Wizards of Waverly Place s02e21 Episode Script

Oh my gosh, that was so much fun.
I love silent movies.
Although it wasn't very silent with Alex talking the whole time.
Uh, silent movies are the worst.
It's not that hard to go back and put some voices in the movie.
I mean, people do it all the time on the Internet.
The other day, I saw Big Bird doing a Kanye West song.
Justin, don't listen to her.
She could never appreciate the subtle nuances of Laurel and Hardy.
Oh, how about when they were pushing that piano up the stairs? You knew it was coming down, but you just didn't know when.
Genius.
No, it was two idiots moving something they should have paid someone else to move for them.
It's like that time you and Dad tried to push the dishwasher up the fire escape.
We had to buy a new fire escape and a new dishwasher.
She's just jealous.
She doesn't think it's a movie unless there's a car crash every five minutes.
Hey, Car Crash Every Five Minutes was a great movie.
Yeah, you knew the car was going to crash, and you knew exactly when.
Genius.
That's a good one.
Oh, Harper, the silent movie festival runs all week.
We should go catch another film.
That's a great idea.
Wait, you guys are going to the movies without me? You obviously don't like silent movies and we're really into them.
We should go see one of the Charlie Chaplin comedies tomorrow.
Oh, that sounds great.
How can you call them comedies if you can't hear the joke? You don't need dialogue for a comedy to be funny.
Oh, really? Well then let's see about that.
I rest my case.
* Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze * * That the end will no doubt justify the means * * You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease * * Yes, please * * But you might find out it'll go to your head * * When you write a report on a book you never read * * With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed * * That's what I said * * Everything is not what it seems * * You can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams * * You might run into trouble if you go to extremes * * Because everything is not what it seems * * Everything is not what it seems * * When you can have what you want by the simplest of means * * Be careful not to mess with the balance of things * * Because everything is not * * What it seems * You made this sandwich with mayo on it.
Come on, Jerry, you're making me look bad out there.
I wrote down, no mayo.
Well this says, plus mayo.
That's an X .
X means no mayo.
Why don't you just write no mayo? Can't bring in a Navy code cracker every time you turn in an order.
Just fix the sandwich.
This is New York.
People want stuff fast.
If you were a superhero your name would be Super Slow Sandwich Making Guy.
" And you'd be my sidekick.
Wonder How She Ever Became A Waitress Woman.
You don't quite understand what I do back here.
There's a lot more to it than just making sandwiches.
I have to get the supplies, do all the prep work, make the orders and deal with a wisecracking waitress.
Oh, I would love to see you do my job dealing with customers for a day.
There's a reason you're back here Jerry.
People don't like sweaty waiters.
There, I said it! Hey, why don't you guys just switch jobs? That way you can see how hard it is to do the other person's work.
Oh.
Well, I don't know.
Your mom's job seems pretty tough.
I mean, you have to write down what people want.
And then later, you have to bring it to them.
I can totally do your job! And I can smile.
They won't be used to that.
Oh, bring it on.
I'll sit back here where no one can see me and stuff a bunch of meat into slices of bread.
But I'll get it right.
Stuffing? This is an art.
They don't just give these Sandwich University diplomas away to just anybody.
I made you that for Father's Day.
I still earned it.
Hey Alex, the movie was so good.
Awesome.
Matching t-shirts? Oh, are they having a field trip at school today? Don't worry.
You won't get lost.
They're prizes.
We knew the most Chaplin trivia.
Jealous? Yes.
I'm jealous of other people, because they're not a part of this conversation.
- She's jealous.
- Uh-huh.
Harper, don't forget about the Lon Chaney silent movie tomorrow.
We can't miss that.
I'll make us shirts that say we like our festivals silent.
Oh I'm gonna go.
No, Harper.
Forget about the stupid movie with Justin.
Let's go to the bowling alley and rent shoes just to eat pizza.
And then when the guy behind the counter threatens to call the cops, we'll say "Do it, cause we'd like to get a ticket for wearing bowling shoes.
" I can't.
Tonight's the night my mom and dad and I pick out a kitten.
Now that things are great at home, Doctor Paul says it's safe for animals.
Sorry.
I don't want you dating Harper.
It could upset the delicate balance of who I can pit against whom in my life.
I'm not dating Harper.
Oh, come on.
You make plans.
You go to the movies.
She walks you home.
That's a date.
Wait a second.
I know what you're doing.
It's a scare tactic to get me to stop hanging out with Harper.
Oh, really? Because one time when you were napping on the couch, she stared at you for an hour.
What? You let her stare You know, it's not working.
Harper and I just like the same movies.
And she's kinda fun now that she's not acting like some freak who has a crazy crush on me.
OK, but that freak is living right under the surface so stop dating her.
We're not dating! But, you know what? It looks like it bugs you, so hey, why don't we call it a date.
With a capital "D.
" Oh! Yeah, I just found out in Career Class that you only need to go to school 40 hours to become a pilot.
I totally have that kinda time.
Dude, you've never even been in a plane.
They're not gonna let you fly one.
You were 40 hours away from me asking you to be my co-pilot.
Oh, Harper, there's a lecture tonight by the guy who helped Buster Keaton do his own stunts.
Wow, so a billion year old guy is going to talk about falling? Why don't you just go hang out with Grandpa? Oh, Justin, don't listen to her.
Count me in.
OK.
Can't wait.
So where's Justin taking you to dinner before the movie? He didn't say anything about dinner.
Well, yeah.
No, I know.
But I mean, you've been out a few times.
Dinner and a movie, it's kinda what people do when they're on a date.
Date? Oh my gosh.
You're right.
I am dating Justin.
I never thought it would happen like this.
By accident.
Oh, hey Justin.
How ya doing? Have you ever noticed, that you and silent film star Rudolph Valentino have a lot in common? You're both half-Italian, you both worked in a restaurant.
Although you're not a dancer.
But if you were a dancer, I'd come to one of your shows.
Are you having a show? Cause I would go.
Would I make you nervous if I sat up front? I hope it's Grease.
Cause I love Rizzo and I hate Sandy.
Nice going, Alex.
I know you did something to Harper to make her act all "Creepy Harper" again.
Hey, everything's back to the way it should be.
I'm her best friend.
She weirds you out.
You're mad at me.
And she watches you sleep.
Everybody's happy.
No.
I liked hanging out with a girl that's just a friend.
Relax, you still have Mom.
The point is you sabotaged our friendship just because you didn't want me hanging out with her.
It was a nice break from my other friends where most of our conversations are about "Actroid the Japanese Fembot.
" Here's your Number Four with no tomatoes.
Whoa.
What did you do? Stuff the whole cow in here? Excuse me for putting a little meat in the sandwiches instead of just rubbing it on the bread.
Now, where do these go? Dad, didn't you write down the table number on the order? That would help.
Look, Max, can you figure out who ordered these? Dad, I don't want to get in the middle of your competition with Mom.
I understand, son.
But for five dollars you will, right? I do need money for flight school.
Uh, OK.
Mom.
I need a Brooklyn Bridge.
OK.
What's in that? Two pastrami sandwiches connected by a hot dog.
Who orders that? The guy that started out with dessert.
Max, listen, you've got to help me.
I don't know how your dad keeps track of all of this.
Listen, Mom, I like you, I really do.
But this is between you and Dad.
I don't want to get involved.
All right, I understand, Max.
But, I could get involved for the right price.
Oh, really? OK, here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa Mom.
Don't make it so obvious.
Oh.
Look, someone must have dropped a five dollar bill on the floor.
OK, now help me! I messed up on all of these sandwiches.
All right, when you mess up on a sandwich here's the sponge Dad uses to clean the condiments off the bread.
He calls it "The Eraser.
" Thank you.
Oh.
I think you know a better way to thank me.
Just fix those sandwiches.
OK.
Harper, what are you doing out here? Why don't you just go in? I am never going in there ever again.
Justin cancelled on the Buster Keaton lecture, and then when I tried to make other plans, he said he w busy for the rest of the year.
Harper, you'll get over it.
Let's go inside and I'll make you some hot chocolate.
Hey, wait a second.
You're being awfully nonchalant about all this.
What are you talking about? I'm being totally "chalant.
" Did you say something to Justin? Did you tell him about tt one time I watched him sleep? You did, didn't you? That could be misconstrued as creepy.
C'mon, Harper.
We're back to normal.
Back to normal's good.
Alex, you're a pretty controlling person and I put up with it because you're my best friend.
But you knew how I felt about Justin and you couldn't just be okay with it.
What kind of best friend does this stuff? Okay, maybe I didn't think it all the way through, but you know what I was going for.
You know what? I don't need an answer.
This is the kind of question you hear now, and think about later when I leave in a huff.
Which is now.
So you are going to think about it, right? I Mom, I need to talk to you.
Oh, can it wait, Alex? I'm finally getting caught up on these orders.
Aren't you the one who always says, "I always have time for you and whatever problems you're having?" That is you, right? Mother.
What is it, sweetie? Two people very close to me are having a problem, and I tried to fix it, but I might have made it worse for everybody, especially me.
Well, if you truly care about them you'll need to put their feelings above yours.
Do you know where Dad is? Let me finish.
Get them in a room together and don't let them leave until they work it out.
All right, that's actually not a bad idea.
They'll be friends again, they won't be mad at me, and I don't have to apologize to anyone.
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, nice job pretending like you wanted to talk to me.
OK, sweetie.
I'm here.
What do you want? I wanted to talk to you about this whole mess.
Here, grab a soda.
I'm gonna take out the garbage.
What do you want, Alex? I don't have time for anything.
Ah! Justin! You're not supposed to be here! It's my house.
You're not supposed to be here.
Make your troubles no more, go in through the out door.
Why are you here?! Oh, I have to go.
Harper.
Um! Whoa! What's going on? I don't watch you when you sleep.
Bye! Stop following me.
Hang on, Harper.
Alex must have cast the "In Through the Out Door" spell.
We can't leave without coming right back in.
I should've known.
She said she was going to take the garbage out.
She never takes the garbage out.
Why would she do this? Because she's evil and probably wanted us to be friends again.
Well, she's not gonna get away with it.
Yeah.
We gotta get back at her for this.
- We should use magic.
- Yes! We can make her really tiny and chase her around with a vacuum.
My new kitty hates that.
Or we could Whoa! That's You've obviously been learning about magic from Alex.
All magic isn't devious and manipulative.
Really? Then what's so great about being a wizard? Alex did the "In Through The Out Door" spell, right? But she probably wasn't smart enough to put a "spell lock" on it.
Alex always wrecks it.
Make this door an exit.
We're free.
We gotta get back at her with something that we know she hates.
Something Something bad.
Silent movies! Or books! Yeah! She hates books.
We can just get a bunch of books and throw them at her.
Ooh, hardcover.
Payback time.
Yes, it is.
Alex, you're about to star in your own silent film.
Take away color and sound, this is where revenge is found.
That was awful.
I'm gonna go lie down.
I'm exhausted from all that running and overacting.
Listen, Harper.
I had a good time at the silent movie festival with you.
And just because the festival is over, it doesn't mean you and I can't You know, go catch a flick once in awhile.
Oh, Justin.
That'd be great.
There's a festival coming up in Florida.
I can ask my mom if we can borrow her car.
And even if she says no, I'm willing to go on the run with you despite the trouble it will bring me.
Whoa Harper.
Right.
I'll try and control myself.
I'm probably more fun that way.
Little bit.
Dad, I can't help you this afternoon.
Because I quit.
What? Why? Are you in a play? No, look.
I just wanted to raise enough money so I can go to flight school, but they told me when I got down there, that it was gonna be 5,000 dollars.
So I bought this suit instead.
But you can't quit.
I need you.
Your mom is on the ropes.
She is gonna crack.
No, she's not.
I've been doing her job for her.
She paid me.
I should've known.
So, you've been paying Max to do your work for you? Ha ha! I win.
But Dad, you've also been paying me.
So you've been taking advantage of our son for your own benefit? What kind of irresponsible parent does that? Or lets him dress up like a doorman.
I'm a pilot.
You know, you guys need to realize that both of your jobs are hard.
OK? You should really appreciate each other more.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
I need to go practice my pilot talk.
Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin for take off.
Bing-bong.
What can I get for you?