Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s02e21 Episode Script
The Doctor, the Wife, Her Son and the Job
The patient advocate provides a vital link between the patient and the hospital staff.
A good candidate for this position is familiar with our hospital and can deal sensitively with people under stress.
Are you comfortable with that? Stress? Yes, I think i understand stress.
Well.
Ah.
I see that you've cited two very impressive references Dr.
David howser and Dr.
Douglas howser.
I don't want preferential treatment simply because my last name's howser.
If I get this job, I'll use my maiden name o'brien.
Well Ms.
o'brien I didn't realize that you had worked as a hospital ward clerk.
Actually, that's how I met and fell in love with Um, reference number one.
Then for a year, I did all of David's medical transcription, so I'm familiar with the terminology.
I'm an exceptionally good speller Katherine I know a lot of people find hospitals depressing, but I've always felt they could be happy, fun places, too.
I think I'm ready for the swimsuit competition now.
Of course, as new interns, you'll be responsible for retaining the details of all the cases on your service.
I remember when I was just an intern.
It seems so long ago now.
I hope you realize I'm here to answer any questions or give advice on patients, hospital politics, life in general.
You You can think of me as your brother, your younger, smarter brother.
Oh, doogie! Doogie! I got the job! Isn't it wonderful? Oh.
Oh.
You've got Something there.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd Like you to meet my mother.
Uh-huh.
This is a hospital, not a nightclub.
Well, that's different.
See you later.
Hmm.
Did you, uh, see the new babe? O'brien? Yes.
As a matter of fact, I did.
Not bad, huh? Dr.
Welch, i find your behavior unprofessional, inappropriate, and completely repulsive.
And besides, that was no babe.
That was my mother.
Katherine! Katherine, there's no milk! No Katherine.
Ohhh "David, left early for work.
See you at 6:00.
"Love you.
Me.
P.
S.
It was your turn to buy the milk.
" Oh Well No milk.
Katie, there's no milk! Who are you? Who are you? I'm David howser.
I belong here.
I'm the gardener.
I belong here, too.
Since when? Since eight years ago.
That's my cup.
So where's Katie? She's at work.
Some doctor.
You have to send your wife to work? Actually, it was her choice.
Interesting.
Shouldn't you be watering or something? What do you want in the side yard, petunias or pansies? Well, I don't know.
Katie always knew.
Petunias.
And what's with this "Katie" business? Her name happens to be Katherine.
Katherine? No.
Too formal.
I think Katie is a little too informal.
Maybe I just know her better.
Don't tell me you'll find out how much my insurance covers.
You should know that already.
Some advocate you are.
Boy, they'll place a name tag on anybody these days.
Mr.
Sullivan, there's really no need to shout.
It's all right, mom.
I'll take care of this.
Mom? So baby Einstein's got his mommy working here now.
That explains how she got the job.
All right, Mr.
Sullivan.
As usual, your ulcer's flared up again.
You should know any additional stress would severely compromise your health.
I suggest you take a deep breath and button it.
Otherwise mommy will wash out my mouth with soap? I understand you're not feeling well, but don't treat our staff members with disrespect.
Now, just lie back and relax.
He won't hassle you anymore.
Don't ever do that again.
What? How dare you presume i needed your help? Your arrogance completely undermined my credibility with that patient.
From now on, i expect you to treat me as you would any other employee in this hospital.
You got that? Got it.
Hey, I told you I needed that vomit tray! Hey, mom! I will leave you to your patient Ms.
o'brien.
Who's the tootsie with the big babaloos? I don't know.
I don't care.
Aren't you supposed to be sick? Not Chinese food again! What is this, China? Hello, vin.
Want some kung pao? No, I don't want kung pao.
It's Wednesday night.
This used to be pot roast night with those tiny little potatoes your mom roasted golden brown, basting them over and over Please.
I'm trying to locate some flavor.
Your mom was the best stay-at-home mom.
Don't roll over and order out.
What does your dad think about all this? He feels mom's entitled to a life outside the home, and we should support her.
Man, that is so seventies.
That's it.
Yesterday, they forgot the won ton.
The day before, the hot and sour soup wasn't hot or sour.
Today, no plum sauce.
I'm going back and talk to wang myself.
How's that kung pao? I can see he's adjusting to this well.
That's it.
I can't take this anymore.
These feelings might not be politically correct, but I've got to say this.
My mom's driving me totally, absolutely, utterly insane.
Get it off your chest.
You'll feel better.
She's kissed me in public, yelled at me for innocently helping her out, and half the hospital has the hots for her.
What's that supposed to mean? Everywhere I go, some jerk is calling her "babe" or "tootsie" like in that show guys and dolls.
That's it.
No more.
If anybody's going to lust after your mother, it's going to be me.
I knew her first.
I don't know what to do.
Yes, you do.
You just don't want to do it.
You're right.
I'm going to tell her to quit Tonight.
What's that I smell? Could it be the sweet perfume of eau de pot roast? I'm home! Tiny moist potatoes smothered in gravy.
Hi, guys.
Doogie, where's your father? Seeing a man about an egg roll.
Guess what happened at work today.
I got my first week's paycheck.
That's great.
This hasn't been the easiest week for any of us.
But we got through it, and I'm proud of myself.
And I'm proud of you, too, doogie.
Oh, I almost forgot.
To celebrate, i bought everyone Presents.
Not edible.
So? What do you think of your mom now, doogie? I'm real proud of you, mom.
Bob, I couldn't have done that report without your help.
I know you went out of your way.
Thanks for the compliment.
Well, I like working with you, too, Bob.
Wait a minute.
Food I can eat without chopsticks.
This is a new concept in dining.
I'm starved.
Mom cooked? I cooked.
Sit down.
Ha ha.
Exactly what I was thinking.
We should sit down, put our heads together Who's she talking to? Bob.
Bob? Bob.
O.
K.
, great.
Lunch tomorrow.
Definitely not the cafeteria.
O.
K.
Bye-bye.
Emergency call? No, we're just chatting.
Bob's another patient advocate.
Quite the raconteur, i gather.
So.
What's for dinner? It smells great.
Oh, cold angel hair pasta with congealed marinara sauce and a limp Caesar salad.
Lovely.
Let's eat.
You may not realize it, but you've been on the phone since you walked through the door.
You know, I just realized I'm not that hungry.
You know, I don't like your tone, David.
Perhaps that's because it's not a dial tone.
Don't try to stop me.
I'm trying to cut down.
I'm getting some serious love handles here.
O.
K, David.
What's bugging you? Ahem.
Well, uh I miss you.
I miss The old Katherine.
I miss having you here when I get home The lights all on The smell of cooking mixed with your perfume Just knowing that you're here.
Waiting for me.
I'm a pig.
Shoot me.
What if I don't want to shoot you? Mmm.
Mmm.
I'm just happier now.
I was afraid of that.
Mind if I skip dinner and go straight to bed? Now, there's a thought.
Unfortunately, it's not the one I'm having.
The only thing I'm taking to bed Is this.
not including flow charts.
Good night.
in her third trimester, no idea she's pregnant.
Welcome to the real world.
Do you realize how many uninformed young mothers I've seen since I've been here? And it gets worse every year.
They're emotionally and physically unprepared.
And you can forget about pre-natal care.
Most of them have never even heard of it.
That's terrible.
And eastman doesn't have a special educational program to help these kids? Not as yet.
But if that's a suggestion, it's a good one.
Well, it just makes sense.
Between pregnancy and diseases, it's a sexual minefield out there for teenagers.
Thank god doogie's still a virgin.
Excuse me.
Doogie Don't say it, mom, just don't say it.
Do you realize how long it has taken me to build up any credibility at all in this hospital? And I had to fight for every single bit of it because of my age.
And now you come along and in a couple of weeks you ruin it all.
You're ruining everything.
I want you to quit.
Dr.
howser, emergency room stat.
Dr.
howser, emergency room stat.
Watch out, please.
He's not talking.
Do something.
Get him into "b.
" What have we got? Male.
18.
Gunshot to the head.
Mugged.
Mother saw the whole thing.
He was talking before! Ready? Tell the blood bank to set up six units.
Tell the neurosurgeon we'll send him for a cat scan when he's stabilized.
He's on his way.
I called the blood bank.
Right pupil's blown.
BP is 90 over 50, pulse 58.
Here's the blood.
Thanks.
I've got it.
Somebody start an arterial line.
I'm putting in a catheter.
Mrs.
Diaz? I finally reached your sister.
She's on her way.
He did everything they asked him to.
He gave them all his money.
They killed him anyway.
Where's my son? He's in the icu.
It's like i told you, Mrs.
Diaz.
Your son is what we call brain dead.
He's been seen by two neurologists.
There's no way he can survive off the machines.
I'm sorry.
I wish this could wait, but it can't.
This is an authorization for you to allow us to use your son's organs for transplant.
I know this is hard for you, but think of all the people you'll help.
Why should I help anybody? Look what they did to my son.
Look what they did to me.
Mrs.
Diaz I don't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but I have a son, too.
He's the dearest thing in the world to me, and if something like this ever happened to him, I'd think Maybe this is a way of Of having him live on For him And for you.
At least, if it was my son I hope that's how I'd think of it.
We gave the liver to a teenage girl up on the sixth.
The other organs were flown to recipients in other hospitals.
Well, I'm glad.
You handled that brilliantly, mom.
You helped a lot of people and at the same time made her feel better, too.
I really didn't think about it at the time.
I just tried to put myself in her place.
Doogie I've been sitting here thinking About a lot of things.
But there's this One crazy memory that keeps popping up.
I'm 14 years old, and I'm in the back seat of my parents' car, and I'm all scrunched down, praying that no one I know will see me because the most embarrassing thing in the world when you're 14 is to be seen riding in the car with your parents.
That's how you feel about my being here, isn't it? No Yeah.
Doogie, I'm going to quit.
No.
You can't.
I mean, sure, we've had our problems, huge, horrible, humiliating problems, but You're just too valuable to this hospital to just leave.
We just need to fine-tune our working relationship.
I'm really proud of you, mom.
Really.
I'm proud of you, too, doogie.
Is it o.
K.
If we hug? Well, o.
K But just a quick one.
How's it going, son? Oh Fine.
See your mother at work today? Yeah.
We had a big talk about her job.
Really? Get her to quit? Well, actually I convinced her not to.
That's an interesting twist.
Maybe we need to give this a little more time.
Maybe we're both a little spoiled.
Yeah.
It was nice though, wasn't it? Good night, son.
Good night, dad.
A good candidate for this position is familiar with our hospital and can deal sensitively with people under stress.
Are you comfortable with that? Stress? Yes, I think i understand stress.
Well.
Ah.
I see that you've cited two very impressive references Dr.
David howser and Dr.
Douglas howser.
I don't want preferential treatment simply because my last name's howser.
If I get this job, I'll use my maiden name o'brien.
Well Ms.
o'brien I didn't realize that you had worked as a hospital ward clerk.
Actually, that's how I met and fell in love with Um, reference number one.
Then for a year, I did all of David's medical transcription, so I'm familiar with the terminology.
I'm an exceptionally good speller Katherine I know a lot of people find hospitals depressing, but I've always felt they could be happy, fun places, too.
I think I'm ready for the swimsuit competition now.
Of course, as new interns, you'll be responsible for retaining the details of all the cases on your service.
I remember when I was just an intern.
It seems so long ago now.
I hope you realize I'm here to answer any questions or give advice on patients, hospital politics, life in general.
You You can think of me as your brother, your younger, smarter brother.
Oh, doogie! Doogie! I got the job! Isn't it wonderful? Oh.
Oh.
You've got Something there.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd Like you to meet my mother.
Uh-huh.
This is a hospital, not a nightclub.
Well, that's different.
See you later.
Hmm.
Did you, uh, see the new babe? O'brien? Yes.
As a matter of fact, I did.
Not bad, huh? Dr.
Welch, i find your behavior unprofessional, inappropriate, and completely repulsive.
And besides, that was no babe.
That was my mother.
Katherine! Katherine, there's no milk! No Katherine.
Ohhh "David, left early for work.
See you at 6:00.
"Love you.
Me.
P.
S.
It was your turn to buy the milk.
" Oh Well No milk.
Katie, there's no milk! Who are you? Who are you? I'm David howser.
I belong here.
I'm the gardener.
I belong here, too.
Since when? Since eight years ago.
That's my cup.
So where's Katie? She's at work.
Some doctor.
You have to send your wife to work? Actually, it was her choice.
Interesting.
Shouldn't you be watering or something? What do you want in the side yard, petunias or pansies? Well, I don't know.
Katie always knew.
Petunias.
And what's with this "Katie" business? Her name happens to be Katherine.
Katherine? No.
Too formal.
I think Katie is a little too informal.
Maybe I just know her better.
Don't tell me you'll find out how much my insurance covers.
You should know that already.
Some advocate you are.
Boy, they'll place a name tag on anybody these days.
Mr.
Sullivan, there's really no need to shout.
It's all right, mom.
I'll take care of this.
Mom? So baby Einstein's got his mommy working here now.
That explains how she got the job.
All right, Mr.
Sullivan.
As usual, your ulcer's flared up again.
You should know any additional stress would severely compromise your health.
I suggest you take a deep breath and button it.
Otherwise mommy will wash out my mouth with soap? I understand you're not feeling well, but don't treat our staff members with disrespect.
Now, just lie back and relax.
He won't hassle you anymore.
Don't ever do that again.
What? How dare you presume i needed your help? Your arrogance completely undermined my credibility with that patient.
From now on, i expect you to treat me as you would any other employee in this hospital.
You got that? Got it.
Hey, I told you I needed that vomit tray! Hey, mom! I will leave you to your patient Ms.
o'brien.
Who's the tootsie with the big babaloos? I don't know.
I don't care.
Aren't you supposed to be sick? Not Chinese food again! What is this, China? Hello, vin.
Want some kung pao? No, I don't want kung pao.
It's Wednesday night.
This used to be pot roast night with those tiny little potatoes your mom roasted golden brown, basting them over and over Please.
I'm trying to locate some flavor.
Your mom was the best stay-at-home mom.
Don't roll over and order out.
What does your dad think about all this? He feels mom's entitled to a life outside the home, and we should support her.
Man, that is so seventies.
That's it.
Yesterday, they forgot the won ton.
The day before, the hot and sour soup wasn't hot or sour.
Today, no plum sauce.
I'm going back and talk to wang myself.
How's that kung pao? I can see he's adjusting to this well.
That's it.
I can't take this anymore.
These feelings might not be politically correct, but I've got to say this.
My mom's driving me totally, absolutely, utterly insane.
Get it off your chest.
You'll feel better.
She's kissed me in public, yelled at me for innocently helping her out, and half the hospital has the hots for her.
What's that supposed to mean? Everywhere I go, some jerk is calling her "babe" or "tootsie" like in that show guys and dolls.
That's it.
No more.
If anybody's going to lust after your mother, it's going to be me.
I knew her first.
I don't know what to do.
Yes, you do.
You just don't want to do it.
You're right.
I'm going to tell her to quit Tonight.
What's that I smell? Could it be the sweet perfume of eau de pot roast? I'm home! Tiny moist potatoes smothered in gravy.
Hi, guys.
Doogie, where's your father? Seeing a man about an egg roll.
Guess what happened at work today.
I got my first week's paycheck.
That's great.
This hasn't been the easiest week for any of us.
But we got through it, and I'm proud of myself.
And I'm proud of you, too, doogie.
Oh, I almost forgot.
To celebrate, i bought everyone Presents.
Not edible.
So? What do you think of your mom now, doogie? I'm real proud of you, mom.
Bob, I couldn't have done that report without your help.
I know you went out of your way.
Thanks for the compliment.
Well, I like working with you, too, Bob.
Wait a minute.
Food I can eat without chopsticks.
This is a new concept in dining.
I'm starved.
Mom cooked? I cooked.
Sit down.
Ha ha.
Exactly what I was thinking.
We should sit down, put our heads together Who's she talking to? Bob.
Bob? Bob.
O.
K.
, great.
Lunch tomorrow.
Definitely not the cafeteria.
O.
K.
Bye-bye.
Emergency call? No, we're just chatting.
Bob's another patient advocate.
Quite the raconteur, i gather.
So.
What's for dinner? It smells great.
Oh, cold angel hair pasta with congealed marinara sauce and a limp Caesar salad.
Lovely.
Let's eat.
You may not realize it, but you've been on the phone since you walked through the door.
You know, I just realized I'm not that hungry.
You know, I don't like your tone, David.
Perhaps that's because it's not a dial tone.
Don't try to stop me.
I'm trying to cut down.
I'm getting some serious love handles here.
O.
K, David.
What's bugging you? Ahem.
Well, uh I miss you.
I miss The old Katherine.
I miss having you here when I get home The lights all on The smell of cooking mixed with your perfume Just knowing that you're here.
Waiting for me.
I'm a pig.
Shoot me.
What if I don't want to shoot you? Mmm.
Mmm.
I'm just happier now.
I was afraid of that.
Mind if I skip dinner and go straight to bed? Now, there's a thought.
Unfortunately, it's not the one I'm having.
The only thing I'm taking to bed Is this.
not including flow charts.
Good night.
in her third trimester, no idea she's pregnant.
Welcome to the real world.
Do you realize how many uninformed young mothers I've seen since I've been here? And it gets worse every year.
They're emotionally and physically unprepared.
And you can forget about pre-natal care.
Most of them have never even heard of it.
That's terrible.
And eastman doesn't have a special educational program to help these kids? Not as yet.
But if that's a suggestion, it's a good one.
Well, it just makes sense.
Between pregnancy and diseases, it's a sexual minefield out there for teenagers.
Thank god doogie's still a virgin.
Excuse me.
Doogie Don't say it, mom, just don't say it.
Do you realize how long it has taken me to build up any credibility at all in this hospital? And I had to fight for every single bit of it because of my age.
And now you come along and in a couple of weeks you ruin it all.
You're ruining everything.
I want you to quit.
Dr.
howser, emergency room stat.
Dr.
howser, emergency room stat.
Watch out, please.
He's not talking.
Do something.
Get him into "b.
" What have we got? Male.
18.
Gunshot to the head.
Mugged.
Mother saw the whole thing.
He was talking before! Ready? Tell the blood bank to set up six units.
Tell the neurosurgeon we'll send him for a cat scan when he's stabilized.
He's on his way.
I called the blood bank.
Right pupil's blown.
BP is 90 over 50, pulse 58.
Here's the blood.
Thanks.
I've got it.
Somebody start an arterial line.
I'm putting in a catheter.
Mrs.
Diaz? I finally reached your sister.
She's on her way.
He did everything they asked him to.
He gave them all his money.
They killed him anyway.
Where's my son? He's in the icu.
It's like i told you, Mrs.
Diaz.
Your son is what we call brain dead.
He's been seen by two neurologists.
There's no way he can survive off the machines.
I'm sorry.
I wish this could wait, but it can't.
This is an authorization for you to allow us to use your son's organs for transplant.
I know this is hard for you, but think of all the people you'll help.
Why should I help anybody? Look what they did to my son.
Look what they did to me.
Mrs.
Diaz I don't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but I have a son, too.
He's the dearest thing in the world to me, and if something like this ever happened to him, I'd think Maybe this is a way of Of having him live on For him And for you.
At least, if it was my son I hope that's how I'd think of it.
We gave the liver to a teenage girl up on the sixth.
The other organs were flown to recipients in other hospitals.
Well, I'm glad.
You handled that brilliantly, mom.
You helped a lot of people and at the same time made her feel better, too.
I really didn't think about it at the time.
I just tried to put myself in her place.
Doogie I've been sitting here thinking About a lot of things.
But there's this One crazy memory that keeps popping up.
I'm 14 years old, and I'm in the back seat of my parents' car, and I'm all scrunched down, praying that no one I know will see me because the most embarrassing thing in the world when you're 14 is to be seen riding in the car with your parents.
That's how you feel about my being here, isn't it? No Yeah.
Doogie, I'm going to quit.
No.
You can't.
I mean, sure, we've had our problems, huge, horrible, humiliating problems, but You're just too valuable to this hospital to just leave.
We just need to fine-tune our working relationship.
I'm really proud of you, mom.
Really.
I'm proud of you, too, doogie.
Is it o.
K.
If we hug? Well, o.
K But just a quick one.
How's it going, son? Oh Fine.
See your mother at work today? Yeah.
We had a big talk about her job.
Really? Get her to quit? Well, actually I convinced her not to.
That's an interesting twist.
Maybe we need to give this a little more time.
Maybe we're both a little spoiled.
Yeah.
It was nice though, wasn't it? Good night, son.
Good night, dad.