How I Met Your Father (2022) s02e20 Episode Script

1
Upbeat theme playing ♪
Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
♪
So, Hurricane Marcy was raging,
and the power was
out all across the city!
And I'll bet you can't
guess where we went.
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]: Pemberton's.
- Wait.
Did I tell you this part already?
SOPHIE'S SON: No, that's just
the only place you guys ever went.
- [rain falling]
- And on the first day, Sid said,
"Let there be light."
[generator powering up]
[cheering] Yes! It worked!
And you guys said I was so dumb
for buying a generator
on Facebook Marketplace.
Even came with this cool hat.
"Ask me about my generator."
[generator powering down]
Uh, would now be a good time
to ask you about your generator?
- [thunder rumbles]
- I'll go light some candles.
[thunder rolling]
Hey, I just got off with Parker.
Doesn't sound like
she's super stocked up on food,
but at least she's got her cat.
No judgment.
I mean, if-if it's life or death,
like, you have to eat your cat!
Okay, I meant for company,
but helpful as always, Sophie.
Can you believe him?
Okay, so I accused his girlfriend
of being a drug dealer.
It was an honest mistake. I apologized,
and tens of minutes have passed.
Sophie, you want tough or fluff?
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
What's tough or fluff?
Oh, Val and I had
a thing in our friendship.
Sometimes, we needed tough,
real talk, hard truths,
and sometimes, we needed fluff.
Totally unconditional support.
- [hip-hop beat playing]
- Snack, snack, snackin'! ♪
Every day, I'm snackin' ♪
You'll never catch me slackin',
outlaw frackin'! ♪
[beat winds down]
I mean, I could basically be
a professional rapper, right?
Tough or fluff?
Fluff.
Snack Snack Snacking
is gonna go platinum.
[excited squeal] Yes!
But, um [clears throat]
it's actually called Reflections.
Sorry.
Fluff.
[flatly] Jesse is being crazy.
So you accused his girlfriend
of a federal crime.
Everyone does that every day.
Get over it already, dude.
I'm so glad you agree. I need a drink.
Drink?
SOPHIE: What?
It's my signature margarita.
A drink meant to be savored.
Uh, as you sip, you'll
notice top notes
- Can you make me another one?
- Hell, yes!
[thunder rumbles]
All storms pass. All storms pass
[loud thunderclap]
Um, Charlie?
Are you afraid of the storm?
What? No!
[loud thunderclap] [yelps]
Okay, fine. Yes. I'm terrified.
When I was a boy, whenever it stormed,
my mother would
leave me at home with the corgis
while she went off
and got drunk with the Denches
or the Mirrens.
[thunder rumbling] [dogs barking]
[young Charlie barking]
[laughs] Those little guys hated storms.
I suppose somewhere along the line,
I inherited their fear.
Isn't that funny?
[thunder cracks] Ruff! Ruff!
Um, Charlie, you sure it wasn't
the trauma of being abandoned
that made you like this?
Valentina, I wasn't abandoned.
I was left with some of the finest
animals in the Commonwealth
and enough ground beef
to keep all of our coats nice and shiny.
Oh, my.
Charlie, storms don't have to be scary.
Sure, they can indiscriminately kill,
but when they don't?
Oh, it's like one big adult slumber party.
You get to hang out with your friends
all night and do dumb shit.
How's that different
from what we normally do?
There's candles. Keep up.
Just stick with me.
I'll show you how to do storms right.
[rain gets louder]
[thunder cracks]
Oh, my God! Hannah? [Hannah laughs]
What are you doing here?
I decided to fly out early
and surprise you.
I got on the last flight out
before they canceled everything.
When I was boarding, the gate agent
looked me dead in the eyes
and said, "Girl, I wouldn't."
[giggles] But you did! And you're here.
Yeah, I am.
Damn it!
I should be with Parker right now,
having my own hurricane smooches,
instead of stuck here with you idiots.
You know what? Screw it.
I'm gonna go check on her.
- [wind howling]
- Oh, my God!
Why did I decide to check
on my girlfriend?!
[thunder cracks]
You know, she
She said she was fine. [laughs]
Believe women much?
[text notification chimes]
Hey, can I ask you something?
You know, brother's boss
to employee's sister?
Uh, sure.
Sophie invited me over tonight.
It means she's, like,
into me again, right?
- Totally.
- So I should go for it?
Yep. Do that.
Okay, charming boy.
You got this.
[toilet flushes] [Hannah sighs]
- Oh. Hey, girl.
- Question.
- Who is Eli?
- What?
You just texted me,
"Eli, please don't contact me again.
It was a one-time thing."
Autocorrect is the worst!
That was supposed to say
"Ellen, please contact me for a
fun wine thang."
As much as I would love
for you to text me exactly that,
I'm not buying it.
Now, who is Eli?
Just some guy I worked with.
Last night,
some of us went out after a long shift,
and I had a few too many, and we
- we made a mistake.
- What kind of a mistake?
Are we talking head, shoulders,
knees, or toes?
I have no idea what that means,
but we just we kissed.
Okay, so toes. Got it. [Hannah sighs]
When are you gonna tell Sid?
I wasn't planning on it.
What? You have to!
He deserves to know.
Also, I can't keep a secret.
And I don't wanna
get political right now,
but secret secrets are no fun.
Secret secrets hurt someone.
Ellen, please. You cannot tell him.
I don't wanna blow up my marriage!
Not when we're finally in the same city.
Fine. I won't say anything.
[Hannah sighs]
Thanks.
Ew, wash your hands!
You're a doctor.
♪
♪
And that's when Layla heard it.
[creepy voice]
Play with me! Play with me!
[Charlie muttering]
[normal] Coming from inside
- the toy chest!
- Ooh! It's the haunted doll again,
isn't it? Isn't it?
I hope Parker's still doing okay.
I'm sure she's fine.
Didn't you talk to her
- like 60 seconds ago?
- You know what, Drew?
A lot can happen in 60 seconds, okay?
I mean, you can watch
1/60 of 60 Minutes.
You know? Nicolas Cage can steal a car.
You can have sex!
In 60 seconds?
Sweetie, don't go around sayin' that.
You know what? Screw the storm, alright?
I'm really going this time!
- To give her 60 seconds in heaven?
- Yeah, times a million, bro!
[wind howling]
Maybe I'll just send her
one of those Jesse Bitmojis.
You know, like the one where I-I'm
holding the big heart. [nervous laugh]
Hey, um,
you know the laundromat
across the street?
Uh, the one run by the husband and wife?
Eduardo and Cynthia?
Yeah, I love them!
They put a photo of me up on their wall,
even though I'm not famous.
It's me, Ashley Olsen, and Bloomberg!
It's a pretty weird wall.
[nervous laugh]
That's so interesting. Anyway, I, uh
Yesterday, I was dropping off
my power suits
when I saw Cynthia making out with a guy
who was not Eduardo.
- [laughs] No.
- Yeah.
- No.
- Yes.
They just had their
30th anniversary, Ellen.
I went to the party.
I did not realize you were
so close to them. Um
Okay, who was she kissing?
I, uh Th-The younger guy
that works there.
- Alfonso? Ew!
- Yes.
- That's her nephew!
- No, not him! Okay, no.
No, uh [stammering]
I think it was the starch guy.
The starch guy!
- Hank?
- Yes.
His boyfriend's gonna be heartbroken!
Look
- I-I don't know who the guy was.
- Uh-huh.
But what I need to know is
if you were Eduardo,
would you wanna know what your wife did,
or-or should she take it to the grave?
Well, technically,
Cynthia wants to be cremated,
and then scattered in the park
where she met Eduardo.
- I know!
- Aw Oh, my God! Not important.
Um
Just tell me what to do.
I'd wanna know.
S-So, I should tell him?
No! He needs to hear it from her.
And hopefully, Cynthia's gonna do
the right thing and tell him.
You need to tell him.
Tonight. Or I will.
[thunder cracks]
Well, I didn't plan for that to happen,
but it was rad. [laughs]
[inaudible]
I'm gonna make the next round!
Here are the drinks
that I know how to make. Okay.
Vodka cran, vodka soda,
and my personal favorite
is a vodka vodka. [laughs]
And I will take a vodka cran.
Gets you buzzed and good for your tract.
You know, fun fact, boys get UTIs, too.
I'm just gonna keep saying words now
to push that UTI thing
just right through your brain. [laughs]
So, candle, beverages,
time machine.
[laughs] [glasses clink]
Alright, um, I'm just gonna say
this right now
before I lose my nerve. Soph, I
I feel like there's still
something between us.
And I'm pretty sure you feel it, too.
- I do?
- Yeah.
I mean, why else would you
just call me out of the blue
and invite me to Jesse's packing party?
Oh
And you remember
the night of Melody's birthday
when you helped Jesse
patch things up with the other teachers,
and we, like, you know, we had a moment?
Whatchu you doing?
Oh, I think I lost my beanie.
No! I loved that beanie. [scoffs]
Good night.
Good night indeed.
♪
You complimented my beanie 'cause
you want take two with Drew.
Don't you?
- Drew
- Oh, you don't.
I'm so sorry. I just
I meant like, "I love your beanie!"
Not like, "I love your beanie."
[laughs] I-It's not your fault.
I-I have a history of overreacting
to compliments.
Um, when I was in first grade,
I got to be principal for the day,
and my teacher was like,
"Drew, you're a natural."
And I based my entire life
around that moment.
Uh
I'm just not in th-the place
where I can even
[sighs] think about guys right now.
- Still into Jesse?
- Very much so.
Oh man.
I have to tell you something.
After you left that night,
I went into Sid's office
to check the lost and found
for my beanie
and I found a song
Jesse wrote about you on an old receipt.
I recognized his handwriting
from the complaint box at school.
That guy really wants school buses
to drop off the teachers, too.
Jesse wrote a song about me?
Yeah.
And I felt like if you ever knew that,
I would never stand a chance.
[thunder rumbles]
[Sophie sighs] I'm really sorry, Sophie.
I have been meaning to throw this away,
but it's really very good.
Here. You deserve to know
how he feels about you.
Thank you.
[sighs] Wow. Uh,
yeah, I would go home
I know. Th-The storm is
No. My mom's having a guy over.
[thunder cracks]
♪
[thunder continues]
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, Charlie,
tell me.
Who's
the baby bird?
[bird whistling]
Ellen's the baby bird! No, she's not.
No, no, Sid is! It's Sid!
Okay, that's my final answer.
I would recognize
those pouty lips anywhere.
[Drew whistling]
[loud laughter]
I love this game! Right.
- Hey.
- Yeah.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Uh, yeah.
[thunder rumbles]
What the hell is this?
- Where did you get that?
- It doesn't matter!
You wrote a love song about me.
That's not a love song,
and it's not about you, so
It's called Love Song (Sophie)
AKA, I Love You, Sophie!
Okay, fine. It's about you. I [sighs]
After things imploded between us,
I guess I still had some
leftover feelings.
[scoffs] Leftover feelings.
What am I, soup dumplings that
you are saving for a rainy day?
Don't be ridiculous. You can't save
soup dumplings. They don't keep.
[sighs] Well, who cares?
Why are you yelling at me about
something I wrote months ago?
Because you are a coward!
[thunder rumbles]
If you had all these feelings,
then you should have told me.
- Not this receipt!
- Oh, my God. You are such a hypocrite.
What? How?
Because you've had feelings for me,
too! I felt it a thousand
times this year!
On Valentine's Day!
O-Or when I tell you how to drive!
Or earlier tonight,
when you accused my girlfriend
of being a drug dealer to try
and sabotage my relationship!
So what? You ever listen to music
or watch a movie? Drug dealers are cool.
Oh, my God.
Fine.
Maybe I have had
leftover feelings for you, too,
but I had good reason
for not saying anything.
Oh, really? Pray tell.
[scoffs] I didn't say anything
because the last time we tried this,
I got burned!
You got burned?
You got back with your ex, like,
an hour after we had a slight hiccup!
A slight hiccup?
Can you stop repeating
the ends of my sentences?
[sighs] You know what?
I'm done with this conversation.
- No, I'm done with this conversation.
- You just did it again!
Actually, I'm not done!
[thunder cracks]
You completely freaked out on me
because I said, "I love you."
Do you have any idea how much that
hurt? I wouldn't call
that a slight hiccup.
Okay, it was a medium hiccup.
No, it was a giant hiccup!
[fake awkward chatter] [Sophie sighs]
You wanna know why
you freaked out, Sophie?
Because you're the coward. Not me. You.
[rain falling]
[sighs] But I've moved on, okay?
And you should, too.
Now, I am going to my girlfriend's place
if it kills me.
[thunder cracks]
[loud thunderclap]
Do you think it killed him?
Melancholy music ♪
♪
Soph, you wanna talk about it?
SOPHIE: No!
You wanna drink about it?
[thunder rumbling, rain falling]
[laughs]
SID: Hey.
Seeing that, um,
Sophie and Jesse meltdown earlier
by the way, awkward [nervous laugh]
they really put things into perspective,
you know?
What Eduardo and Cynthia have is rare,
so I changed my mind.
She shouldn't tell him about the kiss.
Wow.
What a beautiful 180
you've made on this issue.
[both laugh]
Hey, Sid, can we talk?
Uh, nope. Not until we talk.
[nervous laugh]
Talking? I love talking!
Uh, Women Talking. Look Who's Talking.
Talking Heads ♪
I'm Talking Dead ♪
Okay. I was wrong.
You don't have to tell Sid.
- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't!
I can't keep this from him.
Thank you, Ellen, for making me realize.
You're not welcome. Do you hear me?
[loud whisper] You're not welcome!
Okay!
For the next round of
"Keep it Down, Charlie Brown,"
I've made you
[bottle sputters] Eep!
a mayo and Midori. [sighs]
- Now, dizzy up, sailor!
- Do I really have to?
- Dizzy up!
- Oh.
- Okay.
- Alright.
[gagging]
[coughs]
Oh! [laughs] [Charlie groans]
- You are going down, Morales.
- Okay.
[thunder cracks]
And 25.
Twenty-five what?
Claps of thunder you haven't noticed.
- Oh, really?
- Really.
Told you. Stick with me.
Huh.
Val, I want you to know that, um
that even though we
want different things,
if I could go back to the night
that we first met,
I'd do it all over again. You know that.
I-I would walk away from my family
and the money. Everything.
You and me?
I'd do it all over again.
Yeah. Me, too.
But I'd also want you to figure out
how to keep the money.
Yeah.
[sniffles]
Sid, you have to believe me.
It was a stupid, drunken,
one-time kiss. That's all.
[sighs]
Sid, please say something.
[thunder rumbles]
I, uh
I forgive you, Hannah.
I mean, not yet 'cause it's been,
like, 10 minutes and right now
I'm still imagining the countless ways
it coulda gone down.
Like, was it a snog? Was it a smooch?
Was it a neck? Was it a mack?
Was it straight down the barrel?
- It was a
- Don't, Hannah!
Like
literally anything you say right now
is the wrong answer.
But, I also get it. [sighs]
I kinda had a thing with someone, too.
- Sophie?
- No. Why would you think that?
No, it was this woman
I met on a flight to see you.
- Oh.
- Taylor.
Nothing happened. We just
We texted too much.
It felt like something coulda happened,
so I just I shut it down.
[sighs]
Hannah,
long distance was brutal.
We're finally together.
Now, let's just
start afresh.
- Okay?
- [inhales] Yes.
- Yes! God
- Yeah?
God, yes!
Eli is out of my life forever.
I mean, that's why
I got out of LA so fast.
I didn't even use my packing cubes. I
just shoved all my crap right in there.
And I blocked Eli's number,
his socials, his emails, everything.
Wait, you didn't use your packing cubes?
Huh?
Hannah, if you're so sure
Eli was a one-time thing,
what were you running from?
VALENTINA:
Okay! Enough wallowing. I'm coming in.
Can you believe Jesse out there?
[scoffs] The nerve of him, right?
You want tough or fluff?
- [thunder rumbles]
- Fluff me, baby!
Jesse is so
He is such a
I can't do this.
He's right. You're being a coward.
You've been into him for months
and done nothing about it.
Soph, sometimes life isn't all,
"I need a drink," and then
[poof] A drink appears.
Sometimes, you have to actually
get off your ass and go get your drink.
- But
- Shut up! You've met someone
that you're crazy about,
and there's not some
fundamental dealbreaker
that makes it impossible
for you to ever be together.
Do you know how lucky that makes you?
I will tell you. Very, very lucky,
and you're blowing it.
And it pisses me off!
Whoa.
I just got toughed.
No wonder I never choose that one.
[thunder rumbles]
- Here.
- Where are you going?
I'm going to get my drink, okay?
And, to be clear,
my drink is Jesse.
I realize it could be confusing
because I also like drinking so much.
Go!
[sighs]
Oh well.
- Hey
- Oh!
[gasping] Hi
How long have you been in here?
Long time. I came in here to mope,
but then Sophie came in here to mope
and didn't see me
and I, like, waited too long
to tell her I was in here,
and it got weird,
so I just decided to wait it out.
But then, you started moping
and I could feel the cycle
repeating itself,
so I said, hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Forever Young by Alphaville playing ♪
- [rain falling]
- Oh!
[panting]
I was finally ready.
I was gonna put
my whole heart on the line
and get my drink.
[wind howling]
Ah! No! Damn it!
Heaven can wait ♪
What are you doing here?
I made it all the way
to Parker's apartment,
and as soon as she opened the door,
I realized that
I haven't moved on. And I don't want to.
[sighs] Really?
Really.
I haven't moved on either.
You're right. I'm scared. I'm
I'm terrified, actually,
that you are gonna break my heart.
I know. I know, but I-I won't, okay?
I-I mean, look at you!
It's much more likely
that you're gonna break my heart,
so just don't, okay?
I won't.
I won't either.
Neither of us had any idea
if we were telling the truth.
But that's the thing
about falling in love.
At a certain point,
you have to push past all the doubt
and just go for it.
Otherwise,
you'll never get to have
an absolutely perfect kiss
on a New York street
in the middle of a hurricane.
I love you.
[laughs] I love you, too!
Forever young ♪
I want to be forever young ♪
Do you really want to live forever? ♪
[coughing]
Taking in too much water.
Yeah, this isn't safe.
We'll kiss more inside.
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
I thought you said it was perfect.
It was.
[Jesse laughing] [Sophie gasping]
Why do you two look so happy?
[giggling]
Forever young ♪
Why do you look so devastated?
[thunder claps]
Forever young ♪
Do you really want to live ♪
Forever? ♪
[boxes crashing, smashing]
- [Valentina moaning]
- Wait. Um, is this a dare?
It's okay if it is!
I'll still do whatever you want.
- Shut up, Drew.
- Okay.
[crashing]
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
Wait, I didn't know they had a thing.
Oh yeah. Total disaster.
But if they hadn't gotten together,
I don't think Charlie and Val
would have ever had Alex.
SOPHIE'S SON:
Whoa, why was that in your bra?
For dramatic effect.
[doorbell dings] Oh! My pizza's here.
Forever young ♪
I wanna be forever young ♪
Do you really want to live ♪
Forever? ♪