Liv and Maddie (2013) s02e22 Episode Script

Okay, move it.
Move it, move it.
This is not a drill.
Special assembly! Special assembly! Diggy and I broke up, um, because he decided to be a foreign exchange student Uh, since then we haven't really seen each other much, but, I mean, we're still great friends.
Conversation just kinda flows like it used to.
Uh - Great chat.
Such a good chat.
- Yeah, totally.
Great.
- Go, porcu pines.
- Pork All right, let's go, people! One, two, three, eyes on me.
Four, five, six, shut your faces! Last weekend, I had a run-in with a wild porcupine.
Because of that, I will not be sitting down any time soon.
They're really cute, but they're killers.
Yeah, that's why the porcupine's our mascot.
Was your mascot.
We have a new one, which honors our proud Wisconsin heritage.
I introduce the Ridgewood butter! What?! - Mm-hmm.
- The butter? That's so dumb.
We're the porcupines.
Yeah, you can't just take Paulie.
- He's part of our family.
- This is a travesty.
I just finished hand-knitting my Paulie sweater.
The angry human, leprechaun-dude is right.
Butter's no kind of mascot.
A decision's been made and the porcupine is out! Meet Bobby butter stick! Whoo! Hey! Ridgewood! Butter! Ridgewood! Butter! Whoo! Oh, come on, people.
Where's your school spirit? Turn those boos into boo-tter.
Home alone.
House to ourselves.
Yeah, we make the rules today.
It's gonna get crazy! Hey, do you have any coasters? Do you not understand the meaning of "crazy"? Parker's school is off today.
He's home alone, but I trust him.
Mom is checking in every five minutes.
Make that every three minutes.
I don't have coasters, but I do have the cloud-inator 9000.
Whoa! A new robot? Parker, what did I do to deserve you? This machine will create a rain shower right here in this living room.
Why would we want that? Because we both love tomatoes, but hate store prices.
Take that, grocery man.
Time to make it rain.
Oh, dear.
Shut it down.
Shut it down! That was so cool! Only three people could make lightening: Mother nature, Thor, and my homey Dr.
P.
B-u-t, t-e-r! Butter is the best by far No, who destroyed our mascot? Last night, the enemies of butter struck.
This was all that they left! We need to find out what t.
R.
S.
P.
Stands for.
I know exactly what t.
R.
S.
P.
Stands for.
Team Rooney ski patrol.
Our family went on a ski trip last winter and mom made us all matching beanies.
It was definitely a Rooney.
A Rooney did this! Not me, though.
I was cutting the ribbon at the new stop-and-shop dairy aisle.
All the Rooneys are suspects, except for you, you beautiful little rat.
I'm gonna be honest.
I wish I didn't enjoy that as much as I did.
Bop! Last night I left the school at 7:00 for my mani-pedi.
When I returned at 9:00 pm to change out of my flip-flops, the Ridgewood butter had been vandalized.
This was at the scene of the crime! I need alibis from each of you.
Where were you last night? Pete and I were at a cooking class.
Me?! You think I'm capable of vandalism? I've watched a pack of butterflies peck a man to death.
Who knows what you're capable of, sugarplum.
Cooking class wasn't even my idea.
We got a gift card in the mail.
Uh, okay, well, I didn't do it, but I can't really tell you where I was.
Well, well, then you're free to leave.
- Sick! - Sit back down! - Answer the question! - Okay.
Um, okay, uh I was Yodeling.
We made paella.
I was gonna have it for lunch today, solid alibi.
A little skimpy on the shrimpy.
All right, fine! I'll talk.
I wasn't yodeling by myself.
I was yodeling with With Artie.
- Where were you? - Not telling.
- Where were you? Where were you? - Not telling.
Not telling.
- Where were you?! - Not telling! - Pie-ella? - Oh, no, no, no, no.
Paella.
Yodeling's really great for my voice.
And Artie's, like, weirdly amazing at it.
Last night, Artie and I were rehearsing.
And we were wearing blindfolds to help us visualize the lush, green hills of Switzerland.
It seriously worked.
I smelled cow and strudel.
Then I guess you'll have no problem proving your story by yodeling with Artie before tonight's game.
I am not telling! Give me an alibi or your suspended from tonight's game.
What?! No! It's the first game of the state tournament! Maddie, we need you in that game.
- Tell her where you were! - I just can't! Okay?! Until you prove differently, say bye-bye to b-ball.
Oh.
Sorry, just trying to break up some of the tension.
Joey, what are you doing? The school needs a mascot.
And I, Bobby butter stick, will be that mascot.
Yeah, dude, you're butter, not Batman.
For now.
So returning to the scene of your crime? I keep telling you I didn't do it, but I need to figure out who did so I can play in tonight's game.
I just have literally no idea who would do something like this.
Hmm.
Oh, hey! Dump truck, you're a dirt bag.
Whoa.
That's a very derogatory term.
I prefer to be known as a shady American.
So did you vandalize the mascot? Nah, all my vandalisms have a certain level of pizazz.
Milk bombing the talent show, cake batter in the water fountains, diarrhea Tuesdays.
They all say "class.
" Ugh, yeah, no, you're right.
You are way too small-time to pull off something this sophisticated.
Whoa, hey, yo! Those words cut deep.
I may project a tough exterior, but I am a very sensitive soul.
Okay.
Well, if he didn't do it, who did? You're forgetting the most important piece of evidence, Maddie.
- What's that? - You did it! Okay, uh, I know it looks bad, but I didn't do it.
I mean, Joey, someone must have framed me.
Well, that only happens if someone has an ex-boyfriend with an axe to grind.
An ex-boyfriend with an axe to grind! Are you saying diggy did this? Uh, no, I'm pretty sure you're saying diggy did this.
You're right, I am! Hey, hey, hey, what'd I tell you? Hey, stop.
I'm letting this thing loose in the cafeteria.
Yeah, is that good enough for you? Okay.
Artie, this performance has to be perfect if I'm gonna be cleared as a suspect.
Fret not, fraulein.
Our fans will finally see us together in front of the whole school together! Did I say together? I meant as one.
Ugh! Stop being so Artie, Artie.
No, no, no, no.
Half donkey, half owl.
- Oh, that was pretty good.
- Really? We don't want pretty good! We want perfect! Um, 'cause no.
But I have a solution.
Swiss chocolate! It opens the esophagus and provides the proper amount of phlegm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yodel forth, my alpine aphrodite.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
The Swiss chocolate really worked.
Can't miss with the Swiss, girl.
I think we just about fixed it.
Where'd you get all the chair material from? Oh, it's my newest invention, "Parker patches," made from old underwear and banana peels.
Now, just a little more Parker paste over here.
And we're done.
Ah, nice work, Dr.
P.
Ahh, my tush is feeling this cush.
And now my tush is feeling stuck.
I can't get - Up close and personal.
- Mm-hmm.
Did you start wearing cologne? The ladies enjoy it.
Ooh, there's diggy.
Now, if you want to play in the state tournament tonight, you have to interrogate him.
What? No.
Joey, diggy didn't do it.
Oh, I get it.
You're scared to talk to your ex-boo.
Don't worry, babe.
Bobby butter stick's got your back.
Why? What? No, what are you doing? No! Diggy, my man, what's up? Anything new? Oh, and where were you last night when someone vandalized the butter?! Ow.
I was playing basketball in the park.
Oh, okay, were you with anybody else? No, I was by myself.
So no one was there to vouch for you.
Dun, dun, duh! He did it.
He's got a tell.
When he's lying, his eyes get extra smoldery.
- Ugh! - Yeah, come on.
Let's go tell Kneebauer and get you cleared to play.
No, we're not doing that! I know that diggy didn't do it.
So last night I went out on my run.
And I happened to see that he was shooting hoops in the park so I just decided to hide behind a tree and watch him for a couple minutes.
Well, that is super weird.
But still, I mean, he could have done it after you left.
Yeah A couple minutes turned into, like, a couple hours.
Oh, you want to get back together.
No! I don't! And besides, it's not gonna happen.
I mean, he's going to Australia.
All right, all right, whatever you say.
Winkety, wink, wink, wink.
Come on, let's go tell everyone your alibi.
You were watching diggy from behind a tree for hours.
No! Joey, we're not doing that! We're not gonna tell anyone that 'cause it's not an alibi 'cause nobody saw me.
Hey, Maddie.
I saw you hiding behind a tree in the park for hours last night.
Boom! Alibi! No, I don't want diggy to know I was there.
We just have to find a clue so we can figure out who framed me.
Yeah, you've got to find your perp.
Wait! "Perp" is the beginning of "purple," which is the color of our uniforms! Is that a clue?! No.
Lacey, that is not a clue.
I'm not even sure it's a thought.
What about the smudges on that beanie? - Is that a clue? - No, Lacey, that's not a clue.
Oh, wait, yes! That is so a clue! What is that? Is that is that paint or blood? - I I can't tell.
- Whoever planted that beanie must have had that gunk on their hands.
You figure out what those smudges are and you figure out who did this.
I think this is a job for Dr.
P.
Oh.
Superintendent Kneebauer's bumper.
Does this meet your high standards, you vandal-snob? Parker, I need your help! Can you help me figure out what these smudges are? Thanks.
Aren't you at least gonna ask how we got stuck to this chair? Uh, you built a cloud that shot a lightening bolt into mom's brand-new chair, which you then fixed with Parker paste, which has now bonded your butts to the cushion and Reggie started wearing cologne.
Whoa.
All right, now, please help me figure out what those smudges are before my game tips off.
To the laboratory! You know, I am not loving that cologne.
It isn't for you.
Ridgewood! Butter! Ridgewood! Butter! For tonight's game, for your listening enjoyment and to prove an alibi, I give you the Ridgewood yodeling club.
Whoo! Maddie! I come to you not as a brother but as a mascot.
This is the playoffs, dude.
You worked all season for this moment.
Just go tell Kneebauer you were watching diggy.
Ugh, man.
Ha! I cannot believe I have to admit to this.
I'm gonna be mortified.
Okay.
No, it's okay.
Stay there.
Just stay.
Superintendent Kneebauer, I have something that I need to tell you.
Everyone, stop! After extensive testing, we determined that the smudges are chocolate of a Swiss origin.
I figured it out because I licked it.
So what did you need to tell me, Rooney? That I just solved the crime.
I know who vandalized the mascot! It was Artie smalls! Whoa! What? Artie set up a late-night yodeling practice with Liv yesterday.
He had her wear a blindfold to imagine the lush, green hills of Switzerland, but really it was so that he could sneak off.
Do it again.
Yodel like you mean it! Okay.
Again! Less donkey, more owl.
Okay.
And that's when Artie and his minions vandalized the butter, but he just couldn't keep his hands off the chocolate, Swiss chocolate.
And that's when he planted the beanie Which he created using his advanced knitting skills.
And then made sure that the rest of my family all had alibis.
Wait, so you were the one that tricked me into going to the dairy-aisle opening.
They called security.
Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be butter, escorted out of a dairy aisle?! My yodeling.
- Our paella gift card.
- No, no, no, no.
Pie-yaaya.
It was Artie in the hallway with the butter knife.
Dun! Dun! Duh! A fun tale you weave, Madison.
But no one will ever believe you.
I believe her.
Mostly because I don't like your face.
My only question is why would you frame me? Why?! I'll tell you why.
Because you dumped my brother diggy! Hey, hold on a second here.
Yous two's is brothers? - Obviously! - Yeah.
That plan was for the smalls brothers and the Rooney sisters to live happily ever after, but now only Liv and I are a couple.
Because you broke my poor brother's heart.
- I I - Artie.
Maddie didn't dump me.
I broke up with her.
Also Liv Rooney and Artie smalls are not a couple! Liv Rooney and Artie smalls will never be a couple! Thank you.
You dumped her?! Why have you stopped sharing your life with me, dear brother? Because you stuff like this! Well, mom says I'm acting out because my role model keeps running off to foreign countries like Tundrabania and Australia, and Maddie, you can play in the game.
Yes! Artie, you're mine.
Minions, protect me! Oh, please.
Suit up, mads.
It's game time.
Hey, mad-dog Rooney was born suited up! Bam! What?! You missed a spot.
Attention, everyone.
Yeah.
Listen up to me.
Okay.
Shut your faces! So in celebration of coach Rooney and the girls basketball team's first-round victory, superintendent Kneebauer has agreed to give us back our mascot.
Let's go, butter! Let's oh.
What what's Paulie doing here, guys? Oops, I forgot to tell you.
We're back to porcupines.
What?! No.
No, no, no.
I'm Bobby butter stick! I burned all my other clothes.
Paella.