American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e23 Episode Script

1
Spud:
Ok. Joke's over.
You've played
your little game.
Now give me
my clothes.
[Grunting]
Come on,
stupid locker 896.
Open up!
I overslept,
missed breakfast,
and I am in no mood
to be standing here
in boxers
that got stained pink
by the powdered gelatin
I left in my pockets
for reasons I am not
explaining to you!
Yo, spud, need some help
with that gym locker?
Aah!
Spud:
No. I got it.
Shattering shin guards!
Not the equipment
locker!
Basketball! Softball!
Aah! Discus!
Hey, when did we get
a bowling--
Ow!--team?
Just let me use
a little dragon claw
on this bad boy.
No!
This is between me
and the locker.
Just let me do it,
spud!
Both: Aah!
Hmm.
Huh?
Ok. So now you know
my secret dream.
I hope you're happy.
I thought your dream was
to live in a chocolate house
and raise marshmallow animals.
No. That's my plan.
My dream is to be
a magical-powered
hero, like you.
It's not all that,
being a magical hero.
Besides, you got
your own spud thing
going on.
People respect that.
I pick, uh
Pfft!
Sleepy Keith.
Hot dog! I'm gonna hit me
a game-winning home--
[snoring]
[Sighs]
Fine. We'll take
what's-his-loser,
but you are playing
extreme right field.
Is this extreme enough?
Stacey: Keep going!
Mm-mm! Farther! Farther!
I hope the boy's got
cab fare in them
gym shorts.
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast ♪
He's the chosen one ♪
People, we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burning dragon fire ♪
A real livewire ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills
are getting faster ♪
With grandpa the master ♪
It's destiny,
what's up, g? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
It's my destiny ♪
I'm the magical
protector from the NYC ♪
You heard? ♪
Hey ♪
American dragon ♪
Yoww! ♪
Yo, where is
the channel 12 exposé
on this stuff?
I can't tell
where the meatloaf ends
and the pudding begins.
I didn't think you went down
that hard when you struck
out the fourth time.
I didn't.
This is from Stacey
grinding my face
into the infield
for losing the game.
[Spud coughs]
See, that should
be nasty,
but it actually makes it
more appetizing.
Of course, if I had
magical powers,
maybe I'd have been
the hero of the game
I mean, I've still got to eat
the same nasty cafeteria food
as everybody else.
A little gift from
the magical community.
Just our way
of saying thanks
for all you do.
Ah, it's no big deal, really.
I--i mean, I
Check it! I'm on the cover
of "magicweek" again!
Awesome ish.
Excuse me.
I'm not hungry
anymore.
Maybe I'll just go
eat some more dirt.
Why is he so hung up
on the amdrag jealousy
all of a sudden?
"All of a sudden"?
Jakey, you're out there
every day saving the world,
while he's sneezing pizza
rollups out his nose and getting
his hands stuck in mittens.
I mean, he puts up
a good front, but sometimes
it's got to get to him.
I guess I never thought
about it like that.
His best friend is
the biggest hero he knows.
And, you know, I do love
that boy like cooked food,
but he's got to be
the most straight-up goofed-out
fool either of us know.
What's shakin',
magical chumps?
As you may have heard,
your fiercest enemy,
the huntsclan,
has been wiped out,
obliterated, finito'd!
Except for us.
That's right.
Now we are the huntsclan,
so let all magical creatures
tremble before
Both: Huntsclan sentries
number 88 and 89!
[All laughing]
Ooh, me so terrible-fied.
Ha ha ha ha!
Dude, this isn't exactly
how I envisioned
our comeback.
Step one is
not working out.
Maybe we should
start smaller.
[Slurping]
You! Bow before
your new kings,
and perhaps we will
take pity on--
You!
You know, this was
a lot easier
when we had
the whole huntsclan
behind us.
There has got to be
some way we can get
our own street cred.
Oh! Business cards,
maybe!
I could draw us
a wicked-cool logo,
like a clown
with a hockey mask
and a cricket bat!
Or we can do what
the huntsclan did:
We capture our own magical
creatures to show them
we mean business.
Check this.
What?
Catching a lost
pet magical frog
shows them all
that we mean
business?
Baby steps, dude.
Baby steps.
Dang! Looks like
it's worse than
we thought, jakey.
Yeah. Everybody knows
not to mess with janitor st--
Ooh!
There's got to be
something we can do
to make him feel better.
It is too bad our homie
scromie couldn't be
a hero just once.
You know, so he'd know
what it feels like.
Maybe he can.
This magical swamp is
where that troll girl saw
her frog hop off to.
That thing could be
anywhere, and according
to gramps,
this swamp isn't someplace
you want to be hanging out
for too long.
Spud, you're the genius here.
Any ideas how to find it?
I'll just take
a little lie-down
in some moss
and stay out
of your way.
The way things
usually go, the moss
will turn out
to be some kind of
swamp monster that
will come to life
and swear revenge,
and you'll have to
save the day again.
[Growling]
Revenge!
Called it.
I don't know if
this thing's working.
Of course not.
You got to make him
come to you.
Put some sauce
on that steak.
Shake shake shake ♪
Hold up.
You hear that?
Aren't we going
to help him?
Sure,
if he needs it.
I didn't think so.
Huh?
Trix!
[Croaks]
Whoa!
[Croaking]
Guys! I found him!
He's right over here!
Thanks for
the frog, dog.
Ha ha!
See ya!
My frog!
88 and 89?
When did those
chump daddies come
out of hiding?
Just like a late delivery
at the candy shop,
suckers got to show up
sometime.
[Sighs]
Come on.
Hold up. Why do you get
to carry the frog?
Because last time
I checked, you were
screaming,
"eww! Slimy!
I'm scared of frogs,
"like I'm scared
of catfish
and baby noses
and hand lotion
and dolphins and kitties
and vacuums and"
Ah! Failure,
my oldest friend.
My rump needs a stump.
Trixie: There!
Jake:
Spud, you did it.
Well, spudinski,
look at it this way:
You did get
the frog
In the end.
Ah, lair sweet lair.
Now let's have a look-see
at our little froggie-woggie.
Um, maybe its magical
ability is making
itself invisible?
Jake: See, spud,
you don't need to be
magical to be a hero.
[Gasps]
You saved
furry ribbit.
You're the best
American dragon
ever.
Actually, my man spud
right here did most
of the work--
Would you like
to stay for dinner?
I made a lasagna.
I really shouldn't.
I--
It's ok, trix.
I guess I just have
to learn my place
in life.
Spud: Thatsabatter.
Hey there, batter.
Put one out of here,
batter.
Can I get a batter?
Any batter?
So sad to be
making you lose, Brad.
Or you can just forfeit now
and avoid the whole
ugly crying thing.
No way, loser!
We're only down one,
and the bradster's
gonna punch
a two-run homer
like he punches
anything
that sasses him.
Spud: I got it!
I got it!
Whoa! Pop fly!
Why are you all
making such a big
deal of this?
Uh, spud,
did you not notice
you've had
a few body changes?
I don't see what's
so different--fly!
Uhh!
Uhh!
I was just
Saying hello.
Hello.
Aha! Here we go.
It looks like
biteykins here
caught a case
of holominis
amphibulus.
Homina-what now?
The frog's bite
turned you into
a werebeast--
I'm guessing you got
all the powers of
a human-sized frog.
What? Guys, come on.
I'm not a frog.
I mean, that's--
That's just so--ha ha!
[Croaking]
I'm bulging,
aren't I?
I'm going to give
your diagnosis
a qualified "maybe."
It says here there's
an antidote,
you think you can keep
a low profile for
a couple of days?
Pssh! Totally.
Ooh! Lemon drops!
Oh!
Ow.
88: Man! We are never
gonna get any respect.
How are we supposed
to make magical
creatures run in fear
when we can't even catch
a stupid, dumb,
worthless piece
of magical frog?
Computer voice:
Analyzing
palm print.
Huntsclan birthmark
authenticated.
Opening vault.
Whoa!
Secret weapon stash!
Now, that could come in handy.
Magnafield generator!
Is that a hoverland
troop carrier?
[Gasps]
Creature-tracking
mini-computer!
Computer voice:
Creature tracker
st-1000 online.
What do you wish
to track, master?
Dude, with this stuff,
we could even take on
a dragon!
Tracking dragon.
[Roaring]
Oh!
Or a magical frog.
Yeah, a frog's good.
Computer: Tracking frog.
88: Wait a second.
It says there's two of them.
Let us summon the power
of our evil forefathers
to advise us
which direction to take.
Want to just go for
the one that's closer?
Works for me.
Spud: Sure,
it's a little freaky,
but this being magical thing
really is pretty cool.
I bet I could jump over
the whole school
with these babies.
Yo, spud, I know it's
exciting, but you got
to keep it chilled.
Remember our story:
The jump was adrenaline,
the green's a temporary
skin condition,
come on, Jake!
It's not like I'm out
looking for trouble.
Trust me. When you're
magical, trouble has
a way of finding you.
Hey, kid, heard
about your moves
in p.E.
Ever think
about joining
the basketball team?
Swim team could
sure use a pair
of legs like yours.
Oh, forget them all.
Leaping, dancing!
You were born to dance!
Uh, Jake?
Low profile, dude.
You want a private
whirlpool tub?
You got it.
I can get you out
of social studies.
Come on, kid,
we need you!
Leaping and dancing!
Please, form
an orderly line.
There's enough of me
to go around.
Uh, not exactly
what I meant.
Spud: Whoo!
[Laughing]
Whoo!
[Buzzer]
[Cheering]
Whoo!
[Tweet]
Hey! Hmm?
Ahh!
A froggy went a-courtin'
and he did ride ♪
Spud, deep voice:
a froggy went a-courtin'
and he did ride ♪
Ohhh ♪
[Cheering]
Boy: Hey,
spud man!
Girl:
You're my hero!
I hope your skin
gets better!
How come you never
told me how cool
this was?
But when it comes to magic,
there's always a trade-off.
What good are magical powers
when you can't be with
the girl you want?
I hope they don't
run out of tacos.
Hmm.
Milady.
Thanks, spud.
She knows my name!
Really not seeing
the downside here,
amigo.
Shall we enjoy our own
private snackie fiesta,
mamacita?
[Cell phone ringtone]
Bark at me, fu.
Fu, on phone:
Hey, kid, the werefrog
antidote's ready.
Would you please get
your slimy green friend
over here pronto?
With pleasure.
And so the snail says, "no!"
That's just
my mucopolysaccharide
slime trail!"
[All laughing]
Jake: Yo, spud,
we got to bounce.
Fu says the anti--
The "medicine"
for your little
"problem" is ready.
Oh? And what if I told you
I didn't want to take
my "medicine"?
Say what?
Oh, I see how it is now.
Because you can't stand
anybody else having
"a little problem."
Spudinski--
This "problem" is
the best thing that
ever happened to me.
And if you're too jealous
to handle it,
well, you can keep
your "medicine"
and I'll keep
my "problem."
Oh, so brave.
Have it your way.
I "will!"
Does anybody have any ice?
My fingers are killing me.
Stacey:
So, the green thing.
That's, like,
not contagious
if we, you know,
like, kiss
or anything, right?
I'm willing to find out
for science, baby.
Halt,
you magical Frog?
Computer voice:
Identity confirmed.
Ok, no way this thing is
working right.
He ain't a frog.
He's that chump
from the swamp.
Computer voice:
Please stop hitting me.
I thought we were friends.
But that's
never wrong.
Let's get this freak
to the scoop.
[Gasps]
Spuddy, do something!
Do something?
All right.
That is what heroes do,
isn't it?
Frog it up!
Oh, right.
Get him!
[All screaming]
Hyah! Yah!
Huh?
[Groaning]
Eww! My mouth was open!
I can't believe I'm
actually doing this!
Better than 100 birthdays,
plus that time I saw
that chimp throw up.
Bring out
the big ones?
Oh, yeah.
Oh! No!
Aah!
Ow! Hey!
Nobody said there was
going to be pain!
Peekaboo, freakaboo.
Ha ha ha!
Aw--
[croaks]
Stacey: Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
What, she break
a nail or something?
And they said they were
going to, like, take him
somewhere called the scoop.
But then they shot
these glowing energy beams
that were so shimmery
and pretty,
but actually really scary!
And I scraped pinkie leftie
against a brick wall
and now she's ruined!
Mm-hmm. Told you.
Are you calling
the nail ambulance?
Ok. I'll
I'll wait here, then.
Ha ha ha ha!
88 and 89:
we're ba-ack ♪
Yo, magic fools!
Yo, we heard
you all missed us.
[Hysterical laughter]
Funny, huh? Well,
laugh at this, ugly!
Feast your eyes upon
the first creature
to suffer our wrath.
What, we're supposed
to run in terror
'cause you caught
some half-frog kid?
No, you're supposed
to run in terror
because we caught
some half-frog kid
With these!
[All screaming]
Whoa!
Thanks for helping us
establish a mean rep,
frog man.
Unfortunately, we're still
going to have to put
a major hurt on you
so what do you think
is going to make
the biggest headlines?
Brain-o-smash?
Gut floater?
Oh! This one says
it turns intestines
into out-testines!
Better put
the toys away, kids.
Both: D-d-d-dragon!
It's time for
the big boys to play!
Hey, wait.
We've got all the power
of the huntsclan now.
We don't have to be
afraid anymore.
I don't know
that we ever had to.
It just always felt
natural.
Attack!
Aah!
Aah!
Aw, man!
[Distant explosions]
[Both laughing]
This is awesome!
It's some kind
of energy field
created by
those two
bazooka thingies
over there.
If you could show me
the control panel,
I can probably
figure out a way
to reprogram
the polarity
and shut it--
Oh, right.
Magical powers.
Speaking of magical
powers, you mind?
It'd be
a dream come true.
Huh!
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
It jammed! 88!
Toss me
another weapon!
You fetched me
a stick?!
I don't know!
I panicked!
[Straining]
Oh!
Good boy!
Oh, boy.
Come on, spudinski!
[Both whimpering]
[Panting]
I think we're ok.
There's no way
they saw us duck
in here.
Boo!
Aah!
Aah!
[Both screaming]
Computer voice:
Frog on your left.
Your other left.
88: I knew that,
you stupid machine!
Oh! How do they keep
finding us?!
Those two pudding-brain
monkey boys cannot
be that smart!
There's no way to lose them
with that thing locked on to
my magical creature keister.
Unless you stop being
a magical creature.
You know,
we picked it up
before we came over.
Thought you might have
changed your mind
about the whole
"being magical" thing.
Well
Here goes everything.
Mmm! Wintergreen!
[Coughing]
Computer voice:
No magical frogs
in this area.
Whatever.
Look, just recalibrate it
to find the dragon.
Jake: Or you can just
turn around.
Maybe you'd like
a nice game of fetch.
[Both screaming]
[Yelling indistinctly]
Jake: Sorry you had
to give up the hero
business, spud.
It was kind of fun
having a partner
for a while.
Oh, I don't know
if I've given up
on the hero business.
Sure, I'm my own
spuddical self again,
but I'm cool with that now.
But I like to think
there's a hero moment
out there
for every dude and dudette
with a heart of gold and--
Brad:
Hey, equipment dork!
Coach says to check me out
a football!
I--I'm allowed--
Are you sassing
the bradster?
Hey, Brad
Extra footballs are
in locker 896.
Thanks, but there
aren't any footballs
in--
Brad: Stupid locker!
Are you sassing
the bradster?
[Crashing]
Soccer! Baseball!
Tennis! Curling?
Hey, when did we get a--
[bowling ball crashes]
Ow!
You are my new hero.
Yeah, I know.
Spud: "Spuddical dragon
theme song," take one.
He's got muscles
and he's got wings ♪
He's the uh-uh! ♪
Spuddical dragon! ♪
Can you hurt him
with earthquakes? ♪
No, no, no ♪
Can you hurt him
with darkness? ♪
Can you hurt him
with water? ♪
Aah! Aah! He has
a secret weakness!
Cut! Cut!