Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s02e21 Episode Script

You'd have been a lot better off going straight to Corinth.
What? Oh, there's no need to worry, young man.
You can let me off anywhere that suits you.
- Sure I can't change your mind? - Please, I'll be fine.
- I wouldn't be so sure.
- Don't worry.
Hercules is here.
You have that on good authority, do you? I certainly do.
I'm his mother.
Thank you.
Aah, what do we have, here? Let's find out.
I I wonder.
Hercules? - Mother? - Alcmene? - Does this happen often? - Well - sometimes, it, uh, can't be avoided.
- Yeah, it keeps us young! Aah, speak for yourself.
I, uh, hope you didn't come all this way just because you're worried about me.
Ah, no, no, there's something I have to tell you.
Well! This really isn't the time! I'm sorry, Hercules, but it can't wait.
- I'm getting married.
- What? - You're getting married? - Yes.
Stay here.
I'll be right back.
- Let's get this over with.
- Yeah.
Mother, I'm a little confused, here.
It's just-- Here, thank you for for risking your lives for me.
Ah, no, no, no, here keep your money and use it to get your business going again.
You raised a very good boy, my dear, very noble and his friend, too.
- Where are you going? - You know, you two have to talk.
- Please - Come on, it's a mother-son-- - Get over here.
- OK.
So, uh, who's the lucky guy, Alcmene? - Yeah, who is he? - Jason.
- Jason who? - Jason.
Jason? This is the story of a time long ago.
A time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power-Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
I came looking for Hercules.
It wasn't anything more complicated than that.
As soon as we saw each other the fire between us was burning again.
What fire? I mean, you never mentioned Jason, before.
- He never mentioned you.
- The timing was always wrong, Hercules.
What timing, Mother? I mean, if you're seeing him you're seeing him.
- Am I right, Iolaus? - I guess it's gonna be 'Queen Alcmene' from now on, huh? Royalty doesn't interest me.
Living out my life with a good man does.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hercules, I do understand why you're upset.
I should have told you about Jason long ago.
- How long have you been seeing him? - Uh, since Jason brought the news that Amphitryon was dead.
- That long? - No woman had a better husband and I was faithful to him all the years he was off to war.
But later, uh, I needed someone to hold me.
- Does Iphicles know? - Uh, no.
- He's been really busy, and I-- - Mother, how could you-- I guess it's time we, uh, gotcha to Corinth, - so you can be with Jason, huh? - Yeah.
Please, your Highness, tell us more about Alcmene so my fellow regents and I will be better able to conduct a royal wedding.
Well, I'm surprised your spies haven't found out, already.
Alcmene is a widow.
She has two sons - Hercules and Iphicles.
- Hercules? So, she's the one who had the fling with Zeus.
Oh, not fair I apologize.
I do apologize.
But one thing does trouble me deeply.
You haven't mentioned the source of her royal blood.
She has none.
- She has none.
- A commoner? There's nothing common about the woman who owns my heart.
Truly a noble sentiment.
Bad news, I'm afraid, your Highness.
If you marry this forgive my using the word again this commoner you cannot reign as king.
- It's the law of the land.
- Let me see that.
Sad to say, you cannot have your wedding ceremony in the castle, either.
Such a pity.
You didn't read far enough, Patronius.
Oh yes, you're right about me losing my crown and the right to marry here but if I marry Alcmene before the next full moon, I don't have to worry about you seizing power and running Corinth into the ground.
- I can name my successor.
- Three days isn't very long.
Then the race is on.
Oh, look, there's Jason.
Look at him go! - Don't I know you from someplace? - You better! Well, looks like love agrees with you, Jason.
I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize it.
Iolaus! I guess Hercules hasn't decided if he wants to shake my hand.
- Uh, that much I can do.
- We need to talk.
Yes, we do.
Walk on ahead with Alcmene, would you, Iolaus? - Sure.
- What's bothering you? Jason, I mean, she's my mother.
I mean, you never breathed a word I mean, the two of you-- Oh, come on, Hercules, don't you know, a gentleman never tells? It is not that simple.
You are supposed to be my friend.
Well, exactly how should I have brought up the subject to you? Well, that's something you should have figured out.
Why don't we talk about this a later, when you're feeling a little less petulant.
'Petulant'? He's acting like he's my father, already.
Such glittering foolishness.
Who are you? How did you get in here? I go, where Hera commands.
Hera sent you.
Here an offering to the greatest goddess of them all.
Trinkets hold no more worth to Hera than a leaf in the wind.
Ah, but Jason and Alcmene's wedding that's something else provided it leads to the death of Hercules.
The legends say he's impossible to kill.
Fool! How dare you underestimate Hera's power? It was she who brought me back from the dead.
- You were dead? - Beheaded by Hercules himself.
Left to waste away in a pool of my own juices.
- Then I must serve you.
- Of course you must.
Ah, they're all so lovely.
How is anyone ever supposed to choose? Ah, well, I haven't the slightest idea, but I just got it into head to make my own dress.
- Special occasion? - Yes, I'm getting married.
It's you who's marrying King Jason, isn't it? Well, Alcmene, mother of Hercules.
It is an honor.
Oh, well, you're you're very kind.
- I'm Sera.
- Well, Sera, people get married every day.
Oh, not to royalty.
Um, excuse me, but everybody I talk to says, uh, your wedding can't be held in the castle because of some legal rubbish.
Don't worry about the wedding, my dear.
- We'll find a place for it.
- Oh, but I've got one for you.
I mean, if you like the gardens on the estate of my Uncle Procas, they're beautiful.
You and the king have to see it for yourselves.
- I'll mention it to Jason.
- Great.
I think the ivory would look best.
- Herc, you gotta get over this.
- It's easy for you to say.
It wasn't your mother and your hero who had an affair.
Uh, so what if they had an affair? They weren't betraying anybody and they certainly didn't plan it.
They could have told me.
That's all I'm saying.
Oh, like you told them all your secrets, right? - Yeah, right.
- Gotcha! OK, OK.
I know.
You know, maybe I'm asking more of Jason and my mother than I do of myself.
It's only because they both mean so much to me.
Aw, Hercules, I think-- - Uh, does this surprise us? - Not really.
Hey! You can't talk about Jason like that! And the most vicious of the brigands was dispatched by the noble Archivus.
He's at it again.
- Archivus! - Hercules! - Phoebe! - Iolaus! Ah, so you mind telling us what that was all about? Well, it's us, it's uh, Jason again.
He's, uh, well, only this time he's not drinking.
- Yeah, he's getting married! - Oh, we know to, uh, Hercules' mother.
- That's why we're here.
- Obviously, she's quite a woman.
See, this rabble that I have just vanquished-- - Hey! - Hey, hey, hey, says Jason is giving up his crown for her.
Yes, it's true.
I only wish I'd found a more graceful way to tell you before this.
Jason, Mother, I believe I owe you both an apology.
I just hope you can forgive me for being petulant.
- Of course we can.
- Of course.
But there is something else, Hercules.
I want you to take my place as the king of Corinth.
- I don't know what to say.
- You can say whatever you like.
You know you'll have our support.
Just do what your heart tells you, Hercules.
Hercules, you're not making this decision for me.
- You're making it for yourself.
- Yeah.
Um, Jason, I am honored.
But I can help more people, doing what I do now, than I ever could as a king.
So I guess that means no.
I'm sorry.
Oh, why be sorry? You're right.
Yeah.
But you still have to find a successor.
Oh, I think I'm capable of doing that and getting married at the same time.
Oh, better get those invitations out, Iolaus, before it's too late.
Through rain, sleet, or snow, I'm your man.
Every one of them has tasted blood.
Jermiad here actually stabbed a man, just to watch him die.
And all they care about is killing Hercules.
No meaner mercenaries exist unless Hera herself created them.
They'll do.
You make them sound like table scraps.
Let them accomplish their mission if they wish to earn praise.
They'll succeed.
And when Jason finds no successor nothing will stop them marching north with me to conquer Phlegra.
Where Iphicles, brother of Hercules, rules? Your ambition is admirable, Patronius.
Don't let it interfere with killing Hercules.
There's someone very special you have to find.
I think you should go find-- He's gonna be king? - Who? - Who? - Who? Oh, no, it wouldn't be fair if you knew before the man himself.
Now, go! All of you.
Bring back old friends who can share the joy with Alcmene and me.
I just hope my next choice doesn't turn me down.
- Taco, my friend? - Falafel? - No, I said, 'Taco'! - Uh, no thanks.
I'm in a hurry.
Iolaus? Dirce? Ha-ha, a little difficult to eat, but, uh, very tasty, right? Oh, they're very good! Wait a second.
You're eating this? - Don't.
- You see? You take a small tortilla you fold it like so you put in some ground rabbit, he-he-he-he-he, a little lettuce some hot sauce and presto a meal in a minute.
I haven't got time for this.
That's the beauty of these babies, they're so fast! Dirce, King Jason is marrying Alcmene, Hercules' mother.
The wedding is in Corinth tomorrow.
- Would ya like to go? - Like a date? Yeah.
Wedding? I cater weddings.
Best buffet dinner you ever ate.
Cake 8 feet tall minimum.
Ambrosia - Oh, you mean the food of the gods? - No, a salad with many marshmallows.
Dirce, we have to pick up someone on the way a very important guest.
Can you run? Come on! Hey, and take it easy on those marshmallows! What's he got against marshmallows? - Oh, Sera, it's lovely.
- Well, I'm happy you like it.
I do.
My uncle had the garden built on the cliff overlooking the sea.
- I can see the island.
- Yes, it's even prettier at night.
I was just thinking maybe we can have the ceremony right here, - at the bottom of the stairs.
- This is so pretty! It looks like something the gods always promise, but never deliver.
I hope that means you'll use it for your wedding.
Oh, I don't see how we couldn't.
Do you, Jason? Well, you're not giving me much chance to turn it down.
Oh, Hercules, beat some sense into him, will you? Hercules? You mean, he's Hercules? Oh, my god.
I can't believe it.
Hercules.
- See, he's - He's my son.
He's the son of a god.
Did ya know that? He's standing right here on my uncle's properties.
He's just a little bigger than I thought, but he's-- - Sera.
Sera? - Yes.
We'd like to take you up on your very kind offer.
That is such good news.
I'm very, very excited.
Everything'll be just right for the ceremony.
I promise you.
Uh, you know, Sera, I'm not doing anything.
- I could give you a hand.
- Oh, don't be silly! Just relax and enjoy yourself.
What? Mom, I mean, it's-- She's a lovely young woman, Hercules.
Yes, she is.
And it would be so nice to have you living close by for a change.
Are you saying what I think you're saying? I'm your mother.
I can't help myself.
Uh, I don't believe it.
You've got me marrying Sera and we just met.
Well, the two of you look so wonderful together.
Don't they, Jason.
Trouble.
Ah, behind you.
Thanks.
I owe you one.
Consider it my first wedding gift to you and Mother.
Where is she? I thought she was right behind us.
Mother! Mother! Mother! - Oh, if something happened to her-- - We'll find her, Jason.
Take that! Coward! Oh, god! No! Uh, Mother, what are you doing? I haven't had this much fun in years! I was so worried about you! Now you know how I felt when I was watching the two of you.
So I've gotta get back to Corinth.
I've gotta finish sewing my wedding dress.
Now I know who have you your fighting heart.
Here he is.
- Glad to see us? - I, well, yeah, of course.
I just didn't think you'd be here this early.
We always move fast when there's a royal wedding to attend.
- It's the least we can do for Dad.
- Yeah, well, how is King Thespius? Still learning for more grandchildren.
- Interested in helping out, yet? - This really isn't the time.
- That's not a 'No,' girls.
- Uh, you know? Salmoneus has been invited.
I understand you're all pretty friendly with him.
Yeah, but he drools too much.
My sisters and I prefer someone, friendlier, tidier.
Oh, Hercules, there's a very strange man in the kitchen.
- Excuse me.
- We're coming, too! Don't let him out of your sight.
- Oh, my friend! - Yeah, he's all right.
What a feast I am making! As long as there's no falafels or hot dogs.
But tacos, yes! - And ambrosia.
- Food of the gods? - Yes, but, with marshmallows.
- Marshmallows.
- You know him.
- Yeah.
- And - It's a long story.
We're the daughters of King Thespius.
I'm so glad we finally get to meet you, because we're dying to ask you about your son.
He's so shy around us, and we just can't understand why.
Is there anything you can suggest to bring him out of his shell? - Hey, Hercules! - Deric! I'm glad you could make it.
Well, did you bring Lyla and Kefor with you? No, no.
They're back home, waiting for my cousin, Phantes.
He promised he'd visit, and-- Hercules, I heard there was an ambush.
Is that true? I'm a fraid so, but Jason doesn't seem to think - there'll be any more trouble.
- I hope it won't spoil the wedding.
Oh, no.
Don't worry.
The wedding will go on as planned.
- That's a relief.
- Excuse me, but have we met? My name's Deric.
I'm an old friend of Hercules'.
Well, maybe you're mistaken, but, um, glad to meet you.
- This is Sera.
- Hope to see ya at the wedding, Deric.
I better get back out there.
I want everything to be perfect.
All right, see ya later.
- Sera.
- 'Have we met?' What will Lyla think if she heard that? Uh, no, no, I didn't mean it to sound like a pick-up line in a tavern.
It's just that I ahh, I guess my memory's playing tricks on me.
Well, I suppose the man who sent it meant well.
Hmm, just the same, I wouldn't wanna know what he does in his spare time.
Uh, lemme guess Salmoneus sent you a wedding present.
Oh, is that how you pronounce his name? I thought it was, 'Salmonella'.
Uh, elegant subdued, yet practical.
This would be him in a nutshell.
Yeah, his taste certainly is different, isn't it? - Wait till ya meet him.
- Oh, I don't believe we're going to.
His delivery girl said he was at Athens, closing a major deal.
Delivery girls.
Major deal? Uh, Salmoneus, what are you up to, now? A beautiful location, all right, for a funeral.
Well, I still don't understand how you're gonna make it happen.
I mean, we have no weapons, no warriors, no-- - We have Hera and Hera will provide.
- But how? And who? Is that good enough for you? - Hey, uh, run, before it kills us all! - Stop! You're not going anywhere.
All we have to do is wait until tomorrow and then we get to see the wedding of Alcmene turn into the death of Hercules.
Thank you.
Taco? Taco.
- H'ors d'oeuvres, my friend.
- You've got to be kidding me.
- Hi, Deric.
- Hey, Hercules.
That's great.
What a great idea you had-- Uh, ladies.
No, look, look.
Please, uh, don't you anything, better to do? Hercules, Echidna can't come.
She's pregnant.
- Again? - It's scary.
She's the mother of all monsters.
I'm gonna write about it.
Oh, good.
Well? Yeah, they're, uh, they're coming.
They're coming.
Hi, ladies! How are ya? See ya.
- Hercules! - Mica! Heliotrope! - Surprised to see us? - Uh, you could say that, yes.
Well, Falafel's agreed to teach us catering.
Falafel, that's-- Yeah, after we taught him 'Salmoneus shake'.
Well, that's very, very nice, ladies, but, if you can excuse me, I'm lookin' for someone.
Who isn't? Hi! Hercules, don't look so concerned.
Everything is ready.
I know, I know.
I'm just looking for a friend of mine.
He's supposed to be performing the ceremony.
Amphion, he's right over there.
- Amphion! - Hercules.
Iolaus, have you seen Iolaus? I'm really curious who this new king is supposed to be.
Relax.
Just let yourself be surprised.
- I know.
It's just-- - Everything will work out just fine.
There's no need to worry.
You know? Why don't you just-- Come on, everybody.
I'll lead ya to the wedding site.
- Come on.
- Oh, yeah.
Until Perfidia attacks Hercules, you are servants nothing else.
Then everybody save the son of Alcmene is yours for the killing.
Marvelous, simply marvelous.
Hera wouldn't stand for anything less.
Right over here.
- Have, uh, any of you seen Iolaus? - Uh, not since we left sorry.
- Hercules, it's time.
- Thank you, Amphion.
I know many of you have wondered who will succeed me as king.
To tell you the truth, I've wondered, myself.
But now, at last, there is an answer to our questions.
- Who is he? - He's my brother Iphicles.
- Surprised, Hercules? - Not at all.
Jason made a wise choice.
- Good to see you.
- Hmm, you, too.
- This is incredible! - This is great, but you could have told me.
Hey, what fun would that have been? No matter what misunderstandings we've had, I've always been proud to call you my son.
To think you'll succeed Jason as well pleases me beyond words.
Thank you.
Step forward, Iphicles.
May you rule with all the wisdom and humanity passed on to you by your mother.
I give you King Iphicles of Corinth! The slaughter at Biblos! I knew I'd seen her before.
Hercules The girl, she's a spy for Hera.
- Sera? - Jason, Alcmene We've come to the moment that brought us here, today-- Duck! Go! Jason! Your sword! Oh, my! The cake! I want to savor this.
No! Jason! - Hercules! - Jason! No, Hercules! - Uh, this isn't good.
- What are we gonna do? - We'll never get out! - You know, uh? I've been inside one of these, before! Yeah? Well, this is my first time.
Except this one's a lot bigger! Treacherous little witch! I wish that would bring back Hercules and Jason.
Think positive, Mother.
What has this thing been eating? Tacos.
You think it's bad in here? - What is that thing? - Does it matter?! Well, maybe I could go back this way.
- We could meet up in the lungs.
- No! No! - Meet me over here! - How? I think I've got a plan.
Come on, friend.
You wanna leg, huh? You wanna leg? You wanna leg? All right! Now, grab it! - Now what? - Swing across! - Are you crazy? - No! Swing across! Come on! Come on! Get me outta here! This is the right way.
- Jason? - Yeah? You sure know how to throw a wedding! That's what I was looking for the spinal column.
Hey! - Got any ideas? - Short-circuit it's nervous system.
This really isn't what my stomach needed.
Well, we won't be staying long.
Watch out! We must have hit a nerve.
I am not enjoying this! - Who's going to save you, now? - Aren't you supposed to be dead? - Hercules chopped your head off! - Hera didn't approve.
- Save me! - Save yourself! I never thought that wedding gift would be good for anything.
You can always count on Salmoneus! Hera, protect me.
Oh, I hope he stays dead this time.
Let's worry about Hercules and Jason instead.
I don't think he likes that very much! I'm not too crazy about it, myself! It worked.
Well, yeah, you sound like you're surprised.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Going up fast.
This way.
Now, what? Well, I, uh, wanna make sure my mother didn't marry somebody else.
Their devotion to each other has joined two families and created a bond which is sure to glow brightly into the future.
Jason, Alcmene, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Jason, you may kiss the bride.
Hercules! This is sensational! I didn't miss anything, did I? What? What? Was it my gift? Captioned by Grantman Brown