Justice League (2001) s02e21 Episode Script
Wild Cards (1)
[thinking.]
I'm receiving your directions And relaying them to my teammates.
Please be assured that we are doing Everything within our power To save your world.
[speaking alien language.]
You gave us the knowledge To construct the gravitation device And trusted the League to be your hands.
We will not fail you.
Status report, Flash.
Just keep beaming those instructions into my head, Jonn.
I should have this baby up and running right about Now! [speaking excitedly in alien language.]
The ice planet's orbit is stabilizing.
These two worlds will never collide now.
The Nomitians are sending us Their expressions of relief and gratitude.
Nice way to kick off a Christmas break.
I second that.
G.
L.
? You guys go ahead.
I'll catch up with you later.
I'll hitch a ride back with G.
L.
How about you, big guy? Any holiday plans? I'm afraid this season has no meaning for me.
Whoa.
Frosty.
We'll have to do something about that.
G.
L.
: Ya-hoo! You fly through space all the time, But sliding down a snowy hill makes you shriek like a child? Each winter, my grandmother would take me sledding in the park.
It was the best part of Christmas.
With all respect to your grandmother, I don't see what's so special about the snow.
That's clever.
How about this? It's a snow angel.
See my wings? Right.
Hey! What was that for? It's supposed to be fun.
Ok.
Let's have fun.
Whoa! Lady, you are asking for it.
Bring it on, snowman! Woman: He'll be here any minute, kids.
That jolly man in the red suit Is coming to pay his Christmas visit.
Ho ho ho! All right! Yay! You're the coolest! Merry Christmas, guys! Have you been good this year? Yes! Yes! Yes! You can bet they've been good When it means seeing their favorite hero.
Don't forget the present he brings.
Yeah! Yeah! You really don't have to do that.
Come on.
It's tradition.
What's it going to be this year, guys? A video game? Sports equipment? Well, there is something.
Name it.
It's on! It's on! It's on! It's on! All right! T.
V.
: It's D.
J.
Rubba Duckee! # I'm the Rubba Duckee with all the fly moves # # rockin' at his house # # with my tight grooves # go, Rubba, go, Rubba # go, Rubba Duckee [farting noises.]
Flash: Ha ha ha! That actually is pretty cool.
Ok.
D.
J.
Rubba Duckee it is.
Uh, you may not want to get their hopes up too high.
Every store's been sold out for weeks.
Please.
I made Gorilla Grodd cry uncle.
I'm sure Rubba Duckee will be no problem.
All right! Yay! [cheering.]
J'onn: This is a bad idea.
Superman: No way was I going to leave you alone In the Watchtower on Christmas eve.
Besides, Batman practically begged for monitor duty.
You'll love it.
Trust me.
Clark! Hi, ma.
Pa.
Merry Christmas.
Have you been eating, dear? You look thin.
Oh, ma.
Good to have you home again, son.
It's good to be back.
And I brought a friend.
Hello, Mr.
And Mrs.
Kent.
I hope I'm not intruding.
Super-- Uh, Clark was most insistent I join you for the holiday.
My name is Jonn.
I'm a Martian.
Oh, we're no strangers to aliens in this house.
You just make yourself at home.
That reminds me.
Where's Kara? Skiing with Barbara.
She'll be home for new year's.
As long as she's not here, you can have her room.
Superman: You should be nice and cozy here, Jonn.
Nice and cozy? How odd to hear you speak that way.
I've never seen this side of you, Clark.
That's why I like coming home for the holidays.
I can just relax and be myself.
Pa Kent: Ok, everybody! I'm turning on the Christmas tree! Pa, that's my job! [meowing.]
Kitty.
[hisses.]
[snarls.]
Hah! Hah! Aah! Oh! Oof! [rumbling.]
Aah! Uh-oh.
Unh! Ah! Ok, ok! I give! Unh! Feeling more festive? I don't know.
I still don't get this whole obsession with the holidays.
Although Back on Thanagar, we would celebrate After a successful battle.
I may never get home, but I have found one planet Where the people celebrated The same way.
Oh, yeah? Whereabouts? You wouldn't like it.
I have a day off And a fully charged power ring.
Try me.
Omega quadrant.
Third moon of Goltos.
[shouting.]
open up the door! My husband ordered the Rubba Duckee a month ago! Whoa.
Hey, Flash, Flash, you're just in time.
That creep's hoarding D.
J.
Rubba Duckees.
Go smack him up.
Honest, people, we're completely sold out! Come back after the holidays! This could take a little longer than I thought.
I take it back.
Grodd was never this much trouble.
[jolly old saint Nicholas playing.]
That's it! I'll go right to the source.
This is our very last Rubba Duckee, But since it is for the great hero Flash, We are happy to give it with our compliments.
I can't thank you enough, Mr.
Hama.
It'll mean so much to the kids.
[speaking japanese.]
You, too.
[laughter.]
This little guy was crazy for Christmas.
We used to wrap his presents in lead foil So he couldn't peek.
You mean, Santawrapped them.
Oh, of course, dear.
Ma Kent: Now, Jonn, Clark tells us you're on your own this year.
We don't allow anyone to visit for the holidays Without taking a present home with them.
But I brought no gift for you.
Nonsense.
Your company is the only present we need.
Our group at the community center Always knits a few extra gifts.
It's lovely.
I wasn't sure about the size.
I can grow into it.
You said this is where you go to relax? No, I said this is where I go to celebrate! [chattering in alien language.]
[loud music playing.]
Hi, guys! [cheering.]
Man: Oh, yeah! Here she is! Ha ha! Wow.
You think you know someone.
Hey! How's it going? Long time no see.
Looking good, Zill.
Up high! Yo, Fazz.
Is the plurb in this dive Still as bad as I remember? See for yourself, wings.
[belch.]
Ahh! Now, that's good plurb.
Try this.
It's great.
Pbbbt! [coughing.]
Delicious.
[sigh.]
Just one more thing would make this evening perfect.
[roar.]
[growling.]
What? [cracks knuckles.]
[roaring.]
[all shouting.]
Hah! [explosion.]
Wow.
Someone sure did a number on this place.
Ultra-Humanite: Actually, I hadn't even started.
[cocks gun.]
Do you believe The horrendous amount of public funding spent On this so-called art?! It's garbage, An affront to any decent human aesthetic! Ok.
I'll just take you back to prison, Where you won't have to look at the ugly old sculptures anymore.
Aah! Well, this looks to be a joyous yuletide after all.
Flash: Missed.
[click.]
What? Should have asked Santa for extra batteries.
[grunting.]
Unh! No! Unh! [Ultra-Humanite groaning.]
What a shame.
I broke your toy.
It was a present for some kids who really wanted it.
A paltry bit of plastic and crude electronics.
They'd have been better off with a book.
I suggest Voltaire.
Don't you remember what it's like To have your heart set on something And that awful feeling when you didn't get it? Yes.
And I usually have you and your teammates to blame for that.
I was talking about Christmas.
Oh, that garish, hollow charade.
Forced jollity on every lip, Insincere goodwill in every heart.
Tidings of comfort and joy indeed.
For a creep that claims to personify human advancement, I'd think you'd know what it means to pass along goodwill, Especially to kids who need some.
I'd like to think they'd grow up to pass that goodwill onto others.
A not unworthy aspiration.
[click.]
You can go ahead and use that thing, for all I care.
I couldn't feel any worse.
As you wish.
Unh! [groaning.]
You'll be happy to know, Flash, That your words, jejune though they were, Did not fall on deaf ears.
I appreciate the sentiment behind them And therefore call a truce In honor of the season.
Seriously? You'll have the toy to give to your young friends.
I'm improving it, too.
It's not going to blow up or anything? Flash, it is Christmas.
Ok.
But why did you hit me? You hit me first.
Hand me that screwdriver, will you? Lead.
Woman: And I got Ricky a skateboard, And for mom, I made her a shawl.
Man: Oh, they're going to love it.
Thanks for doing the shopping.
Sure.
Merry Christmas! [girl sighs.]
Girl, thinking: Dumb old Tommy.
There is too a Santa Claus.
I know he's real.
He has to be.
Just you wait.
He'll eat the cookies I left out, Like he does every year.
[thud.]
[gasp.]
[footsteps.]
J'onn: Mmm.
# it came upon a midnight clear # # that glorious song of old # # from angels bending near the Earth # # to touch their harps of gold # peace on Earth, goodwill to men # # from heaven's all gracious king # # the world in solemn stillness lay # # to hear the angels sing [all shouting.]
This is insane! Yeah! Isn't it great? Much better than a snowball fight.
[sarcastically.]
oh, much.
Aah! Unh! You ok? Don't let your guard down! [roaring.]
Oh! Oof! Ultra-Humanite: I won't wear it.
Flash: Oh, come on.
I'm wearing the beard.
You don't want to scare the kids, do you? The indignity.
Hey, kids! Santa Flash is back! Yeah! Flash! All right! Yeah! Yay! Along with my special helper, Freaky the snowman! Just give them the toy and take me to jail.
You sure it won't, you know [imitates explosion.]
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Ultra-Humanite's voice: Hello, children.
Come close, and I'll tell you a story.
Is that D.
J.
Rubba Duckee? He sounds weird.
Little Clara had just received A beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, The mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say? I kind of liked it when he made the poopy noise.
That night, as Clara slept beneath the Christmas tree, Her beloved toy came alive to lead her But this is good, too.
Haven't I seen enough of you for one night? I wanted to say thanks.
You really helped me out.
I did it for the children.
I welcome any opportunity to bring culture to the uncorrupted.
Sure.
But I thought you might like some holiday cheer yourself.
An aluminum Christmas tree? I know.
It's kind of cheesy, but-- No, no.
We had one just like it when I was It's very nice.
The guard will show you out.
Merry Christmas, John.
[Jonn singing in Martian language.]
And he said he didn't bring a gift.
I'm receiving your directions And relaying them to my teammates.
Please be assured that we are doing Everything within our power To save your world.
[speaking alien language.]
You gave us the knowledge To construct the gravitation device And trusted the League to be your hands.
We will not fail you.
Status report, Flash.
Just keep beaming those instructions into my head, Jonn.
I should have this baby up and running right about Now! [speaking excitedly in alien language.]
The ice planet's orbit is stabilizing.
These two worlds will never collide now.
The Nomitians are sending us Their expressions of relief and gratitude.
Nice way to kick off a Christmas break.
I second that.
G.
L.
? You guys go ahead.
I'll catch up with you later.
I'll hitch a ride back with G.
L.
How about you, big guy? Any holiday plans? I'm afraid this season has no meaning for me.
Whoa.
Frosty.
We'll have to do something about that.
G.
L.
: Ya-hoo! You fly through space all the time, But sliding down a snowy hill makes you shriek like a child? Each winter, my grandmother would take me sledding in the park.
It was the best part of Christmas.
With all respect to your grandmother, I don't see what's so special about the snow.
That's clever.
How about this? It's a snow angel.
See my wings? Right.
Hey! What was that for? It's supposed to be fun.
Ok.
Let's have fun.
Whoa! Lady, you are asking for it.
Bring it on, snowman! Woman: He'll be here any minute, kids.
That jolly man in the red suit Is coming to pay his Christmas visit.
Ho ho ho! All right! Yay! You're the coolest! Merry Christmas, guys! Have you been good this year? Yes! Yes! Yes! You can bet they've been good When it means seeing their favorite hero.
Don't forget the present he brings.
Yeah! Yeah! You really don't have to do that.
Come on.
It's tradition.
What's it going to be this year, guys? A video game? Sports equipment? Well, there is something.
Name it.
It's on! It's on! It's on! It's on! All right! T.
V.
: It's D.
J.
Rubba Duckee! # I'm the Rubba Duckee with all the fly moves # # rockin' at his house # # with my tight grooves # go, Rubba, go, Rubba # go, Rubba Duckee [farting noises.]
Flash: Ha ha ha! That actually is pretty cool.
Ok.
D.
J.
Rubba Duckee it is.
Uh, you may not want to get their hopes up too high.
Every store's been sold out for weeks.
Please.
I made Gorilla Grodd cry uncle.
I'm sure Rubba Duckee will be no problem.
All right! Yay! [cheering.]
J'onn: This is a bad idea.
Superman: No way was I going to leave you alone In the Watchtower on Christmas eve.
Besides, Batman practically begged for monitor duty.
You'll love it.
Trust me.
Clark! Hi, ma.
Pa.
Merry Christmas.
Have you been eating, dear? You look thin.
Oh, ma.
Good to have you home again, son.
It's good to be back.
And I brought a friend.
Hello, Mr.
And Mrs.
Kent.
I hope I'm not intruding.
Super-- Uh, Clark was most insistent I join you for the holiday.
My name is Jonn.
I'm a Martian.
Oh, we're no strangers to aliens in this house.
You just make yourself at home.
That reminds me.
Where's Kara? Skiing with Barbara.
She'll be home for new year's.
As long as she's not here, you can have her room.
Superman: You should be nice and cozy here, Jonn.
Nice and cozy? How odd to hear you speak that way.
I've never seen this side of you, Clark.
That's why I like coming home for the holidays.
I can just relax and be myself.
Pa Kent: Ok, everybody! I'm turning on the Christmas tree! Pa, that's my job! [meowing.]
Kitty.
[hisses.]
[snarls.]
Hah! Hah! Aah! Oh! Oof! [rumbling.]
Aah! Uh-oh.
Unh! Ah! Ok, ok! I give! Unh! Feeling more festive? I don't know.
I still don't get this whole obsession with the holidays.
Although Back on Thanagar, we would celebrate After a successful battle.
I may never get home, but I have found one planet Where the people celebrated The same way.
Oh, yeah? Whereabouts? You wouldn't like it.
I have a day off And a fully charged power ring.
Try me.
Omega quadrant.
Third moon of Goltos.
[shouting.]
open up the door! My husband ordered the Rubba Duckee a month ago! Whoa.
Hey, Flash, Flash, you're just in time.
That creep's hoarding D.
J.
Rubba Duckees.
Go smack him up.
Honest, people, we're completely sold out! Come back after the holidays! This could take a little longer than I thought.
I take it back.
Grodd was never this much trouble.
[jolly old saint Nicholas playing.]
That's it! I'll go right to the source.
This is our very last Rubba Duckee, But since it is for the great hero Flash, We are happy to give it with our compliments.
I can't thank you enough, Mr.
Hama.
It'll mean so much to the kids.
[speaking japanese.]
You, too.
[laughter.]
This little guy was crazy for Christmas.
We used to wrap his presents in lead foil So he couldn't peek.
You mean, Santawrapped them.
Oh, of course, dear.
Ma Kent: Now, Jonn, Clark tells us you're on your own this year.
We don't allow anyone to visit for the holidays Without taking a present home with them.
But I brought no gift for you.
Nonsense.
Your company is the only present we need.
Our group at the community center Always knits a few extra gifts.
It's lovely.
I wasn't sure about the size.
I can grow into it.
You said this is where you go to relax? No, I said this is where I go to celebrate! [chattering in alien language.]
[loud music playing.]
Hi, guys! [cheering.]
Man: Oh, yeah! Here she is! Ha ha! Wow.
You think you know someone.
Hey! How's it going? Long time no see.
Looking good, Zill.
Up high! Yo, Fazz.
Is the plurb in this dive Still as bad as I remember? See for yourself, wings.
[belch.]
Ahh! Now, that's good plurb.
Try this.
It's great.
Pbbbt! [coughing.]
Delicious.
[sigh.]
Just one more thing would make this evening perfect.
[roar.]
[growling.]
What? [cracks knuckles.]
[roaring.]
[all shouting.]
Hah! [explosion.]
Wow.
Someone sure did a number on this place.
Ultra-Humanite: Actually, I hadn't even started.
[cocks gun.]
Do you believe The horrendous amount of public funding spent On this so-called art?! It's garbage, An affront to any decent human aesthetic! Ok.
I'll just take you back to prison, Where you won't have to look at the ugly old sculptures anymore.
Aah! Well, this looks to be a joyous yuletide after all.
Flash: Missed.
[click.]
What? Should have asked Santa for extra batteries.
[grunting.]
Unh! No! Unh! [Ultra-Humanite groaning.]
What a shame.
I broke your toy.
It was a present for some kids who really wanted it.
A paltry bit of plastic and crude electronics.
They'd have been better off with a book.
I suggest Voltaire.
Don't you remember what it's like To have your heart set on something And that awful feeling when you didn't get it? Yes.
And I usually have you and your teammates to blame for that.
I was talking about Christmas.
Oh, that garish, hollow charade.
Forced jollity on every lip, Insincere goodwill in every heart.
Tidings of comfort and joy indeed.
For a creep that claims to personify human advancement, I'd think you'd know what it means to pass along goodwill, Especially to kids who need some.
I'd like to think they'd grow up to pass that goodwill onto others.
A not unworthy aspiration.
[click.]
You can go ahead and use that thing, for all I care.
I couldn't feel any worse.
As you wish.
Unh! [groaning.]
You'll be happy to know, Flash, That your words, jejune though they were, Did not fall on deaf ears.
I appreciate the sentiment behind them And therefore call a truce In honor of the season.
Seriously? You'll have the toy to give to your young friends.
I'm improving it, too.
It's not going to blow up or anything? Flash, it is Christmas.
Ok.
But why did you hit me? You hit me first.
Hand me that screwdriver, will you? Lead.
Woman: And I got Ricky a skateboard, And for mom, I made her a shawl.
Man: Oh, they're going to love it.
Thanks for doing the shopping.
Sure.
Merry Christmas! [girl sighs.]
Girl, thinking: Dumb old Tommy.
There is too a Santa Claus.
I know he's real.
He has to be.
Just you wait.
He'll eat the cookies I left out, Like he does every year.
[thud.]
[gasp.]
[footsteps.]
J'onn: Mmm.
# it came upon a midnight clear # # that glorious song of old # # from angels bending near the Earth # # to touch their harps of gold # peace on Earth, goodwill to men # # from heaven's all gracious king # # the world in solemn stillness lay # # to hear the angels sing [all shouting.]
This is insane! Yeah! Isn't it great? Much better than a snowball fight.
[sarcastically.]
oh, much.
Aah! Unh! You ok? Don't let your guard down! [roaring.]
Oh! Oof! Ultra-Humanite: I won't wear it.
Flash: Oh, come on.
I'm wearing the beard.
You don't want to scare the kids, do you? The indignity.
Hey, kids! Santa Flash is back! Yeah! Flash! All right! Yeah! Yay! Along with my special helper, Freaky the snowman! Just give them the toy and take me to jail.
You sure it won't, you know [imitates explosion.]
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Ultra-Humanite's voice: Hello, children.
Come close, and I'll tell you a story.
Is that D.
J.
Rubba Duckee? He sounds weird.
Little Clara had just received A beautiful toy nutcracker from her godfather, The mysterious Herr Drosselmeyer Well? An improvement, wouldn't you say? I kind of liked it when he made the poopy noise.
That night, as Clara slept beneath the Christmas tree, Her beloved toy came alive to lead her But this is good, too.
Haven't I seen enough of you for one night? I wanted to say thanks.
You really helped me out.
I did it for the children.
I welcome any opportunity to bring culture to the uncorrupted.
Sure.
But I thought you might like some holiday cheer yourself.
An aluminum Christmas tree? I know.
It's kind of cheesy, but-- No, no.
We had one just like it when I was It's very nice.
The guard will show you out.
Merry Christmas, John.
[Jonn singing in Martian language.]
And he said he didn't bring a gift.