The Proud Family (2001) s02e22 Episode Script

Papi, why are you watering
my lawn half-naked?
Papi!
Stop!
(Oscar groaning)
(Oscar yelling)
(laughs)
Papi! No!
Put the hose down!
Help me!
Help me!
(Oscar yelling)
Oscar, you okay, bro?
Oh, yeah. I’ve always
wanted to be a rectangle.
That’s it, Felix!
I’m tired of this!
This the third time
he’s done this this week.
It’s my fault.
He must have misunderstood me.
See, I told him to run his bath,
not water your grass.
Why would he confuse those two?
Come on, man, he’s old.
Look, we need
to keep this between us,
do you understand me?
He’s already got
two strike against him.
One more, and Sunset said
he’s got to go.
And I don’t know if she’s
going to make me go with him,
-you know what I’m saying?
-(Sunset) Felix!
(rumbling)
(explosions)
Felix, that’s it!
He is outta here!
(speaking Spanish)
I guess that's it for me.
(cackles)
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
-They make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family. ♪
Yeowch!
(German accent) Here at the Old Sweet
Happy Endings Retirement Resort,
we treat all our resident guests
as if they were
still productive members
of society.
(grunts)
(laughs)
Oh, what is that great smell?
(speaking Spanish)
It's definitely not the gray beast.
(laughs)
Ooh, that’s a little something
our resident Chef Wolfgang Puck
is whipping up
for our midday snack.
I told you
this was a nice place, Felix.
Oh, man, you were right!
Hey, why don’t we move here
and leave Papi in the house?
Mom, Dad,
you can’t leave Papi here.
He’ll be all alone.
The last thing he’ll be here
is alone.
His days will be filled
with endless activities
from gardening to golfing
and hang gliding.
And this is your suite,
Herr Papi.
(together)
Hi, Papi.
(speaking Spanish)
Ooh Sweets for my suite!
(laughs)
Our staff
of Swedish massage therapists
will revitalize
his withering bones.
I don’t like this place.
And I’m really not crazy
about the bedonk-adonk sisters.
(in Spanish) Of course you aren't.
They're everything you're not.
(laughs)
Bye, Papi!
I’m going to visit you
every day.
Ooh, but that won’t be possible.
Visiting hours are only on Saturdays
from 2:00 to 4:00.
During the week, Papi could be
at any one of our sister resorts,
in Paris, Rome, Rio.
Rio? I think Papi’s going
to need a chaperone me-o.
Don’t even think about it, Felix.
Bye, Papi.
Hey, Papi.
How about one for the road?
(in Spanish)
How about one for the toad.
Oooooh! That man sure can kiss!
Bye, Papi.
And cut!
Okay, people, that’s a wrap.
Great job, everyone!
See Fritz on your way out
to pick up your checks.
(gasps)
(laughing)
(laughter continues)
Let’s tear down the set, please.
Schnell!
Okay, old man.
These are the rules.
Time is money.
And money is okra.
And if you’re not picking okra,
you’re wasting my time
und my money.
So, get to work!
(groans)
(horse neighs)
Fill these buckets
by dusk
or your stay at Happy Endings
won’t be very happy.
(in Spanish) Oh no! Help me!
Suga Mama! Suga Mama!
Come on,
it’s just down the street.
LaCienega, they’re not going
to let us in to see Papi.
They said you can only visit
on Saturday.
I can see my Papi
any time I want to.
And if they don’t like it,
tough.
I miss my Papi.
-Where is everybody?
-Hey!
The door is open.
Let’s go in!
Guys, I think we should come back
at the regular visiting hours.
I want to see
my Papi now!
Hello?
Anybody here?
(Penny) Okay, we better get out of here
before we get in trouble.
No, something’s wrong!
Where is everybody?
They could be in Rio, Paris,
or at one of their other sister resorts.
Good. Pool party, y’all!
Let’s go swimming!
Ow!
Penny! Hey!
Hey, guys, look!
(crows cawing)
Hey, there’s Papi!
Papi!
(low growling)
Guys, I think we better
get out of here!
What about Papi?
We’ll get out parents and come
back for him! Come on!
Hey! Where y’all going?
Don’t leave me!
Come back here!
Hurry, Mommy, Daddy!
We got to save Papi!
Calm down, LaCie.
I’m sure Papi’s fine.
For the money it cost me
to have him placed here?
He better be fine.
I know his Swedish therapists
are fine. Ha, ha!
Ow!
Oh, what a pleasant surprise.
It’s so good to see all of you again.
It won’t be good after
we tell you why we’re here.
After you tell me what?
Don’t play innocent with us,
Helga.
You know
what she’s talking about.
Could someone please
explain to me what’s going on?
My daughter and her
friends seem to think
that Papi and the other
residents are being abused.
Yeah, she says that you have
them in the field picking okra.
(laughs)
Oh, that’s so absurd.
They also tell us that
the inside of the resort
is nothing but a facade.
(laughs)
Oh, "tweens" have
such vivid imaginations.
-(laughs)
-I’ve heard enough of your jibber jabber.
Now let us see Papi.
Did I tell you
how much we enjoy
having Mr. Boulevardez here?
Ooh, his laugh is so infectious,
I think it goes something like this
(laughs like Papi)
-Right?
-No, it’s more like
(laughs like Papi)
Not even close. It’s like
(laughs like Papi)
Enough, hyenas.
Can we just see Papi?
(laughing)
Oh, yeah.
I think you girls were right.
Papi is being tortured.
Yeah, I’d like to be
tortured like that.
Wouldn’t you, Bro?
(laughing)
Maybe you girls
just made a mistake.
I’m telling you guys,
the food, the fun,
the trips,
it’s all an illusion!
-Mm-hmm.
-A figment of your imagination!
Yeah, and that pool
isn’t even real.
I’ll prove it to you.
(screams)
(Sunset) Okay, girls.
We’ve seen enough.
Let’s get out of here.
I’m sorry. You’ll have
to excuse my daughter.
Oh, that’s quite okay.
Just know that Herr Boulevardez
is in great hands.
Und cut!
Oh, that was a great impersonation
of Herr Boulevardez.
You even had
that ridiculous laugh down.
(moaning)
Back to work, you old geezers!
Achtung!
(laughs like Papi)
(Papi)
Oh, no!
I can’t believe this.
I know what I saw.
(thumps)
(gasps)
(thumping)
(gasping)
Suga Mama!
Suga Mama, what
are you doing?
Look, now, I don’t have time
for questions.
But I know whoever that man was
on that massage table,
it wasn’t Papi.
Papi’s feet ain’t never
been that small.
So, you do believe us?
You’re darn tootin’!
Come on. I got the other girls
and Sticky in the car.
We going to save Papi!
-Penny!
-Hey!
(heavy rock beat playing)
Yeah ♪
Yeah ♪
Yeah ♪
-What you want to do? ♪
-Break out ♪
The coast is clear.
Let’s roll.
-What you wanna do? ♪
-Break out ♪
Come on, y’all,
it’s time to break out ♪
-Tell me what you wanna do ♪
-Break out ♪
-Tell me what you’re tryna do ♪
-Break out ♪
-What you want to do? ♪
-Break out ♪
Come on, y’all,
it’s time to break out ♪
-What you want to do? ♪
-Break out ♪
-Tell me what you’re tryna do ♪
-Break out ♪
-Tell me what you wanna do ♪
-Break out ♪
Come on, y’all,
it’s time to break out ♪
Break out of this filthy cage ♪
I don’t want to be here
in rage ♪
I’m too old to be doing
this work ♪
Yeah, I’m getting out
of here ♪
Even if it means dirt ♪
So climb the fence
and just come on in ♪
Let me out so I can feel
the wind through my hair ♪
And on my face ♪
And when you look for me,
you won’t see a trace ♪
Open the door
with your nasty toe ♪
Just be quiet when you’re
waking me up, though ♪
-(snoring)
-Papi, wake up.
We’re here
to set you free.
Papi!
(speaking Spanish)
I thought I would never say this,
but boy am I happy to see you.
Mmm, we got plenty of time
for that later.
But now we got
to get you out of here.
(snoring)
(snorts, growls)
(tires screeching)
We did it, guys!
-We saved Papi!
-Yeah!
-(Papi laughing)
-Good-bye, kids.
We’ll see you
when we see you.
But wait, where
are you guys going?
Can’t tell you
your Papi’s a wanted man.
(speaking Spanish) Anyone who looks
at me can see why.
(laughing)
Boy, I just love the way
that man talks.
See you, kids!
(Papi)
Yeah!
(metallic tapping)
(whistle blowing)
(alarm sounding)
(barking)
(Nurse) There ain’t nothing here
but this okra.
(Both)
He must’ve escaped.
No one escapes
from Happy Endings.
It’s like a Roach Motel
geezers check in,
but they don’t check out!
Ever!
(tires screeching)
Hey, Papi, I got
something to give you
in the backseat
when we get to Vegas.
(in Spanish)
I'd rather wrestle with a cactus.
(laughs)
Oh, what the heck,
I’ll give it to you now.
(tires screeching)
See, I picked up your suit
that was in the cleaners.
and I brought you a little color
for your hair.
Because my man’s got
to look good.
(in Spanish)
What's your man got to do with me?
I'm not trying to hear that see.
Oh
(in Spanish)
The mack is back!
(laughing)
(audience gasps)
(in Spanish)
Ooh, an upgrade.
(laughing)
(people screaming)
Papi, hold me!
Hold me, Papi!
Ooh, ooh, come on, Papi.
Let’s see what our
baby would look like.
Ooh, just like I thought.
Isn’t she precious?
-(munching noises)
-(knocking on door)
I’ll get it.
Hey, you guys, Papi’s missing.
-What?!
-And the place was empty.
All we saw was a bunch
of old people minus Papi
out back picking okra.
Well, wherever he is,
I’m sure he’s in a better place
than he was.
Don’t worry, I’m sure Suga Mama’s
got things under Oops! My bad.
(Sunset)
Suga Mama?
Okay, what do you girls know
about this?
Um well we sort
of helped Suga Mama
break Papi out.
You did what?
Oh, no!
-I’ll put out an APB.
-I’ll do better than that.
I’ll put out an IGLOO
my man, Igloo.
-He’s the world’s greatest detective.
-Oscar, he’s a mall cop!
Trudy, stop hating! He’ll be on the case
quicker than the police.
Yeah, Oscar, man, I done did
a little detective work
and I think I got a strong lead
on the location of your runaways.
That’s all I got.
You better take it or leave it.
Hey, Darby,
you better give my money back!
Hey, I’ll holler at you later, homey.
I got to go chase my lead.
(motorcycle approaching)
(sniffing)
(munching noises)
Goodness gracious, Papi,
you act like you haven’t eaten
in days.
Slow down before you choke
on a bone.
(in Spanish) Don't worry,
I'll save the bones for you.
I know you like to
chew on them.
(Papi laughing)
Uh-oh.
Quick to the "Old Bat" Mobile.
Slow down, Papi.
They just brought us some more
lobster and hush puppies.
We have plenty of time
to get to the chapel.
(cackling)
Uh-oh.
Run, Papi.
Don’t worry, Papi, I’m not
going to let her catch us
and put you back on
that okra plantation.
I’ve got the runaways in sight.
They’re on the move,
headed southeast on I-15.
I think now would be a good time
to tell you I charge by the mile.
(siren wailing)
And I’m also holding you responsible
for the speeding ticket I’m about to get.
(tires screeching)
(sirens wailing)
Huh, well, I’ve seen roadkill,
buffalo and coyote,
not one Suga Mama sighting.
(sirens wailing)
Can’t this thing go any faster?
Hold on, everybody!
(horn honking)
Pull over!
-What?!
-Pull over!
Boy, can’t you see me and Papi
in the middle of a car chase?
I don’t have time
for your foolishness!
But you can’t go any further!
Watch me!
(tires screeching)
(screaming)
(sirens wailing)
Come any closer and I’ll take me
and your star okra picker
right over the edge.
Papi! Suga Mama!
You don’t have to run anymore!
Everybody knows the truth
about Happy Endings!
Papi, you don’t have
to stay there anymore!
You can come home!
You hear that, Papi?
No more running.
You’re going home.
(kissing)
(metal creaking)
(screaming)
Oh! Oh, no, Papi!
Papi, I’m too young to die!
Papi, give me one last kiss
before we hit bottom.
(in Spanish) Ugh. Ah, what the heck
it's all downhill from here anyway.
(kissing)
(beeping)
Oh, no
(kissing)
(talking happily)
Suga Mama,
no matter how old you get,
we’ll never put you in a home.
Thank you, darling.
Well, she’s going away
for a long time.
And Papi,
as long as we have a home,
you’re welcome in it.
I’ll never let them
take you away again.
I love you, Papi.
Why don’t we get out of here?
(in Spanish)
Thank you for rescuing me.
Not only do you have
the face of a lion,
you're as brave as one.
Ooh, I don’t know
what you said,
but it sure sounded sweet.
(laughing)