Packed to the Rafters (2008) s02e19 Episode Script
A Small, Traditional Affair
(THEME MUSIC) (DOG BARKS) BEN: There's no such thing as a small wedding and no matter how hard you try to keep it simple Mum, I told you I'm not having a hens' party.
there's still the pressure to be perfect.
Because.
.
.
you know why! And that includes writing your vows.
Who cares about tradition? We know where it got me last time.
There's that word - 'tradition'.
(SIGHS) Look, change of subject - have you sorted somewhere to stay? (BOTH MOUTH INAUDIBLY) 'Cause you know there's no room here.
OK'? How are the vows progressing? So far I've got, âWhen asked, say 'I do'.
" (SCOFFS) Darling, why don't you ask Mel for some help? No way! Why do you think I'm here? I don't want her to get a hint of how tough this is for me.
OK.
It was just a suggestion.
No need to bite my head off.
I'm sorry.
it's justit's a huge deal, mega commitment, forever.
What - you're only just figuring that one out? No! Of course not.
It's just it all suddenly feels bigger than me and Mel saying âI do I just want it to be perfect.
Darling, you've still got a week.
I'm sure, as soon as you stop staring at that pad, inspiration will hit.
Hey, Benno! Mrs Rafter.
Hey.
I got a question for you.
What comes before part B? Huh? What comes before part B? PART-AY! Whoo! Yo! Yo! Hello, ladies! Lookin' good! Hey, Warney! Hey, come on, mate! Beautiful! Come back later! Ahh! If you didn't invite Warney, who did? It must have been your dad, mate.
You sure you don't want me to get rid of him? He's already customised his own T-shirt.
Please tell me we're gonna stop and eat something soon.
Where's your stamina, Mr Rafter? OTHERS: (CHANT) Soft! Soft! Soft! Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm pacing myself.
My liver's not as young as it used to be.
(GABBLES) (LAUGHS) Argh! Struth.
How do you turn him off'? (LAUGHS) CARBO: Hey, guys, look, we're here.
Here's where Ben's Big Buck's Party starts now! BEN: Yeah! WARNEY: Yee-ha! Waiting inside is a Bavarian beer and sausage extravaganza - all you can eat.
Is this one of those places that you have to wear a plastic bib? Been here before, Natho? Ah! Classy, Carbo! This is gonna be awesome! Think this is awesome? Wait till you see what's coming next! (NOSE SQUEAKS) I think I've got some sort of idea! Whoo! Hey, did you invite Warney? No.
I thought you did.
(CHUCKLES) Nah.
Ye-he-hey! Whoo! Look at this place! Beautiful.
Better make the most of it, Ben.
In a few days, you're gonna be hitched, mate.
Ball and chain, mate.
Hang on a tick.
I'll go see if the banquet's ready and get an extra chair for Warney.
TED: Yeah, mate.
Hey, how you going with those vows? Uh You still haven't finished them? I'm just finessing.
What's to finesse? It should be simple.
It was easy for me.
Sammy and I just used the traditional ones.
Just keep it short and sweet, just like Dave, alright? Yeah.
It's not the words that matter.
It's how you feel that counts.
CARBO: Right.
If you guys are interested, there's two waitresses out there - you see the size of the jugs! ALL: Ah! Of beer! I meant Oh, honestly, I meant beer.
Yeah? BEN: Pressure and expectation take all forms, like having the best night of your single life.
Skol! Skol! Skol! RACHEL: (GRUFF, HIGH-PITCHED) Melissa! Surprise! Don't worry.
This is in no way official wedding business.
No, no.
It's not a hens' night.
It's just a girls' night in with some champagne.
Don't let them rope you in if you want a night by yourself.
Don't be weak like me.
Well, if it's not official wedding business.
Whoo! Go get yourjamies on.
(SQUEALS) (ALL LAUGH) I'm an Australian male on TV from the '50s to the '90s.
Australian TV, yes.
OK.
Um, and I'm an artist and I'm an astronaut.
Yep.
Clock's ticking.
Yeah, alright.
Let me think.
Um, was I married? Oh, you've had a few long-term platonic relationships with women.
OK.
I Can I have a hint? Um he's very well endowed.
Oh! But not where you might think.
Too hard.
I give up.
You win.
Oh, Mr Squiggle?! (OTHERS LAUGH) That's not a real person! But he is a real celebrity.
Oh, you're cheaters, the lot of you.
That coming from you?! I've played cards with you, thank you very much.
Mel, I'd like you to know you're marrying into a family of sneaks and thieves.
Oi! I'd take that over my family any day.
Ohhhh Ahhhh! Whoo-hoo! Hey, thanks for doing this.
It's our pleasure, honey.
Just what I needed.
What you needed? Yeah! Take my mind off things.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers.
(LOUD BURP) WARN EY: Plenty more where that came from.
Meatballs, bratwurst, pork belly.
That was disgustingly amazing.
Oh, hey, it looks like the entertainment's arrived.
I wonder what that could be.
Oh, not a stripper.
It's tradition, Benno.
Lights! Music! Let's go! (U P-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS) Be Mel, please! (MEN WHOOP AND HOLLER) Argh! CARBO: Very nice choice of music.
WARNEY: Look at that! Ben! Kat! Kat! Hey, Kat! Kat! Kat! Stop! Look, don't make a scene.
I'll make a scene if I want.
You robbed us.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You want to tell the cops that'? Don't, Ben.
You don't understand.
That you're such a gambling junkie, you're stripping to pay your debts'? Do you want me to feel sorry for you? Do you honestly think you have any idea about how the world works outside your little bubble'? You have no perception of how life really is.
Crap.
Look at you guys getting your pathetic rocks off.
And you're not pathetic? I'm not the one settling for the whole suburban fantasy.
I don't need to listen to this.
You moved on pretty fast, Ben.
Who's the lucky girl'? Unless Oh, my God.
It's Melissa, isn't it? Yeah.
It is, actually.
You disappointed you didn't break us up? Wow.
That really is pathetic.
I thought she was smarter than that.
She's marrying the glass boy from the Boat Club.
I'm the manager.
Oh, the manager? Oh, right.
Well, that really puts me in my place.
Do you really think Melissa is gonna spend her life shacked up with some nobody that works in a bar? Is that how the dream goes'? Truth hard to take? You've got your money.
Why don't you piss off'? You know, I feel sorry for you, Ben.
You can't even see how tragic it is from this side of the white picket fence.
So, Ben slept with the stripper and then she robbed Carbo's place? It sounds like an episode of 'Jerry Springer' but, yeah.
She wasn't a stripper back then.
Hey.
Did you find her? What about our stuff'? Yeah, I found her.
Can you move so I can get my beer? What did she say? Nothing.
What do you mean 'nothing'?! What about our stuff'? Leave it, Carbo.
It's long gone.
You right, Ben? Yeah.
Jeez.
A bit of a shock, mate.
Yeah.
All good.
We'll get her details from the agency and give them to the cops.
Have we got the number there'? No, Dad.
Can we please just'? Crack a few more beers.
We'll jump in the Hummer, hit the pubs.
MEN: Yeah! Absolutely! Come on! Let's give this buck a proper send-off.
Yeah? MEN: Yeah! Come on! Come on! Skol, Benno! Let's go! Come on! Let's do it.
(SINGS OFF-KEY) You let me shine And my love is true (MISSES NOTE) Ooh, ooh Because of you-ooh-ooh.
(ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD) Oh, bravo.
I think it's time for me and Jellybean to hit the road.
No, no, no! But there's heaps more songs! Oh, no, darling.
That's about as much '80s pop as I can handle.
But you two can stay, right'? If there's more champagne, I'm here.
Yay ! Why not'? OK.
Well, so, happy unofficial girlie get-together.
No, no, no.
This was my hens' night.
Mm! I thought you said you weren't having a hens' night.
No.
But this was good.
This was good.
Not like last time.
That was the problem.
(OVER MICROPHONE) At my last hens' night, that Oh, I (FEEDBACK SQUEALS) And my real No.
Last time, that was when I realised I didn't want to marry Shannon.
I sat there and everyone was talking about how in love we were and how perfect it was and Anyway, anyway, I don't want to associate that with this.
It's superstitious, I know.
You're not having a sudden urge to run away now, are you? No, I would marry Ben right here, right now.
Seriously.
Bring him over.
Where is he? Come on.
Bring him over.
Well, I guess the curse is broken.
I should sit down for a minute.
Ohoh, um, Mel, sweetie, darling, maybe we should get you upstairs.
No, no.
I'm good.
Comfy couch.
I just don't know whether you should Alright.
Here.
Do you want a blanket? Should we'? I don't know.
Mel'? Mel'? Mel'? Mel'? Night-night, daughter-in-law.
(WHISPERS) Should we draw things on her face? (LAUGHS) (SINGS SOFTLY) Ooh, ooh, mmm.
BEN: Keep it down.
You'll wake Mel.
CARBO: Who's the best man? I am! You are! Who made the best party? (SLURS) You did.
I did.
7:00am, Benno.
(SNIGGERS) We partied all night.
Best buck's night I've ever had.
Mm-hm.
Except for Kat.
Except for Kat.
Happy wedding, Benno.
Oi, Carbo? Yeah? Don't tell Mel about Kat.
You know, keep it shtum.
Keeping things shtum about Kat bad idea.
No, no.
I'm gonna tell her myself, so no telling Kat about Mel.
Let's be shtum.
ShhhTUM! SHTUM! (SNORTS) What about Kat? I didn't tell her! I swear! Ben Goodnight! (NOSE SQUEAKS) What about Kat? She was the.
.
.
entertainment.
What? She was the stripper? Well, did you talk to her? Not really.
She just What are the chances'? I know! All the strippers and all the buck's nights I know.
You're not cranky'? About a bizarre coincidence? No.
She's just lucky I wasn't there.
Punch her in the face, stupid I love you.
Whoa! That is some strong fumes you got going there, Rafter.
Oh, you can talk.
Yeah.
(PANTS) Sleepy time.
Come on, Mr Rafter.
Let me carry you to bed, Mrs Rafter.
Nah.
I'm good.
Miss Bannon to you.
Ah! BEN: No pressure.
A whole week to recover.
A week to find the words to get it right.
But one week later, Mel's mega-dysfunctional family had other ideas.
Ben! Ben! Ben, wake up! (GROANS) Mmm.
Happy wedding eve, beautiful.
My parents are coming.
I know.
Tomorrow.
No, no, no, no.
Now.
Now'? Yeah.
Mum just called.
They caught an earlier flight.
They're in a taxi.
What? Ready to meet the in-laws? Yep.
Linda and Patrick.
Linda and Patrick.
The kitchen's OK but I wouldn't let them go upstairs.
Does this look OK'? You didn't have to get dressed up for them but, yeah, you look great.
Linda and Pat.
Big Pat.
Do I need to call him that'? He'll let you know.
Trust me.
I should get changed, shouldn't I'? Ben, relax.
Just be yourself.
Yeah.
OK.
And whatever they say or do, don't let them get to you.
Alright? They won't be here long.
They've got a hotel to check in to.
OK.
This should do it.
She doesn't like these, she's made out of stone.
Mate, you're a lifesaver.
(CAR APPROACHES) Here we go.
I'll leave you to it.
Mate, don't leave me.
They're your in-laws.
And you're my best man.
Surprise.
Oh, it really is.
We could have flown in tomorrow but, really No hug.
Guess they're not the hugging type.
Imagine meeting at the aisle.
There's no aisle, Mum.
We're getting married in a park.
Remember? You know what she means, Melissa.
Hi, Dad.
Sowhich one of you jokers wants to marry my daughter? (LAUGHS) Oh, Pat! Ignore him.
G'day, Ben! Uh, actually, Dad, no, that's I'm kidding.
Calm down.
I've seen the photos.
(LAUGHS ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Ben, right? Pat Bannon.
It's nice to meet you, Pat.
Some call me Big Pat.
Big Pat it is.
I reckon we might get to know each other first, huh? Yyeah.
Sure.
Uh Really nice to meet you, MrPat.
(CRUNCHING) (CHUCKLES) I'm Linda.
What a lovely house.
Yeah.
We like it.
You'll get your own place soon with these new home buyers' grants.
Grants.
(CHUCKLES) Call me old-fashioned but in my day, a bloke made sure he was set up before he proposed.
Cup of tea? (CROAKS) Yep.
Come on in.
Good luck, mate.
I gotta go to work.
Hey.
D Give me Give! So, you're a bar manager, hey, Ben? Yes.
How long you been doing that'? I've been working at the Boat Club since I finished school and I kinda just fell into managing it a little while ago.
'Fell'? Right.
But you are studying? No.
No, I'm not.
Learning a trade? Uhno.
I mean, I figure that I'm still young, so How old are you, Ben? By the time I was 24, mate, I had a wife, three kids, two mortgages and I spent 1O hours a day down a mine.
Sometimes 12.
Still, can't expect everyone to have the same work ethic, can I'? I think the, uh, kettle's boiled.
Lovely.
Uh, no biscuits.
Sorry.
If we'd known you were flying in early, we We wanted to surprise you.
We're so excited to be here for the wedding.
Aren't we, Pat? I've still got the suit from the last wedding.
Shame not to get some use out of it, eh, poodle? So, did you guys have much trouble changing flights at late notice? (LAUGHS) Course you didn't.
Guess not.
You're here.
(CAR HORN HONKS) Uh, that'll be Nathan, my brother.
We're gonna go and pick up some drinks from the Boat Club.
Really great to meet you both and I guess I'll see you at the wedding.
I get why there are so many mother-in-law jokes.
But there should be more father-in-law jokes.
That bad? Think car salesman with the grip of death.
(SNIGGERS) PAT: on Ben! Oh, God.
Oh, g'day.
Pat Bannon.
G'day.
I'm Nathan Raft-arggh! (CRUNCH!) Right.
Nice wheels.
Yours? Yeah, yeah.
I'm still paying it off.
Oh, right.
You're in the family business.
Yes! I'm sort of sort of the manager.
Stick with it.
Family companies are the best to build up.
Couple of years, you'll be laughing.
Oh, thank you, Pat.
Call me Big Pat.
OK.
I left the girls in there, gossiping.
Figured I might help you boys get the grog.
Might need the muscle, eh, Ben? And this is from Dermott.
'Cooking with Crock Pots'? Have you used the crock pot we gave you? Not yet.
I've brought you something else anyway.
Something very special that I was going to give you last time.
Please don't start.
I'm not.
You've made it quite clear that this wedding is nothing like the last one.
So, you and Dad are happy for me to run this wedding my way? We're here, aren't we'? Yes.
You're here and I'm glad.
Mum it's a lovely thought.
Thank you.
But I'm not wearing a veil.
Maybe save it for the first granddaughter? Oh Doesn't matter.
Just a thought.
No.
.
.
pressure.
Wow, Jules.
You've really outdone yourself.
Mmm.
Let's hope it tastes as good.
MEL: Hello! Oh, hello.
Everyone, this is my mother, Linda.
Your mother? Oh! Hi! I'm Julie.
Hi.
Oh! Hi.
And, uh, Dave.
How do you do? How are you? Sorry.
Umwell, um, so nice to meet you both.
My husband, Patrick, is just out with your boys, getting the drinks.
Oh! Hi.
I'm Rachel.
I'm Ben's sister.
Hi.
I'm Sammy, Ben's sister-in-law.
Hi.
Sorry for the mess.
We're, uh, getting the food organised for the wedding.
Is that peanut butter'? Yeah.
We're using it for the satay skewers.
I hope no-one at the Wedding's got a nut allergy.
That'd put a downer on the day.
You're not allergic, are you? No, no.
I just mean that you can't be too careful.
No.
Well So, uh, finger food? Yeah.
It's a small wedding, Mum.
What about all your friends from work? At the hospital? And Ben's.
.
.
boat bar? No.
Right.
Wellfair enough.
Oh, Juliewhat a yummy cake.
Oh, well .
.
.
That's for the wedding.
That's the wedding cake.
Yes.
Oh.
Great! Oh, it's a work in progress.
It's got another layer and Oh.
No, it's a nice touch.
It's, um, personal.
BEN: If Mum wasn't feeling the pressure before, she was now.
Hey, you reckon the Boat Club's an alright place to work? What do you mean? For a guy about to get married.
It's OK, isn't it'? Well I mean, being the manager's pretty good, right? Ben, it's a great stopgap for someone of your age and experience.
Stopgap? Yeah.
You hang in for a while, then you move on, right? You're not gonna be stuck at that bar forever.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
PAT: That lot's sorted.
Listen - don't worry about him.
Explain that you've got a plan for the future and he'll come round.
BEN: And that was the trouble.
Other than manying Mel, I didn't have any plans for the future.
Oh, not a bad place, that Boat Club.
But from the way you were talking, Ben, I expected more.
I can't believe we're getting married tomorrow.
The two of us.
I can't believe we're spending the last night of our single lives apart.
Tradition.
I thought there was a boycott on tradition.
It'll make tomorrow more special.
Mmm.
I can't wait to hear your vows.
Mmm! And I can't wait to hear yours.
Do you want to run them by me? And spoil the surprise? But I can tell you one thing.
Mm? As of tomorrow, you have to obey me.
Oh, nice try.
Hey! Look it up.
I only have to honour you.
(DOOR CLOSES) Oi! Not in front of the parental.
Dad! I thought you'd gone.
Well, your mum had her turn.
Came back to spend some quality time alone with my little girl.
Ran into Carbo first! Yeah.
Big Pat's been giving me advice on the shop.
Well, stick with it, mate, and when the flower trade picks up, maybe you can find a job for Ben.
Well, alright, then.
I'll leave you guys to it.
See ya.
I better get next door.
See you tomorrow.
You don't have to go through with this.
(SIGHS) Don't even start.
He's got no drive, no plans.
How's he supposed to look after you? Don't worry.
We'll make do.
You're a bright girl, Melissa.
Hardworking, ambitious.
Proudest day of my life was when you got into nursing.
Why? 'Cause then I could marry a doctor? You're too bloody smart to waste your time on someone who's not on your level.
Three years later and you still haven't forgiven me, have you? You didn't have to come to the wedding.
You still don't.
But I am marrying Ben tomorrow, however you feel about him, because I love him.
Your wedding.
Your funeral.
BEN: Like they say, the best test of a guy's character is how he acts under pressure.
OK, so, that's probably about being at war - Afghanistan or somewhere - but the idea's the same.
Goodnight, Mel.
Mel, are you asleep? I'm not.
(DOG HOWLS) I'll take that as a yes.
(DOOR OPENS) Uh, Ben? Darling, what are you doing? I can't sleep.
Well, it's nearly midnight.
You should be in bed.
I should be in bed.
What about you, eight-months-up-the-duff lady? Oh, I'm just finishing off a few things.
You're doing too much.
No! Not for my son's wedding.
I'll turn in soon.
So should you.
Hey, Mum I'm not a loser, am I'? What? Of course you're not a loser.
Why would you even think that'? I justl want to make sure I'm good enough for Mel.
Aww.
Darling, of course you are.
Any woman would be lucky to have you.
Mel just got in first, that's all.
And she loves you just the way you are, trust me.
Come on.
I'll make you a cup of tea with a bottle of whisky chaser.
I don't think alcohol's the solution.
Oh, I do.
You need your beauty sleep so you can make us all cry tomorrow.
I bet you dad he'll crack first.
My money's on Dad winning that one.
Yeah.
I'll be in in a sec.
OK.
Hey, Mum? Thanks.
BEN: In less than 12 hours, I was making the biggest commitment of my life and I still couldn't find the right words.
Alright.
We got the hair straightener, hair dryer, curling wands You got the glosses'? Yes.
Every colour? Yes.
Good.
Oh, good morning, ladies.
Nice day for a white wedding.
Is she up? The bride is ready and waiting for her hair and make-up team.
How's the groom? You haven't seen him? No.
We haven't seen him since last night.
Someone must have heard him get up, close the door.
There's no point making a fuss over nothing.
He's probably just gone for a walk.
He's been gone for a long time.
Ben, hi.
Umjust wondering.
Carbo's here, ready to kick things off.
You're not.
Just wondering where you are.
No stress.
Just call us when you can.
What's going on? What's.
.
.
'? What's going on? We can't find Ben.
CARBO: He's been gone for ages.
The guy steps out for five minutes and everyone's on high alert.
There's nothing to worry about.
Yeah.
No, no, we need to find him.
No, no, Mum.
This is mountain/molehill territory.
No, I spoke to him last night.
He was in a really weird mood, so How weird? Well, we just need to find him, OK'? And, um, try not to let Mel know.
Right.
Wow.
You are so relaxed.
I was a mess on my wedding day.
Nerves or excitement? Fear - that Mum's hair and make-up team would make me look like something out of a Little Miss Australia pageant.
(ALL LAUGH) (DOOR OPENS) There's no danger of that happening today, Mel.
You're perfectly safe with us.
Yes.
Oi! What are you doing here? Hey, I just Girls only! Go back and braid Benny's hair or whatever.
VVell, no, I just wanted to check that everything's above board here.
Above board? Mm.
You know, you guys are all good.
You know, you don't need any extra champagne or anything? We're fine.
Good.
Hey, um, Benno didn't swing past here before to grab his suit or whatever? Not that I know of.
Isn't he next door with you? Yeah! Of course he is.
He just said he wanted a tiething.
He must have snuck in and out without you noticing.
OK.
Look, I'd better head back to the boys.
And Ben, who is waiting.
You look tops, Mel.
Eye shadow.
Close your eyes.
Carbo, where the hell is Ben? We don't know.
He's gone.
What'?! He's not 'gone' gone.
But he's 'not answering his phone' gone.
Rachel, you gotta make sure Mel doesn't find out, OK'? Just until we know what's going on.
OK.
Alright.
But I want updates every five minutes, OK'? Sure.
What's going on? I'll be on the mobile.
If you find him, call me.
Yeah.
You too.
Come on, Ben.
Where are you? (PHONE RINGS) BEN: Life throws all kinds of pressure at you.
We're expected to know exactly what to say.
So, what happens when we don't? Ben, what the hell are you doing? Everyone's waiting for you.
I know.
Come on! You gotta get dressed.
Let's go.
I can't write my vows.
I haven't even started yet.
If that's not a sign, what is? That's not a sign that you shouldn't get married.
It's a sign that you want to do it right.
It's a good sign! Shouldn't it just come naturally if I really loved her? Kat said all this stuff the other night.
What did Kat say? That Mel deserves better than someone who manages a bar.
(SCOFFS) This is Kat the psycho? The one that tried to split you and Mel up, then robbed your house and now strips for a living? Why do you care what she thinks? She wasn't the only one.
Mel's dad said it too.
Right.
So, what are you saying? That you don't want to marry Mel? Why are we rushing into this? You were the one that wanted to rush it, remember? Get married as soon as you could.
I know.
I just OK, Ben.
You've gotta Far out.
You've gotta work with me here.
You've got cold feet.
It's normal.
Everyone gets them.
Did you? Well, not like this.
But I didn't sleep at all the night before.
That's not the same.
Look, if what you're saying here is that you're having second thoughts, then I gotta tell you - the consequences are pretty full-on.
I know.
I just want you to think it through.
What do you think I'm doing? JULIE: And he just went for a walk.
Nathan's with him and I'm sure they'll meet us at the park soon.
Yeah, and you don't need to be there for a while, anyway.
You know - it's fashionable for a bride to be late.
It's OK, Rachel.
He'll be there.
Mother of the bride.
Is it safe to come in'? Julie! Hello! How's our groom this morning'? Oh, he's fine.
Doesn't your father look handsome, Melissa? Well, not every day your daughter gets married, eh, poodle? Gotta make some effort.
Alright, don't stress, it's all under control.
But Nathan thinks you might have to push the ceremony back by a bit.
What do you mean, âpush it back"? Has something happened? We might just We're gonna go check on the dress.
Ben's just running a bit late.
You've gotta be kidding me.
How late? I told you, didn't I'? This wedding was never gonna happen! He's as bloody useless as I thought he was! Stop it, Dad! Ben is not gonna let me down.
Pat, please.
You go to the park and I will meet you there.
Now, look Enough! We haven't come all this way for you and Melissa to fall out again.
UmI'll leave you to it.
OK'? Right.
The wedding starts in an hour and you need to get dressed.
If you don't mind, I'd like to help you.
If that's OK.
Should we call the celebrant, let her know what's going on? Nah.
He'll be there.
Isn't it tradition for the best man to marry the bride if the groom doesn't show'? It's an urban legend.
Not that I wouldn't.
But this was meant to be the best wedding ever and Ben's missing.
Nathan'll knock some sense into him.
It'll be alright.
Yeah, I know.
Me and Carbo will head down the park.
Can't go without Ben.
He'll meet us there.
Now, have you got the rings? Yeah, of course.
Good.
Um Carbo.
Uh Um Good to go! Come on.
We'll catch up with you.
Oh, no.
You're kidding me.
Oh, no! The cake! It sunk! Calm down.
It's OK! No, Dad, it's not OK! Oh.
Julie? I'm OK.
It's nothing.
No, it's not.
I'll call the doctor.
Dad, don't.
I'm fine.
I'm just I'm just a bit stressed, that's all.
All the more reason to call the doctor! I'm not gonna miss the wedding, alright?! I'm serious, Julie.
After Nathan's wedding and what happened with your mother No.
Look, I'm alright.
I just need to have a rest once this is over, OK'? So, let me Let's just fix the cake and we'll get to the park, OK'? Can you do me up? You always have been your dad's favourite.
You know'? Lucky me.
He's a good man.
A good husband.
Maybe not such a good father.
Maybe neither of us were cut out to be parents.
We do care about you, though.
I know.
There.
(CH UCKLES) You look.
.
.
beautiful.
Really? Oh, dear.
(CAR HORN TOOTS) (LAUGHS) RACHEL: Hey, Mel, taxi's here.
Oh.
(BOTH LAUGH) Let's go.
Oh, Mel, we're so sorry.
We should have cancelled it.
I'm gonna tell the driver.
So, the bride's there before the groom.
I never wanted to go traditional, anyway.
I'll get your bouquet.
Thanks, Mum.
Carbo left the flowers on the fridge.
Mel, you look so beautiful.
Thank you.
Umany chance you want to stand next to me while I wait for Ben? In the park? Yeah.
I might need moral support in front of all 15 guests.
Are you asking us to be your unofficial bridesmaids? Absolutely not.
Just to stand with me, that's all.
Oh, and maybe take my flowers at the start of the ceremony? Sure.
Mm-hm.
And maybe sign the registry.
That's all.
OK.
Well, as long as it's not traditional, then OK.
Well, then, let's get going.
My groom must be on his way by now.
OK.
BEN: Mel had absolute faith in me.
I wish I could have said the same for myself.
If you want me to, I will drive you to the airport, no questions asked.
And I'll deal with the fallout at home.
Seriously? Yeah.
And if you want me to pass on a message to Mel, I will.
But it has to be in your words.
I am not making it up.
So, what is it that you want to say to her? Th-that's just the problem.
I don't know.
OK, uhtell me this, Ben - you love her, correct? Yes.
She loves you.
Yep.
And she knows everything about you and she still wants to marry you? Hey, don't sound so surprised.
I'm not, idiot.
That's my point - forget about what everyone said.
I guarantee that when you are asked to say your vows, you'll know exactly what to say.
But what if I don't? What if I screw it all up? Who cares? Just say that you love her and you want to marry her.
It's simple.
Now, Mel is waiting.
So, what's it gonna be'? Is it gonna be the airport or the park? SONG: There's a chapel deep in a valley For travelling strangers in distress It's nestled amongst the I don't understand.
Why is Melissa here first? You don't think Ben's done the runner, do you? If he's not here, he'd better keep running.
He doesn't want me catching up with him.
Melissa can look after herself.
I don't know what your problem with Ben is, but take it from me, he's a great bloke.
A great bloke who skips his own wedding.
There's still time.
So, if you could please move inside Big Pat.
Take me in, under your skin Bury me deep in love Benno A little congregation gathers Prays for guidance from above Oh, Dave, this is ridiculous.
Leave it, Jules.
She's here for Ben, as she should be.
So, you're going to ignore her at the reception as well? We're not that kind of family.
Chel, hey.
You need to be with us.
No, no.
I'll be fine here.
Come on.
You missed Dave's wedding.
You can at least share Ben's with him.
It's bad enough Ben's out there, acting like a twit.
I'm not taking it from the adults too, so sort it out, you two.
Dave.
Benno! Bury me deep in love Bury me deep in your love, darling Deeper and deeper Deeper and deeper Deeper and deeper in love (PANTS) You said you wanted non-traditional.
I knew you'd be here.
You may lose me on the west I may be covered over in the night I love your generosity, your kindness even your stupid jokes.
Thank you for giving me your heart, an amazing home and a loving family.
I can't wait to make a family of our own.
Whatever happens in the future, I know we'll face it together.
I love you.
BEN: This was it.
My big moment.
Make or break.
And I still had no clue what! was gonna say.
I, Ben, take you, Melissa, to be my wife.
To have and to hold from this day forward.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
And as far as I'm concerned, not even then.
BEN: The words came.
So much for non-traditional.
But, hey - if it was good enough for my parents Bury me deep in love (APPLAUSE) Oi! You're not supposed to do thatyet.
We're not very traditional.
Deeper and deeper Deeper and deeper Bury me deep in love.
Excuse me! Excuse Oi, everybody! Ladies and gentlemen, let me present the bride and groom, my best mate Ben Rafter and his drop-dead gorgeous, beautiful wife, Melissa Bannon! Whoo! I didn't know she was gonna keep her name.
She always did have an independent streak.
Everyone, count to three.
I've got something special for the couple too.
Alright, one ALL: Twothree! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! That's amazing! Thank you! Congratulations, Ben, You made a great choice.
BEN: One last challenge of the day.
Hold on just one second.
Welcome to our little family.
Thank you.
You got cold feet, didn't you? Yeah, I did.
But not about loving Melissa.
About not being good enough for her.
Can't imagine where I got that idea from.
But you turned up anyway.
Yep.
'Cause I figured it out.
Whether you like it or not, I am good enough for Mel.
And I do have a plan for the future.
It's all about my wife.
Well, I guess you've got balls after all.
Thanks, Pat.
(CRUNCH!) Call me Big Pat.
BE N: And just like that, all the pressure of the past few weeks disappeared.
('SAY HEY (I LOVE YOU)' BY MICHAEL FRANTI PLAYS) âNot even death do us part", huh? That was really beautiful.
Yeah.
Took me ages to get those words just right.
(WHISPERS) Hey, have I told you that you're the hottest bride in history? (GIGGLES) Feel free to keep saying it.
About today, I'm sorry.
I just needed time.
It's OK.
I know.
You don't have to explain.
That's one of the many reasons why I love you.
You're not so bad yourself in the right light.
I mean, it wasit was beautiful.
In a visual sense, OK'? So, I get that.
Two souls coming together and connecting finally and all that.
But who really believes all the fanfare about two people wanting to spend the rest of their lives together? Well, I do.
Are you surprised? A little bit.
And I reckon I'm not the only one who believes in all the fanfare.
No, darling.
Come on! Oh, darling, I can't Ohlook at the size of me! I'm not asking you to tango.
It's alright.
I'm gonna take up half the dance floor.
Yeah.
You'll look like a big beautiful egg.
So, two down, one to go, eh? Well, that's if and when Rachel ever decides to conform to the masses.
And it's two down Oh, sorry, bubs.
.
.
two to go.
You mind if I dance with my son? Oh, Chel, you're a lifesaver.
I'll sit back down.
May I'? Yeah, sure.
If you can keep up.
Is Sammy's mum hitting on my dad? Where? Wait! Don't look.
TED: Come on.
Speech! Alright, alright, alright.
Um Thank you, everyone, for sharing today with meand the missus.
(LAUGHTER) There's just a few special mentions.
Melissa's parents flew all the way from Perth to make sure I was good enough for their daughter.
It was a big deal, so that's a big thanks to Big Pat.
And Linda, thank you.
Carbo! My best mate, and my best man, thank you.
Love you, mate.
I know.
(LAUGHTER) To the most amazing, supportive family anyone could ever wish for.
To my new grandmother, Chel.
And to my nan, Louise.
I know you're up there, looking down on us.
Well said, mate.
A toast! To Ben and Melissa! ALL: Ben and Melissa! (CHEERING) Oh, one more thing.
Nathan and Sammy never got to have their wedding reception.
So, I figure better late than never.
Come on, guys.
This is your cake too.
OK, no-one move.
We've got five seconds.
Ready? Smile! End of an era, Benno.
No more swinging singles.
It'll be different, mate, but just as good.
Thanks.
Not just for the flowers but, you know, for everything.
Anything for a mate.
Well, not just any mate.
The best mate anyone can have.
You crying'? No! You are! You're crying! I can see it.
Come here.
Mate, it's just raining on my face.
Oh, yeah.
Inside.
You alright? Yeah, fine.
Time for you to leave.
Long drive.
Thanks for the car.
No worries.
See ya! Bye, darling.
Drive safely.
Have a great time! Bye! Welcome to your new life, Mrs Rafter.
I meanMs Bannon.
You can call me Mrs Rafter in private.
Good.
Whee! DAVE: Oh, Carbo, you forgot to tie the cans on! Oh, I was emotional, alright? BEN: When the pressure's finally off, everyone can relax.
Usually, that's a good thing.
But when it's been the only thing keeping you upright Jules? Dave, I think you need to call an amb (ALL GASP) Julie! Mum? Someone call an ambulance.
there's still the pressure to be perfect.
Because.
.
.
you know why! And that includes writing your vows.
Who cares about tradition? We know where it got me last time.
There's that word - 'tradition'.
(SIGHS) Look, change of subject - have you sorted somewhere to stay? (BOTH MOUTH INAUDIBLY) 'Cause you know there's no room here.
OK'? How are the vows progressing? So far I've got, âWhen asked, say 'I do'.
" (SCOFFS) Darling, why don't you ask Mel for some help? No way! Why do you think I'm here? I don't want her to get a hint of how tough this is for me.
OK.
It was just a suggestion.
No need to bite my head off.
I'm sorry.
it's justit's a huge deal, mega commitment, forever.
What - you're only just figuring that one out? No! Of course not.
It's just it all suddenly feels bigger than me and Mel saying âI do I just want it to be perfect.
Darling, you've still got a week.
I'm sure, as soon as you stop staring at that pad, inspiration will hit.
Hey, Benno! Mrs Rafter.
Hey.
I got a question for you.
What comes before part B? Huh? What comes before part B? PART-AY! Whoo! Yo! Yo! Hello, ladies! Lookin' good! Hey, Warney! Hey, come on, mate! Beautiful! Come back later! Ahh! If you didn't invite Warney, who did? It must have been your dad, mate.
You sure you don't want me to get rid of him? He's already customised his own T-shirt.
Please tell me we're gonna stop and eat something soon.
Where's your stamina, Mr Rafter? OTHERS: (CHANT) Soft! Soft! Soft! Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm pacing myself.
My liver's not as young as it used to be.
(GABBLES) (LAUGHS) Argh! Struth.
How do you turn him off'? (LAUGHS) CARBO: Hey, guys, look, we're here.
Here's where Ben's Big Buck's Party starts now! BEN: Yeah! WARNEY: Yee-ha! Waiting inside is a Bavarian beer and sausage extravaganza - all you can eat.
Is this one of those places that you have to wear a plastic bib? Been here before, Natho? Ah! Classy, Carbo! This is gonna be awesome! Think this is awesome? Wait till you see what's coming next! (NOSE SQUEAKS) I think I've got some sort of idea! Whoo! Hey, did you invite Warney? No.
I thought you did.
(CHUCKLES) Nah.
Ye-he-hey! Whoo! Look at this place! Beautiful.
Better make the most of it, Ben.
In a few days, you're gonna be hitched, mate.
Ball and chain, mate.
Hang on a tick.
I'll go see if the banquet's ready and get an extra chair for Warney.
TED: Yeah, mate.
Hey, how you going with those vows? Uh You still haven't finished them? I'm just finessing.
What's to finesse? It should be simple.
It was easy for me.
Sammy and I just used the traditional ones.
Just keep it short and sweet, just like Dave, alright? Yeah.
It's not the words that matter.
It's how you feel that counts.
CARBO: Right.
If you guys are interested, there's two waitresses out there - you see the size of the jugs! ALL: Ah! Of beer! I meant Oh, honestly, I meant beer.
Yeah? BEN: Pressure and expectation take all forms, like having the best night of your single life.
Skol! Skol! Skol! RACHEL: (GRUFF, HIGH-PITCHED) Melissa! Surprise! Don't worry.
This is in no way official wedding business.
No, no.
It's not a hens' night.
It's just a girls' night in with some champagne.
Don't let them rope you in if you want a night by yourself.
Don't be weak like me.
Well, if it's not official wedding business.
Whoo! Go get yourjamies on.
(SQUEALS) (ALL LAUGH) I'm an Australian male on TV from the '50s to the '90s.
Australian TV, yes.
OK.
Um, and I'm an artist and I'm an astronaut.
Yep.
Clock's ticking.
Yeah, alright.
Let me think.
Um, was I married? Oh, you've had a few long-term platonic relationships with women.
OK.
I Can I have a hint? Um he's very well endowed.
Oh! But not where you might think.
Too hard.
I give up.
You win.
Oh, Mr Squiggle?! (OTHERS LAUGH) That's not a real person! But he is a real celebrity.
Oh, you're cheaters, the lot of you.
That coming from you?! I've played cards with you, thank you very much.
Mel, I'd like you to know you're marrying into a family of sneaks and thieves.
Oi! I'd take that over my family any day.
Ohhhh Ahhhh! Whoo-hoo! Hey, thanks for doing this.
It's our pleasure, honey.
Just what I needed.
What you needed? Yeah! Take my mind off things.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers.
(LOUD BURP) WARN EY: Plenty more where that came from.
Meatballs, bratwurst, pork belly.
That was disgustingly amazing.
Oh, hey, it looks like the entertainment's arrived.
I wonder what that could be.
Oh, not a stripper.
It's tradition, Benno.
Lights! Music! Let's go! (U P-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS) Be Mel, please! (MEN WHOOP AND HOLLER) Argh! CARBO: Very nice choice of music.
WARNEY: Look at that! Ben! Kat! Kat! Hey, Kat! Kat! Kat! Stop! Look, don't make a scene.
I'll make a scene if I want.
You robbed us.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You want to tell the cops that'? Don't, Ben.
You don't understand.
That you're such a gambling junkie, you're stripping to pay your debts'? Do you want me to feel sorry for you? Do you honestly think you have any idea about how the world works outside your little bubble'? You have no perception of how life really is.
Crap.
Look at you guys getting your pathetic rocks off.
And you're not pathetic? I'm not the one settling for the whole suburban fantasy.
I don't need to listen to this.
You moved on pretty fast, Ben.
Who's the lucky girl'? Unless Oh, my God.
It's Melissa, isn't it? Yeah.
It is, actually.
You disappointed you didn't break us up? Wow.
That really is pathetic.
I thought she was smarter than that.
She's marrying the glass boy from the Boat Club.
I'm the manager.
Oh, the manager? Oh, right.
Well, that really puts me in my place.
Do you really think Melissa is gonna spend her life shacked up with some nobody that works in a bar? Is that how the dream goes'? Truth hard to take? You've got your money.
Why don't you piss off'? You know, I feel sorry for you, Ben.
You can't even see how tragic it is from this side of the white picket fence.
So, Ben slept with the stripper and then she robbed Carbo's place? It sounds like an episode of 'Jerry Springer' but, yeah.
She wasn't a stripper back then.
Hey.
Did you find her? What about our stuff'? Yeah, I found her.
Can you move so I can get my beer? What did she say? Nothing.
What do you mean 'nothing'?! What about our stuff'? Leave it, Carbo.
It's long gone.
You right, Ben? Yeah.
Jeez.
A bit of a shock, mate.
Yeah.
All good.
We'll get her details from the agency and give them to the cops.
Have we got the number there'? No, Dad.
Can we please just'? Crack a few more beers.
We'll jump in the Hummer, hit the pubs.
MEN: Yeah! Absolutely! Come on! Let's give this buck a proper send-off.
Yeah? MEN: Yeah! Come on! Come on! Skol, Benno! Let's go! Come on! Let's do it.
(SINGS OFF-KEY) You let me shine And my love is true (MISSES NOTE) Ooh, ooh Because of you-ooh-ooh.
(ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD) Oh, bravo.
I think it's time for me and Jellybean to hit the road.
No, no, no! But there's heaps more songs! Oh, no, darling.
That's about as much '80s pop as I can handle.
But you two can stay, right'? If there's more champagne, I'm here.
Yay ! Why not'? OK.
Well, so, happy unofficial girlie get-together.
No, no, no.
This was my hens' night.
Mm! I thought you said you weren't having a hens' night.
No.
But this was good.
This was good.
Not like last time.
That was the problem.
(OVER MICROPHONE) At my last hens' night, that Oh, I (FEEDBACK SQUEALS) And my real No.
Last time, that was when I realised I didn't want to marry Shannon.
I sat there and everyone was talking about how in love we were and how perfect it was and Anyway, anyway, I don't want to associate that with this.
It's superstitious, I know.
You're not having a sudden urge to run away now, are you? No, I would marry Ben right here, right now.
Seriously.
Bring him over.
Where is he? Come on.
Bring him over.
Well, I guess the curse is broken.
I should sit down for a minute.
Ohoh, um, Mel, sweetie, darling, maybe we should get you upstairs.
No, no.
I'm good.
Comfy couch.
I just don't know whether you should Alright.
Here.
Do you want a blanket? Should we'? I don't know.
Mel'? Mel'? Mel'? Mel'? Night-night, daughter-in-law.
(WHISPERS) Should we draw things on her face? (LAUGHS) (SINGS SOFTLY) Ooh, ooh, mmm.
BEN: Keep it down.
You'll wake Mel.
CARBO: Who's the best man? I am! You are! Who made the best party? (SLURS) You did.
I did.
7:00am, Benno.
(SNIGGERS) We partied all night.
Best buck's night I've ever had.
Mm-hm.
Except for Kat.
Except for Kat.
Happy wedding, Benno.
Oi, Carbo? Yeah? Don't tell Mel about Kat.
You know, keep it shtum.
Keeping things shtum about Kat bad idea.
No, no.
I'm gonna tell her myself, so no telling Kat about Mel.
Let's be shtum.
ShhhTUM! SHTUM! (SNORTS) What about Kat? I didn't tell her! I swear! Ben Goodnight! (NOSE SQUEAKS) What about Kat? She was the.
.
.
entertainment.
What? She was the stripper? Well, did you talk to her? Not really.
She just What are the chances'? I know! All the strippers and all the buck's nights I know.
You're not cranky'? About a bizarre coincidence? No.
She's just lucky I wasn't there.
Punch her in the face, stupid I love you.
Whoa! That is some strong fumes you got going there, Rafter.
Oh, you can talk.
Yeah.
(PANTS) Sleepy time.
Come on, Mr Rafter.
Let me carry you to bed, Mrs Rafter.
Nah.
I'm good.
Miss Bannon to you.
Ah! BEN: No pressure.
A whole week to recover.
A week to find the words to get it right.
But one week later, Mel's mega-dysfunctional family had other ideas.
Ben! Ben! Ben, wake up! (GROANS) Mmm.
Happy wedding eve, beautiful.
My parents are coming.
I know.
Tomorrow.
No, no, no, no.
Now.
Now'? Yeah.
Mum just called.
They caught an earlier flight.
They're in a taxi.
What? Ready to meet the in-laws? Yep.
Linda and Patrick.
Linda and Patrick.
The kitchen's OK but I wouldn't let them go upstairs.
Does this look OK'? You didn't have to get dressed up for them but, yeah, you look great.
Linda and Pat.
Big Pat.
Do I need to call him that'? He'll let you know.
Trust me.
I should get changed, shouldn't I'? Ben, relax.
Just be yourself.
Yeah.
OK.
And whatever they say or do, don't let them get to you.
Alright? They won't be here long.
They've got a hotel to check in to.
OK.
This should do it.
She doesn't like these, she's made out of stone.
Mate, you're a lifesaver.
(CAR APPROACHES) Here we go.
I'll leave you to it.
Mate, don't leave me.
They're your in-laws.
And you're my best man.
Surprise.
Oh, it really is.
We could have flown in tomorrow but, really No hug.
Guess they're not the hugging type.
Imagine meeting at the aisle.
There's no aisle, Mum.
We're getting married in a park.
Remember? You know what she means, Melissa.
Hi, Dad.
Sowhich one of you jokers wants to marry my daughter? (LAUGHS) Oh, Pat! Ignore him.
G'day, Ben! Uh, actually, Dad, no, that's I'm kidding.
Calm down.
I've seen the photos.
(LAUGHS ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Ben, right? Pat Bannon.
It's nice to meet you, Pat.
Some call me Big Pat.
Big Pat it is.
I reckon we might get to know each other first, huh? Yyeah.
Sure.
Uh Really nice to meet you, MrPat.
(CRUNCHING) (CHUCKLES) I'm Linda.
What a lovely house.
Yeah.
We like it.
You'll get your own place soon with these new home buyers' grants.
Grants.
(CHUCKLES) Call me old-fashioned but in my day, a bloke made sure he was set up before he proposed.
Cup of tea? (CROAKS) Yep.
Come on in.
Good luck, mate.
I gotta go to work.
Hey.
D Give me Give! So, you're a bar manager, hey, Ben? Yes.
How long you been doing that'? I've been working at the Boat Club since I finished school and I kinda just fell into managing it a little while ago.
'Fell'? Right.
But you are studying? No.
No, I'm not.
Learning a trade? Uhno.
I mean, I figure that I'm still young, so How old are you, Ben? By the time I was 24, mate, I had a wife, three kids, two mortgages and I spent 1O hours a day down a mine.
Sometimes 12.
Still, can't expect everyone to have the same work ethic, can I'? I think the, uh, kettle's boiled.
Lovely.
Uh, no biscuits.
Sorry.
If we'd known you were flying in early, we We wanted to surprise you.
We're so excited to be here for the wedding.
Aren't we, Pat? I've still got the suit from the last wedding.
Shame not to get some use out of it, eh, poodle? So, did you guys have much trouble changing flights at late notice? (LAUGHS) Course you didn't.
Guess not.
You're here.
(CAR HORN HONKS) Uh, that'll be Nathan, my brother.
We're gonna go and pick up some drinks from the Boat Club.
Really great to meet you both and I guess I'll see you at the wedding.
I get why there are so many mother-in-law jokes.
But there should be more father-in-law jokes.
That bad? Think car salesman with the grip of death.
(SNIGGERS) PAT: on Ben! Oh, God.
Oh, g'day.
Pat Bannon.
G'day.
I'm Nathan Raft-arggh! (CRUNCH!) Right.
Nice wheels.
Yours? Yeah, yeah.
I'm still paying it off.
Oh, right.
You're in the family business.
Yes! I'm sort of sort of the manager.
Stick with it.
Family companies are the best to build up.
Couple of years, you'll be laughing.
Oh, thank you, Pat.
Call me Big Pat.
OK.
I left the girls in there, gossiping.
Figured I might help you boys get the grog.
Might need the muscle, eh, Ben? And this is from Dermott.
'Cooking with Crock Pots'? Have you used the crock pot we gave you? Not yet.
I've brought you something else anyway.
Something very special that I was going to give you last time.
Please don't start.
I'm not.
You've made it quite clear that this wedding is nothing like the last one.
So, you and Dad are happy for me to run this wedding my way? We're here, aren't we'? Yes.
You're here and I'm glad.
Mum it's a lovely thought.
Thank you.
But I'm not wearing a veil.
Maybe save it for the first granddaughter? Oh Doesn't matter.
Just a thought.
No.
.
.
pressure.
Wow, Jules.
You've really outdone yourself.
Mmm.
Let's hope it tastes as good.
MEL: Hello! Oh, hello.
Everyone, this is my mother, Linda.
Your mother? Oh! Hi! I'm Julie.
Hi.
Oh! Hi.
And, uh, Dave.
How do you do? How are you? Sorry.
Umwell, um, so nice to meet you both.
My husband, Patrick, is just out with your boys, getting the drinks.
Oh! Hi.
I'm Rachel.
I'm Ben's sister.
Hi.
I'm Sammy, Ben's sister-in-law.
Hi.
Sorry for the mess.
We're, uh, getting the food organised for the wedding.
Is that peanut butter'? Yeah.
We're using it for the satay skewers.
I hope no-one at the Wedding's got a nut allergy.
That'd put a downer on the day.
You're not allergic, are you? No, no.
I just mean that you can't be too careful.
No.
Well So, uh, finger food? Yeah.
It's a small wedding, Mum.
What about all your friends from work? At the hospital? And Ben's.
.
.
boat bar? No.
Right.
Wellfair enough.
Oh, Juliewhat a yummy cake.
Oh, well .
.
.
That's for the wedding.
That's the wedding cake.
Yes.
Oh.
Great! Oh, it's a work in progress.
It's got another layer and Oh.
No, it's a nice touch.
It's, um, personal.
BEN: If Mum wasn't feeling the pressure before, she was now.
Hey, you reckon the Boat Club's an alright place to work? What do you mean? For a guy about to get married.
It's OK, isn't it'? Well I mean, being the manager's pretty good, right? Ben, it's a great stopgap for someone of your age and experience.
Stopgap? Yeah.
You hang in for a while, then you move on, right? You're not gonna be stuck at that bar forever.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
PAT: That lot's sorted.
Listen - don't worry about him.
Explain that you've got a plan for the future and he'll come round.
BEN: And that was the trouble.
Other than manying Mel, I didn't have any plans for the future.
Oh, not a bad place, that Boat Club.
But from the way you were talking, Ben, I expected more.
I can't believe we're getting married tomorrow.
The two of us.
I can't believe we're spending the last night of our single lives apart.
Tradition.
I thought there was a boycott on tradition.
It'll make tomorrow more special.
Mmm.
I can't wait to hear your vows.
Mmm! And I can't wait to hear yours.
Do you want to run them by me? And spoil the surprise? But I can tell you one thing.
Mm? As of tomorrow, you have to obey me.
Oh, nice try.
Hey! Look it up.
I only have to honour you.
(DOOR CLOSES) Oi! Not in front of the parental.
Dad! I thought you'd gone.
Well, your mum had her turn.
Came back to spend some quality time alone with my little girl.
Ran into Carbo first! Yeah.
Big Pat's been giving me advice on the shop.
Well, stick with it, mate, and when the flower trade picks up, maybe you can find a job for Ben.
Well, alright, then.
I'll leave you guys to it.
See ya.
I better get next door.
See you tomorrow.
You don't have to go through with this.
(SIGHS) Don't even start.
He's got no drive, no plans.
How's he supposed to look after you? Don't worry.
We'll make do.
You're a bright girl, Melissa.
Hardworking, ambitious.
Proudest day of my life was when you got into nursing.
Why? 'Cause then I could marry a doctor? You're too bloody smart to waste your time on someone who's not on your level.
Three years later and you still haven't forgiven me, have you? You didn't have to come to the wedding.
You still don't.
But I am marrying Ben tomorrow, however you feel about him, because I love him.
Your wedding.
Your funeral.
BEN: Like they say, the best test of a guy's character is how he acts under pressure.
OK, so, that's probably about being at war - Afghanistan or somewhere - but the idea's the same.
Goodnight, Mel.
Mel, are you asleep? I'm not.
(DOG HOWLS) I'll take that as a yes.
(DOOR OPENS) Uh, Ben? Darling, what are you doing? I can't sleep.
Well, it's nearly midnight.
You should be in bed.
I should be in bed.
What about you, eight-months-up-the-duff lady? Oh, I'm just finishing off a few things.
You're doing too much.
No! Not for my son's wedding.
I'll turn in soon.
So should you.
Hey, Mum I'm not a loser, am I'? What? Of course you're not a loser.
Why would you even think that'? I justl want to make sure I'm good enough for Mel.
Aww.
Darling, of course you are.
Any woman would be lucky to have you.
Mel just got in first, that's all.
And she loves you just the way you are, trust me.
Come on.
I'll make you a cup of tea with a bottle of whisky chaser.
I don't think alcohol's the solution.
Oh, I do.
You need your beauty sleep so you can make us all cry tomorrow.
I bet you dad he'll crack first.
My money's on Dad winning that one.
Yeah.
I'll be in in a sec.
OK.
Hey, Mum? Thanks.
BEN: In less than 12 hours, I was making the biggest commitment of my life and I still couldn't find the right words.
Alright.
We got the hair straightener, hair dryer, curling wands You got the glosses'? Yes.
Every colour? Yes.
Good.
Oh, good morning, ladies.
Nice day for a white wedding.
Is she up? The bride is ready and waiting for her hair and make-up team.
How's the groom? You haven't seen him? No.
We haven't seen him since last night.
Someone must have heard him get up, close the door.
There's no point making a fuss over nothing.
He's probably just gone for a walk.
He's been gone for a long time.
Ben, hi.
Umjust wondering.
Carbo's here, ready to kick things off.
You're not.
Just wondering where you are.
No stress.
Just call us when you can.
What's going on? What's.
.
.
'? What's going on? We can't find Ben.
CARBO: He's been gone for ages.
The guy steps out for five minutes and everyone's on high alert.
There's nothing to worry about.
Yeah.
No, no, we need to find him.
No, no, Mum.
This is mountain/molehill territory.
No, I spoke to him last night.
He was in a really weird mood, so How weird? Well, we just need to find him, OK'? And, um, try not to let Mel know.
Right.
Wow.
You are so relaxed.
I was a mess on my wedding day.
Nerves or excitement? Fear - that Mum's hair and make-up team would make me look like something out of a Little Miss Australia pageant.
(ALL LAUGH) (DOOR OPENS) There's no danger of that happening today, Mel.
You're perfectly safe with us.
Yes.
Oi! What are you doing here? Hey, I just Girls only! Go back and braid Benny's hair or whatever.
VVell, no, I just wanted to check that everything's above board here.
Above board? Mm.
You know, you guys are all good.
You know, you don't need any extra champagne or anything? We're fine.
Good.
Hey, um, Benno didn't swing past here before to grab his suit or whatever? Not that I know of.
Isn't he next door with you? Yeah! Of course he is.
He just said he wanted a tiething.
He must have snuck in and out without you noticing.
OK.
Look, I'd better head back to the boys.
And Ben, who is waiting.
You look tops, Mel.
Eye shadow.
Close your eyes.
Carbo, where the hell is Ben? We don't know.
He's gone.
What'?! He's not 'gone' gone.
But he's 'not answering his phone' gone.
Rachel, you gotta make sure Mel doesn't find out, OK'? Just until we know what's going on.
OK.
Alright.
But I want updates every five minutes, OK'? Sure.
What's going on? I'll be on the mobile.
If you find him, call me.
Yeah.
You too.
Come on, Ben.
Where are you? (PHONE RINGS) BEN: Life throws all kinds of pressure at you.
We're expected to know exactly what to say.
So, what happens when we don't? Ben, what the hell are you doing? Everyone's waiting for you.
I know.
Come on! You gotta get dressed.
Let's go.
I can't write my vows.
I haven't even started yet.
If that's not a sign, what is? That's not a sign that you shouldn't get married.
It's a sign that you want to do it right.
It's a good sign! Shouldn't it just come naturally if I really loved her? Kat said all this stuff the other night.
What did Kat say? That Mel deserves better than someone who manages a bar.
(SCOFFS) This is Kat the psycho? The one that tried to split you and Mel up, then robbed your house and now strips for a living? Why do you care what she thinks? She wasn't the only one.
Mel's dad said it too.
Right.
So, what are you saying? That you don't want to marry Mel? Why are we rushing into this? You were the one that wanted to rush it, remember? Get married as soon as you could.
I know.
I just OK, Ben.
You've gotta Far out.
You've gotta work with me here.
You've got cold feet.
It's normal.
Everyone gets them.
Did you? Well, not like this.
But I didn't sleep at all the night before.
That's not the same.
Look, if what you're saying here is that you're having second thoughts, then I gotta tell you - the consequences are pretty full-on.
I know.
I just want you to think it through.
What do you think I'm doing? JULIE: And he just went for a walk.
Nathan's with him and I'm sure they'll meet us at the park soon.
Yeah, and you don't need to be there for a while, anyway.
You know - it's fashionable for a bride to be late.
It's OK, Rachel.
He'll be there.
Mother of the bride.
Is it safe to come in'? Julie! Hello! How's our groom this morning'? Oh, he's fine.
Doesn't your father look handsome, Melissa? Well, not every day your daughter gets married, eh, poodle? Gotta make some effort.
Alright, don't stress, it's all under control.
But Nathan thinks you might have to push the ceremony back by a bit.
What do you mean, âpush it back"? Has something happened? We might just We're gonna go check on the dress.
Ben's just running a bit late.
You've gotta be kidding me.
How late? I told you, didn't I'? This wedding was never gonna happen! He's as bloody useless as I thought he was! Stop it, Dad! Ben is not gonna let me down.
Pat, please.
You go to the park and I will meet you there.
Now, look Enough! We haven't come all this way for you and Melissa to fall out again.
UmI'll leave you to it.
OK'? Right.
The wedding starts in an hour and you need to get dressed.
If you don't mind, I'd like to help you.
If that's OK.
Should we call the celebrant, let her know what's going on? Nah.
He'll be there.
Isn't it tradition for the best man to marry the bride if the groom doesn't show'? It's an urban legend.
Not that I wouldn't.
But this was meant to be the best wedding ever and Ben's missing.
Nathan'll knock some sense into him.
It'll be alright.
Yeah, I know.
Me and Carbo will head down the park.
Can't go without Ben.
He'll meet us there.
Now, have you got the rings? Yeah, of course.
Good.
Um Carbo.
Uh Um Good to go! Come on.
We'll catch up with you.
Oh, no.
You're kidding me.
Oh, no! The cake! It sunk! Calm down.
It's OK! No, Dad, it's not OK! Oh.
Julie? I'm OK.
It's nothing.
No, it's not.
I'll call the doctor.
Dad, don't.
I'm fine.
I'm just I'm just a bit stressed, that's all.
All the more reason to call the doctor! I'm not gonna miss the wedding, alright?! I'm serious, Julie.
After Nathan's wedding and what happened with your mother No.
Look, I'm alright.
I just need to have a rest once this is over, OK'? So, let me Let's just fix the cake and we'll get to the park, OK'? Can you do me up? You always have been your dad's favourite.
You know'? Lucky me.
He's a good man.
A good husband.
Maybe not such a good father.
Maybe neither of us were cut out to be parents.
We do care about you, though.
I know.
There.
(CH UCKLES) You look.
.
.
beautiful.
Really? Oh, dear.
(CAR HORN TOOTS) (LAUGHS) RACHEL: Hey, Mel, taxi's here.
Oh.
(BOTH LAUGH) Let's go.
Oh, Mel, we're so sorry.
We should have cancelled it.
I'm gonna tell the driver.
So, the bride's there before the groom.
I never wanted to go traditional, anyway.
I'll get your bouquet.
Thanks, Mum.
Carbo left the flowers on the fridge.
Mel, you look so beautiful.
Thank you.
Umany chance you want to stand next to me while I wait for Ben? In the park? Yeah.
I might need moral support in front of all 15 guests.
Are you asking us to be your unofficial bridesmaids? Absolutely not.
Just to stand with me, that's all.
Oh, and maybe take my flowers at the start of the ceremony? Sure.
Mm-hm.
And maybe sign the registry.
That's all.
OK.
Well, as long as it's not traditional, then OK.
Well, then, let's get going.
My groom must be on his way by now.
OK.
BEN: Mel had absolute faith in me.
I wish I could have said the same for myself.
If you want me to, I will drive you to the airport, no questions asked.
And I'll deal with the fallout at home.
Seriously? Yeah.
And if you want me to pass on a message to Mel, I will.
But it has to be in your words.
I am not making it up.
So, what is it that you want to say to her? Th-that's just the problem.
I don't know.
OK, uhtell me this, Ben - you love her, correct? Yes.
She loves you.
Yep.
And she knows everything about you and she still wants to marry you? Hey, don't sound so surprised.
I'm not, idiot.
That's my point - forget about what everyone said.
I guarantee that when you are asked to say your vows, you'll know exactly what to say.
But what if I don't? What if I screw it all up? Who cares? Just say that you love her and you want to marry her.
It's simple.
Now, Mel is waiting.
So, what's it gonna be'? Is it gonna be the airport or the park? SONG: There's a chapel deep in a valley For travelling strangers in distress It's nestled amongst the I don't understand.
Why is Melissa here first? You don't think Ben's done the runner, do you? If he's not here, he'd better keep running.
He doesn't want me catching up with him.
Melissa can look after herself.
I don't know what your problem with Ben is, but take it from me, he's a great bloke.
A great bloke who skips his own wedding.
There's still time.
So, if you could please move inside Big Pat.
Take me in, under your skin Bury me deep in love Benno A little congregation gathers Prays for guidance from above Oh, Dave, this is ridiculous.
Leave it, Jules.
She's here for Ben, as she should be.
So, you're going to ignore her at the reception as well? We're not that kind of family.
Chel, hey.
You need to be with us.
No, no.
I'll be fine here.
Come on.
You missed Dave's wedding.
You can at least share Ben's with him.
It's bad enough Ben's out there, acting like a twit.
I'm not taking it from the adults too, so sort it out, you two.
Dave.
Benno! Bury me deep in love Bury me deep in your love, darling Deeper and deeper Deeper and deeper Deeper and deeper in love (PANTS) You said you wanted non-traditional.
I knew you'd be here.
You may lose me on the west I may be covered over in the night I love your generosity, your kindness even your stupid jokes.
Thank you for giving me your heart, an amazing home and a loving family.
I can't wait to make a family of our own.
Whatever happens in the future, I know we'll face it together.
I love you.
BEN: This was it.
My big moment.
Make or break.
And I still had no clue what! was gonna say.
I, Ben, take you, Melissa, to be my wife.
To have and to hold from this day forward.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
And as far as I'm concerned, not even then.
BEN: The words came.
So much for non-traditional.
But, hey - if it was good enough for my parents Bury me deep in love (APPLAUSE) Oi! You're not supposed to do thatyet.
We're not very traditional.
Deeper and deeper Deeper and deeper Bury me deep in love.
Excuse me! Excuse Oi, everybody! Ladies and gentlemen, let me present the bride and groom, my best mate Ben Rafter and his drop-dead gorgeous, beautiful wife, Melissa Bannon! Whoo! I didn't know she was gonna keep her name.
She always did have an independent streak.
Everyone, count to three.
I've got something special for the couple too.
Alright, one ALL: Twothree! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! That's amazing! Thank you! Congratulations, Ben, You made a great choice.
BEN: One last challenge of the day.
Hold on just one second.
Welcome to our little family.
Thank you.
You got cold feet, didn't you? Yeah, I did.
But not about loving Melissa.
About not being good enough for her.
Can't imagine where I got that idea from.
But you turned up anyway.
Yep.
'Cause I figured it out.
Whether you like it or not, I am good enough for Mel.
And I do have a plan for the future.
It's all about my wife.
Well, I guess you've got balls after all.
Thanks, Pat.
(CRUNCH!) Call me Big Pat.
BE N: And just like that, all the pressure of the past few weeks disappeared.
('SAY HEY (I LOVE YOU)' BY MICHAEL FRANTI PLAYS) âNot even death do us part", huh? That was really beautiful.
Yeah.
Took me ages to get those words just right.
(WHISPERS) Hey, have I told you that you're the hottest bride in history? (GIGGLES) Feel free to keep saying it.
About today, I'm sorry.
I just needed time.
It's OK.
I know.
You don't have to explain.
That's one of the many reasons why I love you.
You're not so bad yourself in the right light.
I mean, it wasit was beautiful.
In a visual sense, OK'? So, I get that.
Two souls coming together and connecting finally and all that.
But who really believes all the fanfare about two people wanting to spend the rest of their lives together? Well, I do.
Are you surprised? A little bit.
And I reckon I'm not the only one who believes in all the fanfare.
No, darling.
Come on! Oh, darling, I can't Ohlook at the size of me! I'm not asking you to tango.
It's alright.
I'm gonna take up half the dance floor.
Yeah.
You'll look like a big beautiful egg.
So, two down, one to go, eh? Well, that's if and when Rachel ever decides to conform to the masses.
And it's two down Oh, sorry, bubs.
.
.
two to go.
You mind if I dance with my son? Oh, Chel, you're a lifesaver.
I'll sit back down.
May I'? Yeah, sure.
If you can keep up.
Is Sammy's mum hitting on my dad? Where? Wait! Don't look.
TED: Come on.
Speech! Alright, alright, alright.
Um Thank you, everyone, for sharing today with meand the missus.
(LAUGHTER) There's just a few special mentions.
Melissa's parents flew all the way from Perth to make sure I was good enough for their daughter.
It was a big deal, so that's a big thanks to Big Pat.
And Linda, thank you.
Carbo! My best mate, and my best man, thank you.
Love you, mate.
I know.
(LAUGHTER) To the most amazing, supportive family anyone could ever wish for.
To my new grandmother, Chel.
And to my nan, Louise.
I know you're up there, looking down on us.
Well said, mate.
A toast! To Ben and Melissa! ALL: Ben and Melissa! (CHEERING) Oh, one more thing.
Nathan and Sammy never got to have their wedding reception.
So, I figure better late than never.
Come on, guys.
This is your cake too.
OK, no-one move.
We've got five seconds.
Ready? Smile! End of an era, Benno.
No more swinging singles.
It'll be different, mate, but just as good.
Thanks.
Not just for the flowers but, you know, for everything.
Anything for a mate.
Well, not just any mate.
The best mate anyone can have.
You crying'? No! You are! You're crying! I can see it.
Come here.
Mate, it's just raining on my face.
Oh, yeah.
Inside.
You alright? Yeah, fine.
Time for you to leave.
Long drive.
Thanks for the car.
No worries.
See ya! Bye, darling.
Drive safely.
Have a great time! Bye! Welcome to your new life, Mrs Rafter.
I meanMs Bannon.
You can call me Mrs Rafter in private.
Good.
Whee! DAVE: Oh, Carbo, you forgot to tie the cans on! Oh, I was emotional, alright? BEN: When the pressure's finally off, everyone can relax.
Usually, that's a good thing.
But when it's been the only thing keeping you upright Jules? Dave, I think you need to call an amb (ALL GASP) Julie! Mum? Someone call an ambulance.