Harvey Beaks (2015) s02e20 Episode Script

1 [cheerful music.]
# Harvey # # Harvey # # Harvey # It is I, Scarlet, a beautiful heiress, and today is my wedding.
But where's my groom? Michelle, where's your doll? - Bah! - Good idea! Scarlet needs a ride home from her job as an entrepreneur in pots and pans.
[camera shutter clicks.]
Oh, that is so precious.
Keep up the cute, kids.
Irving and I have good genes.
You're a great photographer, Mom.
- I look cute.
- Well, it's easy when you kids are so adorable and sweet.
Ah! [giggles.]
[gleeful yelling.]
[cheery music.]
You're cute even when you're just walking.
Yes! Ooh, yes.
[camera shutter clicking.]
Make sure you get a lot of angles, Mom.
- [rhythmic grunting.]
- Ooh! Okay, and post it.
[phone beeps.]
What? Banned again? Inappropriate? [scoffs.]
Yo, we look too good to be ashamed.
That's right, baby.
If you got it, flaunt it.
Oh, hey, Pooker.
Wanna see this cute picture of Harvey? OMG, that's adorable.
Uh! You gotta share it on Kidstabrag.
What's that? I'm scared.
Kidstabrag? Come on, it's so fun.
You take a photo with your kid [camera shutter clicks.]
Add a nice filter [phone beeps.]
And then post it! [laughs.]
Yeah! Those little hearts, they mean people like it.
Feel the attention wash over ya.
Don't be afraid to share the light, Mom.
It's how famous people get discovered, like models.
All right, posted.
[phone beeping.]
Ooh, look at all those hearts.
[horn toots.]
Ah! Miriam, look, you're the Queen of Kidstabrag.
You got the crown, baby! Everyone likes your photo.
So what you're saying that in five seconds, I've dominated Kidstabrag.
I'm the the best.
Eat it, PTA Moms! Oh, okay, it didn't break.
Hey, we should celebrate.
Oh, oh, if you show that Queen badge at the diner, you get to eat for free.
What? Bring on the free grub! Hear ye! Hear ye! The Queen of Kidstabrag has arrived.
Hi there, I'm here for my free meal.
Oh, uh, well, um, the the Queen is already eating.
But look, I have the crown badge.
Hey, it's gone! Ah-ha, looking for the Queen? Why, that's me.
I'd sign some autographs, but my hands are covered in delicious free food bits.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
- But I thought I was Queen.
- Check again.
I posted a picture of my daughter moments ago, and it shot up instantly.
Cameras love me! Oh, well, congrats.
Ah, yes, well, adoration comes easily when you have the best child in the world.
I mean, all our kids are special in their own way.
And yet, it would seem that Kidstabrag has objectively proven that my child is the most special.
You trying to start something? No need to start when I've already finished.
And I want seconds, which will be free, because I'm the Queen.
We'll see how long you keep that crown, buddy.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Our faces are very close.
Are we going to kiss? [lips squeeze.]
- Let's go, kids! - We have a photo shoot to do.
- Fun! Wait, I wanna throw fries at you.
[upbeat synth music.]
Harvey, work your angles.
Really sell that pizza.
Mama mia! Okay, now give me more flirtation.
Mama mia.
[lens clicks.]
Okay, now angry.
- Mama mia! - Angry flirtation.
Mama mia ! Yes, you own it, everything, all of it.
Michelle, you're scaring Mommy.
I need some movement.
Still a little creepy, but all right.
- Did someone say pizza? - Not now, Irving, this is art.
Dad, look! I'm a model! Yes, work that rolling pin.
Oh, that's great.
Uh, Miriam? Be careful.
You know how you get with competition.
Oh, sweetie, we're just having a bit of fun capturing memories and annihilating Dr.
Roberts.
And post! [energetic music.]
Oh, my goodness, they've retaliated.
Daughter, prop thyself.
Duh, I'm always camera-ready.
[music.]
[poofs.]
What? No! Say, Mom, do you think I could make real pizza? That'll have to wait, sweetie.
Right now, I need you to be cuter than you've ever been before.
[exciting music.]
[lens shutter clicking.]
What? She's got the crown again.
Oh, we're done.
No, Daddy, it's time to get ruthless.
Do you mean sabotage? Sabotage! [both cackle.]
Oh, I love you.
Duh, I'm Princess.
I'm the best.
Okay, Harvey, you ready? [enchanting music.]
I'd like to see them top this one.
Hey! You just got photobombed! - Enjoy being second-best! - Oh! Oh, come on, you ruined my picture.
Well, deuces! Oh, no, how did Dr.
Roberts get the top spot again? Princess is so pretty.
Wait a minute, these are all faked.
Oh, so we're playing dirty now [tense music builds.]
Roberts, show yourself.
[growls.]
Good evening.
You've got a green screen? So this is how you craft your illusions.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, really? So you're saying Princess just rode on a unicorn? Yeah, so? I lead a rich life.
You think I'm too sweet to sink to your level, but oh-ho-ho, you're so wrong.
We're playing by prison rules now.
[screams.]
No! Not my green screen! Hey, I just wanna say, from one model to another, - I love your work.
- Okay, thanks.
It's so cool that we get to spend this time making memories with our parents.
Look at them.
They're having so much fun.
You have ruined my equipment! Checkmate, baby.
Let's finish this.
Meet me anywhere, anytime.
We'll have ourselves a Kidstabrag-off.
I'll show everyone that my kids are the cutest kids.
Fine, how 'bout we do it right now? Meet me in Rotbark.
What is this? Amateur hour? Let's meet at the treacherous Mount Gomery.
An epic setting for our epic battle.
You could still back out if you want, Roberts.
- No way, Joe-zay.
- Good.
Uh, guys, where should we start? Climb up on those rocks.
We'll get an angle that makes your head look smaller.
Higher.
Next to that sign that says "Danger"? Those signs are just for tourists.
Higher! Next to the sign that says "If you can read this, you will probably die soon"? And then there's a picture of a stick figure dying on sharp rocks? - Yes.
- What? Dad, I found a fan who wants my autograph.
- Take a pick-ie of us.
- Very editorial.
A picture fit for a Kidstabrag Queen.
Higher, Harvey! [both grunting.]
[music.]
[giggles.]
Ah! You ruined my photo.
You ruined mine! [all grunting.]
Uh [music.]
[rumbling.]
[explosion.]
Oh, my robe! Oh, no, what am I doing? This is dangerous.
Come on! We gotta go get them! [tense music.]
Hey, Mom, is this a good place to pose? [groans.]
My body's all sweaty.
- Princess! - We've gotta save our babies.
But how? They're surrounded by la-ur-va.
Hiya! Hiya! Hiya! Hiya! Both: Whoa! Are you all okay? That was so cool! I think I popped a hip.
Oh, if only this phone could be used to contact emergency services.
Okay, kids, grab on.
We're getting out of here.
- [grunts.]
- Mom, your phone! It doesn't matter.
Here, grab onto this selfie stick.
Roberts, reach the stick out further! [grunts.]
Oh, but my arms are tired.
Just extend your arm a few inches.
[grunting.]
[both grunt.]
Oh, the effort! [grunts, screams.]
[yells.]
[explosion.]
- [screams.]
- Whee! [exciting synth music.]
Gah! We made it.
Look at me.
Are you hurt? - How's Michelle? - She's fine.
I think she liked it up there.
Oh, thank goodness you're both safe.
[kissing.]
Wait, were we just in a volcano? [tense percussive music.]
Um, so we both got a little carried away.
Agreed.
We don't need attention on Kidstabrag to know that our kids are great.
I mean, look at them.
We have the best kids in the world.
You're right, and Princess already has several crowns anyway.
Yeah, I'm already over it.
- How 'bout a truce? - Truce.
Uh, first, I'll just snap one last picture for the fan okay, carry on.
[adventurous music.]
Oh, my fur and whiskers, there's just so much to do around here.
- [gulping.]
- Technobeard! No drinking on the ship! - [laughs.]
- And no swinging either! Shut it, scuttlebutt.
[blade whooshes.]
- [gasps.]
Princess, I told you, I am the first mate.
You cannot throw things at me.
- [humming.]
- Foo, what are you doing? - I'm an astronaut.
- No, no, you are a pirate.
- You get back on the ship.
- [blows raspberries.]
[sighs.]
And Kratz you're doing a great job.
Aww.
All right, listen up, this ship needs to be in tip-top shape for the captain, or else.
Oh, gosh, he's here! [dramatic music.]
This isn't how a pirate ship is run, because no one's singing! [cheers and applause.]
Oh All: # As I was walking down Paradise Street # Way, hey, blow the man down [jaunty accordion music.]
[whistling.]
Oh, looks like I'm stealing a boat from some kids today.
[music.]
Ah, come on! Ma! Have you been moving my stuff around again? Randl, I'm hungry.
There's no food, and my hair hurts.
Not right now.
I'm trying to find my "Transportation Reseller's Guide.
" Did you do something with it? You know, maybe if you didn't yell all the time, you'd have some friends.
There it is, right here in the trashcan, where I would never put it myself.
Uh, let's see here.
No, no ah-ha! The Squashbuckler 26.
This is a super rare antique canoe worth a hot stack of money.
And those kids are just fooling around in one, like a bunch of little idiots.
Shiver me timbers! [all laugh.]
Randl, where are you going? I want you to take me on the town tonight.
I wanna be wild and eat breakfast for dinner.
Later, Ma.
Right now, I gotta go get the boat out of that tree, so I can sell it.
That baby is a cash cow, and I'm the smart guy that's gonna slaughter her.
[snickers.]
Randl, I'm coming with you.
You'll need someone to tell you when you're doing everything wrong.
Man, Harvey, it sure is crazy how you just found this abandoned boat stuck up in a tree like this.
Yep, that's basically what happened.
Harvey, I don't know if you noticed, but Foo, he keeps pretending to be an astronaut - instead of a pirate! - You're just jealous you didn't find a cool space helmet.
It smells like dead fish.
Now, Dade, I am the captain of this ship, and I say everyone is allowed to be whatever kind of pirate she or he wants to be.
Bam! That's the spirit! Now let's go have the best pirate adventure ever.
All: Yeah! Hey! You kids, get down here.
[indistinct chatter.]
Hey! Hey! Oh, isn't that nice? It's like they're in a wonderful daydream.
Whatever.
Randl, what are you doing? You're never gonna be able to climb that high.
You don't have any upper body strength.
I'm not gonna climb it, you old bat.
I got a foolproof master plan to get that boat down to me.
[grunting.]
All: Whoa! - What's happening? - Guys! Look! Oh, no! Batten down the hatches! [lightning strikes.]
Ah! Come here! I'm gonna use your head as a floatation device.
Ah! Ah! Ha-ha! I'm King of the whoa! All: Whoa! [dramatic music.]
This is it, guys! I'm not sure we're gonna make it.
[music.]
Huh? I guess the storm is over already.
Yay! We survived! [cheers and applause.]
[panting.]
Randl, you're sweating like a pig.
It's very unbecoming.
Stupid kids wanna pretend they don't notice me? Fine, I know just the guy to get rid of those pests.
[indistinct chatter, laughter.]
You did the right thing calling me.
I'd be happy to take care of this problem for you and your lovely younger sister.
[giggles.]
Oh.
All right, all right, how much is this gonna cost me, Easy? Hmm four doll heads.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ya weirdo.
[jaunty piano music.]
Cha-ching! Now, I can get those kids out of that boat, but I can't promise they'll survive.
- I don't care.
- Mr.
Easy, are you planning to use your big, big muscles to move them? Why, yes, ma'am, and afterwards I'll be hungry.
Perhaps a certain pretty woman would like to treat me to dinner? Randl, give me your credit card.
I think I found your new father.
Ah! Just get up the tree already.
[thud.]
Listen up, crew! I found an old treasure map that should lead us to a bunch of gold.
We're gonna find that treasure, and we're gonna return it to its rightful owner.
What? No! If I find gold, I'm keeping it.
You can't disobey the Captain.
That's mutiny! Mutiny! All right, kiddos, time to go! Oh, no! - [roars.]
- It's a sea monster! [dramatic music.]
[yells.]
Everyone to your battle stations! [cannons boom.]
Ah! Ow! Ah! - [indistinct yelling, grunting.]
- Take that! Cut it out! I bruise easy.
[roaring.]
Ah! [grunts.]
And don't come back, ya filthy squid! [all cheer.]
Sorry, folks, but you're on your own.
Those kids are a bunch of bullies.
But what about dinner? All right, can't say I didn't try.
Time to do this the mean way.
[chainsaw whirs.]
Okay, Kratz, so what does the map say? Well, this blue part here is obviously land.
Give me that, bro.
I'm the one majoring in cartography.
Hey, let's use the gravitational pull of that black hole to slingshot our ship.
Gah! Stop that! [chainsaw whirring.]
Huh? Do you guys hear that? [chainsaw whirring.]
That sound.
It's [all scream.]
[crashes.]
[groans.]
Huh? [music.]
Now hand over the boat.
- Ah! - As if! [maniacal clucking.]
[grunts.]
One down, six to go.
All right, scuttlebutts, we have to protect the ship! [lightsaber drones.]
All: Yeah! [swords clank, scrape.]
Ah! [music.]
- [grunts.]
- Ah! [grunting.]
You've messed with the wrong ship, matey.
I am Captain [grunts.]
You kids keep wasting time playing make-believe and nonsense while there are bills to be paid.
This isn't a real pirate ship, and you kids aren't real pirates.
Actually, I'm an astro You're not an astronaut either.
[sighs.]
Stupid kids.
[grunting.]
Thar she goes.
Well, what do we do now? I guess we should get jobs.
[solemn music.]
- [grunts.]
[sighs.]
I have nothing to believe in anymore.
Huh? Hey, Randl, that looks like the old fish bowl you used to play with.
You used to pretend silly things.
You were a very, very lonely child.
Remember that, Randl? Remember? Remember? [playful music.]
Roger that, Mission Control.
We have permission to launch.
Three, two, one blast off! [laughs.]
[sustained notes.]
[music.]
[sighs.]
[snoring.]
[engine ignites.]
[solemn music.]
Huh? Wha-wha- hey, we're going the wrong way.
There's been a change of plans.
But what about our cash money? Look, if you just pipe down, I'll take you out for omelets later.
Oh [music.]
Hey, I I need to talk to you guys.
Uh, can it wait? Our souls have been crushed enough for one day.
Yeah, about that, uh, Captain Randl just acquired a boat, and he wants to take it to the high seas.
But in order to sail the boat in the water, um, I'll need a crew to, like, sing and do pirate stuff.
Is this a trick? Just shut up and get in the boat.
[adventurous music.]
Okay, uh, hang on to your eyepatches or swords or whatever.
[grunts.]
All: Whoa! Yeah! [cheers, laughter.]
I feel 20 years younger.
Ah! The Pirate Queen is here.
[laughs.]
Ooh, [laughs.]
All: Whoa! [music.]
Whoo-hoo! [cheers, laughter.]
Whoo-hoo! [laughs.]
- Thanks, Captain Randl.
- Yeah, yeah.
[indistinct chatter.]
[music.]