Bizaardvark (2016) s02e21 Episode Script

1 - Hey, guys! I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.
BOTH: And we're Bizaardvark.
Today, we have a special treat for you.
Since it's Spring Break, instead of just posting one new video, we had time to make lots of videos, in what we're calling (BOTH SPEAKING) - Wow, that's a mouthful.
- Whew! Uh, should we come up with something shorter? Uh, I was thinking longer.
We've got sketches and music videos, and surprise guest stars! - Like Annie LeBlanc! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FRANKIE: Jordyn Jones! PAIGE: And Johnny and Lauren Orlando! It's Spring Break! - Yeah! - Woo! - Yes! - Yes! - Spring Break! - Spring Break! MALE VOICE: Bizaardvark! Do you keep seeing pictures of yourself pop up in your social media feed where you're not tagged? Here at the law offices of DeVeene and DeVine DeVine and DeVeene Your untagged days are over! We were all there, hanging out in the lounge, me, Amelia, Horse Face Guy, Viking Guy.
But when Amelia posted the photo online everyone was tagged.
Except me.
Even the couch was tagged.
Was I even there? Of course you were! And here at the law offices - of DeVeene and DeVine, - DeVine and DeVeene We'll work tirelessly to BOTH: Get you tagged! (TAPPING ON PHONE) Done! (BEEP) I was there! Thank you, DeVeene and DeVine! DeVine and DeVeene.
No! Thank you, actual client! It's what we do! We get you BOTH: Tagged! FRANKIE: Not all tagging requests are approved.
We are not actual lawyers.
BOTH: You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
MALE ANNOUNCER: It's time for everyone's favorite and most specific game show And now, she has nine bare knuckle boxing championships and even more ex-husbands give it up for your host, Bernie's Grandma! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - That's enough! - (MUSIC AND APPLAUSE STOP) Welcome to Is Bernie Allowed to Do It?! My grandson has rules he has to follow to live in my house.
So we got three of his friends, and they're gonna guess whether Bernie is or is not allowed to do various things.
Now let's say hello to Bernie! (YELLING): Bernard! (QUIET APPLAUSE) Yeah! Enough chit-chat.
Let's start this stupid game.
Today's topics are and Amelia? You pick first.
I'll go with "Theme Park Rides" for 300! The activity is (BELL DINGS) "Going on the horsey carousel.
" Is Bernie allowed to do it? Uh, i is it day or nighttime? Day, duh.
If it was night, he wouldn't be allowed in the park at all.
(GONG SOUNDS) Pens down! Let's see your answers.
Okay.
I I went "yes.
" Bernie's a big boy now, he can handle it.
I also said "yes.
" I've literally seen babies on those rides.
Uh, I'm a hard "no.
" It goes up, and down.
Bernie, what's the answer? Yes! - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - (BELL DINGS) The last time I went on one of those, I ate a giant hot dog right before.
Let's just say it got real messy.
Because of my throw up.
Frankie, pick a category.
Let's do "Breakfast Foods" for 100.
The activity is (BELL DINGS) "Ordering pancakes with fruit in them.
" Is Bernie allowed to do it? (GONG SOUNDS) Let's see your answers.
Uh, I went with "yes" here.
Uh, pancakes are questionable because they're big and a potential choking hazard.
But fruits are good for him.
Uh, I went with "no.
" Pancakes are the gateway to French toast, and I know Bernie's not allowed to have foods with corners.
I said "no" if there's syrup, "yes" if there's not.
Amelia, you know me too well! - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - (BELL DINGING) (SIREN GOES OFF) Uh-oh, that siren tells us it's almost 6 PM.
Which is Bernie's bedtime.
So let's just go to the speed round.
Go to water parks.
Is Bernie allowed to do it? Uh n no, because of some kind of pee incident.
- (BELL DINGS) - Correct! And not just pee! Watch a nature documentary about giraffes.
Oh, no way, nightmares.
- (BELL DINGS) - Correct! Order sizzling fajitas in a restaurant.
I don't even think Bernie's allowed in a restaurant.
- (BELL DINGS) - Correct! Ooh! Appear on this game show.
Uh I mean he's sitting right there, so - yes? - (BUZZER) - (AUDIENCE GROANS) - Sorry, Paige.
That was a tricky one.
Bernard, your punishment for being here is you're grounded for a month.
I'll take it! See you all next time on ALL: Is Bernie Allowed to Do it?! - FRANKIE AND AMELIA: Woo! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - I said that's enough! - (MUSIC STOPS) Hey, guys! Bizaardvark here with our friend, Annie LeBlanc! Hey, guys! Hey, everyone! So it's time for a Spring Break snack break.
Today, we're gonna be playing a game called, (FRANKIE SPEAKING) We're gonna try to make ice cream sandwiches using these random foods as the cookies.
We're gonna taste each one and decide if they're a - or a - (BUZZER) - (CRICKETS CHIRPING) - Hey, they can't all be winners.
(ALL SHOUTING) Can it be an ice cream sandwich? I don't know.
Let's see.
How much are we gonna put on? I put on two scoops.
(CRUNCHING SOUNDS) Oh, it's so good! ALL: Ice Cream sandwich! (ALL SHOUTING) - I don't think it's gonna be - I think it's gonna be awful.
It's gonna be horrible.
(CRUNCHING SOUNDS) - Mm-oh.
- Uh-oh.
(LAUGHS) I don't like that one.
- (BUZZER) - ALL: Not an ice cream sandwich.
(ALL SHOUTING) - I think we should use the sherbet.
- Okay.
- What do you think? - I think I think we should.
Hey, Annie, while we're doing this, tell me about your dream Spring Break.
I would wanna go somewhere, like not just stay at home.
- Like Hawaii or something.
- Ooh! - Ooh, that would be really cool.
- Like traveling, yeah.
Yes.
It's so good! It's not that bad! I love it.
ALL: Ice cream sandwich! (ALL SHOUTING) - It looks so gross.
- All right.
All right.
(CRUNCHING SOUNDS) Oh, I don't like that.
ALL: Not an ice cream sandwich.
(ALL SHOUTING) (CASH REGISTER SOUND) - Really good.
(LAUGHS) - Mm-hm.
ALL: Even better than an ice cream sandwich.
So we still have a lot more cookie ingredients, - but our stomachs hurt, guys.
- FRANKIE AND ANNIE: I'm so full.
- Big thanks to Annie LeBlanc - Yeah! for taking time out of her Spring Break to come and hang with us.
- Thanks for coming! - Thank you, guys! - We hope your taste buds recover.
- I know.
- I hope.
- (PAIGE AND FRANKIE LAUGH) That was so much fun.
I love Spring Break! Me, too.
But we don't wanna leave out anyone who misses school stuff.
So here's a video about field trips.
It's called (SHOUTING) Yeah, probably could've worked on the title a little bit more.
Too late.
Roll it! Field trip, field trip Goin' on a field trip Field trip, field trip Na, na, na, na, na On the bus, outta class, ready for adventure Where you think we're goin'? BOTH: Maybe the Science Center Coach C.
says "Buckle up - I know you gonna love this - (MOUTHING) - Suddenly we're here - Yeah At the post office? Uh, I guess it's better than being in class Waitin' in the line to buy stamps from a teller - Stamps - Checkin' out the slot Where Coach C.
drops his letters - Letters - Weighin' all his boxes My back is kinda hurting Writing out addresses What exactly are we learning? - Field trip, field trip - Is this part of the field trip? Field trip, field trip Na, na, na, na, na Next door, grocery store Guess we're gonna go in Extra credit to whoever finds the ripest orange Startin' to wish we could do something educational 'Stead of fillin' up the cart with Coach's favorite vegetables Ugh, Brussels sprouts? Next stop, oh snap It's the Aquarium entrance Oh, wait, never mind, it's just Coach C's dentist? Crowdin' round the dental chair while he gets a root canal Hey, Coach, don't they have weekend appointments? Ahh! Field trip, field trip, you call this a field trip? Field trip, field trip Na, na, na, na, na Finally Coach Carlson says we're at our last stop Wait, are we at his house? Field trip, field trip How is that a field trip? Hey, Coach, uh, sh should we just wait here, or? PAIGE: Are you coming back? COACH: Bye! What just happened? And And And how do we get home? Na, na, na, na, na Do you ever find yourself tagged in a photo - but don't wanna be? - Well, here at the law offices - of DeVeene and DeVine - DeVine and DeVeene Seriously, we're still doing that? We'll stop at nothing to get you BOTH: Untagged! Oh, no! For unexpected reasons that have nothing to do with Bernie Schotz, I no longer want to be tagged in this photo with Bernie Schotz.
Whatever shall I do? We're on it! (BEEP) It's like I was never even there! - Tagging? - Untagging? - Corporate fraud? - BOTH: We do it all! PAIGE'S VOICE: Except corporate fraud.
We don't know what that is.
DeVeene and DeVine are not real lawyers.
FRANKIE'S VOICE: Devine and DeVeene.
All right, class, uh, if you wanna learn more about this, look it up at home, 'cause Mama's got a plane ticket to Hawaii.
That's right.
Teachers can do Spring Break, too! Ugh! I wish the clock would just hit three already, so we could be on Spring Break.
I know! It's like it's goin' super slow on purpose.
Just to be a jerk! That's nuts.
It's not like the clock is out to get us.
Ah-ha-ha! Yes, I'm not out to get you.
In fact, I'm going to move my hand to three right Oh, no! It's even earlier! (STUDENTS GROANING) Come on, clock! I have a ton of pool parties I have to go to! You want to go to a party, do you? Where they dance? Like this? (RHYTHMICALLY) Ha cha! Look at my hand! It's moving backwards.
I hate all your guts! Come on, clock! My flight to Maui leaves in an hour! Yes.
A vacation could be cool.
But not as cool as this! Ah-ha-ha! I could do this all day! In fact, I have all the time in the world! Ha! Good one, Evil Clock! Guys! We don't have to take this abuse, we can just unplug the clock and go on Spring Break.
Can just unplug the clock and go on What happened? You fools.
You can't control me, for I control time! Why, clock? Why are you doing this to us? Perhaps it's because no matter how hard I try to keep you here, you always leave at the end of the day.
And I'm left here in the dark.
Alone.
(CRYING) (BELL RINGING) Whoo! Spring Break! I hate you, clock! (CLOCK CRYING) Wow, Clock.
That was a lot of emotions back there.
You know, I think I might have an idea on how to cheer you up.
Oh, hey, do you wanna split an order of hula nachos? Ooh, those sound great.
Oh, uh, but the kitchen doesn't open until five.
I can take care of that.
(BOING) (CRUNCHING) Hey, guys! Bizaardvark here with our friend, Jordyn Jones! - Say hi! - Hey, guys! So what do you normally do over Spring Break? Either just swimming or chillin', watching movies, hang with friends.
So, I hear you dance.
- Yes.
I do.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- A great dancer.
- What's your favorite style of dance? I'd say hip-hop.
- Hip-hop? - Ooh.
Speaking of dancing, we have a super, super, super fun challenge that we're gonna show you right now.
So, we are each gonna pick a little slip of paper from this hat, and then we're gonna make a dance that combines all of them, I'm so excited.
- Are you guys ready? - All right.
Yes! Yeah.
Surfing! PAIGE AND FRANKIE: Surfing! Volleyball! - Whoo! - Mine is taking pictures.
- We can do that.
- Oh! Okay! We can just, like, each stand and make a line, - Okay.
- and then, like, fake surf, like, whoo! - Roll, roll - Oh my gosh! - Roll, roll - Oh, wow! We're really rollin', okay! (LAUGHS) - Rollin'? - Now that we're done with the surfing - Okay.
- part right here, we're gonna move on to the - PAIGE AND JORDYN: Volleyball.
- Yeah.
Do you wanna do, like a high-five? Like, we're, like, setting it, and then we, like Okay.
Okay.
High-five! Okay! Then you guys do, uh, four poses.
We'll pose.
Okay.
- One, two, three, four.
- Pose.
Pose.
Pose.
Pose.
We should, like, end it in a selfie.
- Yay! We did it! - Ha-ha! Woo-hoo! - I'm proud of you both! - Yes, woo! Introducing our (ALL SHOUTING) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) That was so much fun, we had a blast! - Thank you! - Thank you so much for coming, Jordan.
- It was so much fun.
- ALL: Whoa! Woo! MALE ANNOUNCER: Next week, on Find out if Bernie is allowed to Plug in his own nightlight? - (BELL DINGS) - Correct! - Use blue toothpaste? - I'd like to buy a vowel.
- (BUZZER) - What is, "I'd like to buy a vowel"? - (BUZZER) - No vowels! Enjoy life? Yeah.
That's a hard "no.
" (BELL DINGS) Do you ever find yourself (BERNIE'S VOICE): In need of a handsome agent? - Well, here at - Bernie Schotz Entertainment.
Bernie Schotz Entertainment.
we'll stop at nothing to get you (BERNIE'S VOICE): Bernie Schotz! Oh, no! For unexpected reasons that have nothin' to do with Bernie Schotz, I (BERNIE'S VOICE): Want my new agent to be AMELIA: Bernie Schotz! Whatever shall I do? (BERNIE'S VOICE): Call Bernie Schotz right now! We're on it! Yeah! Hey, guys! Bizaardvark here with our friends, Bernie and Amelia, and our special friends, - Johnny and Lauren Orlando! - BOTH: Hey! Wait! We're not your special friends? - Hey, you're special to us.
- Thanks, man! Today, we're gonna play snorkel telephone.
It's like regular telephone, but with snorkels.
I'm gonna say a sentence to the person next to me, and they're gonna repeat it down the line until the last person - says it out loud.
- Let's do this! - (WHOOPING) - Yeah! All right? Here I go okay, ready? (PAIGE SPEAKING) I don't know.
(LAUREN SPEAKING) - (BELL DINGS) - (BERNIE SPEAKING) - (BUZZER) - Okay? (JOHNNY SPEAKING) - (BUZZER) - (AMELIA SPEAKING) (BUZZER) I accidentally ate a freight train? - (LAUGHTER) - What? No! It was "I accidentally ate my sunscreen.
" - That's what I heard! - OTHERS: Ohh! That was so much fun.
We learned that Bernie is an awful listener.
- Yes.
- No, no, whatever.
Thank you so much to Johnny and Lauren Orlando for coming! Thank you for having us.
Happy Spring Break, everybody! (ALL WHOOPING) MALE ANNOUNCER: You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Amelia Duckworth.
The people are real.
The cases are ridiculous.
The rulings are not legally binding in any way.
This is Judge-Y Amelia.
Order in the court, y'all! Today's plaintiff is Scott "Viking Guy" Thompson.
An adult man who thinks he's a Viking, despite growing up in the suburbs and being born in 1980.
The defendant is Bernard Miriam Schotz.
(LAUGHS) Wait.
His middle name is Miriam? Seriously? (CLEARS THROAT) The plaintiff, Viking Guy, claims Bernie took his helmet and won't give it back.
Okay, let's get this over with.
Bailiff, can you swear the parties in? (CLEARS THROAT) Do you swear to tell the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? - Yes? - Is that a breakfast menu? Okay, what's this nonsense about? - Well, your honor, it all started - Hang on! Robe change! A sequined robe? I'll allow it.
(SIGH) Is this court stuff almost over? I haven't even presented my case yet.
Uh-uh! Bailiff, did did you order the lip? Because I didn't order any lip! You're on thin ice, pal! What's your case? Yesterday, I put my Viking helmet on the table and went to the bathroom, and when I returned, this man was wearing it! Let the record show he called me a man.
- (TYPING) - Ohh, I'm so bored! Robe change! I know, I'm in contempt of cute! Objection! Overruled! What What is happening? Ugh you're still here? Did this case get even slightly interestin' while I was gone? Fine.
You're both guilty! I sentence you both to get outta my face! I found all that very confusing! If this were Viking court, we'd simply tie Bernie up with a rope and throw him off the ship.
If he survived, innocent, if not, guilty.
It's a very fair system.
It was pretty obvious the judge was into me.
Yeah.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah.
Hey, guys, if you're like us, you do stuff.
And when you're done with said stuff, you feel you deserve praise and recognition for having done that stuff.
So keep that in mind when you watch our latest music video.
Watch out, everybody! 'Cause two talented individuals just entered the building! Dat's right! Paige and Frankie are winning awards - for everything! - And we don't mean to brag, but, uh, look what we got! BOTH: Participation award, participation award Everything we do, participation award I signed up for debate to argue for my side I just opened up my mouth and then I mostly cried Participation award, participation award I had a science project due about the speed of light But I don't know what that is, so instead I drew a kite Participation award, participation award - I barely even try - Participation award No one can stop us, of that there is no doubt We must be really gifted 'cause they don't just hand these out I joined the running team and waited for the whistle - Then I ran the other way - Participation award I tried to cook a chicken but I didn't have a chicken - Participation award - I hula hooped for two seconds - Participation award - Oops, I dropped my ice cream.
- Participation award - I actually didn't participate.
Participation award, participation award Everything we do, participation award No one can stop us (MUSIC GETS SOFTER) Frankie, do you think we're getting these awards - for nothing? - Yeah, maybe.
I I woke up this morning, and that hand with the trophy was already there.
It's almost like everything we do participation award.
Well, that could really mess us up in the future because we'll become sad when we realize we aren't as talented as these awards led us to believe.
(HEAVENLY CHOIR NOTE) I mean we shouldn't.
Participation award, participation award It still feels good to win Participation award (TROPHIES HITTING FLOOR) Hey, guys, thank you so much for watching our Spring Break Video Spectacular! We hope you had a great time, and thanks to all you guys for helping us make it.
- (WHINNYING) - Of course.
Wait! It's over? What about my Spring Rake sketch? Oh.
Uh, well, there's a little time left, - go ahead.
- (BANJO MUSIC PLAYING) - Howdy there, partner! - They said the show's over! - Happy Spring Break, everybody! - (CONFETTI CANNON GOES OFF) - Woo-hoo! - (LAUGHING)