Big Nate (2022) s02e22 Episode Script

[puppies whimpering, barking]
[tires screeching]
- Dad!
Dad.
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!
Pull over.
- No can do, bud.
Gotta get that
milk in the fridge
before it turns
into mayonnaise.
[milk carton spurts]
- But look!
Marcus is selling puppies.
- We're not buying a puppy.
[tires squealing]
- [whimpers]
Dad, come on.
I'm serious!
[groans]
All I want is a pet
who loves me and is totally
dependent on me for survival.
Oh!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Spitsy!
You fleabag.
- [barks]
- [sighs]
- [whimpers]
- Margarine,
it's fun for the whole family.
- Ooh, it certainly is.
- Lick it, dip it.
Just ask Rackleff's
own Mayor Klatchko.
- That's right,
AI-generated announcer.
Margarine is Rackleff's
number one export.
And to celebrate everyone's
favorite spreadable edible,
we planned the First Annual
Rackleff's Margarine Festival
this weekend.
- [snarling]
- [screams]
[tires squealing]
[metal crunching]
- [grumbles]
- Ah, darn it.
Forgot to buy toilet paper.
Nate!
Run out back
and grab me some corn husks
to use in the meantime.
- Corn husks?
They're all dry and scratchy.
- [chuckles] Not after
I'm through with them.
- [gags]
Gross.
Augh! This is so lame!
Life would be so much better if
I had a pet to do stuff with.
[grunts]
[groans]
You guys saw that, right?
[wind whistling]
[stalks creaking]
Um-- hello?
Is somebody out there?
[whimpers]
Hmm?
[tense music]
[screams]
- Papa?
- [gasps]
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- Whoa, you got a 100
on the science worksheet?
What's your secret?
- I just looked at Nate's
answers and did the opposite.
- [laughs]
Is that true, Nate?
- OK, OK, look.
I didn't score
well on the test.
But look what I scored instead.
[all gasp]
- Is that a sloth?
- Papa.
- Yep.
Meet Carlotha the sloth-a.
- She's so cute.
- Cool.
- Wow!
- Look at her little butt.
- What's up with you, Teddy?
Not into exotic
endangered animals?
- Exotic usually
means undomesticated.
- I thought exotic
meant inappropriate
for young viewers.
- [sighs]
Did none of you
watch that video
I sent of the exotic
man-eating capybara?
- Today, we've happened
upon a family of capybara.
These gentle,
docile creatures appear--
fang!
Fangs,
they're eating my face off!
- Yeah, I really need to
turn up the parental controls
on this thing.
- Carlotha would
never eat my face off.
I mean, look how sweet she is.
- Oh,
great Jehovah's flyswatter.
W-w-where on Earth
did you get that sloth from?
- I found her chewing on
the rotting cornstalks
in my backyard.
How random is that?
- Yes, of course.
Random.
I have to be going now.
- Nate Wright, please come
to the principal's
office immediately.
That sloth has got to go.
Now!
- I hear you.
I'm listening.
But what if I kept her?
- Absolutely not.
The school can't
afford another lawsuit
if that thing mauls a child.
We're still paying off that
settlement for using plutonium
to disinfect the cafeteria.
Uh, allegedly.
- [sighs]
- How am I supposed
to live without you
now that I know what love is?
[cupids smooching]
- Hey, couldn't
help but overhear,
because I was eavesdropping.
My Uncle Pedro's had, like,
thousands of exotic animals.
And they've all
ended in disaster.
- Did you say thousands
of exotic animals?
[upbeat music]
♪
- Behold,
the Tromcicleta 1200.
I finally have an excuse to
play this beauty at this year's
Margarine Festival.
[gasps]
[speaking in Spanish]
Who is your animal smuggler?
I lost mine years ago.
- [belches]
- She wasn't smuggled.
It was destiny
that brought us together.
And now I'm worried
that the government
will try to tear us apart.
- It's good you came to me.
Follow!
There are plenty of loopholes
to keep endangered species
in your possession.
Unfortunately,
those loopholes
sometimes have
severe consequences.
[loud clattering]
Ahh! My elephant's destroying
my Tromcicleta!
- OK, can we agree now?
Keeping a sloth
in Rackleff is a bad idea.
- Bad idea?
Didn't you hear your uncle?
He said there are
plenty of loopholes.
And we've got everything
we need right here.
So, by adopting Carlotha
as our school mascot,
P.S. 38 will be designated
as a protected wildlife zone.
And you will get a tax break.
- With the extra money
from a sloth tax break,
maybe we can hire
a math teacher again
instead of a claw machine.
[electronic whirring]
- How much money have we
lost if I spent 11 quarters
and you spent 12?
- If this is true,
Mayor Klatchko
needs to know immediately.
- My work here is done.
- Fa-fa.
[dramatic music]
- Mayor Klatchko
signs bill into law
requiring all Rackleff
households to own a sloth.
- And you can all
thank Nate Wright.
- All right!
[cheers and applause]
- Fa-fa
- Yay!
- Fa-fa.
[squeals]
- Fa-fa.
- Sloth delivery.
You get a sloth,
and you get a sloth.
- Hey, look, Carlotha.
Everyone's getting a sloth.
[grunts]
Get off me!
Come on, Carlotha.
- Alone ♪
Are the feelings
really gone? ♪
- [knocks at door]
Sloth delivery.
- Ahh!
Fa-fa.
- Oh, no way, man.
I don't trust that thing.
And neither should you.
- Suit yourself.
More sloths for me.
[laughs]
- [scoffs]
[laughter]
I feel like
the next Jane Goodall.
[sloth barking]
- I've always wanted
an emotional-support animal.
Look!
I'm not anxious anymore.
Ugh!
- Guys,
this is crazy!
You're all becoming
sloth-obsessed.
- Teddy, relax.
In New York, I once had
a neighbor that bred
Chinese crocodile lizards.
- You know it's bad when even
I think you should relax.
- Wait, doesn't this all
seem a little suspicious?
First, Nate's sloth
shows up out of nowhere.
Then the next day,
a mass population of sloths
just magically appears?
Don't you get it?
- Uh-oh.
- This is a
sloth-cloning conspiracy!
- Uh-oh.
- Augh!
- Teddy,
you're overthinking this.
- [hiccups]
Hear that?
Hunch hiccups.
[hiccups]
That means I'm on to something.
You guys don't want
to listen to me?
Fine.
[hiccups]
I'll find someone who will.
[hiccups]
- Uh-oh.
- My sloth has such
cute mall butt.
- Ahh! Teddy!
My bladder is too weak
for sudden noises.
Luckily, I'm already empty.
[urine trickling]
Oh, wait.
Never mind.
- Riddle me this, professor.
How does a pygmy three-toed
sloth end up in Rackleff
if not by flying saucer?
- I'm afraid
I can't discuss it.
I'm quite busy
with my lab experiments.
- [growls]
- These sloths
are up to no good.
What are they hiding?
- I told you, I'm busy.
I was never here.
Ahh!
Ooh, yi-yi-yi.
- Hmm.
[hiccups]
More hunch pickups.
The trail is hot, hot, hot.
Like any good investigator,
I'll start from square one.
[hiccups]
OK, here's where
Nate found Carlotha.
[both smooching and giggling]
Hmm?
Hey, hey.
Don't mind me.
Yeah, love is love.
[jazzy music]
[both giggling, growling]
[bird cooing]
Eureka!
[upbeat music]
- Match found.
[electronic beeping]
Location identified.
♪
- [chuckles]
[chomping]
Mmm.
- Hello, Zeffrey.
- Hmm?
- Are you even Zeff or a
sloth in a Zeff costume?
I knew you looked
lumpier than usual!
Spill it, chump.
Spill it!
- I'm not a sloth!
I'm just a delivery man.
- Show me
who you're working for.
[ominous music]
[sloths chittering]
Eew Corp.
I should have known.
[sloths chittering]
[sneaky music]
♪
- To celebrate your success--
or should I say, "sloth-cess"--
I made you my famous stuffed
margarine casserole, Nate.
- Fa-fa.
- Dad, for something
to be famous,
the whole world
has to know about it.
- Well, you two
are my whole world.
And you know about it.
- Wow, that's sad.
- Fa-fa.
- When do I get a sloth?
- [laughs] I'm sorry,
only one sloth per fam.
They are endangered, after all.
Mmm.
- Keep talking and pretty
soon, you'll be in danger.
- Ah, I pity you, Smellen.
You'll never understand
the connection between a boy
and his sloth,
a sloth and her boy.
There's no greater bond,
for ours is a love eternal.
- Alone ♪
I need a man ♪
A master of my own ♪
To help take off my cone ♪
Alone ♪
- [howls]
[thunder booming]
- Mm.
Hmm?
Oh hey,
you want some casserole?
- Uh-uh-uh, people food
is only for people, Nate.
[chomping]
- Fa-fa.
- Hey, don't worry.
I got you, buddy.
- Fa-fa!
Fa-fa.
[chomping]
[dramatic musical sting]
[sneaky music]
♪
[together]
Fa-fa. Fa-fa. Fa-fa.
- Ahh!
♪
Mr. Galvin?
- Oh, Teddy, how many times?
My bladder!
- Less urinating
and more talking.
- I've been conducting
research for Eew Corp
to make their employees
more productive.
- How are the sloths involved?
- I figured if we could make
the slowest animal move faster,
we could make humans
move faster, too.
- What is this?
- Why, that's an extracted
sloth brain.
Wait, Zeff.
Please, don't!
[buzzing and crackling]
[glass shattering]
Oh, these levels
are off the charts.
If this is what margarine
does to a sloth brain
outside the body,
I shudder to think what it does
when the brain is inside.
[thunder booming]
[distant clanking]
- [groans]
What?
I'm trying to--
[loud clang]
What's going on?
[gasps]
- [snarls]
- [screams]
Carlotha!
- [squeals]
[snarls]
[loud thud]
- Well, that's not good.
- Carlotha!
Where are you?
- Carlotha where are you?
- How could you
let her get away?
I could never lose Falafel.
- OK, I will not be judged
by someone who named
a sloth after fried chickpeas.
- [breathing heavily]
Guys!
It's margarine.
Margarine makes
the sloths go crazy!
[laughter]
- OK, now you're making these
theories intentionally bad.
Right, Nate?
- Heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Something you want to
share with the group, Nate?
- Nate, how exactly
did your sloth get away?
- She ran away after eating
my dad's margarine casserole.
[all gasping]
- Wait, sloths don't run.
- That's what I'm telling you.
A slots on margarine
is super-fast.
- And super strong!
She tore open her cage like
it was made of toothpicks.
- Dude, I told you
something was up.
But you didn't listen.
- I know.
But no animal has ever
loved me like that.
Is it so wrong, huh?
To want that for myself?
I have so little!
[sobbing]
- Oh, brother.
- Nate, stop stealing my drama
jam and pull yourself together.
- OK, OK, OK.
Everyone relax.
We can fix this, OK?
Just focus.
As long as we keep the sloths
away from large quantities of--
[gasps]
Oh, no.
all: The Margarine Festival!
[upbeat music]
- [babbling]
♪
[trumpeting]
[saliva squelching]
- Thank you, Pedro,
for that rendition
of "America the Beautiful."
- That was "Como La Flor."
- Sure.
My fellow Rackleffians,
it is my honor to open
the First Annual
Margarine Festival.
But first, I'd like to
recognize one individual.
And there he is now.
- Don't worry, OK?
I'll tell them the
danger of what happens
when sloths eat margarine.
- Nate,
come on up to the stage.
[together]
Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate!
- It is my honor to crown
you the Margarine King.
Bring it in, boys!
[helicopter whirring]
[loud thud]
[majestic music]
[together]
Ooh!
- Whoa,
a giant sculpture of me?
- Not just any sculpture.
A sculpture made
entirely of margarine.
Please, Your Majesty.
The floor is yours.
- [clears throat]
- Perfect.
Now's his chance
to stop the festival.
- Well, hey.
Thank you.
Thanks, everyone,
for this incredible moment.
All I've ever wanted
is to feel loved.
And today,
you've given that to me.
- Oh, no.
We forgot that unwavering
public affection and attention
are Nate's kryptonite.
- [sobs]
Being crowned
your Margarine King
is an honor
that I will never forget.
- Margarine King, we love you!
[together]
Margarine! Margarine!
- [sobbing]
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, I love you, Rackleff.
- Ow, my eye!
- And--
[sniffles, coughs]
Yeah, yeah.
I guess that's it.
Weird, I feel like
I forgot something.
- Let the
Margarine Festival begin.
- No!
[all grunt]
[dramatic music]
[together]
Margarine! Margarine!
♪
[margarine splashing]
[applause]
[sloths squealing]
♪
- Uh, what's happening?
- Oh yeah, now I remember.
[clears throat]
Uh, hey, everybody,
margarine makes
the sloths go crazy.
So--
- Run!
Run for your lives!
[all screaming and yelling]
- My margarine!
[sloths growling]
♪
[margarine squelching]
[all screaming]
[horns trumpeting]
- Kids, quickly,
get on the Tromcicleta.
[laughing]
[bike bell dinging]
[frenetic music]
♪
- We need to get off
the street.
- Teddy's right.
We're covered in margarine.
- Personally,
I've never felt more delicious.
- What's the most secure
location in Rackleff?
- J-J-J-J-Jefferson!
Yeah, take a right.
Up there!
[sloths screeching]
♪
[sloths growling]
- They're blocking the doors!
- Quick, head to the peripheral
octo-style Doric temple.
- Wait, they have an acropolis?
Dang, those charter school kids
are rich.
[all screaming]
[dramatic music]
♪
[door thuds]
[loud banging]
- [stammering]
Teddy!
I-- I don't know what to say.
- Ahh!
That you're sorry
you didn't realize margarine
would make sloths
go cuckoo banana puffs?
Don't sweat it, bro.
Even I didn't have that on
my Slothspiracy Bingo card.
- But I wanted to see my
million-dollar fireworks show.
- Million?
The school has a claw
machine as a math teacher,
and you're spending millions
of tax dollars on fireworks?
[loud clattering]
[sloths snarling]
- Still, you were right.
I should have listened to you.
I'm sorry!
[loud thudding]
Huh?
- [laughs]
- We're sorry, too.
- We should have believed you.
- We messed up.
- Well, at least
it's a fun story to tell.
[slurping]
Ah, that's the stuff.
- Is it just me, or have
the sloths gotten quiet?
[hiccups]
[sloths snarling]
- [growls]
- They made Carlotha
their leader.
- Is it weird
I'm a little proud?
- Yes!
- Perdóname, mis amigos.
The spit valve was full.
- Spit valve, that's it!
Everyone, quick!
Squeeze any margarine you have
left into the Tromcicleta.
- [barks]
[inspirational music]
♪
- [snarls]
[sloths growling]
- [screeches]
♪
- Nate, hop on.
- [screeches]
[trumpet bellows]
♪
[bell dings]
♪
- [whimpers]
[bell dinging]
- Head to the fireworks
barge at the end of the pier!
- Oh, great idea.
One last show
before we're all goners.
[seagulls squawking]
- [yelling]
- OK, everybody.
On the count of
three, everybody jump.
One, two, three!
[all yelling]
♪
[loud thud]
[sloths snarling]
[fireworks booming]
- Oh, worth every penny.
Just pretend
that says "margarine."
- [growls]
- [mumbling]
- [grunts]
[gentle music]
- Hey, bud. Doing all right?
Weird day, huh?
- Hmm? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's just hard, you know?
Nobody's ever loved me
the way Carlotha did.
- Oh, hey now.
I know for a fact
that that's not true.
You're very loved.
- [scoffs]
You think so?
- I know so.
- Wow.
You know, you're right, Dad.
There's someone
who loves me unconditionally,
who's been right in front
of me this entire time.
- [sniffles, whimpers]
- Spitsy!
Come here, boy!
- Ahh! Ahh!
- [barking]
- [laughs]
Oh, yeah!
I love you, too, buddy.
Don't ever leave me.
OK, all right.
You're slobbering on me.
[grunts]
So gross.
You know what?
Maybe I don't need a dog.
- So what do you think
will happen to that sloth
barge, anyway?
- I guess we'll never know.
[horn blares]
[dramatic music]
- The barge of sloths
that washed up on shore
has now completely overwhelmed
every nation on Earth.
In this humble reporter's
opinion,
all hail
the new sloth overlords.
[light jazzy music]
- Alone ♪
Are the feelings
really gone? ♪
Won't you throw
a dog a bone? ♪
Won't your heart
pick up the phone? ♪
Alone ♪
I need a man ♪
A master of my own ♪
To help take off my cone ♪
Alone ♪
Arf ♪