Ultimate Spider-Man (2011) s02e22 Episode Script

2x21 - Blade and the Howling Commandos /part 1/ And when he woke up, the kid looked in the mirror and realized that he had changed into this! Yawn.
You wanna scare people? Let them smell your costume.
Pretend to be brave all you want, my little light bulb, but look around.
Creepy graveyard, Halloween night.
Full moon.
Ha.
You'll all be crying for Fury before I can say "boo.
" Did our fearless, one-eyed leader say how long we'd have to wait for this so-called special delivery? Remember, fear is only in the mind.
Fear? I think you have me confused with someone else.
I'm Spider "Man".
Fear is not in my vocabulary.
Boo! Ha! I got you.
Let me get my phone, while I record your ladylike screams.
What are you all looking at? There's something behind me, isn't there? Oh! Run.
What are these things? - Ghosts? - Zombies? Vampires.
G-g-g vampires? Seriously? Vampires? I thought I told you.
Run! Guys, we're superheroes.
Just 'cause some dude with cool shades tells us to run doesn't mean we actually run.
Those probably aren't even real vampires.
Get off me, bat breath.
Okay, so they are real vampires.
They're still bad guys, right? This is no different than fighting, like, you know, Batroc the Leaper.
Okay, maybe a little different.
They're, like, shadows or something.
They have ninja speed.
And they can do that.
Is that even in the vampire fighting handbook? There are worse threats out here tonight than these things.
- Like what? - Me.
Whoa.
That was so Oh, welcome back to the party, chicken little.
- He said "run.
" - You totally chopped those guys.
Real heroes don't do that, delivery guy.
Uh, I mean sir.
- The name's Blade.
- 'Cause you carry blades? Are we allowed to just name ourselves with whatever we happen to have in our pockets? Those things were shadow vampires, undead drones, magical manifestations never alive.
You would know if you were the SHIELD agents I told Fury to send.
- Whoa.
Hold on.
- More coming.
Okay, team, on my command.
We've got to get out of this open space.
You, make a hole.
I'm going to drive them into that alley.
We can control them there.
You two, take the flanks.
Drive them center.
Helmet face, eyes in the sky.
Helmet face.
Good one.
That's actually his name.
But just so you know, I'm the leader here.
Right.
Listen, I'm sure you're the best at what you do and all, but you can stow the 'tude.
We got off on the wrong foot here.
If you'd let us in on I could do that too if I had flash grenades.
Oh, now he's just showing off.
Okay, I'm willing to work with you here.
I see what you're doing.
You sent Power Man to punch a hole because you knew his invulnerability would protect him, right? - He's invulnerable? - Incoming! Your flash grenades, charged with ultraviolet rays like sunlight.
Yeah.
Well, I just happen to have my very own flash grenade.
He's not that smart, but he's plenty bright.
Hey, bucket head.
Light us up.
Super Nova style.
On it, webs.
Two can lead at this game.
Guys, herd them together.
Unless you're wearing SPF 10,000, I suggest you take cover.
Time to go super me.
I hope you don't need me to do that again soon.
Or in the next month.
Now who's leading this team, big guy? - Stragglers.
- Don't bother.
Their master will finish them for this failure.
- Failure to do what? - To retrieve this.
Is that the delivery Fury sent us to pick up? I was hoping for pizza.
Pick up? I was expecting heavy escort.
This doesn't leave my hands until I look Fury in his one eye.
- What exactly is happening? - Dracula is coming.
To take over the world.
And and delivered with that serious face.
Oh, Dracula, take over the world.
What? Why is no one else laughing? What part of "handing it off to my team" don't you understand? Dracula's coming, Fury, and you are not prepared.
He keeps saying "Dracula's coming.
" That's code for something, right? Yeah.
It's code for "Dracula's coming.
" The Dracula.
He's very real and very dangerous.
Most people think he's a character from books and movies, but those are based on history.
Dracula is the King of vampires, an undead nightmare that wages war on the world of the living.
He will not rest until we are all under his control.
And if he gets his hands on this, the war is over.
- What is "it" exactly? - It's Tekhamatep's Ankh.
Well, half of one, anyway.
Are you guys all just making this stuff up as you go? An Ankh is an ancient Egyptian symbol known as the "Key of life.
" It is believed to act as a bridge between the living and the dead.
It was used by the ancient Pharaohs to communicate with their ancestors, but, as you might imagine, it became a bit of a problem for the living.
So it was decided, by some of the smarter Pharaohs, to break the Ankh into two separate pieces.
It's been that way for about It's only in recent times that they have been unearthed and Dracula has learned of their existence.
If the halves of this Ankh were ever found and joined together, any undead creature would become invulnerable.
Dracula would be able to walk by day and have no weaknesses.
No force on this Earth could stop it.
Now you all know the seriousness of the situation.
We need to find the other half of the Ankh before Dracula does.
Oh.
It's at the Museum of Natural History.
You're kidding.
Out in the open? All the real good stuff is kept in a secret chamber room for premium, gold circle, card-carrying members of the Museum of Natural History fan society.
Obviously I'm the only person in this room who's a member.
Okay, we move on the museum.
There's no "we" in this.
You let me know when the real team arrives.
"Real team"? What's he talking about? Sorry, kid.
This is no longer an escorting mission.
This is much more dangerous.
If I had known that a bunch of shadow vamps were on Blade's tail, I would have never send you to meet him.
Blade's right.
You've got to sit this one out.
Huh? Just trying to say hi! You heard Fury.
Go back to the playground.
If Dracula's as dangerous as you and Fury are making him out to be, you need us.
You saw us take down the shadow vampires.
We can help.
Whoa.
These are not supervillains.
You don't have a clue what we're up against.
And what makes you the expert? You got a dental plan for those? I owe that blood-sucker.
I'm not missing a shot at him if I can take it.
I can't have a bunch of rookies getting in my way.
Looks like your conversation was mature and reasonable.
If you call knifing me to a wall reasonable.
I think we're in the middle of a vampire vendetta.
Blade's going on a mission I'm not sure he plans on coming back from.
It sounds out of our depth.
And we still got trick or treating to do.
I'm surprised at you guys.
We can buy twice as much candy for half off tomorrow.
We're here to help.
We understand we aren't your first choice.
Yeah, and some of us would rather be eating candy, but If Dracula gets his hands on the other half of that Ankh, we're all sucker-fied.
Just remember.
Your choice.
You gotta be kidding me.
Get me an E.
T.
A.
on the H.
C.
asap.
Full moon or not, it's time to monster up.
So we've never fought Dracula before.
So what? We've all faced personal demons, and we know it's scary.
I'm not scared.
I've heard that before.
Tonight, in fact.
And the guy who said it was just as convincing as you are.
- Wasn't that you who said it? - Shh.
Oh, cool.
- Nice.
- Sweet.
Oh, Coulson wasn't kidding.
Between you and me, I'm officially sort of feeling a little spooked.
When that happens, I go to my happy place.
Stop giggling.
It's creepy.
I'm creepy? You're the mayor of creep town, - creepy clatter mouth.
- Oh, if I'm the mayor, I officially hand over the key to the city to you, - creepy Von Crypt keep - Stop it.
Focus.
Coulson said the Ankh was somewhere around Here! No, it's in a protective shield! No, look, I pulled it right out.
There's no shield protecting it.
That's because it's a cloaking shield.
Now the vampires know it's here.
What? Oh.
Spider-Man, hold the Ankh.
I'm getting you out of here.
Too late.
Blade.
Fighting alongside mortals now? Have you sunk so low? Hand over my Ankh and I will allow you all to live to see morning.
G-g-g-g Dracula! You mock me, Blade.
You would send children to face me? I am Dracula, King of vampires, and I will have what is rightfully mine.
King of the "blah, blah, blah" is more like it.
Let's get fighting or get you some bronzer.
You child.
Blade has led you to your doom.
Your team is severely out of its league.
Wait.
We're out of the SHIELD softball league? But we had a game next Tuesday! Hello, terrifying bad guy here.
Not really time for jokes.
Finally happened.
He snapped with fear.
Yes, I'm scared, and, yes, I know I'm talking a lot of crazy, but it's really to knock count haircut off his game so I can do this.
Seriously, I'm really a good pitcher.
Check out my fastball.
Pathetic.
Okay, maybe I do talk too much.
Are we finished here? Not by a long shot.
Nova.
Instant sunburn.
Feel the heat, Drac.
Oh, yeah.
Two in one night.
Good looking and vampire wrecking.
I am Fools.
You think I was not warned of your weak abilities by my shadow minions? There is nothing that you Sweet Christmas.
Did you talk this much when you were alive? You know, you should floss more.
What? I'm trying smack talk.
Enough! Blade, wake up.
This is your party, and you got us doing all the heavy lifting.
I was gonna use this as my trick if you weren't gonna give us any treats.
Did you seriously just do that? Uh, nope.
But in other news Dracula! How many times will we do this dance, Blade? The partners change, but the song remains the same.
I am the undying Lord of the night.
And you are a mistake.
Hey, wait for us! Close shave.
Thanks, P.
M.
Thank me in candy.
If we survive.
Invulnerable? If I can't bite you, then I will control you.
Power Man! Let me go.
Let Let - What's he doing to him? - Mesmerism.
Mesmer what now? - Your mask, are those reflective lenses? - Yes.
- Good.
- Why? You're about to see.
Destroy Blade.
Yes, my King.
Power Man, stop! Wake up! Good.
More slaves.
Nice try, Drac.
But it'll take a lot I am your slave.
Destroy the interlopers.
Bring me the Ankh.
Yes, lord Dracula.
Guys, stop! Drac's just mesmer mermaiding you, or something.
Do not resist.
Yes, master.
Do they say "psych" in Vampire-ville? Guys, mindless zombie-ism doesn't suit you.
Except maybe Nova.
Please, I don't wanna hurt you.
More importantly, I don't want you to hurt me.
You were amusing for a few moments, spider.
Take comfort in that.
I think when you say "comfort" you don't mean it.
Wait.
Herbarium.
As in greenhouse? Hey, Blade! Heads up.
Have you lost it? It's over.
You know, for the first time tonight, I agree.
Greenhouses use U.
V.
light, just like daylight.
So let's just say "it's closing time.
" Oh, yeah.
You ruined my Halloween, so smell my feet! Lord Dracula.
This war has just begun.
No, wait! Are you crazy? You webbed me up.
You're a vampire.
I was protecting you from the U.
V.
rays.
Your buddy went super nova twice tonight and I didn't burn.
I'm only a half-blood.
A day-walker.
- The sun doesn't hurt me.
- Day-walker? Oh.
So what do we do now? Is he gonna turn my friends into full-on vampires? No, he'll keep them as hostages in order to keep me off his back.
So there's still a chance.
I'll track Dracula and your friends.
You, however, must look into the true face of fear.
True face of ? Oh.
So if it's okay, I'd like to skip the part where you yell at me for disobeying orders so we can get back to saving our friends.
I learned that fear is in your mind.
Except for monsters, and I hate monsters.
That work for you? If that's what you learned tonight, you're gonna love this.
My team of experts are finally here.
Experts? The big guns? The Avengers?! The Fantastic Four? Power pack? Not quite.
Meet the perfect team for this mission, Spider-Man.
The Living Mummy.
Frankenstein's Monster.
Werewolf by Night.
Meet the Howling Commandos.
G-g-g monsters! 2x22 - Blade and the Howling Commandos /part 2/ Welcome, true believers, to the nightmare that is my reality.
Once, I thought monsters were only a things of fiction.
But no.
These denizens of the dark indeed walk the Earth.
And you know what I did when I found out the truth on Halloween night? I totally did not freak out, not at all.
Boo.
Spider-Man, meet the Howling Commandos.
Good boy.
Heel.
Stay.
Don't eat me.
Jack Russell, A.
K.
A.
Werewolf by night.
And don't worry, kid.
I'm a vegetarian.
You said we'd find warriors here, Fury.
Not children.
- M-m-mommy? - "Mummy.
" The living Mummy N'Kantu, if you must address me directly.
Whoa-whoa-whoa! Hello, new friend.
Play tag? You bouncey.
I like you.
You're it.
If you haven't already guessed, he's Frankenstein's Monster.
Howling Commandos? How many secret teams do you have, Nick? Fury likes to keep his monsters hidden.
We've been through this before, N'Kantu.
The world's not ready to face certain truths.
- I'm not sure I'm ready - Heh.
You think we're freaky.
- Wait until you see the "big guy.
" - He's not the "big guy"? No, but I have a big heart.
Wanna see? Later, Frank.
We stepped into a pile of undead, Spider-Man, and the Howling Commandos are here to bail us out.
- Tell them what happened.
- Okay, here it goes Dracula is real and you knew that.
- Well, he wants this Ankh-thingie - Tekhamatep's Ankh? When I was Pharaoh, this object of power was most coveted in my kingdom.
Dracula thinks it'll let him and his army walk in the day and he's hypnotized my team into helping him get it.
That it will and so much more.
Well, looks like we got some dirty work to do, Commandos.
We'll take it from here, kid.
What? Wait.
I'm not staying here.
It's my team he Dracula-jacked.
We are the cursed and undead, boy.
Who in all your darkest dreams do you imagine is better equipped to destroy a monster than us? Huh? Brave words, fallen king, but they are only words.
Get the Ankh.
Destroy them all.
Yes, lord Dracula.
Worst Halloween ever.
Guys, wake up and smell the garlic.
Dracula's the bad guy.
Fire bad, but firepower good.
No! Wait! These are my friends.
They're hypnotized.
Don't hurt them Not exactly helping my argument, Power Man.
Weapons on stun.
These are our people.
He said "stun.
" Not "filet.
" Ah, kid, look past the fur.
We are the professionals.
- Trust us.
- That's just not gonna fly! You guys are pros.
I'll take those, th-Ankh you.
I think not, mortal.
Whoa, nice shooting, Frankie.
Tiger! No! N'Kantu, lock it down before Dracula can escape.
As you command, Fury.
N'ra katu n'tu oso ra akul.
Hurry up with the hocus-pocus.
It is done.
Away.
- No! - Dracula chose his pawns wisely.
Their interference prevented me from completing the spell.
- Those "pawns" are my team, and - You got any loved ones? Of course I do, but what does that have to do with anything? Dracula can't use the Ankh until sunrise.
He's possessed your team, so he knows your secrets.
If you care for anyone, they're a target.
Boo.
Happy Halloween.
Are you a good witch or a bad witch? She's a great witch.
Right, Aunt May? Having a vampire-free evening? Oh, my gosh, I just totally revealed my secret identity - to Aunt May - Oh, Peter, what a lame costume.
I thought you were going out as a ghost.
Uh-uhm the store was all out of ghosts Did you say "lame?" Oh, that doesn't look anything like the real thing.
I'd get my money back if I were you.
But these are great costumes! Oh, let me guess Luke, Danny, and Sam? Call me N'Kantu, woma - Where's Ava? - Um, she's the Invisible Girl.
We're meeting her at a party, but we wanted to check on you Check on me? This is my favorite holiday.
You're the one who hates monsters.
- "Hate" is a very strong word - Gummy brains? Have fun, everyone.
Well, I guess you were wrong.
Dracula didn't come after my Aunt.
Blade.
Fury didn't mention you were on this job.
Wasn't till word spread all over the underworld that Dracula got the Ankh and vampires are ready take over.
Now I see how he did it.
Tracked a swarm of shadow-fangs hoping they were gonna lead me to him.
Found you instead.
Eating candy.
Wild stab in the dark you guys know each other? Commandos, secure this place.
I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I need to save my team and protect Aunt May.
Fine.
Top of the line tech and best of the old school magic.
Weaponized garlic spray.
Wide U.
V.
spectrum lamps.
N'Kantu's wards of protection.
N'ra katu n'tu oso ra akul.
Nothing's getting into your aunt's house.
Trick or treat.
Smell my feet.
Give me something good to Whah? Okay.
A tiny bright spot in an - otherwise horrible Halloween.
- Say that at dawn, when Dracula unites the pieces of the Ankh and vampires rule.
Way to kill a moment.
We have to get to Transylvania now.
Transylvania? That's a real place? - Let's call Fury for a ride.
- Our ride's already here.
Whoa.
Kid, meet the Monster Truck.
That is the coolest thing ever! Cool ride.
So this is how the howlers roll? They call it the "monster truck.
" I am told that this passes for humor to your modern ears.
Direct attack? Why don't we just ask for two holes in the neck? We use stealth.
Or are you worried no one will notice you fighting in your awesome leather pants? "Stealth?" Dracula will smell "wet dog" from ten miles out.
- What's so funny? - Now I get it.
You guys used to be teammates, right? Oh, come on.
I'm on a team of teenagers.
Nova and I invented infighting.
Insults, name calling, mayonnaise-in-the-helmet, but, you know, from the heart.
You see a whole lot of hearts on this team? Um, three out of four? Look, you don't have to get along all the time, but when there's a job to do a real team puts all that stuff aside.
That's what I need you to do, right now, so I can get my friends back alive.
We've arrived.
Dracula's domain.
So, what's the plan? We gonna ring the doorbell and run? Guess they already know that one.
Okay.
What's our play? Don't worry, little bug, S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's sending in the big guy.
"Big guy?" what is he, the Invisible Man? You'll see.
Whoa.
What is that? That, child, is the Man-Thing.
Awesome! Ohh.
This place hurts my brain.
Enter if you wish, but do not dare to hope hope has no place in these halls.
I've got enough for everyone.
Am I the only one fighting vampires here? One word people floss.
When did I suddenly get put on the menu? Thanks, Mr.
Man? Or or, Mr.
Thing? - He likes you.
- Ugh.
Really.
How can you tell? You didn't explode at his touch.
Okay.
Good to know.
Dawn is almost upon us.
Dracula cannot be allowed to activate the Ankh or all is lost.
I have enough trouble with the mazes on the kids' menu.
Dracula mesmerized my team.
What if this is a trick? An illusion.
We can't trust our eyes.
Then what do we trust? Kid's right.
Dracula's closer than we think.
- Will you follow me one more time, Blade? - I'm in.
Let's go.
Oh, yeah.
The nose knows.
Congratulations.
You've hastened your destruction.
It is almost sunrise.
- We got this.
Save your friends.
- Stick with your team.
- Where are we? - How did I get here? What's going on? Dracula.
Ankh.
Vampire apocalypse follow me! - Howling Commandos? Nice.
- You know them? It's in the manual on S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's secret ops teams.
There's a manual? You are too late, Commandos.
After so many centuries, to walk in the light.
No longer shall I rule from the shadows.
The Ankh is complete.
Vampire king? Ugh, that bites.
Dawn comes and with it a new king.
The bridge of the undead has been reforged.
- No! - Frankie, throw me.
Here's Spidey.
Yeah! No! It burns! Enjoy your day in the sun while you can.
Night always returns, and so does Dracula.
No! He's gone.
I'm sorry.
- Winners! - Ahh Watch it, big guy.
All these parts are mine.
We may have gotten the Ankh, but Dracula got away and made a scary threat that'll keep me checking under the bed forever.
We still have a shot at him if we work as a team.
You're serious? I doubt hey! N'Kantu, what are you doing? Mummy totally t-peed me.
I was once a conqueror of men.
A Pharaoh I have waited millennia to be so again.
The Ankh of Tekhamatep will restore me to greatness.
Yes, the power, I feel it.
I summon the Flail of Anubis and the Crook of Osiris.
Mummy, stop.
We're your friends.
You are Fury's collection of freaks.
Nothing more.
Our time together in bondage has earned you only my pity.
I spare you the pain How are we gonna deal with that? Luke, you may want to hold on to something.
- Why? - You're about to get airsick.
Has anybody seen a giant Pharaoh? Oh.
Bow before your Pharaoh, mortals, and pay me tribute.
So now it's a completely different kind of monster movie.
One that requires a giant turtle or butterfly to fight for humanity.
The Pharaoh's got the height advantage.
- And the power - We've got a team times two.
Fury, I am no longer yours to command.
Come to me or I will smash your city to the ground.
Be the first to bow before N'Kantu.
Boo.
No, bow.
Hey, you guys don't happen to know a giant gorilla - who could take this guy down? - No.
It's over.
I think you got hit too hard.
- You mean - He means "it's over.
" N'Kantu not only has the Ankh.
He knows everything about us.
Powers, tactics, weaknesses.
- He was one of us - And now he's not.
So what? Without "bandage boy" you're just a bunch of freaks with a drooling truck? You're the Howling Commandos.
More than that, beneath all the slime the fur and the shades, I think you're actually friends.
My friends don't quit.
Ever.
What about yours? So you got any ideas or just good speeches? Oh, yeah.
You don't call him "the big guy" for nothing, right? Well he's gonna need a lot more raw material before he could face something Pharaoh's size.
Welcome to the New York sewer system, one-stop-shop for all your slimy needs.
Hey, Mummy! Say hello to our giant sized Man-Thing! I've waited thousands of years for this.
No mindless pile of leaves is going to keep me from my destiny.
But a ton of webbing will.
Do your thing, Man-Thing.
I've had enough of your mouth, insect.
You shall be the first soldier of my undead army Commandos, monster up.
No! Get off of me.
I got you, buddy.
Uh-oh.
Hey, everybody get the Ankh! Does anybody have any scissors or a Oh, right, Blade.
You dare! No! You rock.
Or mud or whatever you're made of.
You're awesome.
You're all awesome, monster hero team.
Howling Commandos, your work here today is to be commended.
On behalf of S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
, thank you.
Thank them.
We wouldn't have survived the Dracula-Pharaoh double team without them.
Speaking of teams, Blade? Come on.
Where's the love? He's not big on mushy endings.
But don't worry.
Dracula's still out there, and we're working on it.
- S what teammates do.
Right, kid? - Yes, they do.
Oh, but if not, you should get an Invisible Man.
He'd be stealthy, get on buses for free, and What just happened to my pants? That's Max.
He was guarding your aunt's house.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm the Invisible Man.
Huh? Who? What? Where? Whoa! Oh, cool.
I got pantsed by the Invisible Man!