Abbott Elementary (2021) s02e22 Episode Script

1
Thank you, sir. Sounds like
quite the opportunity.
I'll deliberate on the
objective and report back.
Okay. Okay, bye.
- Boy, you in the FBI?
- What?
No, I was just talking to my dad.
That's the way you talk to your dad?
Yes. Uh, he was asking me
to come up to Baltimore
to work at his landscaping company,
- but just for the summer.
- A likely story.
Probably planning on how to assassinate
another Black community leader.
COINTELPRO killed Teena Marie.
- Teena Marie was white.
- To you.
How would I even get into the FBI?
The same way you got
into the notoriously
hard-to-break-into landscaping
industry nepotism.
You want to work in landscaping?
Of course. I love nature.
I'm a master forager.
My specialty mushrooms.
I don't know how to leave
this conversation
Eddie Lawn and Care doesn't
even roll off the tongue.
Mr. Johnson and Eddie
Landscaping on the other hand?
Now, that's a company you can trust.
Okay, well, if I don't take the gig,
I'll be sure to put in
a good word for you.
Oh, see you, Gregory.
Goodbye, Mr. Johnson.
You know what?
I'm just realizing I don't
know your first name.
When you get home tonight,
look up in the sky.
It's written in the stars.
- He on one today.
- Okay.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
So what does a Gregory
pack for an overnight trip
to the Franklin Institute?
- We have a do-rag.
- Uh-huh.
- All 13 essential vitamins.
- Of course.
And night socks.
- Night socks?
- Yeah.
For after I take off my day socks.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Today's the big field trip
to the Franklin Institute,
which is my favorite museum
of science and technology.
- And it's a sleepover.
- Yes, our first sleepover.
Because neither of us has
ever done a sleepover before.
- With teachers.
- And the kids.
- Everyone.
- Everyone's going to be there.
There's going to be
a lot of people there.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Man, I'm happy Ava paired
us up as group buddies.
Now, don't ever leave us behind.
I need you to have my
back in case someone
casts an ancient spell and
the exhibits come to life.
I'm counting on those tiny
fists for very precise blows.
Wait. So you did watch
"Night at the Museum"?
Yeah.
I take all your
recommendations seriously.
I want to know why you like stuff.
- [CLANK]
- Uh-uh.
I don't like clanks in bags.
Clank-clank lead to the clink-clink.
Meet Edith Houghton
Named after the MLB's first female scout
for none other than the Phillies.
Can't sleep a wink without her.
[BAT CLANKS]
Dang, Barb.
Did you pack Gerald in there?
We worked too hard on this fundraiser
to get kicked out
because you want to get
freaky in Sir Isaac's Loft.
I have an extensive nighttime regimen
that will not be abandoned
because of an overnight
youth excursion.
Explaining why she hasn't aged
since before the Internet.
I know. What you got in there?
Did I hear the bell?
No.
- [BELL RINGS]
- Ha!
Lucky us. Two-bell day.
Huh.
Are we there yet?
Uh, well, the buses
aren't even here yet, so, no.
Okay.
Oh.
Hey, Maurice.
- Hey, Janine.
- Hey, Maurice.
Sorry for the surprise appearance.
We're just about to go on a field trip.
I did walk this way
assuming you'd be inside.
Yeah. I'm in there a lot.
[LAUGHS]
Oh. Look, I really wanted to apologize
for how things went down at Bone Town.
You ever notice how people
say they want to apologize
instead of just apologizing?
It's wild.
- Well, I'm sorry.
- It's all good.
Gregory told me not to pursue you,
and I did anyway, so I guess we're both
in our selfish eras.
Wait.
I'm not selfish.
- You are.
- I'm not.
Oh, hey, Mr. Eddie,
just a heads-up that this one
is a tricky sleeper.
He'll lay down, but that
is not the end of it.
You got to watch him.
He'll pretend to be asleep,
but he's not asleep.
He is not asleep!
- Are you listening?
- Huh?
Wait, wait, wait. So, for clarity, you
don't think you were being selfish?
No.
Oh, so it's normal
for you to invite a guy
to his favorite barbecue restaurant
just to break up with him
in front of his friend
who you kissed but didn't actually date?
I didn't think of it that way.
Yeah.
It stung a little bit,
but it's all good.
I, too, become selfish sometimes.
For example, I'm ghosting
this girl right now.
You know, she thinks I'm dead,
but this convo, it inspired
me to reach out to her,
send her a text.
I wouldn't want to hurt her.
I felt like I was making
a lot of progress this year,
but to find out that I hurt
someone who didn't deserve it,
without knowing, because I'm selfish
I never want to do that again.
Come on in. Go ahead.
- Okay, guys.
- Here we go.
Thanks.
Ariana, you're falling behind.
Come on. You got to keep up.
Mr. Eddie, my shoulders
don't work anymore.
Oh, no.
Okay, you want me to hold your
backpack for a little bit?
Okay. There we go.
Well, good thing I took
all those vitamins, right?
- [CHUCKLES]
- All right, guys.
Let's go see another exhibit. Come on.
There's a bunch of stuff here,
not just Ben Franklin.
Come on.
Don't be shy if you have questions.
Rail transportation transformed America,
and it could happen again today
if we invest in high-speed rail.
Amen, sister.
Yeah, if we harness today's technology,
trains could get to Washington, D. C.,
- in just half an hour.
- And, more importantly,
it could get out of Washington, D. C.
And back to Philadelphia in 30 minutes,
which is 29 minutes longer
than the ideal scenario.
[LAUGHS] Well, I don't know
that I would be in such a rush
to leave our nation's capital.
Yeah, you're forgetting that
Philadelphia was the capital first.
- Really?
- Yes.
Okay, yes. She You know that.
She knew that.
As did I. Yeah.
This is a museum, but
let's not live in the past.
Where are you from?
Uh, Westchester
- New York.
- Yeah. Unbelievable.
So youse people move here,
you don't learn the history,
and then you got the
nerve to work at a museum.
- [SCOFFS]
- Well, I'm a volunteer.
And you are worth every penny
they're paying you, sweetheart.
Okay. Let's see
Miss Schemmenti's neighborhood.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER,
ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
"The unbounded emptiness of space
is incomprehensible to the human mind."
Hmm. I don't know why they're
wasting time telling you
about what isn't out there.
You need to be worried about what is.
What are you saying?
There are at least 100 billion galaxies.
Do you think that Earth is the
only place hospitable to life
in 100 billion galaxies?
Are you saying aliens are real?
Of course they're real.
What I'm saying is, they
might already be here.
Ava, you're frightening the children.
I just want them to be prepared.
More than 80% of the ocean has
never been explored by humans.
Aliens might already be
here, drinking mai tais
and using the Indian Ocean
as a lazy river.
[HEART BEATING]
[GRUNTING]
Oh, hi.
Mr. Eddie taught me a train song.
Chugga chugga, chugga chugga,
chugga chugga, free hugs! ♪
Oh!
Hey.
So you seem completely
unaffected by the cutest thing
I've ever taught a child.
- Are you good?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
So I talked to my dad earlier.
He wants me to come
up to Baltimore for the summer.
- Mm.
- It's only an hour away
- Mm. Mm.
- By train.
But I was thinking that maybe
I'd stay in Philly for the summer.
You know, if you had any thoughts
Oh, wow. Uh
- well, do you want to go?
- Maybe.
But I thought maybe we could
hang out some for the summer.
I know there's two or three
more "Night at the Museums"
we could watch.
You've seen one, you've
seen them all, you know.
Look, staying here could be cool,
but going to Baltimore sounds great.
See family, you know?
You should do whatever you want,
what whatever you want to do.
Hey, Jalen, let someone else
have a turn on the train.
Oh, God.
I'm tired, too.
Let's go. Lie down.
Here you go.
Help me. Grab the bottom end.
Oh.
Excuse me.
Are there any private quarters?
Uh, we've got kids by
the train and in the map room.
Ooh, the one place that's empty
is the galaxy room, although
it can feel kind of creepy
- in there at night.
- That's perfect. Thank you.
Hey, Barb. Don't listen to this clown.
She's not even from Philly.
Does that preclude me
from knowing the layout of the museum?
Probably.
What's the matter? You don't
want to sleep in here with us?
I do, but I need space
to calm my kids down.
My class and half the school
is traumatized
after hearing Ava Night Shyamalan.
That's the name she remembers?
Ooh, can't believe I snagged
a spot next to your group.
Hey, do you remember what to do
if I start having sleep paralysis?
Um, shake you till you wake up?
What? No, no. Gently cradle my head
Can we talk?
Hey, has Janine been acting different?
Uh, honestly, I haven't
seen her that much today.
Ava paired me with Morton,
so all of my energy
has gone into keeping my cool.
He better watch it.
You know, Night Jacob,
he's got that dog in him.
- Can we get back to Janine?
- Yes.
Um, what did what did she say
when you asked her what's wrong?
Uh
You didn't ask her? Sheesh.
It is no wonder your dad
is a landscaper,
the way you beat around the bush.
All right, calm down.
You know, sometimes I think you two
should just, like,
kiss and get it over with.
You need to be better about
hiding things with your face.
Sorry.
Deet me.
- It was PECSA weekend.
- Frickin' classic.
We got a little tipsy
in the living classroom.
We just got lost in the moment.
She and I drove home together.
She did not say a word
Treachery of the highest order.
Don't be mad at Janine
After we kissed,
we said we weren't
going to talk about it.
Okay, well, you have to know
that that is a very strange way
to handle that.
Maybe.
You two have done everything but tell
each other how you feel.
You you have to
tell her how you feel.
There's no real going
back after that, is there?
Nope.
But there might be a lot of
good stuff on the other side.
Bro hug?
Yeah.
Hey. I made an alien drawing for you.
What do you think?
Now, see, this is where they get you.
What if they're humanoids
that look just like us?
The only difference might be,
they're not used to our atmosphere.
So their only giveaway would
be a breathing apparatus?
Exactly.
So I don't get a thank-you
for putting you
next to your little boyfriend?
What are you talking about?
I made you class buddies with Gregory.
You can thank me after you
have your really short,
broad-shouldered babies.
That man built like the Longhorn logo.
Hey, he is not my boyfriend.
Ava, has anyone ever called you selfish?
All the time. My grandma
called me selfish this morning.
- Right.
- But I don't care.
I take care of myself.
And I see you doing it, too.
Going on your little vacation. [GIGGLES]
- Stealing money from your mama.
- That's not what happened.
Whatever.
But it looks good on you.
As long as you're not hurting
anybody, what's the problem?
Hey.
Uh, once the kids go to sleep,
you think we could talk?
Um
You know what? I think
it'd be better if I was over
by, you know, Barbara's class,
because she has this white-noise machine
that I was really trying to use.
I might get one of those.
So, um, everybody in my class, up.
Let's go, let's go.
We're going to go over to
sleep next to Mrs. Howard.
Grab your things.
Ah. Hey, Barbara.
We're just going to
scooch in next to y'all.
Scooching is an act best done silently.
Good night.
All right.
Scooch in, you guys. Shh, quietly.
[WHITE-NOISE MACHINE HISSING] Hmm.
Not what I thought a white-noise machine
would sound like.
[WHISPERING] All right, guys, quietly.
Lay down.
- So how'd it go?
- Great.
He hasn't moved in, like, 15 minutes.
- It's kind of creepy, actually.
- No, no.
- I'm talking about Janine.
- Oh.
Well, I asked if we
could talk and she moved
her kids to the other room,
so that's that, I guess.
Oh, yeah. That's that.
Yeah, you'll probably
never see her again.
- Relax.
- I'm relaxed, man.
You relax, okay?
Everybody I like knows it.
Zach and Diego Luna
have seen my tweets, so
Hey.
Hi.
[SIGHS] So this morning you
seemed really excited
to have our classes paired together.
And then you talked to Maurice,
and now things feel different.
Yeah. That wasn't about you.
Well, it sure seemed like it was.
Okay, look, Gregory,
don't worry about it.
Just forget it.
But I don't want to forget it.
- [SIGHS] Why not?
- Because I like you, Janine.
I have feelings for you, and
- [CHILDREN GRUNTING]
- Watch it!
[CPAP MACHINE HISSING]
Alien!
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
Where is it?
Let's do this.
- Did y'all see the alien?
- Yeah, we just want to talk.
Barbara is the alien.
Melissa, I would never
ask you to take Barbara out.
- Jacob, take the bat.
- Everybody, please calm down.
This whole hubbub started
because the kids saw this.
Barb!
You already killed the alien
by ripping off his mask?
She's a hero, y'all!
This is my CPAP machine.
I was recently diagnosed
with sleep apnea,
so I use a CPAP machine.
I'm obviously very particular
about how I present myself,
so I tried to hide it.
I was wearing this.
And because of Ava's antics,
the kids thought that I was an alien.
So it was just a misunderstanding.
[LAUGHS] What a relief!
And no one to blame, at that.
Y'all go ahead, round up the
kids so I can go to sleep.
If I don't get a smooth 11 hours,
I get a little handsy. [CHUCKLES]
[JANINE SCOFFS]
- You okay?
- Fine.
- Okay, a little embarrassed.
- Ah, don't be embarrassed.
You're aging with dignity.
Meanwhile, I got to pack
an extra pair of underwear
if I plan on laughing that day.
- [SNORTS] Come on. Come on.
- You know
Let's get the kids.
[CHILDREN YELLING]
[HEART BEATING]
- Hey.
- No kids in this ventricle.
None in this atrium, so
I like you, too
like, a lot.
I kind of knew that.
Whatever.
So for how long did you like me?
Like, how long?
Pretty much since the
first day I got to Abbott.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Me too. [BOTH SCOFF]
But I couldn't really
admit it, because
- Tariq. Yeah.
- Right.
So, if you liked me for that long,
then what was the whole Taylor thing?
You were in a multi-presidential-term
relationship when
Okay. But then I wasn't.
Are we really about to do this?
- And then Amber.
- Hey, she asked me out.
And you was giving me nothing.
Kissing you was giving you nothing?
You called it a whoops.
You could have said it wasn't a whoops.
Look, I didn't think it
was an accident or a mistake.
Besides, you started dating Maurice.
We were both all over the place.
But we're here
Now.
[SIGHS]
Look, talking to Mo,
it did change things.
But it didn't change
how I feel about you.
It changed how I feel about me.
What are you saying?
Gregory, I come
to school every day happy
because I get to see you
and have a friend like you,
and I cannot lose that friend.
But maybe I am selfish.
And if I need to be right now,
then I don't want to wind up
hurting you.
It's you.
And if we did this, then it would be
Something real.
Yeah.
I understand.
We should get back.
Yeah.
I'm still here, buddy.
Hey, how'd it go?
Bro hug?
All right.
Now, it's me.
Still me.
Besides, would an alien sound like
[VOCALIZES]
Absolutely.
Go to sleep.
- Ms. Schemmenti?
- Yeah, hon?
Thanks for telling me
about Guion Bluford.
I'm going to be an astronaut, too.
Yeah?
Maybe you'll be the first person
to eat a hoagie in space.
[CLEARS THROAT] I hate to admit it,
but I actually learned
some stuff from you.
I didn't know that America's
first hospital was in Philly.
Mm-hmm.
I guess I should step up
some of my local knowledge.
Have you ever thought
about volunteering?
Work for free?
[LAUGHS] Yeah, you're really
not from Philly, are you, hon?
[SIGHS] Got all yours?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I think I did the right thing.
I want to continue the path I'm on.
I actually think selfish
is good for me, for now.
And Gregory is great.
He's the greatest, actually.
I guess I'm not ready for him,
but that's okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
Really.
I'm happy I put it out there,
even if it didn't go how I wanted.
And, uh, Jacob was right.
[CHUCKLES] There's some
good stuff on the other side.
[SIGHS]
It's time to plant something new.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey.
You want to grab something to eat?
Maybe.
Is Jacob coming?
He is.
G-Man. Don't worry.
Every spot on my spreadsheet
of local restaurants
has something you love water.
[LAUGHS] Ah, yeah, let's go.
After-school crew is back, baby!
That All right.
Ava, I'm cashing in my time
off for the rest of the year
to go work with Gregory's dad
at the landscaping company
in Baltimore.
There's six more weeks of school left,
and you don't have any days banked.
You go fishing every other week.
That's because
I'm single-handedly trying
to control the
snakehead fish population.
I'll see you at work tomorrow.
No offense to your little
job here, but I got to do me.
Wait, what?
Hey!
Hey, come back here!
Oh, now you can walk fast. [DOOR CLOSES]