American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e21 Episode Script

1
[Singing to radio]
ah-ha ha wikky-wikky
woo wah ♪
The girls da-doo
'cause I knew with you
I'd keep my
wo-wo-wo-man ♪
Uh, dad?
You can drop me off here.
Really. Here is fine.
A whole block
from your school? Ha!
Not in this downpour.
No son of mine
is going to end up
a wetty-netty.
[Radio playing]
I bid you adieu,
my little Jake-a-roo!
[Engine revs]
Wow, sounds like
the old dad-taxi
is in need
of a tune-up. Ha ha.
I'm your wikky-wikky
woo-hoo ♪
Whoa! Man ♪
Is that Jake's
dad?
That's embarrassing.
Na-ha not--not really
my dad.
My manservant,
Heinrich. Really.
Ah, yes. The old
parental drop-off.
As unpleasant as it is
unavoidable. Mm-hmm.
You know,
if I were old enough
to drive,
it wouldn't be
an issue.
And fight
magical creatures
on a daily basis.
I think I've earned it.
Two more years,
jakie.
It's not like
they hand out
driver's licenses
to just anybody--
Whoo-hoo!
[Splash]
Sorry about that,
doofuses.
Ha ha, I hate
to break it to you,
but you have to be 16
to drive.
I am. The bradster
was held back twice
in the third grade.
Now I'm 2 years
stronger, smarter,
and driving-er
than you losers.
Sorry you don't
have cars!
Being held back
rocks! Whoo-hoo!
[Engine starting]
Later, losers!
[Cell phone rings]
Kid, some creature's
going berserk
at the magical
flea market.
You better get
over there, pronto.
Oh! And it's raining
cats and dogs,
you may get
a little wet.
No kidding.
He's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast ♪
He's the chosen one ♪
People,
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
With his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth,
dragon tail ♪
Burnin' dragon fire ♪
Real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
Skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
well, what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
It's my destiny ♪
I'm the magical protector
of the N.Y.C. ♪
Ya heard!
American dragon ♪
yow!
Ok, I'm the protector
of the magical world,
but Brad's the one
with car privileges?
How messed up
is that?
Jake! Don't jab
the juniorosity.
Fo' sho'. Being 14
has got
its privileges, too.
Oh, yeah?
Nobody under 17
sees carnival of carnage 3
unless accompanied
by a legal guardian.
You know the rules,
little mister.
No scampering off
to hippy-hop
house parties
on a school night.
[Sirens and bells]
Huh?!
Congratulations!
As our one millionth
customer,
on an all-expense
paid trip to Hawaii!
You are over 18,
right?
Right?
I'm telling you guys,
14 is routine.
Older is golder.
Brace yourself.
This is our stop.
All: Aaahhh!
Gotta say,
not really lovin'
the magical subway stop.
[Pants ripping]
Aahh!
I'm not seeing much
in the way of berserking
creatures.
Are you sure that--
Nobody loot anything
while we're gone.
[Crash]
Kid, talk to me.
What's this thing look like?
Something like this.
[Click]
An avimetris?
Yuh-oh.
Yuh-oh?
Don't say yuh-oh!
I hate it when you say
yuh-oh.
Whatever you do,
make sure you stay away
from the tent---
Ok. Why is fu
concerned about
tents,
when there are
tentacles after
us?
Yo, avi.
I think it's about time
someone taught you
some phone manners.
Dragon up!
[Roaring]
That's it, jakie.
Hit it with yo' best--
Both: Aaahhh!
I know you did not
just get your squid slime
all over my jazzy
new top.
That's it.
It's time for some
deep-fried calamari.
[Roar]
Mmf! Mmm!
I think he said
"mmf! Mmm!"
Guys, I got an idea!
Grab onto each other!
[Roaring]
Aaahh!
Uuhhh--unh!
You know what goes
with seafood?
Pretzels.
[Roaring]
Whoa!
Whoa!
[Roaring]
And don't come back!
Those are some seriously
messed-up tentacles.
Now we know
what fu was referring to
when he warned us
about the tents.
Evil campers.
What? You have
a better theory?
[Yawning]
Jake, your grandfather's
been calling for you.
Uhh. Long day.
Talk to him tomorrow.
Must shower.
Oof!
Occupied.
Haley, come on.
I stink like
dragon sweat.
I'm sorry, Jake.
But we had a very festive
tea party today,
and all of my dolls
have to go.
Especially Princess fairhair.
[Giggles]
Great. Only 4 more
years before I can
move out
and not have
to share a bathroom
with my annoying
little sister.
And her dolls!
[Sighs]
[Alarm buzzes]
[Yawn]
Man, how long
till Christmas?
'Cause these pjs
are getting
a little tight.
[Gasp]
Who are you,
and what have you done
with my brother?
Haley, what's
your deal?
Jake?
Haley?
Haley! Ok
I don't want you
to freak,
uh, you might want
to take a look
at yourself.
Aah!
You've got to get
to grandpa's!
I've got to
get to grandpa's!
Wait! The alarm's on.
I'm pouring milk
on your cereal.
Countdown to soggy city
starts now!
Dad! He can't see me
like this.
I'll distract him
while you sneak out.
Hop-to, Haley-hoo.
Um, dad?
I need to talk to you.
Oh, what about,
punkin?
Um lady things.
I--you know, I--ha ha.
I don't--i--uh,
whoa!
Ee! Ow!
Morning, all!
Why don't you two
have a seat on the couch,
where, uh, you can--
[Sputters]
Sip cocoa and talk
about your lady things.
Lady things?
What lady things?
You know what?
I'll even light
a nice, crackling fire
so you can talk
in front of it
like they do
in those commercials.
"Oh, Jean-Pierre."
You know, that one.
No fire. No fire!
Whoa! Ow!
Whoa!
Ahh!
Oh, man!
Who are you calling
an old man?
Spud? Trixie?
You guys got old, too?
Way old. How old?
Where's your home
training, boy?
You ain't ever supposed
to ask a woman her age.
Oh, no. I'm even acting
like an old lady.
And Where'd I get
this purse from?
Together: We've got to get
to grandpa's!
Grandpa: Yup. This would
be why I told you
to stay clear
of the avimetris'
tentacles.
Tentacles?
You said "tent".
I heard "tent".
Did he not say
"tent"?
Ok, I don't know
don't worry.
Hearing is the first to go.
I said
[Yelling] Ah, yes!
This would be why
I heard what you said.
But you gonna have
to give me
a little more
sheesh. You sure turned
into a crabby old lady.
Uh, yeah. You try
wakin' up in the A.M.
With your Booty
6 inches lower than
it was in the P.M.,
and see what kinda mood
you in.
Uh hm. All right.
Here's the deal.
The avimetris
has got the ability
to live forever
see, when the three of you
were in the avimetris'
tentacles,
it must've just, you know--
All: [Gasp]
Suctioned the youth
right out of you.
Ah. My skin's
all loose.
Hey, maybe I can
use these wrinkles
for body pockets.
Yo, wait--wait,
wait a minute.
Nuh-uh-uh, uh-uh!
You! No snack mix
in your old man folds.
You'll get ants.
And that's just nasty.
And you!
How come you
a strapping
21-year-old,
and me and spud
probably 'cause it didn't
hang on to me
as long as you guys.
[Door opens]
Oh, sorry I'm late.
The line at ling-Cho's
grocer was--aiiee-yah!
Didn't fu warn you
to stay away
from the tentacles?
He said "tent".
Spud, get over it.
Fu, how do we change
back?
"In order for the age
of its victims
to be restored,"
"the avimetris
must be vanquished."
That thing attacked
last night.
Where are we gonna
stay until you
find it?
And don't say here,
because this place
smells like
old people.
[Sniffs]
Oh, wait. That's me.
And I think I know
just the place
you can go.
Leroy? Leroy, is that you?
I thought I lost you
in the trenches
during the gnome-ogre war
of '52.
Um, sure. Why not?
Aww. He seems like
a friendly old guy.
I'll play you
for your hearing aid batteries.
Um, dude. Those
are my eardrums.
But ok.
Gramps put us
in a magical
old folks home.
I don't suppose
any of y'all play
"shake your Booty
revolution"?
Is that like
canasta?
'Cause I play
a mean cana--
[Snores]
[Snore]
Let her drool.
Her tail needs
the moisture.
How 'bout you
don't tell me
how to run this place,
and I don't hock one
in your friend's
fruit cups tonight.
Trixie Carter
and Arthur spudinsky?
Lao chi called ahead.
Your rooms are ready.
Lights out is at 6:45 P.M.
Dinner is at 4:30.
And visiting hours
ended 5 minutes ago.
Oh. Yeah, um
You just hurry
and find that monster.
Ok, jakie?
I'm over here.
And don't worry.
I'm 21 years old now,
remember?
I can totally
handle things.
And next time
you visit your friends,
don't park in the fire Lane.
Tcch! That's not my car.
I mean, do I look
old enough to drive?
I'm old enough to drive!
Mmwah! Yeah!
Read 'em and weep.
Full house.
Now hand over
those hearing aids.
But I'm not wearing
any.
Double or nothing.
Aah, double or nothing!
Don't worry, gramps.
I'm hot on the trail
of the avimetris.
Uh, you weren't
planning on using
your Van today,
right?
No reason.
Ha. Grandpas. Always
worrying,
so, what say we get
back to the old
driving test?
Uh--uh, the curb!
Mailbox!
[Brakes squealing]
Sorry! Still learning!
Red light!
[Brakes squealing]
[Crash]
I'll just go this way.
One way street!
One way street!
Well, not anymore.
[Honking]
Tell my wife I love her.
[Honking]
Perfect fit!
So. How'd I do?
Young man, that was
the most irresponsible,
pathetic show of driving
I have ever witnessed!
You would have done better
blindfolded,
steering with your feet!
Ok. I'll try that
when I take the test
with you again tomorrow.
And the day after that,
and the day after
that
Here's your license, kid.
Now remember our deal.
Stay out of my neighborhood.
Ha!
[Speaking in rhythm]
Double Dutch,
Dutch is double.
If you trip
then you're in trouble.
Ha ha! Beat you
again, Leroy!
At your own game,
no less.
Man, how can legs
so stubby
be so limber?
Yeah, yeah.
Hand over your
hearing aids
and your dentures.
Come on, give it!
But these
are my real teeth,
I swear! Aagh!
Take your hands
out of my mouth,
old man!
Help!
[Door opens]
What's up, party seniors?
Did you find
the avimetris, baby?
Um, not yet.
But, I brought you
some presents
to help you
pass the time.
Ha! Check it.
Prune juice, denture cream,
whoopsy-Daisy
overnight briefs.
Uh no more.
Oh, no more.
Hey, I know what'll
cheer you up.
My sweet new ride.
You get little plastic
friends called credit cards.
This baby only took 4.
Want to go for a spin?
Uh, you do know credit cards
is just loans, right?
You got to pay
them people back.
Ha. I'd better get
more credit cards.
Jake! Are you even hunting
for that avimetris?
'Cause I ain't getting
no younger.
And spud, well
Aaahhh! Get him--
I want those teeth!
Hey. It's older,
more mature Jake
you're talking to.
I'm on this thing 24/7.
One for
carnival of carnage 3.
That's right. Just one.
No sister, no parents.
No rules.
'Cause this eagle
is legal.
Welcome to your suite, sir.
As requested,
a 6 foot trampoline,
2 shake your Booty
party machines,
and enough pudding
to fill the bathtub.
Actually, you can
cancel the trampoline.
These sofas got bounce!
But if I can't
hop the curb,
how am I supposed
to get this baby
up on 2 wheels?
And you can even
pay traffic tickets
with a credit card.
There's nothing bad
about being 21.
I missed 21
and skipped straight to 81!
Look, gramps and fu
are close
to finding this thing.
This has been a dream
come true for me.
It's like
everything I've ever
wanted to do, I'm doin'.
Exactly.
Everything
you want to do.
Where is
the love for us?
Hey, I got an idea.
Before we all
turn back to normal,
let's throw
the biggest party, ever!
Tonight.
At my new pad.
Well, I guess
a party sounds good.
I love soda,
I love pizza,
love shakin', shakin'
what the good lord make it.
Spud, oh, I
think I'm stuck.
Spud!
Stay back.
I beat you
at shuffleboard.
Now hand over
your toupee!
I told you.
This is my real hair.
My real hair!
Aah!
Yaah!
Ow! Yah!
And if you
strike me down,
I only
become stronger.
Weeya!
Ok. You guys
work out your issues
and I'll see ya tonight.
Remember, keep
the sodas flowing,
and nobody's
sundaes are allowed
to be half empty.
Ah, nothing that can't wait
till tomorrow. Right?
[Roaring]
[Telephone rings]
Why isn't he answering?
Sorry you can't reach me
but please
don't breach me.
Be brief
after the beep.
[Beep]
He must be
screenin' his calls.
What, he turns 21
and suddenly
he's too good to
answer his--aah!
Whoa!
I cannot fight
this thing alone!
Aah! Yaa!
[Dance music playing]
You guys made it.
Awesome!
Snack mix?
[Retches]
[Knock on door]
Yo, welcome
to my totally fun
draiser for
the policeman's ball.
The neighbors are
complaining about the noise.
You don't clear everybody
out of here immediately
I'm citing you
for disorderly conduct.
Disorderly
what, now?
Yo, I'm just a kid.
Eh he he. Nice try.
Or I'm taking you
down to the station.
What?! [Music stops]
What the--
You can't
escape me, Leroy!
Yaah!
Aah! All right.
That is it.
You're comin'
with me!
No, wait. I--
Aah!
Uhh. [Exhales]
Trixie tried
to shaky, shaky.
But I think she
breaky, breaky.
Aah!
You can't hide Leroy from me!
Uh, Jake!
Save me?
Jakey,
turn me back, boy.
I can't feel my anything!
You have the right
to remain silent
ok. Everybody, chill.
I'll fix things.
I'll just--i, uh,
[groans]
Man, I'm startin' to think
this growin' up stuff
ain't all
it's cracked up to be.
You know, I wanted
to be a sitcom actor,
I'm stuck as a stinkin'
messenger fairy!
Oh, yeah.
You have a message.
Fu dog says
Kid, get to
grandpa's shop, pronto.
A-gu gu-gu. Gu. Gu.
Kid,
it's terrible.
I was hit
by the avimetris
over in
the warehouse district.
You were?
All the extra wrinkles
with the thing?
Ahh, that's not
the worst of it.
Come here.
Gramps!
Jake, I don't think he
had much use left to spare.
Gramps, I'm so sorry.
This is all my fault.
Do not burden yourself
with blame, young one.
The hands of fate
often--
Oh, what am I saying?
Yes, it's your fault.
Jake, you must find and
defeat the avimetris.
The old man's
on a bullet train
to bye-bye ville.
Another scone for you,
Princess faria?
Psst.
Haley, I need your help!
I am not flossing
your back scales, again.
Wait. Why are you still big?
Listen, I need you to
help me catch something.
I need your youth.
I'm so young
and so defenseless.
I wonder what's around
this dark corner.
Jake, if the avimetris
were anywhere around here,
it would have come after
my bright-eyed, fresh faced,
kewpie doll cuteness hours ago.
'Cause gramps
is running out of time.
And unless we
destroy the avimetris,
we're--
[growling]
[Growls]
Backin' up.
Well, look who slithered in.
You took something
from the people I care about.
And guess what?
I'm takin' it back.
[Groaning]
Aah! [Groans]
[Growls]
Aah!
Whoa!
Haley!
[Gasps]
Uhh!
[Avimetris squishing]
Now, I'm mad, you big squidiot.
How would you like it
if someone suctioned
the youth out of you?
Suction the youth
out of you.
That's it!
Haley, follow my lead.
Ready to play?
Jake: Let's see
how he likes
sucking some
of his own youth.
Ah, check it!
He can't handle it.
Wow, that was actually
kind of fun!
Except for the guts part.
It's never felt
so good to be a kid.
Now, before I relieve you of
your teeth, your hearing,
and your hair--
Any last words?
Yeah.
Hope you're thirsty.
Ha ha ha ha.
Yeah, baby! We are back.
Fu dog!
There's
a vicious creature
on the loose
and you're here
playing nurse maid?
Good job, kid. Good job.
Hey, guys! Wait up!
Jake, dude.
You look worse
than we did
when we were 80.
I took a night job
stocking shelves
to pay off my credit cards.
Look who's finally
sounding like an adult.
Yeah. The whole looking 21
thing came easy.
But the being mature enough
to handle it part?
Not so much.
Sorry for being
such a jerk.
It's all good.
Uh, no worries.
Coming through!
But speaking
of jerks
And immaturity!
Whoo-hoo!
Check me out!
Being old rocks!
Rocks! Whoo-hoo!
[Crash]
Brad: Oh, man
Know what, guys?
Being 14 rocks just fine.
[Brad groans]
Jake: Cool.
Let's check out Brad.
Ha! Ha ha!
Well, except for
the nasty hair
growing out of his ears.
You shouldn't taunt
the holograms.
He should at least
braid it or something.
I'm telling ya,
Jake, don't--
Fu, hand me the phone
so I can call
the ugly police
on his sorry--
Uhh!