Stuck in the Middle (2016) s02e19 Episode Script

1 Mother, Father, the beautiful giants on whose shoulders - I'm privileged to - What do you want? The Morelands need a new babysitter for their triplets.
Their old babysitter just left for college.
Girlfriend's sleeping on a stack of cash instead of a bed.
Three kindergarteners are a lot to handle.
I've babysat Lewie, Beast and Daphne.
It's time for me to take those skills and go professional.
You've only watched the Terror Trio for a couple of hours.
Never all evening.
You're welcome, by the way.
And just because you wanna do something doesn't mean you're ready to do it.
I need to borrow the car to go to a bonfire party.
Don't worry, it's on the beach, so if it gets out of hand, there'll be plenty of water to put it out.
Exhibit A.
Aren't you forgetting something? Right.
Can you kick me down a 20 for gas? You're babysitting the littles tonight.
Your dad and I actually got invited to the neighborhood association meeting.
Maybe that last big rain convinced 'em that we finally washed our car.
It's a pot luck.
They say the food at those meetings is phenomenal.
One time, I looked through a hole in the fence.
I thought I saw a nine-layer dip.
That's two more layers than I knew existed.
And I can't say I'm thrilled about you going to a party where fire is the central theme.
Wait, wait.
You're going to Ann Donovan's bonfire? How'd you get invited to that? Because I'm not you guys.
It doesn't matter.
Rachel's not going alone.
The buddy system will keep her safe.
Georgie and I can go to the party with her.
Yeah, we'll buddy up, as is the way of the system.
And I'll babysit Lewie, Beast and Daphne while the buddies go to the party.
Buddies, no.
Harley babysitting, yes.
See? Even Rachel agrees with me.
Well, kind of.
Please give me this one shot.
If I can wrangle the Terror Trio, I'm qualified to babysit anyone.
And if anything goes wrong, you're right next door.
- Okay.
- Yes! But only because I am very excited about this buffet.
I promise I won't let you down.
I had no idea this was coming.
- Now I take a left? - GEORGIE: A left, right.
[CRASHING.]
Good thing I'm an inventor, not a fortune teller.
Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like things are outta control Like you're living in a circus Tryin' to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kinda perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the games begin, let's jump right in I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you PLEASE NOTE: The home was delivered to me with a chip in the coffee table, - a bite mark on the chair.
- What are you doing? If I'm being judged on my babysitting tonight, it's important I return the house in the condition it was given.
Grape juice stain on the rug.
I thought that was part of the pattern.
You're really bumming me out.
Now if you'll follow me upstairs, I'd like to point out several troubling smells I'm also not responsible for.
I'll take your word for it.
I'm trying not to kill my appetite before this dinner.
Honey, the dip is getting cold.
Or warm.
I have no idea how they serve it.
Wait.
Where are my house key? Oh, allow me.
I've been working on something for such an emergency.
No one should have to stick their hands down our couch cushions.
Dad was taking a nap on the couch earlier, so What's happening? Are you a witch? Don't be a witch on the one night we get to go out.
I'm calling it the Magna-Wow.
And this is it on its weakest setting.
If I reverse the polarity, well Check it.
Whoa.
Neat trick.
But no tinkering with potentially dangerous inventions on the job.
Focus on the potentially dangerous humans.
I'll be fine.
With me, the Terror Trio will be Harley's Angels.
Time to break out all the fun stuff Mom and Dad say no to.
And Harley says yes.
I can't believe she's babysitting us for the whole night.
She lets us do whatever we want.
So, what are you feeling? Vacuum cleaner rodeo? I was more in a strawberry cannon type of mood.
Excellent choice.
You know, for a babysitter, Harley really knows how to have fun.
It's like she just gets us.
It's like she's family.
Did you hear Harley's babysitting? I'd love to sneak in some freeze tag.
I've got a ton of ice ready to go.
Isn't that kind of a big purse? We're just going next door.
It's for leftovers.
Hot and cold sections.
So I lined my pockets with tin foil for nothing.
You'll thank me later.
So good to see you, Bethany.
- Thanks for the invite.
- Of course.
What neighborhood topic are we discussing tonight? Your family.
I wish this was a daytime beach party, 'cause I did, like, 30 pushups yesterday.
Don't say that to anyone.
See, this is why I don't wanna babysit you two.
You wouldn't even be going to this thing if it weren't for us.
Pfft.
Babysitting.
Ooh, a juice box! It's goofy grape.
Don't say that either.
Don't worry.
Having us along is going to be better than you think.
Look, I found us a shortcut.
Uh, let's see.
At this street, you're gonna wanna take a right.
Or is it a left? Georgie, it's coming up.
Sorry, the reception's not great.
I think it's a left, but the little dotty thing that's supposed to be us keeps jumping all over the map.
Stay on the road, little dotty thing.
You're a little dotty thing.
- Now I take a left? - Right.
Right.
[CRASHING.]
ETHAN: You hit the curb! I meant right as in correct.
Yeah, left was the way to go.
LEWIE: What should we play with first? Uh-oh.
They're expecting fun-time babysitter Harley.
But tonight, I've got something to prove.
I'm going to have to hide professional Harley in a fun-time wrapper.
So what cool thing we gonna do? Nunchaku baseball? Beast, the blindfolded barber? Today, I'm ready to cut some bangs.
Great ideas, guys.
But since tonight's more of a practice run for the Moreland triplets, I've got some new moves.
First stop, whoo whoo! Dinner junction.
- Are we gonna do blue dinner again? - BOTH: Yeah! BEAST: That was an awesome blue mess.
HARLEY: We are going to kick it up a notch.
White dinner! Underrated and super clean.
Did you peel these chicken nuggets? Who needs that messy bread coating when you can get quicker to the fun? - And what's more fun than - Can we have our toys back? Guys, Harley wouldn't just serve us boring old chicken nuggets.
I bet you chew the top off one of these bad boys, and your mouth turns frog green.
Anything? Nope.
Just the same old bad breath.
Come on, give me a little credit.
When do I not have a cool activity or two up my sleeve? Who do you think I am Ethan? Hey, what if we grab our strawberry cannons and go play Beast Hunt? Last time we played that, it was awesome.
LEWIE: There he is! Hurry! Get him! It's jammed! Yeah, hit it! HARLEY: If you liked Beast Hunt, you're gonna love Beast hunts for laundry, and everybody else helps, too.
Go on, shoot it in.
Oh, two points! One for each sock.
Harley, I don't wanna point out the obvious here, but you are clearly losing the room.
Who says there isn't anything hidden in the laundry? I found something hidden in the laundry.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Hey, what about your super magnet? We could tie a couple of golf clubs to the bottom of our skim boards, and skim around like space pilots.
Or you could quietly skim through some books and get ready for bed.
Quietly?! Books?! Bed?! This toothpaste only tastes like mint.
Remember the days she'd make it taste like nacho cheese or cotton candy? I think she's trying to trick us.
I bet she's saving the blue dinners and strawberry cannons and magnetic whatever-it-is for those snot-nosed Moreland triplets.
Let's face it.
The Harley we know and love is gone.
And whoever this phony is is gonna pay.
DAPHNE: Harley! I don't feel good.
I hope it wasn't the chicken nuggets.
At least, I think they were chicken nuggets.
Our white food supply was low.
I found them in a plastic bag I had to chip out of the freezer.
ETHAN: This has been a fun few hours.
RACHEL: Thanks for the shortcut.
I wouldn't have been able to find the fastest route to a flat tire on my own.
Much like in any game she plays, Georgie has dropped the ball.
But Ethan's here to scoop up her fumble and score.
Wow.
From everything you're saying, you'd think you'd been to more of my games.
Do you even know how to change a tire? All that body spray doesn't exactly scream pit crew.
One, that's my natural scent.
- And two, Dad showed me.
- Hmm.
Funny.
When I dropped the ball, at least it wasn't down a storm drain.
No worries.
It's perfectly safe to drive with one missing lug nut.
Okay, two is a different story, but one that can still have a great ending.
The only great ending is if this is a dream, and I wake up at the party without you two.
So close.
Maybe if I can kick the closer.
Almost got 'em.
And we'll be outta here in And I'm stuck.
All right, it's decided.
We're leaving Ethan for the wild animals.
Or we get in touch with America's heroes, the fire department, to get him out.
They'll be here in a heartbeat.
Uh, once I get cell service.
I'll go find a signal.
I didn't almost make the cross country team for nothing.
So in summary, we're asking your family to refrain from garden gnome bowling in the street, breaking people's windows, changing people's televisions with the remote through windows.
A lot on this list dealing with windows.
I'll just skip down to, yes, farting through a megaphone.
Now, who wants a mini quiche? Spoilers, it's a Lorraine.
I'm gonna take some extra meatballs.
They can add "eats too much at parties" to the list.
And takes roast chicken for spite.
- Harley.
- What's wrong? I have an ouchie in my tum-tum.
And my leg.
And my arm.
Really? You're running out of body parts, and I'm not sold yet.
Cut to the chase.
I'm not in the mood for games.
Playtime is over, Harley.
We gave you a chance, but you spit in our face.
We really wanted you to be a good babysitter, but you went the other way.
The boys didn't mind.
They're already in bed.
Are they? You know that moment in an action movie, when it suddenly dawns on the hero she's been double crossed? Yeah, that's now.
Oh, I don't see this turning out well.
Which one would you like to try first? Double thick barbecue, or "you'll never get out the stain" mustard? Tough decision.
Which one's more sticky? Booby trap! Nice save.
It'll be your last.
Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go! - To the lair! - Go, go, go, go, go! No way out, dummies.
Unless you built a tunnel.
I really hope they didn't build a tunnel.
I'm just trying to do my job here.
I don't wanna be the bad guy.
But if I wanna be taken seriously as a babysitter, I'm going to have to set some boundaries.
You guys get that, right? - Absolutely.
- Totally.
You know, if you tie us up like dogs, we'll go to the bathroom like dogs.
And this dog needs to be taken for a walk.
The old "I've gotta potty" trick? I'm not falling for that bluff.
Great.
Enjoy cleaning bluff off the couch.
Come on.
- I have to go, too.
- Give it a rest, Beast.
Do you think I'm that stupid? Yes.
I live by one rule.
Never hide all your strawberry cannons in the same spot.
All right.
Everybody calm down.
Let's compromise.
Maybe we can do an off-white dinner.
Let me start now.
Eat fruit, Harley.
You're done! - Yeah! - Attack! - Lock the door, Daphne.
- Lock her in with my hair tie.
Let me out of here! No, no, put that back in your hair! Everything tastes better out of a cannon.
Come on, guys, stop it.
It's not funny anymore.
What's going on out there? The whole house is ours! DAPHNE: We can do whatever we want.
To the Magna-Wow! Ha ha! No! Stop! Don't touch my Magna-Wow.
[SCREECHING.]
If I don't get out of here, the Moreland triplets will never know how great a babysitter I am.
I mean, you know, besides today.
This is bad.
Come on, come on.
There's gotta be something in here to help me get out.
Where are you going with that? I'm gonna jam this grapefruit full of paper clips and washers, and see if I can hit the moon.
Stop! Stop abusing science! Merry Christmas to me.
Enjoy space, teddy bear.
Okay, here we go.
We probably should've given him an oxygen tank.
Oh, yeah.
I know this has been a lot.
I just want you to know, we're all on your side, which is why you'll probably need a picture of this.
I'm gonna forward it to everyone.
[CELL PHONES CHIMING.]
Enough! We are not a pothole that needs to be fixed, or a corner that needs a stop sign.
We are good people.
Why are we being singled out? From the grapefruit tree.
Let's flip the switch on this puppy, and see if we can get all the stuff back.
Are you guys out of your mind? Do you know how powerful that magnet is? This swing set has been through seven Diaz kids.
It's barely holding together.
We're lucky only one bolt came out.
[LOUD CREAKING.]
I wonder what's taking Georgie so long.
[CHUCKLES.]
Georgie with the directions, me trapped in here.
When we get to that party, we are going to laugh and laugh.
Which I can't do because I'm starting to lose feeling in my foot.
[SIGHS.]
[SIREN WAILING.]
We're saved! Heard you guys could use some help.
Wait, we're not talking about chopping my foot off, are we? Thank you so much.
Oh, no worries.
I lost a sneaker, and I might have poison oak, but I found us a signal.
No, for him.
That junior fire fighter's cute.
I never thought I'd go for a guy in reflective pants.
Well, I hope you're happy.
Look at what you did.
We did? This is your fault.
Yeah, you were all, "Go to bed, brush your teeth, read a book.
" That is not how you take care of a child.
It is, and I'm not going to apologize for doing my job.
We thought we were your job.
Yeah.
You're gonna save all your cool stuff for the other kids, and it's good-bye, fun-time babysitter Harley for all of us.
And now, we really need you, because we don't have a swing set.
I think that magnet affected my brain.
Are you guys saying you're going to miss me? Don't make us say it again.
I guess I was so busy trying to be a babysitting pro, I acted like a real amateur.
Okay, so someday, I may be babysitting other people, but you'll still have fun-time Harley.
You may have been born last, but you will always come first.
Just so we're clear, you're saying that I'm first, and they're second and third? Either way.
When Mom and Dad see this mess, they'll never let me watch anyone again.
Unless we all fix it.
Yeah.
- I'll grab the board.
- Quick, before Mom and Dad get home.
We got this.
[HONKS HORN.]
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Iter pay the people you're watching over.
Sometimes it takes everything going wrong to find your way back to what's right.
Thanks for letting me use parts from the strawberry cannons to put the swing set back together.
You sacrificed your Magna-Wow to hold together our monkey bars.
It's the least we could do.
- Everybody in.
- Team Diaz.
I guess no matter how ready you think you are for something there's always room for improvement.
I know there's that whole two-day rule, but is it too soon to call that fireman? Nicely done, team.
- You still got it, Harls.
- Yeah, Harley.
Poncho five? - Yeah! - Fist bump! Dad broke the swing set.
We all saw it.
You let them break the swing set?! You are clearly not qualified to babysit outside this house, Harley.
Hey, guys.
We're home.
Then again, maybe you're just as qualified as anyone else.