Are We There Yet? (2010) s02e22 Episode Script

- I can't believe these guys make all that money just driving around in a circle.
- It's not a circle.
It's an oval.
And it's not just driving.
Nascar is America's sport.
- That's baseball.
- No, that's America's favorite pastime.
- I thought that was Facebook.
[Knock at door.]
Oh, finally.
Hey, yo, Mike.
What's up? Have a seat, man.
Who is this? - That's my nephew Frankie.
Hey, knucklehead, you walk into somebody's house, you say hello.
- Hey, I'm sorry.
Hey.
- What took you so long? - I was on my way over when my sister called to pick this kid up from detention.
The kid's a complete disaster.
- It's a good thing I'm deaf, or that would hurt my feelings.
Oh, wait.
That's right.
I'm not deaf.
- Mike, maybe you shouldn't say that type of thing to the kid's face, man.
- What, I'm gonna talk behind his back? The kid's a disaster.
He knows it.
I know it.
Everybody knows it.
- Hey, yo, so, what, are you in, like, eighth grade or something? - Sixth.
- Sixth grade, wow.
What, do you have one of those crazy birthdays where you started school late or something? - No, nothing like that.
- Kid's just a dummy.
- That's 'cause my family spends so much time boosting my self-esteem.
- I'm sorry, okay? - Yeah, you're sorry.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- You're always sorry.
- I just don't know what we're gonna do with you.
- Look, is he having problems in school or - Yes, he is.
All his mom wants him to do is pass the sixth grade assessment test this week so he gets out of that school before he's old enough to teach the bleeping class.
- Kevin took that test last week.
Yo, Kevin.
Maybe he can help you out.
- I hope so.
I don't know what we're gonna do with you, man.
- Kevin, this is Mike's nephew Frankie.
Do you think you could help Frankie study for his assessment test? - You're in the sixth grade? - I'm a year or so older than I'm supposed to be.
- Is that a mustache? - I said "or so.
" - Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Get out of the seat.
Don't be rude.
[Sighs.]
- Are we there yet? Tell me, tell me, tell me - Tell me, are we there yet? - Hey, mom, can I get some jeggings? - Are jeggings free? - No, they're only $39.
- Do you have $39? - No.
- No.
- You know, there are over 500 events to scan.
If I spend all day on this, I'm not gonna have time for anything else.
Can we please hire a temp? - Okay, it's not in the budget, not right now.
You have to do this.
I'm sorry.
- Okay, but don't get mad when I report you to human resources.
- It's no gonna work, Gigi.
I've been threatening to call child protective services on her since I was eight.
She doesn't care.
- Okay, you know what? I have the solution.
You want help.
You want jeggings.
You help her.
I'll buy you jeggings.
Deal? Deal.
- Thank you.
- Lindsey, find some time this week to come by the office after school.
- Okay.
See you guys.
- Bye.
- Bye, honey.
- Good morning, beautiful.
- Morning.
- Where are you guys going, anyway? - We're gonna be at spin class.
- [Laughs.]
- Spin class.
- Yes, Nick is doing a piece on the best spin classes in Seattle, and since I know the best ones, this week, I'm gonna be his tour guide.
- I don't see what the big deal is supposed to be about spin class.
I watch the commercials.
Doesn't even seem like a real workout.
It's just disco on a bike.
- Okay, I'm going to ignore the fact that there are no more discos.
That being said, spin is one of the best workouts around.
- Oh, yeah, it is.
Okay, girls! AndRide this bike.
Ride this bike.
Pump it up.
Pump it up.
Uphill.
Uphill.
Downhill.
Downhill.
Left turn.
Left turn.
Right turn.
Ooh! Ooh! - Okay, Nick.
Let's see if you're still laughing after the workout.
- We don't need no water let those leg muscles burn burn, leg muscles, burn Ow.
Hey, um, why don't you shoot over there, you know, pick up some "b" roll? - Oh, you mean go do the job I've been doing every day for 20 years? - Hey, honey.
Is that what you're wearing? - Yeah, why? - You of all people should know that you have to wear the right gear for your sport.
Now, I picked you up some shorts.
Where are they? - Under my basketball shorts.
- Okay, take those off.
- [Groans.]
I can't be seen walking around in biking shorts.
I have a reputation.
- Nick, these people are here to work out, not look at you.
Thank you.
- Energy cocktail? - Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
Ahhh! - Love your shorts.
- What is this? Is this a class or a club? I mean, energy cocktails, outfits, a D.
J.
- Nick, it's called atmosphere.
Now, where would you like to sit? - Let's go to the back.
- Okay.
- Try to keep up.
- On second thought, let's go up here.
- Yeah, good call.
- Okay, everybody.
Give it up for my man on the ones and twos, D.
J.
Handbrake.
All: Whoo-hoo! [Applause.]
- Ones and twos? - Okay, everybody.
Pump it up.
Pump it up.
Pump it up.
Pump it up.
Ride this bike.
Ride this bike.
Ride this bike.
Ride this bike.
Uphill, uphill.
Downhill, downhill.
Right turn, right turn.
Left turn, left turn.
Pump it up.
Pump it up.
Pump it up.
Pump it up.
- So why can't I just use a calculator? - Because you're supposed to be the calculator.
All right, now listen.
Long division is simple.
- Look, why don't you finish this one? You're better at it.
- Because I'm not gonna be there for you on the exam.
- [Snaps.]
Say That's not a bad idea.
Why don't you take the test for me? - Okay, there are three things wrong with that.
Number one: I don't have a mustache.
Number two: I'm not you.
And number three: I think people might notice.
- All right.
It's a testing center.
You go in.
You say you're me.
You take the test.
That's it.
- No, absolutely not.
Not happening.
- Look, man, you got to help me out on this one.
If I don't pass this test, a lot of people are gonna be disappointed in me.
And when they get disappointed, they get mad.
And when they get mad, let's just say it's not gonna be so good for me, all right? If I had a choice, I wouldn't ask you to do this for me.
- Okay, listen, I don't want anything bad to happen to you, but I just can't do it.
- All right.
Can't do it? - 20 bucks doesn't know what it's talking about.
- 40 does.
- What makes 40 think that? - So you heard it from 60.
- Does 60 know 80? - They're like this.
- Cool.
- All right, it's simple.
You scan, you label the file, you drag it into the folder on the desktop, and repeat.
- Got it.
- No, but before we start, there's a few other things you need to know first.
- Like what? - Office politics.
You need to know who to talk to, who not to talk to, what to tell to who you do talk to, what not to say to people who may or may not talk to you, and why or why not you should or should not say what you know or don't know about people who might or might not be talking about you behind your back.
- Wow.
I didn't know so much went into working in an office.
- Mm-Hmm.
- How am I supposed to remember all that? - Okay, I'll make it simple.
Be polite, mind your business, and whatever you do, stay away from Mimi.
- Who's Mimi? - She's one of the new assistants.
[Laughs.]
Oh, and get this.
She thinks she better than me.
- Oh.
- That's it? - What's it? - You're not gonna ask me why she thinks she's better than me? - Yeah, but I was minding my business.
- Girl, my business is your business.
Now listen up.
- Whoa.
Don't look so nervous.
You're gonna blow the whole thing.
- Yo, take this.
Take this.
- What's this? - It's an I.
D.
You know, just in case.
They're not even gonna ask for it.
Go, go.
Just go.
- I.
D.
, please.
Francesco DiCosmo? - That's me.
I'm Sicilian.
- Hmm.
- Thank you.
[Clears throat.]
- Francesco.
Francesco! You forgot your I.
D.
- Oh, thanks.
But, you know, I prefer Frankie or Franko.
But Francesco is good too, you know, since that's my name.
I'm Sicilian.
[Laughs nervously.]
- Hey, man.
- I know.
I know.
Go and shoot some "b" roll in the corner.
So what do you think, Nick, lens cap on or off? - In case that's a real question, off.
- Off it is.
- Okay, so this class should be much better.
There's no energy drinks, no D.
J.
's, just a bunch of people focused on their workout.
- All right.
- No one even talks to me in here.
- Okay, hurry up, boys.
Class is about to begin.
Now Everybody should have their heart monitors hooked up.
Boys, let me hear that beeping.
[Steady beeping.]
- Um, I think we should sit in the back of the class this time.
- Ok.
- Can I get that bike, please.
- Okay, honey.
- I love you, honey.
- I love you too.
- What's up, man? Hey, dawg.
What's up? - Oooh! That girl gets on my nerves.
- Who? What happened? - She whose name must not be spoken - You mean - Shh! You know me, right? - Yes.
- You know I don't like no mess, right? - I guess.
- Well, I don't.
So I don't understand why she always trying to start some mess with me.
- Well, what did she say? - Nothing.
We were on the elevator for three whole floors, and she gonna act like she on the phone the whole time.
- Well, what were you doing? - I was texting.
You didn't get my message? - "Can you believe this chick is riding in the elevator with me "pretending to talk to somebody? "Don't worry about replying.
"I'm just writing this so she doesn't think I care about her pretending to talk to somebody.
" - Crazy, right? - Yeah, crazy.
Mm-Hmm.
[Doorbell rings.]
- Hey, Mike, come on in.
Kevin.
- Hey, manners.
- All right, all right, I'm sorry.
Hey, Mr.
Kingston-persons.
- Come on in.
Sit down.
Sit down.
So you had the big test the other day, huh? How'd it go? - Well, that's why I'm here.
I wanted to come thank Kevin personally.
I don't know how you did it, but you knocked some sense into this knucklehead.
- He passed? - Yeah, he passed.
And as a token of my appreciation, I want to give you a little something.
Here's 50 bucks for you.
And for you, Nick, for being gracious enough to let your kid help my nephew out, here's something for you.
- What's this? - That's this year's super coupon book.
You use that, you could save thousands of dollars.
They got coupons on there on everything: Clothing stores, movies, restaurants, spas.
You can even use it at one of those biking classes.
Discounts, baby.
I mean, it's almost better than money, and it's legal too.
- Well, thanks.
Wow, Frankie.
Man, you should be proud of yourself.
Now, I know we got together to help you, but in the end, you're the one that had to do the work.
- Well, I was kind of surprised myself.
- Here's the kicker.
He did so good on the test, they said he could take the seventh grade test, and if he passes that, they'll bump him up to the eighth grade, where he belongs.
[Laughs.]
I just wanted to come by and say thanks, man.
- Yeah, thanks a lot.
- Thanks.
- Well, you guys can hang upstairs for a while, man.
Wow, good job, boy.
[Both laugh.]
- By the way, my cousin saw you in his biker class the other day.
He's a fan.
He said a lot of guys are excited about you being in there.
- [Laughs nervously.]
Big sports fans, huh? - No, they're gay, and they find you very attractive.
- So you know we got a problem, right? - I don't have a problem.
You have a problem.
Okay, just study.
If you pass, you pass.
If you fail, you fail.
- Wrong.
Let me lay this out for you, slick.
If I take this test, I'm gonna fail it.
And then my Uncle's gonna ask me how I did so good on the last test but screwed this one up.
Guess what I'm gonna say.
- Well, you'll be in trouble too.
- I've been in trouble before, but what about you? - [Scoffs.]
I've been in trouble before.
Yeah, you right.
- [Laughs.]
Okay, see you later, then.
Hey, Gigi, where's mom? - With a client.
Who were you talking to? - Nobody.
- Nobody? Does nobody have a name? - She whose name must not be spoken.
- [Gasps.]
- What? - Why would you talk to her after I asked you not to? - Because she spoke to me.
And I didn't tell her anything.
And she Gigi, she was nice.
- Lindsey, if she were nice, she wouldn't have acted like I wasn't in the room the first time we met and then pretended not to remember my name the next time.
She just wants you to think there's something wrong with me.
- That's so weird.
She said exactly the same thing about you, except she said you ignore her, pretended to forget her name, and you're always pretending to text while you're riding in the elevator with her.
- Well, as the executive assistant with the most seniority, what I do or don't do is neither here nor there.
And she's supposed to know who I am.
I don't need to know who she is.
But I do know why her name is Mimi.
Because all she thinks about is me, me, me.
- Wait, are you saying that all she thinks about is you or all she thinks about is her? - Mind your business, sit down, and be quiet, and be glad her name is not you-mi.
- Ooh, all right.
Now, these people came to work out.
That last class was too easy.
- Well, thank goodness we finally found a class that meets your standard.
- Hey, man.
I wasn't trying to be disrespectful.
I just think we got off on the wrong foot.
- Yeah, maybe we did.
I'm sure when you were telling me, two-time Emmy winner, former Gulf war correspondent, how to frame up a two-shot for a rookie reporter's piece that will probably never see the light of day, you weren't trying to be disrespectful.
- Okay, so we cool? - Well, that's it.
I'm done.
- And you did a great job.
Your mother's gonna be proud of you.
- [Laughs.]
- Listen, um, Lindsey, I've been thinking, and I really need to apologize for putting you in the middle of my problem.
I mean, it's just, I'm a nice person, and I want people to like me, and I just don't understand what happened with Mimi.
- That's funny.
- Why is that funny? - She said the same thing to me.
- Lindsey - So I did something.
- What did you do? - Mimi! I just thought, if you guys could start over again, you can end some of this confusion.
So Gigi, Mimi.
Mimi, Gigi.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Okay, well, I'll just leave you guys alone now.
- I like your nails.
- Thank you.
I like your hair.
- Thank you.
I like your boots.
- Thank you.
I like your heels.
- Thank you.
I like your stockings.
- Thank you.
I like your skirt.
- Thank you.
I like your studded belt.
- Thank you.
I like your heavyweight championship belt.
- Look, Nick, I know those other classes weren't really challenging, but I promise you, this one's gonna be tough.
- Suzanne, I've already taken two of these classes.
- You know what this is.
I hope you all can bring it.
One, two, three, four, and let's go! Come on.
Push it.
Faster.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, Jeremy, harder! Yeah, come on, faster.
Sprint, ten seconds.
Here we go, and ten, nine, go.
Eight.
Faster.
Come on.
- Oh, man.
- Still sore, huh? - [Groans.]
That class was no joke.
I think I broke my butt.
- [Laughs.]
- Really.
No, that's not funny.
- Oh, hi, guys.
- Hey, guys.
Frankie, how'd the test go? - Psssh! Forget about it.
Piece of cake.
- Great.
How about you, son? How'd you do? - What? - Oh, nothing.
It's just this teacher I know, she thought she saw this kid who looked just like you.
But his name was Francesco DiCosmo, which is such a coincidence, because Mike's nephew's name is Francesco DiCosmo, and he was supposed to be taking this same test at the same place at the same time with this kid who looked just like you who wasn't you.
But since you said, "what?" You obviously don't know what we're talking about.
- [Laughs nervously.]
I don't.
- Really? Well, we asked her to send us a picture, andWow.
- Wow.
- You got to admit, that looks a whole lot like you.
- I can't believe you.
- What? - I take you to my friend's house to try to get you some help, and you try to turn his kid into a criminal.
- Okay, you got me.
- That's it, "you got me"? - Well, what do you want me to say, "you didn't get me"? You got a picture, for crying out loud.
Okay, look, I cheated, all right? I'm sorry.
I'll be in the car.
- Yeah, get in the car.
[Sighs.]
Hey, Nick, in my defense, when I brought him over here, I did tell you he wasn't a good kid.
- See you later, Mike.
- I'll see you next time.
- Bye, Mike.
- I'm sorry.
- Madon! Why is this kid hanging out with our kid? - Why did you do this? - I was just trying to help him, but then he bribed me, and he blackmailed me.
- Where's the money? - Oh, man.
You staked your name, your reputation, and your future on $80? - I mean, I guess I could have held out for $100.
- That's not what I'm saying.
- $200? - You're missing the point.
- Okay, dad, I don't think the guy has $300.
- I'm saying don't lie and don't cheat.
Look, if you hadn't taken a bribe, you wouldn't have these problems.
Just look what happened to Reggie bush.
- Yeah, he dated Kim Kardashian and then won the super bowl.
- You know, if you want, I could just beat you.
- Don't lie and don't cheat.
Got it.
Can I Can I have my money back? - No.