Family Ties (1982) s02e20 Episode Script

I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed and I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la okay, the last question.
Nitroglycerin, calcium carbonate, and aluminum nitrate are ingredients commonly found in Lasagna.
Come on, Alex.
What's the real answer? Okay, rache, all right, I'll answer that question if you can answer this one Name one reason why I shouldn't kiss you.
We have to study, your family's in the house.
It's getting late Rache, rache One reason.
I can't think of one.
Dynamite.
Thank you.
I do my best.
Alex, that was the answer.
Excuse us, excuse us! Yes, just passing through! You can keep kissing.
We're not looking.
Look, this is the fifth time you've passed through here in the last hour.
Do you mind? How else are we supposed to get to the kitchen? I can get you to the kitchen real quick.
Ohh! Alex, come on.
We have to concentrate.
This is our last final.
You're right, rache.
You're right.
One more test, we leave Harding high in our dust.
Why are you so anxious to leave? We had some great times there.
You're right, rache We had some great times.
And although it's with eager anticipation that we cast our lines of hope into the unchartered waters of the future, it is with a heavy heart that we bid adieu to the hallowed halls of Harding high.
You've been working on your valedictory speech, haven't you, Alex? I admit, I have worked on it a little.
It sounds great.
You are gonna make a great valedictorian.
Uh, come on, rache, it's not official yet.
I mean, there are a lot of guys up for it.
You're up for it.
Uh, mark blittman, the the kowalik sisters.
Face it, it's anybody's ballgame.
It'll be you.
I know.
I am a shoo-in.
You know, I fed my stats into the school computer, and it printed out, "write that speech, Keaton.
" Oh, Alex, these last four weeks have been the most exciting in my whole life.
Me too.
Wait a minute, we've been seeing each other for six weeks.
I know, but the first two were not that great.
Ah, so how's the studying going? We are but sponges in a sea of chemical knowledge.
I hope you'll clean up after yourselves.
Well, so how do you guys feel? Soon you'll be high school graduates.
Feels great, Mrs.
Keaton.
And I know Alex is excited, too.
That's right.
And although it's with eager anticipation that we All: Cast our lines of hope into the unchartered waters of our future, it is with a heavy heart that we bid adieu to the hallowed halls of Harding high.
Seniors whose last names begin with the letters "a" through "j," please step forward.
You know, rache, it's too bad our last names don't begin with the same letter.
Then we could march down the aisle together.
That's got a nice ring to it.
How is it possible that I never even asked you out until a couple weeks ago? What could I have been thinking about? Jocelyn Clark.
And deena Marx and Carrie Newman and Diane Edwards and Okay, okay, okay, okay, rache.
I don't know if I should admit this, Alex, but you're my first real boyfriend.
Rache, I only hope I can live up to it.
I only hope that I am deserving of such a great honor, that the flame of our spirit shall burn eternally.
Is that from your speech, too? Seniors whose last names begin with the letters "k" through "t," please step forward.
That's us.
Before we proceed any further with the graduation rehearsal, I'd like to make an announcement.
The faculty has just chosen the valedictorian.
Oh, I'm so proud of you! I couldn't have done it without you, rache.
As you know, the faculty makes its selection on the basis of academic standing, extracurricular activities, and outstanding contributions to the school community.
So won't you join me in congratulating the brightest and best among us, our most deserving new valedictorian Rachel Miller? Alex, are you all right? Me? I'm fine.
Are you sure you're okay? Oh, don't worry about me, rache.
This is your big moment.
I-I'm really happy for you.
Come on up here and take a bow, Rachel.
Yeah, Rachel.
I never even thought I was in the running.
Yeah, Rachel, all right! No more pencils, no more Books.
Hi.
Hey.
Last day of school.
Look, I got my final grades.
Oh, mal.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, "a" in French, "b" in English, and some other stuff.
We'll talk about that other stuff later.
No rush! How'd you do, Alex? Four a's.
An a-minus.
Honey, that is terrific.
Oh, come on, mom.
What does it mean really? I am not valedictorian.
It's a hollow victory at best.
It's an anticlimax.
Let's face it My life has no meaning.
Hey, I'm ready to face it.
How about you guys? Jennifer.
Okay, okay, I'm going.
Alex, now, I know you're disappointed about this valedictorian thing, but you have got to accept the fact that you're not gonna get everything you want in life.
Being valedictorian was my destiny.
And it was ruthlessly yanked from my grasp by the cruelest of fates.
That's the spirit.
Yeah.
Alex? Hi.
Rachel.
So how you doing, Alex? Oh, fine.
Fine.
Never better.
Did you get your final grades? Yeah.
How were they? Oh, let's not talk about it.
No, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
How were they? Five a's.
Sure.
Rub my nose in it.
So, what's up? Alex, I hope my being chosen valedictorian isn't gonna affect our relationship.
Oh, no.
No, no, of course not.
Don't be silly.
Smarty-pants.
Alex! I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Come on, give me credit for for a little maturity here, okay? What's that? Well, I finished my, uh, my rough draft of my speech, and I was wondering if maybe you would take a look at it and give me your opinion.
Sure.
Why not? Just remember, it's only a rough draft.
Ha ha! What? Is something funny? Yeah.
Yeah.
You split your infinitive.
Where? Several places here.
You know, you do that when you speak.
I noticed that about you.
Alex, what about the speech? I mean overall.
It's not bad.
It won't offend anybody.
I want to do more than not offend.
I want to be inspiring.
Did you think it was inspiring? I'd hate to be sending people off to war with that.
Well, how do I make it more inspiring? Okay.
All right, rache.
Uh, something Something like this As we, the graduating seniors here at Harding high, attempt to go Uh, aren't you gonna write this down? Well, I don't want you to dictate a speech to me.
I mean, I want your general suggestions, but I want the heart of it to be my own.
Oh.
Well, fine.
Just, uh, go with what you have there, then.
Alex.
Is, um, something wrong? Look, rache, what do you want from me? You're the valedictorian.
You obviously have your own ideas about what you want to say.
Why are you even involving me in this? Well, I was foolish enough to think that maybe you'd want to help me.
If it were me, I would help you.
If it were me, I wouldn't need your help.
Well, maybe I don't need your help, either.
You do if you're gonna go with that speech.
Alex, there is nothing wrong with this speech! Okay, you're right, rache.
There's nothing wrong with that speech.
Why don't you go with that speech? I'll just walk through the audience and wake people up.
What are you doing? Oh, just looking at some old baby pictures of Alex.
Oh! There he is with his combination slide rule/teething ring.
Yeah.
He was a beautiful baby.
And tomorrow he's graduating.
It all went so fast.
Now, Elyse, don't go misting up on me.
We've still got two in the nest.
I guess I should face up to the fact that he's grown up, but did it have to happen so quickly? I mean, after high-school graduation, can marriage be far off? And then children and and grandchildren.
Don't put me in a home.
Don't say anything until you see the place.
Come on.
Come on, Elyse.
You're getting a little carried away with this.
I guess you're right.
Oh, hey, look.
I got the watch back from the jeweler.
It's working perfectly now.
It'll be a wonderful gift for Alex.
Mm.
I'll never forget the day my father gave this to me.
He he he came home from that little dry-cleaning shop where he worked.
He put this in my hand, and he said to me, "son, I want you to have this for your graduation.
One of my customers left it in his pants.
" He was all heart, my old man.
Hey.
Oh.
Ooh! Ah.
What are you guys doing? Uh Listening to music.
I don't hear anything.
Well, of course not.
Uh, the music's in our heads.
Uh, mom, can I talk to dad, uh, alone for a minute? Sure, it's okay.
I'll leave you two alone.
Thanks.
When you were a little boy, you used to come to both of us for help.
Uh, what is it, Alex? Dad, I, uh I-I don't know how to say this, but, uh Well, this isn't easy for me.
But, uh I think the Cleveland browns are really gonna miss Brian sipe next year, don't you? Uh Yes, I do.
It was very sensitive of you to keep that from your mother.
Well, I figured she's a big browns fan and everything.
Dad, I really blew it with Rachel yesterday.
You mentioned this Brian sipe thing to her, too? No.
No.
We had a big fight.
This valedictorian thing really threw me off.
I was a real jerk.
Why don't you apologize to her? Dad, don't you see? That's not gonna solve the problem.
This is going to change our relationship forever.
Well, why, Alex? Don't you see? It'll always be with us.
E-every time I kiss her, she'll be thinking, "why am I kissing this nonvaledictorian?" It's just not fair.
It's not right.
It's a gyp.
A gyp? That's right.
You know, Alex, uh, when you were little boy and things didn't go your way, you used to lie on the floor and scream, hold your breath and pout.
Well, now you're an adult, and you've got to accept some things that you don't like.
You know, if it If it had been anyone else, I could have handled it.
Mark blittman.
The kowalik sisters.
But not Rachel.
My girlfriend.
I just can't feel comfortable in a relationship unless I'm number one.
It is not a competition, Alex.
It is a relationship.
Both partners are equal.
Dad, uh I know you have to use that feminist rhetoric in front of mom But, uh, just between you and me, why don't you admit that you are still the man, that you're number one? I am the man, but I'm not number one, and neither is your mother.
You can be the man without feeling you're superior to the woman.
I'd think you'd feel, uh, happy for Rachel.
Why should I feel happy to be in her shadow when she makes that speech tomorrow? Because it's her shadow.
You know, every year when another class graduates, I feel like I lose a little part of myself.
And I'm not referring to my hair.
Commencement, as you know, means Alex! Alex! Alex! Beginning Quiet down.
You're disrupting the ceremony.
Alex! Come here.
Harding high.
And so often graduates return to tell me how valuable they've found their years at Harding.
Mallory, I don't know if the caps and gowns were a tip-off, but there is a graduation ceremony going on here.
Alex, I just saw Rachel in the ladies' room.
She's really upset.
You should talk to her.
Wait a minute, he can't go in the ladies' room.
She's not there anymore.
I think she went backstage.
She looked terrible.
She's probably nervous about her speech, and that's all.
Would you sit down? I don't think "nervous" quite describes it, mom.
She couldn't remember the name of the school.
She kept saying, "I'm very proud" to be valedictorian of this here place.
" Look, I tried to talk to her.
She wouldn't see me.
Maybe you should try again.
Shh! Sir? Me? Yes, yes.
Uh, is there something you'd care to share with the rest of us? Uh, no.
No.
T-that's fine.
Uh, thank Thank you for asking.
Well, in that case, we'll proceed with the, uh, awarding of diplomas, followed by the valedictory address by Rachel Miller.
Alex, talk to her! Shh! Betsy afferton.
Amanda agretti.
"And I think Franklin Roosevelt expressed it best when he said" Oh, I wish I'd worn my other earrings.
I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that.
Alex I told you I didn't want to see you anymore.
Yeah, but I want to see you.
Look, we got to talk.
I-I feel terrible about what happened the other day.
Alex, in five minutes I have to do my speech, and I don't have time to listen to your rationalizations.
If you really felt this bad, you would have called me before this.
Well, I've been busy.
Doing what? Moping.
And whining.
And generally being a real idiot.
You know, you'd be surprised how much time that takes if you want to do it right.
Alex, you hurt me.
When I needed you, you really let me down.
I know, rache.
When you were selected valedictorian, I-I lost sight of the things that were most important.
Why does it bother you so much that I'm valedictorian? I would have thought that you'd be happy for me.
I mean, if we're gonna be a couple, we should build each other up and not compete at everything.
I would have been happy for you.
I know.
Ruth drescher.
Why do you always have to win at everything? I have a little problem in this area.
Alex, I don't want to compete with you at everything.
Oh, come on, rache, we're not always competing.
We are.
Give me an example of one other situation where I have been overly competitive with you.
When we went and played miniature golf and I beat you.
I thought I handled that very well.
Alex, you filed a formal protest with the manager.
It wasn't a formal protest.
I simply asked him to examine your clubs to make sure they were regulation.
Alex, I don't want to have to feel guilty for being chosen valedictorian over you or being a better golfer than you.
You're absolutely right.
Cheryl Juliet.
I wouldn't say you're a better golfer than me.
You had one good game.
Alex.
I'm gonna work on this problem.
It's gonna get better.
I promise.
Warren Kane.
You'd better go out.
They're gonna call your name soon.
No, rache.
Uh, I refuse to graduate high school until we have this matter settled.
Alex p.
Keaton.
Keaton, Alex p.
Although I really would like to graduate.
Go ahead, Alex.
You're not the dropout type.
Last call for Alex p.
Keaton.
Thank you.
Marvin Kennedy.
Got it.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, Alex, I don't want to lose you because I'm smarter than you.
You know, I wouldn't say you're sm You're not gonna lose me.
You go out there and you give the best valedictory speech this school has ever heard.
And I think Franklin Roosevelt expressed it best when he said, "this generation of Americans has a rendezvous with destiny.
" Once again, I thank the faculty for this honor.
This will be a day that I will remember always.
Thank you.
Thank you, Rachel, thank you very much.
And now I'd like to extend a hearty congratulations to the graduating class of 1984.
It's over, kids.
Finally over with.
Yeah, all right! Yay! All right! All right! Alex, your mother and I would like you to have this.
Oh Dad.
Thataboy.
Good boy.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh, mom, look, you promised me you wouldn't go getting emotional on me.
I'm not emotional.
My little baby boy! We're, uh, we're proud of you for holding it in.
Well, we did it, Alex.
We graduated.
We did.
You were great up there, Rachel.
Maybe you can give me some pointers for my vale Dic.
.
Tory speech when I graduate.
Just graduate, mal.
That's all we ask.
Congratulations to both of you.
Hey, now let's get a picture of the two graduates.
Hell of a speech, rache.
Very inspiring.
Thanks, Alex.