Home Economics (2021) s02e20 Episode Script

1 Tom's agent had sent his book out to publishers, and while she tried to drum up offers, all he could do was wait for news.
Patiently.
Sorry, wasn't my agent, but good news: my socks finally shipped.
Sorry.
There's a 40% chance of rain in the Bay Area tomorrow.
The worst part was that, with his novel done, the only writing he was doing was in a recycled journal that his sister bought him.
I can't do this.
It's degrading.
Hey, you chose to be a writer.
No, I'm saying literally, it's look, it's degrading.
Still haven't heard anything? How are you holding up? You know Tom.
He's a rock.
Whoa, hang on.
- This is it! - Oh! Whoa.
We've lost a lot of good mugs this week.
False alarm.
I could've sworn I felt it vibrate.
Sarah's has been the same way.
She hasn't gotten any sleep.
She's nervous about the musical tonight.
- I wouldn't say "nervous.
" - Really? You're not nervous? Oh, no, I am.
I just wouldn't say it.
- It makes it worse.
- Oh, sorry.
It's just, I want everyone to love "Unsung Sheroes: "A Musical Celebration of Groundbreaking Women from Sacagawea to Sotomayor.
" Did the title get longer? It did, and so did the show.
And I was not involved with the rewrites.
Hey, there's nothing to be nervous about, okay? If anything goes wrong, I already taught Gretchen some sweet breakdance moves.
You didn't really do that, did you? Gretchen? Gretchen, honey! My boss has been making me work so late, I'm looking forward to a three-hour show.
I can catch up on some sleep.
- It's actually 3 1/2 hours.
- Yes.
Well, if you sleep through Gretchen's performance, Emily has them recording it, so just let me know.
- I'll shoot you the link.
- Oh, yeah.
'Cause she's in Paris with her new boy mm-mm.
- Boy mm-mm? - Boyfriend.
Yeah, it's okay.
Ex-wives are allowed to have boyfriends.
Because JoJo's gone and I'm all alone and not in Paris with my boyfriend doesn't mean I'm sad or resentful or upset or anything like that.
Haven't been getting much sleep, though.
- Must be a Hayworth thing.
- They're a fragile people.
Oh, here we go.
This is it.
Hello? Yep.
Okay.
- This is actually your phone.
- Oh.
Okay, have fun with your cousins, okay? - Pórtate bien.
- Sí, voy.
Lupe, thank you so much for watching the kids.
Camila's so excited about the show and the sleepover.
Yes, me too.
- Christmas came early.
- Great.
Hmm.
Vamos.
Andale.
So we're free to make this night a little more fun.
- Uh-huh.
- Tom, enough with the phone.
Sorry, it's just, you know, the book.
Yeah, it's done.
You worked hard.
You wrote something great.
So now you deserve to relax.
We deserve to relax.
So I got us these.
Um, we're not allowed to bring outside food into the theater.
They're pot gummies.
They're pot? Relax, narc.
It's legal now.
On a state level, but federally, it's a mixed bag.
I'm so I'm just surprised.
I mean, it's been forever since we've done Where'd you even get it? One of the moms in play group.
- Eliza? - Obviously.
Come on, it'll get your mind off of the book and my mind off of wanting to strangle you when you talk about the book.
A'ight, I'll do it.
I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
Nah, I'm not doing it.
I want to stay sharp in case my agent calls.
What if there's a time-sensitive Saturday night book offer Yeah, sorry, I can't do this.
I'll see you on the other side.
Tonight's gonna fly by, huh? It's supposed to be really long.
Yeah, that was a joke.
Mm, sorry.
I'm just kind of out of it, you know, being the only single guy at one of these things.
I didn't want to say anything, but I've been feeling kind of down lately.
- You've been hiding it well.
- Thank you.
That was also a joke.
Is my timing off today? I mean, I'm happy that Emily's moving on.
I am.
I'm happy for her.
- That's great.
That's so great.
- Yeah.
And, you know, when I was with JoJo, it felt like I was moving on too.
Yeah, it seemed like you and JoJo were meant for each other.
Mm, that was a joke.
It was.
She's back! Yeah, tonight, I'm just gonna focus on Gretchen and not think about relationships.
There he is.
Windmount's most eligible bachelor.
The ladies and I were looking for you all over.
Yeah.
Well, you found me.
Denise, this is Margot.
We were just talking about how crazy it is that this guy is still single.
Really? That's what you all talk about? Yes.
Connor, I'm gonna make it my mission to set you up with someone.
- Oh, please don't.
- Oh.
- I'm gonna go find Sarah.
- Please don't.
You know who's going through an ugly divorce? - Mm? - Linda Keebler.
Oh.
Sorry.
So sorry.
Ten minutes to places, guys.
I'm a lady and a pilot, but don't call me a lady pilot, buster.
- Ooh, sounds good, Gretchen.
- Thanks.
- Hey, Lulu.
- Hi.
It's a packed house out there.
- How are you feeling? - Yeah, yeah.
No, I'm good.
I'm good.
You know, I thought I would have some opening night jitters, but I think because I was so nervous leading up to this that That I think I got it all out of my system, so now, everything's gonna be fine.
- It's not.
- Oh! Hi.
Denise, this is Lauren.
She's vice principal here at Windmount.
- You seem fun.
- I'm not.
Listen, hate to burst your bubble, but Ethan can't run the lights.
His parents just got divorced and his dad took him to Disney World.
Oh, no.
What happens now? Well, I imagine Ethan will live with his mom.
Well, things could change with this trip.
No, I mean with the lights.
Oh.
I guess I will take care of it.
- You'd do that? - I mean, it's sort of my job.
And also, you know, I love the students.
Picking up a slight bit of sarcasm.
Mm-hmm.
Here come the jitters.
Okay, no, it's fine.
It's fine.
- Mm-hmm.
- Nothing else will go wrong.
Sarah, something's gone wrong.
Felt myself jinxing it as I was saying it.
We had to cancel the catering from Carl's Cantina.
Ooh, that's like a vocal warmup.
Carl's Cantina's catering's canceled - Okay, Zarrow, what happened? - Bad batch of romaine.
Oh, okay.
So parents will just have to sit through a three-hour musical on an empty stomach.
Don't worry, your assistant director will be right by your side.
Wait, scratch that, I think I'm about to be violently ill.
Oh, no, you didn't I may have had lunch at Carl's Cantina.
They're known for their lettuce cups.
Break legs.
Kisses.
Ooh, I'm in real trouble.
Ooh! Oh, it's fine.
I'm fine.
- It's gonna be fine.
- Mm-hmm.
She must have fallen into a sinkhole.
- Who? - My agent.
She must have been driving along, about to call me, when the Earth just opened up and swallowed her whole.
It's literally the only explanation.
Okay, I'm taking your gummy too.
You sure that's a good idea? It's fine.
Worst case, I fall asleep.
Which is also best case.
Marina! That's weird.
It's already kicking in.
I thought I just heard my boss.
Marina! Marina! And now I think I'm seeing my boss.
Wait, that's Robot Richard? Yep, he's utterly emotionless.
Marina, I thought that was you, and it was.
What a pleasant surprise.
What are you doing here? I mean, Richard, hi! What are you what are you doing here? I have a niece in the show.
She's playing Clara Barton, the founder of the Red Cross.
As you can tell, I'm over the moon.
- Huh.
- Our niece is in the show too.
What a funny coincidence, Marina.
I'm very excited that we ran into each other.
- Are you? - Don't I sound excited? Oh, no, yeah.
No, very.
The cidery case has me concerned.
It's making me really agitated.
I'd love to discuss it further.
Absolutely.
First thing on Monday.
Yeah, she'll just kind of circle back on Monday.
Why wait? Let's talk during intermission.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't want to miss this.
The thought of seeing my niece on stage is quite special.
Sorry to get so emotional.
Pull it together, Richard.
Huh.
Wow.
That'll be interesting.
At intermission, you're gonna be high as a kite.
It's fine.
I just took one.
- You took two.
- Oh, right.
This thing says the dosage is half a gummy? Why the hell would they do that? Oh, my God, that's why I can't feel my hands.
Oh, crap.
Can you feel my hands? Yes, I can feel your hands.
Okay, then maybe we'll be okay.
Hey.
How are you guys doing? I'm high and I can't feel my hands.
Great, sweet.
Hey, do you mind if I sit with you guys? I'm trying to avoid this woman Hey, stranger.
Where have you been? Definitely not hiding, that's for sure.
Come sit with us.
We hate to see you alone.
Oh, um, yeah.
No, I just Bro, I got my own thing.
I don't know if Linda's for me.
Oh, then what about Suzanne? Her husband just went to jail for insider trading.
- That could be something.
- Mm.
Yeah, I just I don't know how to say this, but I don't know if any of the single moms at this school are what I'm looking for.
Oh, yes.
I completely understand.
Um, my new husband, he does travel a great deal.
I have an apartment in the city.
It's just me and my birds.
Yeah.
What's that? Hmm? Show's starting? No more talking? - Oh, I gotta go sit down.
- Okay, let's go get cozy.
- Oh, okay, um - No.
And you're following me.
Okay.
All right.
Five minutes, people.
Okay.
You seem good.
Yeah, you know, things go wrong.
This is live theater.
You know? So my assistant director locked himself in the bathroom and the parents are starving and Lauren has to learn all of those light cues that took us weeks to plan, but the show must go on.
Miss Sarah, I can't find my earrings.
What? She just said she can't find her earrings.
She needs those chunky earrings.
How is she how is anyone gonna know that she's Geraldine Ferraro without those chunky earrings? Isn't the first line of the song, "The sun will come up Ferraro"? That could mean anything! Who am I kidding? This is just off the rails.
Okay, so we're not in a place of logic right now.
Everyone is gonna see me fail.
The parents, the teachers, that critic from "The Fourth Grade Chronicle" who's so snotty.
He just tears every performance apart.
This is gonna be a disaster.
- It's gonna be a disaster? - What? No, honey, that's not what I meant I don't think I can do this! Two minutes, everyone.
Okay, we might be in trouble now.
Yeah, she's the first number of the show, - so I'm gonna go - I'm on it.
- Yep.
- Okay.
Okay, let's lose the clouds.
Get the "votes for women" sign.
Cady Stanton, you're up.
I found my earrings.
They were in my pocket.
Oh, you're killing me, Ferraro.
Women should vote free ♪ - Wow.
- I know.
It makes you think, but it also gets your toes tapping.
No, I mean I can really feel it.
Okay.
Let's take it down a notch.
Your boss is looking at us.
I'm so tired of faking ♪ A democracy that can't live free ♪ Without you and me ♪ She fell down.
She died of heart failure.
Oh, wow.
She was so young.
Okay.
Mr.
Hayworth? Oh, Vice Principal Lauren.
I was just, um you mind if I watch in the booth? Sure.
Margot won't find you here.
Oh, you saw that? Yeah, she gave me the key to her apartment.
There's a lot of those in the lost and found.
I just needed a break from all these people.
I don't blame you.
They're the worst.
Shouldn't the vice principal at least, I don't know, pretend to like the parents? You know what, that's actually Huh, that's a really good point.
No problem.
No, I'm gonna take that with me.
Thanks so much.
See, that was me pretending.
- Oh, wow.
- Yep.
I was convinced.
What am I doing back here? I should be up there.
It's a waste of talent.
Is that bourbon? Welcome to the booth.
All right.
Gretchen.
Hey, hey.
Hey, Gretchen.
Aunt Sarah was just being silly, okay? Nothing is gonna be a disaster as long as you get out on that stage very soon.
But I'm really scared.
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
What am I gonna do? Aren't you a child therapist? Yeah, and? I am! Right, duh.
So I'll just yep.
Okay.
Hey, Gretch.
Okay.
So let's play a little game, all right? We are going to visualize your fear so you can conquer it.
So close your eyes.
Now, I want you to picture all the things that could go wrong out there, okay? Now what do you see? I'm forgetting my lines, messing up my song, knocking over the set, my pants fell down, and everyone laughs at me.
- Also, there's a fire.
- Okay.
Are we gonna forget our lines? I don't want my pants to fall down.
You're the top half of Julia Child.
You don't have any pants.
Oh, no! No okay.
Hold on.
This is just the first part of the exercise, okay? The next part is that we We visualize everything going right, like applause and acceptance.
- They're all running away.
- Wait, you can't leave.
Julia Child's supposed to be on stage right now.
Where is her bottom half? What the hell is happening? Don't worry.
We're all seeing this.
Why doesn't it speak? Julia Child is famously tall, and I guess the top half does the singing.
Uh, and ladies and gentlemen, that is intermission.
Okay.
Wow, this show is flying by.
What are you talk It's been two songs.
Something's gone wrong.
Come on.
Maybe Richard knows what's up.
- Hey, Richard.
- Hey, what are you doing? We're trying to avoid him.
Right.
It's just that that guy looks a lot like my boss.
What it is your boss! - Come on.
- Oh.
Um, wait, why is it already intermission? Who cares? Let's just take our wins where we can get 'em.
You're a pretty calm person.
I mean, it is an elementary school musical, so the stakes are pretty high.
Should we call the mayor? Well, Denise says, "Everything is under control.
" Although it is in all caps.
I'm sure it's fine, but if you wanna talk real emergencies, we have no food.
Oh, no, I got us covered.
Drawer-D'oeuvres.
Belt nut? Actually, sure.
What do you mean, there's no food? - Not even chicken nuggies? - Focus up.
We can't let your boss see you like this.
Well, that's why we should stand still.
I told you, that's a myth.
Steven Spielberg made it up for "Jurassic Park.
" And your boss is not a dinosaur.
Hey, have you seen Sarah? I thought she was backstage, but I can't find her.
No, but that gives me an idea.
Can you hide Marina backstage so her boss doesn't see her high? Oh, so we're both having a night.
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, where is she? She's Not here.
You lost your wife? You lost your wife! That's fair.
Okay, kids, please, I am literally begging you.
Please open this door.
Hey, there you are.
How's it going? Really bad.
Really bad.
Um, I was so desperate that everything would go off without a hitch that now it's not even going off.
Well, nothing's gonna be perfect, and no one expects this to be.
I was.
I was expecting it to be.
Guys! Lulu, listen.
When my second graders draw a picture of some squiggly lines, their parents love it because they don't know their kid was trying to draw a horse.
Okay, I know that this is supposed to be profound, but what are you trying to say? Stop obsessing over what the show's supposed to be and get those kids out there and make some squiggly lines! - Also, the door's unlocked.
- I was gonna try that.
Yeah.
Hi, guys! She's been on this show called "Influencer Lagoon" for the last couple weeks, and I don't know if it's just the editing, but I feel like there's something between her and Lil Taytay.
Yeah, there was definitely a spark when they were playing that game, Hashtag You're It.
It's a bad show.
Anyway, I guess it's just been a bit of a tough year since the divorce.
Oh, you will get over that.
Being divorced is the best.
You have nobody to answer to.
Like tonight, after this, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna take a bath, and eat a chunk of cheese like it's an apple.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I need to eat more bath cheese and stop chasing some feeling that always seems to end up in sadness.
Now you're getting it.
Feelings are for dummies.
Hey, pistachio me? Ooh! So do we file a subpoena on their tax records now or wait on a full audit on the value of the property before filing a motion to disclose? Hmm.
Wow.
That's a great question.
Such a weird word, "question.
" It's like a quest is on for answers.
Richard, hi.
Hi.
Should we get back in there? Oh, do you hear that? I think it's starting.
I'm obviously excited to see the top half of Julia Child, but I'd like to hear Marina's response.
Uh, okay.
Well, Richard Like, what is property? - Yikes.
- You know? Like, do we own it, or in a way, does it own us? That doesn't make much sense.
Yeah, well, I think what she's trying to say is that Property is an abstract concept.
- No.
- I'm trying to follow you, but it's incredibly difficult.
Fine.
I'm super high.
- Marina - Yeah.
I was supposed to relax tonight.
Tom was supposed to relax.
We were all supposed to relax, but we can't because we're all paranoid about you and your questions.
Questions, questions.
Hey, hey.
We're very sorry, okay? She would never be like this at work.
- You know that.
- The quest is on.
- She's a very serious person.
- Quest is on! Marina, I'm gonna have to ask you to stop right there.
Because I too am super high right now.
- Say what? - What? I'm tripping balls.
I ate two THC-enhanced sour straws.
It's a 3 1/2 hour musical, Marina.
That's unacceptable.
I thought you would've known by the outrageous way I was acting.
- No, not really.
- No.
This is how you always are, Richard.
It's kind of you to lie like that.
The only reason I was talking about work so much is, I was covering for how absolutely blazed I am right now.
Just blitzed out of my skull.
I'm higher than Jerry Garcia on the space shuttle.
- Nailed it.
- Right.
Well, great.
I can't believe you're both high.
Don't be such a square, Tom.
Now, can you help me back to my seat? - I can't feel my legs.
- I can't feel my hands.
Okay, well, let's get you guys back to your seats.
Stick together.
I don't want to lose anyone.
Okay, that's enough food.
Ooh, got you, buddy.
Come on.
This way.
Look, I can't promise that everything will go perfectly, but it doesn't matter if you remember your words or all your dance moves.
What's important is that you just go out there and you have fun, okay? That is perfection.
And everyone who performs gets candy! It's an old teacher trick.
What type of candy? Is it artisanal? I can't do dairy.
Oh, I hate this school.
Women, oh, women ain't treated so good ♪ The music biz may be run by men ♪ But I built Dollywood ♪ Me and Venus are out on the court ♪ I wrote that.
Breaking barriers in this white sport ♪ I'm still out there flying high ♪ Oh, look how good she looks.
She's so cute.
So don't think of this as a last goodbye ♪ Hey, sorry I stressed you out for nothing tonight.
I just really wanted to get your mind off the book.
No, honey, it's okay.
Look, it kind of worked.
I mean, I haven't looked at my phone in hours.
Wait.
Oh, my God.
I I have an offer! - That's amazing, honey! - Oh - Honey.
- What? - Whoa.
- It's amazing! Oh! Let's go, Gretch! Go bow.
Go bow.
- No, no, they did - You did this! Okay, I did.
I did do this.
Where the hell am I? Thank you.
This is the best.
Oh! I thought you were sick.
I never miss a curtain call.
Oh, no.
Here comes my encore.
Okay.
That was actually okay.
Hey, from you, that's a rave review.
I mean, I feel like the lighting was really the star.
Hey, thanks for the drink, and, you know, making me feel better about being alone.
Oh, ain't no shame in being alone, chief.
Tom, you need to take me to the hospital.
No, no, you're fine.
You're fine.
Oh, wow.
- It's just the belt buckle.
- Oh, gotcha.
A gorilla won't kill ya ♪ He'll just give you a thriller ♪ But, man, oh, man ♪ Is the most dangerous animal ♪ Of them all ♪ What the hell is going on? I think it's about Dian Fossey, but done in the style of Bob Fosse.
I hate this school.
Is that Daddy's birthday gorilla? And all that jazz ♪ Happy birthday, Tom ♪