Full House s02e22 Episode Script

This weekend, I'm going to tell her the three little words that every woman wants to hear.
I did something this morning with Todd that every woman in America fantasizes about.
And then.
It's a date.
I'll have my driver pick you up at 7.
You're making a really big mistake.
Oh, really? This is the last mistake I make with you because we're breaking up.
Well, fine.
Then, it's over.
And the blow-dried side of beef and I were gonna have dinner tonight with you.
I'm a jerk.
- I was gonna tell you that I love you.
- I love you too.
That means we're in love! Yes! We're in Nevada, let's get married right now.
Today.
I don't know what to say.
Will you marry me? What will happen? I don't know.
Will you marry me? Jesse, this is so.
Yes.
Have mercy.
- We gotta get married right now.
- Wait a minute.
Right now? Yes, we declared our love.
You said you'd marry me.
We're in Nevada.
- Let's do it! - Jesse.
Jesse, hold on a second.
This is crazy.
I never do things like this.
I always do things like this.
I love this.
Here.
Sit down.
Now, we gotta find a place to get married.
I need a phone book.
Here we go.
Now, what am I looking for? Place.
P.
P-L.
There's no wedding chapels here in Neva-- Wedding chapel, as in W.
I promise I'll be much smarter once we get married.
I've gotta get my hair done, find a dress, a place to have the reception.
Look at this: "The Ali Baba Hotel and Casino Wedding Chapel.
" Perfect, we can get married here in the hotel.
Okay, I've gotta call my mom, dad, Connie, Corky.
I better make a list.
Hello, this is Jesse Katsopolis, and I'm madly, I repeat madly in love with Rebecca Donaldson, and I gotta get married now.
- Jess, Jess, we'll need some flowers.
- Yes.
- And we have to hire a band.
- Okay, good.
Oh, and let's get those little matchbooks that say "Jesse and Rebecca.
" - I'm gonna need at least six months.
- Great.
They can take us in an hour.
- An hour? - Yes.
- Jesse, are you crazy? That's insane.
- This is magic, this is passion.
Man, this is spontaneity.
Look, we don't need a big wedding with all kinds of people.
Rebecca, all that matters is you and me and our pledging our love to each other.
When you put it that way, it does sound romantic.
It will be.
After we're married, we'll throw a party, invite our friends and family and a few others that might bring us really nice gifts.
But until we say "I do," this will be our little secret, okay? - Okay.
- All right.
Jess, I just can't believe we're gonna do this.
I feel like I'm flying.
Well, fasten your seat belt, babe, because we're about to take off.
Come in.
Why say "come in" when you don't mean it? You guys ready to go horseback riding? - Horseback--? - No, we, no.
We can't go horseback riding because we-- What? We're gonna run some emergency errands.
Yeah, emergency errands.
Are you guys hiding something? - "Are you guys hiding something?" - "Are you guys hiding something?" I don't get it.
Well, I have an idea.
Why don't you call your dad and see if he can go horseback riding.
- Right.
Stay right here.
- It's right here.
Use my phone.
- Have fun.
- That's right, have fun.
See you later, girls.
They're up to something.
Steph, we have a mystery to solve.
Let's be detectives, like S im o n a n d S im o n.
Okay.
But I get to be Simon.
Come on, baby.
Show me some similar fruit.
Fruit cocktail.
Pardon me, are you finished with that machine? You see, I have a system.
I play a row at a time, and you're in my row.
Sorry, but I can't leave this machine.
This morning I walked away from one and the next pull won the $100,000 jackpot.
Oh, yeah.
The whole casino has been buzzing about you.
You're known as the Jackpot Jerk.
Hey, it's Joey the Jackpot Jerk.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Shirley.
See this quarter? I'm saving it for the minute you leave that machine.
I have got a whole bucket of quarters that are gonna make me a winner.
Well, I have waited out three husbands.
And I can wait out you, honey.
- Hey, Joey.
- Hi, Danny.
Michelle, what are you all dressed up for? Her prom.
No, I'm gonna teach Michelle to swim like a fish.
- Are you ready to be a little fishy? - Big fishy.
Don't make me call security.
Come on, Daddy.
Swim.
Wait, Michelle, you're heading for the buffet.
Sweetie, somebody might mistake you for a jumbo shrimp.
Mr.
Katsopolis.
- Doesn't anybody shake hands anymore? - I am just so excited for you.
On behalf of the management of the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino and Wedding Chapel-- Hold it, I'm trying to keep this a secret, so we gotta.
Do you have a wedding ring? Because we have a fabulous jewelry store here at the-- Save it, I've been there already.
- Fabulous.
- Fabulous.
Look at this.
All right, I gotta get back to Becky.
I'll see you.
It's so strange, I feel like I'm being watched.
You're getting married.
Get used to it.
- See you at 2.
- Okay.
Our very first clue.
But it's an empty bag.
But it's from a jewelry store.
There goes Becky.
Let's follow her.
Well, that's it.
That's my last quarter.
It's your machine.
How could I lose? Well, it's simple, Shirl, you see you thought I spent my last quarter, but I didn't.
Yes.
Oh, baby, the curse is broken.
A $5 jackpot, and I am even.
Shirley, the key to responsible gambling is knowing when to walk away.
Twenty-five dollars.
Baby.
Baby.
Baby.
Hi, Becky.
- Imagine us running into you here.
- How did your secret errands go? Well, they weren't secret errands.
They were boring errands.
In fact, I can't even remember where I went or why I'm holding this bag.
- Becky, I just talked-- Hi, girls.
- Hello.
Jess, why don't you talk to me out in the hallway where the light is better.
That's right, the light is better.
Makes sense.
Quick, Steph, search the room.
Becky bought a new fancy dress.
And a blue headband.
Steph, look at this.
They drew a heart around the Ali Baba Wedding Chapel.
Uncle Jesse and Becky are getting married.
We solved the mystery.
Yay, we won.
We won.
Uncle Jesse and Becky are getting married? Girls, let us in.
Don't tell Uncle Jesse and Becky we know.
Get the blue headband off.
Go, go.
Run, quick.
Go.
Hurry.
Hurry.
- What's going on in here? - Oh, nothing.
The wind must've blew the door shut.
And locked it.
- Bye.
- Bye.
You think those two are up to something? Uncle Jesse and Becky are getting married.
I don't know why, but they don't want us to know about it.
So we gotta keep this a secret.
Me, keep this a secret? Do you know who you're talking to? - Hey, we're back.
- Hi, chicks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Michelle, how'd you like swimming in Lake Tahoe? Water too cold.
Girls, where's your Uncle Jess? Uncle Jesse? Never heard of him.
Somebody has a secret.
Let's see, if we wanna get information out of these two girls I think we ought to speak to.
- Stephanie.
- Stephanie.
Okay.
Come on, honey, you were born to blab.
Come on, you know you're dying to tell somebody.
Steph, come on.
There's nothing more fun than blabbing a big, juicy secret.
- Well.
- Fight it, Steph, fight it.
Spill those secret beans.
Pardon me one moment.
Jesse getting married? Jesse's getting married? Blabbermouth.
What makes you think Jesse's getting married? Uncle Jesse bought something at a jewelry store.
Becky bought a new dress.
And look, the biggest clue of all: There's a heart around the Ali Baba Wedding Chapel.
It does say 2:00 right here.
This is Jesse's handwriting.
Looks to me like Jesse and Becky are eloping.
Yeah, well, not if I can help it.
If they run off and get married like this, it will be a big mistake.
We got five minutes to put a stop to this wedding.
Jesse getting married.
I've gotta stop Jesse and Becky from eloping.
Danny, wait a minute.
You and Pam ran off and got married.
Yeah, and both of our families went crazy.
My mom cried for a month.
And I'm sure Jesse's forgetting how he felt.
He was only 13, but he was very upset.
He tried to beat me up.
Danny, he did beat you up.
Yeah, well, if you call a fractured rib beat up.
You know what you're doing? You know what you're wearing? Come on, let's go.
- I'm with her.
- Follow Michelle.
When did Michelle take over? By the power vested in me by the fabulous state of Nevada I now pronounce you husband and-- Stop.
You're making a horrible mistake.
I feel like a total idiot.
Well, you know what they say.
Clothes make the man.
Thank you very much.
Have a happy life together.
If you hurry, you can have your parking validated at the front desk.
- What are you guys doing here? - Jesse, don't do this.
I'm trying to save you from making the same mistake I made.
Don't you remember how angry you were when I eloped with your sister? Yeah, I beat you up.
And I may do it again.
We were gonna tell all of you tonight and throw a big party when we got home.
- Yeah.
- I don't mean to rush everybody but the Koppelmans have the chapel in 15 minutes.
Make that 12.
- All right, we better get going.
- Look, I'm sorry.
I just had to get that off my chest.
I want you both to know I love you very much and I wish you nothing but happiness.
Thank you, Danny.
Come on, the Koppelmans are breathing down your neck.
Get married already.
You are all here, I want you to stay.
This is my wedding day.
All right.
- You girls wanna be my bridesmaids? - Oh, yeah.
And I want you two boys to be my best man-- Best men.
Yeah.
Well, it's a good thing I wore my formal cabana suit.
Folks, all this chitchat is cutting into your 12 minutes, which is now eight.
Princess, you're going to be our little flower girl.
Music.
Places, everybody, places.
- This is it.
- I guess so.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here at the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino Wedding Chapel to share with these two people their commitment to journey together wherever life's roads may take them.
Where are you going? We're gonna stay here in San Francisco.
It means we'll always be together.
- Go ahead.
Thanks.
- Well, wait a minute.
What if I get a better job offer in New York? I mean then we'd have to move.
Excuse us one second.
Come here.
What do you mean, New York? It's just hypothetical.
I mean, it could be Los Angeles, Chicago, anywhere.
I just meant wherever life's journey takes me, we go together.
What's wrong with San Francisco? My family's there my band, my advertising career.
Five minutes.
No pressure.
We'll talk about it on the honeymoon, okay? Hurry up, people.
Hurry up.
Today, you begin your first day together as a family.
May your marriage be blessed with many, many children.
- And soon.
- Oh, well, not too soon.
What does "not too soon" mean to you? Well, I don't know.
Five, 10 years.
In five or 10 years I thought we'd have five or 10 kids.
Excuse us.
We'll be right back.
Ten kids? - What? - I have a lot to do in my career before I have children.
You're so good with kids.
- You'll make a great mother.
- When I'm ready.
Don't I have anything to say about this? Jess, I think we both have a lot to say about this.
Two-minute warning.
Move it, people.
We'll say it after we say "I do.
" Come on.
Let's cut right to the chase.
Do you, Jesse Katsopolis, take Rebecca Donaldson to be your wedded wife, till death do you part? Say, "I do.
" - I do.
- Do you, Rebecca Donaldson take Jesse Katsopolis to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and health, till death do you part? Say, "I do.
" I-- I-- I think I need more time to think this over.
Think fast.
You have 45 seconds until the Koppelman wedding.
Becky.
I'm sorry, Jesse, I can't go through with this.
I do.
Jess, it's Becky, can I talk to you? Hold on a second.
Hang on.
Yeah, come on in.
Crystal, yeah, free man now.
Saturday night? Oh, yeah, sounds great.
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.
Sorry, Crystal, gotta go, got another call.
Bye, Crys.
Hey, Beck, how you doing, babe? Good to see you.
How's it shaking? You don't have to put on this act.
Are you saying this smile isn't sincere? Jess, I'm really sorry about what happened.
I didn't wanna hurt you.
Please.
You hurt me? Come on, man.
You're talking to Jesse.
I'm a fighter.
I get knocked downI'm right back up again.
I'm on-- How could you do this to me? When you turned and walked out on me like that, it killed me.
I'm sorry, it's just that I needed time to think.
I mean, everything was happening so fast.
What's the matter with things happening fast? Can you honestly tell me that you were ready to get married move into my place, have children, turn your whole life upside down? That's the way I do things.
I see something, commit to it and go for it.
Jesse, we didn't even think it through.
When we were walking up the aisle and down the aisle and up the aisle and down, we discovered that we had big differences.
You know what, you're right.
Thanks for-- Thank you.
I'm glad we found this out.
You saved us from making a horrible mistake.
Thanks very much.
Jesse.
Listen to yourself.
Why does everything have to be all or nothing? Yes, we learned that we have some differences that we need to work out.
But we also learned we have something in common.
Like what? Like we love each other.
You still love me? Hey, I almost married you at the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino Wedding Chapel.
Now, that is love, babe.
Oh, my God, we almost got married.
It's just that I was so excited that you finally said you loved me.
It was such a wonderful feeling.
I didn't want it to end, so I proposed.
I just didn't think about the next day or the days after.
Why did you say yes, anyway? Are you crazy? I'm crazy about you.
Right back at you, babe.
So can we keep getting to know each other? Yes.
Yes.
Because when I get married, I want it to last forever.
You okay, Jesse? Yes, I'm okay.
You can come in now.
You didn't have to send in the munchkin spy.
We were just in the girls' room, and.
Waiting for the right time to send Michelle in.
Don't worry, everything's okay.
We're not getting married but we're still in love.
All right, so let's celebrate.
Put a little music on.
Oh, I'm glad it worked out.
That's nice.
Oh, now, there's a happy song.
Hey, the Tanners can make anything happy.