Suburgatory (2011) s02e22 Episode Script

Daddy had decided to blend families with my high-school nemesis.
Our house closed, and so did our conversations.
So, what's the plan here Tess? You still have another year of school.
Live with my grandmother, commute to Chatswin, finish up, get the hell out.
You gonna tell me I can't? 'Cause I'm almost 18.
No, I am not saying you can't.
I'm saying I wish you wouldn't.
Well, there's lots of things I wish you wouldn't do, like continue to make decisions with no regard for my feelings.
I know that's what it seems like I'm doing, but I assure you I Why don't you just keep telling yourself that, George? 'Cause I'm not gonna be around to hear it.
Tessa! - Tessa.
- I hope the three of you are happy together.
Have a nice life.
Oh, and Dalia doesn't even like you.
She's just using you to make her real dad jealous.
So good luck with that! Tessa, can I just say that I didn't know what was going on with you and Dalia? Had I known, I I never would've accept I've never seen her like this before.
- Are we making a mistake? - Mm.
- Maybe this is all too much.
- No.
No.
I I read every one of those books that Sheila gave me, and they all said the same thing.
You can't let the kids call the shots.
We as parents have to do what's right for the family.
What if we're wrong about what's right? Daddy Altman? Since we're gonna be one big happy family now, will you take me to the father-daughter Purity Ball? The what? The father-daughter Purity Ball.
This is our chance to restore decency, to take our daughters gently by the weave and say, "slow down, you little ratchet.
" Hmm.
Do the girls have to be pure to attend? Because I'm not showing any virgins currently enrolled here.
Oh, I think we have at least one.
But I'm not here to boast about Lisa's late-blooming.
The times, they have A-changed, and it is up to us to A-change them back.
Hi, grandma.
It's me, Tessa.
Tessa! Are you well? I'm okay.
I've been better.
Um I need something.
I mean I mean, I need you, if possible.
Tessa, you're making me nervous.
What's going on? It's nothing.
It's just my dad.
I don't want to live with him anymore, which is why I was wondering if it might be possible for me to come live with you next year.
Well, you know I'm not really set up for a second person.
You know, with just the one bathroom.
Right.
Oh, sweetie, I hate to disappoint you.
How about you come again for part of the summer? Is it okay if I call you back later? O okay.
Bye-bye.
Mom? Who was that? Tessa.
Since grand-mama had left me for the wolves, I sought refuge in the one place that I had always felt safe.
You're leaving.
She's leaving.
What's gonna happen to me? You'll be fine.
You'll be queen of the Purity Ball.
Mm, well technically, that's impossible.
Malik's been buttering my bread since President's day.
Don't tell mom.
I can't believe I am in boxes again.
I feel like I just got out of boxes.
O.
M.
G.
, George! Look.
This one in Chatswin Hills has a custom leather living room.
Leather living room? It's a work of art.
It's an overpriced wooden box.
Look at the square footage.
It's tiny.
Check out the lot size.
We could always expand.
We could expand.
What kind of couch would you put in a leather living room? Me, I'd probably do a marble sectional.
Sounds comfy.
While George and Dallas were out looking for a new love nest, I was adjusting to life in the toilet.
Oh.
This looks lovely.
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
So does your dad know you're living in a restroom? He thinks I'm at Helen's.
Why don't you stay at our place? Because, Lisa.
Because.
Yeah.
No.
That's true.
I'm just tired over of it, you know? I'm just tired of everybody expecting I'm just gonna do whatever the hell they want.
Amen.
And that I'm just gonna grin and bear it? Well, I'm done grinning and I'm done bearing it.
You should see this dress that my mother wants me to wear to this Purity Ball of hers.
It's a frickin' bridal gown.
Do they not realize that we are almost adults? They can't just tell us how it's gonna be anymore.
And we're not just gonna choke down a cup of undercooked neon noodles just to avoid hurting some homeless woman's feelings.
That was delicious, though.
Thank you.
But, George leather living room! I know.
And did you see that lighting fixture? It was rustic meets sparkly.
It was the perfect representation of us.
Well, maybe we can find a lighting fixture like that and put it in a house that's still on the market, because that one has an accepted offer.
Unless you wanna put in a backup offer.
Yeah, but you don't love it.
Well, no, but, uh, I could live with it.
I could learn to love it.
I gotta get going.
I gotta run by home and get ready for my big date with Dalia.
Um, George? - Yeah? - Can I be honest with you? I'm not real sure you should be taking Dalia to this event.
Dalia wants to go.
If I don't take her, who will? Hi, Dallas.
That's a nice dress.
Is is Cavalli? He's not her father.
He can't be parading around like he's her father.
Steven, you need to find another way to express yourself.
You can't go around punching people.
I don't go around punching people.
I just punch him.
I I don't know what it is.
I just find him very punchable.
- Mommy, is he okay? - Yeah, he's he's okay.
Hey, you leave my daughter alone! I thought that was your job.
- Ooh! Daddies! Stop fighting over me.
What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were off living in Singapore.
I am in Singapore! Ooh! Hey! That reminds me my beautiful wife Wan'er! Come on! Hello! - Hello! - Hello! I want that tiny hat.
Sweetheart, give her the tiny hat.
- No.
- Yes.
Wan'er, I've heard so much.
Hey, George, sorry about the punching, but I need to impress upon you that I am her father.
Just because I'm not around doesn't give you the right Yes, it does! It gives me every right, you big baby.
Being a father isn't a title you hold like a some fighter's belt.
It's an active job.
And if you aren't there to do it, somebody else has to.
Stop hitting daddy Altman! You stop calling him that! I'm so starving, you guys.
- Can we go get sushi? - I could do sushi.
George? Rainbow roll? I don't think George feels like a rainbow roll.
Sheila, we have a doorbell! As your broker, I wouldn't have let myself in if it wasn't important, and it is.
The place you saw today? That place Dallas fell in love with? The offer fell through.
They couldn't get their financing together.
I I cannot think about this right now, Sheila.
I have a face wound.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
Let's weigh all the options.
You can rent something and flush your money down the toilet.
You can move in with Dallas and be her bitch.
Or I can man up and buy the place my lady is crazy about.
It is squeaky-clean, George.
Copper piping.
Closets by Claudia.
Claudia? And it is a massive lot.
Mature trees.
Dogwoods up the wazoo.
- You know something, Sheila? - What? You're good at your job.
How does she do it, folks? She kills it on the work front, she crushes it at home, and in her spare time Fred? Why aren't you two dressed for the Purity Ball? - You're gonna be late.
- Have a seat, dear.
No, I will not have a seat.
Our community is expecting me, just as they are expecting the two of you.
Well, Sheila, I do believe their expectations are not going to be met.
W not tonight.
Lisa? Lisa! You're finally gonna be the queen of something.
You're a lock! Yeah, that's the thing, mother.
I'm not a lock.
Oh, you are too a lock.
She's not a lock, Mrs.
Shay.
Oh, I see.
This is your way of telling me the two of you have been engaging in premarital sex.
- Is that it, Lisa? - No.
No, I've never had sex.
Oh, thank God! I But I have made love.
Ooh, Fred! The bucket! I can't fathom why you would need a bucket, mother.
I love Malik, and Malik loves me.
And we've made love to each other many, many times, and it's been fantastic.
Welp congratulations, Lisa.
One of your most redeeming qualities isn't yours after all.
My first time was with a girl I wasn't really in love with.
And although I grew to care deeply for your mother, there are times I wish I'd trained with someone a bit more tender.
You know? So bless you both for being brave enough to follow your hearts.
With Lisa out of the picture, Sheila had to cast her net a little wider.
Inside every girl is a beautiful gift.
Where's the gift from? Is it from the juniors' section? No, it's not from the juniors' section.
The point is, the gift must never be given away Oh, snizz! That's my jam right there! Girls, stop that! No female role model has the last name "Minaj.
" Thanks to the Purity Ball, I had music.
I was getting three squares out the school vending machine.
I'd never been better.
What are you doing here? I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad that we broke up.
Cool.
So am I.
It's gonna make it a lot easier for me to leave for college now that we're no longer in love.
Great.
So leave.
I will.
The door's right here.
That's not how you leave.
You don't know how I leave.
Ironically, the playlist for the Purity Ball was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes When you want something to be true All right, there's a little step coming up right now.
You'll do anything to convince yourself that it is.
- And sometimes - Stay right there.
Even a blindfold can't stop you from seeing things clearly.
Those better be tears of joy.
We got the place, Dallas.
It's ours.
George, I can't.
You you're kidding right now.
I know you did this for me.
I know you do everything for me.
- But in your heart - You're not kidding.
- In your heart - Are you crazy? - In your heart - Don't tell me what's in my heart! Dallas, what? I bought a house with a leather living room.
My own daughter hates my guts! I know! And I know you've been trying real hard to prove everything, and that's exactly what it feels like, George.
I am like this house.
You learned to love me.
But it's not the same thing as being in love with me.
You aren't.
And I don't think you ever were.
You know something? You're the one that doesn't love you, Dallas.
You.
And that's why you have sabotaged this at every turn.
I have jumped through every freaking hoop, and you keep moving the hoop! I'm never gonna convince you, am I? I'm sorry.
Oh, I I agree.
This is very sorry.
You know, I I should've listened to Tessa.
She told me Dalia was trying to play Steven and me against each other.
She had her dad fly in to punch me out? - What, did that give her some kind of weird satisfaction? - I had her father fly in! I called Steven.
I did.
Why? Because I didn't want her feeling attached to you anymore.
How did this happen? Well, I'll tell you one thing! There's no way that lighting fixture stays! You hear me?! I'm getting rid of that ugly-ass chandelier that represents us! You're going down.
I got you now, you tacky, gaudy, ugly-ass, son of a What the hell are you looking at? You better not be a girl.
Good.
Let's go.
I didn't bother waking Ryan up to say good-bye.
We'd already said good-bye.
He was going his way, and I was bound to go mine.
I just didn't know which way I was going Not yet.
Hey, third cousin Jeff.
It's me, Tessa.
Altman.
I understand.
Yeah, anyway, it was good to catch up.
Yeah, and if your mom changes her mind Okay.
Thanks, Rosie.
Hey, uh do you know if Chelsea has the same number? Thanks.
Hey! Hey! Oh, sorry.
Not you.
I think that's My mother.
- Hey! - Hey! Um, excuse me.
Sorry.
Um excuse me.
Alex.
- Hi! - What are you doing here? I thought you were back in Berlin.
I was supposed to be, but Berlin just seemed so far from things, so I I thought maybe I would try something else for a while.
Chatswin? Look, Tessa, no pressure whatsoever, really.
I just wanted to be around in case you ever wanted me around.
For someone who was never around, she showed up at just the right time.
Hey, it's Tessa.
Leave a message.
Hey, Tessa, it's your dad.
I I guess I just I just I'm calling 'cause I just wanna say Sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're sleeping over, right? I'm living here.
No.
But I want to.
I know mommy doesn't want me attached to you, but it's kind of already too late.
You're a really good dad.
I don't feel like a really good dad.
But you are one.
Can I sleep here one night? He'd like you to.
Just, um let her know where you are.
Carmen usually sings to me.
Okay.
What's your probs? There's an ocean formed outside my bedroom door on the sleepless nights, I listen to it roar there's a road too long to walk, too steep to climb at the end of it is what you left behind and when that train rolls in if the doors open, don't get in last night I had a pleasant nightmare da-da-da-da da-da-da-da da-da-da-da da, da, da, da I said, da-da-da-da da-da-da-da da-da-da-da da, da, da, da