Clarence US (2014) s02e20 Episode Script
The Substitute
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Narrator: In all of the animal kingdom, the Western blue-eyed cicada has a very unique life cycle.
It sits in the ground a very, very long time.
"How long," you may ask? This type of cicada hatches every 17 years.
Hey No.
Bad kitty.
[meows.]
[Bell rings.]
- Do you have a girlfriend? - No! [Girls giggling.]
Vroom! Ready? Race! Aw, no fair.
Too much glue in his hair today.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah! Good morning, class! Today H-Hey.
[Chatter.]
[Thud!.]
Ms.
Baker, I-I'm so glad you're here! - Jeff, um, he forgot his lunch, and - Ms.
Baker, now, it's very important I have a non-gluten, high-fiber, low-sodium [Groans.]
Jeff, it's fine, okay? The school will get you another lunch.
It's totally fine.
[Screams.]
Gilben, no roughhousing, okay?! Um, Ms.
Baker, I dropped my pencil in the ceiling again.
Eek! Chelsea! Don't throw pencils, Chelsea, okay? Here, you can borrow one of mine.
[Gasps.]
[Giggles.]
Ms.
Baker, how come you got bug pets? [Clank! Clank!.]
[Chortling.]
Clarence, stop it! Don't do that! All right, everyone, back to their seats! - Or it's two buddy stars each.
- Aah! [Desks rattle.]
[Sighs.]
Good.
Now, I know we've been struggling a bit through the science unit lately, so I put something together that I think will help.
Inside here are two Western blue-eyed cicadas.
Everyone say hello to Mark and Stu.
All: Hello, Mark and Stu! Now, I've been keeping them alive for the past six weeks for a very special lesson.
Remember when we were talking about life cycles? This type of cicada hatches every 17 years, okay? Now, these two are still dormant, but they're going to re-emerge in about a week.
[Feedback.]
Ah! Mr.
Reese: Attention, Ms.
Baker.
Uh, Ms.
Baker, you're needed in the teachers' lounge - for a very urgent errand.
- Is this about the coffee machine? You can make your own coffee, Jim.
I left you instructions on the fridge! I repeat, Ms.
Baker to the teachers' lounge.
Ms.
Baker.
[Bell rings.]
[Sighs.]
All right, well, that's the bell for Gym.
When I come back, we're going to talk about prey, and, uh, predators, and, uh, life cycles, okay? [Kids chattering.]
So, then you put this thing here and press this thing.
- And there you go.
- Huh? Wait, what? How'd you do that? I am not showing you again, Jim.
Oh, boy.
I know that look, Melanie.
What's going on? [Sighs.]
I don't know.
I just feel overwhelmed.
I'm completely behind on my lesson plan.
What are you talking about?! Just punch in and clock out! [Groans.]
I just feel like I'm not getting to them, you know? You're gonna burn out if you keep doing this.
- Mel, I think you should take a day off.
- Uh, whoops.
What? No! No.
I have to get back to class.
- Oh.
Oh, no, no.
- Melanie! I've been teaching for 49 years.
Now, I got these two coupons for the Aberdale spa! It's about time I put them to good use.
No, I can't.
My students need me.
- Call it in, Reese! - Wait - Stop.
No, but wait.
Melanie.
Melanie! - I-I can't the coffee.
- Jim, take charge for once in your life! Make the call! [Door slams.]
Ohh.
Melanie.
All right, everyone, listen up.
Ms.
Baker had to leave early today, so I called a sub.
A sub? I hope Ms.
Baker's okay.
[Giggles.]
Mr.
Reese, why would you call a sandwich? What? No, uh, I said sub, like a substitute teacher.
[Rattling.]
[All gasp.]
Ah! A bogeyman! [Suspenseful music plays.]
Ah, perfect.
Right on time.
Everyone, this is your new sub, Mrs.
Joanna no.
- [Muttering.]
Julian? - Oh [chuckles.]
I'm sorry, no, it's - it's actually Ms.
Julip.
- Jasmine, of course.
So sorry, Ms.
Jasmine.
Now, everyone, say hello to Ms.
Jasmine.
All: Hi, Ms.
Jasmine.
Hey, you're not a sandwich.
[Laughter.]
Clarence, that's enough.
I want you to show Ms.
Jasmine, here hmm? - Oh, sorry, back here.
- Oh, uh, all right.
I want everyone here to show Ms.
Jasmine the same amount of respect that you would show me.
[Slurps.]
Yeah, maybe maybe a little bit more.
Oh, all right, then.
Just a regular day.
Please enjoy your stay.
And if you need anything, anything at all, I'll be right down the hallway.
'Kay? Okay.
All right.
You can do this.
[Sighs.]
Hello, class! My name is Ms.
Julip.
Um, I'll be your substitute teacher today.
So, let's get started with today's Oh! Oh, sorry, wow.
Okay.
Let me just pick these up.
I'm sorry.
She seems so nervous.
What's there to be nervous about? We're just kids.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
- Whoa, oh, okay.
Everything's out of order.
- Hey, Ms.
Julip? Ms.
Baker said we were going to watch a movie today.
She She did? Doesn't say it here in the notes.
[Chuckles.]
Well, if Ms.
Baker was here, she'd let us watch a movie, right, guys? Oh, yeah.
[Laughs.]
She would.
- I miss Ms.
Baker! - Uh, me too.
Okay, um Let's watch a movie.
I'll just set it up.
[Chuckling.]
Huh? [Squishing.]
[Gasps.]
- [Whispering.]
Hey, Sumo.
- [Sniffing.]
Oh, what? - Look at the bugs! - Huh? Oh, gross.
Okay, everyone.
I'm sorry, let's settle down.
It's movie time.
Oh! Okay.
Um, Channel 3.
Is that the Universal channel 3? Okay.
Um, what if I were to scroll up? - Oh, there's no scroll.
- Um, aren't you supposed to take roll? Oh, attendance! Yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Uh, let's see.
What was your name? Your name? It's Chel I mean, Kimby.
[Kids snickering.]
Kimby.
Yes, I'm so sorry, Kimby.
That's okay, 'cause I'm Kimby! [Laughter.]
Yes.
Funny name here.
[Chuckles.]
All names are funny, when you think about it.
Do you think that Ms.
Baker grew these bugs at her house? [Eerie music.]
[Shrieks.]
Yes, they're growing! Grow, my little ones! Grrroooow! [Thunder.]
[Laughing evilly.]
[Cackling.]
- Aw, yeah, definitely.
- Ms.
Baker is Mark and Stu's mommy, but she's going to miss them even being born.
I'm gonna go find Ms.
Baker.
I'll be back, little guys.
Uh, Mavis? Is Mavis here? Mavis? - It's pronounced Mah-vis.
- Okay.
Nathan! Here.
Vu.
[Guttural sound.]
G-Gilben? Gilben's present.
[Snickering.]
Ms.
Baker usually leaves me in charge when she's gone.
I'll take it from here.
Just call me [Music.]
Mr.
Randall.
Oh.
He's not the teacher.
[Murmuring.]
Push the button.
[Grunts.]
Ow! Come on.
[Roars.]
[Grunting.]
[Crying.]
- Oh.
Melanie - Um, Mr.
Reese? Do you know where Ms.
Baker is? - She's She's missing her bugs.
- Bugs? Is she sick, boy? Now, don't you lie to me.
Ohh.
Of course.
We were fools to think we could replace the lovely Melanie with the beautiful Jasmine.
[Grunts.]
Let's ride! [Tranquil music plays.]
Ohhh, yeah.
That's right there.
That's where you gotta do.
I don't know.
I don't know.
The teaching books I've read say this generation is different.
You know, that they're harder to reach.
And then some days, I feel like we're speaking the same language and everything's going great.
Others, no one does the homework or even remotely cares.
I [Sighs.]
Yeah, maybe I do need to relax.
[Sighs deeply.]
Hmm.
Psst! Ms.
Baker.
- Aah! - Aah! Clarence! What What are you doing here?! Well, the substitute she's really nice, but Belson made her take out the TV, and then Jeff said that he was going to be the new teacher.
- That's right.
- What is going on here? - Also, your bugs are starting to hatch.
- What?! The cicadas aren't supposed to hatch for two more weeks! I can't miss this.
Brenda? Right there, you'll feel that crunch is there.
[Crunching.]
Right in there.
Jim, take me back to school! You got it, Melanie! Let's make coffee! [Crunching continues, Brenda groaning.]
[Chatter and laughing.]
Ah! Uh - You're terrible.
- It feels so right.
The real thing about the Louisiana Purchase was it was wrong.
It was cheating everybody out of [Chatter and laughing.]
That's it! Brady, put your shirt back on! Darlie, put that fire out! Guyler, get off your desk! Mavis, spit out your gum! I want all eyes on me or it's six buddy stars each.
- I am not joking, guys! - Aah! Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay.
Hold on, you two, hold on.
Okay, class, line up at the door.
We're going to learn something about cicadas today if it's the last thing I do.
Ants, in line! Let's go, let's go, let's go! [Kids chattering.]
12, 13, 14 - You are wait, who are you? - Uh, oh.
[Chuckles.]
Um, sorry, I-I was just wondering, um - Yes? Wondering what? - I was wondering if you could teach me how you did that.
- Because I know the material.
I just can't - Wait, are you the sub? - I'm really sorry.
- Okay, let's just go.
Class, behind me! Here we go! Yep.
Now, remember, everyone, these cicadas only hatch every 17 years.
That's older than all of you, right? And it's a very special life cycle.
Julian, why don't you open the terrarium for us? [Squishing.]
[All gasping.]
[Buzzing.]
[Kids cheering.]
[Music.]
[Bird shrieks.]
[Kids gasp, murmur.]
It's eating Mark! It's eating Mark! [Laughs.]
That's awesome.
[Laughs.]
Okay, guys, class, uh, this is the Arizona Scrub-Jay, huh? One of the cicada's many predators.
We're pretty lucky.
If you think about it, it's a very good example of the food chain and our next lesson on predators and prey.
[Shrieks.]
- I think you are a wonderful teacher! - Oh, oh, Ms.
Baker, Ms.
Baker.
What else does a Scrub-Jay like to eat? Well, that's that's a very good question, Clarence.
Uh, you see, the Arizona Scrub-Jay comes from a long line of predatorial birds.
And, uh, so [Buzzing.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Narrator: In all of the animal kingdom, the Western blue-eyed cicada has a very unique life cycle.
It sits in the ground a very, very long time.
"How long," you may ask? This type of cicada hatches every 17 years.
Hey No.
Bad kitty.
[meows.]
[Bell rings.]
- Do you have a girlfriend? - No! [Girls giggling.]
Vroom! Ready? Race! Aw, no fair.
Too much glue in his hair today.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah! Good morning, class! Today H-Hey.
[Chatter.]
[Thud!.]
Ms.
Baker, I-I'm so glad you're here! - Jeff, um, he forgot his lunch, and - Ms.
Baker, now, it's very important I have a non-gluten, high-fiber, low-sodium [Groans.]
Jeff, it's fine, okay? The school will get you another lunch.
It's totally fine.
[Screams.]
Gilben, no roughhousing, okay?! Um, Ms.
Baker, I dropped my pencil in the ceiling again.
Eek! Chelsea! Don't throw pencils, Chelsea, okay? Here, you can borrow one of mine.
[Gasps.]
[Giggles.]
Ms.
Baker, how come you got bug pets? [Clank! Clank!.]
[Chortling.]
Clarence, stop it! Don't do that! All right, everyone, back to their seats! - Or it's two buddy stars each.
- Aah! [Desks rattle.]
[Sighs.]
Good.
Now, I know we've been struggling a bit through the science unit lately, so I put something together that I think will help.
Inside here are two Western blue-eyed cicadas.
Everyone say hello to Mark and Stu.
All: Hello, Mark and Stu! Now, I've been keeping them alive for the past six weeks for a very special lesson.
Remember when we were talking about life cycles? This type of cicada hatches every 17 years, okay? Now, these two are still dormant, but they're going to re-emerge in about a week.
[Feedback.]
Ah! Mr.
Reese: Attention, Ms.
Baker.
Uh, Ms.
Baker, you're needed in the teachers' lounge - for a very urgent errand.
- Is this about the coffee machine? You can make your own coffee, Jim.
I left you instructions on the fridge! I repeat, Ms.
Baker to the teachers' lounge.
Ms.
Baker.
[Bell rings.]
[Sighs.]
All right, well, that's the bell for Gym.
When I come back, we're going to talk about prey, and, uh, predators, and, uh, life cycles, okay? [Kids chattering.]
So, then you put this thing here and press this thing.
- And there you go.
- Huh? Wait, what? How'd you do that? I am not showing you again, Jim.
Oh, boy.
I know that look, Melanie.
What's going on? [Sighs.]
I don't know.
I just feel overwhelmed.
I'm completely behind on my lesson plan.
What are you talking about?! Just punch in and clock out! [Groans.]
I just feel like I'm not getting to them, you know? You're gonna burn out if you keep doing this.
- Mel, I think you should take a day off.
- Uh, whoops.
What? No! No.
I have to get back to class.
- Oh.
Oh, no, no.
- Melanie! I've been teaching for 49 years.
Now, I got these two coupons for the Aberdale spa! It's about time I put them to good use.
No, I can't.
My students need me.
- Call it in, Reese! - Wait - Stop.
No, but wait.
Melanie.
Melanie! - I-I can't the coffee.
- Jim, take charge for once in your life! Make the call! [Door slams.]
Ohh.
Melanie.
All right, everyone, listen up.
Ms.
Baker had to leave early today, so I called a sub.
A sub? I hope Ms.
Baker's okay.
[Giggles.]
Mr.
Reese, why would you call a sandwich? What? No, uh, I said sub, like a substitute teacher.
[Rattling.]
[All gasp.]
Ah! A bogeyman! [Suspenseful music plays.]
Ah, perfect.
Right on time.
Everyone, this is your new sub, Mrs.
Joanna no.
- [Muttering.]
Julian? - Oh [chuckles.]
I'm sorry, no, it's - it's actually Ms.
Julip.
- Jasmine, of course.
So sorry, Ms.
Jasmine.
Now, everyone, say hello to Ms.
Jasmine.
All: Hi, Ms.
Jasmine.
Hey, you're not a sandwich.
[Laughter.]
Clarence, that's enough.
I want you to show Ms.
Jasmine, here hmm? - Oh, sorry, back here.
- Oh, uh, all right.
I want everyone here to show Ms.
Jasmine the same amount of respect that you would show me.
[Slurps.]
Yeah, maybe maybe a little bit more.
Oh, all right, then.
Just a regular day.
Please enjoy your stay.
And if you need anything, anything at all, I'll be right down the hallway.
'Kay? Okay.
All right.
You can do this.
[Sighs.]
Hello, class! My name is Ms.
Julip.
Um, I'll be your substitute teacher today.
So, let's get started with today's Oh! Oh, sorry, wow.
Okay.
Let me just pick these up.
I'm sorry.
She seems so nervous.
What's there to be nervous about? We're just kids.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
- Whoa, oh, okay.
Everything's out of order.
- Hey, Ms.
Julip? Ms.
Baker said we were going to watch a movie today.
She She did? Doesn't say it here in the notes.
[Chuckles.]
Well, if Ms.
Baker was here, she'd let us watch a movie, right, guys? Oh, yeah.
[Laughs.]
She would.
- I miss Ms.
Baker! - Uh, me too.
Okay, um Let's watch a movie.
I'll just set it up.
[Chuckling.]
Huh? [Squishing.]
[Gasps.]
- [Whispering.]
Hey, Sumo.
- [Sniffing.]
Oh, what? - Look at the bugs! - Huh? Oh, gross.
Okay, everyone.
I'm sorry, let's settle down.
It's movie time.
Oh! Okay.
Um, Channel 3.
Is that the Universal channel 3? Okay.
Um, what if I were to scroll up? - Oh, there's no scroll.
- Um, aren't you supposed to take roll? Oh, attendance! Yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
Uh, let's see.
What was your name? Your name? It's Chel I mean, Kimby.
[Kids snickering.]
Kimby.
Yes, I'm so sorry, Kimby.
That's okay, 'cause I'm Kimby! [Laughter.]
Yes.
Funny name here.
[Chuckles.]
All names are funny, when you think about it.
Do you think that Ms.
Baker grew these bugs at her house? [Eerie music.]
[Shrieks.]
Yes, they're growing! Grow, my little ones! Grrroooow! [Thunder.]
[Laughing evilly.]
[Cackling.]
- Aw, yeah, definitely.
- Ms.
Baker is Mark and Stu's mommy, but she's going to miss them even being born.
I'm gonna go find Ms.
Baker.
I'll be back, little guys.
Uh, Mavis? Is Mavis here? Mavis? - It's pronounced Mah-vis.
- Okay.
Nathan! Here.
Vu.
[Guttural sound.]
G-Gilben? Gilben's present.
[Snickering.]
Ms.
Baker usually leaves me in charge when she's gone.
I'll take it from here.
Just call me [Music.]
Mr.
Randall.
Oh.
He's not the teacher.
[Murmuring.]
Push the button.
[Grunts.]
Ow! Come on.
[Roars.]
[Grunting.]
[Crying.]
- Oh.
Melanie - Um, Mr.
Reese? Do you know where Ms.
Baker is? - She's She's missing her bugs.
- Bugs? Is she sick, boy? Now, don't you lie to me.
Ohh.
Of course.
We were fools to think we could replace the lovely Melanie with the beautiful Jasmine.
[Grunts.]
Let's ride! [Tranquil music plays.]
Ohhh, yeah.
That's right there.
That's where you gotta do.
I don't know.
I don't know.
The teaching books I've read say this generation is different.
You know, that they're harder to reach.
And then some days, I feel like we're speaking the same language and everything's going great.
Others, no one does the homework or even remotely cares.
I [Sighs.]
Yeah, maybe I do need to relax.
[Sighs deeply.]
Hmm.
Psst! Ms.
Baker.
- Aah! - Aah! Clarence! What What are you doing here?! Well, the substitute she's really nice, but Belson made her take out the TV, and then Jeff said that he was going to be the new teacher.
- That's right.
- What is going on here? - Also, your bugs are starting to hatch.
- What?! The cicadas aren't supposed to hatch for two more weeks! I can't miss this.
Brenda? Right there, you'll feel that crunch is there.
[Crunching.]
Right in there.
Jim, take me back to school! You got it, Melanie! Let's make coffee! [Crunching continues, Brenda groaning.]
[Chatter and laughing.]
Ah! Uh - You're terrible.
- It feels so right.
The real thing about the Louisiana Purchase was it was wrong.
It was cheating everybody out of [Chatter and laughing.]
That's it! Brady, put your shirt back on! Darlie, put that fire out! Guyler, get off your desk! Mavis, spit out your gum! I want all eyes on me or it's six buddy stars each.
- I am not joking, guys! - Aah! Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay.
Hold on, you two, hold on.
Okay, class, line up at the door.
We're going to learn something about cicadas today if it's the last thing I do.
Ants, in line! Let's go, let's go, let's go! [Kids chattering.]
12, 13, 14 - You are wait, who are you? - Uh, oh.
[Chuckles.]
Um, sorry, I-I was just wondering, um - Yes? Wondering what? - I was wondering if you could teach me how you did that.
- Because I know the material.
I just can't - Wait, are you the sub? - I'm really sorry.
- Okay, let's just go.
Class, behind me! Here we go! Yep.
Now, remember, everyone, these cicadas only hatch every 17 years.
That's older than all of you, right? And it's a very special life cycle.
Julian, why don't you open the terrarium for us? [Squishing.]
[All gasping.]
[Buzzing.]
[Kids cheering.]
[Music.]
[Bird shrieks.]
[Kids gasp, murmur.]
It's eating Mark! It's eating Mark! [Laughs.]
That's awesome.
[Laughs.]
Okay, guys, class, uh, this is the Arizona Scrub-Jay, huh? One of the cicada's many predators.
We're pretty lucky.
If you think about it, it's a very good example of the food chain and our next lesson on predators and prey.
[Shrieks.]
- I think you are a wonderful teacher! - Oh, oh, Ms.
Baker, Ms.
Baker.
What else does a Scrub-Jay like to eat? Well, that's that's a very good question, Clarence.
Uh, you see, the Arizona Scrub-Jay comes from a long line of predatorial birds.
And, uh, so [Buzzing.]