Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s02e20 Episode Script

- Oh! - Oh-h, my Sicilian! Why don't you look where you're going, Mr shirt and pants? I have the right of way here.
You have the right of nothing! You must yield to oncoming traffic.
I am the oncoming traffic.
You'd better get a refund on your walking lessons.
For your information, I am self-taught.
That's pretty big talk for a guy with sun-dried tomatoes on his loafers.
You are just lucky that my religion forbids violence.
Why don't you come here and say that? Because my religion forbids violence.
Open your ears.
Oh Now look what you've done! You've made me hit some innocent man's car! That's my car.
I'm so sorry.
Heh-heh.
Season 2 Episode 20 Marriage Minded - Darling? Hello! - Oh, you're home! - Darling? Hello! - Oh, you're home! You're finally home! - How was your trip? - Oh I don't go to Dubai more often.
Ah, you poor thing.
You look tired.
Whew! All Karim and I did was work, sleep, eat the occasional meal.
Excellent restaurants, mind you.
World class.
Good.
You deserve it.
See the occasional movie.
The odd concert Well, you can't work all the time.
- And the parties! - Parties? You wouldn't believe how many people Karim knows.
Everywhere we went, "Karim! Karim! Karim!" - He's like the king of Dubai.
- Oh, like Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum? You left behind your rough guide.
So, did you bring anything home for the Queen of Mercy? - Yes, of course, darling.
Yes, yes, yes - Oh, yay! - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes - What's wrong? Well, I'm picturing a store near the hotel.
I'm picturing seeing something in the window.
And can you picture giving it to your wife in the next couple of seconds? And then he insulted my walking abilities.
Me! You've been walking for years.
Mister big-shot with his fancy car and his shirt and pants.
- Wow, clothes.
A real blue-blood.
- I find at a time like this, - food helps to - I will show him.
Baber never forgets a slight.
And that's why you're so much fun to be around! Mm-hmm.
- Whoa, are you all right? - You must have hurt your back.
- Would you, uh, jump through fire? - Wall or ring? - Ring.
- Piece of cake.
Would you change your name to Gladys? Oh, that's that's a toughie.
- Salaam aleikum, guys.
- Waleikum salaam.
Whatcha doing? We're playing the "what would you do for a million dollars" game.
Oh, okay.
I'd eat a tube of toothpaste.
That's more like the "what would you do for $5" game.
Okay, uh two tubes of toothpaste.
- Dad! - Huh! - Oh! My precious, my sweetness - Welcome home! They haven't seen each other for a while, so they're going to want to hug each other.
- J.
J.
! - Hey! Hug you, too.
- Salaam aleikum.
- Waleikum salaam.
- Amaar, do you mind if I steal J.
J.
? - Only if you bring him back.
Oh, so, I I spoke to my father this morning.
Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun in Dubai.
It was just like old times.
But between you and me, your father's lost a lot of hair.
How are things going here? It's going great.
We we've begun excavation on the substation, and we are No, no, no, no.
I mean between you and Rayyan.
Oh.
Uh Well we've been, uh we've been spending a lot of time together.
- Uh - Ah! I like that smile.
I think I like that smile.
Huh? Oh, no time in public.
Spending a lot of time together in public.
Better.
And? Um - Can I be honest with you, Mr.
Hamoudi? - Yes, yes, yes.
Come on, you're wasting precious answering time.
Okay.
I I like Rayyan very much.
In fact With your blessings, of course, I'd like to ask for her hand.
- Mr.
Hamoudi? - Call me dad! - There's just one thing.
- Five grandchildren will suffice.
Two boys, two girls the last one's your choice.
Wow.
Uh, not that.
I can't officially pop the question until my dad calls you.
You know, father of the groom calls father of the bride.
- My dad's very old-fashioned.
- Of course.
Obviously I wanted to talk to you first, man-to-man, but when he calls you tomorrow, can you play dumb? You can't spell "contractor" without "actor".
I got it.
Afternoon, Amaar.
Hi.
- Everything okay? - Why do you ask? Oh, nothing, just that was a new box of pencils this morning.
I like sharp pencils, okay? If you figure out a way to make them sharp without getting them shorter, - I'd like to hear about it.
- I'll come back No, listen, sorry, sorry.
I'm - I'm a little tense.
- Anything you want to talk about? It's nothing, just have you ever realized you wanted something, but you only realized you wanted it after you saw someone else had it? - Is this about my Neil Sedaka CD? - Never mind.
Are you sure you're going to be able to pray? Maybe you should give it a rest.
Because I love you, I'm going to pretend I did not hear that.
You don't have to kneel if you can't, Baber.
Why don't you just sit on one of the chairs? The chair people? Why don't I just wear a big sign that says "Decrepit Old Man"? Wouldn't that hurt your back more? You have to see a chiropractor.
No.
The problem will self-correct.
These chiropractors do they require an appointment or can I just show up? I have big news! Big, big, big news! You found Sarah a better husband who does buy her gifts? - I may have mentioned it to her.
- In passing.
- All the way to Dubai and no presents.
- How humiliating for her.
I'm sure they're talking about somebody else.
Anyway it's bigger than that.
It's huge.
You found Sarah a more considerate husband who does buy her gifts.
You found Sarah a more considerate husband who does buy her gifts.
- I'll go.
- Are you sitting down? - You can see me.
- Sorry, I'm just Very excited.
Our daughter, Rayyan Hamoudi, - Dr.
Rayyan Hamoudi, our daughter - Yes? Yes? Is getting married! - What? - Yes! - Rayyan is getting married? - Yes! - Yes! Yes! - Oh my god! Oh, oh I have to book a hall and and call the caterers! Oh, was it romantic? Oh, I bet it was romantic.
When did J.
J.
Ask her? How how did he ask her? He hasn't.
Not yet.
But he's going to.
It's just a formality.
Rayyan accepting her own proposal is just a formality? Honey melon, you're missing the point.
He has my blessing! Well, what about Rayyan's blessing? Has it occurred to you she might say no? Why? Has she said something? No! But I just mean, there are other people involved here besides you and J.
J.
My goodness.
You're right.
This makes Karim and I practically brothers! Yes! Yes! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! You're not jumping.
Do you see that curve? That's what'll happen to you if you do not sit up straight.
Dad, everybody's spine is curvy.
And if everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do that too? Hmm? All right.
Mr.
Sir di kwee.
- You! Shirt and pants! - You! Hat and - You! Shirt and pants! - You! Hat and beard! Why are you here? What did you do to the chiropractor? Step on him? I am the chiropractor.
I will not be treated by this man! He's not the only chiropractor in town.
Actually, I am.
What did you do to the other chiropractors? Step on them? Let's go.
You must be wondering what this is all about.
Actually, I'm pretty used to this sort of thing.
- So, do you like J.
J.
? - Sure, I like him.
I mean, I haven't made any decisions yet Well, exactly.
It's up to you.
It doesn't matter what J.
J.
and your father decide.
- Wait, did they talk? - Yes! Now your father's dancing around like it's a done deal.
- Aww.
Well, that's sort of cute.
- No, it's not cute.
It's medieval.
What, he's dancing around with a lute? So you don't mind two men treating you like chattel? - You're supposed to be a feminist.
- I am a feminist.
But if J.
J.
wants to talk to dad before he talks to me, that's fine.
At the end of the day, the decision's still mine.
- So you're okay with this? - Yes! - Isn't that the only thing that matters? - Yeah, I guess so.
No, it's not.
I'm the mother of the bride.
This isn't about you, it's about me.
- Well, wasn't your wedding about you? - No, it was about my mum.
And this is about me and I'm getting ripped off.
Well, I'm sorry to be ruining my wedding for you.
Salaam alei kum? - Sarah.
What's wrong? - Nothing.
Everything's great! I guess I just thought I'd be happier the day my daughter got engaged.
Engaged? So, what are you having? Burning, searing pain in my chest.
Got it.
One spicy curry.
- Morning, honey.
You off to work? - Unless you want to do it for me.
I mean, it's not about me, right? It's all about you.
- What's wrong with Rayyan? - Oh, we had another fight.
But you know what? No more.
I am the mother of the bride-to-be and it's time I embraced that.
Well, I'm relieved to hear you say that.
'Cause I was afraid for a second she might be mad at J.
J.
Has Karim called? I'm expecting a call.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
J.
J.
and Karim.
Karim and J.
J.
If you love them so much, why don't you marry them? I know that you're no expert in Islam, but even you must know that that sort of thing is frowned upon.
Oh, I it's just it's all going down so fast and I feel left out.
Oh, darling, you're right.
From now on, it's going to be all Sarah, all the time.
My 24-hour Sarah channel.
- of Sarah.
- Oh, you're right.
We shouldn't fight.
Mm.
Besides, fighting at the wedding would embarrass us in front of J.
J.
and Karim.
- Salaam aleikum.
- Waleikum salaam.
I see you're returning your salaams again.
That's good.
Yeah, I am so sorry about yesterday.
I'm just really stressed out.
Anything you want to talk about? It's okay.
I'll work through it on my own.
- Okay.
- 'Kay.
Uh, unless there was something that you wanted to talk about? No! Yes.
Well, now that I've run into you, I was sort of curious about, uh - Oh, hi, Layla.
- Rayyan, do you do house calls? - Ooh! Agh! - Oh.
Okay! I'm afraid you'll just have to take it easy for a little while.
But I'll give you something for the pain.
Islam forbids narcotics.
Go do your pushing somewhere else, pusher! Islam has nothing against prescription medicine.
Take the pills.
It's either that or a whole lot of misery.
- I'll be fine.
- I was talking about me.
He'll be fine.
It's just a mild opiate.
Well, well, well, surprise, surprise.
Says here immigrants are less likely to speak English than people born here.
Says here immigrants are less likely to speak English than people born here.
- Typical.
Hmmph! - I'm with you, Fred.
Uh, no, he's not.
Not with me.
Heh-heh.
Last thing I need is my name on some watch list.
Watch list! Wake up people! Oh, I love this guy! Come here, you big son of a gun, you! Oh! M- m-mwah! - I think I'm going to hurl.
- How do you think I feel? - I had to watch.
- Oh-h.
Sleep well, little chickens.
Soon you'll be hatched! - Uh, nice weather we're having.
- Yes.
The weather is good.
Come on, Karim, call! We have a wedding to plan.
Water lily! You've unlocked yourself from the bedroom.
Oh, I couldn't stay mad.
I found this.
- Our wedding album! - Yeah.
Memories of your mother's special day.
Oh, I'm sorry I've been so touchy about the whole proposal thing.
I guess I'm just remembering the night you proposed - and how special it was - I will never forget it.
I paid the guy $100 to stop the Ferris wheel right at the top.
Oh, and then they couldn't start it again, so they had to bring in that cherry picker to rescue us.
And then I paid the cherry picker guy $200.
- Oh, good times.
- Yes.
What, are you expecting a call? What? No.
Why would I be expecting a call when the only person that matters is sitting right here? So you're just staring at the phone in hopes of levitating it.
You used to love my magic tricks.
Come on, Karim! Come on! Let me ask you something.
- You've married a lot of young couples.
- Indeed I have.
And half of those marriages crash and burn, right? That's a national statistic.
You can't blame me for all of them.
No, no, I know.
I'm just saying, when you meet a couple, how do you know they're not making a mistake? Well, I do counselling.
But there are no guarantees.
Except my quiz.
That's pretty much a guarantee.
- Quiz? - Premarital quiz.
If a couple fails that well, let's just say: Don't go overboard on the wedding gifts.
Interesting.
- Actually, it's quite sad.
- Yes, very sad.
Chicken wing Wednesdays at Fatima's.
Thanks for the invite, Amaar.
Yeah, I was surprised.
I had the impression you were avoiding me.
Don't be stupid.
I mean, don't be silly.
- I mean, don't be a stupid jerk.
- Huh? Hey! Look what I found.
It is a marriage quiz of Reverend Magee's.
We could, uh, read it for fun as we wait for chicken wings Your wings are here.
- As we eat the chicken wings.
- Amaar? If you ask me, some of the questions are pretty stupid.
"Do you and your partner share the same taste in films?" Oh, actually, the other day, we both realized we loved old Bob Hope movies.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Meaningless.
Uh, this one's better.
"Do you and your partner share similar goals for the future?" Well - that's a good question.
Um - Well, do you? Amaar.
You're right.
Never mind.
Do we want another basket of wings? Do we want another jug of cola? Do you ever feel disrespected or controlled by your partner? That's enough.
You're right, we don't need any more wings.
What are your plans for children? Does your partner like kids? - We have to go.
- Uh, no we don't.
Ooh.
Dissimilar goals for the future.
Eeesh, that's bad.
Goodbye, Amaar.
Sorry.
Ah-heh Rayyan, wait - Did I just step on a gumball? - Baber decided to free the chickens.
You big son of a gun, you! M- m-mwah! Dad? - Dad, what are you doing? - Getting rid of these devil pills.
And then I'm going to pray harder than I've ever prayed in my life.
There.
Feel better? Mm, half better.
Well, a quarter.
Creeping up on a third.
Mmm, just relax.
It's just you and your attentive husband and the soothing sounds of an ocean bree Karim! Hello? Hey, my good friend! Yes! How are you? Hello? Anyone? A little help, please? Baber, are you still praying? I'm finished.
But I'm stuck.
How long have you been here? Unless you've invented some kind of floor clock, I can't tell you.
Ahhh! Oh, why'd I let you talk me into this? I turn my back on this man for one second and look what he does.
Hey, I didn't have a great day either, okay? We all have problems.
Tell me about it.
You should see what this guy did to my tail light.
What is wrong with you? You're not yourself lately.
- Not that I'm complaining.
- Nothing.
Nothing I could tell you, anyway.
Oh, don't tell Baber.
Baber wouldn't understand.
- Baber is an idiot.
- You can tell me.
- Ahh! - You're not the idiot.
I am.
I've been trying to interfere with someone else's happiness when I should be doing the opposite.
I feel like a failure as an imam and as a friend.
As an imam, you have a long list of failings - Thank you.
- But you're not a failure as a friend.
I don't think.
Obviously, we're just acquaintances.
- Aargh! Flip over.
I don't understand you.
Why don't you just tell Rayyan how you feel? Who said this was about Rayyan? Please! A blind man could see how you feel about that girl.
- Really? - Yes, but Rayyan is not a blind man.
You have to talk to her.
How can someone whose sermons are so long-winded not think about talking when it counts? You're right.
What am I doing here? Baber, I've got to go.
You are here for my protection! Don't leave me alone with this man! Just you and me, hat and beard.
Aaah! Oh-h-h! Do it again.
Oh, how was your big important phone call with Karim? Fantastic news, darling! Oh, what, Karim's moving in with us? Even better.
You can relax.
The engagement is finally official.
Really? J.
J.
Proposed? Rayyan said yes? Soon.
Very soon.
W- what does that mean, "very soon"? What's official about that? Well, J.
J.
couldn't talk to Rayyan until his father talked to me.
And now he has.
Oh, I see.
So, technically, Karim proposed to you.
- Yes! - Ugh! But darling, you're missing the big picture.
There's going to be a wedding and we're the happy parents! You and me or you and Karim? You and me, sweetheart.
How could you think I was saying that? At least I don't think I was saying that - So, my baby's getting married? - Yes! - Oh-h-h-h! Yay! - Yes! Yes! She she could be, yes.
Rayyan! - I've been looking all over for you.
- I'm 30 feet away from your office.
Well, I was going to look all over for you.
I just got lucky.
Um, I'm glad I ran into you.
We need to talk.
I just want to apologize about the way I've been acting lately.
I mean, that whole quiz thing.
- I was just - Incredibly rude? - Well - Way out of line? - I - Hogging the chicken wings.
Guilty.
The point is The J.
J.
Thing.
I just didn't know things would get so serious so fast.
Well, no offence, Amaar, but where did you think this was going? Well, nowhere, obviously.
I mean, you and I are just friends, right? I meant between me and J.
J.
Okay.
- Here's the thing.
Uh - Amaar, stop.
J.
J.
asked me to marry him.
He did? What did you say?