Bizaardvark (2016) s02e20 Episode Script

1 Hey, guys! We're here with Bernie to do the Frozen T-Shirt Challenge.
We're gonna take these shirts, drench them in water, roll them into a ball, and freeze them.
The first person to put on their frozen shirt wins.
- Drench it in water first.
- All right.
It's a little cold.
- Ready? - Now we gotta freeze them.
(CLOCK TICKING, ALARM DINGS) - BERNIE: All right.
- FRANKIE: Here we go.
You ready? Yup.
- Three, two, one, go.
- (WHISTLE TRILLS) (GRUNTS) Oh, it's so hard.
Okay.
- (LAUGHING) Ah! - (BERNIE SHOUTS) Haha! I'm Ooh.
- You almost - Ooh! - What the heck? - Ah! - (SCREAMS) - No! Go! Go, go, go! - No! - That's a thumb! It's a thumb! Oh, it's so cold! Come on, guys, hurry up, - so I can take it off.
- (GRUNTS) Ah! - Oh! Oh! Oh! (SCREAMING) - No! No! No! No! - (CHEERING) - Yes! Yes! Oh, it's right here.
Yeah! So, in conclusion, I am the reigning champ.
I don't wanna put this on, it's so cold.
I did it.
BOTH: You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
Welcome to Vuuugle! Paige, you know how I feel about confetti.
It's just fancy littering.
Sorry, it wasn't for you.
Uh, my cousin, Tessa, just flew in and is gonna be here any minute.
You're right.
Jade, that new girl at school, is awful.
All right, guess I'll stop talking.
That would be nice.
I was in the middle of something.
You wouldn't believe what Jade did today.
She stole all the water in the school.
I doubt she stole all the water.
Are you accusing me of exaggerating? You weren't there when thousands of thirsty children marched through the school, begging and screaming for even a single drop of water.
So in this scenario, you just stood by and watched thousands of people die of thirst? You weren't there, you don't know the things I've seen! Jade is a bad person.
But how do you know? Have you ever talked to her? I don't need to talk to her.
Judging people is my superpower.
Some heroes can fly, some are invisible.
I can tell when someone is a bad person.
Oh, yeah.
That's the superhero movie everyone's dying to see.
The Adventures of Judgement Girl.
Hey, you attach Emma Stone, it's a hit.
Well, you're right, she is a national treasure.
Mm-hmm.
(SIGHS) Look, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.
I guarantee if you give this Jade girl a chance and actually talk to her, you'll see she's a good person.
Ugh! Fine.
But only to show you how awful she is.
Then I can hear you sing the "I Was Wrong Song.
" - That's not a thing.
- Oh, it's a thing, sister.
I was wrong I was wrong You figure out the rest.
- Paige! - Tessa! Oh, shoot.
Um Ha Welcome to Vuuugle! Uh, Frankie ruined it.
Ah, it's so nice to see you! Tessa! You ready for your tour of Vuuugle? We, uh, have a slide, - a guy with a horse face - Where's Bernie Schotz? Uh probably in his office.
Take a left at the furnace, go down to the basement, then follow the sound of crying.
Sweet! I can't wait to meet the smartest, most successful agent alive! She got the "alive" part right.
Hey, you know who else would be really good as Judgment Girl? - Hm? (GASPS) - Anna Kendrick.
She would be good.
Aw.
I thought that would be cooler.
Wow, Bernie Schotz! I'm Paige's cousin Tessa.
I'm a huge fan.
What? I mean, why? I mean, how? I mean, cool, cool.
I watched your online commercial for Bernie Schotz Entertainment like 20 times.
Your confidence is inspiring.
Yeah, I'm a pretty cool guy.
I have so many questions.
Like, what are your plans for the future? Well, I was thinking about having soup for lunch.
Okay.
That's okay.
I was actually talking about the future of your company.
It could be massive.
Just think of all the stuff you can put out there.
Movies, TV, toy Toilets! Toys.
Pfft, obviously.
That was a test.
You passed.
But it is time to take things to the next level.
Bernie Schotz Entertainment is no more.
Say hello to Bernie Schotz Entertainment and Other Stuff! Or Bernie Schotz Enterprises Enterprises! I said it first.
Hey, you're a pretty smart kid and I could use some help around here.
How would you like to be my assassin? You mean assistant? Yeah, sure, I could use one of those too.
Look at her, completely hydrated.
It's disgusting! Just go talk to her.
I bet she's way nicer than you think.
Nah, not interested.
And there's nothing you can do to make (IN DEEP VOICE): Hey, Jade, it's me, Frankie! I have glasses! No.
Aah! That's a really good impression.
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Uh, yeah.
I'm Frankie.
So you like a lot of water, huh? (GIGGLES) I know, right? I'm so sorry about this giant water bottle.
The little girl I mentor gave it to me.
I feel like if I don't use it then I'm giving up on her.
PAIGE: Aw.
Aw! (GROANS) Thanks for talking to me.
I'm new here and haven't made any friends yet.
Oh, yeah, my first day here was really hard too.
PAIGE: Aw, they're bonding! Paige, just come out.
Hey.
Uh, I'm Paige.
Just dropped something back here that took your whole conversation to find.
Oh, hey, I like your jacket.
Thanks, I got it for like five bucks at a thrift store and I zhushed it up myself.
Ooh, zhushed.
I've never said "zhushed.
" I like it.
We should say that more.
Paige Olvera, I zhush you to seven years on the Planet Zhush.
Not if I use this Zhush! BOTH: Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! You guys are so funny! Hey, I know we just met, but do you guys wanna come over to my house tomorrow and hang? Well, I'm free.
How about you, Frankie? Sure, why not? Great, I'll see you guys later.
Haha! I was right! You were wrong! Jade is nice.
Hey.
Remember when we said we'd rob that house if we ever found two idiots we could pin it on? Well, I found them.
- Zhush! - BOTH: Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! What's up guys? Paige and Frankie here.
As you know, doing things blindfolded can be tough.
But not when you spend all day practicing.
High five, Paige.
(BUZZER) Well, that was a waste of nine hours.
Today, Frankie and I are going to play We're gonna take turns being blindfolded, and then we're gonna try to make as many baskets as we can.
Are you ready? This is gonna be a mess.
Go! Close! Close, close.
Close.
Lower.
Shoot lower, lower.
No! So close, so close.
Um, a little bit, like, less.
- (LAUGHING) - Follow the sound of my voice.
- Ahh! - You I don't want to hit you.
- Ye (GROANS) Nope.
- FRANKIE: Yes! Yes.
- So I completely failed.
- (BUZZER) Let's see if Paige does any better.
To the left.
Ooh! You hit the hoop this time.
- I did? Okay.
- Just a little less aggravated.
BOTH: Aww! (GASPS, SCREAMS) BOTH: Whoo! (BOTH SCREAMING) BOTH: Whoo! - Nope.
- BOTH: Whoo! Woohoo.
No.
Woohoo! Oh! (SCREAMS) - Blindfolded! - I'm ready to start my professional basketball career with blindfolds on.
I can play with my eyes open.
- I'm the opposite.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
I can make a lot of baskets with my eyes open.
Five, six, seven, eight.
- Nope.
- (LAUGHS) - But not blindfolded.
- (PAIGE MOUTHING) (PRE-ALARM BEEPING) I feel like such a dork.
Invite new friends over, and I forget my key.
Classic Jade.
Nah, I think it's fun 'cause it feels like we're breaking the rules, but we're not.
Oh, sorry, give me a sec.
I'm just gonna go turn off the alarm.
(BEEPING CONTINUING) (BEEPING STOPS) Make yourself at home.
The kitchen is downstairs.
Wow! This house is so cool! I know, it's so fancy.
- Huh! - Hey, Jade, what should we do first? JADE: Uh, I have an idea.
How about we play a game called "How much of my mom's jewelry can I fit on my body at once?" Wait a minute.
That's not fair! You got a head start.
(GIGGLES) Well, then jump in on the fun, guys.
- (PHONE RINGING) - Oh, hang on a sec.
Just gotta grab this.
Yeah, I'm almost done.
Have the car outside in five.
Don't be late, or I'll break your other arm.
Aw, shucks! That was my mom.
I forgot.
My family's donating a bunch of stuff to charity this weekend and I haven't packed up anything.
I guess we'll have to hang out another time.
Well maybe we could help.
You guys are so nice! Grab a suitcase and start stuffing.
It's all going.
Hey, how about these books? You know, you can't judge them by their covers.
Nah, no books.
This charity really wants gold.
And laptops.
Yeah, Paige, you're donating wrong.
Hey, can you guys go look out the window for a sec? Why? (SIGHS) We're on our phones all the time, when was the last time appreciated nature? Wow, Jade.
You are so deep.
(SIGHS) I feel like we're a part of something really special right now.
Yeah.
Hey! Jade, I'm gonna hit up your kitchen real quick.
Cool.
PAIGE (THINKING): That's weird.
Jade's not in any of her family photos.
And there's a hole where the TV used to be.
And she's stuffing money into her Oh, my gosh! She's robbing the house! Oh, my gosh! We're robbing the house! Aah! Oh (SHOUTING) (CALCULATOR WHIRS) (CALCULATOR WHIRS) And that's how you draw a puppy.
Yeah, that's great, but I asked you about your business plan for Bernie Schotz Enterprises? Tessa, come here.
I wanna teach you something.
What do all the greatest companies have in common? A coherent plan of action that takes into account current economic trends I'm gonna stop you right there because you are very, very wrong.
It's that they all threw huge, awesome launch parties! I really think we should have a product before we spend a lot of money to throw a party.
Party.
Glad we're on the same page.
Jade's a bad person.
Frankie was right.
She does have superpowers.
What do I have? A braid and a small carbon footprint! That's nothing! Hey, uh, Frankie, I think we should - head home.
- Listen, Paige.
I want to apologize.
Oh, oh.
No need.
I'm ready to move on.
In fact, I think we should move on out of here - and go home.
- No, no, no.
Please, please, please.
Don't rush me.
I want to speak slowly, so I choose the right words.
Gah You were right.
Jade is a good person, and the fact that I didn't listen - to you about it is representative - Yup.
Totally.
- of a bigger issue in our friendship.
- You're right! Hey Yes, I think we should go home! Uh I mean, she made us feel so comfortable.
Like her stuff is our stuff.
Like, like this.
And, and, and this.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Touching everything.
Ooh! Have you seen this craft table? You could see your fingerprints in the clay.
Gah! Or you can roll it up into a ball and throw it out the window.
(CHUCKLES) Look, my point is, I need to listen to you more.
And to remember this moment of personal growth, let's post a photo for all the world to see.
- No! - Oh.
Sorry, I sneezed.
Achoo! (DOOR CLOSES) MAN: Oh, no.
Honey, we've been robbed! Thanks for your help, dummies.
What? (CLATTERING) Paige, what's going on? Jade's a bad person, and she was just using us to rob this house.
Haha! I was right! Oh, we're gonna be in so much trouble.
- I know.
- (SIGHS) (GASPS) Oh, hey.
You know who else would be really good as Judgement Girl? - Hm? - Scarlett Johansson.
Ooh, Scar Jo! Yes! We should start writing the script.
We'll have a lot of time to work on it in prison! Hey, guys! Have you ever flung your shoe into a basket and yelled, "Yes! 100 points!"? Nope, no one has.
It's a really weird thing to do out of context.
Well, today we will.
We are playing We are going to use our feet to fling as many shoes into these baskets - as we can.
- Each basket is worth a different amount of points, and the person with the most points at the end wins.
All right, let's get started.
And for absolutely no reason at all, we've invited Horse Face Guy to cheer us on.
- (HORSE NEIGHS) - (BELL DINGS) FRANKIE: That's nice.
Okay.
Oh.
BOTH: Oh! - So clo - BOTH: Oh Oh! There we go.
That's why Horse Face Guy's here.
- Oh! That makes so much more sense.
- To fix the baskets.
- FRANKIE: Of course.
- (BELLS DINGING) That's nice.
Ohh! - 10! - Yeah! Shoot for the stars.
BOTH: (GASPING) Oh! - So close! - (SHOUTING) Oh! Aw.
(GASPS) Ahh! Thank you, Horse Face! - You are my biggest fan.
- (HORSE NEIGHS) Oh! Oh, oh! (BOTH CHEERING) BOTH: Oh, oh! (GROANING) (CHEERING) If I could do a back flip right now, I totally would.
(LAUGHS) FRANKIE: Whoo! BOTH: Oh! (FRANKIE LAUGHS) Whoo! And when you dominate at Shoe Fly, there's only one thing you can do.
Dance! What are we gonna do? We gotta hide! I think we should come clean.
Are you crazy? They don't even know we're up here.
- MAN: They're upstairs.
- No, you're upstairs! Sorry, bad habit.
- I Oh, no.
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) They're coming.
Let's jump out that window and hope the cactus garden moved.
No, wait, Frankie! We're innocent.
I'm sure if we tell them the truth, they'll let us go.
Hello? We're in here.
It's okay, we're not who you're after.
But you're in our house.
And you're wearing my wife's pearls.
(CHUCKLES) I know how this looks.
But this girl tricked us into robbing you.
As soon as we realized, we stopped.
Because we're good people.
Like you.
Well, thank you for being honest with us.
The truth is, all this stuff is just material possessions.
(SIGHS) The only thing in this house that I can't replace is the clay made from my grandmother's ashes.
(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) I was wrong, I was wrong Big finish, girlfriend.
I was wrong! Can you please get these girls out of my house? - (CHATTERING) - (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) This party is great, Tessa.
Well, the party was your idea.
I just took care of the everything.
Yeah, it was my idea.
Hey, who are those people? Oh.
I invited investors from the business community.
I wonder why they're not mingling with the people I invited.
Is one of them a mannequin? It's pronounced magician.
Excuse me, what are these crushed up chips in a bag? Those are snacks I made.
I mean, who can eat a full size chip without hurting themselves? Literally everyone who's not a baby.
And also, most babies.
I'm sorry.
I have a very important magic show to watch, so do you have a point? Well, your chip bags are the only things here with the Bernie Schotz logo on it, so I assume it's the product you're launching? Uh This isn't good.
Or is it? It's not.
I'm not looking to invest in a company that sells broken chips.
Seems like a joke business to me.
And the only jokes I like are money.
No! No, wait, I can fix this.
(RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS) Thank you for coming, everyone! I just wanted to clarify that the broken chips are a smart, delicious, and safe snack.
But they are not what Bernie Schotz Enterprises is all about.
So what is your company about? Uh Let me answer that question with another question.
Uh Help? Come on.
- (CROWD GROANING) - I mean, what What Mr.
Schotz meant to say was, he made a video to show the potential of his company.
I did? He did.
Here it is.
TESSA: Bernie Schotz Entertainment used to just focus on Vuuugle stars.
But now, the company is taking things to the next level with Bernie Schotz Enterprises.
He will conquer sports, concerts, fashion And toilets! Saved it.
TESSA: Thank you, everyone.
We hope you'll join the Bernie Schotz team! Yeah.
I had my doubts, but I am confident that Bernie Schotz Enterprises has a bright future.
And I must admit, your crushed chips are a safer way to snack.
I think we can do business.
Ow! Tessa.
I couldn't have pulled this off without you.
This party was a huge success.
You really saved my butt.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So, you wanna keep working for Bernie Schotz Enterprises? Bernie, come here.
I'll be honest.
You're not as smart as I thought you were.
But working for you will get me out of violin lessons, so I don't know, I guess let's grow a business together or something? Your confidence in me is inspiring.
Hey, man! Hey, coz.
Where have you two been? Let's just say you're looking at a couple of straight-up criminals.
'Cause we just did some hard time in the slammer.
Jail? How long were you guys in there? 15 minutes.
Then they caught the real criminal, my mom came to pick us up.
But those prison guards ain't gonna forget us.
'Cause they all had kids who were Bizaardvark fans.
Oh, well.
- Hey, wanna get a drink? - Yeah.
What's this party for, anyway? No idea.
This is a weird place.
Did you see that? She took the last drink right as I reached for it.
What a terrible person.
Frankie, I'm sure if you got to know her, you Eh, you're probably right.