Kickin' It (2011) s02e21 Episode Script
Karate Games
That police helicopter's been flying pretty low.
That's because they know what I did.
What'd you do? I took some extra packets of hot sauce from Taco Town.
I an, two, sure.
Three, maybe, but four? What kind of sicko am I? It's not you, Jerry.
A prisoner busted out of the Seaford Correctional Facility.
They've been looking for him all morning.
That's a relief.
I'm gonna get some more hot sauce.
Guys guys guys.
You see that dude over there? He's wearing orange pants.
You know what that means? It means he's secure in who he is as a man.
I mean, orange after Labor Day? That's just bold.
No.
He means that's the escaped convict they're looking for.
I'm going to subtly let that helicopter know he's over there.
Hey, helicopter man! He's over there! Don't you dare move, Mister.
Don't you move! Aah! Okay.
The show's over.
Remain calm, people.
We got him.
You're lucky you didn't have to deal with me.
Because then you would have met Laverne and Shirley! - Ah! - Mommy! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Kickin' it with you.
Guys, we've been on the news all day.
They used surveillance footage from the Mall Security Camera.
I kicked butt, and looked good while doing it.
You know, Kim, in the interview with the reporter, you kind of made it sound like you took the guy down by yourself.
What makes you say that? Because you said, and I quote, "I took the guy down by myself".
You guys aren't the only ones on the news.
Yeah, on Spanish TV, they mentioned me, Eddie, and Milton.
They called us "Los tres gusanos sin espinas".
Wow.
What does that mean? Three spineless worms.
There they are.
Guys, look who's here.
I don't believe it, it's Dolph Gruber! I've seen all your movies.
You're the best action star ever.
Aw, you're too kind.
I saw you on the news last night.
What you do is incredible.
Hello spineless worms.
What brings you to our dojo? I want you two in my movie is what I'm wanting.
I'm directing what will be the greatest martial arts movie ever.
An epic battle for survival.
It's called "The Karate Games".
Do you lub it? Yes, I lub it.
But Dolph, we're not actors.
That's why you're perfect.
Actors are fake.
You are real.
You're fresh, you're gutsy, you have great hair.
- Thank you.
- I was talking to the boy.
Ha.
What do you say, Yak and Kam? I could be a star! Watch out Hollywood.
Here comes Yak and Kam.
We shoot the first scene right here.
This is your underground bunker.
Oh, cool.
It's good.
Your characters are enemies.
But you're brought together by the most powerful thing in the Universe.
A kiss.
Oh.
Oh.
Being seen on the news hiding behind an old woman is so embarrassing.
Tell me about it.
On my way to school, all I heard was "scaredy pants, scaredy pants".
I finally said to my father, "stop the car.
I'd rather walk".
Yo, what's this? It's a gift from Mayor Batty.
"The city of Seaford thanks you for your act of bravery and valor".
Oh, dude! That thing is awesome! I've always wanted one.
What is it? It's a Punchmaster Elite.
The newest karate trainer.
They don't even sell these in stores yet.
Dude.
With this thing we're gonna become fearless fighting machines.
Man up and punch me! Uh I don't like that man.
Can you change him? That was a biker.
There's Prison Guard, Drill Sergeant Ooh, this might be a good one for us.
English nanny.
Be a love.
Give mumzee a punch? All right.
I got this.
I said hit me! Turn it back to biker.
Back to biker! And Action.
But I hate you.
You're from Zone 5.
You vaporized my father.
I had to vaporize him.
He was implanted with the evil egg and smelled of elderberries.
So by killing him, that means you saved Me? No.
I saved Us.
Uh, did someone say cut? Yeah, I heard a cut.
Someone definitely said cut.
Perfect.
Bring in the stunt lips for the close-up.
Right, and Lips and action! Yeah, that's right, huh? Good.
Now I need more passion.
I need more passion! What, are you kissing your grandmother? Come on, put your back into it.
Yes yes! Yeah! Genius! Why are you wearing those night vision goggles? Phil's too cheap to replace the light in his bathroom, and I'm tired of losing that guessing game.
With Jack and Kim out of town, shouldn't you guys be hiding behind some old ladies? Listen, Frank.
You don't want to mess with us anymore, okay? Yeah, we've been working out in a whole new way.
Our dojo is now the proud owner of a Punchmaster Elite.
You hear that guys? Looks like we're gonna get ourselves a Punchmaster Elite.
You are going to love it! It's not just a teaching aid, it's a way of life Oh, you're taking ours, aren't you? Have it ready for pickup at 6:30.
Hey, I was walking around the lot and I got turned around.
All right, we're on.
Hi everybody, I'm Wink Palmdale.
It's time to meet our next contestant on Box That Head! No no.
I'm not a contestant.
Remember, you're playing for $50,000.
Let's box this head! In this scene, you climb the ladder out the bunker and emerge in the Hollywood forest.
That's where the real action begins.
Uh, actually Dolph, if I may.
My character's the best hunter from Zone 9, so I should probably go first.
- Yeah, okay.
Do that.
- Uh, actually.
Since my character's the strongest fighter, you should probably be following me.
- He makes a good point.
- I follow no man! - But I'm Malakai, son of - Oh, you want to talk about greatness?! Will someone please get up the gunterschlagladder? All right, so what do we do now? Where is everybody? Yeah.
Hey, Dolph? What are we supposed to do now? You never gave us a script for this scene.
Because there isn't one.
Everything from this point forward is real.
See, you're not acting in this movie.
You are living in it.
What are you saying? I'm saying Welcome to clown burger.
May I have your order, please? That wasn't me.
Whoever's on this channel, could you please switch? I'm trying to make a movie here! What I'm saying, Yak and Kam Is I'll be filming your fight to the very end.
Fighting? Against who? The fiercest warriors who ever walked the Earth.
Let The Karate Games begin! He's kidding, right? No, I don't think he is.
- Are you ready? - Do I have a choice? You must fight to survive.
You don't have a choice.
Kim? Kim? Jack! Kim?! Jack! Okay, the Dragons are gonna be here in two hours.
- Remember the plan.
- Right.
I'll get the suitcases.
I'll get the train tickets.
We can be in Arizona by sunset.
Guys, wait.
We can't do this anymore.
When Frank gets here, he may rip off our eyebrows Yeah, and? Oh, no.
I'm just saying that's probably what he's gonna do.
Jerry's right.
It's time to stand up for ourselves.
I can't go home without eyebrows.
I'm sorry, guys, but I'm out.
Dude Will I still be handsome without eyebrows? What do you need to hear, buddy? Okay, Rudy.
One of these boxes will be placed on your head for 10 seconds.
Two of these boxes contain pleasant things, and one, not so pleasant.
Survive four rounds of boxes, and you're one question away from $50,000.
Which box is it gonna be? Box two, because I really want "to" win.
Box one Nothing but rose petals.
Box three, it's just a couple of cotton balls.
That would have been nice.
Box two Oh! 15 angry snapping turtles.
Wait, what? This is going "to" hurt.
Give it to me, people.
Box That Head! It's got my nose! It's got my nose! Jack! - Kim, are you okay? - Yeah, but Jack, be careful.
I was hung here by Brazilian tree fighters.
What's a Brazilian tree fighter? That's a Brazilian tree fighter.
Whoa! I am really starting to hate this movie.
Jack, this is real.
I mean, we got lucky this time, but what if next time Hey, hey.
We're gonna be fine, okay? Kim, I won't let anything happen to you.
Oh, that's touching.
You kids are going to be big stars, if you survive.
And the only way you'll do that is if you make it to the Hollywood sign for my spectacular ending.
You're going to jail, you freak! I wouldn't worry about me.
I'd just start running to that sign.
And if you're looking for motivation, here it comes.
Get 'em, boys! There they are! After 'em! The Black Dragons want to come for the Punchmaster Elite? Let 'em come! - Jerry, switch on that zapper.
- Got you.
Oh, hey.
Come on in, Frank.
You're gonna pay for that.
Okay.
There's only two other ways into the dojo.
The vent, or the window in Rudy's office.
Time for operation air vent.
Aah! Oh! Hey, Frank! Aah! - Woo! - Yes! That's it.
You guys are history.
You guys are just sick! Aah! I just want to go home.
You came back! Yeah.
Whether we're worms or warriors, we stick together.
And we protect our dojo.
I guess we're pretty brave after all.
I said hit me! Box That Head! Rudy, you've survived snapping turtles Hot coals, and a venomous snake.
Now choose your final box.
Okay, uh I choose one.
Wait, no no no.
Two! Two! All the bad ones have been two.
They wouldn't do that again.
Two, Wink! I outsmarted you! Ha! Box one.
A couple of marshmallows.
Hmm.
Box three Warm towels fresh out of the dryer.
You know what that means? I do know what that means.
Box two is Swarming with Panamanian hornets.
Ooh! They're the mean ones.
Okay, if I just stay very still, maybe I won't disturb them.
Seems to be working.
Just a few more seconds.
How you doing in there, Rudy? And that's time! Congratulations, Rudy.
You survived the boxes, and now you're just one question away from $50,000.
And here it is.
In martial arts, which color represents the lowest belt? Mwuah! Oh, no I'm sorry.
We were looking for "white" not "mwuah".
- Mwuah! Mwuah! - Okay.
- Join us next week when we - It's mwuah! Box That Head! Mwuah! Mwuah! Mwuah! Mwuah! Whoa.
A little higher up here than I thought.
Now what? I don't know.
He said we'd survive if we made it to the sign.
All right, we're here, you crazy nut burger! Okay, it's over.
We dodged spears, escaped traps, beat tree fighters, and outran dogs And I'm pretty sure I used Poison Ivy as toilet paper.
Congratulations.
Ready for the big twist? Only one of you can be the star of this movie.
And that is the one who survives.
Survives what? Each other! Now fight! What? That's not gonna happen.
We're friends Kim, what are you doing? Don't fight me! Stop! Kim, think about what you're doing! I am.
I'm thinking about being a star.
- So long, Jack.
- No! Bravo, Kim.
Bravo.
You truly are a star.
I'm not just a star.
I'm also a great actress.
Let's not get crazy.
It's true.
I made you believe that we were actually fighting.
- Wait, you mean - That's right.
Yak is back.
Whoa! Wow.
I guess his movie ended a little bit differently than he thought it would.
Yeah.
Can you believe when we got here we were worried about who was gonna be the star? What do you mean "we"? You're right.
I'm sorry.
Look, Jack, I want you to know I think you're amazing.
Cut! I cut my leg and it really hurts! Um, you ready to get out of here? Let's go home.
Kickin' it with you! - Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- How you doing? Give me some.
- What's up, man? How was Hollywood? Oh, the Director turned out to be a maniac and we sent him to jail for the rest of his life.
Same old, same old.
Oh, dude! We're missing my favorite show! Oh.
Box That Head! What's "Box That Head"? Dude, this show is awesome.
Yeah, they get some idiot to believe that two of the boxes are safe, but they're not.
All three of them are full of painful things.
This show is a big practical joke? Yeah, it's a riot.
Oh! Where you going with with that Bo Staff? To see a man named Wink.
That's because they know what I did.
What'd you do? I took some extra packets of hot sauce from Taco Town.
I an, two, sure.
Three, maybe, but four? What kind of sicko am I? It's not you, Jerry.
A prisoner busted out of the Seaford Correctional Facility.
They've been looking for him all morning.
That's a relief.
I'm gonna get some more hot sauce.
Guys guys guys.
You see that dude over there? He's wearing orange pants.
You know what that means? It means he's secure in who he is as a man.
I mean, orange after Labor Day? That's just bold.
No.
He means that's the escaped convict they're looking for.
I'm going to subtly let that helicopter know he's over there.
Hey, helicopter man! He's over there! Don't you dare move, Mister.
Don't you move! Aah! Okay.
The show's over.
Remain calm, people.
We got him.
You're lucky you didn't have to deal with me.
Because then you would have met Laverne and Shirley! - Ah! - Mommy! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Kickin' it with you.
Guys, we've been on the news all day.
They used surveillance footage from the Mall Security Camera.
I kicked butt, and looked good while doing it.
You know, Kim, in the interview with the reporter, you kind of made it sound like you took the guy down by yourself.
What makes you say that? Because you said, and I quote, "I took the guy down by myself".
You guys aren't the only ones on the news.
Yeah, on Spanish TV, they mentioned me, Eddie, and Milton.
They called us "Los tres gusanos sin espinas".
Wow.
What does that mean? Three spineless worms.
There they are.
Guys, look who's here.
I don't believe it, it's Dolph Gruber! I've seen all your movies.
You're the best action star ever.
Aw, you're too kind.
I saw you on the news last night.
What you do is incredible.
Hello spineless worms.
What brings you to our dojo? I want you two in my movie is what I'm wanting.
I'm directing what will be the greatest martial arts movie ever.
An epic battle for survival.
It's called "The Karate Games".
Do you lub it? Yes, I lub it.
But Dolph, we're not actors.
That's why you're perfect.
Actors are fake.
You are real.
You're fresh, you're gutsy, you have great hair.
- Thank you.
- I was talking to the boy.
Ha.
What do you say, Yak and Kam? I could be a star! Watch out Hollywood.
Here comes Yak and Kam.
We shoot the first scene right here.
This is your underground bunker.
Oh, cool.
It's good.
Your characters are enemies.
But you're brought together by the most powerful thing in the Universe.
A kiss.
Oh.
Oh.
Being seen on the news hiding behind an old woman is so embarrassing.
Tell me about it.
On my way to school, all I heard was "scaredy pants, scaredy pants".
I finally said to my father, "stop the car.
I'd rather walk".
Yo, what's this? It's a gift from Mayor Batty.
"The city of Seaford thanks you for your act of bravery and valor".
Oh, dude! That thing is awesome! I've always wanted one.
What is it? It's a Punchmaster Elite.
The newest karate trainer.
They don't even sell these in stores yet.
Dude.
With this thing we're gonna become fearless fighting machines.
Man up and punch me! Uh I don't like that man.
Can you change him? That was a biker.
There's Prison Guard, Drill Sergeant Ooh, this might be a good one for us.
English nanny.
Be a love.
Give mumzee a punch? All right.
I got this.
I said hit me! Turn it back to biker.
Back to biker! And Action.
But I hate you.
You're from Zone 5.
You vaporized my father.
I had to vaporize him.
He was implanted with the evil egg and smelled of elderberries.
So by killing him, that means you saved Me? No.
I saved Us.
Uh, did someone say cut? Yeah, I heard a cut.
Someone definitely said cut.
Perfect.
Bring in the stunt lips for the close-up.
Right, and Lips and action! Yeah, that's right, huh? Good.
Now I need more passion.
I need more passion! What, are you kissing your grandmother? Come on, put your back into it.
Yes yes! Yeah! Genius! Why are you wearing those night vision goggles? Phil's too cheap to replace the light in his bathroom, and I'm tired of losing that guessing game.
With Jack and Kim out of town, shouldn't you guys be hiding behind some old ladies? Listen, Frank.
You don't want to mess with us anymore, okay? Yeah, we've been working out in a whole new way.
Our dojo is now the proud owner of a Punchmaster Elite.
You hear that guys? Looks like we're gonna get ourselves a Punchmaster Elite.
You are going to love it! It's not just a teaching aid, it's a way of life Oh, you're taking ours, aren't you? Have it ready for pickup at 6:30.
Hey, I was walking around the lot and I got turned around.
All right, we're on.
Hi everybody, I'm Wink Palmdale.
It's time to meet our next contestant on Box That Head! No no.
I'm not a contestant.
Remember, you're playing for $50,000.
Let's box this head! In this scene, you climb the ladder out the bunker and emerge in the Hollywood forest.
That's where the real action begins.
Uh, actually Dolph, if I may.
My character's the best hunter from Zone 9, so I should probably go first.
- Yeah, okay.
Do that.
- Uh, actually.
Since my character's the strongest fighter, you should probably be following me.
- He makes a good point.
- I follow no man! - But I'm Malakai, son of - Oh, you want to talk about greatness?! Will someone please get up the gunterschlagladder? All right, so what do we do now? Where is everybody? Yeah.
Hey, Dolph? What are we supposed to do now? You never gave us a script for this scene.
Because there isn't one.
Everything from this point forward is real.
See, you're not acting in this movie.
You are living in it.
What are you saying? I'm saying Welcome to clown burger.
May I have your order, please? That wasn't me.
Whoever's on this channel, could you please switch? I'm trying to make a movie here! What I'm saying, Yak and Kam Is I'll be filming your fight to the very end.
Fighting? Against who? The fiercest warriors who ever walked the Earth.
Let The Karate Games begin! He's kidding, right? No, I don't think he is.
- Are you ready? - Do I have a choice? You must fight to survive.
You don't have a choice.
Kim? Kim? Jack! Kim?! Jack! Okay, the Dragons are gonna be here in two hours.
- Remember the plan.
- Right.
I'll get the suitcases.
I'll get the train tickets.
We can be in Arizona by sunset.
Guys, wait.
We can't do this anymore.
When Frank gets here, he may rip off our eyebrows Yeah, and? Oh, no.
I'm just saying that's probably what he's gonna do.
Jerry's right.
It's time to stand up for ourselves.
I can't go home without eyebrows.
I'm sorry, guys, but I'm out.
Dude Will I still be handsome without eyebrows? What do you need to hear, buddy? Okay, Rudy.
One of these boxes will be placed on your head for 10 seconds.
Two of these boxes contain pleasant things, and one, not so pleasant.
Survive four rounds of boxes, and you're one question away from $50,000.
Which box is it gonna be? Box two, because I really want "to" win.
Box one Nothing but rose petals.
Box three, it's just a couple of cotton balls.
That would have been nice.
Box two Oh! 15 angry snapping turtles.
Wait, what? This is going "to" hurt.
Give it to me, people.
Box That Head! It's got my nose! It's got my nose! Jack! - Kim, are you okay? - Yeah, but Jack, be careful.
I was hung here by Brazilian tree fighters.
What's a Brazilian tree fighter? That's a Brazilian tree fighter.
Whoa! I am really starting to hate this movie.
Jack, this is real.
I mean, we got lucky this time, but what if next time Hey, hey.
We're gonna be fine, okay? Kim, I won't let anything happen to you.
Oh, that's touching.
You kids are going to be big stars, if you survive.
And the only way you'll do that is if you make it to the Hollywood sign for my spectacular ending.
You're going to jail, you freak! I wouldn't worry about me.
I'd just start running to that sign.
And if you're looking for motivation, here it comes.
Get 'em, boys! There they are! After 'em! The Black Dragons want to come for the Punchmaster Elite? Let 'em come! - Jerry, switch on that zapper.
- Got you.
Oh, hey.
Come on in, Frank.
You're gonna pay for that.
Okay.
There's only two other ways into the dojo.
The vent, or the window in Rudy's office.
Time for operation air vent.
Aah! Oh! Hey, Frank! Aah! - Woo! - Yes! That's it.
You guys are history.
You guys are just sick! Aah! I just want to go home.
You came back! Yeah.
Whether we're worms or warriors, we stick together.
And we protect our dojo.
I guess we're pretty brave after all.
I said hit me! Box That Head! Rudy, you've survived snapping turtles Hot coals, and a venomous snake.
Now choose your final box.
Okay, uh I choose one.
Wait, no no no.
Two! Two! All the bad ones have been two.
They wouldn't do that again.
Two, Wink! I outsmarted you! Ha! Box one.
A couple of marshmallows.
Hmm.
Box three Warm towels fresh out of the dryer.
You know what that means? I do know what that means.
Box two is Swarming with Panamanian hornets.
Ooh! They're the mean ones.
Okay, if I just stay very still, maybe I won't disturb them.
Seems to be working.
Just a few more seconds.
How you doing in there, Rudy? And that's time! Congratulations, Rudy.
You survived the boxes, and now you're just one question away from $50,000.
And here it is.
In martial arts, which color represents the lowest belt? Mwuah! Oh, no I'm sorry.
We were looking for "white" not "mwuah".
- Mwuah! Mwuah! - Okay.
- Join us next week when we - It's mwuah! Box That Head! Mwuah! Mwuah! Mwuah! Mwuah! Whoa.
A little higher up here than I thought.
Now what? I don't know.
He said we'd survive if we made it to the sign.
All right, we're here, you crazy nut burger! Okay, it's over.
We dodged spears, escaped traps, beat tree fighters, and outran dogs And I'm pretty sure I used Poison Ivy as toilet paper.
Congratulations.
Ready for the big twist? Only one of you can be the star of this movie.
And that is the one who survives.
Survives what? Each other! Now fight! What? That's not gonna happen.
We're friends Kim, what are you doing? Don't fight me! Stop! Kim, think about what you're doing! I am.
I'm thinking about being a star.
- So long, Jack.
- No! Bravo, Kim.
Bravo.
You truly are a star.
I'm not just a star.
I'm also a great actress.
Let's not get crazy.
It's true.
I made you believe that we were actually fighting.
- Wait, you mean - That's right.
Yak is back.
Whoa! Wow.
I guess his movie ended a little bit differently than he thought it would.
Yeah.
Can you believe when we got here we were worried about who was gonna be the star? What do you mean "we"? You're right.
I'm sorry.
Look, Jack, I want you to know I think you're amazing.
Cut! I cut my leg and it really hurts! Um, you ready to get out of here? Let's go home.
Kickin' it with you! - Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- How you doing? Give me some.
- What's up, man? How was Hollywood? Oh, the Director turned out to be a maniac and we sent him to jail for the rest of his life.
Same old, same old.
Oh, dude! We're missing my favorite show! Oh.
Box That Head! What's "Box That Head"? Dude, this show is awesome.
Yeah, they get some idiot to believe that two of the boxes are safe, but they're not.
All three of them are full of painful things.
This show is a big practical joke? Yeah, it's a riot.
Oh! Where you going with with that Bo Staff? To see a man named Wink.