Boston Legal s02e23 Episode Script

Previously on 'Boston Legal' I used to work on the Texas Innocence Project.
One of my cases is up on appeal.
I could really use your help.
I'm looking for the best lawyer I can find.
I think that's you.
I don't like jibber jabber in my courtroom.
Oh my goodness.
That's about as far as you should go.
She just kissed you.
I'm not going to pursue it.
He shoots a client in the knee, he then shoots a homeless man with a paintball gun.
Could you kindly point in any direction other than my head.
It's not loaded.
Oh, I guess it is.
For god sake Denny.
It's just that I feel my song is still in me.
What song? My song.
Everybody has a song in them, Sidney.
You should know that.
Oh, I see.
And yours is still unsung.
Is that it? Yeah.
I mean here I am in my seventies and I still feel that everything I wanted to express in life is still bottled up inside me like a kidney stone.
Talk to me Sidney.
What are you thinking? I think you're bored, Denny.
Bored? How can I be bored? I'm Denny Crane.
Even the sound of my name fascinates.
More Sidney! More about me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I think that you are a silverspoon-fed, rich, empty sack who has nothing to do now but count his money, or spend it on hookers and therapists who offer up some form of affirmation, and frankly, I'm sick of it! I would no longer even treat you, but for the 600 dollars an hour I charge, which sum, I might assure you, which is meant to deter your recurring visits.
Do you understand me Denny? I would sooner leap from the window than see your lips move, the sight of which is the visual cue that feculent blather is about to spew forth.
This is no way for a therapist to talk to a patient.
My official medical recommendation would be that you take yoga classes, so that you might gain the necessary flexibility to stick your head up your ass.
Well I do feel like an empty sack sometimes.
In occasions, depression.
It even caused me to buy a handgun to end it.
I even carry it around with me, never knowing when I might decide to join the ranks of the unliving.
And then I think to myself, "How unoriginal".
Suicide is so ordinary.
But, if I were to shoot my doctor, well Ah now, Denny, but that would result in you actually accomplishing something real.
You see, something actual, as opposed to the manufactured heroics of your publicist, the mad cow, and then it suddenly might matter, really matter that you were born.
And how would you handle that after seventy plus years of unmitigated insignificance? You don't think I matter? Oh, pull the trigger Denny! Do something to rise above your insipid press releases.
All the meaninglessness! Just pull it!! You think I won't? Actually, I happen to know you will.
I happen to know you must.
You see, you're pointing a gun at your thereapist, who's not only got a death wish of his own, but also a life insurance policy which excludes suicide.
And you see, Denny, I've often wondered, "How could I possibly end my life without forfeiting my son's Harvard education?" But if I were to be murdered, then So You must shoot me, or I will shoot you.
Go ahead, pull the trigger or I will kill you.
Okay Sidney.
Pull it! I'm not gonna shoot you! Don't be ridiculous.
Then you must die.
Come on, Sidney, game's over.
Give you the count of three.
One Sidney! Two For God's sake! Three.
What now? Denny shot his therapist.
Dear God! Paint ball? Real bullets.
Is he? No, the man is apparently going to survive.
He's in the hospital.
Denny's in custody Where's Alan? It's not that I'm not ready, your honor, it's that I was called for trial.
Division 6, Judge Holt.
Judge Holt does not control my courtroom.
I told you the last time, there'd be no further continuances.
I cannot be in two places at the same time.
Then you should have gotten somebody else from your office to cover.
Somebody else? The public defender's office is so over extended.
So is the DA's office.
He's here and ready.
Of course he's ready, because they prioritize the racial profiling cases.
I object to that, your honor.
The truth is we shouldn't even be here.
Save it for trial counsel, which will begin tomorrow, either with or without you.
Adjourned! Excuse me.
I couldn't help but overhear which is so often the case when people shout.
My name is Alan Shore.
I'm an extraordinary attorney.
I could tell you stories, but more incredibly, I'm available.
Alan! Chelena.
Oh my God.
How are you? I'm fine.
How are you? Today, a little dyspeptic but in general I'm splendid.
God, the last time I saw you I think it was a Sunday.
Then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, and I got switched to Tuesdays And here we are, with old footage.
Exactly.
You look smashing.
And you're black.
Sorry? This is fate.
I just took a case where I think race was a factor.
Profiling.
I'd love to exploit you, which I believe you invited me to do once.
I meant sexually.
Yes.
So this case involves persecution, civil rights, all the good stuff.
Can legal aides spare you? The client's indigent.
Alan, the last time we worked together I kissed you.
Really? I've forgotten.
You'll have to refresh me on that.
Excuse me.
My lover.
Hello, Denny.
You did what? Thought he was a quail.
I'm not laughing.
It's total self defense.
After I threatened to kill him, the bastard threatened to kill me.
It's not right.
Why were you carrying the gun? I have a constitutional right to bear arms.
Not a concealed weapon you don't.
Oh yes I do, and the Supreme Court's gonna say so, just as soon as they finish overturning Roe vs Wade.
Denny, this time you've gone way too far.
You always say that.
No I don't.
Paul Lewiston does.
Besides, you shot a man, another man.
I'm telling you I had no choice.
The man was gonna kill me.
He could go to jail for this.
I mean, how could he avoid it? Well, first of all, he's claiming self defense.
Second, the guy's apparently okay.
He just took it in the clavical.
And third, we're talking about Denny.
He shoots people all the time.
Well, you're probably right.
He's probably already booked himself on Larry King Live.
What's happening with Sandy? Nothing.
I thought you were gonna Nothing's happening with Sandy.
Didn't you have your big second date? Nothing's happening with Sandy.
She dumped me.
Sorry.
Did she say why? Doesn't really matter.
Brad, while I appreciate how deeply guarded you are, you need to share more.
You don't have any friends to talk to.
I have plenty.
Name three.
What happened? You know, I'm going to tell you, just to see if the look on your face remotely matches the look on mine when she You know why she dumped me? Because I'm a lousy kisser.
Yeah, exactly my reaction.
Well, um All I can say, if that is in fact the reason It is.
You're sure? I called an ex-girlfriend, she confirmed it.
Confirmed it? I'm the worst kisser in the history of the planet.
Oh.
Yeah.
Let me ask you something.
Is it really that important in the scheme of a relationship and all it's potential, including but not limited to the parenting of children, is how a man kisses really that important? Well, at the beginning, all the promise of romance, and forgive me, but the magic it's yes, it's in the kiss.
Women are always complaining about not being taken seriously.
And you look at the leading woman's magazines, Vogue, Cosmopolitan, it's always about "how do I get a man?", "how do I look?", "how do I please a man in bed?" And I discover that they're willing to measure the substance of a relationship with a kiss.
It isn't men who demean women.
It's women.
Hey Alan.
How's it going? Fine, thanks, how are you? You can get back to me on that.
Brad, if there's something trapped in there, I encourage you to let it out quickly.
I'm due in court.
Well, I was wondering, if I could join you and Denny on the balcony sometime? Just trying to diversify my life with some male bonding and I was wondering you know.
Brad, any gathering of three or more men always seems like a team to me, and I've never been much of a team player.
So if you're going to show, count me out.
But is there something specific you'd like to talk about? Are you a good kisser? Case number 62345, the Commonwealth versus Denny Crane, attempted murd Alan shore for the defendant, we'll waive reading of the charges.
Oh dear God, it's you.
I know who I am, counsel.
You don't need to tell me it's me.
I know perfectly well it's me.
That superfluous information that is tantamount to jibber jabber.
I do not tolerate jibber jabber in my courtroom.
The defense enters a plea of not guilty and move for a probable cause hearing.
Why? Why? First up, because I'm entitled to, second, because I feel He shot him.
The victim is in the hospital.
I think I have enough probable cause, Mr.
Shoop.
Actually your honor, since our last get-together, I've changed my name from Shoop to Shore.
I figured since it's already on my driver's license and passport, not to mention all the pleadings before you, though I'd never presume you'd read pleadings of course They're jibber jabber.
The victim is in fact scheduled to be released from the hospital today.
It was simply a shoulder wound, which was where my client was hoping the bullet would land, once the gun accidentally went off, when the victim threatened to shoot my client, putting him in reasonable fear for his life.
You honor, if he wants a probable cause hearing, let him call the arresting officer.
The arresting officer wasn't there.
It was only my client and Dr.
Fields.
We're talking about attempted murder here.
The damage to Mr.
Crane's reputation could be irreparable.
These charges never should have been filed, and I should be allowed a probable cause hearing.
You talk to much.
Assuming the victim is physically able, we shall reconvene at 3p.
m.
tomorrow, you talker! Enough of this this Poopycock! Poopycock.
Poopycock.
Oh no.
No no no no.
No you don't.
Get out Denny.
Dr.
Fields, I'm Alan Shore.
You undoubtedly know by now that we've subpoena'ed you to appear at a probable cause hearing.
Well that's not a very wise ploy, Mr.
Shore.
What is it you expect me to say? That you forced Denny to shoot you.
That you gave him no choice.
Oh, you don't wanna be calling me to the stand, okay? Dr.
Fields, Denny informed me that your intense desire to die played a significant part in what happened.
You know, often when people contemplate dying, they take measure of their legacy.
I'm assuming yours thus far consist of many things.
Denny assured me honesty is one of them.
I shall count on you to be honest in that witness chair tomorrow, sir.
Well now, I wouldn't count on anything if I were you.
Sidney, I never would've shot you, you know that.
Dear God, what's now.
The managing partners have convened a meeting.
The topic of discussion is deposing Denny.
Expelling him from the firm.
What? First of all, the financial hit They don't care.
They've had enough.
Second of all, they need to read their partnership agreement.
Denny can't Evidently we need to read it.
There is a clause which calls for his ouster should he ever be convicted of a felony, which he is certainly looking at now.
What do we do now? I don't know.
They seem serious.
Why shouldn't they be? He shoots people.
Massachussettes has no "Stop-and-identify Statute," so we can make the argument that the arrest was unlawful and therefore, our client had the right to resist.
That'll never fly.
Well it doesn't need to fly so much as flap and flutter it's way to reasonable doubt.
Profiling is wrong, we certainly don't do it when we're selling off our ports.
Why are you looking at me like that? Who's closing here? Sorry? With the case.
Should I close or you? I'll take the client and you can close.
Alan! May I? I'm not terribly comfortable with you working closely with this woman.
What? I'm tapped into office gossip.
I happen to know you kissed her during the death penalty thingy case.
You're kissing me now, remember? Melissa, you and I kissed once.
I barely participated.
We certainly didn't agree to any kind of exclusivity.
No hickies or pins or Letterman jackets.
You and I are in a relationship, Alan.
The fact that you don't realize it doesn't give you license to be unfaithful.
You're mad as a hatter.
When two people sleep together.
That was a night terror thing.
I'm talking about the sex.
What sex? The sex you and I both know is coming.
Don't fall for her Alan.
She's just a guest star.
He seemed to be just staring at one of the houses.
It seemed very odd.
We asked him for identification and he refused to provide it.
And then what happened? We asked him again, he continued to refuse, so we attempted to take him into custody.
That's when he became violent.
We eventually overcame him, placed him under arrest.
When you arrived at the scene, did you ask him what he was doing? He said he found the houses on this street quite beautiful, and he enjoyed looking at them.
And is that lawful in this neighborhood, to look at houses that you find beautiful? Of course.
Is it your pattern to ask people for identification when they're engaging in lawful behavior.
He didn't live there.
So I thought that How did you know that? I patrol that neighborhood.
I pretty much know who lives there and who doesn't.
You know everybody in this neighborhood? Every person? Not every person, but How did you know my client didn't live there? We have the right to ask citizens for identification.
That's all I did.
You know what? I checked you out.
You're an exemplary officer.
You also have a reputation for honesty.
Honestly officer, your decision to ask my client for identification, was his race a factor? Officer.
Was it at all a factor? That he was black Black in an all-white neighborhood.
Yes, it was a factor.
Alan.
Shirley.
How are we doing? If you mean with Denny, I've got a probable cause hearing scheduled.
I'm trying to make this go away, though I can't possibly see how.
You need to.
Wagons are starting to circle.
If he gets any kind of conviction Shirley.
Surely.
Shirley! He'll be convicted of something.
Well it can't be a felony.
There's a clause in the partnership agreement.
It's serious Alan.
Partners seem inclined to expunge him.
Well, his name is on the wall.
They'll keep the name and broom him.
I see no way of dodging that short of you having sex with the judge.
I'm sorry, I now feel queasy having even thought of that.
What about the victim? Can he be influenced? I doubt it.
Even if he consented to being shot, which he seemingly did, that still doesn't absolve Denny.
Do you have a plan? At the moment, no.
So stupid.
Then why are you being so Because I'm being stupid.
It's like frickin' high school for God's sakes.
Okay.
Tell me exactly what happened.
I told you.
I was on a date.
It was a terrific date.
With another woman? Where do you find all these women, anyway? I'm a lawyer.
I was a marine.
Do the math.
I'm the complete package.
Right.
So So, I get to her front step.
Clearly, she would have received my kissing her.
I wanted to kiss her.
I was going to kiss her, but I didn't, because I have this new phobia.
I mean, a kiss is just a kiss, right? It's what the stupid song says.
What exactly are you doing when you kiss? I do what everybody else does.
Yeah, exactly what? Lips meet, at some point I put my tongue in, swish it around a little.
Ah, well.
Maybe you could use some pointers or something.
I happen to be a very advanced kisser.
Maybe I could walk you through this a little.
Don't be ridiculous.
Beats having a phobia.
No it doesn't.
Fine.
Don't even ask.
Mr.
Prior, why were you in that neighborhood? I liked to dream.
One dream, I guess my American dream, is someday I'd like to live in a home like those.
I enjoyed the architecture, the landscaping.
You realize that a police officer has the right to ask for identification? And if I would have been doing anything suspect, I would have given it to him.
If it would have been a random thing, I would have complied.
But it wasn't.
I was targeted because I was the wrong color.
But Mr.
Prior, come on, you physically resisted the police officers.
I never assaulted them.
I just When the pushed me to the ground and tried to handcuff me, I simply fought back.
If a police officer sees a man he believes to be a stranger in the neigborhood, and that man is strangely staring at houses for no apparent reason, is it your testimony that it's unreasonable to ask that man his name? It's unreasonable to ask him simply because he's black.
If the man had been white, staring at the houses, it would be okay to ask his name.
If he would have been white, he wouldn't have been asked, that's my point.
Plead guilty? They've offered probation.
You're asking me to plead guilty.
Mr.
Prior, your testimony went well.
But let's not kid ourselves.
Under the law, the police can constitutionally require identification without probable cause, without reasonable suspicion.
How can that be? Because the public wants to feel safe.
And people, especially the white ones don't want the black ones staring at their homes.
Now, we can keep fighting here, but you must know that the law does not support us.
I wanna fight.
How's it looking? Not good, Denny.
Oh Aside from the case at hand, we've got your rather colorful history of shooting people.
There was the man in the office last year.
He took you hostage.
Paintball incident.
He through a rock at me.
Your own client.
In the knee.
It simply won't be a big leap for a jury to think you'd happily plug your therapist.
No no It's different this time.
I shot a human being.
A real human being.
The others weren't? Well, the two were criminals and the other was homeless, but Sidney is real He pays taxes, he lives, he breathes.
He's a Republican.
We're just so desensitized to guns.
I I don't like to admit this I laughed when I heard that the Vice-President mistook his friend for a bird.
I actually laughed.
You were the only one.
But to see it for real.
I still can't shake the image of Sidney going down.
And I, I never thought I could say this, but I can't bring, bring myself to so much as look at a gun.
Denny.
The way he fell, I thought he was dead.
Gone.
Now I'm gone.
It's not over yet, Denny.
Alan, so help me God, if you ever catch me looking at a gun again How are we doing? A list of everything your love about me.
That's my closing.
What do I say? The police can legally require an ID.
He resisted arrest.
Under the law, he's guilty.
What am I supposed to do? Ask the jury to disregard the law? You need to have faith in them, Chelena.
You need to remember these are people of conscience, of compassion.
You need to remember that they're too stupid to get out of jury duty.
I am not that cynical.
I know you're not.
Shirley Schmidt.
She assigned me to a case recently to close.
She felt I had a certain capacity to see the darkness in people's hearts.
One of the reasons I wanted you on this case, among other reasons, I think you have a capacity to tap into what is fundamentally decent about people.
I believe, if you call on this jury to do what is right, morally right, if not legally, they will follow.
So what pointers do you have specifically? I have another date.
Same girl? Different.
The few, the proud, the brave, lawyer package I get dates all right, but I need you to tell me how to kiss.
Okay, um first of all, the stick-it-in-and-swish-it-around thing it's not supposed to be like cleaning your toilet.
Nice.
There needs to be a certain gentility about it.
I think you might be too aggressive.
Okay.
Also, what part of your tongue is making contact with hers? What do you mean? I mean what part of your tongue is connecting with hers? The tip.
What else? What? Well, this part here.
That is the most sensitive.
You don't taste food with the tip.
And this part is the most sensual.
Well how do people connect with that part without slobbering? They just okay.
Could I please show you clinically? What do you mean? I mean, Brad, that I'm a double black diamond kisser, and I'm also incredibly busy.
So could I please just quickly show you? Well, I guess Okay.
Okay relax.
The tongue isn't supposed to get hard.
I think that, that could be your problem.
Okay.
Okay, better.
Definitely better, but tone down the swishing, and I feel like you're blocking my tongue from going into your mouth.
Yeah, I don't like that.
What? I don't like it when a woman's tongue goes in my mouth.
Um Brad.
That's the whole idea.
Yours and hers, hers I just prefer that everything takes place in her mouth.
Why? Because I do.
Brad, this is why you're the worst kisser in the history of the planet.
So drop the Homeland Security and let the girls tongue in.
Relax.
Code Yellow.
Wow.
Wow, definitely.
No questions asked.
Wow.
Let's try it again.
You're uh you're a really quick study.
Wow.
All right, let's put it together.
You and me, me and you.
I uh I don't think Whoa whoa whoa, this lesson doesn't include hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God? Yes, yes I do.
Good afternoon, Dr.
Fields.
Thank you for joining us.
I realize you've been through quite an ordeal.
Yes, and now you seek to put me through another.
Your honor, Dr.
Fields is hostile.
Why wouldn't he be, he was shot.
No, I mean as in hostile witness.
Permit me to lead.
Oh, go on then.
Dr.
Fields, at the time of the incident, Mr.
Crane was in the middle of a therapy session with you, am I correct? Denny Crane doesn't even believe in therapy.
He comes out of boredom.
He likes to hear himself talk.
Which is the cause of great frustration to you? Yes.
Because when he's not endlessly repeating his name, he's full of this self-serving blather.
If I have to hear him go on one more time about mad cow This time he was a little less boring.
He pulled the gun.
Well yes, the gun, the gun.
If I had a nickel for everytime he did that Wait, he's drawn a gun on you before? Oh, oh yes.
Anytime he doesn't like what he hears, yes, it's dirty Harry time.
So you really didn't feel threatened when he produced the firearm this time? I felt threatened to the extent that this time, it might just go off.
The way he waves it around.
Okay, but doctor, you produced a gun of your own, didn't you? Absolutely I did, yes.
Why? Because I just did, that's why.
Okay? I was sick of his antics and I told him so.
And, in fact, you called him an empty sack, you told him he led a meaningless life, provoked him to pull his gun, didn't you? That may be so, I don't know who cares? What is this Poopycock? What kind of a doctor are you? Your honor, if I may proceed.
Oh, go on then! Dr.
Fields, once Mr.
Crane produced his weapon, you drew yours and you told him that if he didn't shoot you, you'd shoot him.
Did you not say that sir? Obviously you know that I did.
You in fact, wanted him to shoot you, so you wouldn't have to shoot yourself, and your family could collect your life insurance to pay for your son's Ivy League education.
Well it certainly sounds like you were there.
And in fact, you gave him to the count of three, didn't you? Shoot you by the count of three or you'd kill him? That's right, uh huh.
And you counted it off.
One, two and three.
And three.
Don't anybody leave this room.
What is this jibber jabber? Shut up! That wouldn't be jibber jabber, your honor, that's a gun.
Anybody leaves this room, and I will shoot Mr.
Shore.
If I might object to that.
How did you get in with that.
My brother is a lawyer and I came in the back door with his bar card.
I guess the question, Dr.
Fields, is why? Why? Because all my life, I sat in that chair, that's why.
Listening to other people who had lives far more grander than mine, while I just sat tucked away in my office leading no life at all.
Vicariously coaching other people, watching them get rich, like this nutcase here, and I couldn't stand it anymore.
I did crack, I wasn't gonna just stand around being some sort of impotent little spectator to my own life.
And I'm sick of any society that, that glamorizes the eccentrics and the psychopaths and the belligerants, when there's the meek and the wise.
If I could just get you to point that at any other directio Shut up!!! You think you're the only one that likes to live big, Denny? You think that? You think that by paying me 600 dollars an hour, that entitles you to belittle me? Six hundred? Shut up! You stand belittled now, Denny.
Why don't I just shoot your best friend here? Why not? I mean, he's your real therapist, he's the one you tell your secrets to.
Why don't I just shoot him? Dr.
Fields, please put the gun down.
I didn't shoot before, Denny but I will this time.
I really will.
Sidney, I took you out once, don't make me do it again.
With what? With this.
You said you wouldn't so much as look at a gun again.
I never said I wouldn't shoot one.
I feel I should go with him.
I'm as close as he actually has to family.
Denny, you shot him twice.
Even so.
Should we ask for a continuance? No, I want to make my argument to dismiss to the judge while he's still in the throws of fear.
I'm due in division 3 for closing arguments in the Prior case.
Hopefully I'll be back within the hour.
I'll take over from here.
Don't you dare.
And don't shoot anybody.
Oh, please.
They arrest Denny again? Apparently not.
It appears he saved everyone.
What about the underlying charges? As far as I know, they still stand.
Umm We need to talk.
We most certainly do.
It was a kissing demonstration.
We had sex.
I'm aware of that.
On the floor.
I'm aware of that too.
Which brings me to, what now? Company inkwell, Brad? We work together.
That's it.
We had sex.
Yes.
Incredible sex.
Yes.
And that's it? Yes.
Mr.
Prior refused to identification.
Defiance of the law.
He then physically resisted arrest which is a second crime.
And he wasn't targeted simply because he was black by the way.
He was questioned because he was a stranger to a particular neighborhood.
Now, did officer Ryleson come to that conclusion in part because he was African-American? Yes.
He admitted that.
But where's the line between racial profiling and common sense? Race can be used as a criterion as long as it's just one factor among others in estimating criminal suspicion.
Common sense, when it comes to terrorism for example.
Of course we target people or Islamic or Arabic descent.
We simply have to afford the police the discretion to say "Hey, that person might be more likely to be engaging in certain criminal activity".
Now here, the defendant was a stranger to this neighborhood, he was oddly staring at houses.
Officer Ryleson asked his name.
The defendant refused to tell him, which in addition to being a crime, made him more suspicious.
Then he got violent.
We here not because of Mr.
Prior's race, but because he broke the law.
I guess we don't have much of a problem targeting Islamics.
Especially not at the airport.
That doesn't offend us because we so wanna feel safe.
But the thing is, it's taken the stigma off of racial profiling.
The term no longer has a bad connotation.
And that just makes it easier to profile other races, doesn't it? I mean, once you say it isn't an evil to discriminate, you make it slightly more permissible to discriminate.
Next thing you know, you've got police questioning African-Americans simply for looking at houses in white neighborhoods.
We have a term in this country called DWB.
Driving while black.
Innocent black motorist are pulled over every day in this country.
It's a way of life.
Well, guess what? People like Dennis Prior have a choice.
They can either rail against it, or they can just concede it's a way of life, and things stay the same.
Dennis Prior decided to protest.
He decided to hear the words of Henry Thurow, Susan B.
Anthony, Martin Luther King Jr.
who all considered civil disobedience to be patriotic.
American.
You need to go back to that room, and hear the dream of Dr.
King, where children grow up to be judged not by the color of their skin.
My client was judged by the color of his skin.
That cannot be acceptable to a country that prides itself on human rights.
That cannot be acceptable to the twelve of you.
I don't dispute that Mr.
Crane's life was in danger, but he created the dangerous situation when he first pulled the gun on Dr.
Fields.
Oh, please, did I create it in this courtroom? Well, to an extent, yes.
We wouldn't have all been standing here had you not pulled that gun back at the doctor's office.
Your honor, I saved this man's life, probably yours, and he's in here waving around his poopycock with his mumbo jumbo, jibber jabber.
At a minimum, the charges of carrying a concealed weapon should be considered.
National security.
Dr.
Fields is a terrorist.
He terrorized this courtroom.
He's a Democrat.
I've had enough of all this Mr.
Crane, you had no excuse to be carrying a gun.
Second amendment, founding fathers, you probably knew them.
Jibber jabber! But here, you did use the gun to save lives, quite possibly my own.
I'm going to let you off this time with just a stern warning.
Thank you.
I haven't given it yet.
Mr.
Crane, I warn you not to do this again.
Not guilty.
Adjourned.
Well, seems you didn't need me after all.
Anyday, anycrane.
Mr.
Foreman, has the jury reached a unanimous verdict? We have, your honor.
What say you? In the matter of the Commonwealth versus Dennis Prior, on the charge of disorderly conduct, we find the defendant not guilty.
On the charge of unlawfully resisting arrest, we find the defendant not guilty.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your service.
I won? You won.
No probation or anything? You won Dennis.
You are free to go.
Thank you, and thank you.
I hope you get to live in that beautiful house one day, Mr.
Prior.
Pick a better neighborhood.
I will.
Thank you.
I will.
Bye.
Bye.
Ah, still at large.
And don't think I take it for granted.
Canada, Japan, England.
Any one of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody.
God bless America.
I had sex with her.
With whom? Kate Smith.
Before she put on the weight.
From the mountains, to her prairies.
She is one hell of a ride.
So Denny, what happened? Your love affair with guns back on? Alan, lives were saved because I was armed.
We all should be armed.
Every citizen should have one strapped to his waist.
Hell, the criminals all have them.
The answer isn't less guns, it's more.
Surprised you didn't think of it sooner.
Mad cow.
So, how was it with Ch, Chelena.
Incredible pheromones.
Had I been a moth, we'd have made it and died by now.
Oh, and there's of course Melissa.
I don't know what to make of her.
It's good to have choices.
So it's funny to finally meet your therapist.
A man never introduces his wife to his mistress.
That's a shame.
Makes for one hell of a party.
So, do you think it's a sign of Alzheimers if you can't remember how many people you've shot? As long as you can remember who