookstore needy.
- Who is Marcia? - She was before us.
- Do you want me to fix the toilet? - There's a toolbox in the kitchen.
- It's not doable.
I tried.
- You ain't me.
What about a story about the people in this building? That's good.
Like what? Like that girl, or this couple in these letters, or us, how we're all - How we're all looking for the super? - Whatever.
- Good.
Start writing.
- I am.
All right.
- Hey, what did you do in there? - She said I could.
The bathroom sink! - We have to move now.
- I know.
- Hey, where did you go? - I stopped at Tower.
- Is that girl there with the shoulders? - They moved her to classical.
Dancing Through WWII.
You are really getting into this.
Do you want to lindy later? It's a dance.
- Maybe I knew, maybe I didn't know.
- So guess what.
- Wicker showed up? - No, I finished my story.
Good for you! - You guys want the usual? - Sure, why not? - And that would be what? - Cheeseburger.
Chef salad.
- Medium-rare? - Fine.
That's the burger.
- So can I read it? - Are you gonna like it? - Sure.
- How do I know? Because you wrote it.
I'm gonna like it.
Are you gonna like it because I wrote it? I'm gonna like it because it's good.
If you don't like it, are you going to tell me? All right.
- Okay.
- What did I say? I said, "mmm.
" It's good.
It was a good mmm.
It's the best mmm there is.
Wait a second You really think they got together after the war? Yes, I think they got married, danced in the apartment, everything.
You don't? No, I think the guy Leo ended up with the French girl.
- What French girl? - The one in the market.
She sold him some fruit.
Many a man has been swept off his feet by a lady with a nice nectarine.
- Where do you get that? - In three letters he mentions the market.
Do I have to spell it out? - You don't know Leo.
- I am Leo.
How could I not know him? - I see what's happening.
- What's happening? I understand.
You'd just go off and fight this big war and leave me behind and stay in France and eat fruit.
Is that what you want? I just want to use the bathroom.
You want to come? I don't have to go.
Sponge-woman, that's who you are.
- Did you forget to lock the door? - No, did you? Either A: We've got burglars, or B - Hello, Buchman.
- Hallelujah! - I'm almost done.
You're gonna love it.
- I hope so, because I'm sorry, I really am.
My wife was up for a Cleo award last night.
- Oh, how did she do? - Well, it's an honor just to be nominated.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
The couple who lived here before us, do we remind you of them in any way? I never thought of it before, but now that you mention it, no.
- What were they like? - They were a sweet couple.
He was a chiropractor.
The other one, he was - "He"? It was a he and a he? - A he and a he.
Are you sure we're talking about the same people? That can't be the guys.
That's Millie.
- That's got to be the Bartons.
- Bartons? So he did come back to her.
- Nectarine! - Very nice people.
They've got a house in Patchogue now.
There's my beeper.
I've gotta go - Go finish in here first.
- Yes, please.
- They live in Patchogue.
It's not that far.
- Lf you live in Quogue.
- It's right near Patchogue.
- We should bring these to her.
- I know she'd want to have them.
- So why do we have to go out there? They're so much like us.
Don't you want to see how it ends? They're not so much like us.
You can end it any way you want to end it.
- Leo would go.
- Leo did go.
He's in Patchogue.
I'm talking about the Leo who traded his cigarettes for a broken-down bike and pedaled all over bombed roads just to give her a card on Valentine's Day.
And you're saying what, I don't do that kind of stuff? How can they make a whole train without one bathroom? Hello? Is anybody home? - There's somebody in the house.
- Did you forget to lock the door again? - Millie? - Yes.
I'm sorry.
Wow! - Bill Wicker gave us your address.
- Come in.
I'm Jamie Buchman.
This is my husband, Paul.
I've got to say you look exactly like in our heads.
- Who is it? - It's the Buchmans.
Okay.
- We live in your old apartment.
- On 12th Street? - Yes.
- Please, come on in.
Sit down.
This is our first time in Patchogue.
I think you've done a great job with it.
- The Wickers send their best.
- It's funny, I thought I saw her on TV kissing a Nyquil bottle? - That's her.
I knew it.
You owe me $5! - What can I do for you? - It's odd.
We feel like we already know you.
- We found your letters.
- My letters? - Yes.
- You did? - What's a six-letter word for suitcase? - Valise! - These are the Buchmans.
- I heard.
Who are they? - I'm not really sure.
- We live in your old apartment.
- Two guys lived in our old apartment.
- They moved.
Why don't you go visit them? - We read your letters.
- You read our letters? - They were behind our toilet.
- What are they talking about? - Show them.
- I don't remember any letters.
But you have to.
- Look, I'm sorry.
They're not ours.
- Let me see.
They're not ours.
- You're the Bartons, right? You're Millie.
- Hold it.
What are you guys up to? What do you mean? I saw this on Diane Sawyer.
The next thing they'll be asking us for money.
- No, we don't want any money! - She said you'd say that.
- We don't even like Diane Sawyer.
- It's the other one we don't like.
I think you better go.
You must remember.
The bombed-out roads? The dirt? Fifi and the nectarine? Please? I'm sorry.
So am I.
I didn't even have to go.
I just did because I could.
- Are you okay? - I just don't get it.
- Why would she say these weren't hers? - Maybe she forgot.
It's been a long time.
- Not that long.
- Yeah, but people forget.
Remember that time we couldn't remember where we parked the car? What am I going to do with you? If that's across the hall about the stereo, I ain't turning it down.
I don't care.
You back me up.
- May I come in? - Of course.
Please, yes.
Our house is your house.
Literally.
My God, this feels very weird.
I never thought I'd be back.
I see they still haven't fixed this.
- Where did that building come from? - Somebody just left it there.
- We lived here close to 30 years.
- May I ask you one question? Which way did you face the couch? I tried it here.
I tried it over by the window.
I did everything but turn it on its side.
This is nice, though.
This is good.
Thank you.
Yes, they're mine.
- I thought maybe they were.
- I told her, she didn't believe me.
They'd be better off behind your toilet.
All I need is for Manny to find them.
- Manny would be who? - You met Manny this afternoon.
- My husband.
- It wasn't? Leo? No, no.
My Leo never came back.
I lost him in the war.
- Well, there's a conversation stopper.
- I'm so sorry.
Manny was Leo's cousin and they were very close.
After we got the news, we just sort of took care of each other.
Anyhow, if I'm going to catch my train, I'd better be going.
My God, I married Ira! - It was very nice to meet you.
- You two take care of each other.
- Don't let him go off to battle.
- Don't worry.
My God I played that over and over on my old Victrola.
That's like a record player.
Go dance with her! Thank you both very much.
Would you like to have that dance? - Mrs.
Wicker had no formal training? - None.
Amazing! - She is a natural.
- Shh! Here she comes.
- Is she wonderful, or what? - She's amazing!