Bewitched (1964) s02e23 Episode Script

"Happy Birthday, Darrin.
" Darrin? Who's that? - The dearest man in the whole world.
- Oh, really, Samantha.
Save that for the icing on the cake.
You know you're fond of him.
You just can't bear to admit it.
He told me how the two of you cried the night Tabatha was born.
He cried.
Oh, I got a bit misty myself.
He also told me you gave him a fountain pen for a present.
He told you about that? Oh, the snitch! That was supposed to be a secret.
It would've been if while he was signing contracts the pen hadn't turned into a toad.
Oh, that's marvellous.
That's marvellous.
It's about time I gave Darwin another present.
No.
No, Mother.
No more tricks.
No, I wouldn't dream of it.
Now, what do you suppose he'd like? Maybe it would be wise to let him decide.
Yes.
Very wise.
I'll give him something precious and see what use he makes of it.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Never mind.
Stars of lightning Suns of fire Heark en to the heart's desire Set your potent power free And grant this mortal wishes three I sure wish that elevator would hurry up.
- Morning, Betty.
- Morning, Mr.
Stephens.
Betty, this may sound like a peculiar question but did you see a girl in a bikini walking around the building? You're right.
It is a peculiar question.
- Why, did you? - I think so.
Well, maybe she was posing for a layout.
- Is Mr.
Tate in his office? - No, he's still in Chicago.
- He is? That's strange.
- That's what Mr.
Turgeon said.
- Who's Mr.
Turgeon? - He's the man in Mr.
Tate's office.
He says he won't budge till he sees him.
Maybe I better talk to him.
I feel you should know he told me that he always does business with Mr.
Tate and he refuses to talk to anybody else.
Oh, excuse me.
McMann & Tate, good morning.
Oh, yes, Mr.
Tate.
He's right here.
- I'll take it in my office.
- He'll take it in his office, Mr.
Tate.
Hello, Larry.
Am I glad you're back.
There's - What? - I said, fog.
You know, the stuff that creeps in on little cat feet.
Chicago's full of it.
I'm grounded.
Oh, boy, Larry, trouble.
There's a Mr.
Turgeon here to see you.
Turgeon? Don't tell me he's already in town? He's in your office.
He's there to discuss renewing his contract.
Well, I'll just have to tell him you're stuck in Chicago.
No, he's only there for the day.
Unfortunately, I promised him faithfully I'd be there to meet him.
Larry, I don't understand.
What made you go to Chicago then? Greed.
I smelled some new business here and flew down on an impulse.
Look, try and stall him.
I'll keep trying to get a plane.
- But, Larry - It's a matter of life or death, Darrin.
He's a weirdo.
We could blow the account just like that.
- Larry, what am I supposed to do? - Think of something.
I'm counting on you, kid.
Thanks, kid.
Operator, I'd like to call New York.
Hello.
Larry, where are you? Fog? Are you sure? There isn't any fog around here.
Louise, you're 1000 miles away.
I know where I am.
I'm a strong contender for Wallflower of the Year.
Congratulations.
I'm not exactly at a party.
Are you sure? Louise, this fog is so thick, I'm not even sure I'm at the airport.
Even the pigeons are walking.
Yes.
Mr.
Stephens, Mr.
Turgeon is getting restless.
Mr.
Tate is an hour late already.
He's gonna be a lot later than that.
Never mind, Betty.
I'll see what I can do.
Oh, boy, I wish I were Larry Tate for one day.
Just for one day.
- Betty, you'd better tell Mr.
Turgeon - Well, this is a surprise.
- Nice to see you back.
- Well, it's nice to be - Where have I been? - How was Chicago, Mr.
Tate? Betty, would you put your glasses on, please? I'm wearing my contacts, Mr.
Tate.
Well, you A moustache.
- I have a moustache.
- Yes.
I know.
Betty have you got a mirror? I am.
I am Larry Tate.
- Did you doubt it? - Yes.
I mean, no.
- Excuse me.
- Where are you going, Mr.
Tate? Back to my office.
I mean, Mr.
Stephens' office.
- But what about Mr.
Turgeon? - Tell him to wait in Mr.
Tate's office.
I mean, my office.
Yes.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Larry.
How are you? - Sam, this is not Larry.
This is - Larry! How's the boy? - Goodbye.
- Pardon? I'll call you back.
- Important? - Not exactly.
Your secretary told me you were still in Chicago.
Did she? Oh, well, they're always goofing off with boyfriends or hairdressing appointments.
Well, old Larry Tate.
- Is it really you? - You're not sure either? Son of a gun! You haven't changed a bit.
Well, neither have you.
Oh, come on.
You gotta be kidding.
Why, I put on about 100 pounds, and I lost most of my hair.
- Well, at first glance l - And I have grown a moustache.
It suits you, you know.
- It's just - How's Louise? Oh, fine.
Louise is, you know I guess I told you Sandy is no longer with us.
She was a lovely woman.
Well, that's not funny, Lar.
Sandy was the best dog I ever owned.
I'm still an old bachelor, Lar.
You know that.
- I do? - Oh, what's the matter? - Your memory going? - Well, l Oh, I know how it is.
Old workitis.
You get so wrapped up with work why, pretty soon you forget your own name.
Would it make you feel better if I told you I intend to renew our account? You sure know my Achilles' heel.
- I'll tell Miss Stewart to get your file.
- Larry! We're not gonna discuss it here.
- We're not? - No, siree.
I got the cure for your old workitis.
Now, come on, friend.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Well, so much for business, Lar, huh? That's good brandy, isn't it? You keep looking after my interests as you have, and I'll be happy.
Oh, there's one more thing I wanted to ask you, Lar.
Excuse me.
- I've gotta make a phone call.
- Now, hold it, Lar.
Hold it.
Stay where you are.
You're an executive.
I'll have a waiter bring a phone over to the table.
Oh, waiter! Oh, waiter! - Oh, Joyce! - Hi, Uncle Randolph.
Hi, dear.
Hi.
Come on right over here.
I want you to meet Larry Tate.
Larry, this is my niece, Joyce.
She's never been out of Philadelphia.
Nice to meet you.
Yes.
Now, Lar, Joyce is here for a reason.
I know you'll do a favour for an old buddy, huh? This young lady is one of the finest advertising minds in the nation.
And I say that without prejudice.
I want you to talk to her for a while, feel her out.
Here, dear, sit right down.
There you are.
And listen to what she has to say.
Maybe you got a place for her on your team, huh? I'd love to, Randolph, but There's nothing I'd like more Well, good, good.
A little nepotism never hurt anybody, did it? Just great seeing you again, Lar.
I'll take the check, huh? - Good luck, dear.
- Thanks, Uncle Randolph.
Mr.
Tate, I have some ideas that will absolutely revolutionize the advertising business.
I have to make a phone call.
- Something wrong? - No.
Well, isn't this cozy? Louise, imagine meeting you here.
I come here quite often, Larry.
Or are you still in a fog? Joyce, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs.
Stephens.
Mrs Tate.
Joyce has one of the finest minds in the advertising business.
Really? And I can just guess what she's advertising.
Well, I'll leave you two ladies.
The phone.
Hello.
Is that you, Sam? Did you want to speak to me, dear? - Hello.
- Sam? It's me, Darrin.
Oh, Larry, you certainly have a peculiar sense of humour.
I haven't come to the funny part yet.
I've turned into Larry Tate.
- What? - You heard me.
I'm Larry Tate.
- Well, now, how could that happen? - I don't know, but it did.
And you can bet it didn't come from my side of the family.
Why are you whispering? I'm at the Tate's.
And Louise is cooking my dinner.
She found out Joyce was the client's niece and now she's killing me with kindness.
You gotta get over here, Sam.
Joyce? Niece? I don't believe any of this.
All right.
I'll prove you're my wife.
You're a witch.
- I'm a what? - A witch.
Did you call me, Larry? No.
No, I was talking I'm on the phone, dear.
Sam, get over here and change me back.
You calm down, Darrin.
I'll see what I can do.
- Mother! - Yes, dear.
Why has my husband turned into Larry Tate? I haven't the faintest idea.
Perhaps he wanted to be his own boss.
- You had no right.
- Now, don't start that, Samantha.
If he wants to squander his wishes, there's little I can do.
- What wishes? - I gave him a priceless gift.
The fact that he used it foolishly doesn't surprise me in the least.
You know, we ought to do this more often.
- What? - Spend a quiet, cozy evening at home together, just the two of us.
I'll get rid of them, whoever it is.
- Hi.
- Samantha.
What brings you here? Well - Darrin? - Had to leave town.
Right, Samantha? Yes, that's right.
He had to leave town, and I got lonely.
Good.
Glad you could come.
Isn't this a nice surprise, Louise? - I'll set an extra place.
- Oh, don't go to any trouble.
Oh, it's no trouble at all.
Is it, Louise? No, no trouble at all.
What are you staring at? Is that really you in there, Darrin? It's me all right.
How did I get into this? Mother gave you three wishes for your birthday.
- Why didn't she tell me? - She wanted it to be a surprise.
Well, she got her wish.
Oh, Sam, for Pete's sake, do something! Okay.
Ready? Stars of lightning Suns of fire - Dinner's ready.
- Oh, no! - Larry.
- I'm sorry, Louise.
I'm just not myself today.
Oh, well, don't worry.
I'm sure you'll be back to normal before the evening's over.
I hope so.
Oh, my, it's getting late.
Larry, don't you think you ought to get some sleep? Sleep? No, no, I feel fine.
- Sam, another cup of coffee? - Oh, I'd love it.
Louise, I've always said you make a great cup of coffee.
You never said that before in your life.
The only one who ever liked my coffee was Darrin.
Really? Well, he certainly has good taste.
- I think I better check on the baby.
- Fine.
Larry, could you help me with a few things? - What things? - Things.
Pardon us, Samantha.
- Look, Larry, I like Samantha but - The baby's gone.
What are you talking about? This is our bedroom.
- Oh, I thought we were going up - I just wanted to get you alone.
Larry, Samantha is staying and staying and staying.
She likes your coffee.
Besides, I like Samantha.
It's nice to have her around.
Well, I like her too, but I've had it for tonight.
I've been dropping hints, but she doesn't get them.
You've got to get into your pyjamas.
I beg your pardon.
Once she sees you're ready for bed, she'll go.
- I don't think so.
- Get into your pyjamas! - Oh, come on, Larry! - Wait! What are you doing? Please.
I'm old enough to undress myself.
Larry, in there.
Darrin.
What are you doing in Larry's pyjamas? Never mind that, Sam.
Hurry! Quick.
Turn me back while Louise is upstairs.
All right, all right.
Brace yourself.
Brace yourself.
Stars of lightning Suns of fire Please ignore this heart's desire Set your potent powers free Retract this mortal wishes three Well? - When's it going to happen? - Oh, I don't understand.
I'm sure that's the spell-breaker Mother gave me.
It's another trick of your mother's, Sam.
Help me.
Please.
I'm trying.
I'm trying.
Good night, Samantha.
We don't want to keep you.
But we know you have a sitter problem.
Don't give it a thought, Louise.
I don't know why I'm so tired.
Oh, you go right ahead, Louise.
I'll make my own coffee.
- I'll give you a hand.
- Oh, thank you, Larry.
Good night, Samantha.
Get rid of her.
Good night, Larry.
Sam, what are we gonna do? Do you remember exactly what you said or did just before it happened? All I said was, " I wish I were Larry for the day.
" - Then I went out to speak to my - That's it! - What's it? - You wanted to be Larry for a day.
It was like putting a time lock on the spell.
That's why I can't break it.
It'll be over at midnight.
What time is it now? - Quarter of 12.
- Oh, 15 minutes.
- How can I get my clothes? - Don't worry.
I'll whap them down soon as the time comes.
Well, why not whap them down now and let's get out of here.
- Oh, my stars.
- Now what? It's Larry! - We gotta get out of here.
- No, no, it's too late.
Louise! Larry.
Where are you going? Going? I'm not going, I'm coming.
- Why aren't you in your pyjamas? - I give up.
Why? - I thought you were tired.
- Of course I'm tired.
The plane was delayed five hours.
I'll go get my bags.
Can you fix me a snack? - What does this mean? - Tell him you're a long-lost brother.
It isn't funny.
You.
What are you doing here? I I live here.
You just went out to get the luggage.
And you were dressed.
It's cold outside.
- Aren't you supposed to be in bed? - You asked me to fix you a snack.
I did? - Larry, may I talk to you a minute? - Couldn't we talk here? It's cozy.
Excuse us, Samantha.
Larry, I demand an explanation.
I wish I could think of one.
You go on up to bed.
I'll get rid of Sam, and I'll explain the whole thing to you later.
No, I'll get rid of Samantha.
You go upstairs.
Why don't you go to bed, Louise.
It's been a long, confusing day.
I'll get rid of Samantha.
But right now, why don't you go up to bed.
Good night, Louise.
You're gonna shake my hand? Oh, well Well Oh, for heaven sakes, Larry.
Kiss me good night.
Midnight.
The spell's over.
- Larry, what's the matter with you? - Well, I Darrin? Oh, hi, Larry.
We We weren't expecting you.
- Perhaps I should've sent a telegram.
- Larry, I can explain everything.
- Start with the pyjamas.
- Pyjamas? Yes.
What are you doing in my pyjamas? - That's going to be a little tricky.
- Take a stab at it.
- L - His clothes got wet.
- Really? - Sure.
Really.
- It rained here? - That's good.
May I interrupt? I know it sounds strange, and I've said it before but I don't understand a thing that's going on.
- What's going on here? - Sam.
You're asking me? I come in here and what - Oh, dear.
Bad case, huh, Darrin? - Worst I've ever seen.
Bad case of what? Sleepwalking.
We came over to keep her company.
She got tired and went to bed, and we stayed to finish the dishes.
The next thing we knew, she was back down here still asleep, calling your name, and mistaking Darrin for you.
I guess I've been on the road too much.
Yes, she was very lonely.
I'll make a point of staying home more often.
I'm also making another resolution.
No more drinking when I'm flying.
Why? You wouldn't believe what I thought was happening to me out front.
Yes, sir.
From now on, it's coffee, tea or milk.
Hi.
Just in the neighbourhood, thought you might like company for lunch.
How do you always know when I want to see you? Oh, just call it witch's intuition.
How's your day? Paradise compared to yesterday.
Have you thought about explaining things to Louise? Don't have to.
She'll think she dreamed it.
That's using the old nose, Sam.
Darrin.
- I'm curious about something.
- What? Your first two wishes, what were they? Well, the first was to make an elevator speed up.
- And the second? - Well, the second was Not important.
Anyway, I've already been granted my biggest wish.
- What's that? - You.