The Muppet Show (1976) s02e20 Episode Script
Petula Clark
Petula Clark! Twenty seconds to curtain, Miss Clark, Right, Scooter, I hate to complain, but there's a moose in my dressing room, Yeah, that's a mistake, - Well, I should hope so, You're supposed to get the buffalo, It's The Muppet Show, with our speciaI guest star, Miss Petula Clark! It's time to play the music It's time to light the light It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight It's time to put on makeup It's time to dress up right It's time to get things started Well, it's downhill from here, It's time to get things started On the most sensational, inspirational Celebrational, Muppetational This is what we call The Muppet Show! Thank you and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
Our speciaI guest tonight is one of the truly great internationaI singing stars, Miss Petula Clark, But first we What is this, a moose? I was supposed to be a buffalo, Just leave, OK? All right, I'll be backstage reading the "moose-paper", Would you get off that stage? Off, off, off! Here, Catch! Waste of time, Nothing will save this show, Well, it wasn't my fault, OK, nicely sung, guys, Badly sailed, but nicely sung, Haven't you men heard the old saying, "Women and captains first"? Yeah, OK, Let's see, Pet Clark is standing by, so Hiya, frog, - Yes, hello again, moose, Do you mind if I hang out backstage here awhile? Well, I've got every other kind of animaI, Why not a moose? You got true grit, frog, Yeah, By the way, what is your name? Mickey, - How about that? Mickey Moose, Mickey Moose! Will you get out of my backstage? Mickey Moose, Dumb name, OK, well, anyhow, now here she is, our very speciaI guest, Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Petula Clark, Hi, Petula, We're doing the samba, I'm trying to samba, Oh, boy, - Yeah, Well, that song brings back memories, What memories? I forgot, OK, Good going, guys, I didn't understand it, but I loved it, Hello, Kermit, - Hi, there, Pet, I hear you're not too happy tonight, - Where'd you get that idea? I gather you're not thrilled about the moose, Mickey, The moose? Oh, listen, that's silly, I'm not bothered by that at all, Really? - No, Oh, terrific, Hit it, guys, - M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-O Will you guys cut that out! I'd like to take you home to mother, Really, Harold? Yeah, maybe she could teach you how to dance, Oh, wow, I really like being in your arms, Yeah, me too, Why is your mother trying to keep us apart? I don't know, I'll ask her, Mother, why are you trying to keep us apart? I think my nose is too large, Oh, Phyllis, you're blowing it all out of proportion, I know that, Ladies and gentlemen, Switzerland has given us watches, chocolate and silliness, We take you now to the Alps for the latter, We're getting better, Yeah, it's beautifuI, You really can play that piano, Rowlf, What's your secret? - No secret, I just practice a lot, Well, so much for the "practice makes perfect" theory, And what is this doing in there? That's the piano tuna! It should be OK now, Hey, nice job, fish, I'll pay you tomorrow, I don't believe it, You pay a fish? Yeah, but not much, He works for scale, I think we'd better do our number, Rowlf, That Petula Clark sure can carry a tune, She's gotta do better than that tonight, She's gotta carry the whole show, Hi, Hello, yourself, Remember me? Mickey Moose? How can I forget? You don't have to get touchy about it, Excuse me, Perchance have you seen a Mickey Moose around? Who wants to know? Ronald, Ronald Duck, Ronald Duck and Mickey Moose? Would you guys get out of here? Come on, out! It's a far, far better moose and duck you find before you, And now, Veterinarian's HospitaI, The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
Hey, nurse, how's this next patient? Not groovy, Dr Bob, You better hurry, though, He's slipping fast, Maybe he's got slipping sickness, No, no, he must have something else, He better have, Money, for one thing, You mean, you won't operate till you're paid? Right, I don't make a cut till I take my cut, Dr Bob, the patient is sinking fast, He is sinking, I don't understand it, - Quick, Dr Bob, Quick what? - Quicksand, I don't understand that either, Hey, I can't see a thing down here, Hand me a hypodermic needle, - What for? Just a shot in the dark, Dr Bob! - Oh, no! Dr Bob? - Dr Bob! Dr Bob, are you all right? - Is he all right? Oh, Miss Piggy! Oh, wow, Oh, wow! What a downer, So, once again we come to the end of Veterinarian's HospitaI, Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr Bob say At least I won't have to declare this on my income tax, Why not? - I got paid under the table, I wish they had done that differently, How would you want them to do it? - Better, chocolate mousse, chocolate Yum, yum, yum! Chocolate Good, good chocolate, Now, the mousse, Moose, moose, Come here, the moose! And the chocolate on the moose, Wait a minute, wait a minute, You cannot Stop, Curtain, Cut! Hey, Petula? - Yes? Have you seen the set for your closing number? No Scooter, I haven't, What's it like? - Oh, it's sensationaI, Yeah, It's a fountain with reaI water! - Wow, And it's 1 5 feet high, And it's made of reaI glass, Glass? - Yeah, It's the prettiest thing Hey, would you get that moose out of here? Look out! CanceI the fountain, Miss Clark, there's been a little bit of trouble, Yes, I know, Well, look, it doesn't matter, We can do without the fountain, That lovely spray of flowers will be perfect, Well, about those flowers Yes? - The moose ate them, It doesn't matter, We don't need that fancy decor, It's the kind of song that will work anywhere, It'll be OK, It will, Really? - Yeah, OK, that's just about the end of the show, But before we go, let us have a warm thank you for our speciaI guest star, Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Petula Clark! Thank you! Thank you, Thank you, I had a fabulous time, Kermit, Oh, good, - I loved all the acts, I think the Muppets are fabulous and I'm crazy about the moose, Now, that's my kind of woman, OK, we'll see you next time on The Mickey The Muppet Show! All right, frog, we watched the show! Yeah, Unlock the doors,
Our speciaI guest tonight is one of the truly great internationaI singing stars, Miss Petula Clark, But first we What is this, a moose? I was supposed to be a buffalo, Just leave, OK? All right, I'll be backstage reading the "moose-paper", Would you get off that stage? Off, off, off! Here, Catch! Waste of time, Nothing will save this show, Well, it wasn't my fault, OK, nicely sung, guys, Badly sailed, but nicely sung, Haven't you men heard the old saying, "Women and captains first"? Yeah, OK, Let's see, Pet Clark is standing by, so Hiya, frog, - Yes, hello again, moose, Do you mind if I hang out backstage here awhile? Well, I've got every other kind of animaI, Why not a moose? You got true grit, frog, Yeah, By the way, what is your name? Mickey, - How about that? Mickey Moose, Mickey Moose! Will you get out of my backstage? Mickey Moose, Dumb name, OK, well, anyhow, now here she is, our very speciaI guest, Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Petula Clark, Hi, Petula, We're doing the samba, I'm trying to samba, Oh, boy, - Yeah, Well, that song brings back memories, What memories? I forgot, OK, Good going, guys, I didn't understand it, but I loved it, Hello, Kermit, - Hi, there, Pet, I hear you're not too happy tonight, - Where'd you get that idea? I gather you're not thrilled about the moose, Mickey, The moose? Oh, listen, that's silly, I'm not bothered by that at all, Really? - No, Oh, terrific, Hit it, guys, - M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-O Will you guys cut that out! I'd like to take you home to mother, Really, Harold? Yeah, maybe she could teach you how to dance, Oh, wow, I really like being in your arms, Yeah, me too, Why is your mother trying to keep us apart? I don't know, I'll ask her, Mother, why are you trying to keep us apart? I think my nose is too large, Oh, Phyllis, you're blowing it all out of proportion, I know that, Ladies and gentlemen, Switzerland has given us watches, chocolate and silliness, We take you now to the Alps for the latter, We're getting better, Yeah, it's beautifuI, You really can play that piano, Rowlf, What's your secret? - No secret, I just practice a lot, Well, so much for the "practice makes perfect" theory, And what is this doing in there? That's the piano tuna! It should be OK now, Hey, nice job, fish, I'll pay you tomorrow, I don't believe it, You pay a fish? Yeah, but not much, He works for scale, I think we'd better do our number, Rowlf, That Petula Clark sure can carry a tune, She's gotta do better than that tonight, She's gotta carry the whole show, Hi, Hello, yourself, Remember me? Mickey Moose? How can I forget? You don't have to get touchy about it, Excuse me, Perchance have you seen a Mickey Moose around? Who wants to know? Ronald, Ronald Duck, Ronald Duck and Mickey Moose? Would you guys get out of here? Come on, out! It's a far, far better moose and duck you find before you, And now, Veterinarian's HospitaI, The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
Hey, nurse, how's this next patient? Not groovy, Dr Bob, You better hurry, though, He's slipping fast, Maybe he's got slipping sickness, No, no, he must have something else, He better have, Money, for one thing, You mean, you won't operate till you're paid? Right, I don't make a cut till I take my cut, Dr Bob, the patient is sinking fast, He is sinking, I don't understand it, - Quick, Dr Bob, Quick what? - Quicksand, I don't understand that either, Hey, I can't see a thing down here, Hand me a hypodermic needle, - What for? Just a shot in the dark, Dr Bob! - Oh, no! Dr Bob? - Dr Bob! Dr Bob, are you all right? - Is he all right? Oh, Miss Piggy! Oh, wow, Oh, wow! What a downer, So, once again we come to the end of Veterinarian's HospitaI, Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr Bob say At least I won't have to declare this on my income tax, Why not? - I got paid under the table, I wish they had done that differently, How would you want them to do it? - Better, chocolate mousse, chocolate Yum, yum, yum! Chocolate Good, good chocolate, Now, the mousse, Moose, moose, Come here, the moose! And the chocolate on the moose, Wait a minute, wait a minute, You cannot Stop, Curtain, Cut! Hey, Petula? - Yes? Have you seen the set for your closing number? No Scooter, I haven't, What's it like? - Oh, it's sensationaI, Yeah, It's a fountain with reaI water! - Wow, And it's 1 5 feet high, And it's made of reaI glass, Glass? - Yeah, It's the prettiest thing Hey, would you get that moose out of here? Look out! CanceI the fountain, Miss Clark, there's been a little bit of trouble, Yes, I know, Well, look, it doesn't matter, We can do without the fountain, That lovely spray of flowers will be perfect, Well, about those flowers Yes? - The moose ate them, It doesn't matter, We don't need that fancy decor, It's the kind of song that will work anywhere, It'll be OK, It will, Really? - Yeah, OK, that's just about the end of the show, But before we go, let us have a warm thank you for our speciaI guest star, Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Petula Clark! Thank you! Thank you, Thank you, I had a fabulous time, Kermit, Oh, good, - I loved all the acts, I think the Muppets are fabulous and I'm crazy about the moose, Now, that's my kind of woman, OK, we'll see you next time on The Mickey The Muppet Show! All right, frog, we watched the show! Yeah, Unlock the doors,