I Love Lucy (1951) s02e22 Episode Script

(I Love Lucy theme music plays) (crying softly) (crying louder) Aw, come on, sweetie, what's the matter? You've had your bottle.
There aren't any pins sticking in you.
You're dry as a bone.
What's troubling you? (crying lessens) (crying stops) (very loud crying) (loud crying) (crying stops) (crying) Lucy? Lucy, what's the matter? I don't know.
You mind if I try? Be my guest.
Now, you just come on to your Aunt Ethel.
(pounding from above) You settle right dow What's that? Mrs.
Trumbull upstairs.
She's been doing that all night.
I guess she's mad because Ricky's crying.
Oh, Mrs.
Trumbull's such a sweet old lady.
I can't imagine her getting that mad.
She must be hanging pictures.
On the floor? (crying) Aw, now, don't you pay any attention to that old crank.
You just settle down now and stop your crying.
Hey, what's going on up here? And what are you doing to my godson? We're sticking pins in him.
(crying) Fred, we just can't get him to be quiet.
Well, let me have him, Ethel.
What do you know about babies? Let me have him.
Well, okay.
Be careful now.
Put your hand under his head.
I know, I know.
Now be careful, Fred.
Do you know how to hold him and everything? Put your hand under his head.
I know how to hold a baby.
Hi.
Hi there, sunshine.
(whistling like a bird) Hello there, sunshine.
You want to hear the mockingbird? (imitating a mockingbird) Hear the mockingbird? Hmm? See? Well, anybody can make him stop crying for a minute.
Just wait till you put him down.
Yeah.
Now, listen, little fella, we're going to put you down and you're going to be a great big, brave boy and not make another sound, and make your Uncle Fred proud of you.
Okeydokey? Yeah, what a champ.
Nighty-night.
Just wait.
How'd he do that? Beginner's luck.
Beginner's luck, nothing.
It's my phenomenal memory.
Memory? Yeah.
It's not generally known, but I was a little bit of a baby boy myself once.
You know, to look at him now, it's hard to believe he was ever a little baby anything.
Well, what's the difference? The main thing is, Ricky's asleep.
Yeah.
Well, good night, honey.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Good night.
Oh! (crying) Oh! Oh! Ricky, what's the matter with you? Now look what you did.
You woke up the baby.
What you put the crib over here for? What? You shouldn't have put the crib over here! (pounding from above) (pounding continues) (crying) What's that? The art gallery upstairs.
Huh? Never mind.
I'll explain it to you in the morning.
(crying) Gee, I'm sorry I woke you up, old man.
Now that you got him awake and yelling, what are you going to do about it? Well, I apologized to him.
What else do you want me to do? I want you to put him back to sleep, that's what I want you to do.
Put him back to sleep? Honey, I had a hard night.
I've been working.
What do you think I've been doing? Well, honey, you're supposed to put him to sleep, and things like that- you're his mother.
Hey, I know.
Why don't you walk with him? Well, there's a fresh, new idea.
Oh.
You've been doing that.
Yeah.
(crying louder) Ricky, why don't you sing to him? Oh, honey, please, not tonight.
I'm so tired.
Come on, honey.
Oh (soft crying) (singing off-key:) Rockaby baby on the treetop (loud crying) When the wind blows, the cradle will rock All right! All right! All right! All right! All right! All right! All right! I give up! I give up! Anything is better than that.
Come on, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Oh, come on, boy.
Come on.
Come on, sweetheart.
(crying) (tries to quiet baby) Come on.
Rockaby baby on the treetop When the wind blows, the cradle will rock Da, da-da, dee-da, da, da-da dee (crying) Down will come baby, cradle and all Rockaby baby on the treetop When the wind blows, the cradle will rock Da, da-da, dee-da, dee da-da, da Hi.
Oh, hi, honey.
How's Little Ricky this morning? Oh, fine.
He slept the rest of the night.
Where are you going all dressed up? I'm going shopping.
I'm having a table of bridge tomorrow.
You are? So am I.
Really? Yeah.
Why mess up both apartments? Let's have them together.
Okay.
Let's have it up here, and we'll have lunch first.
All right.
Both make half the sandwiches up.
Yep.
Will you bring your card table, your teapot, and your cups? How many cups? Eight.
(door buzzer) Eight cups.
Okay, I'll bring 'em.
Who is that? Oh.
Mrs.
Trumbull.
Mrs.
Ricardo.
Well, Mrs.
Mertz, I'm glad I found you two together.
ETHEL: You are? How are you, Mrs.
Trumbull? As well as could be expected after two hours' sleep.
Oh, I'm sorry about that, Mrs.
Trumbull.
The baby was a little fussy.
He won't annoy you again.
No, I'm sure of that.
Perhaps you'll recall this piece of paper, Mrs.
Mertz.
Your lease? Yes.
"It is expressly understood that at no time will children be allowed to live in said building.
" Little Ricky.
He's a "children.
" Since it says "no children" in plain English, what excuse is there for Mrs.
Ricardo's baby? Uh uh He can't read.
"He can't read.
" Did the Ricardos sign a lease like mine, or didn't they? Of course they did, but they didn't have a baby till ten years later.
I'd expect them to do something underhanded like that.
Aw, now, Mrs.
Trumbull can't you be a little more understanding? I understand only one thing- either the Ricardos leave or I do.
Mrs.
Trumbull, I'd rather you didn't force me to make that decision.
Oh, Ethel, wait a minute.
You can't afford to have another vacant apartment.
Don't worry, Lucy, we can rent that apartment just like that.
And even if we couldn't, it wouldn't matter because my friendship with the Ricardos means more to me than all the money on Earth.
I'm not the only tenant who feels that way, Mrs.
Mertz.
I advise you to think it over.
Well, I advise you to think it over.
Well! Oh, Ethel, I can't let you do that.
You'll lose all your tenants.
We'll just have to move, that's all.
No, you're staying.
I won't let you out of your lease.
Oh, Ethel, you're just about the swellest friend a person ever had.
Now, Lucy, let's not talk about it.
If there's anything I can't stand, it's somebody who does something nice for somebody and then talks about it all the time.
All right.
Just forget it, honey.
I'll see you later.
Okay.
So long.
Bye.
And then the old prune said, "Either the Ricardos leave or I do.
" And then Lucy said, "Wait a minute, Ethel.
You can't afford to have another vacant apartment.
" And then what do you guess I said? What? I was there.
Oh, yes.
Well, I said, "Don't worry, Lucy.
"We can rent that apartment just like that.
"And even if we couldn't, it wouldn't matter, "because my friendship with the Ricardos means more to me than all the money on Earth.
" If I'd have been there, I'd have said the same thing.
Gee.
And then she said, "I'm not the only tenant who feels this way.
I advise you to think it over.
" And I said, "Well, I advise you to think it over.
" And then she flounced out of the apartment.
Ethel, I think that you're just wonderful.
Oh, it wasn't anything.
Let's not talk about it anymore.
Well, Lucy and I will never forget it, will we, honey? No, no, we never will.
Well, come on, Fred.
We've got a big day tomorrow- bridge, you know.
Bye.
Good night.
Bye, Lucy.
Good night.
Good night, Rick.
Good night.
Gee, honey, wasn't Ethel wonderful? Yeah.
Wonderful.
You don't sound very appreciative.
Oh, I am, I am.
In fact, I'm up to here with appreciation.
Huh? Well, it was nice of her, okay, but all day long, she's been reenacting her scene.
She told the mailman, the grocery boy, the cop on the beat.
This afternoon, she came down to the beauty parlor while I was there and played a matinee for the manicurist.
Well, maybe she got it out of her system by now.
I hope so.
Well, honey, it was nice.
Nice, yes, but Ethel acts as if she discovered penicillin.
And then the old prune said, "Either the Ricardos move, or I move.
" And then Lucy said, "Wait a minute, Ethel.
You can't afford to have another vacant apartment.
" And then I said, "Lucy, don't worry.
"We can rent that apartment just like that, "and even if we couldn't, it wouldn't matter, "because my friendship with the Ricardos means more to me than all the money on Earth.
" (door buzzer) And then she said, "Well, I advi " Oh, hi! Oh, that hat is adorable! (exchanging greetings) Yeah, how about that, huh? Dorothy, come here.
I've got to tell you Oh, it's been very exciting around here.
Wait'll you hear what happened yesterday morning.
You know that old Mrs.
Trumbull that lives upstairs? (door buzzer) Well, she came down here this morning Oh, too bad, honey, you're not going to be able to finish your story.
The rest of the girls are here.
Oh, well, listen Oh, hi! That is the cutest outfit! How about that, huh? (all talking) ETHEL: and then the old prune said, "Either the Ricardos leave this apartment, or I do.
" Oh, off all the nerve.
Isn't that awful? And then Lucy said, "Wait a minute, Ethel, you can't afford to have another vacant apartment.
" And then I said BOTH: "Lucy, don't worry.
We can rent "that apartment just like that, and even "if we couldn't, it wouldn't matter "because my friendship with the Ricardos means more to me than all the money on Earth.
" Well! I'm sorry, Ethel.
I just couldn't stand it any longer.
Oh.
You don't care how many tenants I lose, but you get awfully excited if I tell a couple of people about it.
A couple of people? Ethel, that scene has had more performances than South Pacific.
Well! That does it.
I'm leaving.
My half of the party come downstairs.
Go ahead! See if I care.
Come on, and bring that table- it's mine- and all those dishes.
And I'll take the sandwiches I brought up, too.
That's my sandwich.
Come on, girls.
Just a minute.
That is my tablecloth.
(door slamming) Oh, she makes me so mad (Little Ricky crying) Oh, she woke up the baby! (door buzzer) And keep that squalling brat quiet! (door buzzer) Oh! Mrs.
Ricardo, I've been trying to make up this afternoon for the sleep I lost last night.
My nerves are almost gone.
I'd I If I hear that baby cry once more, I'm going to send for the police.
The police? (crying continues) I'll be there, honey.
Lucy, I'm home! Lucy? Shh! Ricky, you'll wake up the baby.
Mrs.
Trumbull said if he annoyed her one more time, she was going to call the police.
What do I care what she says? We got Ethel on our team.
You'd better consult your program.
There's been a last-minute change in the lineup.
Huh? What are you talking about? Ethel and I had a fight.
What?! Well, I just couldn't stand it any longer.
Tallulah Mertz played her big scene three times at the bridge game today.
Finally, I just started acting it out with her.
Oh, Lucy, you didn't.
Well, she makes me so mad.
All right, honey, so she make you mad, but do you have to make a big fight out of it and lose your best friend? That's the most childish thing I've ever heard.
Well well, she did us a tremendous favor.
You don't know how a thing like that can get on your nerves.
I do, too.
And I also know what you're going to do right now.
What? You're going to get on that phone, call Ethel and apologize.
Apologize?! Oh, no, I'm not.
Oh, yes, you are.
Oh, no, I'm not.
Oh, yes, you are.
I am not! Hi.
How about some dinner? Dinner?! Yeah.
I'm hungry.
Fred Mertz, do you mean to tell me that you can even think of eating after what happened to me this afternoon? Well, no, I can't, but my stomach can.
Now, look, honey, you're making entirely too much out of this.
Too much?! Do you realize what happened to me up there today? We were having a perfectly nice bridge luncheon and I was telling the girls I know- you told me, you told me.
That's the trouble with you- you keep harping on things too much.
What?! Now, now, now.
I won't say that Lucy was right, but I'm getting tired of hearing that story myself, and I think the thing for you to do is to go up there and apologize.
Apologize?! Why? Well, because it's your fault as much as hers, and because you'll never be happy till you and Lucy make up, and because I'm hungry.
Well maybe if she apologizes to me first, why, then maybe I'll apologize to her.
Well, that's better.
Now come on.
Don't push me! Lucy, for the last time, are you going to get on that phone and call Ethel? No! All right, then you're going to go right downstairs and apologize.
Come on.
No.
Now, Ricky, stop.
Come on.
Lucy I apologize.
Ethel? So do I.
You really mean it? Yes, I really do.
Do you? Yes, I do, Ethel.
Oh, I'm sorry, Lucy.
So am I.
Okay, let's eat.
Yeah, come on, let's eat.
Okay.
What say we all eat up here together? Fine.
Let's eat here, fine.
Wonderful.
I'll fix something.
All right, go ahead.
Cook the dinner.
Fine, fine.
Good deal.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
What a pair.
Yeah.
You know, they'd die without each other.
Yeah, you know something? Lucy was right.
No.
Ethel was right.
Listen, listen, Ethel was harping on that story till even I was sick.
Well I guess Ethel has the habit of staying on a subject until it gets sickening.
What do you mean, "sickening"? Well, you know what I mean, Fred.
You just said yourself that sometimes you get sick of her.
Well, I'm supposed to get sick of her.
She's my wife.
Well, you don't have to get upset about it, Fred.
I was just agreeing with you.
Well, agree with me without making cracks about Ethel.
Well, I'm sorry, Fred.
You don't see me taking potshots at Lucy, although heaven knows I'm loaded with ammunition.
And what do you mean by that? I mean I'd rather be married to a blabbermouth than an ingrate.
Ingrate?! You don't even know what it means.
It doesn't matter.
I don't like the way you looked when you said that.
Ingrate! Tu lo que un viejo muy atrevido, muy bruto y muy sinverguenza! Oh, now, listen, you Cuban crumb! Oh, I'd better get out of here before I bust your nose.
Yeah, well, I'd like to see you try it! Break you in pieces! You and who else?! I'll massacre you! (both shouting) They're fighting! What about? (Little Ricky crying) Mrs.
Ricardo.
Mrs.
Ricardo! Mrs.
Ricardo! Come on now.
Come on now, then.
Go ahead now, Fred, apologize.
Tell Fred you're sorry, Ricky.
Oh Why don't you apologize together? Look, now you say "I'm sorry, Fred," and you say, "I'm sorry, Ricky.
" Now, I'll conduct.
One, two, three.
I'm sorry, Ricky.
I'm sorry, Fred.
There you are! You see? That wasn't so hard.
I'm glad that's over.
I didn't mean it when I called you a Cuban crumb.
That's all right, Fred.
I didn't mean it when I called you un viejo sinverguenza, atrevido y bruto.
Yeah, that's all right, too, but what does it mean? If I told you, we'd start fighting all over again.
(all laughing) You know, for four grown-up people, we've been acting pretty childish.
Yeah, we're bigger babies than Little Ricky.
Little Ricky! We left him alone! Oh, no! Oh, thank goodness he isn't crying.
Shh, shh.
Mrs.
Trumbull! Mrs.
Ricardo, you should be ashamed of yourself- running off and leaving this poor, little child alone.
Don't you worry, dear.
You'll always have me around to see that nobody leaves you alone again.
(I Love Lucy theme music plays) WGBH access.
wgbh.
org ANNOUNCER: Mrs.
Trumbull was played by Elizabeth Patterson.
The clubwomen were Vivi Janiss, Charlotte Lawrence, Margie Liszt, Peggy Rea, June Whitley, and Kay Wiley.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
This is the CBS television network.