Wizards of Waverly Place s02e20 Episode Script

Harper! I see you dressed for your history test on the women's suffrage movement.
- How'd it go? - Great.
Except I fell off my bustle during the essay part.
Everybody saw my pantaloons.
Oh, they're looking again.
Wait a minute.
There's an essay? I thought there was just multiple choice.
That's why I wrote down all my guesses on my arm.
I didn't write anything about an essay.
Yes, you did.
It says "essay" right there by your elbow.
No, that says "easy.
" I wrote that down as a motivator.
I need to switch brains with you.
Whoa! I don't want your brain in my body.
Would it sound better if I said I wanted to switch bodies? Well, you are wearing a cute outfit today.
And I get to wear .
.
that.
Oh, OK.
Alex, Harper.
Cambia corporum meum corpora sua nominavi.
- Oh! - Harper? Alex? Yes! [sighs.]
OK, Alex, I guess I'll take your test for you, but I'm not walking around with the answers on my arm.
Oh, fine, but if you run out of time at the end of the test, just answer all As.
You'll be right one fourth of the time which I think is passing.
I had fun with you at the art museum last night, Justin.
That was a great date.
What? A date? You and me? Like What? The only reason you and I were alone is because no one else in the group bothered to show up.
But I saw the way you were looking at me.
I was looking at you because you were standing in front of every painting I was looking at.
Oh, I was looking at you looking at the art, because that was my art.
And now my cell-phone wallpaper.
I've read tons of articles on dating and relationships, and last night was definitely a date.
Staying alone with someone because you don't wanna be rude and just bug out of there is not a date.
I do the all quizzes, too.
They all say I'd be a great girlfriend.
- Girlfriend? - Yes! I'll be your girlfriend.
- I'm so glad you asked.
- No! I don't think I did.
And by the way, I'm talking slowly right now, which means I don't understand what's happening.
I'll tell you what's happening.
Love.
And love is the most important thing.
Because in the future, when the aliens take over, it's the only thing we'll have left.
You know, you really didn't have to add the alien part 'cause I'm already really scared.
That's how you know it's real.
Hey, so what are you doing tonight? Because I think we should go on a second date.
Oh, you do? I can't, because I'm going to the Mets game.
Great! It's a date.
Our relationship is off to a great start.
Hey, I know it's taken me a long time to say this, - but I love you.
- Uhh! I'm in love! Way to go, Justin.
You're in a relationship.
I never thought it would happen.
What are you talking about? It happens all the time.
The werewolf, the centaur girl, the goth chick.
Why do people think I don't date? I don't remember 'em.
Anyway, it's awesome that you came to me with this problem.
I didn't come to you.
You came over here to me.
True, but you usually go to Alex with this type of stuff.
You're talking to me.
I'm taking it as a victory.
I am here for you, bro.
OK.
[sighs.]
So what should I do about Daphne thinking that we're dating when we're actually not dating? Hmm.
That is a tough one.
I am stumped.
* Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze * * That the end will no doubt justify the means * * You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease * * Yes, please * * But you might find out it'll go to your head * * When you write a report on a book you never read * * With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed * * That's what I said * * Everything is not what it seems * * You can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams * * You might run into trouble if you go to extremes * * Because everything is not what it seems * * Everything is not what it seems * * When you can have what you want by the simplest of means * * Be careful not to mess with the balance of things * OK, Alex, I really aced your history test for you.
I hope you made it believable that I took the test.
For the things you didn't know, did you draw a picture to distract them? I just don't feel right about cheating like this.
Cheaters never prosper.
Switch me back.
Switch me back! OK.
Alex, Harper.
Cambia corporum meum corpora sua nominavi.
What happened? Why am I still looking at me? And you spilled iced mocha on my dress.
Suffragettes did not drink iced mochas.
Cool it, weirdo.
It didn't work.
Let me try it again.
Alex, Harper.
Cambia corporum meum corpora sua nominavi.
I don't know what happened, but don't worry.
I'll just go into the lair and figure it out.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
Hi, Justin.
Cute shirt.
Thank you.
I actually What did you do to it? - Where? - Stop it, Alex.
- We're on a mission.
- Oh, Alex.
I need to ask you something.
I'm taking a girl to the baseball game.
What girl? Who are you taking? Daphne.
She thinks we're dating.
I need your sneaky advice of how to get out of it.
Dump her.
Just dump her.
Dump her hard.
Oh! You wanna get rid of her, you're gonna need a road flare, a barrel of maple syrup, and a mini trampoline.
We're not using the maple syrup for what you think.
We gotta go.
And what did I think we were using the maple syrup for? Like who Oh! I get it.
Hey.
Huh? Ooh! [chuckles.]
Look what I found when I was dropping some stuff off at the resale shop.
It's the Almost Charades board game.
Like we used to play on family game night.
Ooh! Honey, I got rid of that thing for a reason.
Family game night nearly destroyed this family.
Don't you remember? The fighting, the cheating, the crying when someone lost? [scoffs.]
But that's because the kids were young.
I think they're old enough to handle it now.
They weren't the ones who were crying.
Come on.
Let's play tonight.
Please.
Please.
Please, please, please.
All right, fine, we'll play.
But you know what? We're gonna play on the terrace.
- Fine.
- Why do we have to play there? Because that way we'll be out in front where all the neighbors can see.
We'll be shamed into behaving well.
And also, when stuff starts to fly, my ceiling won't get stained with guacamole.
Oh, good.
I thought that was something seeping down from Max's room.
That is totally coming from my room.
So, how was the date? What do you think? I think I thought of a way for you to break with her at the ball game.
Check it out.
After a batter strikes out, you look at her and you say, "Strike three! You're out!" "No, seriously, get outta here.
" I kissed her.
Oh.
You wanted her to break up with you.
No, I was leaning in to tell her we weren't in a relationship.
Then, of course, they put us up on the big screen.
The whole crowd kept chanting, "Kiss, kiss, kiss, you guys!" "Kiss, kiss!" And I choked under the pressure.
Well, lucky for you, I still know a way for you to get rid of her.
Look, Dad's forcing us to have family game night tonight.
You know us.
The cops'll be there an hour after we start.
And I'll invite Daphne to come.
She'll see how mean and hurtful and cheating us Russos can be, she'll bail and never wanna see me again.
That's a great idea.
I was thinking we could plant some of Mom's jewelry on her and get her arrested.
I gotta call Daphne right now.
This is a great idea.
I know.
Hey, You should've started coming to me for advice years ago, huh? I didn't come.
You were standing there when I walked in.
And you talked.
That's good enough for me.
So Justin told me all about his new girlfriend.
Yeah, he and I are tight now.
Close buds.
Tells me everything.
Really? Justin has a girlfriend? Mm-hm, yeah.
Her name's Daphne.
He also told me that he's bringing her home tonight.
Wow.
He must really like her if he's bringing her to meet us.
Does he know it's family game night? He knows.
Well, we'll just have to be on our best behavior, then.
Theresa, we will be friendly and cordial and polite.
Good sportsmanship is the order of the day.
Mm.
That is a great idea, too.
- There was another idea? - Justin had a great idea.
But this one's great too.
I say go with it.
Here's one that might work.
Hair brainium scheme changium.
That's not it.
Alex, why do I still have your body, except with my hair? Oh, it smells like a waterfall.
OK, what about this one? After all that's been said, we wanna switch back our heads.
- [Alex's voice.]
Oh, I did it.
- [Harper's voice.]
Not exactly, Alex.
I'd still like my body back.
You don't sound like yourself.
You sound like me.
OK.
Stop yelling.
Voices right noises.
[with Alex's voice.]
Testing, one, two, three.
Again, I'd like my body back, Alex.
I'm on it.
I'm on it.
We can do this, Harper.
This has all been a pain.
We wanna switch back our brains.
[as Alex.]
Wow! There's a lot of pressure in here.
Waterfall.
[hollow sound.]
Oh, my goodness.
Now you have no brain.
[as Harper.]
Actually, my brain's inside your head, Alex.
[as Alex.]
Ow! All these brains are pounding against my skull.
Oh, no wonder smart people are no fun.
- Pretty - No! OK, Harper.
Maybe I should just try another spell.
[as Harper.]
Let's see.
My brain is cramm inside your head, and I'm standing over there looking lost, like my dad when I talk about the Internet.
Sure, try another spell.
How could it get any worse? [as Alex.]
OK, Harper, I know we can do this if we just put our heads together.
Well, our heads can't get much more together and that doesn't seem to be helping.
OK, um Maybe we should just go to Justin.
Really? Because I suggested that five minutes ago before you did all this.
OK, OK.
But what do we do with that thing while we're gone? [clears throat.]
Um "That thing" is me.
How about we tuck me into bed so I'll go to sleep? Looks like someone's using their noggin.
- Nap time! - See? Lawn mower.
Oh, you don't know what this thing wants.
No! Aren't you getting dressed for your date? These are my good flip-flops.
They match the sweater.
OK.
Well, we're all very excited that Daphne's coming over for family game night.
We'll do anything to help this romance flourish.
Ooh, Theresa, why don't you make your deviled eggs? And put a dozen aside for me.
No, no.
You guys just be yourselves, OK? I want Daphne to get to know you guys for who you are.
This night should be like any other family game night.
Alex, you're just in time for family game night.
Sorry.
I don't play games.
Especially ones that end like crime-scene tape.
[as Harper.]
Oh, let's play, Alex.
I love games.
Harper, stop talking.
We gotta get Justin and get out of here.
I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
Every time you have a thought, it comes out your mouth.
You can be so bossy.
Oh, I didn't mean to say that.
Harper! Justin.
What are you doing? [whispers.]
I have two brains inside my head.
If you're trying to psyche me out, you have to do better than that.
No, no, no.
I'm serious.
I mixed up a bunch of spells and now I got Harper's brain inside my head.
I can prove it.
Just talk to Harper's brain.
OK, let me Let me see.
Hello, Harper's brain.
You're staring at me with those eyes.
I think I might faint.
Definitely Harper's brain all right.
How'd this happen? I did the body switching spell and I can't undo it.
Body switching? Don't you read the wizard memos? That spell's full of glitches.
- What's wrong with it? - I think you just found out.
[doorbell rings.]
Daphne's here.
You three should really get to know each other.
Stay put.
Fine.
If you're not gonna help me, I'm getting out of here.
I'm going downstairs to get cold cuts.
Come on in, Daphne.
Teen Girl magazine says, "Never meet the family empty-handed," so I brought cold cuts.
Terrific.
Now Alex doesn't have to go downstairs.
She can stay up here and mingle.
Really? My family owns a deli shop.
[as Harper.]
Alex, we have guests.
Be polite.
[grunts.]
Um, hi.
Welcome, Daphne.
So nice to meet you.
Welcome to our normal home.
I'm Justin's calm, level-headed dad.
Yeah, until the game starts.
Let's all go out onto the terrace in full view of the neighbors where everyone can see us.
Let's do it.
I love charades.
But my parents won't play.
They say their whole life is a charade.
Harper, we can't play charades with two brains.
My parents will know something's up.
Oh! You figured out how to move my feet.
Your brain has a short attention span.
It's easy to overpower.
No! I am not playing No! Now, remember, this is Almost Charades.
You can only write down books, movies or television shows.
Oh, it's so great to play a civilized game of charades with the family.
That's right.
We're out here playing charades.
In a friendly, family way.
[woman.]
Quiet down there, ya nut! All right, let's divide into teams.
Team one: Justin, me, and the lovely Daphne.
Team two: Jerry, Max, and Alex.
Yeah! Whatever you say, honey.
Dad, those teams aren't fair.
Aren't you gonna accuse Mom of stacking things in her favor then go off and pout like you usually do? Whatever your mom wants, I'm happy to comply.
I just want our guest, Daphne, to have a good time.
Oh! Justin, your parents make me feel like I'm already part of the family.
We're so compatible.
Alex, get out here! Wow, Harper, you're strong.
Daphne, you should really get to know Alex.
She's got a lot going on up here.
Hey, Harper.
Come on out.
Hello, Daphne.
If you don't stay away from Justin, I'm going to Eat more of this.
Mmmm.
Why, thank you.
Justin, your sister's so sweet and hungry.
You haven't really seen the real her.
OK, let the games begin.
Oh, this is a good one.
I'm ready.
Two words.
First word.
- One syllable.
- You got it! - Who wrote down "One syllable"? - I did.
You're supposed to write titles.
That is infuriating, isn't it, Dad? Doesn't it make you just wanna throw a table? I'm sure there's a book titled One Syllable out there somewhere.
Excellent guess, Daphne.
She's smart and beautiful, just like your mother.
Aw! This is the best family game night ever.
What a loving family.
I guess it's true, "The family that plays together" Yeah, yeah, yeah, "Stays together.
" Alex's turn! Oh, yay! Me, first.
Me, first.
Can I go first, pretty please? - Uh, OK.
- Uh, really? Harper, I hate charades.
Hate charades? That's like hating sunshine.
OK! Movie! [Max.]
Three words.
[Jerry.]
Foot.
- Sock.
- Foot.
Bunion foot! - Foot! - Foot! Foot! - I Ball of your foot.
- Ball of your foot.
[Max.]
Oh, um Foot.
Calluses.
Callus, ball, foot.
- That's three words.
- For the love! It's "football.
" A movie.
Football.
Friday Night Lights.
Yes! You got it.
Wait a minute.
You said, "Football.
" You talked.
You're disqualified.
She's disqualified.
- Good.
I'm out of here.
- Alex, you're not disqualified.
I got that fair and square.
Your mother is stacking the teams against us! That's what I'm talking about.
What?! What? You heard her.
She cheated.
And I'm livid! They should both be disqualified.
Out of here! Ho! This if totally bogus.
Dad's pouting 'cause he lost a fight again.
No! We are not fighting.
That's one thing we're not doing.
We're not fighting, so stop fighting! The neighbors can hear us! [woman.]
That's it! I'm calling the cops! - Karate Kid! - We are not fighting! We are trying to make a good impression! I think your family should keep it down.
Nah, they're good.
Da-ta! Oh, no! Lollipop.
Alex, what did you do to Harper? Uh, nothing.
See, this is why I should have tied you up.
That's a great idea.
Someone should have tied you up.
What's wrong with these people? Nothing.
This is just a typical family game night.
You call this normal? Yes.
You should get used to it, now that we're in this relationship.
Oh, no, no, no.
I am way over my head with this toxic family dynamic.
And next time you meet a girl, Justin, do not bring her home! Please, brain, leave, brain.
Oh, really? It's just that easy? And polite.
No wonder you couldn't figure out the spell.
Please, brain, leave, brain.
Oh, I'm back.
It feels good.
Yes.
Feels awesome having my skull back.
Every time I kept looking out my eyes, your brain kept leaning in going, "Let me see! Let me see!" Well, I didn't wanna look in your brain.
There's a lot of scary stuff in there.
Thank you.