Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s02e21 Episode Script
Rent Day
1 Big windows, lots of light, finished basement.
Why has this place been sitting on the market so long? It's a buyer's market, as we have discovered.
Tough time to sell.
Is that why you reduced the price several times? You're really getting a steal.
Oh, I saw the patchwork in the basement.
You have termite trouble? Termites? Well, this house is such a hospitable environment, who wouldn't want to live here? [Laughs.]
So, what do you say? You know, you've done a good job renovating, and it's a great deal, so - I'll take it.
- Oh! [Women laughing, cheering.]
Ooh, yeah! Smart! You and your family will be very, very happy here.
Oh.
Oh, no.
I'm not gonna live here.
I'm gonna rent it out.
In this market, renting's where the real money's at.
This place is gonna pay for itself a dozen times over.
- Get out of my house! - All right! Bye-bye.
[Door slams.]
S02E21 Rent Day Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Jessica, we've been trying to sell this house for months.
We've been through Halloween vandals, black mold, termites.
Exactly.
And after all that, we're only gonna break even.
We're supposed to make money on this house.
And if we rent it out, we will.
"We" rent it out? That man was right.
Why buy a sickly cow and fatten it up and then sell it for beans? No.
You milk that cow every month for 300 years.
But we don't know anything about being landlords.
You have to find tenants, hire a real-estate attorney, contracts, credit checks, handyman Eh, that's all fluff.
We just need to find the right tenants.
I will take care of everything.
All you have to do is sit back and let the rent checks roll in.
[Eddie laughs.]
Oh, I love doing crosswords with you.
Such a great way for us to spend time together.
Dad! We found the missing TV remote! Oh, thank God.
These are so boring.
Where was it? This was a tough case.
Some remotes don't want to be found.
First, we had to rule out the obvious suspects Couch cushions, the magazine holder in the bathroom, Grandma But they all checked out.
So where was it? You left it in the pantry.
The pantry? That's odd.
Idon't go in the pantry.
I believe you do go in the pantry To cry after you watch a certain movie called "Babe.
" "That'll do, pig.
[Voice breaking.]
That'll do.
" Well [Chuckles.]
you found the remote.
Thank you.
[Sniffles.]
Here's a little something for your trouble.
Emery: Thanks, but we don't do it for the money.
We do it for justice.
But w-we'll take the money, though.
Another cased solved by The Huang Boys A perfect nine for nine.
Tell your friends.
Louis: "Tell your friends.
" Yo, Dad, since you're handing out free money, this is the Ironman watch, and I need it on my body.
It has a lap timer, a stainlesssteel case back, and it's water-resistant up to 100 meters.
[Splash.]
Aaaaaaaah! Louis: Ohhh.
So you're a watch guy, like your old man.
[Chuckles.]
I remember my first Gold Casio, mini calculator, programmable alarm.
You should have seen it.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, wait.
You can see it.
Because it's right here.
[Alarm beeping.]
Ah.
Listen to her sing.
That's the gentle tweeting of a punctual robot bird.
[Chuckles.]
I knew you'd feel me, Dad.
So, want to give me cash or [Chuckles.]
[Both laughing.]
Oh.
So why should I rent to you? Because I'm a family man, and my kids come first.
I work for a nonprofit.
I served three tours in the Navy, and I'm now teaching I'm Jordan.
This is my wife, Raquel.
We filled out your application and included our college transcripts and LSAT scores.
Hope that's okay.
LSATs? So you're lawyers? Well, we're not in law anymore.
We're in medicine now.
It's just much more lucrative.
I suppose it is.
Um, okay.
No pets? Nonsmokers? No weekend jazz bands? You seem perfect.
A little too perfect.
Sweetie she deserves to know.
I knew it.
What is it? We never want to have kids.
[Sighs.]
[Cartoon playing on television.]
[Chuckles.]
[TV turns off.]
Father, I'd just like to follow up on our conversation yesterday.
[Sighs.]
You're very close to me right now.
While I explained the benefits of watch ownership, I didn't tell you all the ways that not having a watch is ruining my life.
Could you just back up an inch? When we're ordering pizza, I have no idea if it takes 30 minutes or less.
I'm like, "You're late.
" The guy's like, "Where's your proof?" And I'm like, "Right here.
Oh.
" Eddie, don't make everything about pizza.
This is about responsibility.
I know if I buy you that watch, you'll wear it for one day, then toss it aside.
I promise I won't.
I'll tell you what If you can take care of my watch for one week and prove to me that you're responsible, then maybe I'll think about buying you an Ironman watch.
Yes! Deal! [Grunts.]
Now, let me just give you a quick lay of the land.
Watch out for her light.
It's a little fickle.
She feeds on arm hair, so be careful.
The 7 button on the calculator is broken, so you have to add the 3 and 4 first.
Or 2 and 5.
However you want to do it.
I don't want to micromanage that.
Or 8 minus 1.
Whatever.
User's choice.
You get a Chipwich, and you get a Chipwich! Do you know why it is raining Chipwiches? Because I just found us the perfect renters.
You did? Just deposited their check in my account.
I'll write you both checks for your share! This is my money that I earned.
It's not Marvin's money.
It's my money.
I got Honey money.
Good thing I convinced you both to invest in the property and convinced you both to rent it out, because I'm a visionary.
Oprah.
Gayles.
[Telephone rings.]
Huang residence.
Is this Mrs.
Huang? Yes, this is she.
I'm calling to inform you that the check you just deposited bounced.
What? [Gasps.]
I don't understand.
I know it's confusing.
The word "bounce" seems so positive Like Tigger.
I don't understand how my ear appointment can be approaching.
[Chuckles.]
It feels like it was just yesterday.
Okay, well, bye.
Come on, come on.
Write our checks.
Yes.
[Smacks lips.]
Yes.
Your checks.
Ha ha.
Here you [Smacks lips.]
Go.
Yes! Thank you.
[Knock on door.]
Oh! - Hi, Jessica.
- Hey.
Hi.
So, there's been some kind of a mistake.
The bank called yesterday, and they said that your check bounced.
Oh, you know why? That's probably because there's no money in our account.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's for sure it.
Yeah.
What do you mean, you have no money? - Eh - Buh [Both laugh.]
It's kind of a long story.
Come in, come in.
Come on.
Please, have a seat.
We're having cash-flow problems.
But I thought you were doctors.
[Chuckling.]
Oh, no.
God, no.
We were enrolled as guinea pigs in these drug trials, but then we got disqualified.
Yeah, when we said we were in medicine, I guess, technically, the medicine was in us.
So, I guess you didn't go to law school, either? Oh, no, no, no.
We did.
We did.
We just hated it.
It was so long and boring and expensive, which is why we're so deep in debt.
Honestly, we were surprised you rented the house to us, especially when you saw our credit report.
Fffft! Credit checks are fluff! This is my credit check My gut.
Then your gut's as bad as mine after that trial IBS drug.
Speaking of, the toilet's backed up.
Can we get the number for the handyman? Fluff! You know what? Forget this.
Pack your Honey: [Singsong voice.]
Knock, knock! Didn't mean to interrupt, but we just wanted to stop by and meet the new tenants.
Yes.
These are them Our perfect tenants.
Jessica's been raving about you guys.
Guess who spent her share on a fancy hat-of-the-month club.
[Car alarm chirps.]
Male voice: Protected by Viper.
Stand back.
It's nice to meet you.
Want to come in and play "Geese Lord"? You know what? We would love to, but we just can't.
We're very, very busy.
So, apparently, my dad has been sending letters to our old address, but, honestly, he's been gone from my life for so long now, I wonder if I even want him around.
How do you miss someone who Hold up! Where's my watch?! Where's my dad?! I lost Dad's watch! Give us all the details.
I had taken it off to shower on Saturday.
I know I put it in a safe place On top of G-Dubs.
One witness Toy glowworm.
And then, I don't remember.
I don't know if I put it back on afterwards.
Maybe.
I don't know! Client's memory unreliable.
Possible victim of amnesia.
The Huang Boys are on the case.
[Glove snaps.]
We need to dust for fingerprints.
I'll get the flower.
[Sighs.]
Honey: Need a ride? Oh, is that My leased Probe? Yes.
Yes, it is.
She's got a full tank of gas.
If we wanted, we could probably make it all the way to N'awlins.
Oh.
[Laughs.]
I can't.
Uh, I-I have to go check on the tenants.
Turns out there's a little plumbing issue.
Oh, no.
Well, then, I'll come help.
Oh, no! No, no, no.
It's fine.
I got it.
I was gonna go anyway, because [Squeals.]
I got them a welcome gift basket.
Oh, perfect! I'll give it to them.
Oh, that's so nice of you to think of this.
You know, that's why we're great partners Because you think of these kind of things.
Now, go to N'awlins, you nosy bitch! [Laughing.]
All right.
Hi.
How's it going? Oh! [Laughs.]
Hey, Jessica.
I was just trying to drive beers into the living room.
What's up? If you have money to waste on pizza and video games and tiny cars, you have money for rent.
Move.
[Grunts.]
No more cable.
Nonessential.
No more takeout.
Make your own food.
This is a schedule for the Florida bar.
You're gonna hit the books and pass it.
Get real jobs.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, we're not good with money, so this is actually really helpful.
And until you pay me what you owe me, you're the handyman.
Fix the toilet yourself.
And fix up the place while you're at it.
Add value.
Maybe a blueberry patch.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Sorry, G-Dubs.
We're almost done.
Evan: I think he likes it.
Boys, I need your help.
I lost Eddie's watch.
Twist.
Talk to us.
Well, on Saturday, I walked past Eddie's room and saw he had carelessly left my watch lying on his bed.
So I took it to teach him a lesson.
And then I lost it.
Possible irony.
Emery: Dad, Eddie took off the watch because it was his shower day.
His shower day is on Sunday.
He switched it to Saturdays because he gets so worked up during "American Gladiators.
" [Cheering on television.]
Gladiators, ready! Oh, no.
He just took it off to shower.
I need you to find that watch before the end of the week.
And whatever you do, don't tell Eddie.
Permission to extend bedtime so we can solve the case? Crime doesn't sleep, and neither should you.
[Chicken clucking.]
The hell? "Fiduciary.
" [Both laugh.]
Why is there a chicken on the front lawn? Oh.
We took your advice about making our own food to save money, so we got some chickens, and it cut our breakfast budget to zero.
What are you Zero? No kidding.
We had to pay for the chickens and the materials to build the coops and the food and the vet bills We got them microchipped So the savings should kick in in about two months.
Out! Get out! You two are hopeless! Pack your bags.
I'm evicting you.
Oh, we're not leaving.
Mnh.
Since you made us study for the bar, we remembered that we have these things called rights.
Yeah.
Legally, you can't kick us out.
If you did, we could have you arrested.
Sorry.
- No hard feelings.
- Uh Here.
[Singsong voice.]
These are for you.
Ohh! They're warm! I don't want your warm, homemade butt eggs! - You're gonna love them.
- Yeah.
Whoop! Whoop! That's the sound of the beast Whoop! Whoop! [Horn honking.]
Hey! Whoop! Whoop! Pull over! That's the sound of the beast Whoop! Whoop! [Horn honking.]
That's the sound of the police Yeah, right there.
Stay.
That's the sound of the beast Whoop! Whoop! That's the sound of the police I know I was speeding, but my sister Oh.
Hi, Jessica.
Officer Bryson, I need your help.
I've got deadbeat law students in my house.
I rented the investment property to them, and they refuse to leave.
Oh, so you've got squatters.
That is the perfect disgusting word for what they are.
Unfortunately, I can't help you.
The law is very much on their side.
You can't just turn them out.
So they can just stay in my house, not pay rent, and I can't do anything about it? These people are not my mother-in-law.
So, can I go? Just remember Driving is a privilege.
[Knocks.]
Whoop! Whoop! That's the sound of the police Any progress? We're running out of time.
Good news, Dad.
We heard back from Casio.
Turns out, the watch was manufactured in 1985.
Your story checks out.
You're no longer a suspect.
Guys! What's going on with Dad! What are you doing here? Oh, nothing.
Just, uh, coming in to ruffle the hair of my boys.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, well, I also came to ruffle.
[Chuckles.]
There you are.
All right, then.
Uh, yeah.
I'll see you later, then.
Yeah, see you around.
Oh.
[Door closes.]
You're sure you want me to shut the power off? They've left me no choice, Jerry.
I tried to teach them.
They refused to learn.
I went to the law.
The law turned its back on me.
Shut it down.
Now turn off the water.
Now sic this stray cat on the chickens.
[Cat meows.]
She's got the scent.
Send her in.
[Meowing.]
She's formulating a plan of attack.
Apex predator.
[Meows.]
[Insects chirping.]
No.
Candlelight is so romantic.
And who needs water when we have margaritas? No ice, so they're room-temp, just like in Mexico.
Mexico's nailing it.
[Chuckles.]
Mm! Oh, baby, look.
Look at them.
[Chuckling.]
Oh! [Clucking, purring.]
Man taught you to hate each other, but you said no.
Should we have a kid? Yeah.
I want that.
Okay, good.
[Both chuckling.]
[Alarm beeping.]
[Gasps.]
Thank God! The Huang Boys did it! Yeah Well, Dad, It's the end of the week, and I still have your watch, like I said I would.
Well, look at that! Impressive.
I never should have doubted you, Eddie.
We solved it! We found the missing watch! Wait.
If that's your watch, then whose watch is this? It's a new one.
I bought it.
I saw my watch lying in your room, and I thought you were being careless, so I took it to teach you a lesson.
[Alarm beeping.]
I shouldn't have That's my robot bird.
It isn't either of these watches.
[Beeping continues.]
Ma, why do you have my watch? But I'm your son.
Why are you messing with me? Mm.
Wait If Grandma has your watch and this is the watch you bought to replace it, then whose watch do Evan and Emery have? [Sighs.]
We bought it With our justice fund! We'd solved every case, and we didn't want to ruin our perfect record.
Looks like the real victim in all of this was the truth.
I'm too young for this crap.
Squatters? They won't leave.
I thought you said that I didn't know how to tell you I was wrong.
I got us into this situation, and now I don't know how to get out.
So, those checks you wrote us came out of your own account? Yes.
[Sighs.]
I'm surprised you were able to cash them.
I signed them "Montana Moorehead.
" I don't understand why you didn't just tell us the truth.
Because I'm supposed to be a visionary.
I'm supposed to be Oprah.
You invested your money in that house because of me, and it's been nothing but problems.
I convinced you to trust me, and I failed.
Did you know Oprah got fired? What? Early in her career, from a local news station in Baltimore.
Did she let that stop her? Did she give up? Did she take her lapel Mic and go home? No.
No.
That's right.
She didn't.
And neither will you.
So, this first investment property didn't work out.
So what? The next one will.
The important thing is that you keep going, and before you know it, you'll have a horse farm and your own book club.
Thank you, Honey.
Now I know Oprah can be Oprah because she has Gayle.
And Gayle can be Gayle because she has Oprah.
Sure.
Maybe.
No.
Yeah, that was too far.
I felt it.
Okay, so, I know we made a little less from the sale than expected, but at least the squatters are now the new owner's problem.
Here.
Take your share.
Or reinvest it.
Jessica, I don't know.
I just feel lucky not to have lost money.
Oh, okay.
That's fair.
Here.
Take your checks.
Or reinvest it.
What does Florida have more of than any other state? Alligators? Fuddruckers.
Condominiums.
Or, as I like to call them, condo-money-ums.
Well, now we have to do it.
Why has this place been sitting on the market so long? It's a buyer's market, as we have discovered.
Tough time to sell.
Is that why you reduced the price several times? You're really getting a steal.
Oh, I saw the patchwork in the basement.
You have termite trouble? Termites? Well, this house is such a hospitable environment, who wouldn't want to live here? [Laughs.]
So, what do you say? You know, you've done a good job renovating, and it's a great deal, so - I'll take it.
- Oh! [Women laughing, cheering.]
Ooh, yeah! Smart! You and your family will be very, very happy here.
Oh.
Oh, no.
I'm not gonna live here.
I'm gonna rent it out.
In this market, renting's where the real money's at.
This place is gonna pay for itself a dozen times over.
- Get out of my house! - All right! Bye-bye.
[Door slams.]
S02E21 Rent Day Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Jessica, we've been trying to sell this house for months.
We've been through Halloween vandals, black mold, termites.
Exactly.
And after all that, we're only gonna break even.
We're supposed to make money on this house.
And if we rent it out, we will.
"We" rent it out? That man was right.
Why buy a sickly cow and fatten it up and then sell it for beans? No.
You milk that cow every month for 300 years.
But we don't know anything about being landlords.
You have to find tenants, hire a real-estate attorney, contracts, credit checks, handyman Eh, that's all fluff.
We just need to find the right tenants.
I will take care of everything.
All you have to do is sit back and let the rent checks roll in.
[Eddie laughs.]
Oh, I love doing crosswords with you.
Such a great way for us to spend time together.
Dad! We found the missing TV remote! Oh, thank God.
These are so boring.
Where was it? This was a tough case.
Some remotes don't want to be found.
First, we had to rule out the obvious suspects Couch cushions, the magazine holder in the bathroom, Grandma But they all checked out.
So where was it? You left it in the pantry.
The pantry? That's odd.
Idon't go in the pantry.
I believe you do go in the pantry To cry after you watch a certain movie called "Babe.
" "That'll do, pig.
[Voice breaking.]
That'll do.
" Well [Chuckles.]
you found the remote.
Thank you.
[Sniffles.]
Here's a little something for your trouble.
Emery: Thanks, but we don't do it for the money.
We do it for justice.
But w-we'll take the money, though.
Another cased solved by The Huang Boys A perfect nine for nine.
Tell your friends.
Louis: "Tell your friends.
" Yo, Dad, since you're handing out free money, this is the Ironman watch, and I need it on my body.
It has a lap timer, a stainlesssteel case back, and it's water-resistant up to 100 meters.
[Splash.]
Aaaaaaaah! Louis: Ohhh.
So you're a watch guy, like your old man.
[Chuckles.]
I remember my first Gold Casio, mini calculator, programmable alarm.
You should have seen it.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, wait.
You can see it.
Because it's right here.
[Alarm beeping.]
Ah.
Listen to her sing.
That's the gentle tweeting of a punctual robot bird.
[Chuckles.]
I knew you'd feel me, Dad.
So, want to give me cash or [Chuckles.]
[Both laughing.]
Oh.
So why should I rent to you? Because I'm a family man, and my kids come first.
I work for a nonprofit.
I served three tours in the Navy, and I'm now teaching I'm Jordan.
This is my wife, Raquel.
We filled out your application and included our college transcripts and LSAT scores.
Hope that's okay.
LSATs? So you're lawyers? Well, we're not in law anymore.
We're in medicine now.
It's just much more lucrative.
I suppose it is.
Um, okay.
No pets? Nonsmokers? No weekend jazz bands? You seem perfect.
A little too perfect.
Sweetie she deserves to know.
I knew it.
What is it? We never want to have kids.
[Sighs.]
[Cartoon playing on television.]
[Chuckles.]
[TV turns off.]
Father, I'd just like to follow up on our conversation yesterday.
[Sighs.]
You're very close to me right now.
While I explained the benefits of watch ownership, I didn't tell you all the ways that not having a watch is ruining my life.
Could you just back up an inch? When we're ordering pizza, I have no idea if it takes 30 minutes or less.
I'm like, "You're late.
" The guy's like, "Where's your proof?" And I'm like, "Right here.
Oh.
" Eddie, don't make everything about pizza.
This is about responsibility.
I know if I buy you that watch, you'll wear it for one day, then toss it aside.
I promise I won't.
I'll tell you what If you can take care of my watch for one week and prove to me that you're responsible, then maybe I'll think about buying you an Ironman watch.
Yes! Deal! [Grunts.]
Now, let me just give you a quick lay of the land.
Watch out for her light.
It's a little fickle.
She feeds on arm hair, so be careful.
The 7 button on the calculator is broken, so you have to add the 3 and 4 first.
Or 2 and 5.
However you want to do it.
I don't want to micromanage that.
Or 8 minus 1.
Whatever.
User's choice.
You get a Chipwich, and you get a Chipwich! Do you know why it is raining Chipwiches? Because I just found us the perfect renters.
You did? Just deposited their check in my account.
I'll write you both checks for your share! This is my money that I earned.
It's not Marvin's money.
It's my money.
I got Honey money.
Good thing I convinced you both to invest in the property and convinced you both to rent it out, because I'm a visionary.
Oprah.
Gayles.
[Telephone rings.]
Huang residence.
Is this Mrs.
Huang? Yes, this is she.
I'm calling to inform you that the check you just deposited bounced.
What? [Gasps.]
I don't understand.
I know it's confusing.
The word "bounce" seems so positive Like Tigger.
I don't understand how my ear appointment can be approaching.
[Chuckles.]
It feels like it was just yesterday.
Okay, well, bye.
Come on, come on.
Write our checks.
Yes.
[Smacks lips.]
Yes.
Your checks.
Ha ha.
Here you [Smacks lips.]
Go.
Yes! Thank you.
[Knock on door.]
Oh! - Hi, Jessica.
- Hey.
Hi.
So, there's been some kind of a mistake.
The bank called yesterday, and they said that your check bounced.
Oh, you know why? That's probably because there's no money in our account.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's for sure it.
Yeah.
What do you mean, you have no money? - Eh - Buh [Both laugh.]
It's kind of a long story.
Come in, come in.
Come on.
Please, have a seat.
We're having cash-flow problems.
But I thought you were doctors.
[Chuckling.]
Oh, no.
God, no.
We were enrolled as guinea pigs in these drug trials, but then we got disqualified.
Yeah, when we said we were in medicine, I guess, technically, the medicine was in us.
So, I guess you didn't go to law school, either? Oh, no, no, no.
We did.
We did.
We just hated it.
It was so long and boring and expensive, which is why we're so deep in debt.
Honestly, we were surprised you rented the house to us, especially when you saw our credit report.
Fffft! Credit checks are fluff! This is my credit check My gut.
Then your gut's as bad as mine after that trial IBS drug.
Speaking of, the toilet's backed up.
Can we get the number for the handyman? Fluff! You know what? Forget this.
Pack your Honey: [Singsong voice.]
Knock, knock! Didn't mean to interrupt, but we just wanted to stop by and meet the new tenants.
Yes.
These are them Our perfect tenants.
Jessica's been raving about you guys.
Guess who spent her share on a fancy hat-of-the-month club.
[Car alarm chirps.]
Male voice: Protected by Viper.
Stand back.
It's nice to meet you.
Want to come in and play "Geese Lord"? You know what? We would love to, but we just can't.
We're very, very busy.
So, apparently, my dad has been sending letters to our old address, but, honestly, he's been gone from my life for so long now, I wonder if I even want him around.
How do you miss someone who Hold up! Where's my watch?! Where's my dad?! I lost Dad's watch! Give us all the details.
I had taken it off to shower on Saturday.
I know I put it in a safe place On top of G-Dubs.
One witness Toy glowworm.
And then, I don't remember.
I don't know if I put it back on afterwards.
Maybe.
I don't know! Client's memory unreliable.
Possible victim of amnesia.
The Huang Boys are on the case.
[Glove snaps.]
We need to dust for fingerprints.
I'll get the flower.
[Sighs.]
Honey: Need a ride? Oh, is that My leased Probe? Yes.
Yes, it is.
She's got a full tank of gas.
If we wanted, we could probably make it all the way to N'awlins.
Oh.
[Laughs.]
I can't.
Uh, I-I have to go check on the tenants.
Turns out there's a little plumbing issue.
Oh, no.
Well, then, I'll come help.
Oh, no! No, no, no.
It's fine.
I got it.
I was gonna go anyway, because [Squeals.]
I got them a welcome gift basket.
Oh, perfect! I'll give it to them.
Oh, that's so nice of you to think of this.
You know, that's why we're great partners Because you think of these kind of things.
Now, go to N'awlins, you nosy bitch! [Laughing.]
All right.
Hi.
How's it going? Oh! [Laughs.]
Hey, Jessica.
I was just trying to drive beers into the living room.
What's up? If you have money to waste on pizza and video games and tiny cars, you have money for rent.
Move.
[Grunts.]
No more cable.
Nonessential.
No more takeout.
Make your own food.
This is a schedule for the Florida bar.
You're gonna hit the books and pass it.
Get real jobs.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, we're not good with money, so this is actually really helpful.
And until you pay me what you owe me, you're the handyman.
Fix the toilet yourself.
And fix up the place while you're at it.
Add value.
Maybe a blueberry patch.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Sorry, G-Dubs.
We're almost done.
Evan: I think he likes it.
Boys, I need your help.
I lost Eddie's watch.
Twist.
Talk to us.
Well, on Saturday, I walked past Eddie's room and saw he had carelessly left my watch lying on his bed.
So I took it to teach him a lesson.
And then I lost it.
Possible irony.
Emery: Dad, Eddie took off the watch because it was his shower day.
His shower day is on Sunday.
He switched it to Saturdays because he gets so worked up during "American Gladiators.
" [Cheering on television.]
Gladiators, ready! Oh, no.
He just took it off to shower.
I need you to find that watch before the end of the week.
And whatever you do, don't tell Eddie.
Permission to extend bedtime so we can solve the case? Crime doesn't sleep, and neither should you.
[Chicken clucking.]
The hell? "Fiduciary.
" [Both laugh.]
Why is there a chicken on the front lawn? Oh.
We took your advice about making our own food to save money, so we got some chickens, and it cut our breakfast budget to zero.
What are you Zero? No kidding.
We had to pay for the chickens and the materials to build the coops and the food and the vet bills We got them microchipped So the savings should kick in in about two months.
Out! Get out! You two are hopeless! Pack your bags.
I'm evicting you.
Oh, we're not leaving.
Mnh.
Since you made us study for the bar, we remembered that we have these things called rights.
Yeah.
Legally, you can't kick us out.
If you did, we could have you arrested.
Sorry.
- No hard feelings.
- Uh Here.
[Singsong voice.]
These are for you.
Ohh! They're warm! I don't want your warm, homemade butt eggs! - You're gonna love them.
- Yeah.
Whoop! Whoop! That's the sound of the beast Whoop! Whoop! [Horn honking.]
Hey! Whoop! Whoop! Pull over! That's the sound of the beast Whoop! Whoop! [Horn honking.]
That's the sound of the police Yeah, right there.
Stay.
That's the sound of the beast Whoop! Whoop! That's the sound of the police I know I was speeding, but my sister Oh.
Hi, Jessica.
Officer Bryson, I need your help.
I've got deadbeat law students in my house.
I rented the investment property to them, and they refuse to leave.
Oh, so you've got squatters.
That is the perfect disgusting word for what they are.
Unfortunately, I can't help you.
The law is very much on their side.
You can't just turn them out.
So they can just stay in my house, not pay rent, and I can't do anything about it? These people are not my mother-in-law.
So, can I go? Just remember Driving is a privilege.
[Knocks.]
Whoop! Whoop! That's the sound of the police Any progress? We're running out of time.
Good news, Dad.
We heard back from Casio.
Turns out, the watch was manufactured in 1985.
Your story checks out.
You're no longer a suspect.
Guys! What's going on with Dad! What are you doing here? Oh, nothing.
Just, uh, coming in to ruffle the hair of my boys.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, well, I also came to ruffle.
[Chuckles.]
There you are.
All right, then.
Uh, yeah.
I'll see you later, then.
Yeah, see you around.
Oh.
[Door closes.]
You're sure you want me to shut the power off? They've left me no choice, Jerry.
I tried to teach them.
They refused to learn.
I went to the law.
The law turned its back on me.
Shut it down.
Now turn off the water.
Now sic this stray cat on the chickens.
[Cat meows.]
She's got the scent.
Send her in.
[Meowing.]
She's formulating a plan of attack.
Apex predator.
[Meows.]
[Insects chirping.]
No.
Candlelight is so romantic.
And who needs water when we have margaritas? No ice, so they're room-temp, just like in Mexico.
Mexico's nailing it.
[Chuckles.]
Mm! Oh, baby, look.
Look at them.
[Chuckling.]
Oh! [Clucking, purring.]
Man taught you to hate each other, but you said no.
Should we have a kid? Yeah.
I want that.
Okay, good.
[Both chuckling.]
[Alarm beeping.]
[Gasps.]
Thank God! The Huang Boys did it! Yeah Well, Dad, It's the end of the week, and I still have your watch, like I said I would.
Well, look at that! Impressive.
I never should have doubted you, Eddie.
We solved it! We found the missing watch! Wait.
If that's your watch, then whose watch is this? It's a new one.
I bought it.
I saw my watch lying in your room, and I thought you were being careless, so I took it to teach you a lesson.
[Alarm beeping.]
I shouldn't have That's my robot bird.
It isn't either of these watches.
[Beeping continues.]
Ma, why do you have my watch? But I'm your son.
Why are you messing with me? Mm.
Wait If Grandma has your watch and this is the watch you bought to replace it, then whose watch do Evan and Emery have? [Sighs.]
We bought it With our justice fund! We'd solved every case, and we didn't want to ruin our perfect record.
Looks like the real victim in all of this was the truth.
I'm too young for this crap.
Squatters? They won't leave.
I thought you said that I didn't know how to tell you I was wrong.
I got us into this situation, and now I don't know how to get out.
So, those checks you wrote us came out of your own account? Yes.
[Sighs.]
I'm surprised you were able to cash them.
I signed them "Montana Moorehead.
" I don't understand why you didn't just tell us the truth.
Because I'm supposed to be a visionary.
I'm supposed to be Oprah.
You invested your money in that house because of me, and it's been nothing but problems.
I convinced you to trust me, and I failed.
Did you know Oprah got fired? What? Early in her career, from a local news station in Baltimore.
Did she let that stop her? Did she give up? Did she take her lapel Mic and go home? No.
No.
That's right.
She didn't.
And neither will you.
So, this first investment property didn't work out.
So what? The next one will.
The important thing is that you keep going, and before you know it, you'll have a horse farm and your own book club.
Thank you, Honey.
Now I know Oprah can be Oprah because she has Gayle.
And Gayle can be Gayle because she has Oprah.
Sure.
Maybe.
No.
Yeah, that was too far.
I felt it.
Okay, so, I know we made a little less from the sale than expected, but at least the squatters are now the new owner's problem.
Here.
Take your share.
Or reinvest it.
Jessica, I don't know.
I just feel lucky not to have lost money.
Oh, okay.
That's fair.
Here.
Take your checks.
Or reinvest it.
What does Florida have more of than any other state? Alligators? Fuddruckers.
Condominiums.
Or, as I like to call them, condo-money-ums.
Well, now we have to do it.