Becker s02e20 Episode Script

( upbeat blues theme playing ) Dr.
Becker, I really need your help.
Well, first step is admitting it.
I got a summons for jury duty.
I can't do that.
What happens if I get on one of those big trials? I could be away from the office for months and months and months.
Dr.
Becker? Margaret? Hm? What? Oh.
What, what? Jury duty? Oh.
Oh, right, yeah.
Oh, I've been getting out of jury duty for 20 years.
I write a letter telling them I'm a health care professional, that I can't be away from the office.
Throw in a dying patient or two, and they get off my back.
But what should I do? We don't have any dying patients.
Lindawe're all dying.
Like me, now, listening to you.
Uh, write a letter.
I don't know.
Handle it, will you? Okay.
John, you know serving on a jury is a civic responsibility.
It's the price you pay for living in a democracy.
No, Margaret.
The price you pay for living in a democracy is that morons can vote, say anything they want and procreate at will.
And you're not fooling anyone with that, you know, "civic responsibility" crap.
You just want her out of your hair for a couple of weeks.
She said "months.
" ( mouthing words ) ( slow blues theme playing ) Will you look at this? I got jury duty.
And this is not the regular form.
This is a registered letter.
I mean, they nailed me.
They got me too.
That letter idea of yours didn't work at all.
And even after I said they'd been letting my boss out of it for 20 years because he made up some dying patients.
You-- You said that? Well, it's not like I used your name or anything.
You used my office stationery.
Oops.
Well, you know, why don't you just tell 'em I cheat on my taxes? You cheat on your taxes? No.
What a mess.
Now we're gonna have to shut the office down, you know, reschedule patients.
Interesting.
You told her how to get out and got yourself in.
I should check my Bible.
I'm not sure if this comes under, "do unto others," "wages of sin," or "jawbone of an ass.
" Yeah.
Put the Bible down, nobody gets hurt.
Look, we start the same day.
Maybe we'll both be involved in a big murder case.
Oh, I think there's a real good chance of that.
( slow blues theme playing ) ( upbeat blues theme playing ) ( people chattering ) Oh, my God.
Hi.
Look, there's been a mistake.
I really should be let out of this.
Sign in, sit down, and wait for your name to be called.
No, you don't understand.
I-- I can't be away from my office.
I'm a doctor.
Oh, you're a doctor.
( chuckles ) Sign in, sit down, and wait for your name to be called.
Listen to me.
Jury duty is for For them, not me.
You think you're better than those people? Don't you? All right, fine.
I know, I know.
Sign in, sit down, and wait for your name to be called.
Excuse me.
New fish, right? What? It's your first day.
Oh.
Yeah.
LeoArnold.
Oh.
It's okay.
John Becker.
Hey, don't look so miserable.
This city's great if you know how to play the system.
Yeah.
I mean, they pay us 40 a day, right? Forty dollars? Really? And that's just a start.
You see, uh, while we're sitting here, I'm not just sitting here.
Okay.
Where are you? Across town collecting welfare under the name Maria Lopez.
I'm also down at Unemployment as Tom Pappas and his brother, Nick.
I love New York.
Oh, Dr.
Becker, there you are.
Oh.
This just gets better and better.
I can't believe I'm getting paid to sit around, eat candy and do nothing.
I'd think you'd be used to it.
Yeah, but the interesting people I meet here don't sneeze on me.
Lin-- Interesting people? Where? Right here.
Claire's been married eight times.
Bill has six toes.
And Rudy over there is lactose intolerant.
How do you know all this? I've been here ten minutes.
Oh, and there's a woman over there who can blow spit bubbles out her nose.
Oh, Linda, come on.
You know-- Good heavens, look at that.
Jury selection for Courtroom B, step to the front when your name is called.
Mark Altobelli, Barbara Farkashevsky, Sidney Maltz.
Any of those you? Not today.
Oh, and-- And Linda.
You're in this group.
Thanks, Herb.
Herb's gay, and his wife doesn't know it.
Well, here goes.
I can't believe that somebody's life could hang in the balance while I make up my mind.
Ha-ha.
What a goof.
( slow blues theme playing ) Morning, Reggie.
Coffee, please.
Margaret.
It's 10:30.
No work today? With John and Linda on jury duty, I am getting my work finished in record time.
Without patients and doctors, a medical office runs like clockwork.
Yeah, Becker hasn't been in here all week either.
( relaxed sigh ) Greetings, everyone.
Well, that didn't last long.
( Margaret laughs ) So I see the loser's club has a new member.
I'm just taking a break from work.
You do remember work, don't you, Bob? Ooh.
Well, as the French say, I surrender.
Regcoffee, please.
Just put it on Bob's tab.
Don't you mean Linda's tab? Her money, my money.
What difference? It all comes from the same place.
Bob, when are you gonna get tired of sponging off Linda? Sponging off Linda.
What a lovely thought.
Mmm.
Reggie.
Has anyone ever told you that your coffee tastes a little bitter? Bitter? No.
Heh.
Well, I thought you might try adding a little chicory.
It-- It gives coffee a nice flavor.
Chicory, huh? Well, maybe I'll give that a try.
Thanks.
You know they sell chicory at the market across the street.
You could go get some now.
I'm a little busy right now.
You might actually be busy if you put a little chicory in your coffee.
You know, Margaret, I do believe the place down the block puts a little chicory in their coffee.
( loud honking, tires screeching ) MAN: What the hell are you doing?! You could have killed me! REGGIE: That's Jake.
JAKE: What are you, blind?! ( truck drives off ) What happened? Some truck almost hit me.
Are you hurt? Do-- Do you need anything? Oh, Margaret, no.
I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okay.
I mean, I'm just trying to walk across the damn street.
Well, let me get you a glass of water.
You know, specs, that was a close call.
Maybe it's time you found another way to get around.
Good idea, Bob.
I'll buy a car.
Bob was talking about you getting a Seeing Eye dog.
Oh, no, I don't want a damn dog.
I've been getting along fine without one for ten years.
My cane works just fine.
You mean, that white stick with the tire tracks across it? Come on, let Bob get you a dog.
I know a guy.
Yeah, that's exactly what Jake needs: a dog that just fell off a truck.
No, not like that at all.
Although if anyone needs a bread maker, I know another guy.
The dog I'm talking about belonged to my mom's boyfriend over at the home: old man Czerny.
He died last week.
Thanks anyway, Bob.
I don't want a dog.
Well, maybe you should think about it.
You-- You were almost killed out there.
I'll stick with my cane.
I don't want to walk down the street with a dog and have people say, "Oh, here comes that blind guy.
" And what do you think they say now: "Here comes Tiger Woods and his nine iron?" ( slow blues theme playing ) Well, that's that.
I walked in, lawyer asked me what I did for a living, I told him I was a doctor, and they said I was excused.
Leo, Maria-- whatever your name is --nice knowing you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's not how it works.
You were excused, not dismissed.
What's the difference? Look, if you get on a case, chances are you're outta here in a few days.
But if you don't, you're stuck sitting here for two whole weeks.
Then I wanna get on a case.
Well, then you shouldn't have told 'em you were a doctor.
Well, unlike you, I only have one identity.
Look, your problem is you let 'em know you were smart.
That was stupid.
What am I supposed to do? Go in there and pretend I'm stupid? That would be smart.
You mean I gotta sit in this room for two weeks 'cause they don't want people who are educated, informed, intelligent? You know, who do they want? Guess what? I got on a jury.
Well, there's my answer.
And guess what else? The other jurors elected me chief.
Foreman? No.
Five men and seven women.
( upbeat blues theme playing ) Mmm.
Mm.
I can't remember.
Did I mention anything to you about putting chicory in your coffee? Only every single day for over a week.
Well, I wasn't sure that you heard me.
Look, Margaret, I don't want to put chicory in the coffee.
People seem to like it just the way it is.
Oh, most people are just too nice to say anything.
Yes.
Most people are.
Jake, you settle this.
Reggie's coffee is too bitter, right? It is not.
Jake, tell her my coffee is fine.
I'd be glad to give you ladies my opinion.
If I was the stupidest man on Earth.
( slow blues theme playing ) ( soap opera theme playing on television ) Hey, can we please turn that down? I'm trying to read a book.
What? A book.
You know, cartoons without the pictures.
Shh.
About to tell who kidnapped Shannon.
So put a lid on it, Gumby.
Oh, gee, Dr.
Becker.
You're still here.
Yes, Linda.
I still haven't been picked for a jury.
Oh, well, don't take it personally.
It doesn't mean you're not special.
You're just special in a different way.
Thanks for the pep talk.
You should feel lucky.
You get to relax and watch the soaps.
Since I haven't been at work, I never get to watch them.
We don't have a TV at work.
Oh, right.
We don't have a TV in the storeroom.
What was I thinking? So if you'll excuse me, as the leader of my jury, I have to select today's lunch.
I'm thinking Chinese.
After all, the murderer is Chinese.
Sorry, sorry.
"Allegedly" Chinese.
Armand Bogdassarian, Marge Kendall, Charlotte Morgan Simon Borkman John Becker.
Hey.
That's you.
Or is that me? No.
No, that's you.
Go ahead.
Good luck.
I don't need luck.
I'm gonna get on this jury by being exactly who I am.
I'm an educated, well-read, intelligent individual.
MAN: Dr.
Becker, I'm going to ask you the same question we ask all prospective jurors.
Do you feel you can be fair and impartial in this case? Absolutely.
As a matter of fact, I'm currently reading a book by a noted law professor on ethics and the law.
MAN: Excused.
( slow blues theme playing ) WOMAN: So do you feel you can be fair and impartial? Actually, I'm-- I'm reading a book on legal ethics.
WOMAN: Excused.
MAN 2: So you'd have no problem being impartial? I'm reading a book-- MAN 2: Excused.
I can't even say "book"? Hello, everybody.
Let me introduce you to Rocky.
Oh.
He's gorgeous.
Ha-ha.
What a sweetheart.
What a coat.
Oh.
Please, God, let Rocky be a dog.
Now I know you said you didn't want a guide dog, but I figured what could it hurt to give him a try.
Hey, listen, I don't want a damn dog.
( laughing ): Hi there, fella.
Okay, now what if I did want a dog, now? Wha-- What's the catch? No catch.
Can't a guy help another guy just to get a good feeling from doing something nice? No, really, I'm asking.
Ah, what the hell.
Guess it couldn't hurt to take him out for a spin.
Uh, Jake, I think you need a lot of training to have a guide dog.
Between the two of them, they got six legs and two eyes.
Let them work it out.
Wellif anyone asks, I'll be having a cup of coffee down the block.
Hey.
I serve coffee.
Oh, yeah.
Heh.
I'll be back.
Well, here's an idea.
Why don't you put some chicory in your-- Margaret.
Here's an idea for you.
Get off my back.
Well, forgive me for trying to help you improve your business.
My business is fine.
Ha! What business? Do I actually have to put chicory in the coffee to get you to shut up? One scoop in each pot.
You just don't give up, do you? You know, if you two would continue this fight in a vat of creamed corn, Bob would never have to go back to a certain club in Queens again.
( slow blues theme playing ) ( soap opera theme playing on television ) So like I was saying, on Friday night, I tell my son-in-law, you can't find a job if you don't look for a job.
Frankly-- Shh.
Some of us are trying to find out if Donna's really dead.
John Becker.
This won't take long.
Tell me what happens, will you? MAN: This case involves a same-sex relationship.
Do you have any feelings about that? ( sighs ) Well, it's not as taboo as it once was.
I mean, just now on The Young and the Restless, Clay and Brett had a very nice commitment ceremony.
MAN: We accept this juror.
What? Really? I'm accepted? Oh.
Oh, that's great.
Uh, just give me a second here.
Let me go grab my, uh-- My coat and my book.
MAN: Excused.
Oh, damn, the book! Sh-- Shoot! ( slow blues theme playing ) ( people chattering ) What's going on? There's actually people in here.
They're here for the coffee.
Yeah-- No, really.
It's true.
Word spread about how good it is.
Wait a minute.
Your coffee? Yeah.
And why is that? It's smoother and more flavorful.
And why is that? Because I added chicory.
And whose suggestion was that? You're like a pit bull with this thing.
You won't let it go.
All right, it-- It was all your idea.
You get all the credit.
Are you happy? Now I am.
( door opens ) So, Jake, how'd it go with the dog? Oh, Bob, you were right.
This dog is amazing.
Sit.
Sit.
Huh? I mean, he stops at corners, he opens doors.
A-- Already knows the whole neighborhood.
So you really like him, huh? Oh, I love him.
But I gotta give him back.
I don't get it.
You just said he was terrific.
Why would you want to give him-- Whoa! Oh, my Lord! What is that? Hey, that wasn't me.
That's Rocky.
And he's just warming up.
( groans ) ( people groaning ) That's horrible.
Yeah, and this is a big room.
Try being alone with him in my tiny little apartment.
He slept on the bed.
I slept on the fire escape.
Woo-woo-woo.
REGGIE: Maybe you should take him to a vet.
Oh, yeah, that is definitely a medical condition.
I suppose I could take him to the vet.
I mean, after all, he is so smart, he is so sweet, and-- Oh, my God.
Oh, man! Oh! A-- All right, Bob.
Take the dog, take the dog.
Oh, man.
Bob understands.
He also understands what killed old man Czerny.
I'll take him back to his family.
They live in Jersey.
They'll never know the difference.
Come on.
Come on, baby.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
Hey.
Hey, goodbye.
Goodbye, old fella.
I mean, it's not your fault that-- BOTH: Oh.
All right, get him out.
Get him out.
Man.
Ugh.
BOB: Rocky, no.
Not again.
Hey, this door's stuck.
Rocky! Cut it out! Hey! Oh, Reggie! Rocky! Reggie! Reggie! Cut it out! Reggie! ( blues theme playing ) No, no, no.
You couldn't be more wrong.
Your entire thesis is built on a foundation that's shaky at best.
It's a simple matter of quid pro quo.
You are way off base here, Becker.
Oh, look.
If Clay put Jocelyn through college, at least she should agree to have his and Brett's baby.
Oh, you know-- MAN ( on P.
A.
): William Miller.
Letisha Sanders.
Raji Sanjayarwati.
That "arwa-tee.
" "Arwa-tee.
" John Becker.
Oh.
( sighs ) What courtroom is it this time, Herb? A or B? Neither.
You're dismissed.
Oh.
What, they're rejecting me now before I even go in? Not "excused.
" "Dismissed.
" Oh.
Really? I-I-- I can go home? Haven't you had enough? Wellokay.
I get-- You know something? It's-- It's really not okay.
Do you realize that I spent two weeks doing absolutely nothing? And the city thanks you for your service.
My service? Yeah, can you explain to me how my sitting on my butt for two weeks doing absolutely nothing is a service to anyone? You know, no wonder the courts are so screwed up.
You know, they have no use for anyone with a brain or an education.
And forget it if you actually make the mistake of admitting that you've read a book.
There, I said it! I read books! Place is like a prison.
No, you know-- ( scoffs ) That's not true.
You know, prison's a lot better.
At least they have books, you know, and-- And weights and Ping-Pong.
Better yet, they have sex.
Once again, the city thanks you-- Yeah, yeah.
Forget it, Herb.
You know? I'm outta here.
But before I go, let me just say something.
You know, your system may have bent me, but it did not break me.
'Cause I'm going out into a world that-- That wants my talents.
That values my intelligence, instead of punishing me for it.
'Cause out there I can make a difference.
( soap opera theme playing on television ) Ooh, ooh, ooh.
It's starting.
Oh.
See? See, I told-- Didn't I tell you? Jocelyn's pregnant.
This is great.
( slow blues theme playing ) ( upbeat blues theme playing )