Clarence US (2014) s02e22 Episode Script
Dullance
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Please, you guys, it wasn't me! Ha ha! Who would believe a murderer like you? It's time for you to pay for what you've done! [Indistinct shouting.]
Everyone, stop! Look.
[Grunts.]
The deed to Van Buren's Olde Family Diner.
It was exactly where Chelsea said it was.
Uh, I swear, I checked.
I, uh - See? I told you.
- Being a good friend means always being a friend who's there for your friend when your friend needs help, or just, you know, needs a good friend, and you just got to be there.
- Child: Yeah! - Man: That's right.
That's exactly what Well, uh I guess I owe you some kind of apology.
[Sighs.]
Well, where you going now? [Chuckles.]
Chelsea, I'm finally gonna take that bath.
[Both laugh.]
- Bye.
- Ah, see ya, dude.
Early to bed Oh, wait.
House is this way.
[Grunts.]
[Humming.]
[Shouting indistinctly.]
Mavis? You're stuck? [Speaking indistinctly.]
Well, I just finished helping Chelsea.
[Shouts indistinctly.]
But I can try to help you, too! [Straining.]
Clarence.
Some jerk dragonfly has been buzzing around my yard, messing with me.
I need a brother-in-arms to help me take him down.
Oh, um, dang, that's a cool squirt gun.
- Yeah, let's go.
- Be right back, Mavis! - We're gonna set a perimeter.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
We're gonna need all kinds of stuff.
[Both laugh.]
Sumo: Ah, no, no! He got away again! Oh, no.
[Yawning.]
He got away Hey, I think I'm gonna Hmm.
Mwah.
- Goodbye, Miss Dolphin.
- Gah! I'll get you! [Grunts, sighs.]
- Bye, Sumo.
Good luck.
- Clarence, I Oh, you're leaving? - Yeah, I'm just - Nah, it's cool.
I just thought that Yeah, I was gonna, but everyone's - just asking a lot and - Yeah.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
Gah! [Crying.]
[Music.]
[Southern accent.]
Oh.
Hello, there.
I apologize for losing my giblets like this in front of a fine gentleman such as yourself, but, well I'm a new student at Aberdale Middle School, and our homecoming dance is tonight, and I don't have a date.
What's a gal to do? I don't I don't know.
What is a gal to do? Isn't there any way a man of your shape could help out little old me? What? So, you want me to put on a wig and go to your school pretending to be you, and try to win over some boy who asks you to prom? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- And then when you get to prom, you're too nervous, - so I have to stand in your place - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
and your date accidentally falls for me.
Then what if he tries to kiss me? Oh, no, I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.
Hee hee.
Well, you'd really help out the likes of little old me.
Uh, maybe, but I don't I can't do this right now.
- Good luck.
- But But I - No! - Well, I do de-Clarence! No! You have to help me teach my dog how to play basketball.
There's no rule that says dogs can't play basketball.
Oh, uh, I got to go do something.
Rita: Clarence, I need you to test your blood to make sure you're not the alien shapeshifter.
Can I take a rain check? Gilben, give me some of your blood! [Grunting.]
Mary: Oh, there you are! It feels like we haven't had a movie marathon in forever.
I thought we could watch all the Baby Big Mouth movies in a row.
Come on, buddy, what do you say? Mom! I don't want to watch movies and talk to you about your haircut friends.
- I just want to be alone! - You want to be alone? Yeah, alone.
All alone! I've been being a friend all day, and I can't What's going on? How come I don't even want to be near anybody?! That's okay.
I get it.
Sometimes you need some alone time just to take care of yourself and recharge the batteries.
- But my friends all need me.
- Oh, they'll be fine.
Here, why don't you set a timer for yourself? Your friends can survive without you for an hour.
You know, when I'm feeling burnt out at work, I'll go to the grocery store.
I'll put on my headphones, I'll turn them up loud, and just wander the aisles.
I guess it's pretty therapeutic for me, looking at a Clarence? [Alarm winding, ticking.]
[Music.]
[Breathes deeply.]
When is a friend a friend? Me? Are you my friend? I'll be your friend And I'll be your friend Mwah.
- Yeah, okay, I'll get him, I'll get him.
- Huh? Uh, hey, buddy, Jeff's on the phone.
He needs help getting ready for some swim test or something.
I don't know.
Oh, right.
Oh, hey, Jeff, Clarence is a little busy right now.
He'll call you back later.
I guess it's up to you now, Jeffrey.
Chicken, airplane, soldier.
Chicken, airplane, soldier.
[Humming.]
Whoa.
They just keep going onwards to infinity.
Are you me? Are you me? I feel like there's so many different MEs inside of me that even when it's just, like, me, it's, like, a lot of mes.
[Echoing.]
MEs.
MEs, MEs.
[Gasps.]
Oh, look, a snake! [Growls.]
Aah! It's up to me to save myself.
No ones else is gonna Ow! [Grunts.]
[Chuckling.]
Ow.
[Sniffing.]
Huh.
I never wear this.
- Clarence.
- Chelsea? Dude, I had a dream that you and I were at the Spaghetti Museum, and we found this box of money.
- We got to go there.
- Um, actually, no, thanks.
- I'm having some alone time, please.
- I get it.
I have siblings.
- You do your thing.
- Also, I just helped you.
My brother bugs me all the time, especially when I'm trying to do my homework.
You know, it's so funny.
- Brothers are so weird.
- Do you think you could please leave now? [Grunting.]
Don't need this in here.
Now no one can bother me.
Guess I'll go blind soon.
[Chuckles.]
They live in a cave, like me.
[Laughing.]
Whoa.
[Laughs.]
Aah! Dang, this feels pretty good.
[Humming.]
[Doors open.]
- Clarence, where are you?! - Aah! Oh, there you are.
I forgot me and your mom's anniversary.
You got to help me set up a romantic dinner.
Mary: What are you talking about, Chad? Our anniversary isn't for like eight or nine months.
What? Um, okay.
And which date are you going by? I just want to be alo-o-o-ne! [Slow music plays.]
Bath-time bubbles help me float Ahh! Finally.
No more interruptions.
Feels good.
Good job, friend.
Mm-hmm.
Bath-time bubbles help the tension end "I'm Sergeant McNulty.
But I also can bend over.
I'm pretty flexible.
And my bones are made of rubber bands.
I'm a stretchy guy.
" [Chuckles.]
This water is gross.
Look at these fingies.
[Laughs.]
Looks like little brains.
[Sighs.]
Girl, you got to let yourself let go more often.
Wonder if my friends are okay.
[Mary and Chad laughing.]
What's a baby got to do to get some warm milk around here? - Baby Big Mouth! He doesn't quit.
- Oh.
Oh, man.
Oh.
Oh, you guys already watched it? Yep, just finished.
You feeling better? Yeah.
Let's watch it again.
Uh, I think I need a Baby Big Mouth break, but why don't you see if Sumo - or somebody else wants to watch? - Sumo! [Dings.]
No more alone time.
[Grunts.]
- I'm coming, Sumo! - Clothes, Clarence! [Music.]
Sumo! - I'm here for you, buddy.
- Hey, man.
- Hey, what happened with the dragonfly? - Oh, yeah.
They won.
They totally own the yard now.
[Dragonflies buzzing.]
[Sip.]
It's pretty cool.
[Chuckles.]
So I guess you don't need my help? Nah.
Hey, is that a new shirt? Yep.
The tag's kind of stuck, though.
[Gasps.]
Mavis! She's still stuck.
I'm coming, Mavis.
[Grunts.]
Mavis! Mavis?! I'm sorry, Mavis! I'm coming! [Grunting.]
Here I come.
[Breathes sharply.]
Are you sure you never dug a tunnel before? 'Cause you're really good at it.
[Speaks indistinctly, chuckles.]
You like my eyebrows? So, you did it without old Clarence's help.
That's okay.
I'm happy you got out I guess.
Hmm.
Who else needs a good friend? [Group cheering.]
Yeah, Shannon! Good job! - Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! Shannon! Shannon, don't worry.
I'm here for you.
And because one kind young gentlemen refused to let me take the easy way out, I do de-Clarence, I found my confidence.
I realized I didn't need a prom date to feel good about myself.
All I gots to do is be little old Shanny-Wanny from Bacon, Georgia.
[Chuckles.]
[Cheers and applause.]
It's a shame I have to move back to Bacon immediately.
Goodbye, y'all.
I'll write you every day if you write me.
[Sighs.]
I guess everyone figured out their problems without me.
- Hmm? - Sorry, guys.
- Was I being a bad friend? - What? Clarence, you're a great friend.
But being a good friend means always being a friend who's there for your friend when your friend needs help or We know you'll always be there if we really need you.
Yeah, and we don't always got to be killing dragonflies, neither.
Sometimes we can just, like, hang out.
Oh.
Okay.
Do you guys want to hang out now? - Oh.
- Yeah, that sounds good.
We can hang out right now.
[Laughter.]
[Music.]
That snake is very venomous.
- So be careful.
- Hmm? Hmm? Wasting my time [Laughing.]
Yeah! These are my good habits Chicken, airplane, soldier.
- Chicken, airplane, soldier.
- Chelsea: You are so much fun, you guys.
But I never stop, feeling fine
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Please, you guys, it wasn't me! Ha ha! Who would believe a murderer like you? It's time for you to pay for what you've done! [Indistinct shouting.]
Everyone, stop! Look.
[Grunts.]
The deed to Van Buren's Olde Family Diner.
It was exactly where Chelsea said it was.
Uh, I swear, I checked.
I, uh - See? I told you.
- Being a good friend means always being a friend who's there for your friend when your friend needs help, or just, you know, needs a good friend, and you just got to be there.
- Child: Yeah! - Man: That's right.
That's exactly what Well, uh I guess I owe you some kind of apology.
[Sighs.]
Well, where you going now? [Chuckles.]
Chelsea, I'm finally gonna take that bath.
[Both laugh.]
- Bye.
- Ah, see ya, dude.
Early to bed Oh, wait.
House is this way.
[Grunts.]
[Humming.]
[Shouting indistinctly.]
Mavis? You're stuck? [Speaking indistinctly.]
Well, I just finished helping Chelsea.
[Shouts indistinctly.]
But I can try to help you, too! [Straining.]
Clarence.
Some jerk dragonfly has been buzzing around my yard, messing with me.
I need a brother-in-arms to help me take him down.
Oh, um, dang, that's a cool squirt gun.
- Yeah, let's go.
- Be right back, Mavis! - We're gonna set a perimeter.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
We're gonna need all kinds of stuff.
[Both laugh.]
Sumo: Ah, no, no! He got away again! Oh, no.
[Yawning.]
He got away Hey, I think I'm gonna Hmm.
Mwah.
- Goodbye, Miss Dolphin.
- Gah! I'll get you! [Grunts, sighs.]
- Bye, Sumo.
Good luck.
- Clarence, I Oh, you're leaving? - Yeah, I'm just - Nah, it's cool.
I just thought that Yeah, I was gonna, but everyone's - just asking a lot and - Yeah.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
Gah! [Crying.]
[Music.]
[Southern accent.]
Oh.
Hello, there.
I apologize for losing my giblets like this in front of a fine gentleman such as yourself, but, well I'm a new student at Aberdale Middle School, and our homecoming dance is tonight, and I don't have a date.
What's a gal to do? I don't I don't know.
What is a gal to do? Isn't there any way a man of your shape could help out little old me? What? So, you want me to put on a wig and go to your school pretending to be you, and try to win over some boy who asks you to prom? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- And then when you get to prom, you're too nervous, - so I have to stand in your place - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
and your date accidentally falls for me.
Then what if he tries to kiss me? Oh, no, I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.
Hee hee.
Well, you'd really help out the likes of little old me.
Uh, maybe, but I don't I can't do this right now.
- Good luck.
- But But I - No! - Well, I do de-Clarence! No! You have to help me teach my dog how to play basketball.
There's no rule that says dogs can't play basketball.
Oh, uh, I got to go do something.
Rita: Clarence, I need you to test your blood to make sure you're not the alien shapeshifter.
Can I take a rain check? Gilben, give me some of your blood! [Grunting.]
Mary: Oh, there you are! It feels like we haven't had a movie marathon in forever.
I thought we could watch all the Baby Big Mouth movies in a row.
Come on, buddy, what do you say? Mom! I don't want to watch movies and talk to you about your haircut friends.
- I just want to be alone! - You want to be alone? Yeah, alone.
All alone! I've been being a friend all day, and I can't What's going on? How come I don't even want to be near anybody?! That's okay.
I get it.
Sometimes you need some alone time just to take care of yourself and recharge the batteries.
- But my friends all need me.
- Oh, they'll be fine.
Here, why don't you set a timer for yourself? Your friends can survive without you for an hour.
You know, when I'm feeling burnt out at work, I'll go to the grocery store.
I'll put on my headphones, I'll turn them up loud, and just wander the aisles.
I guess it's pretty therapeutic for me, looking at a Clarence? [Alarm winding, ticking.]
[Music.]
[Breathes deeply.]
When is a friend a friend? Me? Are you my friend? I'll be your friend And I'll be your friend Mwah.
- Yeah, okay, I'll get him, I'll get him.
- Huh? Uh, hey, buddy, Jeff's on the phone.
He needs help getting ready for some swim test or something.
I don't know.
Oh, right.
Oh, hey, Jeff, Clarence is a little busy right now.
He'll call you back later.
I guess it's up to you now, Jeffrey.
Chicken, airplane, soldier.
Chicken, airplane, soldier.
[Humming.]
Whoa.
They just keep going onwards to infinity.
Are you me? Are you me? I feel like there's so many different MEs inside of me that even when it's just, like, me, it's, like, a lot of mes.
[Echoing.]
MEs.
MEs, MEs.
[Gasps.]
Oh, look, a snake! [Growls.]
Aah! It's up to me to save myself.
No ones else is gonna Ow! [Grunts.]
[Chuckling.]
Ow.
[Sniffing.]
Huh.
I never wear this.
- Clarence.
- Chelsea? Dude, I had a dream that you and I were at the Spaghetti Museum, and we found this box of money.
- We got to go there.
- Um, actually, no, thanks.
- I'm having some alone time, please.
- I get it.
I have siblings.
- You do your thing.
- Also, I just helped you.
My brother bugs me all the time, especially when I'm trying to do my homework.
You know, it's so funny.
- Brothers are so weird.
- Do you think you could please leave now? [Grunting.]
Don't need this in here.
Now no one can bother me.
Guess I'll go blind soon.
[Chuckles.]
They live in a cave, like me.
[Laughing.]
Whoa.
[Laughs.]
Aah! Dang, this feels pretty good.
[Humming.]
[Doors open.]
- Clarence, where are you?! - Aah! Oh, there you are.
I forgot me and your mom's anniversary.
You got to help me set up a romantic dinner.
Mary: What are you talking about, Chad? Our anniversary isn't for like eight or nine months.
What? Um, okay.
And which date are you going by? I just want to be alo-o-o-ne! [Slow music plays.]
Bath-time bubbles help me float Ahh! Finally.
No more interruptions.
Feels good.
Good job, friend.
Mm-hmm.
Bath-time bubbles help the tension end "I'm Sergeant McNulty.
But I also can bend over.
I'm pretty flexible.
And my bones are made of rubber bands.
I'm a stretchy guy.
" [Chuckles.]
This water is gross.
Look at these fingies.
[Laughs.]
Looks like little brains.
[Sighs.]
Girl, you got to let yourself let go more often.
Wonder if my friends are okay.
[Mary and Chad laughing.]
What's a baby got to do to get some warm milk around here? - Baby Big Mouth! He doesn't quit.
- Oh.
Oh, man.
Oh.
Oh, you guys already watched it? Yep, just finished.
You feeling better? Yeah.
Let's watch it again.
Uh, I think I need a Baby Big Mouth break, but why don't you see if Sumo - or somebody else wants to watch? - Sumo! [Dings.]
No more alone time.
[Grunts.]
- I'm coming, Sumo! - Clothes, Clarence! [Music.]
Sumo! - I'm here for you, buddy.
- Hey, man.
- Hey, what happened with the dragonfly? - Oh, yeah.
They won.
They totally own the yard now.
[Dragonflies buzzing.]
[Sip.]
It's pretty cool.
[Chuckles.]
So I guess you don't need my help? Nah.
Hey, is that a new shirt? Yep.
The tag's kind of stuck, though.
[Gasps.]
Mavis! She's still stuck.
I'm coming, Mavis.
[Grunts.]
Mavis! Mavis?! I'm sorry, Mavis! I'm coming! [Grunting.]
Here I come.
[Breathes sharply.]
Are you sure you never dug a tunnel before? 'Cause you're really good at it.
[Speaks indistinctly, chuckles.]
You like my eyebrows? So, you did it without old Clarence's help.
That's okay.
I'm happy you got out I guess.
Hmm.
Who else needs a good friend? [Group cheering.]
Yeah, Shannon! Good job! - Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! Shannon! Shannon, don't worry.
I'm here for you.
And because one kind young gentlemen refused to let me take the easy way out, I do de-Clarence, I found my confidence.
I realized I didn't need a prom date to feel good about myself.
All I gots to do is be little old Shanny-Wanny from Bacon, Georgia.
[Chuckles.]
[Cheers and applause.]
It's a shame I have to move back to Bacon immediately.
Goodbye, y'all.
I'll write you every day if you write me.
[Sighs.]
I guess everyone figured out their problems without me.
- Hmm? - Sorry, guys.
- Was I being a bad friend? - What? Clarence, you're a great friend.
But being a good friend means always being a friend who's there for your friend when your friend needs help or We know you'll always be there if we really need you.
Yeah, and we don't always got to be killing dragonflies, neither.
Sometimes we can just, like, hang out.
Oh.
Okay.
Do you guys want to hang out now? - Oh.
- Yeah, that sounds good.
We can hang out right now.
[Laughter.]
[Music.]
That snake is very venomous.
- So be careful.
- Hmm? Hmm? Wasting my time [Laughing.]
Yeah! These are my good habits Chicken, airplane, soldier.
- Chicken, airplane, soldier.
- Chelsea: You are so much fun, you guys.
But I never stop, feeling fine