American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e22 Episode Script

1
H-a-l-e-y
I-o-n-g.
"You will succeed
at what you set out
to accomplish today."
Hee hee. We're all aware
of that, paper thingy.
Let's do Jake.
No, let's--
J-a-k-e
I-o-n-g.
"Today is love's
new dawn."
Good thing you
used extra hair gel
this morning.
She'll stick to you
long enough to see past
the obvious flaws.
Ok. You can put your stupid
fortune teller thing away now.
It's not stupid,
it's science.
Paper plus ink
plus girls' intuition
equals mystic truth.
[Cooing]
See? Love is in the air.
It's a sign.
It's a coincidence.
Man: Hey!
My kids love balloons!
Ok. 2 coincidences.
Now, come on.
Try not to be
such a smart--whoa!
Oh, man. I'm so sorry.
I didn't see--whoa!
No prob, dude.
Care for a sample
of colonel cupid's
cosmic caramel corn?
You'll fall in love
with the flavor!
Is there really something to
this girls' intuition stuff?
Huh?
Ok. I'll call
that a yes.
It's not like Rose is
coming back anytime soon.
She's got no memory of what
we used to have together.
Maybe fate's
telling me to move on,
find someone new.
I don't know
about fate, jakey,
but I do know
your timing is all
biscuits and gravy.
You could be
the first to sign up
for a little
something something
my co-president spud and
I are putting together.
"The first annual Fillmore
charity bachelor auction
"to support hungry puppies
and people who get sick
when they play video games
in a moving car"?
We couldn't agree which cause
was more worthy of support.
It's a bachelor
auction, jakey.
You just sign up and
the ladies will line up.
I guess maybe there's
no fighting it.
Hook me up
with a pen, spud.
Looks like fate says
it's a good day for love.
[Squawking]
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
People,
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny,
what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
American dragon ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
American dragon ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
American dragon ♪
[Drum roll]
[Orchestra playing]
It's the first annual Fillmore
charity bachelor auction ♪
To support hungry puppies
and people who get sick ♪
When they play video games
in a moving car ♪
Yeah, yeah. Real catchy.
Bring on the mens.
[Cheering]
[Music playing]
Y'all know the rules.
Because you'll get your guy
for one romantic week.
He'll carry
your books to class,
cook you
a candlelight dinner--
"save you from
the jealous clutches
"of the secretly evil
eye-patched twin,
"who faked
his own death,
to steal you way
during carnival season."
Yeah. All
my romantic research
comes from Brazilian
soap operas.
And at the end of the week,
every couple gets
a special invitation
for our black tie gala
at the Manhattan
medieval museum.
Or as I call it,
the mmmmm.
Come on! Let me hear
that bling jingle
jangle, ladies!
It's time
to get your bids on!
[Screaming]
$19? That's all
the love you got
for Mr. Nigel
thrall of the u.K.?
Speak me some British,
boyfriend.
[British accent]
I Am Nigel.
[All sigh]
19!
20!
21!
I got Frederick
for 4 bucks.
Going once,
going twice
Yes! See, mom! I told you
someone would want me.
Ahem. Uh, bro,
that was your mom.
I didn't think he'd
go for that much.
Another round
for Frederick's mom.
13.30!
7.75!
17.25 over there!
Sold for
a combined $52
to the entire
varsity cheer squad!
All: Yay, Fred!
Yeah!
[Applause]
Ok.
You ready, jakey?
There's still some cute ones
left out there, right?
Excuse me. I thought
you were letting fate
pick your new boo.
So, what if
that goes for a girl
with more heart
than hotness?
Ha. I think fate
knows what I like.
Uh! Well, come on in,
playa man. Let's--
Ok. I wasn't planning
on doing this,
but I can't deny
you ladies
my spudnificence
one moment longer!
Oh, somebody
call the cowboy,
because there
is about to be an
exit door stampede.
Shall we start
the bidding at, say,
50 big ones?
[Girl coughs
in background]
Going once,
going twice
Uh ok.
How about 50 dime-arinos?
50 nickel-idoos?
Did I mention we accept
Canadian money?
Why are you all
looking at me, eh?
That's a bid.
She bid. Sold!
Yeah. That was
totally a bid. Sold.
Oh, you are going
to most definitely pay
actually, you're
the one that has to--
Moving on!
Jake long, everybody!
What's up, ladies?
Bidding starts at $5.00.
$5.00!
6!
7!
$22!
Oh, and we're down
to 2 bidders, folks.
I've got $22 from swim team
captain Danika hunnicut.
Commander,
I pledge 23 credits
for the Jake head
humanoid.
And hanging right in there
is the captain of
the Sci-Fi trivia match,
Vicki fickling!
24!
25!
26!
27!
28!
Ruckus spleneen!
It's delorvean
for 29.
I--I've only got 28.
Looks like fate
knows a little more
than you do, huh?
$29. Going once,
going twice.
The real criminal
is principal hans rockwood!
[Gasps]
[Speaks German]
Please make this.
Ow!
I--i-i-i-i don't
know what he's--
Uh, yeah, people.
If it's a crime
to boogie,
then that man
is public enemy number fun!
[All talking at once]
Well, I do throw down
a mean shutflatler.
[Singing in German]
Uh, anyway, $29,
going once, going twice--
$33!
Girl: He's not that cute.
Will you accept
a sortrum orp?
33 going once,
going twice,
sold to the lovely
Danika hunnicut!
Ah!
Ohh.
Mmm.
The bradster's
worth every penny.
So, uh,
you and me, huh?
Now, how exactly is this
supposed to--whoa!
Excuse us a second,
miss backstroke.
I saw what you did!
You own Vicki fickling
a romantic week,
you cheap, shallow,
lowdown! You--ooh!
What? Fate's trying to hook me
up with a new boo.
That's obviously
Danika hunnicut.
Oh, really? Well, it
looked to me like fate
was sweet
on Vicki fickling
up in its grill. Do you
know how broken hearted
that girl must be?
Salutations,
celestial life forms.
I just wanted
to give my blessings
to the happy couple.
Mazel tov.
Rock huzzle ock ock.
And all that.
Ear drainage.
I get otitis externum
real bad.
Oh! Time for
a eary lifto.
Anyhoo, woodster.
Let me talk
to that lovely lady.
Oh, jakey,
you know nothing
about women.
She's obviously
covering the pain
in a mask of smiles
and alien mumbo jumbo.
What is it with you boys
never looking past
surface appearances?
Yeah. I got to spend
a week with Trixie.
You don't
hear me complaining.
That's right.
I got your back, girlfriend.
I'm looking forward
to our week together.
And you best believe
I'm going to get
my 50 nickels'
worth out of you.
[Grunting] I'm only supposed
to do romantic requests.
So put some Booty
shake in it, Romeo.
[Grunting]
[Chuckles]
Uh, trix, why are
you chuckling evilly?
So, tomorrow morning?
Sounds great.
So pretty pretty.
So--yahoo!
Yeah-ha!
I'm in love! I'm in love,
I'm in love, I'm in love!
[Horn honks]
Aah!
Jake!
Whoa!
What the heck
just happened?
I i don't know.
You're way
overreacting here.
Quiet! Put this
under tongue.
[Muffled chatter]
And then suddenly
you're playing
dodge bus?
I told you,
I just got excited.
It appears you
may be having siren
trouble, young dragon.
Mind-meltingly beautifious
babes from the sea.
And then they'll start using
their hypnotic mind powers,
into more and more
dangerous situations,
oh, that's
the end of you!
Time to move on
to her new man.
No, I wish I didn't
love them so much.
Well, I haven't
met any girls
so I think
your magical diagnosis
is a little--
Swim team captain,
jakey?
You don't think it's all
making Danika look
look, I heard music
and started acting a fool.
Isn't that what
it's supposed to be like
don't you people believe
in love at first sight?
Oh, at least
6 times a day. Ooh!
Then could you
just trust me?
I've got a good feeling
about this one.
Not as long
as he's doing
all his thinking
with his kissy face.
Heard that.
Maybe the kid's right.
But I'll see what I can find
on siren detection.
You and spud will keep
an eye on him then?
Actually, spud's kind
of busy right now.
Trixie! I think
there's a family
of raccoons here!
I'm going to name
the daddy bubbly mouth
but I think I know
somebody else who might
want to help me out.
So, what's
the big surprise?
Just something I like
to call robesky.
Romantic, athletic,
and funky.
You know me
so well already.
Must have
been fate, huh?
Clear out for the roller
derby practice!
This week, we lost to the
seventh Avenue valkery!
Dang! You want to go
get some ice cream
and come back later when
it's not so much trouble?
Gee, Jake, you always seem
like the kind of bad boy
who liked trouble.
Yeah. I like trouble.
Pretty, pretty trouble.
Aah!
Whoa!
Hey, ladies!
Let's roll!
Aah!
Uhh!
Huh-uhh!
Uhh-ahh!
[Grunting]
Wow. Are you ok?
I don't know
what happened to me.
I can't keep from showing
off sometimes, I guess.
Must be
a guy thing, huh?
Trixie:
Well, my goodness.
Look who else is at our
favorite skating rink,
friend Vicki
and serving boy spud.
Would it help
if I apologized
for implying
you're not attractive?
Mmm not really.
Grape.
Mmm!
Uh, what are you guys
doing here?
Fanning the flames
of fate, my friend.
Vicki, why don't
you show us your stuff
while spud runs laps and
does my algebra homework?
Aye-aye, sir.
Ah!
I'll go look
for a first aid station.
What is going on, Trixie?
I told you! You owe me,
and I'm going to make
sure she gets everything
you tried
to cheat her out of.
Dates, romance, gala
finale at the museum.
Who knows? Maybe she
really is the one fate
picked out for you.
That's just because
you're stuck on her
outward appearance.
I know she's not your
standard Princess doll,
but if you'll let
me show off her inner
beauty and talents
Ooba, ooba, ooba. Scree!
Al-la-la-la-la-la!
Uh, trix?
Thanks for the show.
But I'm still
going to pass.
Yo, girl, I thought
you said you danced
like an ice Princess.
That's exactly how Princess
kirana of the ice planet
jole thorpe prime
would do it.
He doesn't like me,
does he?
What?! Girl, don't be--
It's ok. Most people don't.
You get used to it.
[Buzzing]
See you around school.
Not that you have to
if you don't want to.
You wave first
so I'll know, ok?
Voila! Fresh
from mega's bazaar!
One standard issue
efm recorder.
Enchanted
frequency modulation.
Picks up all
the magical wavelengths.
If there really is siren
singing going on,
it'll record the proof.
I'll do it!
If that's ok with you,
beautiful goddess of--
Is talking going to
decheese my piggies?
No, ma'am.
Aah!
[Dong]
[Screaming]
[Yawning]
[High-pitched sound]
[Both gasp]
[High-pitched sound]
Well, what
do you think?
All: So pretty, pretty.
[All screaming]
Is that proof enough
for you, casa-no-brain?
Ok, that is definitely
some siren singing.
Well, thank you.
It's about time--
So, the question now is--
Who's trying
to frame my new lady?
What?!
You guys
don't know Danika
like I've gotten
to know her this week.
She can't be a siren.
I'd know it if she was.
I am sorry, Jake,
we will alert
the dragon council
for a formal investigation.
It's the last night of
the bachelor auction week!
We're supposed to go
to the medieval museum.
Look, I don't mean
to put you out
but maybe if you
hadn't been so shallow,
you would be going.
I like the pretty girl
better than a super freak?
So everybody's
got to come down on me?
Women are like
Sushi rolls, kid.
It's always
the pretty looking ones
that'll set
your guts on fire
[Gurgling]
Excuse me.
Ok. You're right--
All of you.
I've been selfish,
shallow, and blind.
I'll call Danika and
tell her it's off.
Trix, if you still got
extra tickets for tonight,
I'm willing to find out
if me and Vicki
were meant to be.
Wow. I was not
expecting that call
you're not under the
control of a glorbian
brainworm, are you?
Ha ha ha. Yeah.
Well, I wasn't really
fair with you before,
and it's not just because
Danika's sick.
Yeah. Sorry
to hear about that.
I could suggest some
holistic techniques I--
No! I mean, I should
probably call her myself,
make sure she's ok.
Excuse me a minute.
Danika?
I'm here, Jake.
Wow!
But there's no way
my grandpa would let me
come if he knew.
Are you kidding?
Forbidden love is so romantic.
I figure if I'm not willing
to take some risks,
you don't deserve love.
Take risks.
You just never know
when it's going to be
the real thing. You know?
That forever, take
the plunge kind of real.
Take the plunge.
Must go over the edge.
Pretty, pretty.
Jakey!
Jake!
Oh, I think you know
exactly what's going on
here, Sally siren song.
Hey, spud,
work that thing.
[High-pitched sound]
Bingo! The necklace
is red hot!
I--i trusted you.
What are you doing
with this thing?
I swear! Vicki gave it
to me after the auction
to prove there
were no hard feelings.
I knew your friends
didn't like me,
without even asking me
my side of the story,
how could you?!
[Sobbing]
Like a siren has
to be some oompha la la
cutie mama or something?
We could've been
great together, Jake.
Like the perfectly aligned
hyrelian twin moons.
Eech. Good
call picking
the other one.
There's no way I'd let that
little swim chickie take you.
I almost felt bad
giving her the necklace.
It's just easier
to use pretty girls.
People always assume
they're evil anyway.
But it looks like
I'll have to finish
this one myself.
I don't think so.
Dragon up!
Whoa! Dragon.
Do I know how
to pick them or what?
Guess I should stop
holding back then, huh?
[Screaming]
[Grunting]
Whoa! That's
some powerful--eek!
So pretty pretty.
So pretty pretty.
Thank you.
Now destroy each other.
You think you're pretty
slick with the boys,
huh, sister?
But how you going to get
with the girl power?
Aah! She's hurting me!
[Growling]
Ohh. Snizap! Excuse me!
Gotta bounce!
I got her!
She's mine!
Boys are so predictable.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Aah!
Come out,
come out, Trixie.
It'll all be over soon,
then I can be
with my Vicki forever.
Pretty, pretty Vicki.
I do not want
to do this, jakey.
But somebody's got
to knock some sense
back into that scaly
head of yours.
En garde, playa!
[Grunting]
Avast, me scurvy dragon.
That last me
the black knight quarry.
Permission
to bite him savagely,
my pretty pretty?
Mmm, maybe later.
Charge, my stead!
Ha!
Mmm.
Ahh.
Mmm-mmm.
Hey, black knight!
Your boot's
unbuckled.
What? Which one?
Yaaah!
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Aah!
Uh! Uh!
Wake up, yo!
What is wrong with you
that you can't show
just a little bit
of willpower?
Duh! They're boys.
Oh, right.
Uh!
Aah!
Find her!
Aah! Is there anything
more inconvenient
than being a zirade
with swimmer's ear?
Cool aerodynamics!
Eek! A fire-eating
dragon!
There! Get her!
Check out the suit
Trixie gave me.
What? You think that
lame dragon costume
is better than
the bradster's?
My whole knight in
shining armor thing
I got going on,
they'll be hitting
on me like crazy.
Speaking of taking a hit.
Aah-ooh!
Thanks
for the save, trix.
It's cool.
I owed you one anyway--
After messing things up
for you and Danika.
[Danika sobbing]
I guess you really shouldn't
judge on appearance,
although you kind of did,
and you were kind of right.
Wait! I'm confused!
What's the lesson here?!
Maybe if I hadn't
been so shallow,
then she wouldn't
have had a reason to go
all jealous on me,
although then
I'd be going out
with a deadly siren.
Hold up. That doesn't
sound right either.
What is the lesson here?
Never swim right
after a meal?
Me? I'd have to go with
never take romantic advice
from a little girl's
folded paper toy.
Guess so.
Sounds good.
That is so true.
Now, the dragon's
awkward flame-out.
Danika:
Jake, I don't want
to talk to you.
No, no, listen.
Danika, I wrote you
a song to apologize.
Sorry,
it's what I am ♪
And what I am
is a bad man ♪
I hurt you bad,
it made you sad ♪
Hey, fool,
what's going--yo!
Where did you get that?
It's in the interest
of public science!